this post was submitted on
1,268 points (54% like it)
7,835 up votes 6,567 down votes

funny

subscribe2,777,116 readers

11,849 users here now

NEW! No gore or porn (including sexually graphic images). Other NSFW content must be tagged as such


Welcome to r/Funny:

You may only post if you are funny.

Please No:

  • posts with their sole purpose being to communicate with another redditor. Click for an Example.

  • Screenshots of reddit comment threads. Post a link with context to /r/bestof or /r/defaultgems if from a default subreddit instead.

  • Posts for the specific point of it being your reddit birthday.

  • Politics - This includes the 2012 Presidential candidates or bills in congress. Try /r/politicalhumor instead.

  • Rage comics - Go to /r/fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu instead.

  • Memes - Go to /r/AdviceAnimals or /r/Memes instead.

  • Demotivational posters - Go to /r/Demotivational instead.

  • Pictures of just text - Make a self post instead.

  • DAE posts - Go to /r/doesanybodyelse

  • eCards - the poll result was 55.02% in favor of removal. Please submit eCards to /r/ecards

  • URL shorteners - No link shorteners (or HugeURL) in either post links or comments. They will be deleted regardless of intent.

Rehosted webcomics will be removed. Please submit a link to the original comic's site and preferably an imgur link in the comments. Do not post a link to the comic image, it must be linked to the page of the comic. (*) (*)

Need more? Check out:

Still need more? See Reddit's best / worst and offensive joke collections (warning: some of those jokes are offensive / nsfw!).


Please DO NOT post personal information. This includes anything hosted on Facebook's servers, as they can be traced to the original account holder.


If your submission appears to be banned, please don't just delete it as that makes the filter hate you! Instead please send us a message with a link to the post. We'll unban it and it should get better. Please allow 10 minutes for the post to appear before messaging moderators


The moderators of /r/funny reserve the right to moderate posts and comments at their discretion, with regard to their perception of the suitability of said posts and comments for this subreddit. Thank you for your understanding.


CSS - BritishEnglishPolice ©2011

a community for

reddit is a source for what's new and popular online. vote on links that you like or dislike and help decide what's popular, or submit your own! learn more ›

all 153 comments

[–]Kygren 48 points49 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I also live around the burg. See that guy in food lion a lot. Laugh my ass off every time :P

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Wait. Fredericksburg, is that you?!

EDIT: Read other comments. I have never been to Christiansburg, forgive me....

[–]SmoochyDaisy52 7 points8 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I saw "the burg" and thought, "Oh, cool, Williamsburg!!" Nope.

[–]numbski 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Paw paw?

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I'm sorry, son. But I'm a woman.

[–]harabec01 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Close enough

[–]durfsmurf 9 points10 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

When I was in Reston the other day I saw a car with almost the same thing - a guy had peeled the wife sticker off his car. No commentary though.

[–]maxxspeed 16 points17 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

She probably died from cancer.

[–]MrFatalistic 11 points12 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

don't they have a little casket you can plaster over the sticker? I mean, you do have to keep your stickers updated...

[–]durfsmurf 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Actually they have little people with halos above them.

http://www.customlabels4u.com/decals-stickfamily.shtml

[–]shorty6049 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

lol, more likely it'd be a cross, but I like your style

[–]bracnogard 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Next time he goes through your register, you just need to slip a note in his bag requesting he post here.

[–][deleted] ago*

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[deleted]

[–]kandyskorner 4 points5 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

HOLY SHIT A TRUCK THAT LOOKS LIKE MINE!!! It must be meeee, it has to be me. No one else has that truck.

[–]Reddiberto 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

You are not the only one with that truck! I have one just like..... HOLY SHIT... I'M YOU!!!!!

[–]Tofinochris 20 points21 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Virginia is for lovers!

[–]tail_ler 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

some restrictions apply

[–]Sdwmaster21 69 points70 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I guess she isn't getting the Jeep.

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I wonder if she got the palace

[–]AFlyingToaster 8 points9 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Bitch got the mortage, my Jeep's paid off!

[–]gunshine 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Upvote for Country songs...

[–]shorty6049 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

sorry, no.

[–]gunshine 8 points9 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Oh, pretty good choice of words then, haha. Thanks dicks, for the downvotes.

anyway- mark chestnut's divorce anthem

I'm goin' through the big D And don't mean Dallas

I can't believe what the judge had to tell us

I got the Jeep she got the palace

[–]Ms_Temagami 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Two bedroom, mortgage is due, siding light blue palace!

[–]PsychedelicFairy 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Nope, she got the benz and the house.

[–]SystemOutPrintln 4 points5 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

She's a deep-water diver who doesn't know how to acclimate?

[–]theninjasquad 10 points11 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Can someone explain to me the purpose of putting those family decals on vehicles? I don't understand what the reason is to it. Is it to tell people that you have a family and pets?

[–]cive666 33 points34 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

They are there to keep track of how many people and animals live with you in your house. Before we had this method of house occupancy tracking, many home owners would often forget who should be in their house or how many dependents to claim on tax forms. Since this method of accounting was invented if a home owner questions who should be in his or hers home, they only have to step outside and look at the back of their car and say "Ah looks like everyone is home"

[–]codycarreras 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

That's the only thing on Reddit that made me actually laugh today, thank you.

[–]shorty6049 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

guess so.... I always wanted to get one and 7 fish next to me. I have a saltwater aquarium. ಠ_ಠ

[–]livefromheaven 10 points11 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]shorty6049 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

haha, perfect. maybe in a couple years I'll add a cat sticker

[–]DiamondShreddy 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I have heard before that the "baby on board" stickers are advisable because babies can be lost when thrown in an accident and if the people in the car are unconscious firemen may forget to get the baby out as well.

[–]theninjasquad 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

That makes sense... first logical explanation I've heard ever for those signs. That's assuming of course that the baby on board sign does not get dislodged and thrown about in the crash.

[–]DiamondShreddy 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Well... it is usually a sticker, no? haha

[–]theninjasquad 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

A lot of the ones I've seen were held on by suction cups.

[–]caltheon 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

or just to remind drivers behind them to be careful so they don't kill the baby by rear-ending you after tailgating too close (disclaimer: I've got two and never had one of these signs)

[–]sideone 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

If there is no sticker, is that a licence to tailgate and / or ram the car in front?

[–]caltheon 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Yes

[–]sideone 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

BRB, going for a drive.

[–]kyuubi42 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Not going to lie, I almost want to drive more dangerously whenever I see one of those signs

[–]codycarreras 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

unconscious firemen may forget to get the baby out as well.

Those unconscious firemen are very forgetful!

[–][deleted] ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[deleted]

[–]codycarreras 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Well thank you Mr.2WIRE201.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

See I thought the joke was that the wiper is in the open position when its on the x, and I just didn't get it. Thanks for asking your question.

[–]squeakyneb 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Me too :/

[–]Reddiberto 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

That's a way to hold every family member's soul from getting stolen. You cast a spell on every sticker to hold one and only one soul, then you keep them on a visible place in case they start bleeding (the shape of every family member is only for differencing which sticker belongs to who, it's just for looks)

[–]theineffablebob 4 points5 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

IT TOOK ME A WHILE BUT I FINALLY UNDERSTOOD THE JOAK

[–]Bipolarruledout 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

That's right, he killed his wife.

[–]LetsGetRamblin 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Can somebody Photoshop the dead ex-spouse onto that little trailer?

(They killed the spouse, right?)

[–]zyzzogeton 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Worst witness protection program ever.

[–]ProbablyHungover 9 points10 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I am currently studying for a family law exam. Perfect timing.

[–]greentangent 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

What are you doing out of the library? (whipcrack) Back! Back to the stacks! (whipcrack)

[–]LettersFromTheSky 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]Black_Apalachi 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

It took your comment for me to understand the joke.

[–]dmgd 12 points13 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I've seen this car before... another redditor posted it awhile back. It was in a parking lot though.

[–]MrPickleCoppter[S] 11 points12 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Christiansburg va 37.129772, -80.408729

[–]notatrueredditor 32 points33 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Target acquired

[–]carvex 18 points19 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I see your smoke, I'm at the LZ.

[–]HurricaneHugo 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

GET TO DA CHOPPA!!

[–]GundamWang 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind.

[–]GundamWang 4 points5 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind.

[–]Bernie_Roscoe 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Modern technology.

[–]JimmyDrogba 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

my ex-gf posted this on facebook a month or two back. holler from blacksburg.

[–]MrPickleCoppter[S] 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

home to me as well

[–]MrPickleCoppter[S] 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

home to me as well

[–]punkmasta 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Well, I hope somebody takes a picture when the position is no longer available.

[–]Bristico 12 points13 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

i wonder if this guy knows how many times his jeep has been on reddit

[–]mudo2000 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

More interesting is the number of folks living in SW Virginia who also post on Reddit, I think.

[–]Calexica 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

SW Virginia has a lot of college kids from all over.

[–]whybotherwith_bros 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

SWVA is far superior to America's parking lot......

[–]parttimeninja 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Relevant, or maybe this is how this started.

[–]MrPickleCoppter[S] 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

awesome, just awesome

[–]purplepeople_eater 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Haha I was in Virginia last week and saw this while driving. Didn't have time to snap the picture. Same car color and all.

[–]scottevans77 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]MrPickleCoppter[S] 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

nice

[–][deleted] ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[deleted]

[–]MrPickleCoppter[S] 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Challenge accepted

[–]vthokiegirl 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I LITERALLY JUST SAW THIS CAR AN HOUR AGO O_O weird.......

[–]joshistheman3 12 points13 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I cannot read that.

[–]polackos 23 points24 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Open Position

[–][deleted] ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[deleted]

[–]joshistheman3 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]stopsucking 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Says "Open position" but should say "Currently interviewing".

[–]soulburn32 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Holding tryouts after school today. Crazy need not apply.

[–]OMGhellokitty08 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I've seen this sooooooo many times around town. I knew it was bound to be on Reddit sooner or later.

[–]Zmayne 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

where do people get those stickers i see them all the time

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

After a certain amount of time being married, you trade your balls for a package of these stickers.

[–]Zmayne 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Well, guess that means I'm looking forward to marriage even more now.

[–]OmicronPersei8 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

That's one less point for the rest of us!

[–]xr71bb 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Going through this myself. This made me laugh. Not the best things for his kids to see but funny none the less.

[–]bebesee 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Maybe he's looking to replace his very tall daughter...

[–]bigotkillerx 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

looks at the license plate

Dammit! It wasn't even a "license plate joke" picture and the vehicle is still from Virginia!

[–]mtstlardass 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

christiansburg VA?

[–]MrPickleCoppter[S] 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

yeppers

[–]SirAuron 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Well, that is good advertising, I will give him that. I wonder what credentials the future wife will need.

[–]pulse077 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I think I need to get some of these decals but w/ one dad and a lot of moms.

[–]allothersnsused 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I'm from Roanoke and feel obligated to comment.

[–]momorocks 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I'd only put those stickers on my car with the intention of scratching out that position.

[–]chaosaxess 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Actually that is a jeep not a gem

[–]agnotastic 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Just for the record, there are a lot of 'burgs.' -- Read top comments before voting please.

[–]Bitter_Idealist 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I wonder which one of them is the fatass that uses the mobility scooter. Probably the wife, since the scooter's gone too.

[–]ROK247 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

those stickers are excellent single milf detectors

[–]clickity-click 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

nice rack.

[–]BunnyFoofoo998 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Oh I see its a guy that doesn't have a wife, and has nothing to do with the windshield wipers.

[–]jordanfilchock 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

haha

[–]Zen_of_Chaos 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

is that a troll face on the male...?

[–]jer3my 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Lmao.

[–]DudeManBroBrah 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

A good way to advertise your immaturity and insecurities.

[–]zafuinthebigtop 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

ouch

[–]elefunk 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I've cringed every time I see those stickers on the backs of cars ever since I watched Dexter.

[–]Spider939[!] 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

seems legit

[–]Kody217 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

This reminds me of a video on youtube i can't recall. Woman gets into a wreck, dies. The cop pulls the sticker and tells the daughter "you wont be needing this anymore"

[–]CreamyPotato 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Not sure if this was on people of walmart, or just a different person

[–]MrPickleCoppter[S] 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

same dude, christiansburg wal-mart

[–]duprass 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

57 degrees? Damn that is a gem for December.

[–]terriblehuman 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Holy fuck MrPickleCoppter, we live in the same area! Do you know of any asian massage parlors that um...give you something extra?

[–]MrPickleCoppter[S] 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I do if its in the Philippines

[–]MrPickleCoppter[S] 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Drinkn dt now, stop by Cabo and ill get beer

[–]stevetroyer 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Oh I fucking hate those stickers so much.

[–][deleted] ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[deleted]

[–]MrPickleCoppter[S] 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

only as old as you feel, I'm still surprised they sell me alcohol at the age of 30

[–]GoochyBandana 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

nice cherokee i have a 1990

[–]CitizenPremier 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

That's... funpressing

[–]SammichesBeCrazy 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

It amazes me that two people have already posted different pictures of the same car...

[–]joshbike 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

No you didn't, you saw it on the internet.

[–]BeatDigger -3 points-2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Yeah... one of my asshole neighbors wrote that on there after my wife passed away.

[–]Sodfarm -1 points0 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

It took me way too long to understand this...

[–]Fawkz -1 points0 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

This contrived title is really beginning to break my balls

[–]StealthNL -2 points-1 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

That's not a gem! If it'd be a gem you're be toch, but this is just a car.

[–]frickindeal 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

gem you're be toch

Huh?

[–]saint69 -1 points0 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

no you didnt

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I don't understand it. Can someone explain?

[–]MrPickleCoppter[S] 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

his wife split

[–]Punkgoblin 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Why was the necrophiliac mad at his girlfriend?
Because the rotten cunt split...

[–]RNRSaturday -1 points0 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

...and you are posting this from Heaven, I suppose? Cool that they have reddit there. (Nice to know that I'll wast all my time in the afterlife, too.)

[–]RNRSaturday -1 points0 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

...and you are posting this from Heaven, I suppose? Cool that they have reddit there. (Nice to know that I'll wast all my time in the afterlife, too.)

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I'll bet he's a great father ...

[–]fett4evr -2 points-1 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

saw the exact same vehicle on peopleofwalmart.com

[–]EkriirkE -2 points-1 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Did you resize that in MS-Paint?

[–]Fookimoose -5 points-4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

That's a Jeep, not a Gem.