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all 66 comments

[–]the_penultimate_user 68 points69 points ago

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Tickle his prostate with an egg beater? WTF

[–]whatupnig 11 points12 points ago

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I gotta be honest, I'm intrigued by the egg beater...

[–]alaniva 11 points12 points ago

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I gotta be honest, I laughed really hard while drinking beer...the result was...foamy.

[–]whatupnig 5 points6 points ago

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Did it go up your nose? That's the fucking worst! Except Pepsi, now THAT shit burns

Edit: I'm drinking Blue Moon Harvest Pumpkin Ale... YUM

[–]papasconqueso 5 points6 points ago

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Remember SURGE? That shit was atomic coming out the nasal passage. Had a nosebleed shortly after.

[–]Isaac_Shepard 2 points3 points ago

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i want fuckin pumpkin ale! where is that? GIMME NOW!

[–]crash_over-ride 3 points4 points ago

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egg violence is a real concern

[–]Ashlynkat 4 points5 points ago

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That's ridiculous! Both Martha Stewart and Alton Brown have said that the best prostate tickling utensil in your kitchen drawer is the silicone scrapping spatula.

[–]chancegold 1 point2 points ago

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Opened the comments to say just this... Seriously, WTF?

[–]lollerkeet 20 points21 points ago

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[–]Megustatits 14 points15 points ago

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As a woman I am NOT offended...true as shit...I never read this garbage

[–]WestcoastHitman 21 points22 points ago

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lol "I had to pay for my drink, one woman's horror"

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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I laughed too hard at that

[–]Jukepot 22 points23 points ago

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And as a woman, I can tell you that any one of us who buys into this crap is doomed to low self-esteem for all eternity.

[–]Artificialx 6 points7 points ago

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Those and romantic comedies have ruined relationships.

[–]blarwrghl_inc 5 points6 points ago

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There was an interesting post-hoc study done some while back:

The introduction of women's magazines into a country (which had none previously) had a strong correlation with bulimia and anorexia some months later.

[–]starsky51 1 point2 points ago

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Is that from personal experience?

[–]mrsroark 8 points9 points ago

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OMG read this article from college humor making fun of Cosmo.

One issue really did say to put some pepper under his nose right as he's about to climax because sneezing during climax will feel good.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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On Jezebel, they keep referring to something called 'The Scrunchy Trick' - a sexytime thing which has been recycled by Cosmopolitan a ridiculous amount of times. You can tell how old it is simply by the fact that no-one wears scrunchies these days!

Anyway, the original trick was to use the scrunchie around the base of his cock/around his nuts. The new improved version is to get 7 scrunchies, stick them all on his shaft and seductively remove them!

I suspect that if I did this to my boyfriend he'd think I was weird (and we're into some pretty kinky stuff!)

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I told the boyfriend about this and he roared with laughter. I have a Cosmo sex tips book which is chock-full of hilarity.

If you want a good sex tip, tea blow jobs (tea not too hot) are a fucking winner. Mouth full of tea, work that pole. Mind you, we are English and tea is an integral part of everything...

[–]HighDanger 5 points6 points ago

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The sexiest sex to sex after sex

I'm borrowing this.

[–]Biosfear 0 points1 point ago

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sounds like something this man would say!

[–]frenzaled 17 points18 points ago

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I started reading all the captions, but soon realised my time would be better spent just staring at Christina Hendricks

[–]outfoxedagain 13 points14 points ago

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It took me far too long to notice this was a spoof.

[–]crackalack 3 points4 points ago

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And we all know why.

[–]Unckmania 4 points5 points ago

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Both of the reasons.

[–]let_them_burn 4 points5 points ago

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weird, because I just had a dream about this woman, I've never heard of her before except for the first time I saw this post. Get your sorcery out of my head! ...or on second thought you can leave it there for just a little while longer.

[–]thisusernameislame 4 points5 points ago

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You had a dream about a woman with extremely large breasts? That is unheard of...

[–]phalties 4 points5 points ago

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i may just be tired.... but i legitimately didn't realize this was a parody magazine until i got to the "the sexiest sex to sex after sex" line...

[–]pumpalumpagain 11 points12 points ago

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Not all of them...check this one out.

[–]criticalsection 6 points7 points ago

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How dare you bring serious discussion into this. I am offensitated.

[–]elementalrain 2 points3 points ago

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Thanks for that, I've always looked up to Hilda Solis and it's nice to see her on the cover.

[–]Ramennov 2 points3 points ago

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Lose 30lbs Fast Chop off Your Leg!

[–]KingTalkieTiki 1 point2 points ago

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Reminds me of that Dormitron ad from GTA 3.

[–]womanisadangercat 2 points3 points ago

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That picture would never be on the cover. She still has normal human features like armpit creases and lines around her eyes.

[–]typingfromwork 4 points5 points ago

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I never realised but women are just as obsessed with sex as men.

[–]richisonfire 5 points6 points ago

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I can't fap to her anymore, every time I see her cleavage I think of Bruce Willis.

[–]money_buys_a_jetski 2 points3 points ago

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Why'd you have to say that!? I have to hide everything you do now so you never have the chance to ruin this for me, sorry man.

[–]JimTokle 0 points1 point ago

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What's the problem with that? That would just make me finish faster.

[–]neketa1 4 points5 points ago

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It's funny, because it's true!

[–]buhzie2 0 points1 point ago

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[–]MrWhite_is_TheJoker 1 point2 points ago

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I cannot begin to fathom how painful shoving an egg beater up there would feel like, let alone if it was powered on.

[–]percules 1 point2 points ago

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From Cracked, right?

You should probably give credit.

[–]VikingBoner 2 points3 points ago

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[–]Scott_MacGregor[S] 0 points1 point ago

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A friend posted it on their facebook wall. Had I have found it on cracked I would have given credit, I am that kind of guy.

[–]Mousi 1 point2 points ago

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"chop off your leg!" made me LOL.

[–]Albub 1 point2 points ago

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Ok

  1. I'm now curious about the potential merits of egg-beater based prostate stimulation. Anybody have previous experience with this sort of thing?

  2. I find the 'lose 30lbs FAST' and the 'One woman's horror' things to be way too funny.

[–]sundancekid005 1 point2 points ago

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Yo Dawg, I heard you like to sex while you sex so we put sex on the cover of sex so you could look at sex while you think of sex and have sex with your sex. merkin.

[–]FakePseudonym 0 points1 point ago

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Plus:

The sexiest sex to sex after sex!

[–]TheyreEatingHer 0 points1 point ago

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I did explore one of those magazines out of curiosity and told me things like, "Use a shoelace around his jumk. It'll turn him on," and "Hold his thumb or index finger. He'll imagine your hands around his package!"

I think I'm good with being forever alone if it means I won't have to do that stuff...

[–]COCA2113 -2 points-1 points ago

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I'd fuck her even if she'd been dead for a week.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Ikasatu 1 point2 points ago

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Socially Awkward Penguin:

Doesn't post about hot-looking celebrity

In case celebrity reads it

[–]who_are_you_really 0 points1 point ago

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I swear I saw my missus reading it...

[–]Kalimdrone 0 points1 point ago

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I couldn't fap to this...

[–]cassus_fett 0 points1 point ago

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haha 69% like it

[–]ShimShimmy -2 points-1 points ago

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Nice cracked repost.

[–]TheHughesFactor -1 points0 points ago

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Over.anal.yzing.

[–]FraggotMan -3 points-2 points ago

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you know, i never have spanked it to christina hendricks. she is just too fat and out of shape for me.

[–]FordSVT1 0 points1 point ago

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You just may be a -r.

[–]FraggotMan -2 points-1 points ago

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or maybe I dont get off looking at heffalumps?

[–]FordSVT1 2 points3 points ago

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I don't get off looking at fictional characters in Disney cartoons either.

[–]FraggotMan 1 point2 points ago

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your loss, buddy

[–]Shleppinstein -3 points-2 points ago

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Don't care that it's a repost, upvote for Christina Hendricks.

[–]knaar_227 -3 points-2 points ago

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This should be labeled as NSFW..