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Submit your Halloween pumpkin pics to /r/horror's carving competition!

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all 77 comments

[–]cpxh 46 points47 points ago

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She just wants you to fix her computer.

[–]U731lvr 20 points21 points ago

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Fair trade for 3rd base.

[–]cpxh 2 points3 points ago

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Fair trade for a free dinner too.

[–]readitb4u 7 points8 points ago

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She wants you to fix her computer.

[–]shesgotdirtyhands 2 points3 points ago

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Yeah man, she wants you to insert your floppy disc and upload 300,000,000 files on her hard drive!

[–]pyroenthused 1 point2 points ago

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There's no way, not even in hades, that a floppy disk could hold 300,000,000 files. Unless they were empty files, but even then there would be the file references. I'd suggest using a thumbdrive instead. I'm sure the computer would prefer it to your floppy.

[–]this_is_tibs 10 points11 points ago*

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What about compression? Consider a simple compressed archive file format:

The first four bytes of the file are a 32-bit unsigned value representing the number of files in the archive. The rest of the file is the contents of the file (all files in the archive must be identical). The original file names are stripped in this format and are undefined in this standard, but they can be assigned at unarchival time using a method determined appropriate by the implementer.

As an example, a hex dump of such an archive of 10 files, each containing the string "Welcome to Hades." might look like this:

00000000: 0a00 0000 5765 6c63 6f6d 6520 746f 2048 ....Welcome to H
00000010: 6164 6573 230a                          ades..

If you convert 300,000,000 empty files to this archive format, you end up with a 4-byte file containing:

00000000: 00a3 e111                               ....

Assuming a 1440K 3.5" floppy using a filesystem with high overhead, say 32K + 4K per file and a 4K block size, this would fit with 1400K to spare.

Using the same filesystem assumptions, how many files can we put on a floppy disk using this scheme? The maximum we can store in a single, one-level archive file is 232 (~4.2 billion) empty files:

00000000: ffff ffff                               ....

However, to mitigate filesystem overhead, we can take 232 of these archives, each containing 232 files, and end up with an archive storing 264 (~18 quintillion) files in 8 bytes:

00000000: ffff ffff ffff ffff                     ........

An so on! Using this method, we can use our 1404K (capacity after filesystem overhead for a single file) to store an archive file containing 211501568 files. This is such a large number (~10346231 ) that there's no good way to put it in perspective. Quantities like this do not exist in nature, and yet, we can easily store that many files on a floppy disk. Of course, this is only one way, and there are compression schemes which yield infinite file density.

[–]shesgotdirtyhands 0 points1 point ago

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Yes, keep talking dirty!

[–]cpxh 1 point2 points ago

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I installed Viagra and upgraded my floppy disk into a hard drive.

[–]bonesmccoy 30 points31 points ago

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Remember, SHE asked YOU out. That means she is interested. you're golden bro.

[–]thane_of_cawdor 17 points18 points ago

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This. In the immortal words of Will Smith as Hitch:

"Just remember, she is already out with you.

That means she said yes when she could have said no. That means she made a plan when she could have just blown you off. So that means it is no longer your job to try to make her like you. It is your job not to mess it up."

Just act like Kevin James and you'll be gravy.

[–]Fistfightswithpandas 8 points9 points ago

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Going out for a date myself this week for the first time in a long time. Been single for almost a year now after a long term relationship. I have never seen Hitch, but I will remind myself of that now- she's already out with me.

I needed some advice like this in the worst way. A billion thanks beyond the upvote.

[–]CriscoMelon 1 point2 points ago

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Hitch is a goddamned underrated movie. So good...

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points ago

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When it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV.

[–]Dfro123 2 points3 points ago

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FTARH?

[–]daithiocoinnigh 2 points3 points ago

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Relax, be yourself and just enjoy her company, if you cant be yourself for a date, then a relationship is doomed.

[–]Throwaway1Trillion 0 points1 point ago

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Wherever you are, act like that's the place to be.

[–]ialreadyknewthis 60 points61 points ago

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Don't fuck it up.

[–]U731lvr 33 points34 points ago

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Women like it when you stare at them and don't say anything for long periods of time.

[–]Fuqwon 9 points10 points ago

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Except to occasionally smile and mumble to yourself, "Mmm yeah, that'll be good."

[–]U731lvr 2 points3 points ago

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No talking. No sounds. Just staring.

[–]cgsawtell 1 point2 points ago

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make sure you stare at their boobs, I hear they love that.

[–]DaHolk 1 point2 points ago

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[–]SmokinDynamite 13 points14 points ago

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The truth is: she probably did the same thing before asking you out.

[–]Nastybilly 13 points14 points ago

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You got to rub one out before you go. You can't go in there fully loaded

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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Tells us what happens RIGHT WHEN YOU GET HOME

[–]Shocking 2 points3 points ago

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[–]CheesewithWhine 4 points5 points ago

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Hard to imagine Sheldon Cooper having this sort of reaction over dating.

[–]Timid_Philanthropist 5 points6 points ago

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Good luck, we're all counting on you.

[–]SLeigher88 1 point2 points ago

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Most redditors live off vicarious action.

[–]zomgitsduke 13 points14 points ago

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Okay dude, it's time to BE THE MAN!

Enjoy your time and stop worrying about impressing her. The more you are chill and yourself, the better it will go.

Enjoy, and BRING HER SOME DAMN FLOWERS

[–]Dfro123 6 points7 points ago

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you think? i'd consider myself old fashion and chivalrous by nature so I like that idea but to some girls they might find that as possibly too much? Though this one would probably appreciate the gesture.

[–]BYAHBYAHBYAH 13 points14 points ago

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Lady here- you can't go wrong with a single rose! It's not over the top so she won't think it's strange, and it won't be awkward or get in the way at all. A big bouquet could be annoying. Good luck!

[–]Shocking 8 points9 points ago

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Listen to her! She's a source on the inside!

[–]gizza 1 point2 points ago

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I can't help but feel too cliche and dorky doing something like that. Maybe because my mum absolutely hates flowers so the only time I've really seen a guy give a girl flowers is in movies.

[–]zomgitsduke 2 points3 points ago

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Any girl would love that gesture. GUARANTEED. From experience, most girls like when a guy is sweet and a little old fashioned. Things like holding doors, flowers, and anything of a gentleman-like nature make girls feel special.

[–]easypeasy9 2 points3 points ago

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Once a guy gave me a yellow rose on our first date, and the gesture made me a lot happier than I ever would've guessed it would make me. Bouquets during a relationship are nice, but there's something extra special about a simple flower/small bunch of flowers on the first date.

[–]gggggrrrrrrrrr 1 point2 points ago

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it would be nice gesture, but there is a fine line between a big showy expensive bouquet that might freak her out and a cheap bunch of flowers bought at a grocery store or something. but regardless, most girls love flowers, so i'm sure she would enjoy them.

[–]SmokinDynamite 1 point2 points ago

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Depends on the girl, some might find it cheesy. It would've definitively ruin it for me with my now girlfriend.

[–]avnerd 2 points3 points ago

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It's not too much - it's sweet! Just make it a small bouquet.

[–]primatesandme 0 points1 point ago

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Just a simple little flower works--one of my exes used to pick me flowers on his walk to my house. I loved it!

[–]notavalidusername 0 points1 point ago

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don´t forget chocolate, jewelry and anal beads

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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Dude, she asked YOU out? Try and relax. Girls don't normally do that. You're already doing great.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Here's a cookie.

[–]skyrimjunkie 4 points5 points ago

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OKAY, so SHE asked YOU out, that means YOU'RE ALREADY WINNING, your job now is simply DON'T FUCK IT UP.

[–]KiltedMan 2 points3 points ago

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You did say "Yeah, that sounds good." right?

[–]Dfro123 10 points11 points ago

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SAP, gets asked out by crush...hyperventilates into bag and doesn't respond. (I did)

[–]KiltedMan 1 point2 points ago

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Excellent.

[–]lizabiz 2 points3 points ago

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Good luck, you will be fine! Plus if she asked you, you already know she has interest. Be yourself because she already seems to like you.

[–]Character_T 2 points3 points ago

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I don't know you, but for some strange reason I am really happy to read this, happy enough to cause me to log into my account and post this. I hope all goes well.

[–]amazing89 0 points1 point ago

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Gives me hope.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Dude. Suit up!

[–]popty_ping 1 point2 points ago

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hopefully, all going well tonight, she'll ask you in for dinner next time.

[–]jaavaaguru 1 point2 points ago

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I'm sure he's quite happy eating out ;-)

[–]movie_man 1 point2 points ago

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Nothing wrong with being excited!

Worse thing to do is overcompensate your nervous excitedness (which girls do like a lot) with an "I don't give a shit" mentality.

[–]bestbeforeMar91 1 point2 points ago

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To take the edge off, you should have several drinks before the date. Don't offer to pay for the meal, just the sex.

[–]movie_man 3 points4 points ago

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Make sure to bring drugs, lots of them. And only do them in the bathroom, you don't want her hogging any.

[–]synicalx1 1 point2 points ago

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Haha we've all been there, good luck bro!

[–]imfromtexasmaam 5 points6 points ago

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we HAVE?!?! Oh...yeah...i mean WE HAVE. Happens to me all the time.

[–]BennyBenassi 1 point2 points ago

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Man up.

[–]Cemitese 1 point2 points ago

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Jesus, please don't listen to these "bring her shit you bought" comments. But 10 hours later my voice will fall upon deaf ears.

[–]Kavusto 1 point2 points ago

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The girl i have a huge crush on has never voluntarily talked to me

Foreveralone

[–]Pit_of_Death 0 points1 point ago

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Good for you, man! Just bring that brown paper bag with you just in case you have to puke! Be sure to do it discreetly though.

[–]a_handsome_gentleman 0 points1 point ago

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Sheldon wouldn't have a crush on anyone, let alone be excited to go out to dinner on a date.

[–]T-Luv 0 points1 point ago

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Did she ask you to dinner or did she ask you to dinner

[–]avanava 0 points1 point ago

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you know what to get her right? A gift real special, so she knows whats on your mind. There are 3 steps included too. You cant go wrong. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhwbxEfy7fg

[–]MrEShay 0 points1 point ago

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You know the expression "saw that coming from a mile away"? :)

[–]SweSox 0 points1 point ago

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Good luck!

[–]Vampire1187 0 points1 point ago

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put it in her butt... chicks dig it in the butt

[–]Braindog 0 points1 point ago

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She is nervous too you know.

[–]LOVERBUNS 0 points1 point ago

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man up.......

[–]cat55 0 points1 point ago

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so how did it go? hope you took a flower or flowers as advised... so?

[–]M374llic4 0 points1 point ago

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Tell her that her vagina smells nice.

I bet you wont pussy.

[–]theper -1 points0 points ago

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Why did SHE ask YOU out? If you like her talk to her then ask her out.... You started off giving up the pants...