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all 167 comments

[–]TheCannon 128 points129 points ago

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Just so we're clear on this, the statue did NOT say no.

[–]siorge 40 points41 points ago

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I'm pretty sure she even wooed the moose with her slutty attitudes.

[–]itsactuallyapenis 30 points31 points ago

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There goes Miranda and her loose morals. Home wrecker.

[–]Krantastik 32 points33 points ago

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Miranda: the loose moose wooer.

[–]Thick-McRunFast 24 points25 points ago

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Strangest Dr Seuss character ever!

[–]snosrep 10 points11 points ago

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Sexiest Dr Seuss character ever

[–]EXPLAINS_USERNAME 9 points10 points ago

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"Persons" spelled backwards.

[–]PancakeTune 0 points1 point ago

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How woody.

[–]maxie_entaro 3 points4 points ago

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loose morals, or moose laurels?

[–]ViscidGobs 4 points5 points ago

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There goes Miranda and her loose morals. Home wrecker.

Don't you mean "moose" morals.

FTFY

[–]Mutant86 8 points9 points ago

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You could say she gave him the horn.

[–]Story_to_your_Name 25 points26 points ago

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He had been born a regular boy, just...you know....without arms or legs. He was, for all intents and purposes, a ball. He knew there wasn't much he could do. He could never have the same experiences as the other kids, but he always wished he could. There were times when he cursed his existence and others when he just gave up on hope, but there had always been something that he wanted to do before he gave up. He wanted to be in the air. He didn't need to fly, he just wanted to be up there, far above the other people. It was sad, but he didn't think he would ever get his wish.

As he grew older, he was sent to the circus as a freak show. It was degrading, disgusting, and humiliating, but he needed to eat. He would always feel worse after a days work and try to eat by himself in the tent, the others usually let him be, but there was a new guy today. He was big, more like huge, he had muscles on his muscles. He was the new "strongest man". To his annoyance, the new guy took a seat directly across from him. "What do you want?" the freak snarled. "I want to know about you." replied the man. "The others all say you are anti-social and no one knows anything about you. So, I would like to learn about you." He thought this was stupid, "I'm a man who is a ball. That's it." The man shook his head and his voice took on a softer tone, "No, no, no. I want to know about you. The real you."

Someone was interested in him? Not his physical self, but him? He was actually happy. A feeling of satisfaction overcame him and he began to pour out his story. He eventually told the man about his one wish. The man sat there, seeming to be lost in thought. "I'll be right back." said the man. He got up and left the area. Where was he going? Did he leave because things had become awkward? As he was thinking this, though, he saw the man come back, but he had the manager of the circus with him.

"I think we can make this work." said the manager. "The people would love to see it." What was he talking about? "The new guy here tells me you want to be in the air, right?" He nodded his head. "Alright, well this guy says he is strong enough that he could throw you. It would be a sight to behold!" Was it happening? Was he dream coming true? He felt his eyes begin to water as his hopes were restored. "Yeah." said the manager, "It'll be a good one. I've got just the name for your act too. It will be called____"

[–]Qargh 5 points6 points ago

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The aristocrats?

[–]frikazoyd 4 points5 points ago

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No, The Cannon. Look at his username. Actually pretty awesome.

Now, if the story involved his sister who has irritable bowel syndrome, and his parents who each only had one leg, then THAT might be more like the aristocrats.

[–]Qargh 2 points3 points ago

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Yeah, I noticed the username and went "d'oh!" right after I posted.

[–]Publius82 0 points1 point ago

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Duke sucks.

[–]iamagainstit 0 points1 point ago

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I like you

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Story_to_your_Name 2 points3 points ago

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I don't normally reply to these, but I think I need to point out that UsernameFanfic started just 2 hours before I did. I wasn't even awake when it started. How would lengths of a story be ripping off of someone? We both had the same idea at around the same time. I agree, I like UsernameFanfic's style, but I am not ripping him off.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Jahron 2 points3 points ago

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I believe him. Who the fuck lies about a novelty account? Even if he did rip off UsernameFanfic, who cares? It's reddit. Nothing that happens here will matter in the next ten seconds anyways because you'll just be clicking the next link.

[–]Story_to_your_Name 0 points1 point ago

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All I can say is that I'm telling the truth. I didn't even know his existence until he commented on one of my stories.

[–]WaywardSpaniard -3 points-2 points ago

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He was, for all intents and purposes, a ball.

I stopped reading after that because his name is "Mr. Cannon", not "Mr. Cannonball".

[–]Sember 3 points4 points ago

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If the statue dresses like a slut, she is practically screaming "come and rape me"

[–]TheCannon 1 point2 points ago

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Well, it's obviously her fault. Standing there, not running away, looking all hot.

[–]Sember 1 point2 points ago

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Bitch didn't even flinch.

[–]Sprakisnolo 1 point2 points ago

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It didn't say yes either!

[–]loud_opinions_bear 1 point2 points ago

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LOOK IF THE STATUE DIDN'T SAY YES OR CLEARLY INITIATE SEXUAL ANTICS THEN IT'S STILL RAPE OKAY

I'M JUST SAYING

[–]greenbird23 1 point2 points ago

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The statue being a statue is unable to give consent.

[–]NotRape__SurpriseSex 1 point2 points ago

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It didn't have a chance to.

[–]jimhalpertsucks 0 points1 point ago

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Particularly relevant username there.

[–]Troy_Davis -1 points0 points ago

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Relevant username?

[–]StillConfused 31 points32 points ago

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Cast iron alibi.

[–]jellybone 29 points30 points ago

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DAT BRASS!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Behaving like a wild animal.

[–]kevmo77 39 points40 points ago

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I heard that the buffalo's father was troubled by this photo. He's now concerned that he might have a bi son.

[–]kitty_hampsted 3 points4 points ago

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Out standing

[–]this_username 0 points1 point ago

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Out humping

[–]Mejsaren 26 points27 points ago

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whats the statue of limitations on this?

[–]Jordo82 35 points36 points ago

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Jerry: Statute.

Kramer: What?

Jerry: Statute of limitations. It's not a statue.

Kramer: No, statue.

Jerry: Fine, it's a sculpture of limitations

[–]random314 1 point2 points ago

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This is just a figure of speech guys...

[–]thecrumbles 9 points10 points ago

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Every time I see a funny image of an animal fucking an inanimate object, I gotta wonder. Is this basically nature's answer to the blow-up doll? Because I know those motherfuckers have a highly tuned sense of smell and complex mating calls, etc.

That tennis ball isn't a hot lady turtle. This cast iron statue is not giving our friend here the sweet sensation of a hot cow between his hooves.

So i posit this to you, naturalist types of reddit- what the hell is really going on here?

[–]mystinkyfingers 1 point2 points ago

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sombody probaly used something like this

[–]VaultBoy13 14 points15 points ago

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Moose-terbation

[–]the13thmachete[!] 7 points8 points ago

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Doesn't matter; had sex.

[–]LumpyDog 10 points11 points ago

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Pity their offspring. Society just isn't ready to accept a herd of Buffaloose.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Please someone photoshop a picture already!

[–]scissorblades 10 points11 points ago

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Maybe it's just a moose-demeanor.

[–]johne1981 2 points3 points ago

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It looks like elk-er skelter to me

[–]ClampingNomads 1 point2 points ago

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oh deer oh deer oh deer

[–]i_rock 8 points9 points ago

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did he use a line like "i aint rocky but do you wanna see my bull-winkel "

[–]My_Rick 3 points4 points ago

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Ass to trout?

[–]trout45 2 points3 points ago

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ಠ_ಠ Keep that thing away from me.

[–]trauma_queen 6 points7 points ago

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I mean, she was just standing there, naked as the day she was born; what did she expect?

[–]SJBean -2 points-1 points ago

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She was just asking for it.

[–]andyjonesx 2 points3 points ago

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Sex dolls for the forever alone moose.

[–]dopeasballs 2 points3 points ago

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"this bitch is soooo tiiiiight"

[–]knockturnal 2 points3 points ago

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Why...won't....it....go...in...

[–]KokkeTheKid 3 points4 points ago

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Statuary Rape FTFY

[–]Islandre 2 points3 points ago

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Thankyou, I came to the comments just to discover what the correct term for "pertaining to statues" was. Probably would've been easier to google it.

[–]slcrook 0 points1 point ago

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Once again, there's a vigilant individual who made the correction before I had a chance to. Some day, I'll beat you to it!

[–]lipish 0 points1 point ago

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I am not alone.

[–]knockturnal 1 point2 points ago

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He likes them cold and chubby.

[–]STUN_Runner 1 point2 points ago

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Is the statue more than 16 years old?

[–]ltbs 4 points5 points ago

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Yes, and so is this picture.

[–]neuro4322 1 point2 points ago

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the statue is definitely bi, son...

[–]lblase 1 point2 points ago

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At first, I thought that the moose was just part of the statue. I thought, "hmm... what a weird fucking statue." Facepalm.

[–]Hilholiday 1 point2 points ago

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He really needs to stop putting pussy on a pedestal...

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Me: I swear, if this is the picture with the moose and the buffalo again, I'll-FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

[–]hydrogen_wv 1 point2 points ago

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I can't help but think that repeatedly ramming the end of your dong into a metal sculpture wouldn't be very pleasureful....

[–]Hibidi-Shibidi 1 point2 points ago

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Probably one of the best Rocky and Bullwinkle references I've seen.

[–]HonorableJudgeIto 1 point2 points ago

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Older than Abe Vigoda.

[–]FrabriziovonGoethe 1 point2 points ago

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I know this is going to sound messed up but the city founders have a potential gold mine with that statue. They just need a collection chamber and then they can farm raise the elk/moose for meat since they have a ready sperm collecting area.

[–]no1113 1 point2 points ago

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Stone cold pussy right there.

[–]loercase 1 point2 points ago

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Pretty sure this statue is in BC, in the mountains just East of Osoyoos, on the Crowsnest Highway going to Rock Creek.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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You mean the statues that go with the street names on your way down the switchback? I don't think there is a buffalo one. They are also quite new as those are new subdivisions going in there. Osoyoos is about to get really busy with that new development.

[–]Dustin_00 1 point2 points ago

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Mammals.

Sick, sick, filthy, perverted mammals.

[–]andyman80 0 points1 point ago

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Horny bastard

[–]pwnlol 0 points1 point ago

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"ever hear a moose yell, "SURPRISE"?"

[–]77ScuMBag77 0 points1 point ago

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Yes.

[–]esPhys 0 points1 point ago

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Had to double-take to see if it said 'moose-understanding'

[–]JoNike 0 points1 point ago

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Anyone is able to tell me where that statue is located? I feel like I've seen that particular statue before.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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if humans never would have came to this planet, that would have never happened.

[–]Mookiewook 0 points1 point ago

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Carnal intercourse against the order of nature.

[–]qwertymaster 0 points1 point ago

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Inter-species rape. Might we get to see the first ever Moosallo?

[–]weasler7 0 points1 point ago

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I wonder if humping random things is like masturbation for animals who don't have opposable thumbs.

[–]Classick7 0 points1 point ago

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stands up slow clap.

[–]249ba36000029bbe9749 0 points1 point ago

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"But I was just helping her get over that block of granite."

[–]raouldukeesq 0 points1 point ago

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too many Ts.

[–]Askura 0 points1 point ago

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PUNS. As far the eye can see.

[–]griffith12 0 points1 point ago

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Moose On A Buffalo!

[–]GothicFighter 0 points1 point ago

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I first thought about Statutory Ape by The Black dahlia murder when reading the title... TBDM

[–]theogpburdell 0 points1 point ago

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Haha better call Dick Wolf's Sex Cops!

[–]Onefortwo 0 points1 point ago

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I guess the person that made the statue can take that as a compliment

[–]Scornful_One 0 points1 point ago

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Is that Julian Assange dressed as a moose?

[–]SuckItLily 0 points1 point ago

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...or broken dick.

[–]tooth2gum_ratio 0 points1 point ago

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Les Puns is full of wins.

[–]oliverhart 0 points1 point ago

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:O This was stolen from /r/moosedongs!

[–]Lombax42 0 points1 point ago

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Forever alone moose.

[–]DesolationRow 0 points1 point ago

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who down votes pure gold!?

[–]pablorobo 0 points1 point ago

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Stupid moose try to fuck bison. Silly moose, bison not able to fuck moose.

[–]rusty_shackelford 0 points1 point ago

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I'm pretty sure I've seen her before.

[–]Mastershake16 0 points1 point ago

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"Damn, this shit is tight!" - Buffalo

[–]RedditCommentAccount 0 points1 point ago

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If I were to rape this picture, it would not be statutory rape. This picture is old enough to be considered a consenting adult in 43 states and the District of Columbia.

[–]sbk201 0 points1 point ago

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Forever astone.

[–]strike05 0 points1 point ago

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[–]swaggervance 0 points1 point ago

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i am not amoosed

[–]FiredFox 0 points1 point ago

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"Why don't you have a graze over there?" - Moose Hansen

[–]ENTtropybot 0 points1 point ago

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"A moose once bit my sister..."

[–]chedda 0 points1 point ago

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This looks like it was in Keystone

[–]Irishstyle 0 points1 point ago

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Hahahaha oh, you're silly

[–]punkosu 0 points1 point ago

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Monumental Moosunderstanding!

[–]TehsSuop 0 points1 point ago

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Coming up next on Sick Sad World!

[–]Intrica 0 points1 point ago

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That looks like bestiality to me.

[–]pikminion 0 points1 point ago

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I'm not sure, but it looks like he's been busted.

[–]Red_player 0 points1 point ago

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That took me like 30 minutes to get.

[–]moral_orel 0 points1 point ago

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Looks like bullwinkle found a way to make his penis tingle.

[–]JediApprentice 0 points1 point ago

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Yeah I wish I could play this card every time a woman is frozen in place after realizing I've been staring at her for the past several minutes...

[–]virak_john 0 points1 point ago

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This is the proper model, legalization for soft drugs like marijuana and decriminalization for harder drugs like cocaine. Let stoners bankroll drug education and treatment for true drug addicts through pot taxes. Create a strict approval process for growing and selling weed, eliminate the cartels most profitable product (as stated by the US justice department) and help the health of your citizens.

[–]stir 0 points1 point ago

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Puns. The cornerstone of humor.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Well, someone in that picture is stoned, and we all know what that can lead to.

[–]livetoride 0 points1 point ago

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[–]hbomberman 0 points1 point ago

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It's kind of weird how funny that guy found the whole thing...

[–]TommyMore 0 points1 point ago

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If humans insist on making statues everywhere, some of them are bound to get fucked.

[–]forcedme2 0 points1 point ago

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After clicking this and realizing the pun I thought: "why the fuck did I click that in the first place?"

[–]chris-martin 1 point2 points ago

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Because it's in r/funny so you expected a pun?

[–]Mark4Nier 0 points1 point ago

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Double pun fun!

[–]stasibornagain 0 points1 point ago*

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Appears that some got buffaloed by this bull.

[–]IgotNukes 0 points1 point ago

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I have touched that statue, what does it makes me? :/

[–]hwhatizit 0 points1 point ago

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props to whoever made that statue convincing enough for the buffalo!

[–]filanthropist 0 points1 point ago

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Punny.

[–]gwax 0 points1 point ago

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Statuary rape is not statutory rape.

[–]Sloth_speed 0 points1 point ago

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This is so fucking clever.

[–]mesocratic 0 points1 point ago

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dm;hs

[–]cassus_fett 0 points1 point ago

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:clevergirl:

[–]theplayerspicnic 0 points1 point ago

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HI-OOOOOOO!

[–]domface 0 points1 point ago

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Tory statue rape: http://i.imgur.com/y6I0f.jpg

[–]sunamumaya 0 points1 point ago

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Statuary rape, no questions about it.

[–]iloveboba 0 points1 point ago

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Fleshlight for Elks.

[–]caribous 0 points1 point ago

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Did the moose even figurine the fact that that statue looks like a buffalo or bison?

[–]thejepr 0 points1 point ago

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And wood meets metal.

[–]Kensin 0 points1 point ago

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statues like corpses can be desecrated but never raped being devoid of a will to act against.

[–]kberr 0 points1 point ago

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Welcome to Manitoba

[–]hereiam355 0 points1 point ago

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I wonder how often this happens.

[–]Dunscaith 0 points1 point ago

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As a fan of horrible puns, I upvoted this.

[–]TheBigBanger 0 points1 point ago

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This hasnt been posted before.... oh wait...

[–]cheecheck 0 points1 point ago

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Dat ass

[–]Grand_Admiral_Theron 0 points1 point ago

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In jail, being on top ain't gay.

[–]Wilawah 0 points1 point ago

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Forever Alone moose

[–]ICountStars 0 points1 point ago

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Hey, whatever gets your rocks off...

[–]rothan 0 points1 point ago

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slow clap

[–]GarrMateys 0 points1 point ago

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This is in Boulder, CO, right in front of the stadium for the CU buffaloes (go buffs!). This is also a not unusual occurrence with this statue. I don't know why, but i've seen this irl several times. Maybe it's a reflection of how bad the CU football team is these days.

[–]Alpha60 0 points1 point ago

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Rape is NEVER funny... except in this one instance. I still better report you to Jezebel/Gawker just to be safe.

[–]StatutoryApeSC 0 points1 point ago

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Just so we're clear, I had nothing to do with this. It was all the mooses idea.

[–]Davezter 0 points1 point ago

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Shortly afterwards, the Moose has finished and left the scene. A family in a car sees an adorable little bison statue. They pull over to go take pictures with it. Someone leans on the statue in the wrong place...and now someone has Moose semen on them. This is one of those examples of the last thing anyone would ever expect in life.

[–][deleted] -3 points-2 points ago

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I'd say it's statutory rape. No joking though... it is a monumental offense.

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points ago

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christ this is funny

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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i love you

[–]Spankthat -1 points0 points ago

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[–]captpickard -1 points0 points ago

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[–]wheeldog -1 points0 points ago

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OMG thats Buffalo Park in Flagstaff.

[–]IHaveToBeThatGuy -1 points0 points ago

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I think that's in Buffalo, New York.... They have those statues everywhere

[–]Ceno -1 points0 points ago

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Where's the NSFW tag you fucking jackass?

[–]askur -2 points-1 points ago

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You know these people that think all men are rapists?

No no, not the feminists.. I'm talking about actual rapists. They think that everyone is like them.

Joking about it enables that delusion.

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against highly offensive jokes nor do I think you're a rapist or somebody that would take the actual crime lightly. Love my gallows humor and am pretty sure you're a stand-up person. It's standup-persons accidentally causing someone harm that worries me.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Hamburger_Hinderer 2 points3 points ago

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Congratulations on your 12+ inch penis.

[–]hellointernet81 -3 points-2 points ago

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Rape is never funny, ever. EVER.

EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Well, sometimes it is. But not in this pic.