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top 200 commentsshow all 348

[–]Allriel 307 points308 points ago

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I was trying to be polite by not laughing at what a flaccid penis looks like, but I guess I won't bother now.

[–]sashimi_taco[!] 44 points45 points ago

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I like the way dicks look in all states of arousal.

[–]derpbegone 92 points93 points ago

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I must say that as a man, I always love vagina. Oh I'm done? How about while I wait to harden back up I try some more of that tasty taco? ;)

[–]girlyusername 20 points21 points ago

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you're awesome.

[–]xdewx 27 points28 points ago

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Get a room you two.

[–]Panda412 7 points8 points ago

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correct use of "you're". fapfapfap

[–]goatsy 5 points6 points ago

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oh what people will do for upvotes

[–]Gr00ber 2 points3 points ago

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Get out of here goatsy, you karma whore!

[–]goatsy 0 points1 point ago

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Damn, can't get anything past you...

[–]melechkibitzer 4 points5 points ago

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yep

edit: agreed but could have just upvoted?

[–]Just_use_the_arrows 17 points18 points ago

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Well you said it yourself.

[–]safariplanet 3 points4 points ago

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Is cunnilingus still tasty after you've ejaculated in her vagina?

[–]LORDJEW_VAN_CUNTFUCK 3 points4 points ago

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This is a pretty odd reply considering Allriel specifically said a flaccid penis.

[–]dodecahedonist 2 points3 points ago

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This is a pretty odd reply as well, LORDJEW_VAN_CUNTFUCK.

[–]LORDJEW_VAN_CUNTFUCK 0 points1 point ago

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How so?

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]LORDJEW_VAN_CUNTFUCK 4 points5 points ago

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I knew it. I know your type. Swine. Absolute swine.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]LORDJEW_VAN_CUNTFUCK 1 point2 points ago

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You have no idea how many posts I get that are about my username. I don't really mind it though. The worst is when they ignore my post because of it, and assume I'm some type of troll. Also when people try too hard to make it relevant to the topic.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]ladykampkin 24 points25 points ago

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Came here to say a similar thing. I applaud you!

[–]crafty_canuck 8 points9 points ago

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Noooooo! What have you done BenAfleckIsAnOkActor!!

[–]brmlyklr 31 points32 points ago

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Came here

[–]Sweddy 1 point2 points ago

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FEMINISTAS, UNITE!!

[–]lollerkeet 1 point2 points ago

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Feel free. It does look absurd.

[–]The-General-Doctor 184 points185 points ago*

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Not true!!! I go down on her with a tongue tornado and wait until my monster recovers and then do it again!

Edit: wow ok let me clarify something.... i use a CONDOM. I have no words for you Reddit!!

[–]anniedesu 48 points49 points ago

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applause applause applause, and a high five.

[–]ENKC 5 points6 points ago

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More of a low five, really.

[–]anniedesu 2 points3 points ago

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Nah bro, only the highest of fives.

[–]ProfessorD2 37 points38 points ago

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Creampies are like farts and toddlers.

Creampie I created = Awesome

Creampie anyone else created = Repulsive

[–]Nunbarshegunu 3 points4 points ago

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Toddlers and creampies are the same thing. Just at different times.

[–]imatworkla 16 points17 points ago

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I like you

[–]A_Privateer 22 points23 points ago

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Ugh... Look, man, I'm cool with kissing a girl after she's gone down on me, I don't even think twice about it. Hell, I'll even go downtown when we're switching positions. But after busting a load? FUCK NO. I'm not down with snowballing, and I'm not down with eating my load out of a girl.

[–]clever_imposter 7 points8 points ago

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Condoms

[–]MoePancho 4 points5 points ago

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I don't get why you we're downvoted, I've never met a guy that likes his own cum.... -_-

[–]Drakeneo 22 points23 points ago

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Hello!

[–]Tactful 8 points9 points ago

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You mean you don't eat your own cum? Fucking puritan.

[–]wellactuallyhmm 2 points3 points ago

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Yeah, I've never tried that but I don't think it would be my cup of tea, or vagina of sperm as it were.

I'm fine with ejaculating somewhere else, then going down on a girl. I just don't see the reason why I would blow inside if I was planning on going down on her right afterwards. It just seems like a situation you would avoid if you weren't actually trying to snowball her vagina.

[–]A_Privateer 1 point2 points ago

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Meh, this subreddit is rather insular, and unless you're supportive for absolutely every sort of sexual inclination, you'll be downvoted. It's all good though.

[–]MoePancho 1 point2 points ago

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It's r/funny.... and I've only explained past experiences, not what I support.

[–]spamato 69 points70 points ago

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I like all the posturing in this thread.

"Hey internet ladies, I'm so straight and virile I don't loose my sex drive after sex. So into vagina...you don't even know. I could do it like 18 times in a day. Ask anybody."

[–]kirschbaum 8 points9 points ago

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"yeah on average my GF (that means Girl Friend) probably cums[sic;)] maybe 5 - 9 times while we're boffing, though I don't really bother keeping track

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points ago

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I got a syntax error trying to parse that the first time I read it.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Well, like... I'm actually quite into vagina, even after I've come.

Also, I suck better dick than your favorite gal.

[–]TheoreticalB 396 points397 points ago

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Have you ever considered the fact that you might be gay? Not that there's anything wrong with that!

[–]king-hoe 167 points168 points ago

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This. Vaginas FTW

[–]Rudy69 41 points42 points ago

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Came here to say this...

When I see a vagina after I finished I usually think whether she would be up for round 2 ;)

[–]TheoreticalB 19 points20 points ago

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Yes! Even if I'm too tired to go again,I like to get my girlfriend off again after I'm done. Common courtesy.

[–]paranode 4 points5 points ago

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Again... yeah that's it

[–]TheoreticalB 2 points3 points ago

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Yeah it is. I like to get her off once before we even start having sex, hopefully once during, and once after. Sometimes it's more, sometimes less. When you go out with someone for awhile and love them, and appreciate them emotionally and physically, you can get pretty good at getting him/ her off.

[–]thebestofme 74 points75 points ago

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Lol, was about to say the same thing. There's nothing hotter than a dripping wet pussy.

[–]nk_sucks 27 points28 points ago

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people are trying a little too hard to assert their heterosexuality around here...

[–]brianblack2b 1 point2 points ago

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i like women who have taken their clothes off

[–]westbrookism 24 points25 points ago

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hear hear

[–]Elquinis 6 points7 points ago

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agreement nod

[–]Tactful 3 points4 points ago

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In the UK, there's a certain head nod that people, specifically guys, do when in silent agreement with each other. Just a sort of subtle little nod between two guys.

When I went to New Zealand, they told me they did the opposite. They sort of raise their head slightly in acknowledgement. True story.

TL;DR: Moving your head downwards in Britain = Moving your head upwards down under.

[–]budalicious 2 points3 points ago

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So we can agree on a global standard of north-south nods?

All in favour?

[–]Tactful 11 points12 points ago

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People on the equator don't do anything at all.

[–]budalicious 8 points9 points ago

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They'd have to move their head side-to-side

[–]Zafinar 15 points16 points ago

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Devil's Advocate: I think he might mean when it's filled with semen.

[–]danglyparts 12 points13 points ago*

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Dunno about you, but I specifically seek out creampie porn, and I make my girl let me see it drip out after. Cum filled pussy looks hot. If I had to try and rationalize it, I'd say it's the sense of a job well done. Some sort of internal, evolutionary, self-congratulatory pat on the back that says you might have gotten her pregnant, while your rational mind is ever-so-stoked that she's on birth control.

[–]LinkBalls 5 points6 points ago

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Neat.

[–]TheoreticalB 1 point2 points ago

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Possibly. My girlfriend loves the taste of my cum and insists I finish in her mouth every time, though, so I did not consider that perspective. Even still, I'd be down.

[–]heuheuheuheuh 10 points11 points ago

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Fuck you. Just... fuck you.

[–]JupitersClock 10 points11 points ago

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Seriously. Vags are fucking hot.

[–]Nunbarshegunu 1 point2 points ago

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vags

This is the most fun thing to pronounce I've ever seen/heard. Vagse, vajz, the possibilities are endless.

[–]Entity420 7 points8 points ago

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Last time I said this sort of thing I got downvoted but I don't really care.

Why do you assume OP is male?

[–]TheoreticalB 1 point2 points ago

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I'd say mainly the gif, but upon review of his/her comments afterwards, I just feel like it's a manly tone. But who knows? You could be right.

[–]Entity420 1 point2 points ago

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Yeah, I'm not trying to pick a fight. I just like to keep people on their toes about that, you know? I catch myself being heternormative all the time and I try not to be. Just something to think about :)

[–]TheoreticalB 1 point2 points ago

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No offense taken! Thank you encouraging me to think and question things. Also, thank you for the new vocabulary word.

[–]Entity420 0 points1 point ago

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:)

[–]saywee123 6 points7 points ago

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[–]dkman22 72 points73 points ago*

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so far all the comments are I LOVE VAGINAS

I can't help but feel like its being said so much it's almost like a cover.

[–][deleted] 65 points66 points ago*

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Every single thread like this is the same.

I LOVE VAGINAS

FAKE BREASTS ARE THE WORST THING SINCE THE HOLOCAUST

I LOVE CHUBBY GIRLS

I LOVE DRINKING MY GIRLFRIEND'S PERIOD BLOOD!

There's really no room for debate on any of these points on reddit (or really very many points at all). If you don't like every part of a "natural" woman's body, and if you aren't also willing to hold her Hello Kitty handbag in public, you're instantly labeled a fag.

I'm a straight guy, but not all vaginas look that appealing. Nothing wrong with them necessarily, just not aesthetically pleasing. It's a sliding scale. On one end you have this, and on the other end you have a Sarlacc pit. A lot of redditors don't seem to understand that your masculinity isn't in peril if you don't think a Sarlacc pit is the most beautiful thing in the world.

I mean seriously, if a game like this exists, you can't tell me that every pussy out there is the fucking Mona Lisa of vaginas.

[–]ENKC 10 points11 points ago

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There was a picture of cooked meat in that game. THIS PREMISE IS NOT ACCURATE.

[–]zackks 11 points12 points ago

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Thank you for not putting in a visual pictorial of the sarlac pit variety.

[–][deleted] 26 points27 points ago

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I consider myself a (mostly) straight woman, but I would eat that pussy. That's like the double fudge cheesecake of pussy, right there.

[–]Soup_bones 5 points6 points ago

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r/hungrybitches?

[–]Nard_Dawg 1 point2 points ago

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Gettin down with yo fine red Celtic ass, I respect that.

[–]doodads 5 points6 points ago

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You may need to reconsider yourself.

[–]LettersFromTheSky 4 points5 points ago

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On that game, I find it interesting that as a guy who has never had sex - I got a 12 out of 15. Also, the "sponsored by Republican Party" cracked me up.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points ago

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Good news bro, I got a 15 out of 15 on that test. I know my nasty looking pussy!

By the way, fake breasts are pretty disgusting. I mean, as bad as the holocaust is pushing it obviously - but they're up there with like.. farting during a hot shower.

[–]HotKarlHungus 1 point2 points ago

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15/15! Those were pretty obvious.

[–]I_Fugly 2 points3 points ago

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Dude, appreciate the higher end of that sliding scale, but feel free to go ahead and put a NSFW on that shit. Granted the context should have suggested I knew what was coming but honestly it could have been a picture of two, perfectly aligned, snails kissing for all I knew.

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points ago

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two, perfectly aligned, snails kissing

You can't expect me to guess that that would have been a real expectation though. We're in a thread about vaginas, talking about vaginas. There will be vaginas.

[–]Death_To_Your_Family 0 points1 point ago

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Scored 15/15 on that. That game is kinda of offensive. I think my puss is pretty :/

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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You're replying to a comment that is over a month old. Do you know how much you just confused me?

[–]Death_To_Your_Family 0 points1 point ago

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Oops… Sorry about that. I came here from another thread and totally overlooked the date.

And now I realize that "I think my puss is pretty" would be very confusing out of context… heh heh

[–]Turaton 1 point2 points ago

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My pussy is pretty, too.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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Vagina's what?

[–]dkman22 0 points1 point ago

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woops, fixed.

[–]RoboGal 42 points43 points ago

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Okay. :(

[–]TrevorPace[!] 90 points91 points ago

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I have no idea what you are talking about. It still looks great...

[–]Kryten_2X4B_523P 5 points6 points ago

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Every comment disagrees yet your karma is at 450 at the time of my writing this.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

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People are afraid to post comments agreeing, for fear that they might be called faggots for not liking vaginas after sex.

[–]CYRlX 208 points209 points ago

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What? Right after you just finished having sex? I LOVE seeing my girlfriend naked after we've had sex.

Are you 11?

[–]hawtfabio 63 points64 points ago

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No. I'm 12. And what is this?

[–]guyguy23 159 points160 points ago

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I love seeing your GF naked as well after sex; wow what a small world this is.

[–]MeInYourPocket 29 points30 points ago

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is she 11?

[–]Pedgi 10 points11 points ago

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Well, with real sex I love seeing my girlfriend naked afterwards. With porn, though, I can't watch anymore. I'm just done.

[–]ownworldman 0 points1 point ago

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Not for me.

[–]AssCommander 4 points5 points ago

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HAHA I'm laughing because I assume this is what people feel after having sex!

:(

[–]8Layers 21 points22 points ago

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r/inadvertently-outing-myself

[–]SmurferPenguin 5 points6 points ago

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you just be grateful the vagina let you anywhere near it!

[–]teamTLLP 46 points47 points ago

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ya, because dicks are so cute...

[–]juno0pop 41 points42 points ago

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They are though. They glisten in the moonlight post coitus.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points ago

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I don't think there needs to be a giant fight about this (which is clearly what this thread is devolving into). Genitals can look kind of weird on both sides.

[–]zeroGamer 8 points9 points ago

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He never claimed they are.

[–]Tactful 2 points3 points ago

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I <3 logical fallacies.

[–]lowbrowhijinx 10 points11 points ago

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I <3 logical phalluses

[–]WhatThePenis 14 points15 points ago

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The hivemind says, "What? NO! Vaginas are awesome all the time! You might be gay!"

I'm starting to believe BenAfleckIsAnOkActor and I are a lone wolfpack.

[–]larkable 6 points7 points ago

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I can join the Anti-Hivemind Boat on this one...

[–]WhatThePenis 9 points10 points ago

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Thank goodness...as soon as I finish when watching porn, my face goes to "What the fuck is this shit" mode.

[–]Sohda 2 points3 points ago

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Finished what? Pooping? I poop.

[–]Stones25 2 points3 points ago

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"Have you ever seen a vagina by itself...not for me."

[–]knightofmars 2 points3 points ago

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"After I cum, it's like 'Oh my God, what have I done?' A sense of profound existential angst, a sense of loss, a sense that somehow I've let my mum down." - Russel Brand Look up Post-coital tristesse.

I'm sure the people calling the OP gay are the same guys that think any stimulation of their anus is gay, even if it's done by their girl during oral.

[–]killertomato 2 points3 points ago

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I love the vag anytime, anywhere, it's like a beautiful flower that needs to be pleased.

[–]antibasic 75 points76 points ago

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A boy asks his father what a vagina looks like. His father responds "Before sex, a vagina looks like the most beautiful rose you'll ever see on a spring morning." Well, what about after sex? "Son, have you ever seen a pitbull eat a jar of mayonnaise?"

[–]infinite_blot 20 points21 points ago

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i just threw up a little

[–]Mr_Titicaca 2 points3 points ago

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I need to get this mayonnaise eating pitbull as a tattoo on my face.

[–]BigBadDog 6 points7 points ago

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[–]Mr_Titicaca 2 points3 points ago

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Hmm, I had a different image pictured in my head.

[–]darkmooninc 0 points1 point ago

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This. This is amazing.

[–]turlian 35 points36 points ago

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What's the worst part about eating a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmothers vagina? realizing you only put in eleven.

[–]feralle 90 points91 points ago

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What the fucking fuck?

[–]generaltimtim 26 points27 points ago

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Why did I scroll down this far?

[–]Kortz 13 points14 points ago

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Why, why?

[–]Tactful 0 points1 point ago

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I thought it was; "Wondering where the tartare sauce came from."

[–]Kryten_2X4B_523P 0 points1 point ago

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What? What? What? What? What? Whaaaaaaa......What? ....What? Wait, wait wait...

WHAT?

[–]wellactuallyhmm -2 points-1 points ago

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I thought it was that they were slathered in horse semen.

[–]TrueIce 13 points14 points ago

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that was my face last night when reading the jollyrancher story

[–]BenAfleckIsAnOkActor[S] 1 point2 points ago

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Go on... No seriously, i don't know what you're talking about.

[–]widdle 30 points31 points ago

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Trust me, you don't wanna know.

[–]Howisdiscool 8 points9 points ago

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Why the hell does no one understand it's not real?

[–]widdle 17 points18 points ago

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Maybe I'm only speaking for myself but I'm pretty sure everyone does, it's the thought of it that's nauseating.

[–]valencehipster 3 points4 points ago

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Seriously. I remember hearing the story as a freshman in high school years ago, except the couple was supposedly from another high school in our area. It's just a gross-out urban myth that reddit constantly revives.

[–]redgroupclan 5 points6 points ago

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TL;DR: Guy puts jolly rancher in his mouth, eats out girlfriend, loses jolly rancer in her pussy, gets it back out and bites down on it, finds that it's actually a gonohrrea nodule.

[–]EsteemedGentleman 14 points15 points ago

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Well that's enough Reddit for today.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I've seriously never laughed out loud on reddit before.

Well done.

[–]BenAfleckIsAnOkActor[S] 0 points1 point ago

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shit.

[–]ladykampkin 31 points32 points ago

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Isn't the point of /r/funny to be funny? This doesn't qualify...

[–]ownworldman 1 point2 points ago

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I like how you used hyperlink in case we want to go to the frontpage and are not feeling like scrolling up.

[–]spacep0pe 1 point2 points ago*

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Automatic sub-reddit linking was added on Friday. I'd link to the announcement but I'm on my phone.

EDIT: Here's the announcement in case anyone was curious.

[–]ownworldman 0 points1 point ago

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Oh, I didn't know. Thanks for the information.

[–]Taldoable 14 points15 points ago

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Gran Torino. One of the best movies of the last few years

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Just curious... why do people like the movie? Maybe I just didn't get it.

[–]Alecto1 0 points1 point ago

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I hated it too.

[–]Taldoable 0 points1 point ago

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This movie just had a lot of heart. In a world where movies such as "Jack and Jill" and "Land of the Lost" are allowed to exist, Gran Torino just stands as a way of saying that it is possible to make a good movie that isn't stupid. And, admittedly, I'm a sucker for movies about old soldiers.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Latepass, but...

are you, perchance, white?

[–]ItsOnlyNatural 4 points5 points ago

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Penis > Vagina aesthetically speaking.

[–]tempest63 7 points8 points ago

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Well maybe not Quite that bad...

[–]shaydra 7 points8 points ago

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When I first saw this I gave up hope for humanity, then I saw all of the awesome comments here and my faith has been restored.

[–]cheezy8 12 points13 points ago

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Lol seeing a penis before or after isn't any better -.-

[–]tmw3000 0 points1 point ago

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Nobody denies that.

[–]Durpadoo 5 points6 points ago

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You're looking at the wrong vaginas.

[–]swade7 7 points8 points ago

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Yes, it's called porn. I imagine OP would feel differently were he actually having sex.

[–]pookiemccool 5 points6 points ago

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One of the many reasons I could never be a lesbian: I don't see how vaginas are attractive.

[–]maccyjj 2 points3 points ago

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One of the many reasons a lesbian could never be straight: They don't see how penis is attractive

[–]tmw3000 2 points3 points ago

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OP never claimed that penises are pretty.

[–]Awful_Antagonist 2 points3 points ago

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My friend works at a hospital. He never wants to look at another penis or vagina ever again.

[–]huxrules 1 point2 points ago

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Lies. Vaginas look great - thats the ruse. Once you see a slimy child coming out of one and you realize the vajayjay has been sourced from the animal parts bin..... you will never look at one the same way.

[–]Arxl 2 points3 points ago

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Seeing a vagina in general does that to me. Literally no attraction and unless they just cleaned themselves it smells like low tide in Myrtle Beach. But don't mind me, I'm gay for a reason~

[–]tidomann 7 points8 points ago

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The OP might have posted this to do with fapping rather than actual sex with another human.

Or he's just gay.

[–]MorningNapalm 2 points3 points ago

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All the comments say no, but all the upvotes say yes.

[–]EmptyAndFrantic 2 points3 points ago

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It generally works that way: people who disagree leave comments about why the person is wrong, while people who do agree just upvote.

Obviously there are exceptions, but I find that works as a general rule.

[–]UTiki 4 points5 points ago

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I for one like the sight of vagina post coital. Reminds me of a roast beef sandwich, which, like the vagina, is delicious.

[–]Desireethegreat 0 points1 point ago

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Haha. You don't really like vagina at all do you?

[–]seaners111 1 point2 points ago

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You know how I know you're gay?

[–]Celltrex 9 points10 points ago*

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How can he be gay if he finished with a vagina in his face? All the sexual tension is released after the orgasm, so you don't care about porn, or sex, anymore, unless you are truly in the mood for it. Your brain prevents you to have sex again through sleeping, which is caused by releasing a cocktail of brain chemicals in your body. I am like the OP, and I am not gay.

I am baffled that so many igorant tards never thought about it this way.

[–]seaners111 0 points1 point ago

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Me'thinks thou doth protest a little too much. Immediately after sex I (too) am not in the mood for more sex.

However, I am not repulsed by the sight of vagina - which is the key difference I believe. In fact, if the girl I was with didn't finish and wanted me to go downstairs and do whatever, I'd happily oblige.... because I like vagina. Always.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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I don't get it

[–]Arrant 3 points4 points ago

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joke about how you don't get "it", if you know what i mean

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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joke about what I do get, from your mom

[–]ciirca 1 point2 points ago

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As a gay man, seeing a vagina: http://i.imgur.com/kAlRu.gif

[–]Phoequinox -1 points0 points ago

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Huh. I'm not sure Clint would be all that inclined to agree with your usage of his likeness to support this opinion.

A vagina is never unappealing to me.

[–]TrollWagon 1 point2 points ago

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Are you gay?

[–]freekstyle -1 points0 points ago

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Over half of Reddit is wondering if they should ever have sex now.

[–]EmptyAndFrantic 0 points1 point ago

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I certainly am.

I don't understand how vaginas suddenly become unappealing after... perhaps I should avoid sex. :/

[–]rtwpsom2 0 points1 point ago

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Heh, I finished watching that movie five minutes ago.

[–]tirouge0 0 points1 point ago

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So... what's this movie already?

[–]kenvsryu 0 points1 point ago

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just minimize the screen breh.

[–]jakespaced 0 points1 point ago

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[–]somethingcleveH 0 points1 point ago

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THAT'S A PENIS!

[–]Squeaky_Is_Evil 0 points1 point ago

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[–]rotORriot 1 point2 points ago*

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A father and son are having a frank discussion about sex. The son is very curious about the difference between girl parts and boy parts, so he asks, "Dad, what does a vagina look like?" The Dad conjures his most discreet and sensitive response and replies, "Well son, before sex a vagina looks like a delicate flower...a beautiful orchid... or... it's like an unopened rose bud. The son looks quizzically at his father, tilts his head to the side and asks the obvious follow up question. "Dad?", says the little boy, "what does a vagina look like after sex?" The dad says, "Uhm, er...uh, well son.. have you ever seen a bulldog eat mayonnaise sandwich?"

[–]piiig 0 points1 point ago

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I liked it, here have an upvote to counter that down vote.

[–]swade7 1 point2 points ago

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Sir, I don't think you're straight.