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I had an intestinal flu last week. Now my friends won't stop sending me things like this... (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by amandaxsan

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[–]awprettybird 21 points22 points ago

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People just don't use the word "shat" enough anymore.

[–]malilla 5 points6 points ago

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aye

[–]zoidberg1339 1 point2 points ago

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Ditto for pantaloons.

[–]Southbayblog 11 points12 points ago

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That sucks mate. Did you really shit your pantaloons?

[–]amandaxsan[S] 24 points25 points ago

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No, never! Girls don't poop their pantaloons! ...I did shit my skirt though. Facepalm.

[–]Pyro627 7 points8 points ago

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Wouldn't it just fall out, then...?

[–]amandaxsan[S] 10 points11 points ago

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Through the magic of physics and pure luck, no such travesty occurred. I won't go into details, for the sake of man and womankind...

[–]CactusA 6 points7 points ago

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Now you are just making us more curious.

[–]rabidanimals 14 points15 points ago

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If I may be so bold as to elaborate:

Fecal matter, the solid waste produced by the body during defecation, was expelled by amandaxsan through her anus. She had little or no control over this act due to her illness; not without some surprise, she released the aforementioned feces at an inopportune time. Due to social expectations, amandaxsan had covered her lower body with a skirt and presumably some form of underwear.

The feces, due to gravity, was pulled downward after expulsion, and collected in her underwear. Because there was no force pulling the feces outward, it stayed in her underwear, saving her from further embarrassment.

Goodnight.

[–]load_more_comets 2 points3 points ago

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Gestalt! Gut es war, nicht explosiven Durchfall.

[–]Honey_Otter 1 point2 points ago

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It says a lot about me that 'Durchfall' is one of the few words I still remember from german class

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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mmmmmmm

[–]caelumquirk 9 points10 points ago

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This picture will always make me laugh. Always.

[–]WolvesAtOldGilsDoor 8 points9 points ago

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The longer you stare at it, the more you laugh.....

[–]NoSalt 5 points6 points ago

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The intestinal flu is the most disgusting thing that has ever happened to me ... EVER!!!

[–]midbc 3 points4 points ago

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you should try having Clostridium difficile........you don't know what you're missing

[–]Bagel 3 points4 points ago

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So now you are telling the internet you shit yourself? Ballsy.

[–]amandaxsan[S] 5 points6 points ago

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Not the whole internet, just my dear friends of Reddit.

...I know, I can't believe I did it either.

[–]Bagel 1 point2 points ago

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I think we can keep a secret.

[–]neonknightz 0 points1 point ago

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HEY EVERYONE! amandaxsan SHAT HER PANTALOONS! WHILE ILL!

I THOUGHT EVERYONE MIGHT LIKE TO KNOW!!

...There, you go, now most of the internet knows....

[–]ATG77 11 points12 points ago

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Here, hopefully this will cheer you up.

[–]candacelaine 1 point2 points ago

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I laughed just as hard!

[–]aaronrenoawesome 0 points1 point ago

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Oh, Jesus- I laughed waaaay harder. Oh man, I wasn't ready for that... Jesus...

[–]barrowsx 1 point2 points ago

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So, I guess you want them to stop sending you SHIT like that?

Hahahahaha! Hehe... Sigh, I'm not funny...

[–]fan_22 1 point2 points ago

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MISNOMER!!!!

[–]myangryinch 1 point2 points ago

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Sir Feathering Walthamstone. Man, I miss those videos.

Cockfoster!

[–]SecondGuy 1 point2 points ago

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People are sleeping in my house and I'm trying to hide my girly giggles.

[–]aaronrenoawesome 0 points1 point ago

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Same here- and I assume we're both men.

[–]Jadenlost 1 point2 points ago

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Worst thing that ever happened to me (illness wise)! I was 5 and I still remember the hospital stay.

[–]gumper 10 points11 points ago

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That's nothing. When I was in 7th grade I had perhaps one of the most embarrassing hospital visits I can imagine. It causes me to cringe to this day. It was late at night and my family and I were all in the living room watching some documentary about asia and shit on national geographic channel. My stomach began hurting really bad. So I crawled into fetal position and rubbed my tummy...that didn't work so I rolled over raised my butt into the air and tried to fart as hard as I could....nothing. While I was lying in bed my stomach began hurting worse and worse to the point of tears. I crawled downstairs and told my mom my tummy feels like it's going to explode. Fearing it might be appendices she took me to the hospital (this is around midnight).

We get to the hospital and all the rooms were full so they use a closet as my makeshift room. The doctor asks me a bunch of questions and I tell him my stomach hurts. They want to do a scanning on me to see what it is. They get there little x-ray machine and whatnot and scan my stomach. The doctor rolls his eyes, the nurse tries to hide a smile, and my mom has a look of sheer embarrassment in her eyes. What they saw was a gas bubble the size of my stomach.

The doctor leaves the room and tells my mom that when the gas clears up were good to go, they give me a gas-ex and then leave. I began to burp, and occasionally fart. Then I feel a gurgling in my stomach. I let out a tiny cough, sit up and spew a slimy, thick, pink geyser of vomit the likes of which that closet had never seen, like I went full exorcism on that biatch. It reached the walls, it got on the floor, it got on the ceiling, it got on the door, it got everywhere...except the throw up bucket.

A nurse hears the ruckus and runs in, she caught a wife of the stench and covered her nose, looked like she was about to puke and then ran away, leaving my mom to clean up my mess while I wallowed in my own filth. On the way out I managed to snag a lollipop from the main desk.

TL;DR: HUGE GAS BUBBLE, VOMITED EVERYWHERE, DOESN'T MATTER GOT CANDY.

[–]Lizbeanism 5 points6 points ago

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How many wives does your stench have?

[–]Drawtaru 1 point2 points ago

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I only read the TL;DR, and it seemed like the candy made it worth while.

[–]Jadenlost 1 point2 points ago

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Haha! When I went to the hospital that night, a doctor came into my room and wanted to look at my throat. My mom warned him that I had a very sensitive gag reflex. He proceeded to shove the tounge depressor down my throat. I vomited all over him, filling the pockets of his lab coat and all over his nice shirt and tie ( as he had neglected to button the lab coat at all.)

He ran out of that room so fast. The nurse came in and took one look at the mess and we told her what happened. She just laughed and said that it served him right.

[–]TheSuaveSlav 0 points1 point ago

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Don't worry, ive had intestinal disease. my friends and i joked so much about it xD

[–]mischiefismychicken 0 points1 point ago

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Also had a lovely batch of a similar flu, clean pants though

[–]SexiestSexist 0 points1 point ago

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Babby!

[–]nakolas 0 points1 point ago

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THIS IS MAKING ME SHIT IN MY PANTALOONS!! That made me laugh nonstop for a good two minutes. My fiance thinks im crazy.

[–]tankezord 0 points1 point ago

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I think they call it flu because is like sneezing with the behinds. Just a thinking.

[–]jzlharvey 0 points1 point ago

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If true, you have good friends to hang w..

[–]amandaxsan[S] 0 points1 point ago

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I wish it wasn't true, believe me. Destroyed a perfectly good pair of underwear... :c

[–]adelav 0 points1 point ago

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classy, indeed.

[–]oldzealand 0 points1 point ago

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You mean Gastroenteritis?

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