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top 200 commentsshow all 445

[–]scotch_dick 342 points343 points ago*

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His balls were probably sticking to his legs, and there were too many people around to discreetly adjust them.

[–]allyourphil 277 points278 points ago

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That explains the look of complete satisfaction

[–]angrymole 188 points189 points ago

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That Breeze

[–]yrgrlfriday 101 points102 points ago

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Sea Breeze

[–]TrustworthyAndroid 29 points30 points ago

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0RM_NWPO90

This goes with the image too well.

[–]yrgrlfriday 15 points16 points ago

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Snaaaaaake Eater

[–]dwaxe 12 points13 points ago

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There was no breeze.

~ Directed by M. Night Shyamalan

[–]Fribrip 7 points8 points ago

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I feel sorry for his balls. Balls don't like attention in public (thus the speculation that he was discretely adjusting them), now his balls are the subject of public pubic discussion.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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This, sometimes I wish it was socially acceptable to just stick my hand deep down under and rearrange my poor squashed gentleman.

[–]CSI_Photo_Enhancer 207 points208 points ago*

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[–]IAmDoingItForScience 17 points18 points ago

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Wild limbo dancers? Well done, another case solved.

[–]fenroar 6 points7 points ago

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my upvotes, have them all!

[–]scotch_dick 1 point2 points ago

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brilliant.

[–]this_isnt_me 21 points22 points ago

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sometimes you just gotta air that shit out

[–]anal_violator 30 points31 points ago

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Women will never now this kind of satisfaction...

[–][deleted] 25 points26 points ago

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i was going to agree and then i saw your username. a little disturbed now :)

[–]Sudtle 11 points12 points ago

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I think you're being username-ist, redbeng, if that is you're real username....

[–]abstroniam 3 points4 points ago

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Unless they air out their vaginas/boobs....?

[–]thatalbatross 1 point2 points ago

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Yes (to both), we do. And it feels fantastic.

[–]totes_anony463463463 1 point2 points ago

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Women have their own problems bub. You may be interested to know that when we're a bit on the dry side the lips can get twisted around, especially when we drop into a sitting position with a bit too much flair. Have you ever seen a dog with its ear folded inside-out? It's a bit like that. Very pinchy and unpleasant.

[–]jonnyrotten7 4 points5 points ago

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*discreetly

[–]clintmccool 6 points7 points ago

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maybe he adjusted them one by one.

[–]AndyRooney 5 points6 points ago

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He's doing it wrong. It is a well established fact that gaseous emissions breaks down ball sweat. And the sea breeze would almost assuredly allow him to utilize Plutarch's old axiom, the one that smelt it surely dealt it.

[–]thrillhouse1980 1 point2 points ago

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Shouldn't his ankle cuff be hanging down instead of up?

[–]mequals1m1w 1298 points1299 points ago*

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[–]GrieferSutherland 77 points78 points ago

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[–][deleted] 13 points14 points ago

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Man I love reddit.

[–]cieltsd 2 points3 points ago

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I find this satisfactorily erotic.

[–]Bad_Boyl2 1 point2 points ago

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I love you.

[–]GrieferSutherland 2 points3 points ago

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brohug

[–]Phreaker21 1 point2 points ago

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HaH Reddit FTW I love you guys ;-)

[–][deleted] 173 points174 points ago

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The ship is capsizing and not a fuck is given.

[–]ghettobrawl 11 points12 points ago

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[–]DLXII 31 points32 points ago

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I think the weight of his balls are the only thing keeping him balanced.

[–]enhance_that 93 points94 points ago

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I think you have no idea how balance works.

[–]gaze 33 points34 points ago*

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There is a metal tube that extends down the side of his leg to which it is strapped, through his shoe, making a Z bend through the hollow banister and then off frame about 8 feet. His balls are threaded through this tube and dangle at the end of it, and counterbalance him.

CASUAL!!!

[–]xdewx 1 point2 points ago

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DLXII gets an F for F-ort.

[–]confederacy 1 point2 points ago

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Maybe his balls were so big that they ended up collapsing into a black hole, effectively giving him two assholes except the new one has negative gravity.

Also, he can now shit standing up as it immediately gets suctioned into it.

Casual.

Edit: It was because of the weight (also mass) of his balls.

[–]Unrelated_Gif 62 points63 points ago

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[–]CombatCow 25 points26 points ago

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What the fuck is that?

[–]Seelymike 51 points52 points ago

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an unrelated GIF

[–]CombatCow 8 points9 points ago*

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Is there a video of it?

[–]OldTimeGentleman 14 points15 points ago

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[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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This is from SNL

[–]Anindoorcat 2 points3 points ago

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no, just 2 gifs.

[–]Linelor 27 points28 points ago

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[–][deleted] 34 points35 points ago

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I don't understand what I'm looking at.

[–]Hyperactive_Filly 16 points17 points ago

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You are looking at what seems like a 3 pixel image.

[–]eyecite 1 point2 points ago

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Spiderboat.gif?

Also, fewer*

[–]johntheemofag 1 point2 points ago

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I really wish you'd explain what the fuck I just bore witness to. It was beautiful, but I am left with the lingering disappointment of not understanding.

[–]Linelor 1 point2 points ago

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I really wish I could

[–]johntheemofag 2 points3 points ago

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So you made this but you have no idea what it means? That's.. that's beautiful.

[–]Linelor 1 point2 points ago

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I'll admit I found it while doing an image search.

At this site: http://www.b3ta.com/board/10070156.

I don't know what any of it means.

[–]johntheemofag 2 points3 points ago

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Wait, so, someone else.. found this

and

did

oooo baby, baby it's a wild wooorlllddd

[–]hallowedsouls 1 point2 points ago

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The main thing that disturbs me: The shirt in the background that changes color

[–]RandomJokes 56 points57 points ago

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Why don't oysters give to charity? Because they're shellfish.

[–]Wordwench 33 points34 points ago

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Wait. I thought that's why Sean Connery didn't share his seafood?

[–]jasperpaddles 6 points7 points ago

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[–]zibiduah 7 points8 points ago

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The first movie I ever saw in English was The Rock.

For years afterwards I was convinced that a Scottish accent was just like BBC English, only with sh shoundsh instead of s sounds.

[–]SweetNeo85 5 points6 points ago

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If you had watched The Hunt For Red October then you would have thought it was a Russian accent.

[–]TheLoveKraken 1 point2 points ago

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Nobody ever seems to realise Connery has a speech impediment. I'm from the same town as him and I've nhever heard anhyone elshe that shoundsh lhike thish.

[–]ejecto 1 point2 points ago

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[–]Epenth 13 points14 points ago

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shefood

FTFY

[–]ElMangosto 2 points3 points ago

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Not that random, nautical theme.

[–]MadManMax55 1 point2 points ago

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Do the two people in the background have gravity boots?

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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They give even less of a fuck.

[–]DeweyFat 73 points74 points ago

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[–]whtthfgg 15 points16 points ago*

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Awesome...you imgur link is pronounced "Be Fuckin"...nice one

[–]Garren191 16 points17 points ago

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Are... are you Terry Gilliam?

[–]nickrulz11 10 points11 points ago

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You're doing gods work son.

[–]silent_mind 6 points7 points ago

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Relevent: Check out this http://www.duluthtrading.com/store/mens/duluth-ingenuity/fire-hose-workwear/86125.aspx they have a special crotch and the shots to show it off had me crackin up.

[–]Aszuul 4 points5 points ago

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I could use a pair of those... but how awesome would it be to model for that shot, potentially millions of people could wind up staring at your junk.

[–]silent_mind 1 point2 points ago

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Or lack of junk. LOL

[–]Aszuul 2 points3 points ago

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that hurts you know...

[–]Jessthinks 1 point2 points ago

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Less ouch when you crouch.

[–]paper_machete 22 points23 points ago

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Ahhhh. The internet.

[–]kagayaki 6 points7 points ago

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I wonder if I'm the only one reminded of qwop looking at the animated version?

[–]A-punk 30 points31 points ago

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What's really happening.

[–]iamamemeama 37 points38 points ago

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Can someone do the math on the velocity of the fart that must come out of the guy's ass to overcome his weight?

[–]Altaco 185 points186 points ago*

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Very well.

Let's assume he weighs, say, 80kg. Thus, since g~=10m/s2, we need 800N of force.

Here, lowercase v = velocity, uppercase V = Volume. I don't feel like typing greek characters, so density will be p.

The force from, say, a rocket, is equal to v*dm/dt, or velocity times the amount of mass ejected per time.

density is equal to mass/volume. therefore, m=Vp.

Substituting into our original equation, we find that F=vVp/dt

V/dt is the volumetric flow rate, or Q. Q is equal to the area of the opening times the speed of the gas escaping: Q=Av.

Plugging in again: Av for V/dt: F=vpA*v -> F=pAv2

We now have everything we need! Just solve for v: v=sqrt(F/pA)

Let's say that this fart stretches the man's butthole to a diameter of 2cm->1cm radius->.01m. Being circular, A=pir2 = 3.14(.01m)2 = .000314

p=density of air=1.275kg/m3

Plug n chug: v=sqrt[ 800N / ( 1.275kg/m3 )( .000314m2 ) ]

v=1414m/s

This is roughly 4 times the speed of sound.

By volume, this is 444 liters/second. This man could fill the Hindenburg in just over 5 days.

Note: go ahead and check my work, I very well may have cocked something up. This was calculated without respect to the large pressure gradient such large flatulence would create, and thus should be considered as an idealized estimation in a vacuum.

[–]DefinitelyHittingOnU 122 points123 points ago

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Yup looks like math. All clear here.

[–]nolarbear 4 points5 points ago

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God damn it. This is why I love Reddit.

[–]jayteeayy 35 points36 points ago

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Read two sentences. Upvote.

[–]iamamemeama 7 points8 points ago

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Does this mean there should be a sonic boom on the fart?

[–]COOKIEEE 3 points4 points ago

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4 SONIC BOOM!

BOOM!BOOM!BOOM!BOOM!

[–]blueberrywine 3 points4 points ago

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Man I'd sure hate to be the poor soul who takes a whiff of that one while walking by.

[–]The_lolness 1 point2 points ago

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Yes ಠ_ಠ

[–]foolsfallacy 11 points12 points ago*

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Actually since farts aren't composed of regular air, wouldn't you have to use the density of methane instead? The density of methane is about 0.668 kg/m3 at around room temperature. This would mean that the fart would have to shoot out at about 1952.95 m/s to equal his weight.

Regardless, very amusing response. Thanks for doing all the work so I didn't have to. THIS, my friend, is why physics (the mechanics part of it at least) is fun.

EDIT: Scratch that. Apparently, farts, like air, are composed of mostly nitrogen. Pretty similar composition to air plus 0-10% methane gas. So the density would be a little less than air, but not as sparse as pure methane. TIL.

[–]WeCameAsBromans 2 points3 points ago

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Upvoted for "cocked something up." I've seen a lot things get cocked up, but never a physics problem.

[–]scartonbot 2 points3 points ago

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Does anyone else think it's funny that the equation could be re-written as v=sqrt(F/Ap)?

[–]Mnementh2230 1 point2 points ago

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That's what I was thinking.

[–]ThatDrunkViking 1 point2 points ago

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Done before, but upvoted for the effort

[–]umlong23 1 point2 points ago

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The density should be of methane at body temperature.

Other than that the fluid mechanics are basically sound, a lot of assumptions being made, but they seem reasonable considering we`re talking about the propulsion force of farts.

[–]zymurgic 3 points4 points ago

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I really hesitate to comment, sir, but there is something afoul in your calculations. There would be a standing shockwave in the sphincter which cannot exceed Mach 1.. Therefore because a single phase gas is incapable of such a force, I respectfully recommend changing the underlying assumptions on the basis of the a two phased mixed flow, or single phase liquid flow consistent with the worst case of diarrhea imaginable. I shall greatly anticipate your numerical projections.

[–]IMasturbateToMyself 43 points44 points ago

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Fart scientist here.

It would take 2000L of farts and a ruptured anus to take that photo.

[–]AndyRooney 14 points15 points ago

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And how does one become a fart scientist Dr. IMasturbateToMyself? Do you take a cross-disciplinary approach to cover both specialties?

[–]Conford 6 points7 points ago

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Pretty sure it's the Smoke Monster from Lost.

[–]schafenaffe 1 point2 points ago

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Kate!!! We have to go back!

[–]gm86 2 points3 points ago

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And if you rapidly switch back and forth between the two pictures, he's dancing! Quick, somebody make a gif!

[–]Rarg 22 points23 points ago

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I bet he owns invisible bike cat.

For reference: http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2007/01/1159587965947.jpg

[–]dwaxe 6 points7 points ago

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More likely invisible bike cat owns him.

[–]tehjocker 1 point2 points ago

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  1. How did you do that animated one?! WTF magic

  2. Gif sound = ytmnd

[–]JoinRedditTheySaid 1 point2 points ago

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people like you make Reddit suck a little less

[–]MartialFur 133 points134 points ago

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What's odd is the fact that there are several lower bars he could have placed his foot on. This guy is a one-upper.

[–]elaborate_muse 73 points74 points ago

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Go big or go home, that's what Grandpa always said.

[–]akatherder 33 points34 points ago

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Pfft, my grandpa said go bigger or go homer.

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points ago

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Oh yeah, well mine said go biggest or go homest!

[–]ICommentInText 8 points9 points ago

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My grandpa always said stop bothering me you homo.

[–]this_makes_no_sense 6 points7 points ago

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Oh yeah, well my grandpa went home. :(Imissyougrandpa

[–]askthepoolboy 2 points3 points ago

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whatevs, my granpa said go bigo or go homo. Then he touched my private parts and went to jail.

[–]fondlemeLeroy 25 points26 points ago

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"that reminds me of something my grandfather used to say: I'm goin' upstairs to fuck your grandmother"

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points ago

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"He wasn't going to bullshit a four year old"

RIP George Carlin

[–]Vagina_Blood_Fart 2 points3 points ago

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My grandpa used to tell me to leave him the fuck alone. This explains a lot.

[–][deleted] 300 points301 points ago

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This is from the sub-division of the Ministry of Funny Walks, the Department of Ridiculous Stances.

[–]Pravusmentis 57 points58 points ago

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It's actually a booze-cruise for the Ministry of silly walks, the bartenders have a hell of a time trying to guess who is too drunk and who is just walking silly

[–][deleted] 58 points59 points ago

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Sir, I saw you casually stroll over here, I'm afraid we're going to have to cut you off.

[–]dwaxe 7 points8 points ago

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Put your foot right there. Ahhh yes... That's better. Maintain that stance for 30 seconds before silly prancing away.

[–]Z_Thinker 1 point2 points ago

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now just have your foot there... and... GENIUS

[–]jdwolfe 62 points63 points ago

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Outtakes from JCPenney menswear.

[–]FrostByt 186 points187 points ago

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TIL That vampires don't show up in pictures.

[–]onepoint21jiggawatts 29 points30 points ago

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son of a bitch.

[–]bigdubs 23 points24 points ago

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again, explains the look of total satisfaction

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points ago

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I see what you did there.

[–]callmelucky 7 points8 points ago

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I... I don't. A little help?

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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There was a TIL on the front page. It was "TIL That vampires don't show up in pictures" and it was a picture of kirsten just looking like she was giving an invisible person a blow job. This is inferring that a lady vampire is giving him a blowjob.

[–]callmelucky 1 point2 points ago

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Ah, thanks. I'm clearly... not spending enough time on reddit? That doesn't sound right somehow...

[–]NeilsErikTheRedd 43 points44 points ago

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"Reginald, I must say those socks are smashing. May I capture them in a picture?"

"Of course, Arthur. How would you like me to pose?"

"We are on a ship. Hoist you your leg onto that railing in a stately manner."

"Like this?"

"Perfect."

[–]soylentgreenistasty 4 points5 points ago

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The socks ARE pretty fucking nice.

[–]yrgrlfriday 8 points9 points ago

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...."Did you get the shot yet?"

[–][deleted] 35 points36 points ago

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Did anyone else think that is something Michael Scott would do? I miss him...

[–]eniloracesor 34 points35 points ago

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YES. Imgur

[–]trustmeep 15 points16 points ago

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Not to take hte fun out of it, but he's probably showing off the socks...

Also, this is a Holland America cruise ship...the decks and deck chairs are the indicators. One of the nice things about their ships are the classic elements like that...and people with cool socks.

[–]Geschirrspulmaschine[!] 15 points16 points ago

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I think the best classic elements they retained are the steerage class below decks and the coal boilers tendered by 13 year old orphans.

[–]Araucaria 1 point2 points ago

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Today I am wearing these socks. Their coolness (or lack thereof) is in the eye of the beholder.

[–]AndyPod19 14 points15 points ago

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A manager at my job does this, he's a stocky guy and he puts his legs up on a tabletop to show off his package anytime a woman is around. I think I can actually hear the seam of his pants screaming when he does it.

[–]pastey_wank 3 points4 points ago

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seamicide.

[–]platoistheman 56 points57 points ago

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[–]WordsNotToLiveBy 1 point2 points ago

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Nothing says "Fuck OWS" like this outfit.

[–]Journalisto 32 points33 points ago

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He's just taking it up a crotch.

[–]IMasturbateToMyself 1 point2 points ago

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Or he is just fucking nuts.

[–]Philthese93 1 point2 points ago

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Or he felt ballsy.

[–]canondocre 23 points24 points ago

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its a standard modeling pose. check me out bro http://imgur.com/IOSoY

[–]Letsgetitkraken 14 points15 points ago

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It's a standard Metalling pose.

[–]connerfer 7 points8 points ago

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so black. so metal.

[–]smileshigh 2 points3 points ago

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Is that a BC ferry?

[–]canondocre 4 points5 points ago

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yeah, on what I lovingly call the "party deck"

[–]Harold_Grundelson 4 points5 points ago

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Casual dad is casual.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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Taken from AwkwardFamilyPhotos. They sell the book at Urban Outfitters. It's probably worth the price, I spent an hour flipping through it

[–]tekchimp 18 points19 points ago

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no package visible...I wonder where it could be hiding? oh no....not up there!

[–]ih8karma 27 points28 points ago

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Why are you looking for his package?

[–]Payman2 30 points31 points ago

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For science of course.

[–]ih8karma 17 points18 points ago

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The shit we do for Science.

[–]throw_a_weigh11 10 points11 points ago

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Why are you not?

[–]Randy_Manimal 2 points3 points ago

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Why are you looking for his package?

Because he wants to know what brown can do for him.

[–]n27k 4 points5 points ago

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Baller as FUCK

[–]AndersonCouncil 3 points4 points ago*

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I'm almost positive that guy was a teacher at my school. He sounded exactly like Kermit the Frog.

EDIT: Yep, confirmed as him.

[–]SillyPickle 14 points15 points ago*

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[–]dr_derp627 2 points3 points ago

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hole in crotch in 3..2..1

[–]professorhazard 3 points4 points ago

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That guy is used to posing with a whole hogshead of Captain Morgan.

[–]travisgolden 4 points5 points ago

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Here I am casually admiring some of the fine publicly displayed artwork of Winters, California.

http://i.imgur.com/YVqgU.jpg

[–]foolio_67 7 points8 points ago

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I'd say that's too casual if anything.

[–]calebb 2 points3 points ago

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A cross between /funny and /mfa. I like.

[–]WhiteMansBurden 2 points3 points ago

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[–]MyNameCouldntBeAsLon 3 points4 points ago

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Extreme sock modelling.

[–]whatever_idc 1 point2 points ago

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Chillin like a villain.

[–]sfp5005 1 point2 points ago

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Holland America Cruiseship catalog?

[–]Pravusmentis 1 point2 points ago

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Fancy munchkin socks brother

[–]theleveller 1 point2 points ago

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Are you trying to seduce me Mr. Robinson?

[–]coolpersob 1 point2 points ago

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Is there anything wrong with this picture? I pose like this all the time.

[–]triplastic 1 point2 points ago

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He has way too much Captain in him...

[–]waffleburner 1 point2 points ago

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Should I know who this is?

[–]BoiledEggs 1 point2 points ago

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Dockers always make me do this.

[–]clifwith1f 1 point2 points ago

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[–]as_a_black_guy 1 point2 points ago

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Who doesn't love a crisp open water breeze blowing across their taint?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Looks like the boat from Black Stallion.

[–]DoctorYuyi 1 point2 points ago

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The thumbnail looks like he's balltapping a coffin.

[–]Ekusotias 1 point2 points ago

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Why did i just lol so hard?

[–]kitkatkitkat 1 point2 points ago

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Check out theeeese socks right HERE!

[–]blinkin 1 point2 points ago

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It is bad manners to put your dirty foot where other people put their hands.

[–]Linelor 1 point2 points ago

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I . . um . . found this

http://www.b3ta.com/board/10070156

[–]BillStickers99 1 point2 points ago

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Time to air out the old nutsack

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Dockers: for when you need to show your socks off on a boat.

[–]katbennie 1 point2 points ago*

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I am pretty positive that I know a person that knows this guy in real life. Crazy stuff. ETA: Yep, he's my friend's first cousin. I remember us laughing about this picture months ago.

[–]rudeboyrave 1 point2 points ago

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Then suddely, the calm sound of ocean waves was replaced by a light "queeeeeeef".

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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wow! I had this exact photo on facebook 2 years ago with a very similar caption! http://i.imgur.com/LFz6w.png

[–]treebird69 1 point2 points ago

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Top 1%

[–]the_first 1 point2 points ago

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If I had socks like that, that's exactly how I'd pose in every photo.

[–]Dirty-DjAngo 1 point2 points ago

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He is clearly an agent under deep deep cover sent in on a sting operation for pirates that have been terrorizing cruise ships. After finding out his partner turned rouge and activated his tracking device to alert nearby pirates he did the only reasonable thing...Mashida kick him over the rail. Thats obviously the only way to play it off....come on guys

[–]easyeight 1 point2 points ago

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It's simply nursing it's young

[–]jollyllama 1 point2 points ago

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I had a prof in grad school that would do this ALL THE FUCKING TIME. He'd be in the middle of talking about something, and just get in the most ridiculously painful looking squats, or lunges, or leg-on-a-desk poses, or whatever. Great guy, though, taught the shit out of that class, but there were at least 2-3 times per class that everyone would kinda cringe for a moment in fear that we were about to see his balls.

[–]drleephd 1 point2 points ago

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he has a lot of captain in him.

[–]DownWithPants 1 point2 points ago

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[–]nescius 1 point2 points ago

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[–]MAGfloat 2 points3 points ago

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I like his socks

[–]chiablo 4 points5 points ago

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That's the Disney Wonder. It's probably in Alaska in this shot.

[–]mhender 15 points16 points ago

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I can assure you, the promenade deck on pretty much any (decent) cruise line will look preeeetty much the same.

[–]brandstone 3 points4 points ago*

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Looks like a Holland America ship to me.

Edit: Some googling brought up Fincantieri, who builds ships for both cruise lines.

[–]shookie 3 points4 points ago

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Another Disney cruiser here. What clued you in to the Wonder specifically, as opposed to the Magic?

[–]oeidesign 7 points8 points ago

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This is not a Disney ship. Disney ships have yellow life boats.

[–]RobinFTwenty 1 point2 points ago*

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My german language teacher in high school used to stand in positions like these (for example one foot on the table or one foot against the wall.

edit: missed some words