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all 61 comments

[–]FirstNewGuyReturns 52 points53 points ago*

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When my little sister swallowed a penny we wondered if it would affect a great change in her. Though that doesn't make much cents.

[–]leo1cw 20 points21 points ago

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The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza shop

The server asks what he would like, and he responds, "Make me one with everything."

After receiving his pizza, the Dalai Lama hands the server a 20 dollar bill. Since the pizza costs 12 dollars, he politely asks for change. The server responds, "Change must come from within."

And then the server crashes.

[–]Mr_A 5 points6 points ago

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I had a silicone chip on my shoulder. It was assaulted.

But seriously, would you like to see how the Dalai Lama responds to the "One with everything" joke?

[–]WhiteGravy 4 points5 points ago

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That's the funniest thing I've seen in ages. Thank you, kind Sir or Madam.

[–]ToucheCostMart -1 points0 points ago

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Dime not impressed with your silly puns.

[–]FirstNewGuyReturns -1 points0 points ago

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What puns? I challenge you to a duel with no Quarter!

[–]painkillerzman -1 points0 points ago

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Euro-ver doing it.

[–]AtTheLeftThere 1 point2 points ago

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Susan B. Anthony one dollar coin. M I DOIN IT RITE?

[–]DeusVorpal 0 points1 point ago

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Looks like I got here just in the Nickel of time!

[–]FirstNewGuyReturns -3 points-2 points ago

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No, you're not at all punny, get out of my sight!

[–]IndigenousOres 1 point2 points ago

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No, you're not at all penny, get out of my sight!

FTFY :)

[–]FirstNewGuyReturns 0 points1 point ago

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(P)unny & (F)unny vs. (Pe)nny & (Fu)nny...you broke it! D_:

[–]FirstNewGuyReturns 0 points1 point ago

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My last post just rhymes with the one right before it! Please take no offense at my tone, just ignore it!

[–]FirstNewGuyReturns -1 points0 points ago

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Yen-k you very much.

[–]irawwwr -1 points0 points ago*

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Yuan more puns?

[–]danno_O 0 points1 point ago

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I have Won for you.

[–]HugeAssNegro -1 points0 points ago

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My son swallowed a watch. There wasn't much time left, but when he lost all control in his left side, he was all right again.

[–]PointlessCommenter -4 points-3 points ago

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hahahahahahahahahahaha upvotes for you, sir

[–]SamuraiRat -1 points0 points ago

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I wish my dad knew how to use a mouse....

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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I wish my dad lived with me.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I miss my dad, sigh. That is unfortunate.

[–]hg38 0 points1 point ago

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My mom is dad

[–]Deergoose 8 points9 points ago

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I wonder what she feels about having a tooth incisor

[–]DrDebG -2 points-1 points ago

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Too much of a stretch...

[–]Deergoose 1 point2 points ago

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I thought so myself, I'm glad at least someone saw it. I wanted to get in on one of the pun threads, and I feel a sense of accomplishment.

Deal with it.

[–]TheFluxIsThis 6 points7 points ago

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I wish my dad was this awesome on the internet.

[–]ipear 0 points1 point ago

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My dad doesn't use his facebook much. What he does do instead is bashing annoying people on yahoo groups he's subscribed to. When I read a particularly annoying email from a group we're both subbed to, sometimes I'll see an extremely well-worded, well researched rebuttal. I'll look to see who wrote it: my dad. :D

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points ago

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clever

[–]fuzzb0y 7 points8 points ago

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Is it just me or is this weird, 478 upvotes (with 750 upvotes and 272 downvotes ~at least 1000 people, I know reddit has some weird algorithm that prevents posts from having huge amounts of upvotes) and only 7 comments (including mine)?

[–]DarKnightofCydonia 5 points6 points ago

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Reddit has a "padding" system which inflates the number of upvotes and downvotes to prevent spammers upvoting stuff to the front page. The percentage changes but the upvote minus downvote count does not.

[–]b4b 0 points1 point ago

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Bots mostly, they vote in order to become pseudolegit.

[–]thatbrazilian 2 points3 points ago

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Can't beat swallowing a denture and when you go to the emergency room the doctor seeing your ass smiling.

[–]TheRealBuzzLightyear 1 point2 points ago

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I just tried to click the like button.

I am ashamed.

[–]cornponious 1 point2 points ago

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I'm just glad there are no puns in these comments because, frankly, they're getting a little long in the tooth.

[–]Pyro627 0 points1 point ago

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But... Then the girl doesn't get her tooth fairy money!

[–]W_ChurchillsSkeleton 1 point2 points ago

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She probably shit if she pooped out a quater....

[–]lord_nougat -1 points0 points ago

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she can see what the poop fairy leaves her if she puts a turd under her pillow.

[–]aMANescape 0 points1 point ago

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What's so funny abou.... oh wait...

[–]BoJangles00 0 points1 point ago

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I inhaled a tooth when I was younger, rushed to the ER and had to get a bronchoscopy :(

[–]KidxBuu 0 points1 point ago

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I see what he did there.

[–]ZeeHanzenShwanz 0 points1 point ago

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will someone please put a troll dad face over the blur

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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[–]Lono37[S] 1 point2 points ago

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Hey, I resemble that remark!

[–]Lono37[S] 0 points1 point ago

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A cringe-worthy detail to add - she was eating a pretzel in the mall at the time and thought the tooth was a big piece of salt; she crunched it and swallowed. Yuck.

[–]cuntmuffn 0 points1 point ago

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I swallowed my first tooth while eating an apple. I made my grandma write a letter to the tooth fairy explaining how sorry I was...

[–]Ravisher 0 points1 point ago

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or, perhaps, his ass!

[–]34Heartstach 0 points1 point ago

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Still trying to get some of her head out of her ass :/

[–]ThereWillBeHugs 0 points1 point ago

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Hey-oooo!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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[FB]

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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So he'd rather let it eat her up inside?

[–]Yourmyfavoritedeputy 0 points1 point ago

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Doesn't hurt coming out, I did this...and recovered My tooth...

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I actually laughed. First time in a while Thank you.

[–]DelayingAdulthood 0 points1 point ago

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i swallowed a tooth once when i was little... at first i thought the chicken mcnugget was just a little crunchy.. i was mortified when i realized.

[–]bigpapi1337 0 points1 point ago

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clever dad*

[–]Joke_Getter 0 points1 point ago

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Reddit: all the goddamned jokes our parents tell.

[–]The_Doctor_00 -2 points-1 points ago*

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Peter... Griffin?

Edit: it just sounds like something he'd say.

[–]Metyx -1 points0 points ago

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You know reddit has taken over the world when a person's first instinct when they "like" a post is no longer clicking "like."

[–]iacuras 0 points1 point ago

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I see what you did there...

[–]OvaryActingFemale 0 points1 point ago

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I'm ENAMELED by this post.

[–]pseudo721 1 point2 points ago

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I'll bet, in the end, she'll have to fight tooth-and-nail to pass it.

[–]KevinFerguson -1 points0 points ago

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This guys seems like a Richard.