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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]mat101010 591 points592 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]chronocrux 505 points506 points ago

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Nailed it... with a rock.

[–]fondlemeLeroy 326 points327 points ago

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This isn't the first time a rock was used to consummate a fuck.

[–]usna2k 113 points114 points ago

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You might say... he really got his rocks off.

[–]Steve_The_Ogre 55 points56 points ago

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I'm too stoned for puns like that.

[–]derpynerd 32 points33 points ago

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Granite, at least they weren't a pile of schist.

[–]ObscureSaint 32 points33 points ago

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Oh come on, another rock pun?? That's not gneiss at all.

[–]faatbuddha 27 points28 points ago

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Of quartz. These threads are tuff to avoid.

[–]FoWsUrDuress 20 points21 points ago

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I marble at your pun-making prowess

[–]Pt5PastLight 11 points12 points ago

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I deduced he used sandstone! Sedimentary my dear Watson.

[–]ryandaily 11 points12 points ago

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Igneous, isn't he?

[–]SUBLIME4EVER 14 points15 points ago

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Damnit you all took my rock puns. For that you must be pumiced.

[–]JonSherwell 13 points14 points ago

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Sorry, I'm a bit Slate to the party

[–]unillhexium 6 points7 points ago

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You Mohs definitely shale not get away with this one.

[–]derpynerd 2 points3 points ago

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I doubt it. My mind isn't so sedentary.

[–]burratroll 38 points39 points ago

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YEEEEEEAAAAHHHHH!!!!

[–]rsheahen 119 points120 points ago

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[–]elitexero 48 points49 points ago

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"Welcome to Costco, I love you"

[–]D0ug91 24 points25 points ago

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"I could use some Starbucks..." "WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR A HANDJOB"

[–]Fapplebloom 38 points39 points ago

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“It says on your chart you’re fucked up, you talk like a fag, and your shit’s all retarded. “ “Don’t worry scrote. There are plenty of ‘tards out there living really kick ass lives. My first wife was ‘tarded. She’s a pilot now. “ (One of my top 5 Favorite Movies)

[–]ElAmigoAbad 3 points4 points ago

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Hey I've been there :)

[–]jwpadley 7 points8 points ago

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i wonder what their special sauce is..

[–]Bobalobatobamos 23 points24 points ago

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Santorum

[–]jwpadley 9 points10 points ago

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had to look it up www.spreadingsantorum.com, almost threw up my buttfucker burger

[–]PubLiic 129 points130 points ago*

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Can you imagine the satisfaction the thrower must've had?

When an asshole becomes a legend...

[–]FuzzzWuzzz 93 points94 points ago

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must have

[–][deleted] 48 points49 points ago

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I do see "must of" or "should of" far too many times on Reddit. Makes me cringe every time.

[–]thehuntofdear 26 points27 points ago

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And yet no one comments on the glut of "we try and have a...". It's "try to".

Ninja: I read a few articles after this post. I guess what I consider correct is considered more formal language but both can be correct colloquially. In fact, my former example may be an older construction than the other. TIL

[–]criitz 10 points11 points ago

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Regardless, I hate that phrasing too.

[–]olivermihoff 63 points64 points ago

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Mike Judge is a modern-day Nostrodamus. Just 10 more years before Buttfuckers according to the prophecy.

[–]Eurynom0s 39 points40 points ago

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Came for Idiocracy reference, leave satisfied.

[–]DagoStorm 17 points18 points ago

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[–]Eurynom0s 5 points6 points ago

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Don't make me fag your face!

[–]MrLister 20 points21 points ago*

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That movie started as a parody and has become a documentary.

Better head over to Starbucks...

[–]Eurynom0s 22 points23 points ago

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Dude, this is no time for a handjob.

[–]D0ug91 7 points8 points ago

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Hey, I uhh, I like sex

[–]Number51X 8 points9 points ago

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I'm a huge fan of Buttfuckers, looking forward to it.

[–]guninmouth 3 points4 points ago

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World's Greatest Fuckburgers?

[–][deleted] 87 points88 points ago

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I've been waiting for something similar to happen with a local Black Angus.

[–]NorthernBoreus 77 points78 points ago

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For one glorious week a store near me called Eyeglass World was simply "Ass World." It truly was wonderful.

[–]GaryDuder 14 points15 points ago

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Someone put a capital A in there?

[–]PterionFracture 2 points3 points ago*

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The sign is already in all caps: http://i.imgur.com/GUxj3.jpg

Which becomes Ass World

[–]Roscoe_cracks_corn 20 points21 points ago

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I'm from Washington State and when I was about 12, my mom and I drove by the Black Angus....the G was out. We both died laughing. It was dark outside and the sign was lit up red, big and bold.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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And it burns, burns, burns...

[–]mtnsurfer 22 points23 points ago

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There's one off the highway near my place that I have driven by over the last 20 years and the closest I've ever seen it was BLACK ANG__.

I wonder if they have a person to make sure that G never goes out!

[–]this-color-is-blue 34 points35 points ago

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I nominate Phil.

[–]arayta 6 points7 points ago

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the closest I've ever seen it was BLACK ANG__

That's actually farther from the target, not closer.

[–]n0t_5hure 18 points19 points ago

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invest in a bb gun and create your own magic.

[–]HarmonicMinorShred 2 points3 points ago

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Well stop waiting, just drive by and chuck a rock at it! Lol.

[–]admittedlyanexdigger 2 points3 points ago

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This actually happened to the Black Angus in my town. My mom saw it driving one day and thought it was hilarious. She ended up calling the restaurant and speaking with the manager to inform him that the sign was in the state that it was (as if there was some way he wouldn't have noticed), and he told her that this frequently happens as people will throw rocks to knock out the G. He said some of the stores had to get some type of sheer mesh covering for the sign after it has been repeatedly vandalized.

Not exactly surprising, but I found it funny.

[–][deleted] 192 points193 points ago

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My last name is Rucker, and my dad's friend really wanted to name me Fudd when I was born.

[–]CaesarOrgasmus 215 points216 points ago

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Mine is Hoye. My parents got several requests for Chipsa.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]bytemovies 103 points104 points ago

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I thought your name was Larry.

[–]darkandmetric 65 points66 points ago

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ooh, Larry, David's son.

[–]brandenpro 10 points11 points ago

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Larry David is great in Curb.

[–]Larry_the_Unix_Guy 61 points62 points ago

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And you must be Mr. Byte Movies.

Nice to meet you good sir!

[–]StupidFriendStory 13 points14 points ago

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Dammit! It's Harley, Harley D. Irrelevant.

[–]johnscrawls 21 points22 points ago

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Other than being a motorcycle pun, that sounds awesomely Norse, like "Thor, Odin's son."

[–]Thjoth 34 points35 points ago

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Icelandic names still follow that pattern, actually. So if you're John, and your dad is Harald, your full name is John Haraldsson. If your name was Jane (and you were a woman), you'd be Jane Haraldsdóttir. So, your entire family might consist of your father (Harald Þorvarðsson), your mother (Fjóla Arnfinnsdóttir), yourself (Hákon Haraldsson) and your sister (Sigrún Haraldsdóttir). So, no one in your nuclear family has the same surname in that case.

I've always found it a bit strange that the practice has survived over a thousand years, but considering Icelandic is basically Western Old Norse, I can see how it has.

[–]shillbert 3 points4 points ago

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Everything strange happens on islands. Iceland, Australia, Newfoundland...

[–]jephos 9 points10 points ago

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LOST

[–]holysnapson 2 points3 points ago

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JAPAN?

[–]alotofdavid 18 points19 points ago

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As a David, I now know what my son's name will be.

[–]AkinaYamito 8 points9 points ago

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You dad sounds like a cool guy. Did you inherit his love of bikes?

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Almostinteresting 49 points50 points ago

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For some reason, "Current Physical form" makes me think that you accidentally turned into a gaseous vapor.

[–][deleted] 28 points29 points ago

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Coming Summer 2012, Rick Moranis stars in... Honey, I Sublimated the Children.

[–]Hitchedonhitchens 17 points18 points ago

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What is your current physical form?

[–]jimmyrunsdeep 45 points46 points ago

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A bucket of water.

[–]indefort 3 points4 points ago

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Scared myself and my roommate with the unexpected volume of my snort.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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I must know about your current physical form. I can only pin it down to your being a child or morbidly obese.

  1. In your current form (small child), you can't ride any of your dad's bikes.
  2. You can't afford a bike (no income, typically true for a child)
  3. Your mom's bike is small enough for you to ride, but you will not risk your reputation in the schoolyard if your friends see you riding a girly bike.

Or you could be morbidly obese, and your mom is also obese.

  1. You are too large to ride on your dad's bike.
  2. You spend all your money on food, so you can't afford a bike.
  3. Your mom is also obese, and owns a bigger bike than your dad. You fit on your mom's girly bike, but you are too ashamed to be a fat guy riding a girly bike.

[–]REDDITvTIDDER 5 points6 points ago

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This is going to come off as an ignorant comment but its in inquisitive spirit, are you just not strong enough to handle your dad's bikes or is something else to your current physical form?

[–]wtfomg 4 points5 points ago

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Friend's last name is Csont. Parents named him Chris.

[–]ksong18 3 points4 points ago

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last name song- first name didn't matter, but people wanted my middle name to be singza

[–]DamageInq 8 points9 points ago

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Mine is name, parents almost named me Completelymadeup.

[–]shelldog 22 points23 points ago

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....Darius? Is....is that you? HOOTIE?!?!?!

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points ago

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We generally refer to him as Uncle Darius. Although we're all really white

[–]Rountree85 5 points6 points ago

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I'm white, but my black step-dad looks just like Darius Rucker.

[–]Lambchops_Legion 4 points5 points ago

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You'll always be Hootie to me, damnit

[–]ashamanflinn 6 points7 points ago

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What did he name you instead

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points ago*

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Motha, duh.

[–]Jungle2266 4 points5 points ago

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What if your dads friend is reaally your dad

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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Yeah, my middle name is Rucker. My bf's still pretty sure that Rucker isn't a name and routinely goes straight to Fucker.

Hardy har har

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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I've had so many immature kids throughout my life say, "HEY GUYS LOOK, IF I ERASE THIS PART OF HER NAME IT SAYS FUCKER AH HA HA HA!"

[–]f03nix 2 points3 points ago

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Your bf sounds like a true gentleman.

[–]D0ug91 2 points3 points ago

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My last name is Guy, my sister was asked to change her name to Iwa Zaborna

[–]supersimpleman 2 points3 points ago

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My name was Jabba for a week until my mom had it changed to Joshua... how boring

[–]garlic_naan_bread 274 points275 points ago

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AHHAHAahahahah "UDDR" xD

[–]vindicated19 85 points86 points ago*

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god, your name sounds delicious right about now...

[–]supergauntlet 10 points11 points ago

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Garlic naan is indeed delicious.

[–]doesNotUseBackspace 12 points13 points ago

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RIS?

[–]theMidst 3 points4 points ago

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I believe it is intended to be pronounced "UHdurrrr"

[–]OLD_JAMON 109 points110 points ago

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I went to Fuddrucker's once in my life. It was right after our NCS water polo championship and I was starving. I absent mindedly ordered a one pound burger, not thinking of how much food it was. I just ate it all.

[–]FutureMeme2016 82 points83 points ago

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That story has everything: drama, suspense, action, and it all tied together in the end.

[–]banditthehorse 4 points5 points ago

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I've only been to Fuddruckers once in my life. I was about 13 years old. After I finished eating I went to the restroom, pushed open the door of the stall and started projectile vomiting. The door swung back towards me, interrupting the stream of vomit spewing from what had to have been the most inner depths of my stomach, and I received a shower of my own puke. On my way out, some poor employee walked in. I told him I was sorry and immediately headed out to the parking lot and waited 'til my family got a clue I wasn't coming back from the restroom.

[–]thepainteddoor 118 points119 points ago

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When I was a kid, my mother told me about this marvelous restaurant called Fudruckers. Best burgers around! Oh, the good times we will have at this restaurant, we'll leave when Dad gets home!

Dad gets home, hears the plan, snorts, and says "We're not eating at a place called 'Fudruckers'. End of story."

Sigh.. it sounded like burger paradise.

[–]PabloEdvardo 193 points194 points ago

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They have CHEESE SAUCE in a PUBLIC DISPENSER.

FREE CHEESE SAUCE.

HOW CAN YOU NOT WANNA GET RUCKED IN THE FUDD FOR SOME OF THAT ACTION?

[–]catpflug 37 points38 points ago

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Not to mention, for those of us into spiciness, they have jalapeno cheese sauce.

[–]AnusFelcherMD 35 points36 points ago

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You are a thrill seeker.

[–]RAANT 19 points20 points ago

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jalapeno's too spicy for your anus?

[–]HyeR 23 points24 points ago

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I doubt anyone else is using the cheese sauce that way.

[–][deleted] 24 points25 points ago

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hope

you hope he is the only one

[–]Dr-Farnsworth 3 points4 points ago

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Im done with the internet for today........................

[–]urwrngtrll 1 point2 points ago

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Don't you want to read more about people rucking their fudds with cheese sauce and jalapenos?

[–]ithinkiknowthatguy 9 points10 points ago

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Nice try, fuddruckers marketing team.

[–]edgeman4 36 points37 points ago

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Imagine choosing the burger, whether it be single or double beef, or chicken or if your feeling adventurous, buffalo, elk, wild boar, ostrich (where available). After receiving the burger you go to the condiments "salad bar" where you make the burger EXACTLY how you want it. Then imagine it is one of the best burgers you have ever tasted, and there you have it. Tell your dad he needs to man up and get himself some wild boar at Fuddruckers!

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]aedeos 10 points11 points ago

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buffalo is an insanely lean meat loaded with protein. Those fat kids could all stand to switch to buffalo.

[–]GaryDuder 2 points3 points ago

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Those fat kids could all stand

You assume too much.

[–]TesticleToe 23 points24 points ago

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When I was around 10 or 12, my mom was asking my dad and I where we wanted to eat. She was looking at one of those little maps that hotels give you and listing off the options. She said, "PuddFuckers" and I don't think I had ever laughed so hard at that point in my life.

[–]jewbacca117 11 points12 points ago

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my sister used to call it "RuddFuckers"

[–]milkycratekid 26 points27 points ago

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I'm from Australia and that term has a much larger political meaning.

[–]S3XonWh33lz 3 points4 points ago

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Do tell...

[–]milkycratekid 12 points13 points ago

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Our last Prime Minister was Kevin Rudd and he got royally fucked by his own party in an internal leadership coup... Still raw for some of us...

[–]darkmaninperth 4 points5 points ago

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Kevin Rudd. Our own stabbed in the back PM.

[–]jasmaree 13 points14 points ago

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It's all right. My mom didn't let us go because it was "like fast food but more expensive".

[–][deleted] 25 points26 points ago

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Isn't that what Five Guys is now?

[–]pifarm 46 points47 points ago

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As a non American, the first time I heard someone call the place "Five Guys" it really confused me.

I think the exact sentence was "im stuffed from 5 guys"

[–]HyeR 24 points25 points ago*

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My friend was eating there once and he answered his phone and said "I cant talk now, I got 5 guys in my mouth"

[–]Even_on_Reddit_FOE 5 points6 points ago

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Well, you would be stuffed from that, right?

[–]tyrghast 8 points9 points ago

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Five Guys: how to make a chain hailed as 'amazing' with the blandest hamburger possible.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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Hey now, Five Guys is amazing. And who doesn't love peanuts?

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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I love Five Guys, but that was a good description

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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It used to be. In the 80's / early 90's before for all this PC bullshit Fudruckers/Fudgepackers/Fuckruckers would hang an entire side of beef in the front window and waiting line. This was the actual meat that they used to make the burgers. Now it's all bullshit. It was the only burger in SoCal that could challenge IN-N-Out.

[–]projectretreat 47 points48 points ago

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I always thought that place was a gay club when I was a kid. Oh California, I miss you.

[–][deleted] 45 points46 points ago

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Do we want to know what you thought "world's greatest hamburgers" meant if it was a gay club?

[–]AkinaYamito 23 points24 points ago

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I heard you haven't had a burger until you have a gay man's burger.

[–]sas4740 17 points18 points ago

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I'm in uddr shock

[–]curt_schilli 11 points12 points ago

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HAHA It's funny because "uddr" were the missing letters!

[–]obeythed 16 points17 points ago

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The Gulf Coast of Florida has/had restaurants called Fuddpuckers. When I lived there, the slogan was, "you ain't been pucked, till you been Fuddpucked." Good damn food, though.

[–]roguewave 2 points3 points ago

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I used to eat here when I went to Destin.

[–]brownchickenbr0wnc0w 14 points15 points ago

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"World's greatest hamburgers, fuckers."

[–]benk016 10 points11 points ago

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I called it RuddFuckers once in the middle of class in middle school. Teacher didn't even notice it until everyone else said something.

[–]mescalito_bandito 4 points5 points ago

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This literally happened on the way to Baltimore for a field trip... my buddies dad (chaperone) asked very loudly something about "Ruddfuckers"....

My entire section exploded in laughter :P

[–]roguewave 8 points9 points ago

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not figuratively?

[–]mescalito_bandito 6 points7 points ago

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Nope!

[–]Snakster 6 points7 points ago

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It was tragic.

[–]SNewby 20 points21 points ago

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The way they put the meat in the buns is fucking FANTASTIC

[–]mrcharlietango 26 points27 points ago

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I bet that first 'D' was still lit, but it was so close to being perfect OP had to hang around. After a few minutes of waiting he decided he couldn't stand it any longer and threw a rock through the sign. Instant karma.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]little_bowski 7 points8 points ago

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When we were little my sister called it "fucker-uckers". I think it's better pronounced that way.

[–]RynoXD 12 points13 points ago

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I miss Fuddruckers, all the ones around me closed down, JALEPENO CHEDDER SAUCE EVERYWHERE

[–]scottagro 6 points7 points ago

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I live in Warner Robins, GA. Ours closed down as well and turned into a Mexican place, which I believe is required by any business that shuts down by way of city ordinance.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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I can die happy.

[–]greeneggsnkaty 5 points6 points ago

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I remember yelling in the car, "lets go to ruddfuckers!" to my parents when I was younger. classic spoonerism.

[–]Taldoable 76 points77 points ago

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It's like Fuddrucker's in Idiocracy XD

[–]turtlesarereallynice 141 points142 points ago

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Isn't it called Buttfuckers in Idiocracy?

[–]Yeugwo 36 points37 points ago

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That was my favorite part in Idiocracy: Fuddruckers->Futtbuckers -> Buttfuckers, with a little kids party going on inside

[–]fondlemeLeroy 21 points22 points ago

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Featuring Jerry Sandusky on the skin flute.

[–]PandaJesus 8 points9 points ago

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ಠ_ಠ

[–]amlight 156 points157 points ago

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Welcome to Costco, I love you.

[–]A_Mainstream_Hipster 64 points65 points ago

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THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR HANDJOBS

[–]poopsahoy 81 points82 points ago

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GO AWAY, 'BATIN!

[–]chrispdx 38 points39 points ago

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Its got electrolytes!

[–]cynicallady 35 points36 points ago

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Water? You mean like, from the toilet?

[–]A_Mainstream_Hipster 33 points34 points ago

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Carl's Jr. -- Fuck you, I'm eating!

[–]Red_Barchetta 21 points22 points ago

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The extra D is for a double-dose of pimpin'.

[–]chrispdx 20 points21 points ago

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You see, gentlemen... a pimp's love... is very different from that of a square

[–]JLG22 14 points15 points ago

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brawndo, what plants crave...

[–]olivermihoff 20 points21 points ago

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I know shits fucked up right now... - Herman Cain Elizondo Camacho. 2013.

[–]lawfairy 4 points5 points ago

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Holy shit, actual laughter. Well played.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]lawfairy 8 points9 points ago

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Who is Joe Bowers? I only know this guy Not Sure.

[–]MAC_TRUCK_HITS_BABY 18 points19 points ago

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You talk like a fag and your shits all retarded.

[–]WildRumpus67 2 points3 points ago

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What I'd do, is just like... like... you know, like, you know what I mean, like...

[–]Phish777 8 points9 points ago

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I'm gonna fuck all y'all!

[–]ForTheBacon 4 points5 points ago

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Ctrl+F "Buttfuckers"...and now it's in my history.

[–]Eurynom0s 2 points3 points ago

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Let's head over to Starbucks.

[–]SandmanDP 27 points28 points ago

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I like money.

[–]Stucifer2 16 points17 points ago

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You like money too? We should hang out.

[–]gtrplyr1122 8 points9 points ago

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I can't believe you like money too. We should hang out.

[–]IdiocracyReference 8 points9 points ago

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Fuck You! I'm eating!

[–]barnacle-station 4 points5 points ago

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That's the first time I'd ever heard of it, and when I saw it in real life, my mind was blown.

[–]acemnorsuvwxz 4 points5 points ago

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I never realized this was a real place until now.

[–]potato0 8 points9 points ago

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Now if only the G would go out in Black Angus

[–]StoopKid452 3 points4 points ago

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I have been waiting 21 years for this.

[–]drgreedy911 3 points4 points ago

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I like the part where it says F UCKERS

The other words are good. but that is the part that I like best.

[–]stormholloway 3 points4 points ago

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I once met the owner of Fuddrucker's on a television shoot I worked on for The Food Network. He said he thought of the name because he smoked a lot of good dope in the 70s.

[–]agmaster 3 points4 points ago

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Fucking FINALLY!!!! Everytime I pass one of those places at nite.

[–]Locutus-of-Borg 3 points4 points ago

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How many rocks did it take?

[–]minitrukr 12 points13 points ago

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I wish I could upvote this twice! I've dreamed of this since I was a child!

[–]codefocus 12 points13 points ago

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Reach for the sky

[–]Stucifer2 10 points11 points ago

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TIL FuddRuckers really exists.

While there are many real brands in Idiocracy, I always assumed that one was made up for the movie.

[–]KevinJD 7 points8 points ago

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Indeed. Delicious burgers. Not the worlds best by far, but good.

[–]Sizzleby 2 points3 points ago

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Can we get someone who likes probability to calculate the chances of this happening based on random letters malfunctioning compared to the number of chains operational? I could do it myself but I really hate doing probability.

[–]249ba36000029bbe9749 2 points3 points ago

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Does anyone else think that there is a teeny tiny chance that this could possibly have been shopped?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Brought to you by Carl's Jr.

[–]Thom- 2 points3 points ago

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Funny, useless fact: In Germany there's the biggest store chain named "Schlecker". You can add to their signs a "AR" in front, so you'll get "Arschlecker" which literally means asslicker. Germany is 357111 km² large and they have 15.000 stores. That means in Germany you could have a large asslicker sign all every 23km². In fact in most larger cities in germany you have one store every 500m²... so if you have some time and a spray can you could make Germany the country where you can get your ass licked around every corner.

[–]wayndom 1 point2 points ago

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...you think by accident? I have my doubts...

[–]chadbrochillent 1 point2 points ago

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Every time I drive by one of those I always pray I get to see that. You lucky son of a bitch

[–]slavetotheman 1 point2 points ago

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brought to you by Carl's Jr

[–]xardox 1 point2 points ago

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There's a sleazy hotel in San Francisco's Tenderloin (crack head) district called HOTEL ESSEX, whose sign I've seen burnt out so it read HOT SEX.

[–]dadoftwins71309 1 point2 points ago

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Every time I think of Fuddruckers, I think of Idiocracy and Buttfuckers.

[–]Andtheweineris 1 point2 points ago

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Longtime lurker but finally my first comment. I once walked into Walgreens and the "w" was out on the sign. When the teenage cashier rang me up I told him I saw their sign and asked when they got bought out by "Al Green"? He looked really confused, and I felt old.

[–]mqueener 1 point2 points ago

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Buttfuckers.

[–]buckinkaeding 1 point2 points ago

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WHICH LOCATION IS THIS???

[–]Rizuken 1 point2 points ago

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Immediately thought of idiocracy.

[–]udelblue 1 point2 points ago

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[–]Whompa 1 point2 points ago

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OUR GOD IS AN AWESOME GOD.