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top 200 commentsshow all 401

[–][deleted] 332 points333 points ago

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There was once a girl who had 69" boobs.. this was 2 2 2 much, so she went to the doctor who gave her 51 pills to take over an 8 week period.. after 8 weeks she was:

6922251*8 = 55378008

I can't remember basic history from the 7th grade, but this comes to mind instantly.

[–]i_practice_santeria 202 points203 points ago

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I tried to read this as a limmerick. disappointed.

[–][deleted] 293 points294 points ago

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There once was a poster on reddit

Who liked to get internet credit

He made a good joke

But your brain is now broke

Just like mine 'cause that's how I read it

[–]farsightxr20 69 points70 points ago

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Are you even allowed to rhyme reddit with read it?

[–][deleted] 85 points86 points ago

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I vote for yes.

[–]theloweraverage625 5 points6 points ago

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I vote for...UP!

[–]mabahoangpuetmo 8 points9 points ago

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clearly he was rhyming "read it" with "credit"

[–]DaHolk 14 points15 points ago

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AABBA much?

[–]touchy610 2 points3 points ago

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Why wouldn't you be?

[–]cuntfuckass 7 points8 points ago

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yep, thats sweet

[–]prabhbhambra13 39 points40 points ago

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that always happens when something starts with "there once was a Blank with Blank"

[–]Gemini4t 89 points90 points ago

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There once was a [person] from [place]
Whose [body part] was [special case]
When [event] would occur
It would cause [him/her]
To violate [law of time/space]

[–]chutem 7 points8 points ago

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Well played sir

[–]OBrien 1 point2 points ago

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You, sir, have eternally taught me how to limerick.

I salute you.

[–]MIXEDGREENS 1 point2 points ago

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Are you Jesus?

Do you want to be my Jesus?

[–]NBAallstar 17 points18 points ago

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Thank you, I was wondering why I tried to read it as a limerick as well.

[–]BrotherSeamus 58 points59 points ago

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There once was a girl with a 69" chest

She could never find a form-fitting dress

She contacted a physician

Who wrote her a prescription

Now people say she's boobless

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points ago

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You're meter is wrong. Irregardless I enjoined you're attempt.

[–]antonivs 11 points12 points ago

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Thanks a lot, now my grammar finger will be twitching for the next two hours.

[–]cultic_raider 2 points3 points ago

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Wow, "irregardless" cast some sort of refractory shadow over the entire balance of your post.

[–]speqter 1 point2 points ago

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Sounds legit.

[–]earbox 1 point2 points ago

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Your rhyme and meter are both suspect.

[–]Eriden 17 points18 points ago

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Nowadays with this joke they just pull up porn on their smartphone.

[–]TheHotness 6 points7 points ago

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I never knew there were all these clever calculations...our version was just typing in 55378808, 5318008, or 58008 directly...I feel so retroactively lame.

[–]sutherlandan 12 points13 points ago

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Our version was: "There once was a girl who had 69 boobs. She thought that was 2 2 2 many; she only wanted 51. She went to doctor X who gave her 8 pills, and the end result was: 55378008"

[–]crunkashell 93 points94 points ago

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5+5+3+7+8+0+0+8 = 35

35 x 26.0285714 = 911

911/100 = 9.11

boobless = terrorism

shame on you all for putting in the code for terrorism and triggering attacks on the USA.

[–]alabomb 6 points7 points ago

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[–]Sidevoter 14 points15 points ago

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69 boobs is way too many while 51 is a reasonable amount.

[–]trexmoflex 8 points9 points ago

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The one I learned was "Pamela Anderson wanted to 69, but she thought her boobs were 2,2,2, big, so she took 51 pills for 8 days and the result was 55378008"

[–]Schnaars 3 points4 points ago

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Damn. Someone parked that domain name.

[–]popson 1 point2 points ago

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My version was also similar. "There once was a girl whose boobs weighed 69 pounds. She thought they weighed 2 2 2 much, so she went to 51 Street to talk to doctor X. She had 8 operations which led to her being boobless."

[–]onewingedangel 5 points6 points ago

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The version I learned goes like this:

"Pamela Anderson's breasts were 69 lbs and that was 2 2 2 much, so she went to 51st street to visit doctor X and had 8 surgeries. Now she's 55378008

[–]dotlizard 10 points11 points ago

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Meh, basic history is so ... basic. But this is useful knowledge that will last lifetimes. You will be able to entertain your children with it, and they will entertain theirs, this is knowledge that has a future.

[–]jonathanrdt 4 points5 points ago

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Provided of course that calculators have a future. In my house, I could not tell you where one is.

[–]zelmerszoetrop 6 points7 points ago

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I could. Start -> All Programs -> Accessories.

[–]jonathanrdt 1 point2 points ago

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And good luck turning that over to complete the joke.

[–]cultic_raider 1 point2 points ago

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I hope you are on a tablet or at most a laptop.

[–]timperry42 10 points11 points ago

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1 16 year old had 69 with 3 guys. She was pretty

11669*3= 35007

[–]human12incher 5 points6 points ago

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You can't get loose just by 69ing...if you know what i mean

[–]vnkid 16 points17 points ago

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Unless your partner is this guy.

[–]jtjin 5 points6 points ago

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Man, I never realized how hot Jesse was until now ...

[–]hotasmonkeys 1 point2 points ago

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[–]MaverickTopGun 2 points3 points ago

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I don't get it

[–]Durfee 3 points4 points ago

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Me either. I have no idea what's going on and I love it.

[–]Blakwulf 1 point2 points ago

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I still don't get it.

Oh.. is it just that it's shaped like a game controller? Really?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Upside down on a calculator it spells "boobless"

[–]Sashieden 2 points3 points ago

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I started singing that to the tune of the Crash Test Dummy song "Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm". It mostly worked out.

[–]werak 5 points6 points ago

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Mine was:

"Dolly Parton had 69" boobs, which was 2 2 2 big for a 51 year old. So she went to Doctor X and got 8 pills, and now she is 55378008."

[–]gabstah 1 point2 points ago

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Mine was similar. "Dolly Parton weighs 69 lbs that was 2 2 2 much. So she went to 51st St, to see Dr. X for 8 weeks and he said we're going to have to make you..." BOOBLESS!

[–]mahacctissoawsum 1 point2 points ago

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[–]notic4lyf 1 point2 points ago

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My grade's version which I now realize is ridiculous:

There was once a girl with 69 boobs, she had 2 2 2 many boobs. She met a guy on 51st street who ate (8) all her boobs, now she's 55378008

[–]garbobjee 1 point2 points ago

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My brother told me it this way when I was younger:

There once was a woman with 69 boobs.

She had 2 2 2 many boobs,

so she went to doctor X on 51st street and he ate all of her boobs...

[–]MacChavy 30 points31 points ago

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Office Max is selling this for competition http://i.imgur.com/N199U.jpg

[–]craiger 8 points9 points ago

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they've got their buttons backwards though: the control pad is always on the left. they FAIL

[–]geographyWizard 1 point2 points ago

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The race is on.

[–]DoWhile 108 points109 points ago

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You gotta pay an additional $9.99 for the Trig DLC.

[–]soulcakeduck 18 points19 points ago

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If their authentication servers go down, you're not allowed to do math at all, even in single player or without the calculator.

Makes them a very popular ddos "hacker" target.

[–]VeteranKamikaze 81 points82 points ago

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I work at Staples. For the months of the back to school sale this karma was sitting there at work every goddamned day and I never even thought to take a picture. Well, good for you, enjoy it.

[–]The_Dacca 24 points25 points ago

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from another staples employee...you get an upvote.

[–]Jakobbb 18 points19 points ago

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and another....

[–]fersuremaybe 16 points17 points ago

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and one more.

[–]chromofilmblurs 13 points14 points ago

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I didn't realize there were so many of us here...

[–]jpeg22 17 points18 points ago

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WOW! That's a lot of staples employees!

[–]ajworf 8 points9 points ago

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oh wait, another.

[–]Infidel6 11 points12 points ago

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another one here. 10% associate discount on all upvotes!

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]TheLighterDark 5 points6 points ago

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Just to keep things going... I also work at Staples.

[–]ranzLbsgiS 3 points4 points ago

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I know a guy who once worked at staples. Does that count?

[–]ajworf 3 points4 points ago

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everything counts.

[–]beefstick86 2 points3 points ago

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And another. I saw this post and was pissed to see so much karma on something that lays in a dump bin.

[–]yodamaster103 1 point2 points ago

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AND MY AX!!

[–]AutoBiological 6 points7 points ago

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This is probably the only other time I'll see Staples employees on Reddit. You guys enjoying sharkweek?

[–]VeteranKamikaze 4 points5 points ago

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Wtf is shark week?

[–]AutoBiological 2 points3 points ago

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I think that's what they call the weekly vibes. When they're like "Staples has teamed up with HP, choose the correct sku on the register for remanufactured ink!"

[–]VeteranKamikaze 2 points3 points ago

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I hate vibe so fucking much.

[–]rathat 2 points3 points ago

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Me too! 1256 represent

[–]NickyNichols 1 point2 points ago

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and you would've posted it 3 times and gotten -3 Karma, and said forget it, and this guy would come and post it and....Oh the magic of Reddit.

[–]Riffine 38 points39 points ago

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Just think of the possibilities, though!

You could play SNAKE!

[–]zzzacs 32 points33 points ago

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SNAKE? RESPOND

[–]JustThinkingAboutIt 9 points10 points ago

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Badger! Badger! Badger! Badger!

[–]SWEGEN4LYFE 5 points6 points ago*

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OH SHIT, I'M TALKING INTO THE WRONG MICROPHONE.

[–]demengrad 4 points5 points ago

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MUSHROOM. ABORT, ABORT!

[–]Nudist-On-Strike 4 points5 points ago

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SNAAAAAAAAAAKE!

[–]Gargarbinks[S] 18 points19 points ago

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Or spell 8008!!

[–]kdubb666 12 points13 points ago

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or 1134

[–]daghostoutside 1 point2 points ago

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Or 554

[–]thisaccountisbs 2 points3 points ago

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1337?

[–]watchpigsfly 1 point2 points ago

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No, 1134 flips calculator hell.

[–]spartacus- 9 points10 points ago

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What do the shoulder buttons do?

[–]Wootai 7 points8 points ago

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On and Off.

[–]Gargarbinks[S] 17 points18 points ago

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Get you into college?

[–]burntsac 3 points4 points ago

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Barrel roll.

[–]Psythik 1 point2 points ago

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Aileron roll. ಠ_ಠ

[–]EvilEmperorZurg 7 points8 points ago

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What a horrible user interface.

[–]RidePlanet 85 points86 points ago

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You call that a calculator? This is a calculator!

[–]theramennoodle 32 points33 points ago

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[–]cgo435 42 points43 points ago

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Dude, that is a gaming machine. You can run Doom on it.

[–]teh_al3x 19 points20 points ago*

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Source?
Because I really would like to play Doom while in math class...
Edit: I'm getting that on my nSpire right away!

[–]Atheist101 5 points6 points ago

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fuck man, some asshole stole my NSpire like 2 days ago. Fuck that asshole, this shit costs like 200 dollars :(

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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if you have a decent android smartphone and a rom of your calc you can use andy graph to emulate a TI calc. Works well for me. glgl

[–]Atheist101 1 point2 points ago

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holy shit I have an HTC MyTouch, this just might work!

[–]cgo435 9 points10 points ago

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Woah, really? I just made up that comment on the spot because I was really fucking high. That is awesome. I wish I had an nSpire.

[–]teh_al3x 1 point2 points ago

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There's even Doom for TI-83/84!
Sadly, I have the nSpire CX and therefore no possibility of installing ndless (which is needed to play Doom) :(

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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it will be interesting when future kids are playing halo on their calcs...

[–]rathat 16 points17 points ago

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[–]CJ_Guns 7 points8 points ago

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What in god's name?

What features does that really have that eclipse the seemingly standard Ti-83/84s besides hardware?

[–]MayoMark 1 point2 points ago

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Tons of stuff. It has a Computer Algebra System that will damn near pass all high school math classes for you.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]alez 6 points7 points ago

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Judging by the picture the knowledge on how to make displays that crappy still lives on.

[–]RidePlanet 7 points8 points ago

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The world of advanced calculators is maintaining the price of 20 year old technology.

[–]oboewan42 4 points5 points ago

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So do you want the one with backwards compatibility, the one with a CAS, or do you want the TI89 which has actual programming capabilities?

[–]Islandre 6 points7 points ago

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Whichever one is guaranteed to not go back in time and kill me as a child.

[–]mokeymanq 4 points5 points ago

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[–]jasmaree 12 points13 points ago

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OMG, it's a Ti-89. In my Calc class we act like giddy little 60s schoolgirls waiting to see the Beatles when someone pulls out one of these babies.

[–]RidePlanet 2 points3 points ago

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It has saved my life on many an engineering assignment. That and wolfram-alpha.

[–]clubdepizza 43 points44 points ago

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Sometimes I just pull out my TI-83 and worship it.

[–]funkmastamatt 106 points107 points ago

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That's the strangest masturbation euphemism I have ever heard.

[–]HyruleanHero1988 21 points22 points ago

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[–]csnsc14320 4 points5 points ago

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You know, I've always wondered why someone would put their monitor sideways like that. I would think that having it landscape style would make reading and viewing things easier and more natural, whereas having it upright like you have it would make things more difficult. What is the benefit of that? Coding, perhaps?

[–]HyruleanHero1988 3 points4 points ago

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I have a landscape monitor, and that one is for pdf's mostly, as well as other random stuff like pidjin or vlc. I'm a student, so when I have to do a lot of assignments, it really helps to have the portrait orientation screen for pdf's and stuff. This is my setup.

[–]csnsc14320 9 points10 points ago

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Best calculator out there, hands down.

[–]jettrscga 5 points6 points ago

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My Circuit Analysis professor swore that calculator alone could get an A in his class. He normally said that after the class average was failing on each of his tests, but it definitely wasn't the calculator's fault.

Mine has gotten me through electrical engineering, I don't know any engineer at my university who doesn't have one.

[–]Atheist101 9 points10 points ago

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lol at my uni, we arent allowed calculators on any math test and just basic casio style calculators for science tests

[–]HZAres 11 points12 points ago

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well prepare to die of awe

[–]wanttosnugglewithjew 8 points9 points ago

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Math (Pi)mp

[–]Incalite 10 points11 points ago

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Yeah, baby, solve for X...

[–]latino_steak_knife 1 point2 points ago

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Yeah that's the stuff... Let me take your derivative so I can lie tangent to your curves

[–]BigDildo 7 points8 points ago*

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No. This is a calculator. ...I actually still use mine sometimes. Bought it in 1995

edit: I use a ti-30x (NOT the slow, solar one) everyday for most calculations, because if I accidentally drop it or don't have time to change the batteries, I have three more ready to go....They're only $10 a piece, so who cares.

[–]Crocodile_Dundee 5 points6 points ago

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That's not a calculator. THIS is a calculator!

[–]lemonpjb 8 points9 points ago

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I'm sorry, but that is clearly a watch, sir.

[–]genghistong 1 point2 points ago

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its funny because my math department doesn't even allow calculators for any type of assignment or test...

...little do they know, a little thing called wolfram alpha solves everything. (i'm sure they know.)

[–]vladoman 4 points5 points ago

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I see you've played kifey-spooney before.

[–]Crocodile_Dundee 2 points3 points ago

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If there's a better game than this, I haven't heard of it.

[–]vladoman 1 point2 points ago

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How are you enjoying life in the Big City?

[–]JlyGrnGiant 11 points12 points ago

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5318008

[–]iusedtogotodigg 1 point2 points ago

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BOOBIES

[–]drockers 4 points5 points ago

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I almost went to college because of this calculator.

[–]CantWearHats 4 points5 points ago

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[–]majinjohnny 3 points4 points ago

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This must be a MadKatz controller.

[–]DocAwk 4 points5 points ago

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Is it nerdy to want a TI-89 housed in an xbox controller shaped shell?

[–]kneegrow 5 points6 points ago

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Math. Not even once.

[–]jonvox 2 points3 points ago

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This reminds me of a time in fifth grad when I got my friend to stop playing Pokémon cards cause I told him they reinforced his math skills.

[–]manmalade 3 points4 points ago

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watch out PS3!

[–]Bill_The_Whale 1 point2 points ago

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Hey, I have one of those! The person who gave it to me gets mad that I don't use it in class.

[–]Mortiss45 1 point2 points ago

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Did you preorder yours? I see a collector's edition button.

[–]tekno45 4 points5 points ago

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I got the multiplication DLC at Gamestop.

[–]anon0618 1 point2 points ago

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Too bad math will never be as fun as a video game (unless it is a video game, in which case that is just fucked)

[–]Konchshell 1 point2 points ago

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Math: Still Not Fun

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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[–]58lespaul 1 point2 points ago

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Many nerds died to bring us this calculator...

[–]BusinessPreposition 1 point2 points ago

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This is so wrong...everyone knows that "equals" would be the right trigger!

[–]brilliantNumberOne 1 point2 points ago

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It is not a scientific calculator.

Therefore, why even bother?

[–]Stallyn19 1 point2 points ago

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This is one of the worst ideas i have ever seen...even worse than this

[–]A_User 1 point2 points ago

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A 13 year old girl had 84" boobs, but she only wanted 45" so the doctor said "0 (oh), take 2 tablets", but instead she took them 4 times and that left her....

13844502*4=55378008

I heard this version here the UK when I was 12.

Does anyone know the origin for this? It seems present throughout the entire English speaking world.

...And that goddamn 'S' symbol drawn from 6 parallel lines.

[–]Null_Reference_ 1 point2 points ago

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Pshhh, mouse and keyboard calculators are SO much more accurate than controller calculators.

This is for casuals.

[–]Jooshbag 1 point2 points ago

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I wonder if anyone will get in trouble at school for using one of these, being mistaken for playing a game.

[–]OneWhoHenpecksGiants 1 point2 points ago

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I...must have one of these!

[–]kaylaism 1 point2 points ago

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Nothing will make math fun. Nothing.

[–]FalconTheory 1 point2 points ago

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Not even whores?

[–]Dive_Up 3 points4 points ago

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I honestly prefer my scientific calc... I feel lost without it

[–]BrotherSeamus 1 point2 points ago

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RPN, bitches.

[–]TheBakula 3 points4 points ago

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Want!

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Pyrojoe333 1 point2 points ago

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ctrl+F easy... damn! have an upvote

[–]mattsl 1 point2 points ago

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I just realized that I should be much more careful when I consider pressing Staple's easy button.

[–]IHaveTeWeirdestBoner 1 point2 points ago

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I have the weirdest boner.

[–]Viper_H 1 point2 points ago

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It's maths, but thanks for playing.

[–]strangeapple -1 points0 points ago*

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People think that math is boring because they haven't heard of Monty Hall problem, Prisoners and Hats puzzle or Hilbert's Paradox.

EDIT: just remembered few other good math/logic puzzles: 100 prisoners and a light bulb problem, bottle and cork cost puzzle and the famous knight and knaves puzzle.

[–]RobotBuddha 2 points3 points ago

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To go along with that, I'd say it's more that high school math tends to frown on the kind of creativity found in those. Instead, it's all about rote and doing things in a certain way "because".

[–]qwertymaster 0 points1 point ago

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I would hit the CE button during the middle of a long process of addition EVERY TIME.

[–]sandozguineapig 0 points1 point ago

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What happens when you press LL?

[–]Kynaeus 0 points1 point ago

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If they wanted to sell this to gamers they probably should have arranged the numbers as one would see them on the numpad. Any other configuration confuses me

[–]7ate9 0 points1 point ago

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up up down down left right left right BA select start!

[–]AnalBurns 0 points1 point ago

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LOVE THE URL BRO

[–]AmatureHour 0 points1 point ago

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I am an accountant and a gamer, I must have this.

[–]original_4degrees 0 points1 point ago

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[–]Fucha 0 points1 point ago

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Nah, Microsoft just got Atari to design their new hand held :P

[–]54kiLightning 0 points1 point ago

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That's actually kinda cool.

[–]prettybunnys 0 points1 point ago

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This thing was almost accidentally purchased by nearly every back to school shopper. Kids wanted it and threw it on the counter. After 50 minutes of hell, 15 minutes of line and 100 bucks worth of back to school shit they didn't even notice.

Gotcha.

[–]johnkong 0 points1 point ago

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Staples has a lot of cool calculators like this and they're all like 99 cents.

[–]Jfinn2 0 points1 point ago

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I have that calculator. Why didnt i think of that???

[–]DogDay 0 points1 point ago

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Hand Models these days are getting worse and worse.

[–]Standardsppl 0 points1 point ago

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If only my watch did all that..

[–]maxman3000 0 points1 point ago

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Why are the most important buttons where your palms should be? For shame, Staples... for shame.

[–]lovely869 0 points1 point ago

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Scumbag Math.

[–]betaboxx 0 points1 point ago

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my body can not stop convulsing after seeing this

[–]localanti 0 points1 point ago

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Where is the Y button

[–]Ridly 0 points1 point ago

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Damn son, math looks all fun and shit now!

[–]Siktrikshot 0 points1 point ago

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It it bugging anyone else that + isn't on top of the dpad? Or that - isn't opposite if it. Darn you brain!!!

[–]taytortot 0 points1 point ago

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That was easy.

[–]tumog 0 points1 point ago

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WHAT DO THE BUMPERS DO!@#$##@&(#%&(%$ I MUST KNOW :D

[–]sandaboy 0 points1 point ago

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Nice try, Staples

[–]LordGavin 0 points1 point ago

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It's weird but I kinda want one.

[–]BoojiBoy 0 points1 point ago

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Anyone else having a problem with imgur? None of the pictures will load. That means, more or less, that reddit is down too.

[–]DDDowney 0 points1 point ago

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We used to sell those at our Staples

[–]EnglishBulldog 0 points1 point ago

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I laughed really loud as I connected everything a little slower after a long day's haze.

[–]OnWisCarlos 0 points1 point ago

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i stared at this for a good 5 minutes trying to figure out what was wrong with it. then i figured it out. ugh.

[–]vnkid 0 points1 point ago

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I can just imagine someone actually trying to solve some problems with it and getting distracted by the fact that it's shaped like a controller, subsequently failing every math test for the next few weeks.

[–]FaithInMe 0 points1 point ago

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It's cordless, just like the real thing!

[–]Clayburn 0 points1 point ago

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While we're on the subject, what the fuck is CE? I thought C was "clear", and maybe it's not. But why is one button C and another is CE? So confusing! And we're not even at the math part yet.