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top 200 commentsshow all 232

[–]yammerant 193 points194 points ago

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My balls are now inside my body cavity for safety from turtles.

[–]dummystupid[S] 253 points254 points ago

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So they used the turtle defense against the turtle attack. Very clever. Very clever indeed.

[–]MelissaOfTroy 1 point2 points ago

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TESTUDO!

[–]Zoltar23 2 points3 points ago

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TETSUO!

[–]SkeletonArcher 2 points3 points ago

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KANEDAA!

[–]MightyJoeBong 2 points3 points ago

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Tuuurtley tuuurtle attack.

[–]Sir_FartAlot 1 point2 points ago

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I wonder how this would go on as a story you would tell over dinner? "that damn turtle was chewing on the dog's balls!"

[–]thatwasntveryraven -1 points0 points ago

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Fight fire with fire!

[–]zulu90 5 points6 points ago*

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i feel sorry for this man then. edit: nsfw

[–]ruairi98 10 points11 points ago

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HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK

CONTEXT

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points ago

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Buffaloooo soldiaaaaa.....

HEY GUYS ITS THE BEST THING I CAN NOW SMOKE POT FOR FREE

[–]dirtychicken 4 points5 points ago

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[–]ruairi98 1 point2 points ago

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I didn't know that would affect the scrotum..ds

[–]XA36 2 points3 points ago

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I also need to know what the fuck?

[–]osciminan 2 points3 points ago

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Swiiiiiiing looooooooowwww...

[–]Mage_tank 14 points15 points ago

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Nsfw please.

[–]sarcastic_smartass 2 points3 points ago

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Yes please. Some of us put our continued employment in the hands of random strangers properly labeling posts on the internet. If I had gotten fired for looking at that while in the workplace, it would not be my fault at all.

[–]Mage_tank 4 points5 points ago

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I'm not at work, just in a public place.

If it's not safe for work, it's probably not safe for cafes and the like either.

Edit: Just read your username. I stand by my statement, though.

[–]ghostfacedrilla 0 points1 point ago

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preach!!

[–]mablake184 -2 points-1 points ago

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Fo real real nah fo play play

[–]jollyrotten 5 points6 points ago

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relevant

NSFW

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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What a pain in the balls.

[–]NYZ93 2 points3 points ago

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He should Fap...alot...In a cold pool...alone

[–]TimbobJames 0 points1 point ago

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I ca n't stop watching...

[–]OverAllGENIUS 0 points1 point ago

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Well, bright side is that he has a chair with him at all times.

[–]lemur84 107 points108 points ago

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It could have been worse. It could have been one of those turtles that never let go of their prey.

Also, it could have been my testicles, though I like to think I'd have got my damn balls out of the way. That dog saw what was going to happen and took no preventative measures. 'Ooh turtle blowjoNOPENOPENOPENOPE'

[–]ozone63 39 points40 points ago

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lmao, "took no preventative measures"

[–]letsRACEturtles 18 points19 points ago

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damn dogs never using protection, bob barker was right

[–]Decyde 2 points3 points ago

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Yea, with those turtles you have to take a lighter and burn them under their neck and they eventually let go. Seen a video of this when a turtle snapped a guys finger. I was really surprised it didn't bite the whole thing off.

[–]goonerredandwhite 4 points5 points ago

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Reminds me of the gif where a naked asain woman is jacking off this guy and punching him in the balls as he came to make him cum harder.

[–]instapunish 1 point2 points ago

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[–]thatwasntveryraven 1 point2 points ago

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NOPE.

[–]goonerredandwhite 0 points1 point ago

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why are you doing this?

[–]instapunish -1 points0 points ago

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Shes hot. I'd probably let her hit me in the balls haha.

[–]goonerredandwhite 0 points1 point ago

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no way man, she just has that white slutty look.

[–]lemur84 -1 points0 points ago

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Those last five words have no place in any sentence, let alone one in my brain.

[–]bburgmtnbiker 0 points1 point ago

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Turtle blowjob. Yep.

[–]grantiepantie 51 points52 points ago

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This is why Shredder wore so much armor.

[–]Geotis 15 points16 points ago

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...and why Mario had a grudge.

[–]ThePieOfSauron 304 points305 points ago

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This isn't funny, this is painful

[–]thethrill 86 points87 points ago

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I mean, it is actually pretty funny.

[–]letsRACEturtles 24 points25 points ago

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ThePieOfSauron is actually just a dog behind a computer screen, he understands the pain better

[–]Mispelling 16 points17 points ago*

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On the Internet, nobody knows you're a dog.

Edit: Now with more Wikipedia goodness.

[–]MiddleNameS 8 points9 points ago

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YES THIS IS DOG

[–]StefanHectorPoseidon 13 points14 points ago

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ah, yes, i've heard this meme before, too.

[–]bifftastic 1 point2 points ago

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"Dogfort checking in"

[–]davepople 0 points1 point ago

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Anyone with testicles understands just fine

[–]ADogInDisguise 0 points1 point ago

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You silly, there are no dogs on the Internet, just us, human beings.

[–]Grammar-Hitler 1 point2 points ago

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[–]RankMotleyMindedScut 0 points1 point ago

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Not funny at all. I feel terrible for the dog.

[–]LettersFromTheSky 45 points46 points ago

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This kills the nut.

[–]stanfan114 24 points25 points ago

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I keep iguanas for pets, and was sitting on the floor in a bathrobe. I didn't notice by the ig had crawled under my leg and was about to sample my nuts. Good thing they lick before they bite.

[–]Mrs_Brisby 4 points5 points ago

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This is why I have a ball python. If its not tiny, furry, and crawling around, he wont try to eat it.

[–]FUCK_WIZARD 23 points24 points ago

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That sounds like the most likely animal in the world to try and take a bite of your nuts.

[–]Mrs_Brisby 15 points16 points ago

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If your nuts are tiny, furry, and crawling around, I suggest you schedule an appointment with a urologist.

[–]FUCK_WIZARD 18 points19 points ago

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Yeah but like...BALL python...

[–]chazmotic 1 point2 points ago

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Ooooooh! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Deep breath. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Seriously that was pretty good.

[–]xNotch 17 points18 points ago

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Two out of three.

Sadly, I shave. :/

[–]zeroes0 1 point2 points ago

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but everyone on reddit has huge 10 inch dicks and baseball sized balls of steel right? Right guys?...guys?

[–]nonsiccus -1 points0 points ago

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Time to test... for ahem.. science.

[–]Tuckerism -5 points-4 points ago

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Not his fault that you're so fresh he could suck yo nuts.

/souljaboy

[–]TheLanceHan 2 points3 points ago

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Why not both

[–]thatwasntveryraven 0 points1 point ago

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are you a dog

[–]DarnTheseSocks 0 points1 point ago

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x-post to r/painful

[–]fuzzycuffs -1 points0 points ago

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Take it from a guy with first hand turtle biting the balls experience.

[–]exteenaw 117 points118 points ago

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Oh snap.

[–]drewba 15 points16 points ago

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I'm shellshocked.

[–]sneg 24 points25 points ago

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Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oS8UXVsIiP4

Warning: painful to watch.

[–]SkepticJoker 1 point2 points ago

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Can someone else watch that and let me know if that situation was set up intentionally by a human or not? I really don't feel capable of clicking that. Any cat people in this thread?

[–]sneg 2 points3 points ago

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Well, people could have predicted such a scenario.

[–]Wogan121 1 point2 points ago

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Honestly I've been on reddit for many hours now and this little innocuous statement has sent me into hysterics for the first time today. Time to sleep.

[–]johnq-pubic -1 points0 points ago

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I started the video, but couldn't bear to watch it to the grisly end.

[–]FTFY_urwelcome 36 points37 points ago

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From the moment this began I yelled, "It's gonna for for balls, it's gonna go for balls, it's gonna go for balls, it's gonna go for balls, AHHHHHHH!"

[–]chryllis 71 points72 points ago

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Turtle still lost. Had to put his balls in his mouth

[–]grantiepantie 48 points49 points ago

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unless turtle is into that sort of thing?

[–]srd178 43 points44 points ago

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...not that there's anything wrong with that.

[–]super_dave_cares 10 points11 points ago

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...no of course not

[–]NoNeedForAName 29 points30 points ago

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"No homo."

chomp

[–]hubilation 16 points17 points ago

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haha that dog is so gay i put his penis in my mouth he's so gay

[–]GhostRequiem 3 points4 points ago

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Doesn't matter. Had oral sex.

[–]trenty -1 points0 points ago

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Except he didn't have oral sex.

[–]xebo 1 point2 points ago

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doesn't matter had sex

[–]doubleu 22 points23 points ago

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neuter your pet

[–]dadRabbit 28 points29 points ago

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That's what the turtle was trying to do.

[–]bburgmtnbiker 2 points3 points ago

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TIL that turtle is named Bob Barker

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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Why were you filming your dog eating your turtle?

[–]drewba 14 points15 points ago

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See you next month, gif!

[–]Thassodar 29 points30 points ago

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That dog...

Sunglasses...

Went a little nuts.

[–]KingofCraigland 17 points18 points ago

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That dog...

Sunglasses...

Lost his marbles.

[–]31stan -1 points0 points ago

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YEEAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[–]modex20 2 points3 points ago

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YEEAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[–]Conman93 -2 points-1 points ago

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Easiest way to get comment Karma, no effort required.

[–]fetusxfajita 10 points11 points ago

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You must suck at sewing...

Sunglasses...

Because you ruin a lot of threads.

[–]OreoDragon 2 points3 points ago

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[–]OverAllGENIUS 0 points1 point ago

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How did that happen?

[–]OreoDragon 0 points1 point ago

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Good timing!

[–]HeardsTheWord 2 points3 points ago

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No bueno.

[–]redundanthero 2 points3 points ago

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I got the balls-hurt-sickness feeling just watching that

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Wakasaki_Rocky 12 points13 points ago

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Help control the pet population, have your pets spayed or neutered.

[–]gegc 5 points6 points ago

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...with a turtle.

[–]livenfunky 23 points24 points ago

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I see now that this was not funny. I renounce my prior laughter, and I will do my best to find only the correct things funny in the future.

[–]Minerg -1 points0 points ago

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Let the kids play!

[–]Heatbeat 1 point2 points ago

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Scumbag turtle.

[–]Hufftey 1 point2 points ago

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This adds a whole new meaning to blue balls. More like Black and Blue balls.

[–]scumbagsebby 1 point2 points ago

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this happened to me, but with a snapping turtle while skinny dipping. do i ever feel the damn pain that dog is going through :(

[–]AyChihuahua 1 point2 points ago

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Snapping turtle? RIP your balls.

[–]fireinthesky7 1 point2 points ago

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"Haha, stupid slow turtle, you can never match my mighty OHGODMYBALLS!!!"

[–]Nicknam4 1 point2 points ago

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Until reading the comments I thought he licked his balls... ಠ_ಠ

[–]MrQuantum 1 point2 points ago

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Thanks, now my balls hurt.

[–]eddymurphyscouch 1 point2 points ago

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and I just saw a turtle bite a dog's nuts. I should probably stop browsing the internets for today.

[–]uJellie 2 points3 points ago

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[–]Crawlerado 1 point2 points ago

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REPOSTING wins the karma

FTFY

[–]VJamz 1 point2 points ago

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Pretty much.. I have this guy tagged as a reposter. Pretty much reposts anything seen on Reddit.

Then again, reposts are just the common thing on the Internet. What can ya do?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Yo DAWG! Protect your balls nigga!

[–]jay456 1 point2 points ago

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Poor doggy

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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OUCH! Biting dem ballzzz

[–]Bigalwiggles 0 points1 point ago

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Oh nuts.

[–]X701XSPOON 0 points1 point ago

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Or biting someone in the ballz

[–]siktirici 0 points1 point ago

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repost from yesterday, come on.

[–]Amytherocklobster 0 points1 point ago

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Ever seen a turtle so so dead?

[–]svengalus 0 points1 point ago

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Never let a turtle bite your balls.

[–]The_Bard 0 points1 point ago

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DIY dog spaying

[–]RedRing86 0 points1 point ago

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HOW CAN SHE SNAP?!

[–]wheatfields 0 points1 point ago

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So after the video cuts off the dog basically rips the turtles head off, right?

[–]coffee_obsession 0 points1 point ago

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Of all the things on the internet that I have seen, this is the one .gif I have to close immediately.

[–]TheBigMost 0 points1 point ago

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Look at my fuckiOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

[–]DonaldMcRonald 0 points1 point ago

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Ow, my balls!

[–]MaebiusKiyak 0 points1 point ago

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Fighting dirty wins the fight.

FTFY

[–]Ikimasen 0 points1 point ago

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And the dog's heart and mind followed.

[–]BrutalJones 0 points1 point ago

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NNNOOOOOOOOOOO

[–]Scooter_Mcdoogal 0 points1 point ago

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This is way too painful for me to bear.

[–]Dragday 0 points1 point ago

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I already saw this gif, I had to stop before I could feel the pain again.

[–]hamlet9000 0 points1 point ago

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I........am.........going........to.....bite.........your............................balls...................................................................NOMNOMNOMNOMNOM

[–]EvilTony 0 points1 point ago

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Mmmmmm.... grapes.

[–]swampy13 0 points1 point ago

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I knew Raphael was crude, but not that crude.

[–]Jealousy123 0 points1 point ago

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The second I saw those balls I knew this wasn't going to end well...

[–]highgravitycane 0 points1 point ago

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CRINGING.

[–]donies 0 points1 point ago

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slow and steady didn’t win the fight, biting him in the fucking balls won the fight

[–]trophymursky 0 points1 point ago

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dick move...

[–]underwms 0 points1 point ago

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i cringe and laugh every time i see this.

[–]LionoofThundara 0 points1 point ago

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New favorite gif. I fucking laughed.

[–]holocarst 0 points1 point ago

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As always, MLP sums it up best: They are like a tank

[–]BaSiiCzxX 0 points1 point ago

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I used to love turtles now my balls hide inside me at the site of one. another thing i have reddit to thank for.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I've watched this once, and will now cringe and immediately exit if I happen to stumble upon it...as I've just done.

[–]Koh513 0 points1 point ago

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Thus this is the beginnings of Gamera.

[–]olivaw456 0 points1 point ago

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those balls were just asking for it.

[–]Canopener23 0 points1 point ago

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Why...I...Outta...

[–]grabondall 0 points1 point ago

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Attack it's weak point for massive damage!

[–]secretL 0 points1 point ago

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The horror!

[–]Ksawyo 0 points1 point ago

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[–]hard_to_explain 0 points1 point ago

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It's funny because turtles love grapes.

[–]SoManySpiderWebs 0 points1 point ago

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Well the dog is hurt, the turtle has the taste of balls in it's mouth.

No real winner is there?

[–]stewie310 0 points1 point ago

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At least it wasn't a snapping turtle

[–]sgtpppr 0 points1 point ago

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Leave it to reddit to find an animated gif of a dog being bit on the nuts by a turtle. I mean that as a compliment.

[–]LymeyBastard 0 points1 point ago

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Who the hell filmed this?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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And that dog was being all cool and non bitey. asshole turtle

[–]Huko 0 points1 point ago

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This goes in WTF

[–]brewtang 0 points1 point ago

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I have never been more scared of a turtle

[–]Kaivana 0 points1 point ago

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Owwwmygoshh

[–]symbiotiq 0 points1 point ago

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Closed it in time. Will not watch the ending.

[–]medicrow 0 points1 point ago

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What an asshole turtle

[–]WhoFan 0 points1 point ago

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"no, No, NO, NOONONONONONOOOOAAAAAOOOOOOOWWWWWE! Man I feel bad for everyone involved!"

[–]drum1286 0 points1 point ago

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OMFG BAD TURTLE! CHEAP SHOT! I weep for that poor dog...

[–]AndThenThereWasMeep 0 points1 point ago

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GODDAMNIT. I thought you were abusing the NSFL tag. None of that was enjoyable

[–]SkeletonArcher 0 points1 point ago

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It doesn't even look like he's fighting. He just wanted a snack.

[–]Flatlus 0 points1 point ago

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ESCAAAAAPE!!!!

[–]legweed 0 points1 point ago

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GREAT, now my balls hurt

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]crossower -3 points-2 points ago

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Your point being? I've never seen this and I'm sure neither have many others.

[–]MarsTraveler 4 points5 points ago

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It was posted yesterday.

[–]Beeslo 1 point2 points ago

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Heh, it's been posted more than that. In fact, type "dog" and "turtle" in the search field and you'll see if pop up quite a few times...as late as last year even. And that's just with those two words, let alone the other ways it was described.

[–]ProfessorD2 0 points1 point ago

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Know what else makes me cringe?

Reposts.

[–]iwonamathdebate 2 points3 points ago

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Same here. I'm pretty sure this was on the front page only yesterday.

[–]Laundrymat 0 points1 point ago

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I'm glad I saw it at least.

[–]ozone63 0 points1 point ago

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He acquired his target and eased in there real slow too.......

[–]BruceBanning 0 points1 point ago

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Never let a snapper near your balls.

[–]Nibas 0 points1 point ago

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Tonight we're serving turtle soup.

[–]UnknownArchive 0 points1 point ago

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[–]Finn_daMan -1 points0 points ago

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The Lee family adopted Larry the dog, who has to be neutered. They have two options: 1.) Pay a vet a shit-load of money to remove his kiddies, or 2.) Arrange a play-date with Chumper, the neighbor's turtle.

They chose option 2. The Lee family thanked Chumper by placing the ballz in a jar, and placed it next to another jar, labelled "bunny BALLz - The great race".

[–]wafflestomp -1 points0 points ago

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Why are turtles such dicks? It makes me want to throw one at the wall after I masturbate.

[–]K-Uno -4 points-3 points ago

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Lol, as funny as this is that turtle would end up as soup if I ever saw this in person, my dog or not :)