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all 82 comments

[–]godlived 35 points36 points ago

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He was trying to tell you that you were the replacement for his kid...

[–]Potchi79 19 points20 points ago

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I tell my kids that they are the replacement kids, and that we got rid of two boys just like them because they were too bad. I tell them we sold them to a Chinese family and they eat rice all day and don't have any toys.

[–]heetic 5 points6 points ago

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I am 11 years older than my sister. When she was 3 years old - 10 years old I had her convinced that we found her in the woods and our parents were just lying to her because they did not want her to be upset.

[–]Roopa132 -2 points-1 points ago

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Wait, so you are 11 years older but when she was 3 you were 10? ಠ_ಠ

[–]luellasindon 7 points8 points ago

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Heetic means that from the time the sister was 3 years old until the sister was 10 years old, Heetic had convinced the sister that she had been found in the woods.

[–]Roopa132 3 points4 points ago

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Oh, all right I read it as if "10 years old I" meant heetic when he was 10.

[–]luellasindon 2 points3 points ago

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So did I at first :)

[–]neotsunami 3 points4 points ago

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How many re-reads of his post did it take to figure it out? I'm sure if you hadn't explained it, I would've never understood his mathmagics.

[–]luellasindon 1 point2 points ago

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A couple or three, I think.

[–]reallyhellacool -1 points0 points ago

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Punctuation. It's important.

[–]zf420 1 point2 points ago

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He had her convinced from when she was 3 all the way until she was 10.

[–]wallychamp 1 point2 points ago

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I had an older brother who was sold to the Indians, what my Dad didn't count on was the fact that I found Native Americans really interesting.

[–]Potchi79 1 point2 points ago

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Now that you mention it, my parents often threatened to give my sister and I to the gypsies when we misbehaved. Kids are stupid.

[–]veganna 0 points1 point ago

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My sister was left by gypsies. She actually believed me for a little while, too.

[–]SV_Kallisti 5 points6 points ago

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I belive this is how they preform a forth trimester abortion.

[–]Rad2 9 points10 points ago

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wholeheartedly laughed at this.

[–]Figgots 7 points8 points ago

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UP and down and UP and down and ohshit

[–]CapnScumbone 2 points3 points ago

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This kills the infant.

[–]AliasRooster 3 points4 points ago

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THATS_ THE _ JOKE_.jpg

[–]IdioticPost 3 points4 points ago

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I like turtles.

[–]AlienBloodMusic 3 points4 points ago

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Ah yes - Sudden Infant Disintegration Syndrome.

[–]Tomservo3 2 points3 points ago

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Hes giving you advice on the best way to paint a room instantly

[–]Zackeriess 0 points1 point ago

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In third person apparently

[–]travatron 2 points3 points ago

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tomato juggling incident...be scared...my dad started juggling tomatoes one day... my family laughed at him... now he's laughing at us...here

[–]Potchi79 4 points5 points ago

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wat

[–]rarcke 2 points3 points ago

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My husband actually did this with one of our kids when she was about 8 months old. She lost a tiny bit of skin and had a shockingly small bruise on the top of her head where the fan blade hit. She was fine but mad as hell.

[–]seamusocoffey 6 points7 points ago

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The middle of that fan is off center

[–]Potchi79 12 points13 points ago

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You would be too if someone hit you with a baby.

[–]ahmed_alamir 2 points3 points ago

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This is why it wiggles.

[–]xoxota99 1 point2 points ago

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You would too if someone hit you with a baby.

[–]realmrkitty 1 point2 points ago

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[–]eighmie 1 point2 points ago

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I would not be dropping the grandkids off at his house for any unsupervised time.

[–]opinjonated 1 point2 points ago

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Brings a whole new meaning to 'fan death'.

[–]aqualung35 3 points4 points ago

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It took me a second to get it, then I literally lol'd.

[–]nate92 1 point2 points ago

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My ribs hurt

[–]Gillybilly 3 points4 points ago

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Also going to hell, spit tea all over my computer.

[–]dungar 0 points1 point ago

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You should be thankful.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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This should add new perspective to his moon-eyed stories about your "long-lost" brother, eh?

EH?

[–]RobinTheBrave 0 points1 point ago

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I saw a guy forget about the ceiling fan, jump off a top bunk and scalp himself.

At the hospital, they said that fan injuries were usually a result of people throwing babies up into them, and they saw them reasonably often.

This was in Darwin, Australia.

[–]Airazz 0 points1 point ago

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Mythbusters tested a similar myth about some guy jumping on a bed with ceiling fan on. Standard ceiling fans would leave a bruise at most, since they don't spin fast enough. Even industrial fans would only cut the skin but would not cause much damage. Only their own purpose-built fan was able to cause some serious damage, although even then it wasn't powerful enough to cut off the head of their dummy.

[–][deleted] ago*

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[deleted]

[–]Airazz 1 point2 points ago

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Wait... do you have a very low ceiling or is your roommate a giant?

[–]cincy_rob 0 points1 point ago

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This is why I am scared to procreate.

[–]fanboat 0 points1 point ago

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My dad did this to me, haha. Well, I mean, it was just a tap, no bruise or blood or anything. Hilarious in retrospect, he was freaking out though

[–]BlizzardofOz 0 points1 point ago

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A bit too morbid for Far Side?

[–]Aihwa 0 points1 point ago

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About my grandchild...

[–]SpectrallyAccurate 0 points1 point ago

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My nightmare

[–]flashingcurser 0 points1 point ago

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You used to have an older brother.....

[–]jayuhfree 0 points1 point ago

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My spouse actually went to a party where a group of drunk hippies did just that. The baby survived, but brain-damaged.

[–]FCBarca1984 0 points1 point ago

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As a parent I can't wait to play practical jokes on my kid when she's older. Kind of a "I love you but you really tested my patience growing up" thing.

[–]4realthistime 0 points1 point ago

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he's basically saying that it could have been worse...

[–]coffeeholic15 0 points1 point ago

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tgaaloom

[–]i-speak-lies 0 points1 point ago

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You should feel lucky. You're the one who lived. ;)

[–]rainonplant 0 points1 point ago

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Maybe he's trying to say he feels like he wanted to make you happy, have fun with you, but emotionally hurt you instead.

[–]mancko 0 points1 point ago

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That would really be a bad moment I think.

[–]hairygary 0 points1 point ago

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I actually was thrown into a ceiling fan as a baby!

[–]Wek11 0 points1 point ago

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Spoiler: You had a brother.

[–]hunny_bunny 0 points1 point ago

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My mother would walk in to similar situations. Dad was never good with child care. Every time dad was left in charge of watching us, one of us (me or my little brother) would get injured somehow. My mother still laughs about the time when I was 2, my dad was "watching me" during a soccer match and he mindlessly fed me jalapeno nachos. When mom found me I was crying on the floor and dad had no idea what happened. I love my dad, but I would not trust him with my future grandchildren.

[–]jimmy_legs 0 points1 point ago

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Here's the process to answer your question. Are you an infant or not? If not, I doubt your father can throw your body into a fan. This means you can laugh. If you're an infant be scared, that's a threat on your life... and holy shit babies can motherfucking talk??

[–]asquint 0 points1 point ago*

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I guess we know which grandparent will never babysit solo!

Edit: failure to proofread

[–]simperingfool 0 points1 point ago

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I think this is the closest you'll get to an admission from your father that he accidentally threw or raised you high enough such that the fan smacked you. He obviously felt real bad about it at the time, and hasn't managed to get over it, and this is a way for him to assuage his guilt.

[–]FraggotMan 0 points1 point ago

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as someone who has put his hand in multiple fans, i garuntee that this would not happen

[–]forthelol 0 points1 point ago

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It's a sign. Better not let him hold your grandkids

[–]marelle90 0 points1 point ago

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i dont know this guy but for some reason i want him to die

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]MunchkinMaster 4 points5 points ago

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That was really stupid

[–]Militant_Penguin 0 points1 point ago

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Should probably worry if you have a little brother or sister

[–]meohmy13 0 points1 point ago

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Or if they tell you you're an only child...

[–]Militant_Penguin 1 point2 points ago

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very suddenly and then leave the room quickly

[–]nonex 0 points1 point ago

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That look on his face totally got me.

[–]anonymousrapeface 0 points1 point ago

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It's just his way of saying you had an older brother once, but he didn't make the same mistake with you

[–]ironw00d -1 points0 points ago

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Suddens Infant Death Syndrome(SIDS) is now commonly referred to as Casey Anthony Mysterious Death Syndrome (CAMDS)

[–]USURP888 -1 points0 points ago

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He's probably confessing about the child that preceded you.

[–]Jello-Wiggles -1 points0 points ago

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Wiggle wiggle

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points ago

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Lol funny stuff

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]menomenaa 5 points6 points ago

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I don't think this would have even been funny if you drew the comic.

[–]lookieausername 0 points1 point ago

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Ł幾祲沒翼*惢襂煽牽 #fact

[–]CG_TUNA -3 points-2 points ago

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Me gusta face. Nice.

[–]palordrolap 0 points1 point ago

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More like an "I don't want what just happened to have just happened." face.

[–]CG_TUNA 0 points1 point ago

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Compare to me gusta. Similar eyes and mouth

[–]Klieserber 0 points1 point ago

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there is really no similarity at all and you are confusing me

[–]palordrolap 0 points1 point ago

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I can't deny the similarity, but there are subtle differences which take it a long way from the me gusta face.

For instance, this guy doesn't look pleased at all and while he has slightly bugged-out eyes, he's closer to a thousand yard, spaced out, bottom-fallen-out-of-his-world stare than dirty minded revelation.

[–]CG_TUNA 0 points1 point ago

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Haha maybe this is why I was bad at L.A. Noire.

[–]CaptainJeff -3 points-2 points ago

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The guy looks like Bob from Bob's Burgers.

Hate that show.