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all 159 comments

[–]RookerzTO 157 points158 points ago

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Starting my 25 million dollar Larry Gooseman movie.

[–]reederjr 37 points38 points ago

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I'll invest my 25 million also.

[–]gkow 36 points37 points ago

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And my axe!

[–]Anardrius 13 points14 points ago

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If you kill Larry Gooseman, it ONLY COUNTS AS ONE!

[–]Geno098[S] 28 points29 points ago

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I would watch that so hard.

[–]VicVictory 1 point2 points ago

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I'd be so hard while I watched that.

[–]scRp1 2 points3 points ago

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Just following this guy with a camera would be epic

[–]Bacontastic 4 points5 points ago

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I spend too much time here.

[–]freckles42 55 points56 points ago

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Katy Mills Mall... oh god, EVERYONE EVACUATE HOUSTON, THIS IS NOT A TEST. I REPEAT, THIS IS NOT A TEST.

[–]MurfDog07 14 points15 points ago

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I saw that and was like oh lord jebus that guy lives here? bad news bears my friends haha

[–]freckles42 3 points4 points ago

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I've already evacuated the city, as of 2000. But I was in the danger zone, as I lived a few short minutes from Katy ('sup, SBISD). I figured it was best to get clear long before anyone even knew about him.

[–]Skyy-High 0 points1 point ago

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Wait, wait, wait...

This isn't fake? This..."person", if you will, exists?

[–]texansfan 7 points8 points ago

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it's cool, it's just Katy.

[–]freckles42 2 points3 points ago

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Not that I'd miss Katy, but my friends all live near Dairy Ashford and Memorial... I fear they're too close to the danger zone to survive.

[–]Pineapple23 1 point2 points ago

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That's where I live.. Is it too late to escape?

[–]nfranceschini 1 point2 points ago

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Go mustangs?

[–]freckles42 0 points1 point ago

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I'd rather be dead than red.

(I can't believe I remember that shit; I graduated SHS in 2000 and had no school spirit but mandatory pep rallies.)

[–]marcospolos 2 points3 points ago

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Woah man, what's wrong with Katy?

[–]SolyHhit 4 points5 points ago

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everything, gtfo asap, like I did

[–]marcospolos 1 point2 points ago

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I'm out, but I still like the place.

The hell did I miss?

[–]SolyHhit 0 points1 point ago

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terrible suburbia? Too far away from Houston to be fun. Bad weather. Bonus for being cheap though! I lived in Cinco Ranch, more or less, so you coulda been somewhere else. Political/social/religious issues too if you want to go there :-p

[–]marcospolos 0 points1 point ago

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I was more borderline Katy, but still heavily in the suburbia area. It wasn't fantastic or anything, but it was an alright place to grow up.

TL;DR - Suburbia.

[–]ChristheGreek 4 points5 points ago

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katy sucks. suburbia at its worst.

[–]Moot4life 1 point2 points ago

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Good football team though.

[–]Maybs3923 7 points8 points ago

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EVERYONE IN THIS SHORT THREAD IS FROM KATY. REDDIT IS BECOMING TOO REAL FOR ME. GOOD BYE

[–]BrizzleFizzle 4 points5 points ago

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Was thinking about moving to Washington. Read this. Immediately bought my ticket.

[–]Zeld4 1 point2 points ago

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EXACTLY what I thought.

[–]WhiteHatHacker 103 points104 points ago

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"Are you the one they call... the stump grinder?"

[–]yankees2625 21 points22 points ago

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No this is Patrick!

[–]Todd_the_Squirrel 11 points12 points ago

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No

[–]whatacad 16 points17 points ago

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YES, THIS IS DOG

[–]SolidWood 87 points88 points ago

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haha whats with his dad and shitting everywhere?

[–]Twyll 36 points37 points ago

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The apple never falls far from the tree... or the turd from the asshole, apparently.

[–]lightbreaksthrough 19 points20 points ago

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The shit apple doesn't fall far from the shit tree

[–]Bradical123 10 points11 points ago

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When you plant shit seeds, you get shit weeds

[–]8-bit_d-boy 8 points9 points ago

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Fuck off, Lahey.

[–]lightbreaksthrough 6 points7 points ago

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[–]diodeforjustice 5 points6 points ago

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I don't know who this is supposed to be, but I don't think they understand what a prank war is.

[–]todd375 4 points5 points ago

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Aw, you know Dad, always shittin' in things he aint supposed to!

[–]persianprez 32 points33 points ago

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the goose is loose! oops sorry yall thought this was googles

[–]TheBigEmpty 62 points63 points ago

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this shit is hilarious. 10x better than the majority of FB shit uploaded on here consisting of narcissistic goons picking on their bimbo "friends"

[–]kamp_krusty 25 points26 points ago

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One of his interests is "24 Hour Fitness - Katy, TX"

ಠ_ಠ

[–]texansfan 4 points5 points ago

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Maybe he likes it for the same reason he is interested in DDR...

[–][deleted] 43 points44 points ago

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i just sent him a friend request.

[–]LBJforUSA 64 points65 points ago

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If this man is real, our country is in more trouble than I thought.

[–]wombey2010 25 points26 points ago

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If this man is real, he is a perfect example of why I have lost faith in the human race.

[–]LBJforUSA 11 points12 points ago

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He needs to be made into some sort of public service announcement for us, a scared straight type of deal.

[–]bschef 14 points15 points ago

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If this man is real I'm taking my second lunch break.

[–]Kevin_Wolf 7 points8 points ago

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He is real, and is one of the greatest Facebook trolls ever. For example.

[–]White_Phoenix 0 points1 point ago

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I seriously cannot believe this guy is real. He can't be man. My disbelief...

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]gtc737 7 points8 points ago

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A wise man once said, "Wrap it b4 u tap it."

[–]SometimesY 4 points5 points ago

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Holy shit. The comments on his profile picture are fucking ridiculous. Lots of vitriol.

[–]slimrider94 1 point2 points ago

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"pretty much anything thats hip hop and rape music" I really don't like this guy.

[–]TrollingPope 1 point2 points ago

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This will get taken down soon you know...

[–]BioDigitalJazz 1 point2 points ago

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Yes, this will, and probably should be taken down, but it's fucking gold.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]BenjaminSkanklin 4 points5 points ago*

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Apparently a lot of god damn people are falling for it. I mean that fucking black eye just makes it ridiculous.

Edit: You trolling son of a bitch

[–]computmaxer 0 points1 point ago

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looking at pictures especially, I find it hard to declare troll.

[–]jakerg23 9 points10 points ago

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This makes me want to give out an honorary Larry Gooseman Award for the person whose existance I am most astounded by.

[–]titsmcgee88 6 points7 points ago

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I'm reasonably confident the man is a troll.

[–]anothermoron 0 points1 point ago

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I am always surprised by how little Redditors know about trolls. I had no idea coming into the comments section that people would be thinking he's for real.

[–]IWasOnCopsOnce 7 points8 points ago

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PRANK WAR!!!!!

[–]checkem22 11 points12 points ago

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the man... the myth.... the legend

[–]Serjical_Strike 5 points6 points ago

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i added him so that that i can get a daily laugh out of my otherwise mind numbing news feed.!!

[–]Geno098[S] 4 points5 points ago

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Sadly, he doesn't update very often. Maybe three times a month.

[–]waitonemoment 2 points3 points ago

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give the goose the noose!

[–]beyondthunderdome 2 points3 points ago

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I hate to say it, but if this guy's for real he'll have a reality show in about 6 months. "Keeping Up With the Gooseman" or something along those lines. Even worse, I'd probably watch it. Dammit.

[–]bearvsshark420 4 points5 points ago

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This is legit? that pic of the pedo teacher and everything?? I don't think so...

[–]graceycakes 8 points9 points ago

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oh. my. god. i'd be the turkey to his stuffing. hell yeah.

[–]thetruthisouthere 2 points3 points ago

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his favorite movies are 300 and 300 special edition

[–]benjio123 2 points3 points ago

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[–]hearthealthymeals 2 points3 points ago

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Shenanigans.

[–]jakerg23 5 points6 points ago

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This is a real facebook account, it's the first result when googled. We're on the ground floor of an amazing internet breakthrough.

[–]happygerbil -1 points0 points ago

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I very much hope these shenanigans aren't but I feel like it is.

[–]sweetsnowman 5 points6 points ago

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Is... Is he real? His Facebook looks real..

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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This was a link to his Facebook. Then I realized it was probably a bad idea to introduce this man to millions of people who more than likely don't like him very much.

/link removed

[–]aftli 1 point2 points ago

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I like him. I'm laughing my ass off. I hope he accepts my friend request.

[–]Brendyn 1 point2 points ago

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I think the link would be removed anyway - under the 'no personal information' rule. But really, if anyone wants to find him they can just google his name . . .

[–]bekito 0 points1 point ago

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  • googles

[–]unruhly 8 points9 points ago

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I just looked it up... I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

[–]ATOMbomb138 0 points1 point ago

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wondering the same thing...caauuuse i want to add him. he seems too ridiculous to be true. the pictures all appear to be the same person...but then again vague enough to be a fake account. i need to do some research...

[–]Artuir 0 points1 point ago

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I had a friend that lived in Katy, I visited and it is its own goddamned pocket of reality. Very twilight zone-ish. I would not be surprised in the least if this guy is 100% legit.

[–]One_Eyed_Sneasel 1 point2 points ago

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The Goose is Loose!!!!

[–]jollyxgreenexgiant 1 point2 points ago

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Am I the only one who read these in Chris Farley's voice?

[–]wecameasbromans22 1 point2 points ago

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If there is one person on earth I truly want dead, it's this fucking guy. I swear to god if someone ever upperdecks the shitter at my Subway I will dedicate the rest of my life to making sure he/she dies a slow and painful death.

[–]AliasUndercover 1 point2 points ago

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"Katy Mils....?" Oh crap, Katy Mills Mall!?! This freak is in Houston! I will never feel safe here again.

[–]know_what_im_SAIYAN 1 point2 points ago

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someone kill this fat bastard

[–]punarvasu 1 point2 points ago

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really seriously tempted to friend this guy

[–]Imeantthatliterally 1 point2 points ago

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Is he major trolling or his he real?

[–]Le_Bacon 1 point2 points ago

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[–]MajoraThief 1 point2 points ago

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I don't know....this just seems too ridiculous. I would hate to think that there is a human being out there that disgusting. Either that or someone pulled off a major troll

[–]mrkarazy 1 point2 points ago

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What a fat bastard.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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WTF he lives near me.

time to move.

[–]elastic-craptastic 1 point2 points ago

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Geno098, can you take this down please? Koosh can lose his current job.

[–]DrMrProfessor 1 point2 points ago

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I'll give my midnight secret eating stash

[–]iwishiwasthatclever 1 point2 points ago

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I literally laughed so hard that I had to go take a dump. In my toilet, though, and not in the top part.

[–]FrenjaminBanklin 1 point2 points ago

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Is this a real person? If the answer is yes, how soon can someone murder him?

[–]YouListening 8 points9 points ago

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Well, as an avid serial killer, I can honestly say he doesn't fit my code, but I'll drown him in my spare time if I have any.

[–]Starcast 7 points8 points ago

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Just be careful the whale warrior doesn't try to defend him.

[–]AliasUndercover 0 points1 point ago

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You need a code to take out the trash?

[–]yamato57 0 points1 point ago

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its ok your brother brian is here now, lets party!

[–]YouListening 0 points1 point ago

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Biney?!

[–]yamato57 0 points1 point ago

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miss me, little brother?

[–]YouListening 0 points1 point ago

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What's going on, Brian? I thought I viciously killed you while filled with regret almost 4 years ago.

[–]yamato57 0 points1 point ago

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Oh nothing just came back from my debut of twilight 3 and decided to become your dark passenger.

[–]YouListening 1 point2 points ago

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I'm disappointed, brother.

[–]shaemarie -1 points0 points ago

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I see what you did there.

[–]YouListening 1 point2 points ago

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Shh, don't tell /r/Dexter I struck here.

[–]SonCaligula 0 points1 point ago

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I'd need a blowtorch, a can of pepperspray, and two staplers to tap that...

[–]CanIGetaHellYeah 0 points1 point ago

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Reminds me a little of howard moon...

"I saw a grave.. and shat on it"

[–]kh16888 0 points1 point ago

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oh. my. wtf...

[–]MikeOxbigg 0 points1 point ago

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God fucking dammit, I've been to Katy Mills and apparently I missed out on Larry Gooseman.

[–]CndConnection 0 points1 point ago

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Friended.

[–]kevcube 0 points1 point ago

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Anyone ever seen Super Troopers?

Farva. Fucking Farva.

[–]ross1550 0 points1 point ago

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"David Goon likes this" Ha ha

[–]jointheredditarmy 0 points1 point ago

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This looks like larry pig's account for those who know him....

[–]AliasUndercover 0 points1 point ago

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I just read through this whole thing. I'm not sure, but I'm afraid it may not be a satire page.

[–]meltingice 0 points1 point ago

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This man is like the more vulgar version of @DadBoner.

[–]pat841 0 points1 point ago

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Notice how subway never pranks back? Scumbag Subway...

[–]sambachild 0 points1 point ago

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This is incredible!

[–]xi_yangyang 0 points1 point ago

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I don't know who Larry Gooseman is, but judging from this, he seems like a real asshole. Okay, downvote me.

[–]Klewg 0 points1 point ago

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I NEED TO BE THIS GUY'S FRIEND

[–]myDogIsBetterThanYou 0 points1 point ago

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"Stump Grinder". nice.

[–]opaque22 0 points1 point ago

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"Kicked me out of cost co bc samples is one per person"

FALSE. I'm an Event Manager for CDS, the company that gives out the free samples inside of Costco and I assure you our company policy is that members may take as many samples as they want. Sales Advisers are strictly forbidden to limit the amount of samples a member takes or comment rudely in the event that a member takes numerous samples.

If you wanted to take everything on the tray right in front of an old woman who was waiting, my staff is only allowed to thank you for shopping at Costco.

[–]xwexcollidex 0 points1 point ago

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WAITING FOR MY REQUEST TO BE ACCEPTED.

[–]yeahriles 0 points1 point ago

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lol, Katy, TX.

[–]averagejosh 0 points1 point ago

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It's like the real-life version of THIS!

[–]madisonfm 0 points1 point ago

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who could down vote this?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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this made my night.

[–]Trakis 0 points1 point ago

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what a hero. this is so money.

[–]GeorgeForemanGrillz 0 points1 point ago

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This guy is awesome.

[–]brokenearth02 0 points1 point ago

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It's amazing how divided the comments are. some love him, some want him dead. there is no in between.

[–]ayiyi 0 points1 point ago

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I just sent him a friend request. I secretly hope he'll troll the fuck out of me.

[–]gatsbythegreat -2 points-1 points ago

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TL, gonna read tomorrow!

[–]iamoldmilkjug -1 points0 points ago

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This guy is sooo fucking boss. "Larry could you please remove this? I could get fired from my current job."