this post was submitted on
478 points (65% like it)
1,032 up votes 554 down votes

funny

subscribe2,501,577 readers

10,421 users here now

NEW! No gore or porn (including sexually graphic images). Other NSFW content must be tagged as such

Welcome to r/Funny:

You may only post if you are funny.

Please No:

  • posts with their sole purpose being to communicate with another redditor. Click for an Example.

  • Screenshots of reddit comment threads. Post a link with context to /r/bestof or /r/defaultgems if from a default subreddit instead.

  • Posts for the specific point of it being your reddit birthday.

  • Politics - This includes the 2012 Presidential candidates or bills in congress.

  • Rage comics - Go to /fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu instead.

  • Memes - Go to /r/AdviceAnimals or /r/Memes instead.

  • Demotivational posters - Go to /r/Demotivational instead.

  • Pictures of just text - Make a self post instead.

  • DAE posts - Go to /r/doesanybodyelse

  • eCards - the poll result was 55.02% in favor of removal. Please submit eCards to /r/ecards

  • URL shorteners - No link shorteners (or HugeURL) in either post links or comments. They will be deleted regardless of intent.

Rehosted webcomics will be removed. Please submit a link to the original comic's site and preferably an imgur link in the comments. Do not post a link to the comic image, it must be linked to the page of the comic. (*) (*)

Need more? Check out:

Still need more? See Reddit's best / worst and offensive joke collections (warning: some of those jokes are offensive / nsfw!).


Please DO NOT post personal information. This includes anything hosted on Facebook's servers, as they can be traced to the original account holder.


If your submission appears to be banned, please don't just delete it as that makes the filter hate you! Instead please send us a message with a link to the post. We'll unban it and it should get better. Please allow 10 minutes for the post to appear before messaging moderators


The moderators of /r/funny reserve the right to moderate posts and comments at their discretion, with regard to their perception of the suitability of said posts and comments for this subreddit. Thank you for your understanding.


CSS - BritishEnglishPolice ©2011

a community for

reddit is a source for what's new and popular online. vote on links that you like or dislike and help decide what's popular, or submit your own! learn more ›

all 32 comments

[–]crab_people 13 points14 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Played guitar at a wedding a while back. The wife wrote her own, husband tried to wing it...super awkward. Like those people that can't end a conversation. Just 2 minutes that felt like an eternity. I'm not doubting your improvisational skills, just offering a word of caution.

[–]duelingkazoos 8 points9 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

HEY LOOK EVERYONE, I PLAY GUITAR!

[–]crab_people 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

You play too?!

[–]StrangeGibberish 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I winged my vows. It went great. Just about all of my wife's friends turned to their husbands and asked why the hell they couldn't be so romantic.

I don't have any friends amongst my wife's friend's husbands. :-D

[–][deleted] ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[deleted]

[–]Dark_place 11 points12 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I love a happy ending!

[–]raging_asshole 8 points9 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

As a married man, a bit of advice: do not do this.

Regardless of what any woman says ever, the wedding is all about the woman. Anything you do to tarnish the memory or make the day "not perfect" will haunt you for the rest of your marriage. Even if you have a "cool, laid back" bride - every time she looks at photos or tells the story and has to mention how you "fucked up the vows," it will be a thorn in her side.

So yeah. Play it safe, man. And congrats.

[–]omnomnomeste 4 points5 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

This man knows Things. He has seen Things. And the wisdom he is dispensing will save your life. Just grab some "traditional" vows off of the myriad of wedding sites and mix and mash onto a notecard if you don't want to write your own vows.

[–]Beakerbite 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Yeah I've been married two years and my wife has already done this. Fortunately it wasn't my fault. Her mother thought it was a good idea to spend 5 hours greeting the guests in a line so by the time we got around to the cake and dancing everyone was fucking bored and gone. Plus no booze meant no real partying anyway, just lots of idle chatter.

[–]laidymondegreen 0 points1 point ago*

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I disagree totally. I was a cool, laid back bride, and I hold no grudges about anything that went not-as-planned on OUR wedding day. Not all women are bitches.

Edit: I will say, though, that my husband and I carefully thought about what we loved about each other and about what we wanted our marriage to be, and we made our vows reflect that. We still reference them all the time. If he had just gotten up and said whatever came to mind, my feelings would have been really hurt. You're promising to stay with someone for the rest of your life, and you can't be bothered to spend 20 minutes drafting out how you're going to make the promise? Lame.

[–]Forever_Flaccid[S] 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Just to clear the air, my fiance is upper-class/high maintenance and she would kill me if I actually did this and I have no intentions of going through with this. The way I see it, it's her day. It's one day. It shouldn't be /that/ hard not to screw it up. (famous last words...)

[–]Yuenanimous 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]I-Am-Lying-Now 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Just say this verbatim.

[–]pfasul01 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Haha...On second thought, maybe he should write his vows before hand.

[–]mkicon 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

My brother tried to "do it live" and it was pathetic.

He was like "I promise to uhh love you and ... uhh... take care of you ... ... ... and umm .... .... ... ok you go "

[–]shadowhunter22 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

The League explains the process perfectly: "Love is a . . . [noun], love is a . . . [another noun], love is . . . [sobbing, can't get the last words out] . . . I love you so much honey!"

Just don't let Taco record you explaining this to someone.

[–]zombiesex 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Getting married on Saturday here: unbeknownst to my fiance I feel the same as you...

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

"And I will love you for the rest of my life, but today I w--... i dont know what that says on my notes"

wife: "its ok just keep going"

"I CANT KEEP GOING theres no words on it!!"

wife: "its ok, just start over"

"But today I w-- ...I cant do it (checks non-existant watch)... we'll do it live...FUCK IT"

"FUCK IT WE'LL DO IT LIVE"

[–]Traumatiicz 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Don't get married... it's the leading cause of divorce.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I hope you show more originality and humor than you just did on this.

Also I hope you die.

[–]elizabethptp 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Cuuuuuuuuuute

[–]Umbrius 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

My wife and I both made up ours on the spot. We whispered the vows so no one else hrard them anyways.

They had to do with vowing to always get up early and make your coffee. Among other things.

[–]Naawz 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

But how do you feel about writing someone else's vows?

[–]BRAiN8 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Exactly what i said. I think I did ok. :)

[–]VUX3 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Actually had a talk today with fiancee about our vows. She was going to write it all down so it can be perfect. I said I would "DO IT LIVE" and first so she can see how much more awesome mine will be.

[–]flinxsl 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Just make sure to get drunk with the best man beforehand for more entertaining improvised speeches.

[–]Rab_Legend 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Just bring in Bill O'Reilly and go, say it bitch!

[–]jordanfilchock 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

haha

[–]bigmeech 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

clicked without looking. had to go back and make sure title wasnt about final exams

thanks

[–]A_Loud_One 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

As a woman I would say this Just tell her you love her and bring up something happy that only you and she knows. It will be perfect.

[–]clunkclunk 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I carefully wrote my vows, but ran out of time to write the short thank you toasts we gave to our family (who pitched in a lot of money and work for our wedding).

Fuck it, I did it live. After the ceremony, I asked the bartender for a beer. Downed it and a second one. Then winged my thank you toast, and no one was the wiser (including my wife).

[–]andy612202 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

My sentiments on doing the speach at my wedding apparently it went really well

[–]flipcoder 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Fuckin' thing sucks anyway