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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]mat101010 1000 points1001 points ago

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I assume this actually happened and when it did, the person slipped him a note saying "Der Weg zum Sieg ist durch Russland." (The path to victory is though Russia.)

[–]Mr_Titicaca 389 points390 points ago

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2012 Warner Bros presents...Hitler's Wallet.

[–]Concubicycle 574 points575 points ago

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Starring Nicolas Cage, as Hitler's Wallet...

[–]fiercealmond 274 points275 points ago

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That role has too much emotional depth...

[–]fbass 106 points107 points ago

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But not as many hair styles...

[–]fiercealmond 110 points111 points ago

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[–][deleted] 111 points112 points ago

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That is actually one of the few unedited photographs of Nicholas Cage in existence.

[–]cirquefreak 12 points13 points ago

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[–]Captain_Kuhl 40 points41 points ago

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2012 Pixar presents...Shenanigans with Hitler.

[–]spaten136 42 points43 points ago

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2012 Walt Disney Pictures presents... The Wallet... Directed by M Night Shyamalan

[–]fiercealmond 96 points97 points ago

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Turns out it was a purse

[–]Sketari 45 points46 points ago

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Its not a purse, its a satchel!

[–]TryingToSucceed 10 points11 points ago

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What a twist!

[–]ironw00d 3 points4 points ago

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Directed by Michael Bay, also starring Megan Fox as the young Eva Braun

[–]The_MAZZTer 297 points298 points ago

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This is the only correct answer.

[–]ROK247 469 points470 points ago

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take the condom out, put wallet back. he gets his date pregnant, has to settle down to a 9/5 office job to pay for healthcare, his life effectively over at 22. WWII NEVER HAPPENS.

[–]xtirpation 167 points168 points ago

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Don't take the condom out, he might just find another one. Poke holes in the thing.

[–]prodigium 300 points301 points ago

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Poking holes in a condom? What sort of sick twisted individual are you? It's a slippery slide friend, today you poke a hole through a condom, tomorrow, a man may have six million more mouths to fee... oh.

[–]Exempt_Puddle 108 points109 points ago

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hahahaahhahhah omg i shit all over my chair after i read this

[–]SleepNowintheFire 219 points220 points ago

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What the fuck?!

[–]amanitus 49 points50 points ago

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No, you may not judge him. His shit puddle is exempted.

[–]Lone_starstateofmind 1 point2 points ago

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I hope you washed your hands after.

[–]Jinnofthelamp 6 points7 points ago

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For a second I thought your name was excrement puddle and it was even more funny.

[–]Exempt_Puddle 8 points9 points ago

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Yeah dude, every thread I visit, I leave a my signature excrement puddle. Thats a lot of shit.

[–]Lazy_I 4 points5 points ago

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I guess you weren't exempt from that puddle?

[–]malaspinaOTT 60 points61 points ago

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Except in 1933 Hitler's a WWI vet so I guess healthcare is a non-issue.

[–]hazdrubal 45 points46 points ago

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"remember my words...Barbarossa."

[–]Vitalstatistix 14 points15 points ago

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Long troll winner.

[–]lurklurklurkPOST 833 points834 points ago

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2% chance of failure? (Opens Hitlers inventory and deposits Plasma grenade)

[–]themapleboy 713 points714 points ago

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Goddamm it, You can't just kill Hitler. Fucking rookies i swear.

[–][deleted] 445 points446 points ago

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Fuck it, let's kill Hitler.

[–]TimeWasterLord 488 points489 points ago

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Or just leave him in a cupboard and forget about him.

[–]NormallyAbnormal 144 points145 points ago

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" Is anybody else finding today just a bit difficult? I'm getting a sort of banging in my head."

[–]Aspel 94 points95 points ago

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That's just Hitler.

[–]badandrew 132 points133 points ago

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Everybody kills Hitler their first time around.

[–]reimburst 17 points18 points ago

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Context for those who haven't seen it.

[–]SomeBug 58 points59 points ago

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Not everyone. Obligatory

[–]PFisken 3 points4 points ago

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No, everyone kill the guy before Hitler the first time around.

[–]Teselecta 40 points41 points ago

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I'll come back for him in a few years.

[–]MissQuiteContrary 24 points25 points ago

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Until he eventually comes out of the closet. er i mean cupboard.

And you think a Time Lord, the Last Centurion and a girl who is able to remember people despite all reason multiple times would remember the simple fact that Hitler is still in the cupboard...sigh...

[–]jubydoo 8 points9 points ago

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You assume that, even if they remembered, they cared.

[–]MrCinemaXbox 7 points8 points ago

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When they finally found him, he was führerious.

[–]mb7472 3 points4 points ago

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Probably just as well, I imagine WW2 was a fixed point in the fabric of history for the TimeLord.

[–]Herp_in_my_Derp 3 points4 points ago

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55 minutes later. Wait... WTF HAPPENS TO HITLER

[–]themapleboy 125 points126 points ago*

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"Permit me to sum it up and save you the trouble: no Hitler means no Third Reich, no World War II, no rocketry programs, no electronics, no computers, no time travel. Get the picture?"

N008s always kill Hitler their first time.

edit: annnnd i just got the doctor reference... touche

[–]Ashmedai 57 points58 points ago*

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"Permit me to sum it up and save you the trouble: no Hitler means no Third Reich, no World War II, no rocketry programs, no electronics, no computers, no time travel. Get the picture?"

It's been tried!

In one branch of history, Einstein traveled back in time to Landsberg, Germany and caused Hitler's death. Without Nazi Germany to stand in the way of Stalin's ambitions, the USSR successfully formed a Soviet Union across the entirety of Eurasia. Eventually, the Soviets invaded the United States in the 1970's.

This particular time-dimensional bubble was particularly terrible. Upon review, I kept expecting glowing green crystals to start randomly growing around the planet, even though admittedly that was a different dimensional bubble altogether.

[–]SenorScience 18 points19 points ago

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I can't believe Red Alert first came out when I was in middle school.

You bring up an interesting point though. If given the opportunity to go back in time to kill Hitler, I would not do it as the fear of the unknown in what would transpire in history is far scarier than the reality we know.

[–]tarekd19 24 points25 points ago

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TIL Professor Farnsworth is a NOO8

[–]explosive_donut 15 points16 points ago

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To be fair he only killed elenor roosevelt

[–]Filburt_Turtle 55 points56 points ago

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Guys, guys, guys, come on lets just pay Hitler to go kill Hitler

[–]d3rsty 287 points288 points ago

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HITLER DID KILL HITLER

[–]bluereindeer 156 points157 points ago

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But he also killed the guy who killed Hitler. What a monster

[–]Tyrotoxism_ 7 points8 points ago

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Hitler was killed by a monster? Didn't catch that in my history classes.

[–]Doctor_Loggins 30 points31 points ago

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Obviously, he found the sum acceptable. I think it was something like 40 Deutsch Marks.

[–]pheelyks 18 points19 points ago

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Reichsmarks. Sheesh.....

[–]bbg2g 84 points85 points ago

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[–]modestlycocky 10 points11 points ago

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Thanks for this. It was truly entertaining :D

[–]subsequent 2 points3 points ago

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I just found something to do for the next hour while I wait for more blue links...

[–]jalvey 15 points16 points ago

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I did in Wolfenstein 3d

[–]Lampmonster1 46 points47 points ago

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Plasma is a little overboard. He's not even wearing armor. Frag aught to do it.

[–]Slick1 34 points35 points ago

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Why take a chance?

[–]Lampmonster1 162 points163 points ago

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Because I might NEED THAT LATER!!

This is why I finish all my games with fuckloads of ammunition. I'm a video game hoarder AMA.

[–]Wadka 56 points57 points ago

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I wish we had a support group. I invariably end up finishing a game without ever really using my really fucking epic weapons, because I'm always worried I'll use them up before the epic battle when I'll need them....

[–]40_lb 15 points16 points ago

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How does it make you feel when a game takes away your inventory half way through the game like in Half Life prime?

[–]Lampmonster1 27 points28 points ago

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Furious. I think it was Mafia 2 where halfway through you have a nice house, car and wardrobe for about one mission and the Irish gangsters come burn it all down. You spend the rest of the game living in a filthy apartment. WTF? I don't kill people so I can live like a junky!

[–]40_lb 14 points15 points ago

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You must love standing by bottomless ammo crates

[–]perry_cox 10 points11 points ago*

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Too Awesome To Use

Warning : Use at your own risk. Middle-clicking mouse is not reccomended.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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I'm assuming that someone did the same to Napoleon.

[–]midri 1781 points1782 points ago

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No, because at the time Hitler had done nothing wrong -- FUTURE CRIME IS A SLIPPERY SLOPE PEOPLE!

[–]helloimowen 1755 points1756 points ago

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Oh god! Where did my wallet go!

I... MUST KILL THE JEWS.

[–]Mako_Eyes 1015 points1016 points ago

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Hitler's douchebag friend: Someone totally Jewed your wallet, bro.

Hitler: NEVER AGAIN

[–]solidwhetstone 15 points16 points ago

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[–]Gebby254 662 points663 points ago

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This is exactly what happened. Sonofabitch. We gotta go back.

[–]Ki113dbysw0rd 432 points433 points ago

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WE HAVE TO GO BAAAAAACK!!!!!!!

[–]cdude 113 points114 points ago

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No, Jack.

[–]YardenGarden 66 points67 points ago

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Would Jack steal the islands wallet ? Would Hurley?

[–]TheCaptain88 10 points11 points ago

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Dude.....

[–]ChaChaBolek 303 points304 points ago

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WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

[–]ElGuano 395 points396 points ago

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WAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEETTTTTTT!!!!!

[–]pouterkeg 4 points5 points ago

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MOY BAAAYBAAAAAAAAHHH's wallet!

[–]TheCaptain88 72 points73 points ago

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THEY TOOK MY SON!

[–]CheesyGarlicBread 61 points62 points ago

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WHERE IS MAH BOY?

[–]Whispercry 3 points4 points ago

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GIMME BACK MY SON! - Mel Gibson

[–]SultanOfSandwich 3 points4 points ago

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VINCENT!!!!!!!!!!!

[–]The_Director 45 points46 points ago

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I miss Lost :(

[–]d3rsty 80 points81 points ago

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Can you imagine how much you could get at auction... ohh hooooot

[–]oneohtrix 130 points131 points ago

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I'll just ring up my buddy who specialises in Hitler's wallets and see how much it's worth.

[–]mrmailbox 322 points323 points ago

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I hope the wallet looked like this.

[–]boldtu 29 points30 points ago

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And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger......

[–]shiner_bock 65 points66 points ago

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...und I vill streik down upon zee viss great Vengeance und führious Anger...

FTFY?

[–]mrmailbox 3 points4 points ago

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FZFY

FTFY

[–]walrusbot 65 points66 points ago

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no ID in the wallet

[–]Jesustron 91 points92 points ago

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You can't prove it's acutally Hitlers wallet? I'll give you like 5 bucks for it. Chum Lee go write him up.

[–]YouGottaBeTrollinMe 21 points22 points ago

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Lemme call up my friend who specializes in all sorts of stolen Nazi stuff

[–]Angry_Table_Flipper[!] 23 points24 points ago

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"This is a genuine rare authentic Hitlers' wallet. It's worth quite a lot of money."

[–]Chicago31 26 points27 points ago

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Alright I'll give you $6, but that's as high as I can go.

[–]mr_midnight 24 points25 points ago

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No important ID. His library card could still be in there.

[–]Evilsmurf 58 points59 points ago

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[–]Strike3 4 points5 points ago

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"It's gonna sit in my shop for a long time and I'll have to wait for just the right collector"

[–]darkbulb 3 points4 points ago

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"Valued at $2500? Well, I need to make a profit, so I'll give you 50 bucks."

[–]P-Dub 14 points15 points ago

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Can you auction stolen goods legally?

I was under the impression that anything you claim to have been stolen is basically unsalable.

[–]yer_momma 19 points20 points ago

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must have fallen off of a truck

[–]Celda 255 points256 points ago

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FUTURE CRIME IS A SLIPPERY SLOPE PEOPLE!

No it's not, if you can time travel.

[–]needsmorepepper 361 points362 points ago

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MINORITY REPORT

[–]BusinessThrowawayAcc 613 points614 points ago

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REPORT MINORITIES

[–]asininequestion 430 points431 points ago

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TO THE PROPER AUTHORITIES

[–]SpinningHead 119 points120 points ago

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Is this part of that new law in Alabama?

[–]xj98jeep 147 points148 points ago

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|Is this part of the new law in Alabama?

FTFY

[–]TheResPublica 62 points63 points ago

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Is this This is part of the new law in Alabama?.

FTFY

[–]springyard 41 points42 points ago

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Is this This is part of the new law in Alabama?

I knew it. The Republicans were right all along.

[–]SamuraiEleven 8 points9 points ago

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Oh i get it. Its funny because we're supposed to be racist.

[–]PiGuy31415926 50 points51 points ago

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not, if you can time travel.

There was no time travel in that movie.

[–]AlterdCarbon 386 points387 points ago

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Yes there was. The characters moved forward through time at a rate very similar - if not identical - to the rate at which you and I move forward through time.

[–]jizzim 37 points38 points ago

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Time travel 1 second at a time!

[–]if_it_moves_kiss_it 50 points51 points ago

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Time travel 1 planck time at a time!

FTFY

[–]jurble 10 points11 points ago

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one second per second?

[–]Bored_At_Night 11 points12 points ago

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What's a time?

[–]oleoleoleoleole 102 points103 points ago

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Can't argue with that.

[–]pleasedammit 18 points19 points ago

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TIMECOP

[–]kabanaga 45 points46 points ago

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9! 9! 9!

[–]notthatguyTHATguy 32 points33 points ago

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4.77847258 × 1016

[–]SpinningHead 16 points17 points ago

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Even The Doctor knew better than to kill Hitler.

[–]scRp1 20 points21 points ago

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Poor Adolf can't spend his hard earned 40 Reichsmark on Das Spielboy

[–]sprankton 8 points9 points ago

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Considering the amount of material you had to work with, you really dropped the ball on this one.

[–]firecrackergirl 72 points73 points ago

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No, because it is NEVER ethical to do an unethical thing for no particular reason. If it would save someone's life, it's a totally different animal.

[–]-Peter 52 points53 points ago

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Careful with those absolute and universal qualifiers...

[–]coolcrowe 35 points36 points ago

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So it may sometime be ethical to do an unethical thing for no reason? Then what does ethical mean? Absolute qualifiers are justified here.

[–]nolemonnomelon 7 points8 points ago

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people on reddit are scared of absolutes, even when they are perfectly justified. I think it's because of that Star Wars line.

(as if moral relativism is somehow both better and entirely unproblematic)

[–]ImASoftwareEngineer 24 points25 points ago

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Precrime

[–]0nig 19 points20 points ago

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that's what she said?

[–]GnosticGnome 4 points5 points ago

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Hitler's brownshirts had committed a lot of violence prior to 1933. Nothing compared to what happened later, of course, but far from "nothing wrong"

[–]reststrahlenbande 3 points4 points ago

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well he did, in 1923 he tried the first time to putsch him into power http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beer_Hall_Putsch

while doing his time in prison he wrote mein kampf.

[–]ecksfactor 452 points453 points ago

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Steal it, then give it back with all money and say that you were on your way to the local Synagogue and found it in the street. Maybe that'll plant a seed in his mind to think twice about the Jews.

[–][deleted] 334 points335 points ago

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Actually what set hitler off (according to him) was how the damn banks fucked over people and the nation, and the banks were predominantly run by jews, he vowed that 'if they pull that once more I'm going to end them' and then they did it again, in his view'.

"the beauty of not knowing history is that you can enjoy a nice repeat"

[–]Martze 608 points609 points ago

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TIL Hitler would have supported Occupy Wall Street.

[–]Spiel88 90 points91 points ago

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Wall Street Putsch?

[–]VyacheslavMolotov 78 points79 points ago

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Occupy Germany, and Poland, and so forth . . .

[–]Homeschooled316 25 points26 points ago

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Please, please don't let Fox News see this.

[–][deleted] 201 points202 points ago

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Hitler would have supported Occupy Wall Street.

Yes, certainly. He fucked up so badly that everyone tried to distance themselves from him after the war, but his ideas about the economy were in the center-left range. In modern American terms he would be a "social conservative" and an "economic liberal".

The economic principles of the Nazi party were based on strong regulation of the economy, large corporations should be controlled by the state and private companies should always cater to the public good.

Hitler did not believe in the free market.

[–]finyacluck 140 points141 points ago

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Hence the term 'national-socialist'.

[–]FutureMeme2016 62 points63 points ago

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That was largely just a branding thing, as socialism was popular at the time. The "National" part was the more important of the two.

[–]goodbible 3 points4 points ago

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Hitler = Wall Street Genocide?

[–]Blackadderz 8 points9 points ago

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Funny considering how much funding, propaganda, and government support were lent to large corporations allowed to act largely of their own accord. If anything, the Nazis supported the corporate fat-cats of their nation and reveled in corporate success. The problem with Nazi ideology is that it was so ill-defined and broad, that it could/can be manipulated to support just about anything. So while Hitler preached to the working class about the idea of controlling corporations, he talked to the corporate heads and told them the exact opposite. He therefore mobilized support amongst both groups for his cause. Clever clever.

Edit: And he definitely would've crushed Occupy Wall Street and labelled it as a communist movement. He would have therefore gained the support of the 1% and raised the ire of 99% against the negative other of communism.

[–]Clayburn 3 points4 points ago

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TIL Occupy Wall Street would have supported Hitler.

[–]c0mputar 6 points7 points ago

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That's what he might have said... The reality is that he wanted scapegoats for every problem or imagined problem... The original scapegoat were the Bolsheviks... It just later became easier to stereotype Bolsheviks as Jews. Bolsheviks had zero role in the ills that angered Germans during post-WW1 years.

[–]rogueman999 5 points6 points ago

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The irony is that Jews were historically used by kings as bankers because 1. they were not pure Christians, and therefore they could charge interest without running afoul of any Christian precepts, and 2. because it was easy to let them get all the blame and occasionally confiscate their fortunes.

[–]FakeCurtisLeMay 24 points25 points ago*

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Uh... I'm hoping this is a joke. Hitler claimed that he started hating the Jews around 1910 or so when he moved to Vienna. That was a long time before the German economic crisis that followed WW1. Economic stuff had less to do with it than racial stuff (feeling overrun by Jews from the East, diminished purity of the blood and all that nonsense)

Other sources claim he was a fervent anti-semite even earlier - since childhood.

[–]Im_Sarcastic 117 points118 points ago

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My personal motivation to be able to tell the story of stealing Hitler's wallet would far out weigh any ethical obligations I might be caring about in that scenario.

Does that make me a bad person?

[–]Myrkull 43 points44 points ago

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hell, i'd steal the wallet from Ghandi if i could come back to present day and have that story.

[–]GitEmSteveDave 25 points26 points ago

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I wonder if Rick from Pawn Stars would buy it...

[–]noahnlsn 82 points83 points ago

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"I've got a buddy who's an expert in Ghandi wallets."

[–]GitEmSteveDave 2 points3 points ago

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If it's real, it could be worth big bucks. IF I can get it for a good price...

[–]JoelQ 15 points16 points ago

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I've got a buddy whose an expert on Hitler's wallets...

[–]MysteryHat 76 points77 points ago

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Mr chuck klosterman.

[–]PLECK 21 points22 points ago

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I would actually like to see Reddit discussions on all of the hypotheticals he posits in that chapter.

[–]BeanBone 18 points19 points ago

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[–]DiggerPhelps 5 points6 points ago

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Shut up and take my money, Amazon!

[–]VyacheslavMolotov 4 points5 points ago

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I did not, but now that I do, it's added to my christmas wish list.

[–]SangamonTaylor 28 points29 points ago

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Ctrl+f Klosterman sigh of relief

One of the best writers we have today.

[–]Bandit_ 3 points4 points ago

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haha I did the exact same thing. I love the discussion of The Sims and Time Travel in his books. I'd love a Chuck Klosterman AMA.

[–]AsaTJ 14 points15 points ago

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Klosterman FTW

[–]Damasticator 76 points77 points ago

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Here's what I would do:

  1. Steal his wallet.
  2. Pretend to have found it and then return it to him.
  3. Get invited to a kick ass party.
  4. Get really drunk and act the fool with the Führer.
  5. Wake up in a lab, missing my left shoe and the right leg of my pants.
  6. Walk of shame back home.

[–]IMasturbateToMyself 8 points9 points ago

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Here's what I would do:

  1. Steal his wallet.
  2. Jizz in it.
  3. Throw it at Hitler's face.
  4. ?

[–]nova20 52 points53 points ago

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Am I ethically obliged to? No. Would I anyway? Yes.

[–]ilikeflavors 94 points95 points ago

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JCVD's final exam at Time Cop Academy?

[–]Ali921 152 points153 points ago

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Dude, do your own homework.

[–]HaricotNoir 310 points311 points ago

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affect

FTFY

... unless it really did mean "effect," in which case STEAL HIS WALLET NOW

[–]wtfOP 66 points67 points ago

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That really bothered me.

[–]original186 94 points95 points ago

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It's Grammar Nazi meta.

[–]jerklin 31 points32 points ago

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me too. When it's printed in a book, it has a much bigger affect on me.

[–]alettuce 13 points14 points ago

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ಠ_ಠ

[–]iHateusernames1 20 points21 points ago

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Finally, I thought for sure this would be mentioned more often in this thread, especially with all the "grammar nazi" jokes that could be made.

[–][deleted] 97 points98 points ago

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under deontological ethics you do not steal the wallet because a) you cannot justify stealing and turning stealing into a universal moral law would cause havoc amongst the human population, and b) you would be using hitler as a means to an end rather than an end in itself.

under act utilitarianism the singular act of stealing the wallet would make you a little richer and happier while making hitler a little more poor and unhappy. i'd say it is a wash and since it doesn't actually improve the amount of happiness or increase the amount of sadness amongst the population, you do not steal the wallet.

under rule utilitarianism: given the rule "I will steal the wallet of a person I don't like or whom I believe is evil," it is unethical to steal the wallet because the amount of people having shit stolen from them would be huge while the amount of happiness would be minimalized by the amount of anarchy caused by this moral rule.

under social contract theory: I don't think rational people are thiefs unless some positive outcome comes from it. In this case, Hitler's rise to power and subsequent "evil" actions are not prevented thus there is no reason for a rational person to steal the wallet. Stealing because "it makes me feel good" is not a morally justifiable action under social contract theory.

Under virtue theory, I cannot believe it is ever virtuous to steal unless it is absolutely necessary. Stealing is not a trait that people require in order to live well.

So stealing hitler's wallet is not a morally acceptable action under any of the five aforementioned ethical theories.

I could go into more detail but I don't really care.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–][deleted] 25 points26 points ago

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Scumbag Reddit:

Says it promotes intelligence

Is anti-intellectual.

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points ago

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no. i have a computer science degree and taught computer ethics.

[–]olemartinorg 41 points42 points ago

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Absolutely not, don't make hitler even more pissed.

[–]LincolnSt 44 points45 points ago

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Steal the wallet. But leave a piece of paper with the Star of David on it in its place.

[–]tyler2k 60 points61 points ago

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So that's what happened!

[–]chilehead 11 points12 points ago

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Leave a receipt for it from Mussolini, with a promise to return it along with some really good wine, and an invitation to have a threesome with a hot spaghetti western starlet at his villa if he shows up there.

[–]Sarcasmancer 8 points9 points ago

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What book is this from?

[–]Skynne 9 points10 points ago

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The answer is no, you're not ethically obligated to steal it. It's not asking whether or not you would steal it.

[–]Griff_Steeltower 46 points47 points ago

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No, I'm not ethically obligated to.

But I would anyway.

[–]ModernRonin 4 points5 points ago

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This is the correct answer. ;D

[–]nutano 69 points70 points ago

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I've seen this several times before.

In short the question is this: is there any justification for petty theft?

I find someone stealing money to be able to feed their children have more of a valid and forgivable reason to steal rather than capitalize on this theft of Hitler's wallet.

[–]greycubed 69 points70 points ago*

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In short the question is this: is there any justification for petty theft?

No, the question asks much more than that, and is not focused on a particular act (theft.)

For one, it's asking whether you're a retributivist.

Edit: that wikipedia definition is incorrect. I took classes from someone who essentially leads the charge for retributivism in law and he would flip out at "with an eye to the satisfaction and psychological benefits it can bestow to the aggrieved party, its intimates and society." That's utilitarianism. Retributivism is all about balancing a scale of justice- even if it isn't a net plus for society.

Most people upon hearing the two descriptions will call themselves utilitarians nowadays. This Hitler's Wallet question is sometimes used to show we all have a little retributivist in us. It's used for other things as well, but this is the one I know something about.

Personally I think it's intellectually and morally bankrupt and just a vestige of emotional reactions we developed from living in tiny co-dependent communities for millions of years, but whatever.

[–]soulcakeduck 14 points15 points ago

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This Hitler's Wallet question is sometimes used to show we all have a little retributivist in us.

Don't go that far. I definitely answer the question with a resounding no. I'm not obligated to steal the wallet, nor would I.

[–]tossit22 10 points11 points ago

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FYI - You can edit the wikipedia article, so it will be correct for everyone. :)

[–]greycubed 4 points5 points ago

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But wikipedia doesn't give me internet points.

[–]elliot_t 17 points18 points ago

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I read an explanation of retribuvitism that rationalized it without the ugly revenge side to it. The author explained that punishment for punishments sake can be society's way of siding with the victim. Suspend your disbelief and think that there was no other reason to punish someone than simply because he did wrong to another. Someone against retributivism as a theory of punishment would argue that the offender should not be punished. However, even without any other benefit to society, punishing the offender would be a good thing to do because it communicates to the victim that we, as a society, are on his side.

That was the argument anyway. I'm not sure I totally buy it, but you know.

[–]greycubed 10 points11 points ago*

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A utilitarian WOULD want the person to be punished there. It's a net benefit to society.

The ugly side of pure utilitarianism is they'd punish you even if you weren't guilty if it brought enough victims enough satisfaction and/or had other benefits like increasing public trust in its government (provided there was not prohibitive risk of being caught in the lie.)

You're right not to buy the argument. It's dishonest. They're arguing against stupid, short-sighted utilitarianism or pacifism. They're not advocating retributivism. Essentially they're arguing for well-implemented utilitarianism.

[–]Logomac3 6 points7 points ago

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Ethically? No. Ethics are a social thing and are what make up laws, so you don't even have the ethical right to steal his wallet let alone an ethical obligation. Morally? Still no, you're not obligated to harm another human being no matter how slight or how evil. Are you vindicated, though? Kinda. I say go for it.

[–]farkdog 2 points3 points ago

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It sounds to me like nothing useful would be accomplished, so no, I would not undertake the action.

The sole outcome of stealing the wallet is that Hitler will be annoyed for an evening. Big deal.

Now, give me the option of blowing his head off, now you've accomplished something.

[–]bebop8159 3 points4 points ago

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You're only "ethically obligated" if you have foreknowledge of what Hitler will do in the next 12 years. If it is indeed 1933 and you are not from the future, then technically, you're "ethically obligated" to NOT steal a man's wallet!

[–]B92JOHNSON 185 points186 points ago

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Heil Yes! You're obligated

[–][deleted] 110 points111 points ago

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Think about what jew are saying!

[–]angrymurmurs 10 points11 points ago

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Ethically obligated? No.

Would I? Immediately.

[–]egglipse 2 points3 points ago

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Perhaps the constant harassment from the time travelers pushed him over the edge and caused his atrocities?

If you got your wallet stolen everyday by time travelers and you only got about 2 % of them, you would become quite a Nazi yourself.

So can we deduce now that the Jews end up discovering the time machine?

[–]LochRaven 6 points7 points ago

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From Chuck Klosterman's "Klosterman IV".

[–]knockturnal 6 points7 points ago

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Steal it and invest the money in a stock you know will grow (you're from the future) in the name of the Jewish people. Provided you do not need to return to the future, you can use your future knowledge to continuously move the money into stocks that will grow fastest. Eventually, you can give the money to people effected by the Holocaust who have lost homes, property, money, etc.