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all 173 comments

[–]Sagerian 196 points197 points ago

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"Well, I don't need safety gloves, 'cause I'm Homer Simp--"

[–]RollerDerby88 50 points51 points ago

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"Take, me out to the ball game... TAKE, ME OUT TO THE BALL! So what's new, Grimey?"

[–]down_vote_magnet 67 points68 points ago

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Can you believe that guy? He fell asleep inside a radiation suit.

Lenny: He had three beers at lunch. That would make anyone sleepy.

[–]Garren191 21 points22 points ago

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Frank: I mean look at him, he eats like a pig! Lenny: Nah, pigs tend to chew. I say he eats more like a duck.

[–]imaunitard 25 points26 points ago

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MARTIN Behold, the power plant of the future, today!

BURNS Yuck. Too cold and sterile. Where's the heart?

MARTIN But it really generates power. It, it's lighting this room right now.

He turns a knob, dimming the auditorium lights.

BURNS You lose. Get off my property. Lets have the next child.

Homer brings his model on stage.

GRIMES (calling from the audience) Look everybody! Simpson's in a contest with children.

LENNY Hey, shh!

CARL You're making us miss the contest.

BURNS Could you explain your model, young man?

GRIMES What's to explain? He's an idiot!

LENNY Pipe down!

HOMER Well basically, I just copied the plant we have now.

BURNS Mm-hmm.

HOMER Then, I added some fins to lower wind resistance. (pointing) And this racing stripe here I feel is pretty sharp.

BURNS Agreed. First prize!

Burns gives Homer a blue ribbon and some money.

GRIMES What?

CARL Way to go, Homer!

LENNY You're number one, Homer!

GRIMES But it, it was contest for children!

LENNY Yeah. And Homer beat their brains out!

The audience cheers wildly.

GRIMES Oh, I, I can't stand it any longer. This whole plant is insane. Insane, I tell you! Daahh! Aaah!

[–]tgunner 5 points6 points ago

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"Change the channel, Marge!"

[–]MusicMagi 3 points4 points ago

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R.I.P Grimey

[–]Silenced_is_Foo 2 points3 points ago

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Most depressing episode ever.

[–]rlvnt_simpsons_quote 0 points1 point ago

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I approve of this comment.

[–]Tyrotoxism_ 38 points39 points ago

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If I read like a boss one more time..

[–]RyVal 16 points17 points ago

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like a bass.

[–]numbski 6 points7 points ago

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Accurate in all the ways.

[–]diabloenfuego 1 point2 points ago

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SLAPPA DA BASS!

[–]Tyrotoxism_ 0 points1 point ago

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Pass.

[–]ineptjedibob 4 points5 points ago

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Hey, does anyone know that parody of the Slim Thug song, that one that The Lonely Island did? What was that called again?

[–]lunacraz 4 points5 points ago

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i believe you're talking about "Under Pressure"

[–]always-right 1 point2 points ago

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like a virgin.

[–]Asyx 1 point2 points ago

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Touched for the very first time.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Nailed it.

[–]LeDerpBau5MetaBacon 0 points1 point ago

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Why you mad bro?

[–]diabloenfuego 0 points1 point ago

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If I see one more person complain about a popular phrase one more time...

[–]7didnteat9 48 points49 points ago

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[–][deleted] 11 points12 points ago

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I prefer "Eaten and Killed".

[–]whtthfgg 4 points5 points ago

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This kills the shoplifter?

[–]AngelicDirt 2 points3 points ago

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Depends on how much of the person you eat.

[–]Fallensurvivorz 2 points3 points ago

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Something tells me it's safe to shoplift here, but I could be wrong.

[–]numbski 0 points1 point ago

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[–]TrustworthyAndroid 11 points12 points ago

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What was this warning label on?

[–]GLneo 7 points8 points ago

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Germicidal light of some kind, they use high-intensity UV-C radiation to kill bacteria and any other living thing that views it.

[–]microwavable 2 points3 points ago

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I'm really curious to know what the machine is, too. I tried an image search but it came out empty.

The only clues I had:

  • The word "authorised" uses a British English spelling

  • I don't recognize the "UV" safety symbol (since it's likely European), but the diagram makes it look like some sort of sterilizer. But the only UV sterilizers I've ever seen are about the size of a microwave; this looks to be considerably bigger. Especially since to be killed by it, one would likely need to walk inside or something.

In other words, I have no fucking clue.

[–]arabidkoala 5 points6 points ago

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Industrial sized. AKA melanoma in a closet.

[–]teganyavo 1 point2 points ago

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maybe some super sophisticated UV-vis spec? but those usually look like copy printers

[–]relativex[S] 0 points1 point ago

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It's an electrical supply cabinet for a UV curing system used in commercial printing. And you are correct, manufactured in Europe.

[–]Napkins 1 point2 points ago

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Is it this.

[–]mewse 10 points11 points ago

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Ultraviolent

[–]RyVal 2 points3 points ago

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Supercharred

[–]scrotum_spatula 11 points12 points ago

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Yeah death by UV rays is a bitch.

[–]always-right 10 points11 points ago

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If UV rays can kill, how come the entire cast of Jersey Shore still walks the earth, hmmmm?

[–]Crasha 2 points3 points ago

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No one knows.

[–]Rzr26 3 points4 points ago

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it's Aliens

[–]diskmaster23 -1 points0 points ago

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[–]nitnitwickywicky 3 points4 points ago

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Death? I was under the impression I would gain super powers?

[–]discogravy 14 points15 points ago

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you would: the amazing ability to die quickly and painfully.

[–]JasonZX12R 0 points1 point ago

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I think everyone eventually gains that sort of power.

[–]discogravy 0 points1 point ago

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not everyone dies quickly or painfully

[–]JasonZX12R 0 points1 point ago

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Indeed, it is a full set of powers. Everyone gets one of the four.

Dies slowly and painlessly.

Dies quickly and painlessly.

Dies slowly and painfully.

Dies quickly and painfully.

[–]GLneo 1 point2 points ago

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UV-C it ionizing, it will destroy your DNA like any other higher radiation.

[–]P4ngurB4n 0 points1 point ago

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I wonder what that would feel like? Severe burning?

[–]Zeppelanoid 64 points65 points ago

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Like a boss? This has nothing to do with a boss. Stop that. Now.

[–][deleted] 46 points47 points ago

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Stopped. Like a boss.

[–]brainfoods 9 points10 points ago

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I now find myself downvoting all instances of seeing it. It can be a struggle sometimes whenever the picture is actually good... but I'll stand by what I believe in.

[–]diabloenfuego 1 point2 points ago

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Downvoted for saying 'instances'...cause I see that word all the time (just kidding, I didn't downvote you and I can totally see your point). However; that being said, big whoop...it's a common phrase that is now widely used by anyone who uses popular slang in today's world. I never understand why things like this irk people. Life's too short to get angry at stupid shit.

[–]tomhon -4 points-3 points ago

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#Occupy/r/Funny

[–]Zeppelanoid 11 points12 points ago

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I also downvote hashtags.

[–]Irongrip 1 point2 points ago

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fuck hashtags.

[–]tomhon -1 points0 points ago

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#sobbing

[–]seeasea 3 points4 points ago

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Perhaps it is a boss' job to put up safety advisories.

So, any safety placard placed is "warning like a boss."

/devil's advocate

[–]numbski 3 points4 points ago

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Safety first, Picard.

/Q

[–]leoboiko 1 point2 points ago

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Having nothing to do with a boss is the original joke/meme.

[–][deleted] 31 points32 points ago

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I think women see this when they look at me..... Forever alone

[–]Richeh 23 points24 points ago

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...then stop killing women. ffs.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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or at least make it painless. Jeesh.

[–]BethBethBoFeth 4 points5 points ago

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But...if you can't touch it...how did they apply the do not touch sign?!

[–]Greyhaven7 0 points1 point ago

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The same way they did this.

[–]mannequine 4 points5 points ago

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They are not targeting the masochists' market properly.

[–]WillFerellsLoudVoice 28 points29 points ago

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SOUNDS LIKE A CHALLENGE. SOMEONE GET ME A BUCKET OF FRIED CHICKEN AND A THREE PACK OF CONDOMS.

[–]Carnival_Knowledge 9 points10 points ago

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Hey! It's all ball bearings nowadays. Now you prepare that Fetzer valve with some 3-in-1 oil and some gauze pads.

[–]tcmcqueen 9 points10 points ago

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[–]WillFerellsLoudVoice 2 points3 points ago

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ARE YOU SPEAKING SPANISH?

[–]CallsYouRacist -1 points0 points ago

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Why's he gotta be Spanish? Racist.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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What do you do when the conversation turns to animals?

[–]CallsYouRacist 0 points1 point ago

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Oh so now your relating Spanish people to animals, like some sort of subservient beings. Racist.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]holyerthanthou 1 point2 points ago

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Somebody didnt read the novilty account name.

[–]MrInopportune 3 points4 points ago

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Kenan? what do you need all that stuff for Kenan!? KENAN! awww here we go.

[–]sunshine-x 1 point2 points ago

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Oh will you're so random.

[–]tomhon 3 points4 points ago

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once visited a facility that loans out small generators to film students. owner recounted a story of how one kid from "some art school in the seventies" touched the end of the wrong wire and literally exploded into pieces. he ended the story by picking a golfball sized rock up off the ground, pausing, then saying- "the biggest chunk they found of him was about this big."

TL;DR death by shock = a very painful few milliseconds

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points ago

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[–]tomhon 2 points3 points ago

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That guy was full of shit.

what a relief! now i can finally relax around generators...

This guy touched a live wire that had enough juice in it to power a train and his body was only charred.

...nope nope nope nope nope

[–]Hristix 3 points4 points ago

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You wouldn't explode from a small generator, but there have been stories about electrical workers who get careless inside of substations or are in there during an equipment failure. For example, imagine shorting yourself across phases of a power plant's output.

[–]jgohlke 1 point2 points ago

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I really wish I could have NOT imagined that.

[–]Hristix 2 points3 points ago

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As an example, there's something called arc flash. Imagine, if you will, changing out high voltage high amperage electronic systems, live of course, and there's an electrical fault. Something shorts, something arcs, or something jumps. The heat from the resistance and force from the sudden magnetic field will cause metal to get very hot very quickly. So hot, in fact, that it can liquefy. Add to that strong magnetic fields and expanding gasses, and you suddenly have a face full of molten metal if you were working on that gear.

That isn't even necessarily in distribution lines. Just things like factory machines, large circuit breakers, etc. People have to wear special gear to stay safe. Look on youtube for arc flash to see some examples.

Now imagine instead of metal, it were a lump of flesh and water.

[–]jgohlke 2 points3 points ago

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AHHHHHHHHHHH!

[–]stareattheart 2 points3 points ago

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Lightning can do less damage to you than your regular outlet.

Frequency also counts, and not only amperage/voltage.

[–]Irongrip 0 points1 point ago

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There are people that have survived multiple lightning strikes. I'd go with lightning is way more survivable.

[–]stareattheart 0 points1 point ago

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Skin effect makes the high frequency much more tolerable, as it just goes over you and into the ground. Low frequency (the one in the outlet) can kill you much easier.

[–]rykmi 0 points1 point ago

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That was disturbing.

[–]duffles_ 0 points1 point ago

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You can see flames coming from him at different parts, while he lays there dead. So it must be a pretty good shock.

[–]Irongrip 0 points1 point ago

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Woah, talk about Darwin awards...

[–]dmurray14 0 points1 point ago

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calling bullshit. even if it was a 480 3-phase generator he probably wouldn't explode into pieces, but if it was a small one it was probably only 120.

[–]emiliodelgado 1 point2 points ago

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Only one way to find out...

[–]Chavagnatze 1 point2 points ago

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+1 for negative politically correctness euphemisms.

[–]kittiecat 1 point2 points ago

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Please tell me I'm not the only one who now really feels compelled to touch it. Damn OCD's.

[–]Worryaboutstuff 1 point2 points ago

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"Now I will kill you until you die from it."

[–]SpaceManDug 1 point2 points ago

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I learned how to use a pneumatic hammer this past winter. On the side there was a sign that read "CAUTION: ENGAGE BRAIN BEFORE OPERATING THIS MACHINE."

[–]Corporate_Suit 1 point2 points ago*

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Haha, awesome. I couldn't resist making one and slapping it on one of our servers.

[–]tcizzle21 1 point2 points ago

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I have this set as my windows login wallpaper

[–]RickyHayden 4 points5 points ago

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Is that what they are putting on J-Lo's vag these days?

[–]Xenc 14 points15 points ago

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That was a bit uncalled for. Jennifer Lopez is hot.

[–]TheyCallMeStone 4 points5 points ago

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Nice try, Jennifer Lopez.

[–]elperroborrachotoo 5 points6 points ago

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That's the lure put in place by her vagina.

[–]phylet -1 points0 points ago

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also she is a bitch.

[–]chrisch0731 0 points1 point ago

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Is this some sort of acid? Otherwise, I need no protection.

[–]diggemigre 0 points1 point ago

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According to the illustration it's a one armed bandit.

[–]HardlyWorkinDBA 0 points1 point ago

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But is it a slow death?

[–]racecarspacedinosaur 0 points1 point ago

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gratz on printing and taping a funny thing

[–]sameulwilly 0 points1 point ago

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Yeah right! Seems like Reddit is turning out to be the perfect place for sharing your true feelings about your boss'es.

[–]always-right 0 points1 point ago

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upvote for the creative use of the apostrophe in "bosses." wrong, but creative.

[–]sameulwilly 0 points1 point ago

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Thanks, it was intentional.

[–]no_i_ram 0 points1 point ago

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hurt so good.

[–]cykovisuals 0 points1 point ago

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Looks like someone is having a bit of fun with the laser engraver. Upvote for use of greyscale/halftoning.

[–]theOnliest 0 points1 point ago

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Then how did they tape the sign on?

[–]robotnixon 0 points1 point ago

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Ah, new box art for the movie Ultraviolet.

[–]severedfragile 0 points1 point ago

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That would make an awesome tattoo.

[–]RedheadedBanshee 0 points1 point ago

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This would make an excellent tag for Christmas presents. Sure would make the kids think twice before peaking inside!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Challenge Accepted...

[–]noagendaproducer 0 points1 point ago

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With a warning like that, I wouldn't touch it. Peeing on it on the other hand...

[–]austin713 0 points1 point ago

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Like a boss.... ಠ_ಠ

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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So... when do people outside of America use the letter z?

[–]the-fritz 1 point2 points ago

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when zleaping

[–]Bueller711 0 points1 point ago

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Rick Ross like a boss.

[–]norsurfit 0 points1 point ago

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Other label: Why don't you touch this panel over here instead? Sure, you'll die, but the death will be painless and instant!

[–]idma 0 points1 point ago

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A clear way of saying "If you touch this, life will suck"

[–]Tyrotoxism_ 0 points1 point ago

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1337 points

[–]For_Reals-a-Bub 0 points1 point ago

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Even funnier for spelling you're correctly.

[–]Greyhaven7 0 points1 point ago

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This kills the human.

[–]cstar4004 0 points1 point ago

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Lol. Good find.

[–]diamondcutters 0 points1 point ago

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I don't know why, but I have accidentally clicked this link 12 times today.

[–]dat1kid 0 points1 point ago

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This kills the boss

[–]RatatatRattata -1 points0 points ago

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Jokes on you, I'm 100% rubber.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]the_snook 3 points4 points ago

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Found this out the hard way in high school. We had the spark coil out for some experiments and I thought it would be fine to hold the wires in place with my hands because they had plastic insulation. Turns out 10kV is above the breakdown voltage of that plastic. Damned thing kicked like a mule.

[–]Mr_Metropolis 1 point2 points ago

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Obviously RatatatRattata is 100% super rubber, which never conducts electricity. Ever.

[–]RickyHayden 0 points1 point ago

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So I guess the joke is on him.

[–]always-right 0 points1 point ago

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...and I'm 100% glue, so whatever I say -- oh, wait a minute....Never mind.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

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They spelled "authorized" wrong.

[–]thetuxracer 4 points5 points ago

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That is the Queen's way of spelling words in English :)

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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TIL the queen makes signs.

[–]always-right 2 points3 points ago

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she thinks she's so fancy....spelling words any which way she feels like.

[–]carneval 7 points8 points ago

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[–][deleted] -4 points-3 points ago

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[–]test_alpha 6 points7 points ago

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[–]IMasturbateToMyself 0 points1 point ago

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gasp

[–]a1icey -2 points-1 points ago

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[–]DeafScribe 0 points1 point ago

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That's my new screen saver.

[–]CoolMoD 0 points1 point ago

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I do believe you mean wallpaper. It would make a lousy screensaver, what with one frame and all.

[–]missusedguy 0 points1 point ago

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In a awful movie review : dont watch it...... Not only it will waste your time........ It will haunt the whole time u live..... :(

[–]roronoazangetsu 0 points1 point ago

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I am only only person that notices the misspelling? authorized

[–]Loojay 1 point2 points ago

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ಠ_ಠ

[–]fireman007 0 points1 point ago

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No. I was looking to see if anyone else caught it. Before I said something

[–]mostlyJustListening 0 points1 point ago

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American English is not the only version of English in the world. It is not the even the original version. Btw, colour.

[–]fireman007 1 point2 points ago

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I agree it isn't the original nor the only but it is my favourite.

[–]aliengoods1 -1 points0 points ago

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Upvoted for the proper "you're".

[–]GatorSandman -1 points0 points ago

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That label should be on every woman

[–]DrunkInTheTrunk -3 points-2 points ago

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So. Someone took an old internet forward and printed it to use it as a warning label that doesn't satisfy OSHA's requirements. Of course, thus may be somewhere outside of OSHA's jurisdiction.

[–]a1icey 1 point2 points ago*

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http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/m5w81/warning_labellike_a_boss/c2ydkqa

edit: i don't know why i am being downvoted, since i linked to a comment that proves this is outside of osha's jurisdiction.

[–]fannyhead -1 points0 points ago

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[–]Pravusmentis -2 points-1 points ago

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It also causes a hive of bees to attack you.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

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amazing.

[–]squallor -1 points0 points ago

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I wonder who discovered this the hard way...

[–]mathuk -1 points0 points ago

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Did anyone else notice that "Authorized" is spelled wrong on the bottom?

[–]TheChiefRedditor -2 points-1 points ago

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Nice. What was that label on, a pack of cigarettes? It should be.

[–]PaxRomana_ -3 points-2 points ago

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Aggressive.

[–]MenorahMan -3 points-2 points ago

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Hurts so good.

[–][deleted] ago*

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[deleted]

[–]UltraJake 0 points1 point ago

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Dang, really? I didn't know I was required to get one. Can it be a temporary tattoo as long as I have a bunch of them?

Anyways, what tattoos did Muslims, Jews, and all the Polytheists throughout history get?