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all 147 comments

[–]Grumpy_Kong 65 points66 points ago

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Ahh... Eurypterids, my favorite prehistoric pants-shittingly terrifying water bug.

They could get much, much bigger than the model in the picture.

If they were alive today, no one would go anywhere near the beach.

Seriously, they could fuck you up quicker than a shark, and without all the messy thrashing about in the water.

I just love that word, it rolls off the tongue so well...

Eurypterid.... Eur-yp-ter-id... ahhhh, what a good sounding word.

[–]DawdleOrDieTrying 23 points24 points ago

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I don't believe you. I mean, how could this be dangerous?

[–]Grumpy_Kong 9 points10 points ago

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2 things:

1) Awesome username there

and

2) ZOMG! Plushie Eurypterids!! Unfortunately the olive one has sold, and yellow is yecchy, but I will be getting a keychain next paycheck... and I think I know a few people who will be getting them for Christmas now...

[–]Thaddiousz 1 point2 points ago

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me, perhaps? :D

[–]arachnophilia 1 point2 points ago

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i'd rather have this.

[–]GedTheFlayer 23 points24 points ago

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Just to emphasize this point. These things could get up to 3 meters long.

Yes, in prehistoric times, a fucking 10 foot lobster could just swim up with the speed and agility of a squid and snip your goddamn head from your shoulders.

The worst part? They weren't even saltwater creatures, confined to the Lovecraftian depths of the oceans. These guys lived in lakes and rivers. Oh hey is that LOBSTER-JAWS in my swimming pool?

[–]BarkingCynic 2 points3 points ago

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Oh, good sir - yes.

Anybody who can use the word "Lovecraftian" in a serious sentence is a gentleman of refinement and good taste.

[–]sweetmercy 0 points1 point ago

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Makes me think of lobstrocities.

[–]arachnophilia 3 points4 points ago

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"eurypterid" sounds so much cooler than "sea scorpion". okay, it's a scorpion that lives in the sea, no big deal, right?

[–]Grumpy_Kong 2 points3 points ago

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A scorpion that lives in the sea and that can be 9 feet long!

[–]arachnophilia 2 points3 points ago

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yeah, but the name just doesn't convey the awesomeness and size like "eurypterid" does. you wanna think little insects, not 9 foot long arthropods with giant claws.

[–]Grumpy_Kong 1 point2 points ago

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You definitely have an apt username.

[–]sigilvii 2 points3 points ago

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I saw the picture and thought to myself, "Those are still alive?"

Glad to hear they aren't. Not because I don't like them though! They're really awesome. I just want to make sure I have my natural history correct.

[–]Jesus_On_Ice 0 points1 point ago

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I recall this being from a discovery channel documentary about the prehistoric ocean. It had plenty of lovely CG interpretations of these things. I wish I could find it again.

[–]LoboDaTerra 0 points1 point ago

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I dunno. I'd eat that fuck out of that. With some water butter sauce.

[–]urnbabyurn 0 points1 point ago

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I guess this means it's a photoshopped pic or this guy can time travel.

[–]Freakears 3 points4 points ago

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I want to say this is from a Discovery Channel documentary.

[–]rio517 2 points3 points ago

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It's a model.

[–]Grumpy_Kong 1 point2 points ago

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Let's not go to Camelot... 'tis a silly place...

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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You mean they photoshopped a model into his hands? It's freaky what they can do with computers these days.

[–]BetterWithBacon 0 points1 point ago

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The Giant Isopods are my personal favorite. they look so lovable!

[–]Grumpy_Kong 5 points6 points ago

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[–]SouthFresh 79 points80 points ago

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Whatever it is, I have melted butter standing by.

[–]Ipeunipig 41 points42 points ago

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Red Lobster, standing by.

[–]reidzen 17 points18 points ago

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Red Skelton, standing by.

[–]ProjectD13X 19 points20 points ago

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Red Sauce standing by

[–]TiePilot 18 points19 points ago

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Red Fox, standing by.

[–]FreeParkking 24 points25 points ago

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Red Foreman, standing by.

[–]Valisk 17 points18 points ago

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Red Leader, standing by

[–]stanleyfarnsworth 15 points16 points ago

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Red Buttons, standing by.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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99 Red Balloons, standing by.

[–]jabroni2002 1 point2 points ago

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Red October, Standing By.

[–]ProjectD13X 6 points7 points ago

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Red Leader where is Red October?

[–]FreeParkking 39 points40 points ago

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Red October, Schtanding by.

[–]TiePilot 4 points5 points ago

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Simple Red, standing by.

[–]hojomonkey -1 points0 points ago

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FINALLY!

[–]OreoDragon -1 points0 points ago

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Red Leader, what's your position?!

[–]molkhal 3 points4 points ago

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Doggy.

[–]reidzen 4 points5 points ago

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...dumbass.

[–]justanotherreddituse 3 points4 points ago

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This was my first thought too.

[–]Uncle_Erik 5 points6 points ago

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My first thought was where to find a stock pot big enough. Then melted butter.

[–]SouthFresh 2 points3 points ago

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I think the stock pot I've got could fit that guy. The only real question is: Old Bay or not Old Bay?

[–]lastsanegirl 9 points10 points ago

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Of course Old Bay. What are we, savages?

[–]NoNeedForAName 0 points1 point ago

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This is why God invented garbage cans.

[–]AstronautOnFire 2 points3 points ago

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[–]simplystunned 2 points3 points ago

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We're going to need a bigger barbie.

[–]rube 70 points71 points ago

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Dad-a-chum, did-a-chick, did-a-chum?

[–]manwhowasnthere 17 points18 points ago

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...and the gunslinger followed.

[–]neontarantula 0 points1 point ago

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my favorite line from the entire series

[–]Montzterr 6 points7 points ago

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you just made my day

[–]rube 6 points7 points ago

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Thanks. That book was really amazing the first time I read it. I think it's still my favorite.

I'm currently going back through the series a second time but I've gotten to book five and I'm struggling for two reasons: lack of free time and the downturn the series took from that book on (imo).

Dark Tower Series by Stephen King if anyone was wondering.

[–]AmatureHour 1 point2 points ago

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I am so sad the movie/tv show got canned. I was eagerly looking forward to it.

[–]suomaf 1 point2 points ago

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[–]Hammer_the_Screw 0 points1 point ago

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I think the same thing book five is pretty good, but six is mediocre at best and seven was so anti-climatic. The fourth one is still my favorite after the first.

[–]rube 0 points1 point ago

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Yeah, I think my biggest gripe is book seven being such a letdown.

SPOILERS

I don't even care so much about the actual ending, the whole loop thing may seem like a cop out, but I'm fine with it. What I wasn't fine with was the way the two main villians of the stories, Flagg and The Crimson King, were taken out.

Eaten by a spider child? Come on. Lame.

And... erased? Seriously?

No big final showdowns, no epic gunfights with the last GUNSLINGER?

Oh well, I still love the series.

[–]jphoenix 3 points4 points ago

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Came in thread looking for lobstrosity reference, was not disappointed.

[–]intriptik 2 points3 points ago

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mmmn delicious lobstrosity

[–]Snart_the_Cat 0 points1 point ago

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Ctrl-F "delicious", upvote :-9

[–]jarvispeen 0 points1 point ago

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now i'm hungry for a tootlefish popkin

[–]qeuwtip 0 points1 point ago

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Lobstrocities!

[–]sweetmercy 0 points1 point ago

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<3

[–]busyk 38 points39 points ago

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Its Cgi from walking with the dinosaurs or some shit

[–]Margok 5 points6 points ago

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The series was called "Sea Monsters", I think. On the BBC.

[–]OralCulture 2 points3 points ago

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Chased by Sea Monsters maybe? The 10 deadliest seas part was really good.

[–]stopherjj 4 points5 points ago

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Yeah, they presented each of these creatures as if they existed today in live footage with CGI and these were actually done really well. My wife and I were sitting there watching this both saying, "WTF? How do these exist and we don't know about it?" Wasn't until they got another couple creatures down the line and the CGI got worse that it hit home these were prehistoric...

[–]caul_of_the_void 0 points1 point ago

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I remember watching this while under the influence of a really strong brownie. I couldn't tell at the time that it wasn't actual footage and just sat there saying "whoa, WTF?" until my buddy turned around and said "you know this is CGI, right?"

[–]Jesus_luvs_Jenkem 8 points9 points ago

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I don't know why you were downvoted. You're right. This is old and fake.

[–]Freakears 1 point2 points ago

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Some of the creatures for those documentaries were animatronic. I think that's the case here, as it's "small" enough.

[–]deluxedee 20 points21 points ago

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Blast ended skrewt

[–]FredL2 3 points4 points ago

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See, this is why I like potions class better.

[–]gbimmer 5 points6 points ago

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Protip: it lived millions of years ago...

[–]r00x 3 points4 points ago

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Good, because if it were alive today, none of us would be.

[–]zlozlozlozlozlozlo 0 points1 point ago

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Why?

[–]DougLance 12 points13 points ago

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It's a real life drone! The Zerg is scouting our planet.

[–]bewmar 6 points7 points ago

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Nah, its a broodling.

[–]DougLance 0 points1 point ago

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Shit! Brood Lords incoming. Send the marines!

[–]atheist_maybe 2 points3 points ago

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Marines vs Brood Lords? That won't end well.

[–]DougLance 0 points1 point ago

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It's all we've got! Fighter jets wouldn't stand a chance against mutas or corrupters.

[–]atheist_maybe 0 points1 point ago

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They have on advantage that will win the day! They can actually change their altitude.

[–]MrGrieves- 0 points1 point ago

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No wai that could turn into a hatchery!

[–]Rusty-Shackleford 6 points7 points ago

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Thankfully, for most of us these nightmare bugs wouldn't survive in our modern oceans. Large invertebrates are uncommon nowadays because they can't win out against creatures with endoskeletons or sharks.

A good example is the Weta, which is basically a class of insects that have gigantisized via evolution on New Zealand and other oceanic islands. The mere introduction of mice have led to huge drops in their populations. As fearsomely large and menacing as they appear (the size of rats) mere mice can easily dispatch them.

TLDR Don't worry about the Zerg. Our bony interiors and warm blood guarantee superiority!

[–]ImNotLikeYou 1 point2 points ago

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Am I the only one who sees two pairs of pincers?

[–]Baraeris 0 points1 point ago

THERE ARE... FOUR PINCERS!

[–]A17886X 1 point2 points ago

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Well, what did I catch today? Oh f*ck!

[–]meantism 1 point2 points ago

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OH HELL YUP

[–]Ethiylas 1 point2 points ago

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Spawn more overlords

[–]richard_photograph 1 point2 points ago

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well thanks im off to pour boiling oil in my eyes now

[–]Rcp_43b 1 point2 points ago

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WHAT the FUCK is that? That....Is AWESOME.

[–]Usernames_Suck 1 point2 points ago

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Hell YES! That thing is badass!

[–]Vincent__Vega 1 point2 points ago

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Mr. Pinchy?

[–]Eyke21 1 point2 points ago

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new Zerg unit!

[–]IAmTheGodDamnDoctor 2 points3 points ago

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Why not zoidberg? >-OwO-< woop woop woop woop woop woop

[–]Grizzalbee -1 points0 points ago

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came for this

[–]scribbling_des 3 points4 points ago

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Its only Zoidberg's cousin, he's harmless!

[–]FredtheFart 0 points1 point ago

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Eats like lobstet

[–]jojojoy 0 points1 point ago

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If only...

[–]Randompaul 0 points1 point ago

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I hope that's a movie prop..

[–]GiffanNoodleSoup 0 points1 point ago

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Put it back!!!!!!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Yum! I fucking love lobster.

[–]k4truth 0 points1 point ago

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..please be chuck testa

[–]praze 0 points1 point ago

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You need something taxidermized?

[–]daytukRjobs 0 points1 point ago

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They mostly come at night... mostly

[–]Phoxwell 0 points1 point ago

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So thats where defilers went for sc2...

[–]Srizzle 0 points1 point ago

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i love the universe and evolution and all those good things!

[–]Sauletekis 0 points1 point ago

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I was expecting spider, instead I got delicious

[–]Slownique 0 points1 point ago

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got butter?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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it reminds of the crawfish from animal crossing

[–]Reaper_Harbinger 0 points1 point ago

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NAZARA?

[–]eholbert607 0 points1 point ago

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Chuck Testa?

[–]praze 0 points1 point ago

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[–]RampageJaxx 0 points1 point ago

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that shit cray!

[–]dahorn07 0 points1 point ago

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There's no fucking way that thing can't fly and spit lava.

[–]redherring2 0 points1 point ago

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She (if it is a she) is more scary: http://www.thenaturalcanvas.com/arthropods/pages/4375.html

She looks like a young version of Lurch in drag....

[–]Freakears 0 points1 point ago

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Good thing it's been extinct for millions of years, eh, guys?

[–]fenixfire510 0 points1 point ago

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Gentlemen, I believe the Zerg species has invaded our planet...

[–]AJAX7701 0 points1 point ago

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I bet that thing tastes awesome boiled up and served with some butter and Tabasco.

[–]Monkeybirds 0 points1 point ago

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i kinda wanna eat it...you know like lobster.

[–]Rulnos 0 points1 point ago

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Skarner IRL.

[–]molkhal 0 points1 point ago

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Some body call the Ghost Busters.

[–]herpderp_roar 0 points1 point ago

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Looks delicious.

[–]cnordholm 0 points1 point ago

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[–]AMerrickanGirl 0 points1 point ago

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TIL that the lobstrosities from the Dark Tower are real!

[–]Porkfish 0 points1 point ago

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My god, that species hasn't been seen on earth since the permian era. Do you realize what this means???

[–]gddmngenius 0 points1 point ago

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It's a water creature. Doesn't count as creepy.

[–]indecisiverobot 0 points1 point ago

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Looks like a brood lord, lol. Terran making Zerg in labs?

[–]Snart_the_Cat 0 points1 point ago

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Looks delicious.

[–]extremelyloud 0 points1 point ago

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Don't tell me what I can't do - with this island monster!

[–]emethias 0 points1 point ago

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I wish it were.. I wish scientist would re-create a brontosorpio with some kind reverse genetic engineering voodoo.

[–]Nope_NameHere 0 points1 point ago

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Nope! Eurypterids

[–]orkid68 0 points1 point ago

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That thing is only slightly more prehistoric than this post

[–]t0x1k 0 points1 point ago

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dude...i would eat the fuck outta that

[–]Akhamy -1 points0 points ago

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NOPE. Chuck Testa.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Vercingetorixxx 0 points1 point ago

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Fuck yourself.

[–]lobstastew -2 points-1 points ago

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Looks delicious...in a nice buttery bisque perhaps?