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all 186 comments

[–]Cyanr 228 points229 points ago

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"Ooh! Oreos! Someone's hungry!"

It's a fucking pineapple, Shannon!

[–]chunchun1 45 points46 points ago

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i too wondered why is she buying a whole pineapple in a cafeteria?

[–]achievable_chode44 39 points40 points ago*

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[–]devoting_my_time 1 point2 points ago

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Win

[–]FreeDirt -1 points0 points ago

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Don't worry, it's SFW.

[–]schoonerism 6 points7 points ago

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Well, last year I had to purchase a meal plan at my uni and our cafeteria sold whole fruit (as well as actual meals.) It made sense to spend extra money I had in the meal plan on fruit that I'd have to buy at a grocery store anyway. So that's a reason to buy a pineapple in a cafeteria.

[–]Malgas 1 point2 points ago

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I once bought a whole coconut on a college meal plan. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to get a coconut open using only the tools available in a dorm room?

[–]schoonerism 0 points1 point ago

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well, i have an apartment now with a lot of tools but when i was in a dorm i had a hammer, nails, pliers and a swiss army knife with saw blade. I probably could have got it open an hour or so. I love coconuts but never get to eat them. I should go buy one. brb.

[–]Bubblebath_expert 2 points3 points ago

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I have on a few occasions bought a whole pineapple during my lunch break. It's the tastiest fruit in the world, but only if it's freshly cut.

I share it with my coworkers when I've had enough.

[–]BryanMcgee 1 point2 points ago

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I ate a whole pineapple in one sitting once. My tongue was burned for days.

[–]knockturne 7 points8 points ago

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Shannon is the fucking worst.

[–]ejg729 5 points6 points ago

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I'm glad Ana Lucia shot her.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

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No, Shannon made me laugh. Grievous wound made me cry. He is the worst.

[–]TheHuffness -1 points0 points ago

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is he wearing a leather suit?

[–]Phlecks 1 point2 points ago

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Is this where "shut your stupid mouth, Shannon" come from? I swear I've heard the exchange before...

[–]CaesarOrgasmus 1 point2 points ago

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It was a joke from a Comedy Central special. I don't remember the comedian's name, but he was from North Carolina and kind of looked like Larry Bird. The original line was "You shut your whore mouth, Shannon!"

[–]Phlecks 0 points1 point ago

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Yeah I remember that...shit I should find that video and get this out of my head so I can get back to my homework.

[–]Cyanr 0 points1 point ago

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I honestly have no idea. I just used the same name from the photo

[–]tympyst 1 point2 points ago

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The origin of shutting your whore mouth... http://vimeo.com/15636253

[–]jeneener -1 points0 points ago

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thank you. it needed to be said.

[–]LeadGenDairy 71 points72 points ago

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Mario is also not a 2 player game...

[–]SometimesY 37 points38 points ago

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And Mario is jumping the other way and yet everyone is happy. Jumping into a bottomless hole in Super Mario Bros. is not something to be happy about.

[–]elshizzo 20 points21 points ago

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it is if you're not the one playing

[–]xdreamx 0 points1 point ago

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Damn. I came here to say that.

[–]dicknipples -1 points0 points ago

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The image on the screen is mirrored.

[–]morphine12 21 points22 points ago

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Well it is, but not concurrent 2 player.

[–]Cajun 15 points16 points ago

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And the box isn't connected either.

[–]glenbolake 1 point2 points ago

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Honestly, that's probably why they didn't bother turning it on. They didn't connect the wires so there wouldn't be cable clutter on the table, so the power light wouldn't have gone on, regardless of whether it was hooked up to the TV.

Also, did anybody else catch that in the still on the TV, Mario is jumping to the left into a chasm? Yeah.

[–]Goiters_Gonna_Goit 5 points6 points ago

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Mom is not even looking at the TV

[–]Captainstarbucs 2 points3 points ago

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just like real life :')

[–]eatsnobananas 3 points4 points ago

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And how in the hell is the kid in yellow supposed to be able to see anything on the screen? He's too far to the side. Shit gets hard to see.

[–]newsjunkee 0 points1 point ago

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The kid in the foreground isn't even looking at the screen.

[–]flume 0 points1 point ago

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Most of them aren't looking at the screen. The kid in the back cannot see the screen from where he is.

[–]SkeletonKeys 41 points42 points ago

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The elderly couple (second from last) look very familiar...

[–]basvde 24 points25 points ago

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Looks like they snorted some

[–]elegylegacy 18 points19 points ago

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Facial expressions aside, you must be on something if you keep your arms outstretched the whole time you're playing a video game.

[–]BluishOrange 9 points10 points ago

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Not if you are on a serious run in Mario Kart. That shit gets intense.

[–]SkeletonKeys 1 point2 points ago

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Now that you mention it, I probably made that face a few times during 4-player double dash.

[–]basvde 0 points1 point ago

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Rainbow Road on All-Cup Tour, they are short by 1 point and are almost at the finish. Blue shell is incoming, impact estimated at 5 seconds.

[–]HardCorwen 1 point2 points ago

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They're in so much marketing. I've seen them used SO much. Hell, I've used them before in my own graphic design.

[–]FunFactor100 0 points1 point ago

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[–]Unrelated_Gif 129 points130 points ago

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[–]Magrippinho 41 points42 points ago

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This is, like, the trailer from the greatest Atari game never to have been released.

[–]hiphophippopotamus 9 points10 points ago

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Yeah, like.

[–]Zaniel 2 points3 points ago

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Totally.

[–]Malgas 1 point2 points ago

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I've never seen an Atari game that looked that good. This is like King's Quest 1 graphics.

[–]Odusei 19 points20 points ago

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So that whole movie was based on a gif? Hollywood will license anything nowadays.

[–]DomTheWrench 42 points43 points ago

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Wow Spoiler Alert

[–]Streakiest 29 points30 points ago

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in the bible, jesus dies

[–]jaxioni 7 points8 points ago

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jerk!

[–]flume 16 points17 points ago

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He comes back!

[–]jaxioni 10 points11 points ago

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JEEZ! I haven't got to that bit yet. Day ruined. I'll be on my bunk.

[–]obstreperouspear 11 points12 points ago

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I don't think you get the "I'll be in my bunk" reference.

[–]jaxioni 1 point2 points ago

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nope. it gets misused in my household.

[–]ForgettableUsername 1 point2 points ago

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That's the big Canadian guy's catchphrase from Firefly. He says it whenever he gets mad at someone.

[–]Bubblebath_expert 4 points5 points ago

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That's... no precisely that. How old were you when you watched Firefly?

[–]ForgettableUsername 2 points3 points ago

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I was just glad to see they'd given Han Solo a TV show of his own... But I wasn't too happy with the millennium falcon redisign.

[–]wOlfLisK 0 points1 point ago

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No, I think he does ಠ_ಠ

[–]wOlfLisK 0 points1 point ago

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No, I think he does ಠ_ಠ

[–]JimmerUK 8 points9 points ago

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This was made by FoldsFive on b3ta. Someone's cropped his watermark and added their own.

[–]SirPrize 4 points5 points ago

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Most impressive.

[–]Legitimidget 14 points15 points ago

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Last time I checked Obi-Wan's lightsaber was blue...

[–]lamqta 2 points3 points ago

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You know, this is why they killed all the red shirt guys in Star Trek...

[–]griffiw 2 points3 points ago

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Aw, man. I was hoping it'd go through episodes 4, 5, and 6. Still an awesome gif nonetheless.

[–]flounder19 1 point2 points ago

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So the popcorn gif thread for hihi_birdie and I_am_the_cheese must have been like Christmas for you, right?

[–]Unrelated_Gif 2 points3 points ago

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[–]Rigurun 1 point2 points ago

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I have no idea what this is doing here.

But I love it.

[–]Luftwaffle88 1 point2 points ago

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I just went through the whole thing trying to quote the most relevant line for each scene. I feel very satisfied.

[–]toxxyface 9 points10 points ago

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"why dont some of us sit on the other side of the goddamn table?" this was my LOL moment

[–]toolittlesunshine 2 points3 points ago

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Because thats where their ugly children are sitting.

[–]jaxioni 23 points24 points ago

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I think it's funny when average looking people say, with much superiority, "I'm a model." The plump lady in the fifth image down is a model. Just sayin'.

[–]flamingeyebrows 7 points8 points ago

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I used to share an apartment with this chick who introduced herself to everyone as a model. We later found out that she just had a portfolio that she paid for with no previous job and she in fact just hand out pamphlets for a club...

[–]jaxioni -1 points0 points ago

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ha! awkward.

[–]esme21 11 points12 points ago

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"plump"....yes....

[–]Goiters_Gonna_Goit 13 points14 points ago

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"slightly" "rotund"

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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[–]funknut 0 points1 point ago

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I believe the preferred term in the industry is "plus-size".

[–]qbensis 22 points23 points ago

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Buying Oreos AND a pineapple? Must be an ent.

[–]hypnonewt 24 points25 points ago

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Third photo down looks like she is reminiscing about her college days, especially with that phalic sausage in her hand.

Or thinking this is going to feel so good later.

[–]xfirefly 10 points11 points ago

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I feel like a hilarious opportunity was missed, considering what she's holding.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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I also feel the potential was not reached on the obesity crane.

[–]adamfutur 2 points3 points ago

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Sometimes a sausage is just a sausage

[–]pikacz 2 points3 points ago

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i have the grevious wound

[–]the_silent_redditor 4 points5 points ago

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Is that a leather suit? My word.

[–]korri 7 points8 points ago

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The lady in the bed crane thing... Is that a real stock photo? I mean stock photos are used for pictures that companies will use in stupid ads and stuff. Who the hell is using that in an ad?

And why do both of them look so happy?

[–]timdiggerm 19 points20 points ago

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Perhaps it's a bed crane company?

[–]AtomicDog1471 6 points7 points ago

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Had many bed crane companies can there be for the stock photo company to have deemed this photo profitable?

[–]johndoe42 5 points6 points ago

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I doubt its for the patient lift itself. Most of these photos are bought by practices to put in brochures and websites and what not. Customers would range from rehab centers to senior living care (marketed to caregivers and family of course, not the most pleasant picture to have the patient themselves look at) in order to say in marketing speak "yes, we're capable of taking care of your obese parents" without being explicit.

[–]Emperor_Zar 7 points8 points ago

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That's not a "bed crane". That's a fucking engine hoist! The only difference is that it doesn't have a human attachment and doesn't "look" like medical equipment.

They could repackage either for the multi-use application! Lift your morbidly obese human with ease! Can also be used to take that 350 outta your truck!

(human attachment sold separately)

[–]fortyonejb 2 points3 points ago

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I came here to mention the fact they are using an engine lift, thank you reddit.

[–]yonicay 1 point2 points ago

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it could be used to say "look how happy our patients and nurses are" for a nursing home or hospital.

[–]NonPermissive 5 points6 points ago

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Occasionally people will exchange currency for bed cranes. This photo would be of use for that. They're smiling because a) they're being paid and b) they're being told to smile.

[–]SlayerConman 5 points6 points ago

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You're right, but that's what he's saying. That picture was probably specifically commisioned for that product's advertising. That's not a stock photo. Stock photos are very gereric photos taken for cheap that companies can buy for cheap to plug into advetising, websites, whatever. The crane picture seems a little too specific to be actual stock photography.

On a side note, it is a terrible idea for actors (or models even) to agree to do stock photography. it usually pays really poorly and if a company buys it for cheap (which you don't have any say over) and uses your image in their advertising that can be seen as a conflict if another competing company wants to actually use you in their commercial, which would eliminate you from the running. So for instance if Shannon the checkout girl got paid $100 to do that shoot and then Target bought that image and used it in their advertising, she probably wouldn't be elligible to do the Wal-Mart national commercial which would pay well and include residuals.

TL;DR Actors and models, please don't agree to do stock photography. It's a bad business decision.

[–]skinpeels 0 points1 point ago

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I don't know, Amy Pohler did stock photography and look where she is now. She's fucking Will Arnett, that's where she is.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Do you think she would be happier or sadder if she had to attempt to lift that woman onto the bed without a crane....

[–]Bubblebath_expert 0 points1 point ago

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I'd say a hospital or some other place that takes care of the elderly or disabled.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points ago

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I dont like the child in the last image. She is scaring me. Like peering into my very soul to discover the best way to kill me by using my fears against me. Or like she will kick my dog. Fuck that >:(

[–]nyx210 11 points12 points ago

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Maybe she's related to this kid?

[–]redditor9000 4 points5 points ago

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oh fuck that's scary

[–]aRhythMetic 2 points3 points ago

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Why wouldn't you use the cafeteria picture caption to comment on how the lunch lady is handing the woman an entire pineapple?

[–]zim2411[!] 2 points3 points ago

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Francetucky did it better.

[–]KJHSRH 2 points3 points ago

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reminds me of women struggling to drink water

I've seen this somewhere before so it's probably a repost, but it makes me laugh manically every time.

[–]conanarama 2 points3 points ago

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The dentist assistant isn't wearing gloves. ಠ_ಠ

[–]ProbablyStillLurking 2 points3 points ago

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Booo, I hate when I see a site give due credit and then get jacked and reposted without credit. Hence: http://tpdsaa.tumblr.com/post/2748169173/submitted-by-chrismaddox

[–]Jackstick 2 points3 points ago

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Arabic parents

Asian children

Mexican food

[–]BlatirA 2 points3 points ago

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Am I the first one to notice that the Nintendo kids are playing single player with two controllers?

[–]griffith12 0 points1 point ago

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Just about to post that.

[–]ozzy1992 4 points5 points ago

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Did anyone notice the pineapple?

[–]Anon_is_a_Meme 4 points5 points ago

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Yes. Did you notice the gorilla?

[–]Zuhalter2000 1 point2 points ago

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[–]MasZakrY 8 points9 points ago

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"Our paper towel brand is giving 2% of its profits to the rainforests. Our grandchildren are now safe."

-I lol'ed

[–]rubbish_username 1 point2 points ago

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there is no way that big girl is fitting in that wheelchair!

[–]the_cowboy 2 points3 points ago

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if they drop her from high enough she can probably squeeze in

[–]Moneybags_McBigCock 1 point2 points ago

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That lady looks like she's about to commit seppuku with a frigging sausage

[–]duderin0 1 point2 points ago

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I always felt sorry for these people for some reason

[–]ilikethecaps 1 point2 points ago*

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The picture of the obese woman and the crane is one of the most depressing things I have seen in a while.

[–]Silenced_is_Foo 1 point2 points ago

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The "shut up, you are adopted" is a terrible speech-bubble positioning failure. Has this guy ever read a comic?

[–]chunchun1 1 point2 points ago

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that is too much food for a family of four with small children

[–]bookemdanno 1 point2 points ago

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I just realized that hoyer lift looks like a crane for adults. I should have played with it more when we had one (of course, not when the client needed it)

[–]redshirttt 1 point2 points ago

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[–]betterpc 1 point2 points ago

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[–]equinox5005 1 point2 points ago

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Your link isn't a jpeg, made it much more enjoyable

[–]a_harmonious 1 point2 points ago

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That's an engine hoist. But, you know, for people.

[–]mbleslie 1 point2 points ago

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This is terrible

[–]Master_of_Dutches 1 point2 points ago

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Oh my lord (fifth pic down)..... thats the same lift I use to take engines out of cars.... haha

[–]3_toed_giraffe 1 point2 points ago

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The kid in the nintendo stock photo looks like Tim Heidecker.

[–]Phoequinox 1 point2 points ago

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Keeping it classy on #5. I approve.

[–]slapabrownman 1 point2 points ago

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this is a repost I downvoted a month ago...

[–]i_am_stardust 1 point2 points ago

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Agree, repost and unfunny. If you want funny captions try The Monkeys Your Ordered.

[–]vividimaginer 1 point2 points ago

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BWAHAHAHAHAH "why don't you shut your stupid mouth shannon"

[–]OverlordQ 1 point2 points ago

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You gums bleed when probed because they're inflamed, not because they're probing your gums.

If you floss, it cuts down on inflammation and hence less bleeding. So yes, the dentist is right.

[–]Bezulba 2 points3 points ago

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no, the dentist is sticking my gum with a stick... he's causing the bleeding and should suffer in hell for ever and ever and ever and ever

[–]Korkymann 1 point2 points ago

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ReX-post! that is a month old.

[–]kkj93 0 points1 point ago

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Fourth one is the best.

[–]sguitaradam 0 points1 point ago

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The table family had so much food.

[–]esme21 4 points5 points ago

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and is it just me or do they all appear to be of a different racial background?

[–]oleoleoleoleole 1 point2 points ago

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The kid on the left definitely looks asian. Also, the mom is pretty damn good looking.

[–]noctrnalsymphony 0 points1 point ago

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Kid on the right appears to be latino, though inconclusive. The parents could be yuppee third world adopters?

[–]montereybay 1 point2 points ago

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Or the mom has some splaining to do.

[–]AtomicDog1471 0 points1 point ago

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They all look to be of fairly dubious-ethnicity.

[–]SublimePunk1995 1 point2 points ago

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Its 1% of the whole markets weekly shipment.

[–]Neker 0 points1 point ago

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"I often feel that my life is a grievous wound that will never heal."

[–]VslachaTurbo Sloth 0 points1 point ago

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I thought the cashier was going to say something about what the lady in checkout was planning on doing with the pineapple.

[–]The-Dudemeister 0 points1 point ago

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For someone trying to make witty jokes about the pictures, the one with the girl holding what looks like mouth wash is a pretty big botch.

[–]joeboi85 0 points1 point ago

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Can somebody give me the link to the original pic of the guy holding the laptop cheering? I'm gonna start a new meme.

[–]dentwrong 0 points1 point ago

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the caption for #3 should be: "this isn't the dildo i was looking for!"

[–]will_at_work 0 points1 point ago

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greivous wound guy looks like mr bean jr

[–]Shinyteeth 0 points1 point ago

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But you really will bleed less if you floss regularly.

[–]theElegantWorm 0 points1 point ago

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why are people so annoyed when cashiers make remarks? when i was a cashier i was just so fucking bored and I wanted to make small talk and be friendly to the customers. where i worked most of them were old ladies, and actually liked it. I think....

[–]k1ko 0 points1 point ago

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I'd thrust in her too if you know what I mean.

[–]vivvav 0 points1 point ago

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The dinner table is my favorite.

[–]lechonga 0 points1 point ago

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Why the hell is the old woman in the candy isle (3rd pic) holding a roulade?

[–]verbosely 0 points1 point ago

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Reminds me of this video

[–]Mohawesome 0 points1 point ago

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Also that Mario game isn't multiplayer :S

[–]Diego_Poop 0 points1 point ago

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The nurse aide should really have a partner helping her with that Hoyer lift.

[–]griffith12 0 points1 point ago

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that lady is at least a 3 assist.

[–]djstangl 0 points1 point ago

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I want to see more of these!

[–]honeysaliva 0 points1 point ago

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I love when they make up names. I don't know why, but it's even funnier to me.

[–]griffith12 0 points1 point ago

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I actually remember the Nintendo one.

[–]Silverkarn 0 points1 point ago

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The second one is so true, the first dentist i had kept saying this. I got sick of them making me bleed so much because they used fresh, just out of college, trainees.

The last time it happened and they said that i ripped off my bib, stood up and told them "I floss every day, and i use the hardest bristle brush i can find, and i brush my teeth HARD, if i don't bleed from that, then its definitely something YOU are doing to make me bleed"

Then i walked out and found a new dentist that doesn't even use those metal picks.

[–]Athene_Wins 0 points1 point ago

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3 = spacedicks

[–]SurfSnowSkate 0 points1 point ago

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more ! more!

[–]rpetre 0 points1 point ago

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I know this means I should cut down on the porn consumption but the chick in the "name ends with a vowel" shot looks a lot like Bree Olsen.

[–]Smingers 0 points1 point ago

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Third one down seems like a real missed opportunity.

[–]agentidaho 0 points1 point ago

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My question is: on the 4th one, does anyone else find it weird that the kids look more asian than the parents?

[–]pigpen5 0 points1 point ago

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So that's what the anesthesiologist does after he knocks you the fuck out.

[–]toosleepyforthisshit 0 points1 point ago

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6th one down. Does anyone else think that the cashier kind of looks like Ke$ha before drugs and insanity?

[–]rationaIity 0 points1 point ago

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<3 second one

[–]tfkicks 0 points1 point ago

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I'm pretty sure the Nintendo is really on, just the light is blurred. You can see it pressed in a bit further.

[–]cero54 0 points1 point ago

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How dem white folks have two asian babies?!

[–]meemaan 0 points1 point ago

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wow, most Reddit are really dumb guys if you have healthy gums that were perfectly pink THEY WONT BLEED WHEN POKED your ugly dirty gum are definatly going to even if you don't poke it

[–]webchimp32 0 points1 point ago

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Laptop guy looks like "This is what my life has come to? Somebody please kill me".

[–]tree_D 0 points1 point ago

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I lost it at the Nintendo bit

[–]cfuse 0 points1 point ago

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Fatty and nurse are happy because everyone likes playing Angry Birds.

[–]Fdurke 0 points1 point ago

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[–]Canitrollyou 0 points1 point ago

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repost of a repost of a repost of a repost.

[–]DarnTheseSocks 0 points1 point ago

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SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH, SHANNON.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]roho1 0 points1 point ago

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hah, this is good

[–]B_For_Bandana 0 points1 point ago

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I think the groceries are blurry. It's not the photographer's fault...

[–]goshfyde 0 points1 point ago

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The image where the morbidly obese lady was being lifted out of her bed with an engine lift made me literally lough out loud.

[–]terriblecomic -2 points-1 points ago

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So you took a bunch of stock photos and decided to spice them up with hilarious captions? Wow keep up the super duper hilarious posting1!!1!

[–]i_am_stardust 0 points1 point ago

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Who ever wrote those captions needs to be fired from whatever job they currently have. They are a talentless hack.

[–]karnoculars -1 points0 points ago

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Shannon is hot.

[–]insane_and_irrelevan -1 points0 points ago

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that last kid looks like a miniature Anne Hathaway.

[–]renaldomoon -1 points0 points ago

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My god, how did she fit in that wheel chair?

[–]Godiscool420 -1 points0 points ago

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i wanted to laugh, but i didn't. these were unfunny as hell