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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]mightemacs 1189 points1190 points ago

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the entire internet was just a ruse to make later generations really embrace their serial numbers.

[–]buttaids 645 points646 points ago

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...Shit.

[–]ssesf 571 points572 points ago

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Don't worry. At least you got buttaids covered.

[–]pants428 138 points139 points ago

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I'm sure the race to get the username buttaids will be detailed by the folk-rolk troubadours of the future.

[–]mrcassette 113 points114 points ago

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behold the 'ballad of buttaids'...

[–][deleted] 205 points206 points ago

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Nah, kids of the future will use binary. Behold your son Buttaids! Little 01000010011101010111010001110100011000010110100101100100011100110000110100001010. The aunts be like aww what a cute name. For a GIRL!

[–]niggershits 221 points222 points ago

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^ this binary is legit.

[–]ProjectileShit 335 points336 points ago

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That's solid detective work Mr NiggerShits

[–]Razenghan 197 points198 points ago

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That's Inspector NiggerShits. Pip pip.

[–]basically 30 points31 points ago

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He didn't go to detective school for no reason!

[–]Urvilan 2 points3 points ago

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Go go niggershits?

[–]Chuckles6969 13 points14 points ago

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.. i am amazed that it actually matches up to spell buttaids.

[–]jaguass 15 points16 points ago

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I never thought I would google "spell buttaids in binary" one day. Thanks reddit.

[–]heyimpro 14 points15 points ago

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That will already be taken man..

42 75 74 74 61 69 64 73 0d 0a for the real cuties

[–]Pyromoose 17 points18 points ago

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up-vote for consistency.

[–]BattleHall 19 points20 points ago

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"Buttaids! The man they call Buttaids!..."

(maybe they'll put up a statue)

[–]Cseal 19 points20 points ago

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he stole from the rich and he shit on the poor ?

[–]georginasmith 17 points18 points ago

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Sat down on the man and he gave him what for

[–]Ram1r3z 2 points3 points ago

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He shit on the rich and stole from the poor.

[–]wishyouwerebeer 5 points6 points ago

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he was so brave

[–]Frankenstooge 14 points15 points ago

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It's actually kind of nice knowing only one person can get buttaids.

[–]ButtDoctor 17 points18 points ago

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You should have that looked at.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]greentext_advice 60 points61 points ago

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Your site sucks.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]AdamLynch 62 points63 points ago

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"Upgraded site more videos coming. " You left everyone hanging for 4 years.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]rmkbow 31 points32 points ago

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you just have to repost what you find on reddit and claim it as your own

like what a lot of people here do anyway.

[–]TROGDORRRR 16 points17 points ago

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i just registered

[–]PlusFiveStrength 24 points25 points ago

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Was TROGDORRR taken?

[–]Unfa 10 points11 points ago

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In 20 years, TROGDORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR will be taken too. Seize the opportunity when it arises I suppose.

[–]TROGDORRRRRRRRRRRRRR 73 points74 points ago

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Takes a lot less than 20 years

[–]sgt_shizzles 4 points5 points ago

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You know that registering that username requires you to make a Strongbad reference on EVERYTHING now, right?

[–]TROGDORRRR 15 points16 points ago

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trogdor, trogdorrr, and trogdorrr were taken, as well as trogdor_the_burninator

[–]You_got_it 35 points36 points ago

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Cut to 2041

Me telling my grandkids about picking usernames online:

Me: We used to pick names for ourselves online, sometimes the name was taken so we added a number, usually the year we were born.

Grandchild: What? You mean you didn't just scan in your bar code? How did the hivemind track you?

Me: [sighs deeply] *smothers grandchild with pillow

[–]yomeettintin 20 points21 points ago

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woah...

[–]adhl37 10 points11 points ago

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ugh.. future

[–]user2196 7 points8 points ago

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You have a problem with being user####? I like my number.

[–]Holden-Magroine 229 points230 points ago

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My child will inherite my screen name, and it shall be passed down the generations.

[–]ANAL_PLUNDERING 326 points327 points ago

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Same here.

[–]nursingstudent 78 points79 points ago

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What a special gift you are going to share with them...

[–]Pony_ 5 points6 points ago

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ಠ_ಠ

[–]wakinupdrunk 21 points22 points ago

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I can't wait until your children figure out that you once held a screen name online that was ANAL_PLUNDERING. If I ever found that out about my dad, shit would get weird real fast.

[–]Seanstar 35 points36 points ago*

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We shall have to create elaborate rituals in which we pass on our most sacred user-names, bringing them fully into adulthood as they carry on the mantle and abandon the alias of their childhood.

Of course that also means they will entire access to your posting past to learn upon.

Edit: Of course we also have a game of names aspect of the internet as well: "Today son...Today you shall learn my true name, and you shall gain all my power."

[–]freeballer 27 points28 points ago

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"Your mother was a karma whore!"

[–]Frankenstooge 5 points6 points ago

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Unless you have a daughter, then she is going to fuck you over by hyphenating it with another dude's name.

EDIT: WHOA, ALREADY HAPPENED

[–]Madame_Q 7 points8 points ago

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Holden-Magroine-ANAL_PLUNDERING?

for example. I think this could go places.

[–]leedorham 168 points169 points ago

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That's why I included special characters as part of both my children's names.

[–]ssnseawolf 134 points135 points ago

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I'm going to name my love child Hashpound, or ## for short.

[–]zomegaz 28 points29 points ago

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It can double as a legendary stoner name

[–]Red_means_go 37 points38 points ago

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Hashpound Hashpound Q. Ssnseawolf

[–]DontMeanIt 13 points14 points ago

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What is that?

EDIT: No, really. I mean it.

[–]garblesnarky 19 points20 points ago

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SSN = seawolf class submarines in the US navy

[–]ssnseawolf 20 points21 points ago

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This guy.

[–]IrishWilly 5 points6 points ago

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I'm gonna steal that name for every service I can register and then offer to sell it for you for a .. reasonable.. price in the future.

[–][deleted] 37 points38 points ago

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Somebody should write a book of SQL injection baby names.

[–]mavriksfan11 26 points27 points ago

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Little Bobby Tables...

[–]samyall 11 points12 points ago

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Relavent xkcd

[–]drgonzo175 231 points232 points ago

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benstillerfaggot69

[–]derefr 108 points109 points ago

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benstillerfaggot69@ClownPenis.fart

[–]Jealous_Hitler 44 points45 points ago

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If you guys don't get the joke, it's from Between Two Ferns, where Zach Galifianakis interviews Ben Stiller.

[–]omguard 16 points17 points ago

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[–]BonKerZ 2 points3 points ago

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The Ben Stiller one is my favorite. Hell, they're all amazing.

[–]norseman23 16 points17 points ago

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benstillerfaggot benstillerfaggot is unavailable

[–]hillgiant 69 points70 points ago

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We are approaching Peak Screen Name

[–]Tendow 103 points104 points ago

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Hopefully all the names with Xx...xX will be taken up soon and all the passwords will be forgotten.

[–]Replekia 148 points149 points ago

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Fun Fact: the password to all Xx...xX accounts is "password"

[–]xxjiizzoelxx 62 points63 points ago

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Lies... Mine is ***********

[–]ManiacMaji 179 points180 points ago

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Mine is hunter2

[–]IrishWilly 31 points32 points ago

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How'd you get Reddit to censor your password for you? When I type mine in here it still shows up

[–]skittlesnbugs 38 points39 points ago

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It only shows up in the preview, once you hit enter - it recognizes your password and auto protects you with asterisks.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]rowebenj 48 points49 points ago

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[–]the_password_is_1234 6 points7 points ago

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Cool. Let me try

1234

Did it work?

[–]Sheepie91 40 points41 points ago

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OP's just bitter after being beaten by 444 other Reddit-Josephs.

[–]mattindustries 8 points9 points ago

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I am still jealous of this guy. My domain is a while two characters longer thanks to him :-(

[–]feistyfish 39 points40 points ago

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the trick is choosing a name that's utterly moronic

[–]tashinorbo 19 points20 points ago

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i like a man who practices what he preaches.

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points ago

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That's the ticket.

[–][deleted] 447 points448 points ago*

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Your name is a word from a dictionary? Wow you must be old.

EDIT: jesus christ, this post is a quarter of my karma.

[–]starkrampf 84 points85 points ago

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and once that period is over, the old user names will become hip again, like clothes.

[–]tobiasx 18 points19 points ago

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Random factoid: In games like Diablo 2, dictionary words, especially short words or names are highly coveted and often sold for real money.

[–]23saround 3 points4 points ago

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Dude...I was playing cod (not sure which) and I saw a guy with username n00b. Not n00b6000, not n00bn00bn00b, just n00b. It was insane (and of course he was level/prestige a jillion

[–]Quotes_Jurassic_Park 68 points69 points ago

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Grant looked at all the computer monitors in the darkened control room, feeling irritable. Grant didn't like computers. He knew that this made him old-fashioned, dated as a researcher, but he didn't care. Some of the kids who worked for him had a real feeling for computers, an intuition. Grant never felt that. He found computers to be alien, mystifying machines. Even the fundamental distinction between an operating system and an application left him confused and disheartened, literally lost in a foreign geography he didn't begin to comprehend. But he noticed that Gennaro was perfectly comfortable, and Malcolm seemed to be in his element, making little sniffing sounds, like a bloodhound on a trail.

[–]tashinorbo 9 points10 points ago

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this username is how I imagine Michael Crichton spends his days

[–]Bulwer 10 points11 points ago

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He's dead, yo.

[–]Quotes_Jurassic_Park 26 points27 points ago

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"I hope he's dead," Lex said.

[–]hippoPWNamus 21 points22 points ago

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All that text and not one mention of a dinosaur... for shame!

[–]MakesYouReReadThings 118 points119 points ago

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Read the first letter of every other word.

[–]Azathoth624 56 points57 points ago

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oh you bastard.

[–]ChineseDeathBus 13 points14 points ago

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I have an AOL screen name that's my first initial, my middle initial and my last name. DIDN'T EVEN NEED TO ADD NUMBERS!!

[–]punkfej 49 points50 points ago

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I'm already there.

[–]CharlesFappington 67 points68 points ago

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I'm just glad my name was still available.

[–]quarktheduck 7 points8 points ago

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I have the same username on just about every website, because it's never taken. I love not having to have numbers and underscores.

[–]--Rosewater-- 19 points20 points ago

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The asshole in me wants to register your username on every semi-popular site you haven't.

[–]Naked_Lady 30 points31 points ago

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you look hungarian

[–]Roaning 22 points23 points ago

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let me cook you some turkey.

[–]Joseph445[S] 32 points33 points ago

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I think I have some leftover, let me Czech the fridge.

[–]montroller 29 points30 points ago

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I'll be Russian over for some of that.

[–]mdrabz 20 points21 points ago

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Can I get it Togo?

[–]MrMono1 27 points28 points ago

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I heard there was turkey, so Iran over as fast as I could.

[–]killbone 23 points24 points ago

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I have some but it is covered with Greece

[–]noodlez222 20 points21 points ago

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Well then you can bring the Chile

[–]Wild_Rager 22 points23 points ago

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bring out the good China.

[–]whatever_idc 166 points167 points ago*

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Name: aojudnawounfaiwodwma

That username is already taken, please enter a new username.

[–]Contero 61 points62 points ago

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Please enter another username:

"Whatever, I don't even care"

whatever_idc is available!

[–]whatever_idc 144 points145 points ago

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whatever was taken by this awesome redditor. He's been here for 5 years and still going strong!

[–]UnMirloBlanco 34 points35 points ago

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doesn't get any more whatever than that

[–]whatever 165 points166 points ago

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Oh my god I just guessed whatever's password

[–]whatever_idc 46 points47 points ago

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Holy shit!

[–]noconfidenceman 16 points17 points ago

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Share with us?

[–]whatever 54 points55 points ago

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It's the kind of thing an idiot would have on his luggage. Except slightly longer

[–]Pyromoose 17 points18 points ago

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1234567890?

[–]whatever 25 points26 points ago*

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Warm.

Edit: I don't have time for this game. 123456

[–]makeitstopmakeitstop 10 points11 points ago

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I give up. What's the current password?

[–]noconfidenceman 2 points3 points ago

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Doesn't work.

[–]blackjeezus 2 points3 points ago

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That's amazing! I have the same combination on my luggage!

[–]arec 4 points5 points ago

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[–]Beerblebrox 7 points8 points ago

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Every now and then, I click on a bunch of different user names and try out passwords like "password" and "12345".

I don't know why I do it, but you have given me hope that one day it will work.

[–]mr_derp 4 points5 points ago

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I did the same thing with this account. The password was 'derp'. derp.

[–]Gh0stRAT 4 points5 points ago

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You should give it to poor whatever_idc

[–]OMGwronghole 9 points10 points ago

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Wow, I totally expected your account to be an hour old....Redditor for 11 months. I laughed at the post but now: ಠ_ಠ

[–][deleted] 40 points41 points ago

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Suggestions: aojudnawounfaiwodwma25726737, aojudnawounfaiwodwma32783247, aojudnawounfaiwodwma3626723

[–]OsterGuard 9 points10 points ago

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Name: aojudnawounfaiwodwma25726737
that username is already taken

[–]aojudnawounfaiwodwma 322 points323 points ago

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jealous?

[–]maest 278 points279 points ago

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redditor for 57 minutes

Not very impressive.

[–]Thasc 359 points360 points ago

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You're jealous.

[–]evan_ktbd 83 points84 points ago

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His time will come again. And when it does, it will be glorious!

[–]Youreahugeidiot 47 points48 points ago

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if he remembers his password.

[–]iLama 34 points35 points ago

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It's '1234'

[–]iamluke 24 points25 points ago

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Why did I try that..

[–]nowhere_ 18 points19 points ago

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because it's obviously hunter2

[–]muad_dib 13 points14 points ago

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Why do you keep typing asterisks?

[–]SirKeyboardCommando 10 points11 points ago

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Obviously what? All I see is *******

[–]kookman 10 points11 points ago

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wow i have the same combination on my luggage!

[–]Lolazaurus 10 points11 points ago

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or even his username

[–]oldnewport55 70 points71 points ago*

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I think they're going to do an internet wide wipe where they just restart everything. like the matrix

[–]Joseph445[S] 104 points105 points ago*

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Noooooo I'll lose all my karma! EDIT: Grammar error.

[–]oldnewport55 16 points17 points ago

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Not anytime soon, like in a century or so when everyone will either be forced to have their real name as their username or the only usernames available will be like 24546XXY9

[–]24546XXY9 68 points69 points ago

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You called? (yes, I did just create this account, but it's mine and I plan to keep it)

[–]oldnewport55 30 points31 points ago

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You....you made an account just from my comment? So.....Proud.

[–]adledog 11 points12 points ago

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that's actually a pretty awesome username...

[–]LucasCrowe 5 points6 points ago

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I'm way ahead of the game.

[–]MatthewLevi 3 points4 points ago

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You and me.

[–]JonBradbury 2 points3 points ago

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Some sites will have user names expire and you can register them. I made a Yahoo email account for something. As soon as I signed on I got an IM from some guy saying he hadn't seen me online in years. I signed in a couple days later the account had about 80 spam emails for a bunch of car shit: expo registrations, bulk brake pads, stereos, etc.

[–]starkrampf 13 points14 points ago

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My new username will be "Book". Future username hipsters will kill for that.

[–]Frankstg 5 points6 points ago*

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Sorry, but it is "they're". Thanks for your time.

Edit: :)

[–]hobofats 16 points17 points ago

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Can anyone else foresee a potential market for "original" screen names?

[–]Lukerules 11 points12 points ago

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screen name squatting?

[–]LexiKitten 16 points17 points ago

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I can't wait until I can start leaving my usernames in my will

[–]Griffith 38 points39 points ago

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If in 20 years time, we are still worrying about Screen Names, every single web engineer and designer on this planet has failed miserably.

[–]codereign 8 points9 points ago

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Rfid in the hand. Just like my dad always warned me of.

[–]ninjaDOLEMITE 368 points369 points ago

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now black people's made up names finally have a purpose. :D

[–]Velcrocore 140 points141 points ago

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I feel awful for laughing at that.

[–]Volvaux 117 points118 points ago

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Name: Bonaquisha

That username is already taken, please enter a new username.

Name: Shah Nay Nay

That username is already taken, please enter a new username.

Name: MOTHAFUCKGIMMEAINTERNETSDISCOMPUTARACIST

MOTHAFUCKGIMMEAINTERNETSDISCOMPUTARACIST is available!

[–][deleted] 99 points100 points ago

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Try Watermelondria.

[–]InfinitePower 42 points43 points ago

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Oh wow, /r/ShitRedditSays is going to have a fucking field day with this thread.

Seriously, worst subreddit of all time.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]TheOverdose 42 points43 points ago

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Isn't r/circlejerk already the unfunny r/circlejerk?

[–]cokeeyay 37 points38 points ago

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Slow down bub it sounds like you're ready for the big leagues, head over to /r/metacirclejerk for that kind of outside-the-box thinking.

[–]lessonplan 8 points9 points ago

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No, reddit.com is the unfunny r/circlejerk.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]OsterGuard 8 points9 points ago

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Three years, and NOTHING posted.

[–]Bypass814 11 points12 points ago

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Buy shaniqua a month of reddit gold

Why was this funny to me?

[–]GroceryBagHead 9 points10 points ago

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Adjective Adjective Noun

[–]NowISeeTheFunnySide 2 points3 points ago

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SomeSemiObscurePhrase

[–]Terr_ 27 points28 points ago*

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I see I'm not the only one pissed off with Electronic Arts' (among others) "one account to rule them all" philosophy.

IMO the problem is easily solved in at least two ways:

  1. Decouple the parts, separate names from identity. Example, Steam: IDs are all assigned and numeric, but you have free choice over your "Visible Name", and if anyone is really interested they can always find your "real" ID. (There's also a name you use for logging in, but since it is private there's no reason to worry too much about what it is.)
  2. Use a hierarchical system. Example: E-mail addresses, which in turn build upon the DNS hierarchy.

[–]Boko_ 2 points3 points ago

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Almost any popular website already use email login instead of screen names though the problem still stands with screen names having to be unique, it'd be better to just differentiate through the use of unique id's.

[–]icrackcorn 16 points17 points ago

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Over the years, I've switched from AOL, to Hotmail, to Gmail. Also from Digg (sorry) to Reddit. Eventually, somebody will likely start a company that will make me abandon gmail, reddit, facebook, etc and leave me scrambling to get an old, familiar username on the new king of the internet. But in 20-30 years from now, somebody younger and more hip will probably beat me to it.

[–]lionheartednyhc 24 points25 points ago

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Jimmy?

[–]rawlingstones 8 points9 points ago

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I like to hope that we'll all be numbers by then.

[–]kadaan 11 points12 points ago

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ICQ IS THAT YOU?!?

[–]kidinschool 15 points16 points ago

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I feel like thats already starting to happen

[–]echeese 21 points22 points ago

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[–]Zoccihedron 6 points7 points ago

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My usual name will probably never be taken. I am the 1%.

Edit: Zoccihedron is not my usual name.

[–]Parthenonn 6 points7 points ago

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I'm willing to stock up on screen names to pass down. Inheritance.

[–]p0x0rz 4 points5 points ago

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This is already hard enough. You have to add all kinds of stupid bullshit to a word you want on XBox Live.

[–]alreadyobsolete 5 points6 points ago

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When I finally got my Xbox, three weeks later they came out with the new model. So I made my account "AlreadyObsolete"

The rest is history

[–]Kryogenic 6 points7 points ago

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The next generation will create new words/slang which than will be converted to a screen name.

[–]Rossco1337 9 points10 points ago

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l33tspeak will make a comeback! I'm sure of it!

[–]Skelables 5 points6 points ago

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Yeah, like 2352##$@##@&$23254363534524534673475.5

[–]ciscobinc27 4 points5 points ago

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imagine the kind of band names

[–]markdube 4 points5 points ago

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There's always clownpenis.fart

[–]bobertian 7 points8 points ago

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i grab my real name on every single new social site / email service / whatever, as soon as it's announced. Just in case...

Recently just regained control of my personal domain after letting it lapse a couple of years ago.

[–]kadaan 3 points4 points ago

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I do that as well, and it drives me insane whenever I find that 1% of sites that someone already used my name to register :(.

[–]Gh0stRAT 4 points5 points ago

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Congratulations! That has to be incredibly satisfying. I have a recurring calendar event reminding me to check the registration on a couple domains, but no luck so far.

Unfortunately, the guy who snagged Gh0stRAT.com went all-out and registered it for 5 years. :( Hopefully he doesn't renew in ~3.5 years.

[–]moorechez67 2 points3 points ago*

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This makes me wonder if there is (or if there will be) a push to reclaim unused handles for IM and e-mail

edit - typo

[–]Zmayne 4 points5 points ago

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You have to pass on your screen names to your children...DUH!

[–]Stitchuation 9 points10 points ago

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Just combine something you hate with something you love.

And I fucking love Lilo & Stitch.

[–]UltraJake 10 points11 points ago

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[–]Fookimoose 5 points6 points ago

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Girl you know it's girl you know it's girl you know it's...

[–]pearcewg 2 points3 points ago

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Great. Another thing for me to worry about.

[–]highintensitycanada 2 points3 points ago

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Since I have two accounts can I sell one?

[–]chris-martin 2 points3 points ago

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That guy certainly looks like he was drawn by Nicholas Gurewitch.

[–]NonVibrating 2 points3 points ago

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False. New programs means a clean slate for screen names. If such a program lasted 20-30 years, then sure, they are obviously going to have a hard time.

But I hear conebone69 is still free though

[–]princeof1kfaces 2 points3 points ago

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I'm sure usernames will expire and at some point in the internet there will be a great and massive electronic purge and all of internet creation will have to restart again.

[–]neurorootkit 2 points3 points ago

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Not true, name a social media technology of importance that lasted 10 years. Stagnation or fucking things up is the nature of internet companies. In 10 years, reddit will be the livejournal and myspace of the web.

[–]sdflkgjdshfgkj 2 points3 points ago

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I come from the future.

[–]JustAnEwok 2 points3 points ago

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I see you're already working on that, Joseph.

[–]lbsspro 2 points3 points ago

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there won't be usernames by then