So, I finally got a job interview

dougiefreshXD · 9 months

Pretty much every college grad.

kryptick · 9 months

I never understood that question either. Or the Why do you want to work here? I always want to say, for money, why else?

Youreahugeidiot · 9 months

Benefits of working in the financial industry, "I like money," is the correct answer. Cons - Loss of first born.

damajed_goods · 9 months

Asking seemingly inane, trite questions is a good idea for interviews. Responses can generally be interpreted to test if the person would fit in the corporate environment (or whatever).

It's a great way to screen for crazies.

"Why do you want to work here?"

"TO FULFILL THE PROPHECY OF AMEN-RAAAAAA!"

I'm positive, based on my American life, that this happens very very often.

doctechnical · 9 months

This was pretty much my view towards my yearly "performance reviews" at my previous employer (a Fortune 500 company, I now work at a much smaller place and don't have to put up with that sort of mickeymouse any more).

Boss: I have your performance review, let's discuss it.

Me (grabbing pen): Where do I sign?

Boss: Err, don't you want to read it?

Me: Should I come in tomorrow?

Boss: Of course!

Me: And you're going to keep paying me?

Boss: Yes.

Me: That's all I need to know. Now where do I sign?

Years before, when performance reviews (and the attendant pay raises) were "analog" (I think a variety of categories were rated on a scale of 0 to 5), I actually gave a shit, because it meant something to my bottom line. Then the company switched to this "Expectations" system - "Meets", "Does Not Meet", "Exceeds" (or as we called it, "Pass/Fail/Walk on Water"). The idea was that the employees were on a bell curve, where the lower 10% "did not meet expectations" (the slugs), the top 10% exceeded (the stars), and the great 80% mass in the middle were everyone else.

So obviously the decent raises were in the upper 10%, which you had to work your ass off (towards high blood pressure and an early grave) to get to - OR - you could do just slightly better than the slugs and get the very same treatment as almost everyone else. It was a huge disincentive to shine. For me, at least. An I liked to shine, but if I was going to be treated just like another part of the monkey-mass, why go prematurely gray?

Fucking PHMs. Where do I sign, bitch? I'm busy.

(please excuse the rant)

Edit: It just occurred to me that I min-maxed work. Well, so be it. Everything important in life I learned from Dungeons and Dragons :)

stmcneil · 9 months

"Well, I have a drinking and domestic abuse problem, my son talks to his finger, and my wife has never been within 50 miles of a dentist. Also, I tend to become racist when in isolation." "Fantastic.. when can you start?"

T8ert0t · 9 months

Or, if you want to be more tactful, kick it Wedding Singer style:

No sir, I have no experience, but I'm a big fan of money. I like it, I use it, I have a little. I keep it in a jar on top of my refrigerator. I'd like to put more in that jar. That's where you come in.

the_goat_boy · 9 months

I thought Torrence had a pretty sweet job. If I had that job, I could finish my novel in peace and quiet.

CykoMelody · 9 months

"So why do you want to work for Target?"

".....I don't know"

Then they hired me. True story

BenicioDelTaco · 9 months

I had been trying to get a job for a while without as much as a response. Fed up, I applied for a job and put the middle answer on every single question on that test they make you take. I got a response the next day and ended up getting the job.

purzzzell · 9 months

I'm in sales. On one interview, for the job I worked prior to my current one, I was asked what motivated me.

I looked the interviewer dead in the face and said "in sales, there's only one honest answer to that question - money".

Her reply was to let me know I may be surprised how many people didn't answer honestly.

I found out later that if your answer was not money, you didn't get a second interview.

Derpy_County · 9 months

Yeah, that's how it starts. But then before you know it, its all "I don't get paid enough for this shit".

apotheosis247 · 9 months

At the end of the interview you get the chance for payback and almost nobody takes it:

"Did you have any questions before we wrap up?"

"Actually, I was hoping you could tell me a few things you like about working at Acme and one or two things you dislike."

"Also, how has working here helped you to grow as a professional?"

Now let's see how well you think on your feet fuck-face...

WarPhalange · 9 months

Just got a new job myself... Went through several rounds of interviews... Got asked this very question about four times.

And each time, I wasn't quite sure how to answer.

I mean... Yeah, your place looks better than the other places that I'm not applying to... And it looks better than where I'm working now... But is that what you want to hear? Am I just supposed to go on and on about how awesome this place looks and I just can't wait to work here?

That seems weird and awkward to me.

But, of course, you can't just say "I want the money" or "My current job sucks" or something blunt like that.

magicbullets · 9 months

Rule #1 of job interviews is 'Never, under any circumstances, act like Jack Nicholson'.

incalculusnow · 9 months

What's the worst that can happen? Cross your fingers.

RoadWarrior7779 · 9 months

All work and no play makes jack a dull boy.

jamesbond007FTW · 9 months

Man, this really picked me up. I've interviewed at 5 place over the past 2 weeks and didn't get shit yet.

Big upvote!

asancho · 9 months

I have been furiously looking for a job for the past 5 months and have been pretty down recently because of how frustrating it can be. This made me smile.

Thanks.

nermid · 9 months

This question's fine, for me. I can usually think of a competitor who's worse off and then list off reasons why your corporation is less of a shithole than theirs.

What gets me is this "What would you say is your greatest flaw?" bullshit.

Fuck you. I'm here to sell myself. This is an interview, not group therapy.

[deleted] · 9 months

I like money.

[deleted] · 9 months

It is a weird question, but when I was a supervisor I was at a loss for questions so I just went with the common ones like these so it seemed like I knew what I was doing.

phroztbyt3 · 9 months

The best way to get a job nowadays, IMHO, is to lie. They ask you what makes you a valuable asset. Make up some story from your old job where you made them lotsa money. Or make up some project where you did a MASS amount and everyone was super happy about it.

Bullshitting works, if you can con the con artist (aka the manager).

Fuck_You_Downvote · 9 months

As someone who periodically has to hire people, this would be a very valid response.

Some jobs are very mundane and boring, and people only put in the hours we pay them for. Their pay is strictly a function of the number of hours worked.

$ = Hours(Wage)

Other jobs, such as sales or management, money is not the driving force, but rather to lead a team you trust or to eat what you kill such as in sales.

For these later positions, things never get to an interview. And at some point you get to name your own price.

Beaker09 · 9 months

As someone who hires/manages people and has worked up corporate ladder a bit, this doesn't last long. Things would be much more simple if that was the only motivation but people need to be challenged and shit or they get bored.

Sure_I_Can_Ship_That · 9 months

Jack uttered his words with a slight smirk, his eyes staring straight into Stuart's as if no distance could part them. Amazed at the man's boldness, Stuart allowed himself a slight grin and a small shake of the head.

"Mr Torrance I must say I like your style" he said with a slight tone of admiration. "I don't often say this, but would you perhaps like to end this job interview with a glass of wine?"

Now it was Jack's turn to look surprised. Stuart's soft yet masculine features had captivated him from the moment he stepped into the office, and at times he'd hardly been able to focus on the interview itself. And now, to hear the interest returned, in such an explicit fashion? Jack had rarely felt so happy. "Yes, Stuart. Yes I think I would like that"

Stuart smiled coyly, and slowly leaned into the microphone. "Uh excuse me Sally, would you mind bringing me and Mr. Torrance a bottle of the red?" Within a moment, Sally dashed into the room carrying an expensive bottle of wine and two glasses. Stuart picked up the bottle and poured himself and Jack a healthy amount. The glasses clinked as they toasted, and both drank, anticipating the night ahead.

Sally, not wishing to interrupt the moment, softly left the room. The last thing she heard before the door closed was Stuart's soft and sensual voice, "so what shit would you want to do for me?"

uJellie · 9 months

Funny, I literally JUST got done with that movie. I came to reddit, and this is the first link I clicked sorta.

alpo12983 · 9 months

I just tried watching this 3 nights ago by myself. I lasted 30 minutes.

[deleted] · 9 months

I like money.

schwerpunk · 9 months

I actually did some networking at a pub last night. Got some numbers, and an appointment. Pretty much the only place I know of where you can find a decent job at 12am.

I think I may have also agreed to a date... It wasn't clear. Anyway, as long as she pays for lunch, I'll consider it work.

You wouldn't believe what I used to look for at bars.

bw2002 · 9 months

FAKE!

That's not dixiewhiskey, that's an actor.

SolKool · 9 months

A friend told me that the answer you gave will make him know if you are a troublemaker, or just a helpless sheep who will do anything. Someone answered something along the lines of Jack Nicholson, and he set fire to a warehouse full of paper supplies.

DirtyMikeballin · 9 months

what movie is this?

Jimmy_Big_Nuts · 9 months

This is so fucking true.

I WISH job interviews were just a bunch of burning rings of fire, where you just have to jump through the hoops to reach the job contract/ pile of money.

soop13 · 9 months

HR: good at judging people based on their retarded questions, not good at anything else

hey12delila · 9 months

"What makes you want this job as a City Guard?"- "I used to be a Warrior, then I got an arrow in the knee."

Centy · 9 months

I actually said this once in an interview, well I worded it differently, they said they appreciated my honesty which was on the same level as the bullshit they normally get from the people they interview.

thefriendlycanadian · 9 months

BAHHAHA! That was classic.

usuallybored · 9 months

My favourite

youtea · 9 months

Just hope your boss is not a redditor.

ChrisDL · 9 months

i feel so cheap everytime i answer that question...

noagendaproducer · 9 months

Its kind of a goofy question but I can understand why it is asked. If the person is only interested in the money, chances are they aren't going to stick around for the long run but if they are more interested in the company and in the business it is in, they are more likely to be a long term employee.

enerener · 9 months

Why do you want to work for us? - You got good benefits and shit.

Why should we hire you? - I can eliminate all your middle managers by this single script.

funny

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