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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]secretlypooping 558 points559 points ago

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this is why i do ride public transportation

[–]GooglesYourUsername 577 points578 points ago

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[–]secretlypooping 385 points386 points ago

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makes me like my username even more

[–]TheSheepdog 113 points114 points ago

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You got a pretty mouth...

[–]UltraJake 72 points73 points ago

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You must be new here. Strangers don't last long in these parts.

[–]FeierInMeinHose 40 points41 points ago

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You gert a purrrty mouth

FTFY

[–]Areonis 16 points17 points ago

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Don't you mean a potty mouth?

[–]JumboPatties 79 points80 points ago

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I googled his username too. I couldn't find that picture. Instead I found this.

[–]ExplainsGoogle 258 points259 points ago

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Google search results are unique.

The main reason is that there are many variables that Google looks at when returning your results. It uses past searches, region, your browser type, what ads you've clicked on, where you shop, third-party accounts you've authorized, browsing history and most interesting inferred interests and demographics. You can test this by performing a search and then signing out of Google, closing the tab and opening a new one to start a new session then doing the search again noting how the results change.

One variable you can't control is which data center is returning the results. There are a few in the US and some internationally. Which one you hit is random and varies with each use. Data centers are consistent with one another but a few are different because they are not using the same algorithm.

For more reading.

[–]JumboPatties 131 points132 points ago

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So what you're saying is google knew that GooglesYourUsername would want to see a naked girl, and that I would want to see Harry from Dumb and Dumber with diarrhea! I love it!

[–]Spo8 21 points22 points ago

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Short end of the stick, dude.

[–]Starfleeter 35 points36 points ago

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Oh, so that's why gay porn always come up in my image searches...

[–]NoddysShardblade 37 points38 points ago

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You google Will and Grace one time...

[–]THE_NO_LIFE_KING 5 points6 points ago

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ಠ_ಠ

[–]Juniperus_virginiana 15 points16 points ago

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Novelty account approved.

[–][deleted] 24 points25 points ago

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It wasn't until you said this that I went and looked.. but secretlypooping, googlesyourusername, and explainsgoogle were all created within 6 days of eachother.

CONSPIRACY!

[–]aldld 19 points20 points ago

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She's secretly pooping, butt... the lid appears to be down? D:

[–]biteableniles 18 points19 points ago

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megusta.jpg?

[–]not_rose 32 points33 points ago

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It's early in the game, but I think I like this novelty account.

[–]Roboticide 3 points4 points ago

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He's already racked up 15k comment Karma. I think everybody likes this novelty account.

I'll like him even more when HE FINALLY GOOGLES ME.

[–]Forgototherpassword 10 points11 points ago

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[–]galacticpastry 616 points617 points ago

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"Does this go to hell? Why can't I find the train to hell?"

[–]Poseidon-SS 616 points617 points ago

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I assumed it'd be a highway

[–]Lachlan91 88 points89 points ago

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Express elevator.

[–]tokomini 55 points56 points ago

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Gondola.

[–]Pyro627 67 points68 points ago

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Zamboni.

[–]eats_all_the_donuts 3 points4 points ago

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DeLorean

[–]mello008 2 points3 points ago

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Ski lift.

[–]Vindowviper 5 points6 points ago

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[–]Horseknuckle 14 points15 points ago

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Zucchini

[–]MoroccoBotix 6 points7 points ago

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...while riding in a handbasket.

[–]lundah 109 points110 points ago

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He's already riding the CTA, that's close enough.

[–]alatare 13 points14 points ago

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Having moved to Boston after 9 years in Chicago, trust me when I say CTA is a blessing as compared to other systems.

[–]femo1170 13 points14 points ago

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Someday a demon invasion is actually going to happen, and all of our flashmobs will make us not realize it until it's too late.

tl;dr fuck this guy, he is trivializing the very real threat of a demon horde.

[–]vanfanel66 14 points15 points ago*

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Not just any kind of train...

[–]Ladst3r 99 points100 points ago

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This is why I choose to walk everywhere.

[–]willman161 8 points9 points ago

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I Love Western Society.

[–]uptwolait 24 points25 points ago

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"You should try the hand basket instead."

[–]Bunglenomics 39 points40 points ago

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TIL Reddit hates hand baskets.

[–]heythisispaul 81 points82 points ago

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...I thought I was the only one that saw that thing on the subway.

[–]sgtpepper_spray 86 points87 points ago

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apparently no one else notices him.

[–]GooglesYourUsername 235 points236 points ago

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[–]sgtpepper_spray 117 points118 points ago

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now i feel like a real redditor

[–]DZ302 27 points28 points ago

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Well you're not, you're a big phony!

Hey everybody, this guy's a phony, this guy right here.

[–]agentmanningctu 3 points4 points ago

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A big fat phony!

[–]Silent_Storm 28 points29 points ago

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Fucking win.

[–]dandyandyy 1487 points1488 points ago*

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I fucking took this picture alex (moomasterq)... and you made front page of reddit with it. im gonna kill you ಠ_ಠ

https://twitter.com/dandyandyy/status/130582427490992128

Edit: (it's only made worse by the fact that he's my little brother)

[–]JonSherwell 104 points105 points ago

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Comment karma is where it's at anyway.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Magikarcher 25 points26 points ago

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I upvoted your comment to be ironic.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]melatonin1 6 points7 points ago

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I like your style

[–]Roboticide 352 points353 points ago

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All I can give you is one upvote.

Good luck on your homicide!

[–]Pucker_Pot 90 points91 points ago

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*Fratricide

[–]Andrenator 70 points71 points ago

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And good luck on your roboticide!

[–]Unrelated_Gif 10 points11 points ago

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[–]empressalex 34 points35 points ago

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He who snoozeth, loseth.

[–]canitoy 7 points8 points ago

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Can you do me a favor? Ask the girl "How you doin'?" for me. Thanks bro

[–]kenkyushiryo 7 points8 points ago

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little fucking brothers... always

[–]Zyphes 157 points158 points ago

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I would quickly arrange my hair, then walk up to that guy with my pants waist high and ask him "Excuse me sir, do you have a minute to hear the word of the lord Jesus Christ?"

[–]Architektual 83 points84 points ago

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Bad idea. He'd then be forced to stab you to maintain his image.

[–]bigdog91 261 points262 points ago

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Chicago <3

[–]WikiReddit 473 points474 points ago*

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Open this, then go to fb, and first pic I see is my drunken friend's pic with this dude in Chicago.

[–]dandyandyy 58 points59 points ago

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i took the OP picture...

[–]Paging_Dr_Chloroform 21 points22 points ago

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There there...

[–]killzy707 37 points38 points ago

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Post the pic and get shot to the top with up votes my friend.

[–]WikiReddit 28 points29 points ago

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I'm not very karma smart...

[–]killzy707 8 points9 points ago*

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Yeah I can tell, your pic is a reply, so bigdogs comment must get upvotes for many to see your pic. You'll learn soon enough.

Edit: Wait your name is WikiReddit. No puns to be made, carry on.

[–]zimm3rmann 8 points9 points ago

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"Yeah I can tell, your pic is a reply, so bigdogs comment must get upvotes for many to see your pic. You'll learn soon enough."[Citation_Needed]

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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God DAMNIT that is jarring, even after seeing the OP pic. Jesus fuck.

[–]JonSherwell 5 points6 points ago

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Mother of God

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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The demon is smiling. It´s a friendly demon from hell.

[–]gospelwut 34 points35 points ago

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Surprised this is so far down.

There are much stranger things on Chicago transit. Including but not limited: a person with a bird on their shoulders, a man dressed like Jesus selling pot,ignorant urban kids punching an old man in the face for laughs and video taping it, and the Mayor making random appearances on public transit. I'm sure there is the standard train-fucking etc.

[–]nokturnall 33 points34 points ago*

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[–]gospelwut 12 points13 points ago

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Oh, yes, I forgot about the crime fighting guy. I heard they tried to arrest him for being insane :/

[–]grahvity 29 points30 points ago

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This could be the first scene in a crappy horror movie or a really awesome porno.

[–]username_redacted 147 points148 points ago

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Shub-Niggurath, the Black Goat of the Subway with a Thousand Young.

[–]arachnophilia 47 points48 points ago

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i'm going with baphomet.

here is shub-niggurath.

Although Shub-Niggurath is often associated with the epithet "The Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young", it is possible that this Black Goat is a separate entity. Rodolfo Ferraresi, in his essay "The Question of Shub-Niggurath", says that Lovecraft himself separated the two in his writings, such as in "Out of the Aeons" (1935) in which a distinction is made between Shub-Niggurath and the Black Goat — the goat is the figurehead through which Shub-Niggurath is worshipped. In apparent contrast to Shub-Niggurath, the Black Goat is sometimes depicted as a male, most notably in the rite performed in "The Whisperer in Darkness" (1931) in which the Black Goat is called the "Lord of the Woods".

The Black Goat may be the personification of Pan, since Lovecraft was influenced by Arthur Machen's The Great God Pan (1890), a story that inspired Lovecraft's "The Dunwich Horror" (1929). In this incarnation, the Black Goat may represent Satan in the form of the satyr, a half-man, half-goat. In folklore, the satyr symbolized a man with excessive sexual appetites. The Black Goat may otherwise be a male, earthly form of Shub-Niggurath — an incarnation she assumes to copulate with her worshipers. (wikipedia)

As for Shub-Niggurath's association with the symbol of the goat, Price writes,

we may believe that here Lovecraft was inspired by the traditional Christian depiction of the Baphomet Goat, an image of Satan harking back to the pre-Christian woodland deity Pan, he of the goatish horns and shanks. The Satanic goat is a device of much spectral fiction, as when in Dennis Wheatley's The Devil Rides Out the Archfiend's epiphany takes goat-headed form. (ibid)

here is baphomet. and as depicted by hr giger (probably NSFW).

[–]MarkhovCheney 9 points10 points ago

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My own interpretation of Lovecraft's critters is probably more advanced than his own. The Black Goat (as Pan/Baphomet/satyr/Satan/etc like you mention) is sort of the active principle, the vital life force (see The Fool of the tarot), and Shub-Niggurath, as the mother, is the receptive principle. Cultic worship is carried through the Goat as information, which impregnates the Dark Mother (here a representation of the Womb of the Universe, the possibilities of programmable reality), who gives birth to magickal offspring. They are only monstrous because of the societal context from which they are being viewed, and because degraded, barbarous cults wish to use them for dark purposes. But what do I know, I'm weird...

[–]bstampl1 11 points12 points ago

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Pssst, I know who you are... Hail Sithis!

[–]Kerbobotat 2 points3 points ago

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Thanks for your insight man, I was -this- close to getting out of Arkham.

[–]mrmailbox 26 points27 points ago

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If he made a "come here" motion with his fingers, I would crap my pants.

[–]haiku_robot 15 points16 points ago

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If he made a "come 
here" motion with his fingers, 
I would crap my pants. 

[–]yooder 52 points53 points ago

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Classic CTA.

[–]LanCaiMadowki 22 points23 points ago

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Is that a krampus?

[–]frozenplasma[!] 2 points3 points ago

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That was my first thought. WHERE IS MY ANSWER?

[–]gospelwut 19 points20 points ago

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That woman has a seasoned "I don't give a fuck" transit rider face.

[–]Dubzil 113 points114 points ago

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[–]sleeplessone 86 points87 points ago

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Just buy it an apple and be done with it.

[–]oblio-of-point 3 points4 points ago

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Please tell me the name of this movie. I remember watching it and the sequel a few months back.

[–]sleeplessone 26 points27 points ago

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Death Note.

This is from some live action version of it.

[–]whyteeford 60 points61 points ago

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Because of...empty aisles?

[–]kmbroom 11 points12 points ago

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He just wants some apples, I don't see what the big deal is..

[–]Horse_Glue_Knower 11 points12 points ago

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[–]themauvestorm3 16 points17 points ago

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NOPE

[–]Silix 2 points3 points ago

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I really don't know why I clicked that link.

[–]weeniemonster 5 points6 points ago

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Soo, shall I send all of my psychiatric bills straight to you, or will your accountant handle them?

[–]classicduster 1138 points1139 points ago

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Yea, black people frighten me too.

[–]d4x 122 points123 points ago

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That demon is pretty game sitting so close to the black fella.

[–]UltraJake 20 points21 points ago

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If he blinks his mask will be gone.

Don't blink.

[–]notreallygettingit 966 points967 points ago

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I think it is obvious that he is talking about the person in the costume. Perhaps you should attend therapy for your unfounded biases. In the meantime, please keep your racism off of Reddit.

[–][deleted] 49 points50 points ago

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At first I didn't like you, but now I like you

[–]miaoued 385 points386 points ago

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[Looks at username] I see what you did there.

[–]contextsdontmatter 155 points156 points ago

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[Looks at username] am i aroused? not really

[–]tokomini 249 points250 points ago

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[Looks at clock] It is too late for pancakes.

[–]PonsAsinorumBerkeley 191 points192 points ago

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False. It's never too late for pancakes.

[–]tokomini 66 points67 points ago

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I should explain myself. I don't have the ingredients for pancakes, and won't be sober for some time.

Therefore, it is too late for pancakes.

[–]AstroMariner 34 points35 points ago

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That's a sad thing my friend. If you were near, I'd deliver you some.

[–]i_practice_santeria 10 points11 points ago

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Random Acts of Pancakes?

[–]Dr_fish 4 points5 points ago

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False. It's never too late for pancakes.

[–]Ajinho 8 points9 points ago

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exactly. taxis exist. 24 hour convenience stores exist. stop making excuses and start grabbing life by the pancakes.

[–]kmbroom 17 points18 points ago

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Whats a pancake doing in the silverware drawer?

[–]biggmclargehuge 48 points49 points ago

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I believe you mean, what's silverware doing in the pancake drawer?

[–]TimeForPancakes 47 points48 points ago

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Sorry I'm late. What'd I miss?

[–]tokomini 21 points22 points ago

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Actually, you're too late.

[–]LyssaPearl 20 points21 points ago

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It is NEVER too late for pancakes ಠ_ಠ

[–]thaiqr 35 points36 points ago

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I hope you make it to gimmick account stardom.

[–]cmbezln 9 points10 points ago

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Thank god I looked at your username, you almost made me lose faith in reddit.

[–]NeuralNet 20 points21 points ago

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Look at him! Just sitting there all quiet and passenger-like, waiting for us to get all complacent!

[–]sodmonster 16 points17 points ago

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When I saw this picture, the first thing I thought was " I bet the top comment is about the black guy"

[–]therealdohr 324 points325 points ago

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Id sit next to that girl anyday

[–]notLOL 364 points365 points ago

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you're the reason some people don't ride public transportation

[–]therealdohr 239 points240 points ago

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that and I am fat

[–]notLOL 55 points56 points ago

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you on a diet?

[–]therealdohr 73 points74 points ago

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yep, trying my best, keeping strong

[–]notLOL 49 points50 points ago

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what's your strategy?

[–]therealdohr 128 points129 points ago*

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  • portion control

  • /r/fitness for encouragement **Thanks Onyxpanda. I bet Florida Institute helps in weight loss too though

  • working out at work (very fortunate to have a gym at the office and trainers

  • need to cut out soda. that is my downfall

  • need to work on cutting out some stress (reddit def helps)

  • have limited beer and alcohol intake (not much to do in Wisconsin)

[–][deleted] 230 points231 points ago

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this thread took the strangest turn

[–][deleted] 75 points76 points ago*

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[–]therealdohr 15 points16 points ago

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so many colors!

[–]Onyxpanda 5 points6 points ago

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Uh, I'm pretty sure he means /r/fitness since the link goes to the subreddit for Florida Institute of Technology.

[–]gospelwut 9 points10 points ago

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It's a crime to ogle somebody while rub your penis against your pants leg and breathe a bit heavy imagining violating them?

[–]therealdohr 2 points3 points ago

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but it's not cheating if it is your peanut butter!

[–]CDarwin7 2 points3 points ago

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If such IS a crime, let me be guilty!

[–]diogenesbarrel 25 points26 points ago

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How do you know it's a girl?

[–]qwell 23 points24 points ago

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Maybe that's why he doesn't like riding public transportation?

[–]not_rose 9 points10 points ago

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True. Since Satan is on the same train, she very well may be a soul-eating succubus (literally).

[–]therealdohr 3 points4 points ago

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[–]zebraally 6 points7 points ago

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I just died laughing, what city is that in?

[–]Renmauzuo 14 points15 points ago

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Chicago, unless some other city has exactly the same subway cars as us.

[–]zebraally 5 points6 points ago

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good point :p I love fellow chicago redditors :) I didn't see homeless people so i was surprised

[–]Suddenly_Sexual 10 points11 points ago

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I live in Toronto and every morning on the subway I see this clean-cut guy with a goat on a leash. I decided to strike up a conversation with him about his goat and if he stares at you while having sex like my cat does. He said that he didn't know.

He does.

[–]GooglesYourUsername 20 points21 points ago

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[–]petedacook 46 points47 points ago

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Hot women....I know.

[–]meeshkaface 4 points5 points ago

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ah but that's what makes it fun!

[–]dabears554 6 points7 points ago

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I've seen worse on the ol' "L" train

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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yeah.... hipster accordion bands

[–]bonaqo 5 points6 points ago

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It's ... the Dark Passenger

[–]pigferret 9 points10 points ago

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Zuul lives on the other side of town.

What else is a hellhound gonna do?

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]jube18 18 points19 points ago

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Because those nice legs give you a public boner?

[–]Ajaksbackpac 12 points13 points ago

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Subways are a real puts on shades Hell to ride....

[–]jmaccadillac 13 points14 points ago

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YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHH!

[–]M7600 13 points14 points ago

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Did anyone else stare at the girl for a minute before noticing the monster? No? Me either.

[–]GeorgeThaGreek 3 points4 points ago

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Was that taken on the CTA in Chicago?

[–]ExplainsWhyItsFunny 22 points23 points ago

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It's funny because clearly this is from Halloween

[–]romerom 5 points6 points ago

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this is WHY I ride public transportation whenever I can.

[–]spiker4 8 points9 points ago

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Didn't even see that thing for a good 5 minutes, I was too busy looking at the chick with a short skirt

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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That is fucking awesome!

[–]Joshme 3 points4 points ago

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I...can't...stop looking...feel need to kill roommates...

[–]SonOfSatan 4 points5 points ago

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Because you caught the same train as a demon? Harden the fuck up, racist.

[–]lordmalifico 3 points4 points ago

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There's nothing in this photograph I don't see on my daily commute.

ಠ_ಠ

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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I bet that chick is public transportation

[–]buttguy 3 points4 points ago

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Noticed Cute girl first, Demon second.

[–]mynameisleo 11 points12 points ago

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Look how short those shorts are!

[–]majikstranger 6 points7 points ago

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At first all i saw was the girls legs and thought what kind of idiot wouldnt want to ride the transportation because a girl is dressed sex... Ohhh Wtf is that

[–]fett4evr 14 points15 points ago

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how could you even look at that thing with legs like that staring at you?

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points ago

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Scumbag transit commuter: double-take a Muslim; pay this no mind whatsoever.

[–]Crock5994 5 points6 points ago

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Nice boots

[–]mikesays 2 points3 points ago

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yea cta

[–]chingyduster 2 points3 points ago

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When Salad Fingers fucks a Demon.

[–]HairlessSasquatch 2 points3 points ago

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This needs to go in r/ soiled undergarments

[–]absentmindedjwc 2 points3 points ago

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Just another day on the CTA

[–]poguemahone81 2 points3 points ago

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I think we have a new Amber Lamps!

[–]vital8 2 points3 points ago

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i think you have your own shinigami now

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Because black people? You racist.

[–]jtbeith 2 points3 points ago

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That girl has some nice legs. Why would something like nice legs make you not want to ride public transportation?

[–]namrog 2 points3 points ago

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legs

[–]Lurker_no_longer 2 points3 points ago

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NOPENOPENOPENOPE

[–]Herborist 2 points3 points ago

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Hell demon can't even ride the train without getting harassed...

[–]Flexmeister 2 points3 points ago

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Because of the black guy?

[–]ifiwasntintherapgame 2 points3 points ago

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This is why I stopped tripping on acid in the subway.

[–]n0xi3 2 points3 points ago

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Where can you buy that costume, thats the real question.

[–]TonyDanzaa 6 points7 points ago

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I saw the girl in leggings and thought...that's not a good reason to not ride public transportation. Then I saw it..

[–]myfaceisaclock 8 points9 points ago

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So a pirate, a prostitute, and Satan get on the subway...

[–]namegoeswhere 5 points6 points ago

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i totally clicked the link, and looked away until it was loaded. nearly leapt out of my chair haha

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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I can't believe I had to scroll down this far to find someone who got startled by this. Maybe it's the caffeine but I'm a hardened veteran of creepypasta, screamer gifs and horror movies and this made my heart jump into my throat.

Okay it must be the caffeine or I wouldn't have written such a long comment just to say I got scared. Yep, caffeine. Um, thanks for reading, have a nice evening everyone. Get home safe, hit the gym, lawyer up, etc. etc. Good night and good luck. Check yourself before you wreck yourself. Signing off. Hasta la vista, baby.

[–]Vato_Loco 3 points4 points ago

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THEN WHO WAS CAMERA?

[–]Bobobanks 3 points4 points ago

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The god of rape has arrived.

[–]Therealsebastiandior 4 points5 points ago

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SEEK HIS WISDOM!

[–]mitvit 1 point2 points ago

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Just do what the ceiling tells you to, and don't make eye contact.

[–]Hercules42 1 point2 points ago

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Demons have to get places too. Don't hate.

[–]diodeforjustice 1 point2 points ago

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I don't get it. It's just a picture of four people on a subway. Three in front and a guy wearing a hooded sweatshirt in back. Could someone explain this to me?

[–]pcnerd37 1 point2 points ago

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If I saw this on a train, I would wait for the next train.

[–]imnewtothisguys 1 point2 points ago

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Shit happens on the CTA.

[–]spoonsnforks 1 point2 points ago

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I don't see anything in this picture except a black guy with headphones and Jack Sparrow to the right and a cat in the middle.

[–]terroroftijuana 1 point2 points ago

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That isn't even close to the most frightening thing I have seen on Chicago public transit.

[–]411eli 1 point2 points ago

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Good night internet.

I've had enough for today.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]xeltius 1 point2 points ago

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