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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]UncleChuckles[!] 1235 points1236 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]hallowedsouls 132 points133 points ago

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I held it together until "EVERTIM". So close.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points ago

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i made it until "LIK DIS"

[–]Swerdman55 2 points3 points ago

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Consider yourself lucky. I cracked up the second he started reading. In the middle of class.

[–]Onefortwo 297 points298 points ago

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Thank you for posting that ... I cried of laughter lol

[–]poompt 245 points246 points ago

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u ded. </333333333

[–]MrYaah 219 points220 points ago

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EVERTIM

[–]pbskids 41 points42 points ago

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"NOOOOOOOO" I pee'd a little, no joke.

EDIT: The noise he makes in the "..." at the last part made me die.

[–]mr_daryl 58 points59 points ago

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Now imagine it, but coming from this guy xD

[–]Aszuul 18 points19 points ago

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...this incredible ACTING TALENT!!!

[–]SenTedStevens 15 points16 points ago

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Oh Calculon, how did you know that I was...

Metric? I've always known. But for you, my darling, I'm willing to convert.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

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That made it so much better.

[–]B_Master 2 points3 points ago

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The script actually called for him to say "yes" but he improvised.

[–]rabbitrun 1 point2 points ago

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it wasn't?

[–]Kaltoro 1 point2 points ago

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You sir, have made my day.

[–]dhaft88 20 points21 points ago

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like dis if u crey

[–]SanoSuKex360 6 points7 points ago

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He got me with that one lmao "lick dis if u cry every time"

[–]Boojamon 25 points26 points ago

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EVERTIM

[–]LandingFeetFirst 16 points17 points ago

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wat wrong wit you? I say you he ded.

[–]rockerode 6 points7 points ago

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But o hav dimond ring!!!!

[–]AmusingUsername 1 point2 points ago

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npe chuk tsta </33333333333

[–]titan623 19 points20 points ago

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im bawling right now. that was amazing.

[–]philswitchengage 6 points7 points ago

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omg thank you

[–]lubkin 168 points169 points ago

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[–]STAT1 9 points10 points ago

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How is babby formed How is babby formed

[–]Thorn_of_Greed 18 points19 points ago

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LMAO! Love the start of that.

[–]Strawberry_Poptart 5 points6 points ago

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...waiting for a techno remix.

[–]latecraigy 26 points27 points ago

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SHE FOILS!!!!

[–]UndeadMessenger 27 points28 points ago

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I lost it at "LIK DIS".

[–]m_ell 52 points53 points ago

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I had an entire classroom of people pulling an all-nighter clutching their sides and crying. Thank you for making my life.

[–]mazurtommy 23 points24 points ago

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i love this guy, more than any child i will ever have

[–]ForrealMcNeil 62 points63 points ago

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[–]henkizh 5 points6 points ago

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I like how she died instantly when she crossed the road without the green man being on the sign.

[–]coolestkid92 1 point2 points ago

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this is exactly what i was looking for.

[–]JibberGXP 1 point2 points ago

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"I luv u FIVE-ever!"

[–]T_Thomas 19 points20 points ago

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I haven't laughed that hard in a while, thank you good sir.

[–]emilymp93 14 points15 points ago

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This reminds me of "Dramatic Reading of a Breakup Letter" hahaha.

[–]DrakeWho 15 points16 points ago

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This reminded me of this.

[–]thejees 12 points13 points ago

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lost it at diomand

[–]zoidberg1339 12 points13 points ago

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I laugh evertim I read one of those.

[–]KnuttyD 33 points34 points ago

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Sweet Jesus. This had me crying the entire time. Holy shit, upvotes to you good sir.

[–]Clue57 38 points39 points ago

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[–]lunchbag 3 points4 points ago

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probably my favourite link on the Internet. have listened to it so many times and it's still hilarious.

[–]tendorphin 1 point2 points ago

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always blocking your chair, haha!

[–]altum 20 points21 points ago

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oh. my. god.

[–]soimbored 7 points8 points ago

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the scream at the end... priceless!

[–]KRuX333 7 points8 points ago

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SHE DED.........

[–]RubixBoob 5 points6 points ago

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I was unable to listen to this at work without giving the game away.

[–]soadogs 2 points3 points ago

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I laughed till I cried. that was fucking hilarious

[–]DaTScientisT 1 point2 points ago

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I WANT THAT MANS VOICE

[–]cimbian 1 point2 points ago

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This is the greatest thing I've seen on reddit for weeks. WEEKS

[–]djnev 1 point2 points ago

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I actually struggled to breathe after listening to to that. Comedy gold.

[–]Green042 1 point2 points ago

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I fols to da ground and cries

[–]schwins_cube 1 point2 points ago*

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Amazing. Reminds me of this

[–]MDevonL 1 point2 points ago

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That was the best 1:15 I've had in a while, thank you

[–]CipV 1 point2 points ago

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I creyd 5evr!

[–]Farn 171 points172 points ago

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One dai a ~gurl and boi~ were wokin down da streat n holdin hands ~ n stuff. Thay wer in luv ♥. Girl is part time prosteetote soe she iz waring hi heal boots. She fawls into open sewer grate on road. Boi ses, 'NOOOOOOOOEEE!' but it iz 2 late n gurl falls in so far she reaches china n iz taken prisoner. Boi creys of heartbrake

60 years laiter, boi opens bag of rice in his howse, n finds noat note sez 'I still luv u boi, luv gurl'. Boi creys for a long time az he hugs the bag of rice.

Reblog if u crey

[–]FairlySuper 56 points57 points ago

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ii crey evertim~

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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every single tim

[–]What_TheFuck 25 points26 points ago

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wh0's chopin oniuns n heer?

[–]Mike81890 10 points11 points ago

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You have a gift.

[–]jt004c 8 points9 points ago

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Farn is blessed with a god-given talent, an innate skill so powerful that, if he is not careful, it could nigh well be his undoing.

Farn can, brace yourself: cut....and....mother fucking...paste.

I shit you not.

[–]Farn 25 points26 points ago

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You flatter me, but I actually can't. I had to retype it word for word.

[–]brennanww 1 point2 points ago

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i lol'd

[–]hobs707 312 points313 points ago

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i tink he luvd her 5ever.

[–]Renmauzuo 44 points45 points ago

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He'd love her 6ever if she'd play XBox with him.

[–]tahseenm 35 points36 points ago

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Replying just for our flair combination.

[–]Renmauzuo 16 points17 points ago

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But we're backwards! I can't be fixing the table before you flip it. Unless, I suppose, we are in an upside down furniture house. Yeah.

[–]MarneusB 23 points24 points ago

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It's okay, I've arrived to set things straight.

[–]MikoRiko 2 points3 points ago

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ಠ_ಠ Don't you lie to me...

[–]mystikraven 12 points13 points ago

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Lol I dunno what's going on here

[–]Shannonigans 7 points8 points ago

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me neither

[–]thenuge26 1 point2 points ago

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Just pretend you guys are in Australia. Then it all makes sense.

[–]KnuttyD 117 points118 points ago

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B3C4US ITS MAR DAN 4EVAH

[–]leshoop 54 points55 points ago

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i kent beelif she ded.

[–]PlanningAPrisonBreak 5 points6 points ago

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~* :'( *~

[–]Tyrannosaurus_flex 15 points16 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]DrPepper86 1 point2 points ago

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I love the expression on the guy in the 3rd panel.

[–]DRUG_USER 28 points29 points ago

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CRIYD FREVR

[–]Rampage_ 10 points11 points ago

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U meen 5evr

[–]smug_rum_smuggler 155 points156 points ago

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How did he get the ring inside the pop tart?

[–]Tobachnick 147 points148 points ago

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He didn't, it was there from the start.

[–]ElenaxFirebird 28 points29 points ago

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She was gonna choke on it and die anyway, so it's okay.

[–]Orichalcon 12 points13 points ago

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and that's where blood diamonds come from.

[–]TheAthiestOfAtheists 255 points256 points ago

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Directed by M. Night Shyamalan.

[–]Thorson 49 points50 points ago

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What a twist!

[–]phantman 59 points60 points ago

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Whenever i see this, i think this: http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/5rmb/

[–]mi_nombre_es_ricardo 2 points3 points ago

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so who was poptart?

[–]TheCodexx 17 points18 points ago

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I'm more concerned with the fact that he put it in there before his girlfriend told him anything. Was he just coincidentally planning to propose to her the same day, brought the ring, and decided to put it in the pop-tart?

[–]Micosilver 2 points3 points ago

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You went too deep.

[–]DelendaEst 1 point2 points ago

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Not only that, but if she died from a sugar related issue from eating a poptart, she had some severe medical complications that he SHOULD have be aware of if he was ready to marry her and raise their child.

[–]webdevbrian 1 point2 points ago

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THE PLOT THICKENS!

[–]deadgreystar 1 point2 points ago

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Of all the plot holes, you've chosen this one. I applaud you're inner-critic!

[–]Awevillo 135 points136 points ago

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So beautiful

[–]Spectronic 100 points101 points ago

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I'm convinced that this generation is retarded

[–]DarthShrine 93 points94 points ago

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More like retarted... Get it? Poptarts...Ret-- ...never mind

[–]survivalist_guy 10 points11 points ago

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Not sure if flair is a joke or if you actually were trying to SQL inject.... Funny either way.

[–]EdgarSonneborg 6 points7 points ago

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DELETE * FROM Comments WHERE 1=1;

[–]DownvoteAttractor 3 points4 points ago

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I have a friend who says people are 'retarts', it's so embarrasingly hilarious.

[–]theElegantWorm 38 points39 points ago

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its a quite obvious joke..

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Corund 23 points24 points ago

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A joke? I have cousins who communicate like this.

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points ago

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I have a personal theory that ignorance is fashionable to today's youth.

[–]LockeWatts[!] 3 points4 points ago

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I think that's a well known theory, actually.

[–]tehz 2 points3 points ago

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well accepted

FTFY

[–]CriticalEcho 9 points10 points ago

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bootiful FTFY

[–]entirely-of-jokes 76 points77 points ago

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gurl in luv wit boi n day r sayn 2 uther stuf

n boi waz sad cuz hes all lyk bt wt abut mks lemso

kjls wwl uot asdfnkoinj kwernaoisdjfd,mn.erwer 88888888888888888888

LYK DIS IF HWOAR SFN KJSAP POIQUWEOI

[–]meantism 38 points39 points ago

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I liked this because HWOAR SFN KJSAP POIQUWEOI

[–]KarateChach 70 points71 points ago

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That is one bad case of low blood sugar... she died within the 10 seconds she didn't eat that poptart.

[–]TheAthiestOfAtheists 41 points42 points ago

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She's probably fat.

[–]the_goat_boy 3 points4 points ago

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Aren't type 1 diabeetus people usually thin?

[–]concussedYmir 6 points7 points ago

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She beat the odds, she went the distance. They said she couldn't do it, but she did!

Coming up, on Lifetime.

[–]starrbunnyy 26 points27 points ago

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she ded. </33

[–]thomduass 77 points78 points ago*

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HOLD THE PRESSES AND CALL THE PRODUCERS, WE GOT OUR NEXT POP-TARTS COMMERCIAL!

[–]jaymarie_3 19 points20 points ago

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moral of the story.. don't tell your boyfriend to get you a poptart

[–]sicktaker2 6 points7 points ago

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Ya, cause it obviously took him a few hours to make a fake poptart with the ring baked inside, and she was already critically low on blood sugar by the time he got back.

[–]Superspookyghost 133 points134 points ago

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These are supposed to be a joke - the sad thing is the people who are most likely to see them as a joke (redditors) honestly believe they are serious and then post them back to reddit.

[–]Darth_Phrakk 59 points60 points ago

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Which is good because I like them...they're hilarious. Is there a site that has a bunch of them or something?

[–]cruuuuzer 16 points17 points ago

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it will be until reddit rams it into the ground like everything else.

[–]Dr_Kerporkian 4 points5 points ago

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Why would you ram a cake made of pure icing into the ground?

[–]el3ctr0nika 2 points3 points ago

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Same. I laughed my ass off at this.

[–]T_Thomas 22 points23 points ago

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I disagree, i have seen people send stupid shit like this all the time. They believe it to be profound. I believe it to be a waste of a good poptart.

[–]ElenaxFirebird 7 points8 points ago

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Depends on the flavor. I like brown cinnamon sugar well enough, but I'm not a big fan of blueberry.

[–]Gummyrat 13 points14 points ago

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Obviously fake... husband is spelled correctly.

[–]StumpyGoblin 1 point2 points ago

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hubbsand,.

[–][deleted] 64 points65 points ago

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A girl stops making out and asks the boy to get poptarts and he does.

Then the girl takes a deep breath and says "Boyfriend, I'm pregnant will you stay with me?". He says "no".

The girl is heartbroken </3

The girl cries and runs away from the boy without eating the poptart but she has low blood sugar so she falls.

The boy runs over to her but she is dead.

The boy cries "I said I won't be your boyfriend because I want to be your husband!"

He throws the poptart at the wall and a beautiful diamond ring was inside.

[–]hallowedsouls 135 points136 points ago

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A young woman pulls herself away from an intimate embrace with her lover. She hesitates, then requests that he go fetch some pastries from the kitchen. Upon his return, the woman sighs deeply before finally admitting, "I've discovered that I'm pregnant. Will you stay with me?" He pauses for a moment before calmly stating, "No." The young woman is distraught over this statement, and begins to flee the room with tears streaming down her face. Unfortunately, she collapses due to a critically low blood sugar. The man dashes to her side, only to make the terrible realization that she has already passed away. He buries his face in his hands and sorrowfully mourns, "I only declined because I was going to say I wanted to be with you 5ever." Upon the table, inside a pastry, was an engagement ring that never had an opportunity to be worn.

[–][deleted] 43 points44 points ago

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I appreciate that you kept the 5ever part. it really brings the whole story together

[–]EdgarSonneborg 1 point2 points ago

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I appreciate your appreciation. it really brings closure to the whole story.

[–]bleedingoutlaw28 4 points5 points ago

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A young man and a woman are standing on a balcony and the man says "I hate sand. It's coarse and rough and it gets everywhere." then suddenly she's pregnant and she says "I truly, deeply, madly, like, retardedly, love you" and then he's bad and goes "RAAAAAAH! I'm emotional" and she says "Boy, you're breaking my heart" so he chokes her. Then he's a robot and says "where is girl" and the other guy says "In your anger, you killed her" and so he says NOOOOOOO. Like this if you facepalm everytime.

[–]jntwn 1 point2 points ago

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Killed your girlfriend with a terrible pun, that has to suck.

[–]Ibroke 30 points31 points ago

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Why did he throw the poptart at the wall? I don't think that was really necessary.

[–]Vouk73 26 points27 points ago

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Drama.

[–]alabomb 60 points61 points ago

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It's a pretty difficult thing to deal with. I, too, have been known to throw poptarts at the wall whenever my pregnant, low-blood sugar girlfriend falls and dies.

[–]crag123 16 points17 points ago

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It happens so often. It's getting harder to cry every time.

[–]vorin 3 points4 points ago

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I bet I could throw 100 poptarts.

[–]DoubleAcesHigh 19 points20 points ago

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I had to go back and re-read it after I read the translation. For some reason, my brain added in that she was run over by a bus after she fell.

[–]oboedude 18 points19 points ago

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I thought reading it in English would make me feel better about myself.

It didn't...

[–]Solnai 8 points9 points ago

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I didn't even understand the middle part about dying.

...Thanks for clearing that up?

[–]LeJoker 16 points17 points ago

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Smart people translation. Thank you :)

[–]BennyG02 1 point2 points ago

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Awkwardly, this translation makes less sense as she should ask if he will stay her boyfriend. Being someone's husband must count as staying with someone.

But I think I've thought about this too much.

[–]jerryloveninja 36 points37 points ago

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i cry evrytim i red dis

[–]DJRobotears 26 points27 points ago

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This is why we cant have nice things.

[–]LeJoker 10 points11 points ago

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Poptartz make me cry EVRYTIM! Literally all the Tims.

[–]DrJackolope 21 points22 points ago

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Are you guys reading the same story as me because I can't finish this without tearing up...

[–]binarypolitics 6 points7 points ago

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Actually yes it's fake so they are kidding you.

[–]Acidic_acid 7 points8 points ago

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She ded.

[–]Chloe91 5 points6 points ago

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I lost it when I saw "she ded </33333"

Most ridiculous thing I've seen in a while. But hilarious.

[–]SCzergrush 2 points3 points ago

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I cried :*(

[–]HEADSHOTHUNTA 2 points3 points ago

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I basically read that in that hooker in Full Metal Jacket's voice, "Me love you looooong time. Fiye dollah? Anything you wan babyee."

[–]eaturliver 2 points3 points ago

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M. Night. Shyamalan's facebook update?

[–]mesiance 2 points3 points ago

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This is the greatest poptart marketing campaign ever.

[–]gentle_squid 2 points3 points ago

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WHAT A TWIST!!

[–]claudesoph 2 points3 points ago

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LOOOOOL

[–]you_are_not_prepared 2 points3 points ago

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WHO IN THE FUCK IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS?!?!

[–]cma6250 2 points3 points ago

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I believe "evrytim" is spelled with two y's.

[–]johnconnor8100 2 points3 points ago

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what if she ate the ring though, it seems like a catch 22 for this young woman

[–]eleazar123 2 points3 points ago

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This just makes me hungry for poptartz. :(

[–]redbook123 2 points3 points ago

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Nice try, Poptarts!

[–]sicki 2 points3 points ago

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Every time I see a post like this, I want to downvote it to oblivion... But then I remember, it's not your fault, OP... it's not your fault.

[–]DrRocksoo 2 points3 points ago

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FUCK FUCK FUCK!!! I was totally going to stick a $4,000 engagement ring into a Poptart, but now she will know where I got the idea from!

I cry evrytim.

[–]delandros 6 points7 points ago

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he dodged a bullet there

[–]adawg58 1 point2 points ago

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nawt gona lye i shed a teer

[–]moonman 1 point2 points ago

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Pop tarts be di f8?

[–]wrnng1024 1 point2 points ago

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Do people misspell on purpose? This was hard to read.

[–]snutch2thenutch 1 point2 points ago

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can someone find or create a converter to this speak?

[–]bigplansisay 1 point2 points ago

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I fucking love these.

[–]TheGizmojo 1 point2 points ago

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This is depressing, what a waste of a pop tart. Those things aren't so cheap anymore.

[–]todayyoutommorowme 1 point2 points ago

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I will find whoever writes these and make a pregnant

[–]siredward85 1 point2 points ago

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Tears came to my eyes from reading this

[–]Echo849 1 point2 points ago

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Did she died?

[–]Rampage_ 1 point2 points ago

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[–]MegaPower124 1 point2 points ago

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The one original thing tumblr ever created...

[–]Noyouretowel 1 point2 points ago

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<////3 guess there love wasnt 5-EVA. :(

[–]seemunkie 1 point2 points ago

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Holy crap, I had to stop listening, I was laughing so hard while at work. So funny!!

EVERYTIM!

[–]Angelus_Wolter 1 point2 points ago

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Think OP got trolled.

[–]chewieconcarne 1 point2 points ago

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I cry every time because it makes my brain hurt

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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I'll luv dis 5-ever

[–]TehBigDortyShnakeh 1 point2 points ago

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I cant believe how many people (on facebook) don't realise these are jokes.

[–]mainsoda 1 point2 points ago

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People don't actually type like this do they? I mean of course the story is retarded, but if people actually were this bad at spelling, I just may have to cry.

[–]Akronite14 1 point2 points ago

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He wanted to be her boyFIVE.

[–]aG_Infamous 1 point2 points ago

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Yes, we are kidding you. This was made by someone on YouTube making fun of the chain messages and moved to Facebook, the majority of people post this as a joke

[–]Cozmo23 1 point2 points ago

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Shakespeare ripped off this story.

[–]JavyCosta 1 point2 points ago

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You are all stupider now for having read that.

Have a nice day.

[–]vivalakellye 1 point2 points ago

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I SAY YOU SHE DED.

[–]lungsoffire 1 point2 points ago

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TIL: monkeys are getting closer to banging out the works of Shakespeare. Oh wait a person wrote this?

[–]bravoredditbravo 1 point2 points ago

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Y do I liv da earf stil

[–]razor_x_blade 1 point2 points ago

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That was a test of patience... and my deciphering linguistic skills... Part of me wants to die

[–]rjbman 1 point2 points ago

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I enjoyed the 5ever as well.

[–]deathdonut 1 point2 points ago

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This is how Romeo and Juliet should have ended.

[–]bdaycakeremix 1 point2 points ago

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dis alwaiz getz me!!!!!

[–]adam2222 1 point2 points ago

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THEN WHO WAS POP-TART?!??

[–]reisespieces7337 1 point2 points ago

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I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

[–]Halcii 1 point2 points ago

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Crying.. with LAUGHTER!

[–]jettbalasko 1 point2 points ago

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I haven't purely enjoyed something like I did that in a long time. Thank you!!!!

[–]zetversus 1 point2 points ago

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What the read did I just fuck?

[–]Mike07P 1 point2 points ago

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she ded <///////////////3 I L.O.L.E.D

[–]Tadpradel 1 point2 points ago

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I'll be back shortly guys, gotta go find my lost IQ points...

[–]Pootytang001 1 point2 points ago

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Somebody keeps writing these and posting them to facebook. This person is the Banksy of the internets.

[–]Jamesfitzgerald17 1 point2 points ago

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why she run awaaaaiiiii?!