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WTF

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top 200 commentsshow all 217

[–]laldans 222 points223 points ago

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WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT IN YOUR HAND is all I want to say.

[–]LettersFromTheSky 53 points54 points ago

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Worst idea ever

[–]PyroKnight 1 point2 points ago

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It could be worse, he could have more than 1....

[–]R0SH 37 points38 points ago

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DO YOU WANT TO KILL US ALL???

Then again, the nutsack on that guy....

[–]TTTA 11 points12 points ago

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I'm amazed he can walk.

[–]maddawg579 34 points35 points ago

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[–]toolatealreadyfapped 6 points7 points ago

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I knew exactly where that was going to take me. I was not disappoint.

[–]hillbillyesq 2 points3 points ago

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I was sorta hoping for the gif with the wheelbarrow, but knew that couldn't be right because he's walking in it. This is also good though.

[–]maddawg579 1 point2 points ago

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The comment was begging for that video.

[–]lasveganon 10 points11 points ago

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I think it might be this guy.

[–]MuffinOnfire 2 points3 points ago

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His balls are forever the biggest

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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And are made of steel

[–]Synical__Sandwich 0 points1 point ago

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It better not bite you, I pray for that.

[–]Toodlez 99 points100 points ago

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Jesus. Like holding a grenade with no pin.

[–]pukeorama 27 points28 points ago

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How are you suppose to masturbate normally after holding that?!

[–]cawfee 17 points18 points ago

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Once you go Black Widow, you never go back.

[–]TheCodexx 8 points9 points ago

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You just made my dick tingle with fear and trepidation.

[–]JaybeGaming 49 points50 points ago

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Its eyes are glowing.

[–]pants6000 14 points15 points ago

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That must be its spider-sense!

[–]derangedhyena 79 points80 points ago

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I'm trying to assemble the mental steps necessary to want to pick up a black widow.

...I'm failing. Was it dead?

[–]MuffinOnfire 174 points175 points ago

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I think it went something like

Step 1: ???

Step 2: ???

Step 3: ???

Step 4: Pick up Black widow

[–]SHFT 70 points71 points ago

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and no profiting whatsoever.

[–]Mugumbe 14 points15 points ago

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Step 5: KILL IT WITH FIRE

[–]farfaraway 2 points3 points ago

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That sounds like the whole world profits.

[–]CuntSmellersLLP 2 points3 points ago

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Teach black widows to joust.

[–]joot78 21 points22 points ago

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In this context, I'm just going to mention that black widows (and many others) will play dead when they feel threatened.

Just popping in from r/spiders to say this is a bad idea.

[–]Fushigidane 4 points5 points ago

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I usually don't run with the 'it's a spider burn down the world' mentality reddit is disposed to. That said: I will never sleep again. Thanks.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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I will now add r/spiders to my router block list!

[–]Darksquid 0 points1 point ago

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Harsh, dude.

[–]maxs 1 point2 points ago

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God DAMN even with all the fucked up subreddits (looking at you spacedicks...) I truly can't believe this one exists. You guys must feel like the ultimate pariahs here on reddit with all this talk of fire and gasoline.

[–]joot78 2 points3 points ago

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I truly can't believe this one exists.

Why not? Arachnology is a whole field of scientific study, with research and publications ... and practical applications for humans. And yes, that meme has become rather tired and worn out for us. But people still appreciate our service of telling whether a spider poses any real harm. The majority of spiders do not. :)

[–]TlCKETS 24 points25 points ago

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Ain't she a beaut'?

[–]photonwrangler 9 points10 points ago

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You're alright mate!

[–]microfortnight 4 points5 points ago

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Crikey!

[–]Fig1024 3 points4 points ago

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what some people would do for karma..

[–]bautin 24 points25 points ago

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Big deal. So he has a grasshopper.

[–]hermanhansel920 18 points19 points ago

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It just wants to cuddle, guys. Chill the fuck out.

[–]futurelibrarian 2 points3 points ago

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It cuddles with its teeth!

[–]Rabid_Llama8 18 points19 points ago

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Why the fuck do I keep opening links that say NOPE!?!?!

[–]Just_Ice_Cream 7 points8 points ago

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Set it on fire, shoot it in the face then set it on fire again!!!

[–]Dekanuva 6 points7 points ago

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Shoot him AND cut out his tongue and then shoot his tongue!

[–]hillbillyesq 0 points1 point ago

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Don't worry, the orbital nukes are incoming.

[–]away_withthe_fairies 2 points3 points ago

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That'll only piss it off!

[–]Phantasmagory 25 points26 points ago

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YOU BETTER HAVE A BLOWTORCH IN THE OTHER HAND. Brave, brave man, sacrificing his hand to rid the world of a terrible thing. Reminds me of Dumbledore.

[–]AtomicDog1471 7 points8 points ago

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Or Luke Skywalker.

[–]myfajahas400children 1 point2 points ago

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Or Buster Bluth.

[–]l0lmon 2 points3 points ago

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Or Rand al'Thor

[–]Cerevus 31 points32 points ago

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Biggest balls of the year award goes to this guy!

[–]butterisbetter 29 points30 points ago

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[–]SyntaxTheFourth 26 points27 points ago

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[–]juhtray 2 points3 points ago

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I wonder what this guy did to get his huge nuts.

[–]futurelibrarian 0 points1 point ago

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He said "of the year." Calm down.

[–]Emmo213 0 points1 point ago

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Big difference between big balls and stupidity.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]SgtPsycho 10 points11 points ago

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See those two legs held up? It's calling 'Uncle', now put it down, fight's over.

[–]FVAnon 6 points7 points ago

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The red thing on his thorax says "don't do that"

[–]Darksquid 10 points11 points ago

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Kill it with fire! Run. Just run.

[–]crispyfry 4 points5 points ago

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Oh cool, I can see its eyes glow :D

[–]Herpinderpitee 5 points6 points ago

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So he grabs it.

[–]immortalagain 3 points4 points ago

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i have one as a pet. when ever i find a stink bug or silver fish or some other insect who doesnt belong in my house they end up in her tank.

[–]mrmadagascar 4 points5 points ago

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WHY.

[–]leo986 1 point2 points ago

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why? Why not?

[–]mrmadagascar 8 points9 points ago

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THIS is why

[–]Warphoenix1 4 points5 points ago

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His body was draped in spider webs and more than 200 spiders, several snakes, thousands of termites, and a gecko were feasting on his corpse.

NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE

[–]lasveganon 1 point2 points ago

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Fuckin geckos.

[–]immortalagain 0 points1 point ago

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iv always wanted one since i was a kid. i also work at a pet store so i have scorpions snakes and other fun things.

[–]a_jax 3 points4 points ago

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JUST got one of these off my door 10 min ago. Weird... It was the first one I'd ever even SEEN.

[–]hillbillyesq 5 points6 points ago

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They must be swarming...Oh god they are h

[–]a_jax 4 points5 points ago

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Where the hell's Jeff Daniels when you need him?

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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Time for another episode of "Good Idea/Bad Idea".

[–]Talon876 9 points10 points ago

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0 fucks given.

[–]Ni_hao 2 points3 points ago

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Found one of those bastards under a rock when I was three and caught it barehanded cause I didn't know what it was. Needless to say my mom freaked out when I walked inside and showed it to her.

[–]Phoequinox 2 points3 points ago

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Would you look at the hourglass on her!

[–]abumpdabump 2 points3 points ago

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Time keeps on slipping slipping slipping.... onto my finger

[–]Ublaga 3 points4 points ago

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WHY ON GODS GREEN EARTH IS IT NOT MUSH RIGHT NOW?!?!?!

[–]saruuuuuhhhh 1 point2 points ago

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How are you holding that? Very brave my friend.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Kourin 0 points1 point ago

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Immediately noticed that too.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Not even if that fucking spider was dead.

[–]ag3nt_cha0s 1 point2 points ago

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She's beautiful!

[–]pan0ramic 1 point2 points ago

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aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa alt-F4F4F4F4F4F4F4F4F4F4F4F4F4F4F4F4F4F4F4F4F4

[–]AethWolf 1 point2 points ago

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Last time I knowingly encountered one of those fuckers, I pulled out my BB gun and shot it. It was a most satisfying sight to see it basically explode.

[–]te_ogre 1 point2 points ago

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My Coworker does this except he throws them at people. Apparently if you grab the legs they instinctually try to land and spread rather than curl in and bite. Nobody shows Jonathan spiders anymore.

[–]civildisobedient 1 point2 points ago

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Kill it? Make it dead?

Folks, it's already dead.

[–]AlleywayAbortion 1 point2 points ago

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In Australia we have Redback Spiders, they're just like black widows except their venom is more severe and they hide under toilet seats

[–]Meathe 1 point2 points ago

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Pretty much any dark corner, really. They love wood piles and stacks of corrugated iron.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]RoosterUnit 0 points1 point ago

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Maybe no one cares about your pic, because they couldn't tell what it was. Your photo is out of focus and blown out. Its a black and red blur obscured by your ring and that sun on your fingertip.

Next time you get bit by a potentially deadly spider, take an extra minute and take a decent photo.

[–]Marley_S 1 point2 points ago

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NO, I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING PET IT!

[–]papi2papa[!] 1 point2 points ago

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JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!!!!

[–]SherryBobbins 0 points1 point ago

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Is this tubemonster Allie from Hyperbole and a Half?

[–]Erulastiel 0 points1 point ago

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Why would you hold that? I love spiders but that just makes me have to question your sanity.

[–]puphop 0 points1 point ago

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GOD HAVE MERCY ON YOUR PETTTY SOUL

[–]AsylumTeaparty 2 points3 points ago

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Gem

[–]deeperest 0 points1 point ago

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I watched it for 12 minutes, just to see if I could do something to save him when it finally got loose.

[–]synicalx1 0 points1 point ago

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Dear lord, make it dead!

[–]420foy 0 points1 point ago

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definitely, THE most 'NOPE' i've seen on here. good job :D

[–]khonasham 0 points1 point ago

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I really hope that's dead. Now, most of those time those things aren't too deadly. However, I have a friend that lost a foot due to a bad bite, and could have died from the infection if it progressed any further. Fuckers just aren't worth fucking with in my opinion.

[–]washthatbody 0 points1 point ago

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Anyone else see the red eyes?

[–]emptysuit221 0 points1 point ago

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You sir are a BRAVE man!

[–]Poogy 0 points1 point ago

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Aw she's very cute.

[–]yocxl 0 points1 point ago

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um... yeah... NOPE NOPE NOPE is a massive understatement.

[–]deathschool 0 points1 point ago

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not enough nopes.

[–]Puffington 0 points1 point ago

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GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE WITH THAT SHIT!

[–]jmsh44 0 points1 point ago

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D:

[–]phekylmadder 0 points1 point ago

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A little pinch between my cheek and gum . . .

[–]MetallicDragon 0 points1 point ago

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I'm not normally bothered by the spider posts, but this one made me shudder.

[–]sayrith 0 points1 point ago

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eat it

[–]sayrith 0 points1 point ago

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Okay there is stupid, and then there is STUPID

[–]HokeyReddit 0 points1 point ago

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Pass the controller bro

[–]WhtRbbt222 0 points1 point ago

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I usually love spiders (not sure what the big deal is, they eat all the annoying bugs), but in this case... I'm done.

[–]onlysaysfuckthat 0 points1 point ago

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FUCK THAT

[–]svenM 0 points1 point ago

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Hey thats one of the spiders from greedy spiders! don't let it eat any flies!

[–]kn0where 0 points1 point ago

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OMG, did it swallow a tack?

[–]deeeeeeeeee 0 points1 point ago

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Whyyyyyyyyy!

[–]ZeroZabre17 0 points1 point ago

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Opened link. Nope.

Nope. Nope. Nope. Will not sleep tonight. Nope.

[–]missalissa15 0 points1 point ago

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welp, time to cut that hand off.

[–]Untitledone 0 points1 point ago

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I hate those Black Widows... I have them all over the place. I would rather not get bitten by one!

[–]dirtymoney 0 points1 point ago

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this is the first one to actually make me jump. Because its being held in the hand!!!!

[–]jettbalasko 0 points1 point ago

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THE BALLS!

[–]TheRealEffinDeal 0 points1 point ago

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One bite wouldnt kill..id do it, he's kinda cute, in an ugly way

[–]Grimshadowace 0 points1 point ago

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I really hope that thing is dead.

[–]AngelHun 0 points1 point ago

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Motherofgod.jpg

[–]DulcisLuna 0 points1 point ago

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BALLS

[–]rabbledabble 0 points1 point ago

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I almost downvoted because of the extreme NOPE!

[–]Amphoric 0 points1 point ago

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burn em both!

[–]K8ers 0 points1 point ago

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My first response: "FUUUCK THAT!" My Second response: "Why in the hell would you do that?"

[–]relevantmetallica 0 points1 point ago

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Sleep with one eye open Grippin' your pillow tight

[–]wisewizard 0 points1 point ago

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Sweet zombie jesus put him down man he's getting angry, can't you see his eyes glowing!

[–]Greasy 0 points1 point ago

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I have always considered spiders my allies against the diptera. I also find some of them cute.

In all my time on Reddit, this is the first spider picture that made me wince.

[–]WolfRamHart 0 points1 point ago

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Rant Casey?

[–]twharton 0 points1 point ago

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My freaking sister used to catch them all day like that and put them in a jar. I think one time she had almost 20 in a single jar. No idea how she never got bit.

[–]Nyx_The_Night 0 points1 point ago

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I just noped the fuck away from my computer. I fucking hate spiders, let alone black widows.

[–]ametron 0 points1 point ago

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Why do I continue to click "NOPE" links. :(

[–]SlayingEnnui 0 points1 point ago

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Thanks a lot . Now I'm going to feel those sons of bitches crawling all over me all day.

[–]Baridi 0 points1 point ago

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Congratulations! What you have there is the infamous BLACK WIDOW. One of the most venomous spiders in the world. I'm not afraid of spiders, but it takes some REAL balls to pick up a black widow like that, considering one bite = long and painful death.

[–]EternalRose 0 points1 point ago

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Used to work in an outdoor theater. These things (and brown recluses) everywhere in the side stages. Also tarantulas, but they don't scare me.

[–]Baridi 0 points1 point ago

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Tarantulas, for their size, are barely venomous, if at all. They never scared me. My childhood arachniphobia only seemed to cover venomous spiders. Since I live in Iowa (Where every species of venomous spiders' habitats seems to converge) Aside from a few rare cases, 80% of spiders in my area are venomous in one way or another. So people thought I was just generally arachniphobic. Brown Recluse, Wolf Spiders, and Black Widows are all you'll find. I haven't seen a normal, non-venomous garden spider in years.

[–]EternalRose 0 points1 point ago

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Yeah, both Tarantulas and Daddy Long Leg Spiders wouldn't bother me. I usually would pick them up and carry them around. It depends on the Tarantula though. If they're in bad moods it's usually best to leave them alone. And I've also found that the females are less aggressive and easier to hold.

[–]Baridi 0 points1 point ago

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Still itchy though. I suppose it's because they're beefy. A lot of people find slender-legged spiders scarier than their larger, hairy counterpart.

[–]missdemeanor_ 0 points1 point ago

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Spiders creep me the F out, but I'm totally down with a tarantula. Idk what it is, they seem way less disgusting even though they're giant.

[–]Baridi 1 point2 points ago

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I never really thought of spiders as disgusting. Just had an unnatural fear of being bitten. But I know now that most spider bites can be anti-venom'd long before you die. Now I couldn't give less of a fuck.

[–]happybadger 0 points1 point ago

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In all fairness, its danger is way overblown. If you seek medical care before the venom gets into your muscles, which really just consists of anti-venom and muscle relaxants, it's not any more serious than a bad case of food poisoning. It can cause sharp drops in blood pressure and spontaneous miscarriage though.

[–]mra99 0 points1 point ago

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I'm pretty sure the thing is dead guys.

[–]ksandifer138 0 points1 point ago

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I'm finding spiders all over my house that have a brown/tan hourglass shape on their backs. The fuck are they.

[–]molkhal 0 points1 point ago

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Did you squish it afterwards?

[–]brasstrings 0 points1 point ago

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put that down

[–]SarahKSilverman 0 points1 point ago

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If you let it bite you, you'll turn into spiderman.

[–]MrSlipp 0 points1 point ago

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WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

[–]open_the_neXt 0 points1 point ago

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Burn it. Then napalm it. Then strap it to a nuclear missile. Then fire that nuclear missile at the Sun.

It's the only way to be sure.

[–]SpudsUlik 0 points1 point ago

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I had a strange feeling looking at that photo, I swear I could feel it crawling across my face! :-(

[–]DanglezMcgee 0 points1 point ago

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No no no no no NO!! Why?! The kitten inside me has died from the flame spewing from it's ears. p_p

[–]shitwhistle82 0 points1 point ago

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Seriously I'm not even trying to be funny. An honest question. How the FUCK did u do this? I literally freak if I'm within 10 feet of one. They are fucking ruthless. Is there a method or are u just bat shit crazy?

[–]ubnoxious1 0 points1 point ago

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What is this new meme (??) of saying nope nope nope? I always imagine a ducklip girl using her baby voice to say this. Where does it come from?

[–]wolfman1214 0 points1 point ago

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[–]Squealio 0 points1 point ago

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It's probably dead, but what weirds me out is the way it appears as though its eyes are reflecting light.

[–]wildgio 0 points1 point ago

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He wins the biggest balls of the year trophy.

[–]FotTheWuck 0 points1 point ago

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So I'm looking at this picture and I suddenly hear the spider talking in Gilbert Gottfried's voice saying "Go ahead! Let go of me just a little!"

[–]FotTheWuck 0 points1 point ago

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In other news... Firefox knows how to spell Gilbert Gottfried's name

[–]sambojomo 0 points1 point ago

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The only way that my brain will process this photo is to know that that spider is already dead.

[–]Jman460 0 points1 point ago

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I screamed.....glad I'm home alone right now. Why would he hold that.

[–]TheThingy 0 points1 point ago

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Oh look, a caterpillar! (If you don't get it)

[–]Abra_Used_Teleport 0 points1 point ago

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A grasshopper

[–]addyteddy 0 points1 point ago

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is that a FUCKING BLACK WIDOW ??????

[–]PennyRoyalSC 0 points1 point ago

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HOLY SHIT. This made me jump back and cringe.

[–]Darwinnotgod 0 points1 point ago

strange urge to take my feet off the floor...

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Captain_Higgins 5 points6 points ago

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'nope nope nope' is one meme that's been beaten to death, beaten some more

Just like the voice actress who popularized it

[–]baubry 1 point2 points ago

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Normally I'd say the same thing, but this is the only "NOPE NOPE NOPE" post that has legitimately made me cringe/made my heart rate rise.

[–]Skimtastic 1 point2 points ago

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"cliche"

[–]ComeWhatMay 0 points1 point ago

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That is the last thing that would go through my mind if I saw one of those is to pick it up haha

[–]bethrhymeswithmeth 0 points1 point ago

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::shiver:: you cray.

[–]tiffadactyl 0 points1 point ago

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0.0 are you a MAD MAN?!?!

[–]tasharabbit 0 points1 point ago

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Kill it!!!!

[–]jlakanen 0 points1 point ago

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That picture was on my screen for .286 seconds.

[–]frankhorriganlovesto 0 points1 point ago

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Dwight Shrewt: the mandible is totally controlled at the moment, there is nothing to fear.

[–]Gas_Death -1 points0 points ago

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KILL IT WITH FIRE

[–]GreenSpleen6 -1 points0 points ago

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you touched it? your body is contaminated, the only solution is for you to be burned as well.

[–]rockerode -1 points0 points ago

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Not sleeping tonight. Fuck you.

[–]NiccoHel 0 points1 point ago

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Be sure to shake out your bed sheets. I think I heard somewhere that most people are bitten while in bed.

[–]vapester 1 point2 points ago

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TIL never buy silk bed sheets.

[–]NiccoHel 0 points1 point ago

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Oooh, I had to think about that one for a bit! Clever clever!

[–]VDr4g0n 0 points1 point ago

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really? grow some balls man.

[–]nickateen -1 points0 points ago

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Not enough fire in the world to stop that from freaking me out.

[–]Standup2sitdown -1 points0 points ago

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you are now a black widow for touching it

[–]viasindios -1 points0 points ago

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WHY

[–]jstupack -1 points0 points ago

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screw you guys I'm going home.

[–]chowdergun -1 points0 points ago

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Like a BOSS

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

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I literally jumped. Was not prepared.