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all 178 comments

[–]DazBlintze 368 points369 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

smashing

[–]glitchbox 8 points9 points ago

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ಠ_ಠ

[–]re_Pete 20 points21 points ago

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Not a fan of puns. Your comment was gold.

[–]LongoSpeaksTruth 11 points12 points ago

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Look at him. He deserves it. I don't trust him. Do you really think he wouldn't club you if he had the chance ?

[–]garfieldtrunkersin 2 points3 points ago

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Damn, you beat me to it.

[–]Flyntard 1 point2 points ago

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...by 10 hours.

[–]Klonan 9 points10 points ago

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Hmm, Quite.

[–]syruppancakes 10 points11 points ago

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Indubitably puff puff

[–]RandomCleverName 12 points13 points ago

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Dirigible.

[–]TheAtomicPlayboy 199 points200 points ago

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I'd hit it.

[–]CptCancer 50 points51 points ago

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Warranty Void if seal is broken.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]FruitSaladFreddy 0 points1 point ago

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-Sigh- When will they learn?

[–]BigOrangeBall 81 points82 points ago

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This is the first time I have yelled "fuck you" while simultaneously upvoting someone's post. I just, I don't know how I feel about this right now. Imma just go......

[–]MrMoustachio 53 points54 points ago

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DUDE.

[–]Hrodrik 2 points3 points ago

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Looking cute.

[–]MechBear 23 points24 points ago

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To die for.

[–]macogle 90 points91 points ago

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You go to Hell! You go to Hell and you die!

[–]rotogimp 60 points61 points ago

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So a seal walks into a club...

[–][deleted] 29 points30 points ago

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In this case, a club walks into a seal.

[–]Coshi 46 points47 points ago

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In soviet Russia seal clubs you.

[–]lnstinkt 27 points28 points ago

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...with a seal.

[–]Nickolo3 18 points19 points ago

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Of approval.

[–]buiwashere 6 points7 points ago

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I've laughed way more than I should have, please excuse me while I sit in my crying corner.

[–]caprincrash 1 point2 points ago

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So a baby seal walks into a bar and the bartender asks "what will it be?"

The seal replies "anything but a Canadian Club on the rocks"

[–]mggghns 0 points1 point ago

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lmfao

[–]Dfnoboy 0 points1 point ago

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... South Park?

[–]anikan72 19 points20 points ago

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So people are clubbing sea lions now?

[–][deleted] 52 points53 points ago

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A seal ion is just a seal with one or more electrons added or removed.

[–]deartheworld 8 points9 points ago

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..and ears.

[–]vincent21212 3 points4 points ago

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Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[–]MissQuerade 1 point2 points ago

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Im glad someone else caught that.

[–]throwaway42013 27 points28 points ago

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The cuter the seal the more points you get for clubbing it, I'd give that one a 7.9.

[–]pr1ntscreen 31 points32 points ago

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Which according to Windows is the highest number, yay!

[–]dankers 28 points29 points ago

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i get jokes

[–]Nickolo3 5 points6 points ago

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I don't.

[–]dekigo 1 point2 points ago

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god dammit i wish I had thought of that flair

[–]Suicidepills 5 points6 points ago

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"Fucking hell, another picture of a girl with a 'omg-marry-me/what-a-karma-whore' thread attached to i- Oh. My. God." /Upvote

[–]Squishumz 0 points1 point ago

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[–]fernguts 9 points10 points ago

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In Canada anyway, it is illegal to kill white seal pups, and nearly all seal hunting is done with rifles.

[–]adaminc 8 points9 points ago

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They bring rifles, just in case, but they use a special club, they don't want to damage the hide if don't have to.

[–]fernguts 6 points7 points ago*

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The hakapik is has fallen out of favour, not because it is inhumane (veterinarians have confirmed that it provides a quick and relatively painless death), but rather because it makes for poor P.R. These days in Canada, the vast majority of seals harvested are shot in the head at close range.

[–]adaminc 2 points3 points ago

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Except its illegal to film the seal clubbing, so PR doesn't really matter except for hearsay.

[–]CharonIDRONES 0 points1 point ago

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It's illegal to film a legal activity?

[–]adaminc 0 points1 point ago

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It is. They don't want bad PR.

[–]zamakusi 2 points3 points ago

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I'm going to Hell man.

[–]art_fag 10 points11 points ago

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literally shouted NOOOOOO from this. still amused.

[–]Henry_D 10 points11 points ago

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...Darth Vader?

[–]snarkinturtle 6 points7 points ago

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Cute sealion, bro, but you need a seal to make this joke work.

[–]Blaque 11 points12 points ago

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[–]kristianur 16 points17 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]vincent21212 10 points11 points ago

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heart exploding. Help.

[–]kitteh-saur 5 points6 points ago

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That almost made me cry. Look at that poor seal's face. :(

[–]Hexogen 1 point2 points ago

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If you think the seal's face is bad there, just wait until the after shot.

[–]OKGoldfish 4 points5 points ago

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That sir is just awful.

Enjoy your upvote you bastard.

[–]deemahh 1 point2 points ago

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I was confused for a second. Then it clicked. Then I got sad. Then I started laughing hysterically. Then I got sad again. Take my stupid upvote.

[–]JoseWolf32 1 point2 points ago

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Never have I felt the urge to laugh a d cry at the same time....until now.

[–]snackpanda 1 point2 points ago

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I lol'd but this ruined my day.

[–]canuck316 1 point2 points ago

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Looks like your fate is sealed

[–]LeMAD 7 points8 points ago

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Btw, because people think baby seals are cute, seal hunting has nearly ended and their population is growing at an insane rate. And they are eating the fish that's left in the gulf of the St. Lawrence river.

So the people living there are getting poorer and poorer since their main economic activities (seal hunting and fishing) are dying. An important source of food (fish) is disapearing. Some species of fish are in danger of extinction.

Animals everywhere are getting colse to extinction because of human activities, there's all kind of animal cruelty done in farms, slaughterhouses, etc. But people only care about motherfucking seals, who absolutely don't need protection.

[–]jimbolauski 4 points5 points ago

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Club the seals to save the town

[–]CakeCatSheriff 3 points4 points ago*

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Wait.. how does a food chain get better when humans don't affect it? We've been here just for a while.. I am assuming there is some other predator missing.. bears?

I mean now that I think about it it's probably because we keep mass-fishing but leaving the predators alone. Wouldn't it be possible to hunt seals for food with some nicer method, like actual shooting or whatever? I mean clubbing seals so that you can skin them and complain you can't get enough fish to eat/sell seems weird..

[–]LeMAD 3 points4 points ago

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Eventually the fish population will become so low that seals won't have anything to eat and their population will go back to normal.

[–]CakeCatSheriff 1 point2 points ago

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Sounds OK to me.

Also what you have to imagine under this is that they won't reproduce as much, not just that they will die out because of hunger.

[–]Darth_Phrakk 0 points1 point ago

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There's also the fact that animals in the wild tend to hunt the weak: the young and the old, while humans tend to pick off the reproductively active healthy animals.

What do you think has a bigger impact on the population? Yeah, baby seals are cute but most people would be ok with killing the middle aged seals while not looking at the big picture.

[–]Meades_Loves_Memes 3 points4 points ago

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You son of a bitch you.

[–]IndeedMyGoodMan 3 points4 points ago

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Dark joke was dark, upvote for you sir.

[–]SyntheticDiz 6 points7 points ago

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Come on man..that ain't funny.

[–]jochens 11 points12 points ago

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[–]finiterepeat 8 points9 points ago

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It suuuure is

[–]herpdongs 5 points6 points ago

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I definitely laughed

[–]ConsummateK 1 point2 points ago

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Wouldn't that be what you're wearing after the club?

[–]hawk135 3 points4 points ago

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Dude, wtf, and why did i laugh? ಠ_ಠ

[–]MADBAKER 2 points3 points ago

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I burst out laughing. I'm going to hell aren't I?

[–]AgentOfMisdirection 4 points5 points ago

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What makes you think you aren't already there?

[–]MoonBanana 4 points5 points ago

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no..but..why?? :(

[–]AlfaPhoxtrot 2 points3 points ago

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STOP CLUBBING BABY SEALS!

[–]glglglglgl 21 points22 points ago

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STOP BABY SEALS CLUBBING!

They're not old enough to drink yet.

[–]jochens -1 points0 points ago

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Yeah, stop them! Seriously. They always know the bouncer and get in right away while I have to stand outside in line and freeze to death.

[–]charliezinz 0 points1 point ago

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Baby seal knows his inevitable death from being bludgeoned. Tries to break his own neck :(

[–]redditfanman 0 points1 point ago

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id beat that to death.

[–]Hayuduki 0 points1 point ago

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I'm going to hell.

[–]catsfive 0 points1 point ago

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The club? Well, he's definitely on MDMA; just look at those pupils!

[–]Scronce 0 points1 point ago

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What will you be wearing after o.O

[–]OrientalFUZZZ 0 points1 point ago

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That is not even funny...So evil..love it

[–]FratscraigSpire 0 points1 point ago

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super cute

[–]2E1HSB 0 points1 point ago

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I call my boyfriend baby seal, because his glasses make his eyes look huge.

Also, because I cant stop hitting him.

[–]Kcazguy 0 points1 point ago

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As someone who lives in Newfoundland and hears about the seal hunt every week in the news, I needed this laugh. Up vote! I'm indifferent to the seal hunt, but I know it causes Beetles members to lose their sense of Geography.

[–]kookamunga9 0 points1 point ago

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ALL I WILL SAY IS NO!

[–]Evil_Mini_Cake 0 points1 point ago

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Goin clubbin' BRB

[–]jl123 0 points1 point ago

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Lame, man.

[–]gordofrog 0 points1 point ago

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Ugh, wearing fur to the club. Tacky~

[–]OprahFTWinfry 0 points1 point ago

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You nailed it.

[–]STiX360 0 points1 point ago

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Clubbed it.

[–]theCHAMPdotcom 0 points1 point ago

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so what did I think? I'm holdin' out for somethin' better. I figure fuck it, while Im at it why not just shoot my buddy, take his job, give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe, and join the National Guard. I could be elected President.

[–]Pankaiks 0 points1 point ago

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Wouldn't you be wearing this after the club?

[–]aco620 0 points1 point ago

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hehehe...oh...wait...now I feel bad...

[–]Zombette 0 points1 point ago

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This is sad.

[–]wdejr 0 points1 point ago

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Funny, I'll be wearing it afterwards...

[–]ccharp 0 points1 point ago

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..I'm going to hell for laughing at this, aren't I.

[–]Senor_Manos 0 points1 point ago

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Aww... did Heidi Klum have a baby?

[–]Nackles 0 points1 point ago

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I totally didn't get the "club" reference until I saw all the outrage from everyone else.

[–]There-Wolf 0 points1 point ago

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Jesus that thing is cute

[–]PossiblyTrolling 0 points1 point ago

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YOU LOOK FUCKIN TASTY LITTLE GUY NICE JOB

[–]obliviousheep 0 points1 point ago

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You're wearing seal skin? You sick fuck, don't you know what they do to those poor animals?!

[–]Hepha 0 points1 point ago

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[–]colordodge 0 points1 point ago

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"I'm gonna get me a 1957 Cadillac El Dorado - Hot Pink! With whale skin hubcaps and big brow baby seal eyes for headlights"

[–]MisSigsFan 0 points1 point ago

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This is horrible but awesome at the same time.

[–]Kronogor 0 points1 point ago

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haahahahahahahaha

[–]mango_freak 0 points1 point ago

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Tastefully offensive

[–]MsAnnThrope 0 points1 point ago

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It took me a minute, but then I started choking on my tea.

[–]ggoessling 0 points1 point ago

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Reminds me of a certain Army Cadence :)

[–]KillAllTheThings 0 points1 point ago

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That's no ordinary seal.

We thought rabbits were cute too. Once.

[–]whitedahlia 0 points1 point ago

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You wouldn't happen to be a friend of this guy would you?

[–]nexus9 0 points1 point ago

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awwww, don't know whether to upvote or downvote....

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Alot of seal

[–]spoonfedkyle 0 points1 point ago

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...must ...resist...laugh...ter....GAH! Fuck it. lol

[–]AshGuy 0 points1 point ago

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You.... you son of a bitch.

Upvote.

[–]aizen_love 0 points1 point ago

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I'm going to hell for laughing at this... But I suppose being raised in a family where we play "baby seal" I would find it funny.

[–]nursewhimsy 0 points1 point ago

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I clicked on the picture before I read the headline and was sitting there giggling my ass off at the cute, so my boyfriend came in the room to see the fuss. I hit the back button, we read the headline, I sat in shock and horror while he pointed at me and laughed.

[–]chickensamwich 0 points1 point ago

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bloody brilliant!

[–]virulentRant 0 points1 point ago

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You're the cutest baby seal ever!

[–]mariamus 0 points1 point ago

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At first I was: Awww :D, but then i was: Awww :(

[–]duhwiked 0 points1 point ago

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AAAhahahahaha! Much thanks for this, funniest joke I've seen in a few days.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Stop me if you've heard this one: A baby seal walks into a club..

[–]MrJoe92 1 point2 points ago

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Stop

[–]RetardVomitPussyCunt 1 point2 points ago

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Hammertime

[–]mnnmnmnnm 0 points1 point ago

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Delicious!

[–]SergeantTibbs 0 points1 point ago

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IT'S CLOBBERIN' TIME!!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I'm laughing like an idiot at this.

[–]KingToasty 0 points1 point ago

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This is impressively offensive.

[–]wildfire2k5 -3 points-2 points ago

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This is awesome! Totally not what I was expecting. Hilarious though.

[–]Kabuki_Harlequin -1 points0 points ago

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You have found the border between funny and horrible, and you sir have graced it... Have an upboat!

[–]danne_trix -5 points-4 points ago

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that's not funny, just cruel

[–]ProjectileHerpes -1 points0 points ago

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That creature is clearly not fit to hold on to our property, just look at how dirty my future slippers got while in its possession!

[–]IllGiveYouAnUpvote -1 points0 points ago

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Be a seal. Get bitches.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

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It took my hungover self way too long to process that. Great laugh, though.

[–]pwncakesneggs -1 points0 points ago

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Your going to hell...Ill save you a seat next to the AC

[–]Urbanman -2 points-1 points ago

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I lold my ass off, where is it?

[–]Alexanderh86 -2 points-1 points ago

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If i had money i would pay a few mercs to kill seal hunters. It would be amazing.

[–]Wind5 0 points1 point ago

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Why? Because they're cute?

[–]HMR -2 points-1 points ago

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Ź͆̅͑ͩ̚͘͟҉̺̟̪͓̝̭̖̤̟͞Ȧ̸̸̡͙̟̜̠̩̼̙͈̰̜̖̲ͮ̄͊͞͞L̸̜͇͚̹̼̓̊́ͧ̎̌͐ͩ̔͆͟G̶̸̡̳̜̻̙̳̪̗̣̞̻̼̳̭̀́̓̓͊ͫͭ̓́ͣ̉̇͌̚͠O̷̰̝̩̹̞̘̹͆͆̿ͨ͋͋̐̏̓̒́ͥ͛̍̋͊͢͠

[–]bbqforbrontosaurus 0 points1 point ago

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Do you work for those captcha guys?

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]iheartbakon 0 points1 point ago

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TMI bro'.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

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Ahem, I think you mean after the club.

[–]Orthae -1 points0 points ago

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Morrissey would be crying and changing his tampon right now.

[–]EurAZN -1 points0 points ago

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This thing is too adorable for me to guiltily laugh at the joke

[–]hotstuff23 -1 points0 points ago

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You look adorable

[–]nimbeam -1 points0 points ago

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If seal is broken....

....I'll just grab my coat

HAHAHA i got the "you are doing that too much"

I feel like a 13 yo in the shower O_o

[–]seekingpolaris -1 points0 points ago

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cute and freaky

[–]Anovan -1 points0 points ago

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It's so cute and sad. Begrudgingly upvoted.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

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I'd hit it.

[–]Liezah -1 points0 points ago

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creepy

[–]phillzigg -1 points0 points ago

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soft and warm

[–]always_forget_pw -1 points0 points ago

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It took Google several pages to come up with a vendor http://gnpcraft.com/location/ if you want to buy some sealskin stuff. Pricey, though.

Oh, and if you're against fur, good for you, it's your choice. As long as the animal isn't tortured to death though, I don't care, it's no worse than what we do to domestic animals. Hell, we kill pretty horses for dog food, eh? And I'd say horses have helped us more than any fucking seals ever have.

[–]VastDeferens -1 points0 points ago

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Cute. But I'm still disappointed this wasn't something slutty.

[–]LegHumper -1 points0 points ago

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vomits rainbow

[–]thizzbog -3 points-2 points ago

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i see what you did there

[–]RainingInMyCranium -4 points-3 points ago

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Brutal.

[–]Bjartensen -2 points-1 points ago

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Fuck. You.

[–]catchthe22 -2 points-1 points ago

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Going for some NubStep?

[–]amazingcolin -2 points-1 points ago

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well put it on and we'll see. i recommend drying out the skin first, otherwise it'll be messy.

[–]vincent21212 1 point2 points ago

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[–]WeAllWin -2 points-1 points ago

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"Nice, I like cricket too!"

[–]TTTNL -2 points-1 points ago

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you look.... clubilicious

[–]ImmortalWarrior -2 points-1 points ago

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you look like you're gonna kill me in my sleep.

[–]thrownaway21 -2 points-1 points ago

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would it be, what you're wearing AFTER the club?

[–]palaxi -2 points-1 points ago

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At first it looked cute. Then I kept staring at it staring at me. Then it became a creepy little creature.

[–]Bongpig -3 points-2 points ago

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i'd wear it

[–]Electri_ -3 points-2 points ago

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just try your best to not get any cranberry juice on your outfit, that stuff is damn near impossible to get out.

[–]benfay -4 points-3 points ago

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baby seals and clubs usually dont mix very well...

[–]wtfbenlol -2 points-1 points ago

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Looks like you could use a good pounding

[–]ILLestTOSS -4 points-3 points ago

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Seals can't get into clubs man

[–]turreterror -4 points-3 points ago

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Looks like the same thing I'm wearing after the club.

[–]CeilinBoots -1 points0 points ago

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awwwooooohhhhhhh......:(

[–]mankymarbles -4 points-3 points ago

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nicely done