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all 82 comments

[–]Bazil4385 95 points96 points ago

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I can't believe it took reddit this long to post this.

[–]ThatRandomNiceGuy 23 points24 points ago

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I don't believe my eyes! Reddit forgetting a Louis C.K. quote? I didn't think I would ever see the day...

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points ago

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[insert Mitch Hedberg joke]

[–]rkalola 11 points12 points ago

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escalator temporarily stairs

[–]MouthBreather 10 points11 points ago

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I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.

[–]CoKu 9 points10 points ago

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Canadian redditors probably haven't posted this quote because we hear it everyday on our Comedy Network.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]ThisNameIsOriginal 3 points4 points ago

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wut

[–]Red_means_go 3 points4 points ago

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Disney sure is working hard on promoting that new Muppets movie

[–]nehalvpatel 2 points3 points ago

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What the fuck happened here?! D:

[–]Red_means_go 0 points1 point ago

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The original post was something like, "this is how my ass feels like" with a pic of a kermit goatse. Classy.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]notcaptainkirk -2 points-1 points ago

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Yeah, it's taken like 3 months for this to be posted for the thousandth time. That's WAAAAAY too long.

[–]cuntagious 8 points9 points ago

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Every shit is an emergency

[–]mack2028 16 points17 points ago

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so... the meal is over immediately?

[–]mattindustries 0 points1 point ago

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Damn, I read the line as "the meal is over when I stop hating myself". I liked it better that way.

[–]stevenmc -2 points-1 points ago

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Catholic guilt?

[–]Lord_Rimbleton 7 points8 points ago

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So my sixth beer before dinner is served and I realised I've wasted my life?

[–]Vindexus 8 points9 points ago

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Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Cr8jo7asf0

The lines from the image are at 1:25

[–]lews001 2 points3 points ago

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Expected to just watch that little part. Nope! Whole thing.

[–]dietotaku 5 points6 points ago

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i like jim gaffigan's take on it - "thanksgiving, it's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. the tradition is we overeat! "hey, how about at thanksgiving we just eat a lot?" ...we do that every day! "ohhh. what if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?"

[–]thinkslikearock 7 points8 points ago

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this is what we like to call "eating to failure." you eat so much that it renders you useless to the world and you feel terrible.

[–]Easy111 -2 points-1 points ago

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you eat so much that it renders you useless to the world

I guess that means Redditors don't need to eat?

[–]hardcore_softie 3 points4 points ago

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I'm just shittin' and eatin' all day. I fill myself to capacity and then blow it out my asshole.

[–]Sudz705 19 points20 points ago

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[–]Provenzer0 2 points3 points ago

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Used that line today.

[–]HolyHolyHolyHoly 2 points3 points ago

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I feel like shit right now. I ate about two platefuls of turkey and ham, two rolls, some mashed potatoes, three cans of soda, three beers, four glasses of wine, and three slices of pumpkin pie (with whipped cream). I now have diarrhea. That is all.

[–]cynthiadangus 3 points4 points ago

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That's where amateurs stop.

[–]HolyHolyHolyHoly 0 points1 point ago

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Damn scumbag stomach.

[–]cynthiadangus 0 points1 point ago

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All lulz aside, I had the same experience. Same food intake, augmented with diarrhea and a two hour nap. Then I got up, had two beers and two lowballs of rum (so far) and ate more mashed potatoes, ham, ramen salad, and enough gravy to push me over the legal Blood Gravy Content limit. I basically fasted the past few days, and I'll be god damned if I let that go to waste.

[–]KevinFerguson 6 points7 points ago

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I stop eating when the shit starts coming.

[–]uneekfreek 11 points12 points ago

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Eat on toilet. Problem solved.

[–]Birdie_Num_Num 6 points7 points ago

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Yeah, shit tastes terrible

[–]thereisaproblem 2 points3 points ago

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And resume once there's room.

[–]cynthiadangus 0 points1 point ago

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I knew it was the right time to go evacuate my bowels when a conversation about "that inappropriate song when poor Michele Bachmann came out on what's-his-name's show" started.

[–]whatupnig 1 point2 points ago

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I love this special from him "Chewed Up", just watched it today. The Cinnabon part had my rolling

[–]cynthiadangus 0 points1 point ago

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The Cinnabon part had my rolling ...

Yes? YES? Your rolling what?

[–]cynthiadangus 2 points3 points ago

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I estimated the total calories of my dinner to be around ~2,400 units of self-loathing. I'm just glad we left the pan of green bean casserole my mom made behind at my grandpa's house. Otherwise I would sitting in a corner, wrapped up in a blanket, shoveling spoonful after spoonful into my craw while crying.

[–]t_snily 1 point2 points ago

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I will always upvote Louis C.K.

[–]FourteenHatch -1 points0 points ago

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Is that..

is that Louis CK with CAPTION TEXT??!?!?

Holy shit, everyone, that's some original content right there. Thanks for posting it!

[–]inedidible 0 points1 point ago

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Is that a fathuahua? My dad has one just like it. Exactly like it.. thought it was unique.

[–]plasticTron 1 point2 points ago

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huh?

[–]inedidible 1 point2 points ago

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An obese chihuahua.

[–]83kk4h 0 points1 point ago

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i believe most are that way

[–]bvanman 0 points1 point ago

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Completely accurate. For one meal a year, I just can't help but keep eating way past the point of being full.

[–]douglasr007 0 points1 point ago

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I hated myself before even eating...

[–]prboi 0 points1 point ago

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I'm pretty sure I heard this from someone else as well.

[–]CuntyMcshitballs 0 points1 point ago

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Anyone want to buy a pencil? Only a million bucks to you.

[–]sputnikv 0 points1 point ago

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i spent my thanksgiving alone and had two cups of mac and cheese.. T_T

[–]cynthiadangus 0 points1 point ago

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This mac and cheese.... is that a black thing?

/Pat Robertson

[–]njbartocci 0 points1 point ago

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4u2ZsoYWwJA#t=07m37s

The best joke in this stand up IMO

[–]arie222 0 points1 point ago

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Full is around the time I start the second plate.

[–]The_Legend_of_Herp 0 points1 point ago

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I said this joke at the diner table and we had lulz, true story.

[–]Zynk_ 0 points1 point ago

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I could only handle one plate this Thanksgiving...What's wrong with me? :(

[–]psiphre 0 points1 point ago

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real laughter came out of my face. thanks.

[–]molkhal 0 points1 point ago

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2 sums up!

[–]Im80u16_Imhardusoft 0 points1 point ago

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I hate myself all year pussies

[–]Amhuffaker 0 points1 point ago

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This post is so true, I didn't stop eating till I nearly burst form so much food haha

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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And if I already hate myself before starting to eat?

[–]jvielma 0 points1 point ago

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Hahahah, I just watched this last night on NetFlix with my fiance because of this exact scene/joke. It just seemed very appropriate for how we were both feeling after spending the day at her Mom's, where there was literally three of everything on the giant table we all ate at!

[–]Reign_of_Kronos 0 points1 point ago

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What the fuck reddit? This is not funny!!!

[–]FakeLaughter 0 points1 point ago

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I used to eat too much on Thanksgiving. I still do, but I used to to. ~Mitch Hedberg (obviously)

[–]Draegur 0 points1 point ago

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Chill ^_^ It's only one day.

[–]Phoequinox 0 points1 point ago

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I want to make a post with the same title as this, but with the bit about him making his dog lick peanut butter off his balls, instead.

[–]chickenhead101 -1 points0 points ago

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Pretty much sums up every day for me. How I stay 65 KG is beyond me.

[–]Birdie_Num_Num 9 points10 points ago

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Yes but then again you're only 3 years old

[–]funkbitch 2 points3 points ago

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Judging from your use of the metric system, I'm assuming you're not American. If not, I find it funny you might not know what your username means.

[–]kittyroux 1 point2 points ago

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Oh man, now I really need to know what his/her username means. /not American

[–]funkbitch 0 points1 point ago

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A 'chickenhead' is a woman who particularly enjoys and partakes frequently in the act of performing fellatio. One may say her head bounces quite a bit, thus giving her a chicken's head.

I'm assuming OP knows what it means, as chicken head 101 (Introduction to Chicken Heads) would be too random to just make up. Who knows.

[–]chickenhead101 0 points1 point ago

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Ignorance really is bliss; that was a bit of knowledge I could have down without, funkbitch. Cheers, haha.

PS: Kangaroo-rider here. Oh, and 143 pounds, rather.

[–]funkbitch 1 point2 points ago

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So you really didn't know?! Oh, that's hilarious. If it makes it any better, the term is almost solely used in the ghettos.

[–]PandaGoggles 0 points1 point ago

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...and I hate myself SO MUCH right now

[–]etherealchains 0 points1 point ago

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Puke and rally!!!! .....Hmm not quite the same as when you're drinking. (awaits the downvotes)

[–]misspolkadot -1 points0 points ago

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I actually kind of dread Thanksgiving in some respect for that reason. We are expected to be gluttonous. And it's just unhealthy and uncomfortable.

[–]Lyeta 3 points4 points ago

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I feel that if I ate turkey and stuffing and the like throughout the year, I wouldn't be so pissed off at myself at the end of thanksgiving dinner.

But instead it's like "OMG GOD, STUFFING?!!! Turkey?! Cranberry sauce?! AND PIE!!! Where have you been all my life? I must hoard you because I may never eat you again. om nom nom nom"

[–]ian937262 -1 points0 points ago

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Yeah cause it's impossible to eat sensibly with your own willpower. Combine this with moderate exercise for an enjoyable evening.

[–]AuntieSocial 1 point2 points ago

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MUST HAVE ALL THE PIE!!!

[–]fraggelsmurf -2 points-1 points ago

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Yes, or you could just stop eating like a sane person.

[–]jumpingbeandip -3 points-2 points ago

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gingers don't have souls!