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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]benndur 577 points578 points ago

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Anyone else read the "Guy's" part first because they noticed it was much shorter than the "Girl's"?

[–]outtsider 129 points130 points ago

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I did, and if I could have some how inferred what the girl diary said from the guy diary I wouldn't have read the girl diary at all. Unfortunately, after reading the guy diary I needed an explanation and was forced to ready the girls diary.

[–]Orimos 32 points33 points ago

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Yeah this happened to me too...

[–]BahktiFace 10 points11 points ago

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the guys part was just out of view, i had to scroll down when i finished reading the girls part. it was golden

[–]mrpoopfeast420 5 points6 points ago

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I used so much restraint in not doing that. It was nearly unbearable.

[–]snatchenvy 443 points444 points ago

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I like the length of that couch.

[–]evilted 252 points253 points ago

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perfect for married couples

[–][deleted] 215 points216 points ago

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Or tall people.

[–]lightleaves 169 points170 points ago

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I'm a tall person and I approve this comment.

[–]themystif 75 points76 points ago

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As another tall person, I second this!

[–]salty_b0b 63 points64 points ago

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As a third gargantuan person I issue an approving gesture.

[–]JerichoBlack 59 points60 points ago

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As a fourth vertically gifted person, I agree.

[–]Tashre 87 points88 points ago

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As someone who is closer than most people to our beloved Lord and Savior, Allah, I concur with these affirmations.

[–]SocratesDiedTrolling 49 points50 points ago

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As a sixth altitudinous organism, I approve this message.

[–]_I_AM_BATMAN_ 104 points105 points ago

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I am Batman!

[–]wishfulendeavors13 5 points6 points ago

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As a gravitationally challenged person... I say it's a bit spacey, don't you think?

[–]slickback503 10 points11 points ago

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As a reverse hobbit i must say I concur.

[–]zellthemedic 8 points9 points ago

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ZOOT SUIT RIOT, RIOT! THROW BACK A BOTTLE OF BEER!

[–]Nebulaoblivion 15 points16 points ago

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As a short person I feel left out.. so much space... so lonely..

[–]estherflyXD 5 points6 points ago

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Think of it as cuddle space. You could fit so many more of us short people on that couch.

[–]AllTattedUpJay 3 points4 points ago

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As a short person, how's the air up there guys?

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]arrjayjee 11 points12 points ago

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BLEEP BLOOP SON

BLEEP BLOOP

[–]AllTattedUpJay 1 point2 points ago

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what about 2 married people that are both tall?

[–]mi_nombre_es_ricardo 17 points18 points ago

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you can have A LOT of auditions right there.

[–]Afterburned 7 points8 points ago

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First thing I noticed. There is nowhere in my house that such a couch could exist. There simply isn't a single room large enough to fit it in, even without any other furniture.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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It's shot with a wide angled lens.

[–]othersomethings 19 points20 points ago

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It also has 4 cushions, implying extra length.

[–]santobar8 67 points68 points ago

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"Whats wrong?" "Nothing"

Those two are the beginning lines of almost every fight in a couple.

[–]bluegender03 17 points18 points ago

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-It can't be nothing, tell me!

- It's nothing!!! (and now you're mad)

-Then why are you upset!? Something's obviously bothering you!

[–]tfurf 6 points7 points ago

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Also, whenever "whatever" is dropped, I know it's game-the-fuck-over.

[–]greatidea311 73 points74 points ago

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Thank God...I thought I was the only one who confused erections with motorcycles

[–]B2k3 25 points26 points ago*

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Ugh, you can't start your motorcycle one time and all of a sudden you're not a man.

"Maybe I could start my motorcycle if you would change its oil once in a while!" I cried.

[–]thetoastmonster 1 point2 points ago

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Try giving it a suck-start.

[–]NatalieZyfers 976 points977 points ago

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Easy fucking solution. Instead of saying "nothing", tell her the motorcycle is broken.

[–]analgesia 278 points279 points ago

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The backstory here is that she didnt want him to have the motorcycle in the first place and instead of letting her win the argument by giving her another reason to hate the thing, he stays quiet. Wait this story is starting to sound familiar...

[–]ImScruffy 87 points88 points ago

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Ha! I know this story. I've been the main character in this one.

[–]qwertymaster 32 points33 points ago

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How did you find out about the motorcycle?

[–]ImScruffy 46 points47 points ago

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Guess I should have specified. Other main character. I picked up a project car and anytime anything went wrong it became a fight. Even the smallest of thing. "what? The charge pipe coupler tore? I told you this fucking car was a mistake." 10 min and $20 later we are good to go and she's still pissed at me.

[–]jamin_brook 27 points28 points ago

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The back story is that she loosened the spark plug on purpose so he wouldn't spend so much damn time riding his damn motorcycle.

[–]dariussquared 68 points69 points ago

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unpossible. the garage is not the kitchen.

[–]sleepyworm 14 points15 points ago

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I love comments that make me laugh and feel horrible simultaneously.

[–]Airazz 67 points68 points ago

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You see, it's more complicated than that. For example, on my normal daily commute from work I will think about the need to readjust the gears, check why the front suspension is squeaky, what's up with the Cookie Monster, when is the next Top Gear episode, how would it feel like if I jumped into a black hole wearing a very strong space suit, should I switch petrol from 95 to 98, I need new speakers for my PC, I wonder how much battery is left in my wireless mouse, I forgot to order that Spanish book from Amazon again, I should finish reading "The Zombie Survival Guide" and a thousand other things. If someone asks me what I'm thinking, I will obviously say "nothing", since it would take too long to explain why my train of thought looks more like a sparrow of thought.

[–][deleted] 83 points84 points ago

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Yeah, if someone asks, sure.

If a wife/girlfriend asks, that means she wants to know. It doesn't really matter what you say as long as it isn't "nothing." Just start telling her about what ever particular thing that was crossing your mind at that moment, or just say whatever the hell you want but when you're sitting their obviously deep in thought (even if it is just rambling day dreams) and you say you're not thinking anything it can send the wrong kind of message. You lied. She knows you lied, but she has no way of knowing why.

This tactic has worked for me quite well. I always answer this question by simply vocalizing whatever the hell random shit is going through my head. Sometimes it starts a good conversation. Usually she just looks at me like I'm a little crazy. Either way she knows I wasn't sitting their brooding about something that I want to hide from her, and that's what counts.

[–]HisPenguin[!] 30 points31 points ago

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If only more men were like you, it would save a lot of trouble. I've tried to explain this to my husband, but he just insists that if he says it's "nothing" then I should just take him at his word and not ask/worry anymore about it.

Not that I automatically assume he's hiding something from me. It's just that if something is distracting him so much to where he's hardly talking to me at all, I'm just interested to know what it is.

[–]DashingSpecialAgent 23 points24 points ago

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My problem (as a man) with this, is half the time my thought immediately goes "What am I thinking? Well I dunno... Now I'm thinking about what I'm thinking. But what was I thinking before? Well how long before, when she asked the question or 30 seconds ago when I went 'huh'? I don't know. maybe I should..." which is clearly easier to short circuit with "nothing". The other half of the time my thoughts are really quite simple to me but I would have to start with an explanation of theoretical particle physics and relativity in order to provide a background with which my SO could then understand what I was thinking about.

And a very small amount of the time I'm actually irritated about something (probably along the lines of "this stupid script won't work") and I just want to be left alone.

[–]HisPenguin[!] 7 points8 points ago

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In your first scenario I can see why "nothing" would be the easiest answer. My brain tends to do the same to me, so I would understand if my SO would just tell my his brain was wandering in that case, though.

With the theoretical particle physics stuff she would know thinking about, you could simply say you were thinking about something physics related, odds are if she knows nothing on the subject that would be that, no explanations or background would be needed.

And if you are irritated about something and wanted to be left alone, just say so :)

[–]profsnuggles 4 points5 points ago

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odds are if she knows nothing on the subject that would be that, no explanations or background would be needed.

I know my fiance would ask a follow-up question and then I would have to spend the next 5 minutes giving a physics lesson to someone who won't retain the information. It becomes a fruitless effort to involve them with my thoughts and the whole time I'm talking, the back of my mind is going: "This is stupid. I just went over this in my head. She isn't even going to understand this. I should have just picked a different subject."

I would rather say 'nothing' and not have to humor her with my rambling thoughts than spend the effort filling her in.

(I love my fiance very much by the way.)

[–]Krackor 2 points3 points ago

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It's like a collapsing wave function. As soon as you try to think of what you're thinking about, it's impossible to describe accurately.

[–]sleepyworm 8 points9 points ago

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Definitely good advice. Say what's on your mind!

I tried this with my ex, and she often got weirded out by what I had on my mind. Some guys would think this means they should shut up about their thoughts...I would posit that perhaps they should, as I did, make that person their ex.

[–]Pelican_bishop 6 points7 points ago

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that's my philosophy as well. if getting along with someone depends on self-censorship and omission, I don't care to get along with that someone. they sound weak and lame.

[–]StabbyPants 2 points3 points ago

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Tried that. GF handed me a penny (because she can't actually say 'what's on your mind'), and I'm driving. Driving = zen moment, so the actual answer is nothing is on my mind, and she then proceeds to demand that I tell her something I'm thinking of.

[–]Gark32 7 points8 points ago

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sparrow of thought

YOINK

[–]othersomethings 3 points4 points ago

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What IS up with the Cookie Monster, man? I hope he's doing OK, always seemed a little on the unstable side, to me.

[–]i_fap_faps 413 points414 points ago

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But is that an analogy for something? Sometimes i feel he loves his motorcycle more than i do? Maybe he should just be with somebody who likes motorcycles. Because his motorcycle is broken he ignores me. So i can only have a nice boyfriend while his motorcycle is working. I think the motorcycle is an analogy to how he wants to always be left alone, there's no room for a pillion. If he bought a van i would see hope for our future but alas...

[–][deleted] 44 points45 points ago

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As someone who has a motorcycle, I can assure you I love it more than any other woman.

[–]ZansibarStanley 33 points34 points ago

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Of course, it lets you ride it anytime you want and it makes you feel free.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points ago

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If I had to have one choice between sex and motorcycles, motorcycles win everytime, without hesitation.

[–]Second_Foundationeer 24 points25 points ago

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Or make your wife make vroom vroom sounds while you ride her to work?

[–]Manitcor 141 points142 points ago

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Gotta love the logic there, she has a bad day at work or something and your nearly guaranteed to get the same kind of treatment if she doesn't want to let it out quite yet.

When she does it you are supposed to be understanding.

When you do it, you are distant, or an asshole.

[–]ailish 70 points71 points ago

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Or people could just start being mature, reasonable adults.

Scenario One:

Wife is being bitchy when she comes home from work.

Husband: What's wrong honey?

Wife: Just a bad day at work.

Husband: I'm sorry. Do you want to talk about it?

Wife: Not really. Let's just watch TV.

Husband: Okay!

Scenario Two:

Husband is being distant and absent.

Wife: What's wrong honey?

Husband: My motorcycle isn't working and I can't figure out the problem.

Wife: I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do to help?

Husband: Nah. Let's just watch TV.

Wife: Okay!

There, problem solved in both cases.

[–]AnBoat 71 points72 points ago

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Scenario Three:

Husband is being distant and absent.

Wife: What's wrong honey?

Husband: The TV isn't working and I can't figure out the problem.

Wife: I'm sorry, is there anything I can do to help?

Husband: Nah, let's just wa.. oh... yeah it's broke

Wife: Ermm...

OH GOD WHAT DO THEY DO NOW?

[–]ailish 58 points59 points ago

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File divorce papers.

[–]polarbz 34 points35 points ago

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Hit the Facebook.

[–]mrSalamander 36 points37 points ago

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Delete the gym

[–]Thick-McRunFast 11 points12 points ago

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Sagan up!

[–]FistOfFacepalm 2 points3 points ago

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and watch The Cosmos with Carl Lawyer?

[–]NameTak3r 2 points3 points ago

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Lawyer up, according to Reddit.

[–]duhduhduhduhduh 3 points4 points ago

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Sex?

[–]Deafiler 2 points3 points ago

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Sex, of course.

[–]theleprechaun69 12 points13 points ago

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...You just applied "the logic" to a strawman made up quote....

[–]SkyHops 88 points89 points ago

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How about the concept of being open, honest and genuine all the time with your spouse, regardless of the size of the issue. Good behavior can breed good behavior.

I feel the husband is being quite the jerk for not even showing the slightest sensitivity to his wife's concern. It's a small thing, why not just tell her.

[–]Corrupt_Reverend 56 points57 points ago

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I think I read the situation differently. He wasn't upset about the motorcycle, his mind was just preoccupied with trying to figure out why it wouldn't start.

She never asked what he was thinking about or anything along those lines. She just asked what was wrong. Nothing was wrong, he was just deep in thought.

I've been in this type of situation with various projects and past girlfriends. My mind goes into troubleshoot mode until I can figure out a solution to the problem. Even after explaining this, they would continue to think I was upset. ಠ_ಠ

[–]Singulaire 4 points5 points ago

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Same here, with the added bonus that I have a really miserable facial expression when my brain is occupied. Back in school teachers always thought I was a troubled kid.

There should be a support group for guys like us.

[–]coolsilver 8 points9 points ago

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yup been there

[–]grizzlymann 85 points86 points ago

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Probably didn't realize such a small thing would be such a big deal.

[–]Legsformiles 18 points19 points ago

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Well, it wouldn't have been a big deal if once she asked if everyone was okay, he simply replied, "eh, motorcycle won't run."

It's basic communication skills.

[–]Sumidor 9 points10 points ago

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He doesn't even know its a big deal since he never gave her any indication of it. She is jumping to conclusions. He might think its not important to complain about the motorcycle to her since its just a random thing even tho it is bothering him. So even if the motorcycle is broken he can still say everything is ok when asked.

[–]Beldam 6 points7 points ago

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Yeah. I don't see why it's that hard to talk about what you're doing or what you're thinking about. Both parties in a relationship should talk to each other. I don't see the point of being together if you don't talk.

[–]movie_man 14 points15 points ago

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This works only when you're significant other is a reasonable, intelligent person.

[–]LockeWatts 27 points28 points ago

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If they're not, aren't you doing it wrong?

[–]movie_man 2 points3 points ago

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Doing what wrong? Relationships?

I'm not in one right now, I was just speaking in general. But yes if you're significant other is not reasonable but you are, then it's time to find someone who find someone who validates you.

[–]KuchiKobe 4 points5 points ago

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in my opinion. when both does it. Both are being assholes.

[–]isotope123 44 points45 points ago

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We project onto others what we know of ourselves. Keep that in mind and read it again.

[–]moonshine_express 6 points7 points ago

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This is probably the best comment here. I haven't read them all yet, but this is definitely the most spot-on one I've read yet.

Edit: yes, yes it is in fact the best comment.

[–]sleepyworm 2 points3 points ago

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I call bullshit on this edit! Though I quite concur about the comment.

[–]moonshine_express 3 points4 points ago

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you caught me! I used a cheap ploy to reinforce the strength of my comment... MUAHAHAHHAHAA

[–]skelterjohn 25 points26 points ago

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Why come up with a solution if there is no noticeable signal that there is a problem?

[–]dumbledorkus 36 points37 points ago

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"Is something wrong?" and "Are you upset with me?" are pretty solid signifiers that there is a problem.

[–]Tetchy 20 points21 points ago

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Seriously. Just saying the exact line that he entered into the diary would have solved multiple problems:

She would have felt soothed.

They could have collaborated to try and figure out what was wrong (even if you don't think she would know how, she might have a coupon for a place that could fix it or something)

[–]DanMach 22 points23 points ago

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Oh my christ.. a COUPON?! Do you not understand the sheer unbreakable bond between Man and Machine?! One does not simply WALK into a mechanics shop. One must exhaust a retarded amount of effort, energy, and money before finally collapsing in there and dealing with there smug ass attitudes.

God.. I can't believe you wrote the coupon thing. Wow.

[–]AlSpeer 31 points32 points ago

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Hey, maybe the coupon entitles you to 15% more condescension?

[–]DanMach 2 points3 points ago

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oooh SNAP! No you didn't!

[–]bchillerr 198 points199 points ago

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FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW:

[–]epenthesis 201 points202 points ago

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RE: FW: FW: RE: LOL MEN AND WOMEN ARE SO DIFFERENT!!1@! (TRU!!!)

[–]DoctorElectron 6 points7 points ago

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Hey Jarrod...I kinda like receiving these...but could you BCC everyone instead of putting us in the To: list?

It's just there are a couple people on that list...that we both know are names I just don't need to see.

Thanks Jarrod.

Anjulie

[–]NotCoffeeTable 207 points208 points ago*

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One reason I love my girlfriend.

Her: "you're quiet today"

Me: "I can't stop thinking about [current programming project problem]"

Her: "Oh, go work on it! I have [one of her projects] I've been meaning to do. Meet back in an hour?"

Hour later COMMENCE SEXY TIME.

She's also kind of a genius in my opinion and is a good soundboard. With a cursory explanation of the project she can ask questions that probe my assumptions.

[–]DrEagle 159 points160 points ago

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Try marrying her

[–][deleted] 123 points124 points ago

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But be sure to catch any exceptions.

[–]NotCoffeeTable 78 points79 points ago

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haha

try {
  LifeGoals.marry(NotCoffeeTable, DreamGirl);
} catch (e:Error) {
  trace(e.info);
}

Undefined symbol DreamGirl on line 2

okay face

[–]LockeWatts 119 points120 points ago

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I stared at this for the longest time trying to figure out what "NotCoffeeTable" was supposed to be before I glanced at your username.

[–]DashingSpecialAgent 47 points48 points ago

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I would have been caught in the same trap if not for your comment. Thank you.

[–]porwegiannussy 37 points38 points ago

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Having only a vague understanding of programming I thought he meant "Do Not Marry Coffee Table, instead, Marry Dream Girl."

[–]pajam 2 points3 points ago

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I usually throw that code into everything I do, just to be safe. It's a trick jedberg taught me from his leet html hacker skills. I never want my programs to accidentally marry the coffee table again.

[–]Hazasoul 2 points3 points ago

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As a programmer, that was what I thought he meant until I read LockeWatts' comment.

[–]Poorly_Timed_Optimus 13 points14 points ago*

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if IQ > 120 && gay != 1
{
    dateher = 1
    if redditor = 1 && honest = 1
    {
        wifeher = 1
    }
    else if hot = 1
    {
         tapthat = 1
    }
    else
    {
        friendher = 1
    }
}
else
{
    roll_out = 1
}

[–]neoice 10 points11 points ago

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==

[–]MaxHammer 2 points3 points ago

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If you're not honest and she's not hot then you're stuck dating her. I recommend a friendher in that state.

[–]follier 1 point2 points ago

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You could try the Stills Method:

try {  
  LifeGoals.with(NotCoffeeTable, OneYouLove);
} catch (exception) {
  LifeGoals.love(NotCoffeeTable, OneYouWith); 
} catch (IOexception) { 
  Forever.alone(NotCoffeeTable)
}

[–]NotCoffeeTable 19 points20 points ago

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Its in the plans, but we need to finish graduate school.

[–]amyisgonnakillme 58 points59 points ago

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This kills the sex life.

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points ago

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Marriage or graduate school?

[–]Lasmrah 81 points82 points ago

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Yes.

[–]Gback 6 points7 points ago

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I laughed at this a lot longer than I probably should have.

Then I cried.

[–]AlSpeer 2 points3 points ago

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Why do you need to finish grad school first? Money thing?

[–]NotCoffeeTable 13 points14 points ago

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Ease of living together thing. Neither of us are in graduate school yet and so aren't sure where we'll be. Also she wants to be out of school and financially independent before she gets married.

[–]Legsformiles 1 point2 points ago

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If your relationship falls apart post-marriage, you're doing it wrong.

[–]imrickjamesbyach 24 points25 points ago

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The loneliness... It hurts.

[–]NotCoffeeTable 28 points29 points ago

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I was alone for 3 years before her, and I took the time to explore and make mistakes on my own. it sucked at times, and I got turned down several times.

Find something you can spend hours doing that is productive and do it. People are attracted to passionate people. The more I was into doing my own thing, the more people were interested in talking to me.

[–]ayaPapaya 5 points6 points ago

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..and the less you need to rely on others for happiness or stimulation. Good pep talk, thanks!

[–]EmptyAndFrantic 8 points9 points ago

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I try to do the same thing, but my boyfriend gets mad at me and tells me to stay. :/

[–]NotCoffeeTable 5 points6 points ago*

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Either he wants you to distract him, or he's worried that you're leaving because you're mad. IMO

I should also say, the night we started dating we committed to being completely open with our feelings/thoughts. So we've got a good habit going.

[–]SpaceRook 15 points16 points ago

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It's nice when girls have their own interests.

[–]NotCoffeeTable 19 points20 points ago

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If a girl doesn't have any interests they can talk passionately about then I have a hard time doing a second date. Too many people these days don't take time forming themselves outside of a relationship and don't know what to do in their own time other than talk to someone else.

[–]Mygirlfriendisacat 21 points22 points ago

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My girlfriend goes crazy if I don't make dinner. But everything is fine after she hears the can opener.

[–]k1290 14 points15 points ago

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Sounds like your girlfriend is a dog or a cat.

[–]Alyeska2112 8 points9 points ago

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His Diary:

I'm Bruce Willis, and I've been dead all along.

FTFY

[–]hjfreyer 8 points9 points ago

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This is some sexist bullshit right here. I've got some composition notebooks full of counter-evidence.

[–]bearodactylrak 39 points40 points ago

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Men are like HERP DE DERP. Women are like DERP DE HERP. HYUK HYUK.

[–]beltaine 5 points6 points ago

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Ahaha, I love it.

Oh and, Happy Birthday! :D

[–]angelkely1213 25 points26 points ago

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Good, good, let the sexism flow through you...

[–]Eternitras 12 points13 points ago

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Switch that and that's how I am. I'm such a pussy. And I get girls that just don't give a FUCK.

[–]CacophonyForever 233 points234 points ago

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LOLOLOL MEN ARE SIMPLE AND ONLY CARE ABOUT LOGICAL THINGS AND HAVE NO EMOTIONS, HAHAHA

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]All4TheBest 24 points25 points ago

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Seriously, fuck this "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" bullshit.

[–]OhGarraty 7 points8 points ago

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EMOTIONS, HOW DO THEY WORK?

[–]timefortheinternet 18 points19 points ago

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bitches, amirite?

[–]Ajdiv 24 points25 points ago

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I'm almost positive the woman was in a much worse light there.

[–]WezVC 171 points172 points ago

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Actually, I think the point is that women think too much about everything.

[–]EmptyAndFrantic 108 points109 points ago

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I got the point that women are supposed to be insane and over-think everything, and men are supposed to be stupid and only care about motorcycles.

(I don't believe any of that; just pointing out what I thought it was saying.)

[–]iamrory 93 points94 points ago

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To be fair, motorcycles are pretty rad.

[–]EmptyAndFrantic 8 points9 points ago

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True. :p

[–]thornae 17 points18 points ago

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I've always liked Dave Barry's version.

[–]Drowlord101 2 points3 points ago

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Overall a much more entertaining variant!

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points ago

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Ive met guys worse then the girl in this comic........

[–]ianandris 11 points12 points ago

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Yup. I realized laetly that I'm one of them. Kinda blows, tbh. Would like to be level headed/not give a shit/ not assume shit is wrong when it isn't, but I'm, apparently, neurotic as hell. Fuck.

[–]floodslayer 159 points160 points ago

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I liked the part where it implied that all women are self-absorbed, dramatic, flighty and lacking in self-confidence. Almost as good as the bit where it implied all men are jocky, brooding, and insensitive.

[–][deleted] 40 points41 points ago

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I like the part where it's a fucking joke that plays on stereotypes of gender roles and behaviors, just like every other joke in the fucking world.

[–]waffleburner 11 points12 points ago

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[–]jeffhughes 21 points22 points ago

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Okay then, so it's clichéed and boring then. Better?

[–]aflyingkiwi 14 points15 points ago

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So? That doesn't make it any better.

[–]SpecialKRJ 2 points3 points ago

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KIWIS CAN'T FLY-- oh, the fruit. Carry on.

[–]raysofdarkmatter 10 points11 points ago

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I liked the part where you stereotyped motorcycle riders as douchy jocks.

[–]analgesia 28 points29 points ago

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Anyone else wondering why he even has a diary? ಠ_ಠ

[–]ocdad 32 points33 points ago

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"Beer & Firearm Log" is acceptable.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

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Its a JOURNAL.

And its what he uses to save his progress.

Motorcycle Won't Start

Story Progress (68%)

10/28/2011

[–]AlSpeer 5 points6 points ago

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I have a hunting diary to retain my accumulated knowledge better.

[–]SergeantTibbs 35 points36 points ago

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Oh, hey. I recognize this.

  • Women complicate things, worry, and cry over nothing
  • Men are simple, don't empathize, and don't share.

Doesn't matter your gender, sexism is fucking boring by now.

[–]radams713 12 points13 points ago

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Sexism, hilarious!

[–]triptrap 7 points8 points ago

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As far as attachment to a penis is concerned, I'm the male in my relationship. That's about as far as the parallel goes with this cliché shit. I have to wonder what weird universe people live in that they upvote something like this. Not mine, that's for sure.

It's always different. Every relationship. Every time. Every coupling, tripling, quadtripling and so forth.

I expect less inbox thinking from Reddit. Probably it's the Diggtards upvoting.

Now I'm for the downvote. Fuck you all.

[–]oskee80 102 points103 points ago

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How about when she asks what's wrong, he tells her. Love how this is meant to get a "women are crazy" reaction, when 10 seconds of communicating like an adult from the guy would put the issue to rest.

OMG, WOMEN ARE CRAZY!

[–]Slayer706 93 points94 points ago

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"What's wrong?"

"My motorcycle won't start, and I can't figure out why."

"Why can't you just tell me what's really bothering you?"

[–]madbatter 29 points30 points ago

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"Haha, seriously baby the bike's acting up. I hope I can fix it; the mechanic would charge me a fortune."

"Oh, really? Sorry to hear that! I'm sure you'll fix it, honey."

Dunno where all you people are finding these nutcases but that's how it would play out for me.

[–]oskee80 28 points29 points ago

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If she starts to wax philosophical and thinks a broken motorcycle is a metaphor for your relationship, then yeah she MIGHT have issues.

[–]Madness_As_Muse 37 points38 points ago

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Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance?

[–]NanoSexBee 5 points6 points ago

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I never thought I'd see someone mention this novel in this thread, kudos.

[–]inthemud 3 points4 points ago

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This reminds of Mark Twain's diaries of Adam and Eve. That shit is hilarious. Especially when they have the first kid.

[–]Gygaxxor 5 points6 points ago

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(In a really annoying voice) "WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS, MEN ARE FROM MARS"

[–]blart_history 36 points37 points ago

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Damn, this was really lame.

[–]snoopycool 12 points13 points ago

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Nice try girl with diary.

[–]greenways 6 points7 points ago

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clean the carb.

[–]Syberduh 4 points5 points ago

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Control-f "carb"

Oh good. Someone else has already fixed this man's relationship.

[–]TheLibertinistic 5 points6 points ago

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It's funny because women are monsters made of feelings and boys only care about machines!

Fuck this post.

[–][deleted] 24 points25 points ago

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Hey guys! This is so funny because women like to communicate and worry when guys seem aloof or distracted because they care about the guys emotions as well as theirs, but guys just care about fixing their motorcycle!

Man, those crazy women, always caring about stuff and things.

Hahahahahahahah. Ha.

[–]Mysterions 2 points3 points ago

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you know if there's "something wrong" I always ask my girlfriend about it. But she never tells me - she just gets even quieter. It's really frustrating. I've sorta figured my way through it though. I figure she's just "in a mood" and the best thing I can do is be gentle, ask her about (but don't press her) and give her plenty of space. It usually works.

[–]ikuyok 2 points3 points ago

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It is true what they say: Women are from Omicron Persei 7, men are from Omicron Persei 9.

[–]real-dreamer 4 points5 points ago

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Why wouldn't he tell her his motorcycle wouldn't start? She wants to communicate with him. sigh

[–]greenymile 19 points20 points ago

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Two women are chatting in an office.

Woman 1: "I had sex last night, did you?"

Woman 2: "Yes."

Woman 1: "Was it good?"

Woman 2: "No, it was a disaster... my husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes, got on top of me, finished having sex in five minutes, rolled over and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?"

Woman 1: "Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house and we had an hour of foreplay. We then had an hour long session of fantastic sex and afterwards talked for an hour. It was like a fairytale!"

At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.

Husband 1: "You wanted sex last night, how was it?"

Husband 2: "Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate, had sex with my wife and fell asleep. It was great! What about you?"

Husband 1: "It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner because they cut the electricity because I hadn't paid the bill; so I had to take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn't have money left for a cab. We had to walk home which took an hour - and when we got home I remembered there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house! I was so angry that I couldn't get it up for an hour and then I couldn't climax for another hour. After I finally did, I was so aggravated that I couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!"

[–]Pravusmentis 5 points6 points ago

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Man I don't know how many times I've seen a joke on reddit that was later turned into an imgur post for extra karma, I think that I'll do that if I decide I want lots of karma.

[–]AlcoholicZebra 5 points6 points ago

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What is this? Karma for ants? It needs to be at least...3 times more!

[–]blueyb 71 points72 points ago

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What many people in this thread want you to believe:

Man: "No, it's nothing with you, it's my motorcycle. It won't start, I've been thinking about it all night"

Woman: "Oh, ok... I was worried it was something to do with us. I'm relieved, now, so I'll leave you some alone time for a bit to ponder your mechanical issues."

~~~~~~~~ Reality:

Man: "No, it's nothing with you, it's my motorcycle. It won't start, I've been thinking about it all night"

Woman: "Again with that Fucking TOY of yours? You spend all your goddamn time on that thing. Why don't you grow up and sell it like a REAL grown-up would? You have way too many things that need fixing around this house for you to spend time on your bullshit! If you cared about me at all, I wouldn't even need to say any of this!"

[–][deleted] 36 points37 points ago

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It's all about context.

The first scenario is a more or less realistic expectation of a healthy relationship (though people would obviously not speak in such stilted, robotic terms).

The second scenario is what happens when people aren't happy in a relationship, and therefore ask questions like this only because they are looking for a fight.

I've lived both. Don't hang on to #2. It's a lot of stress and bullshit you do not need. Go find someone you can actually get along with.

tl;dr: If you have to lie to your gf/bf/spouse in order to avoid a fight like that either seek counseling or get the fuck out.

[–]Breepop 220 points221 points ago

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Sounds like you've had some terrible experiences in relationships. I'm sorry.

[–]Grimsterr 27 points28 points ago

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He done went and stuck his dick and crazy a time or two, I bet.

[–]mediaman2 80 points81 points ago

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If this is a realistic scenario for you -- or for any other redditors reading it -- please know that there are many, many women who behave civilly and not like the above comment. You have the freedom to say 'no' and leave the relationship: don't feel trapped in the belief that it must be that way.

[–]mistermick 49 points50 points ago

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I agree with this. No matter how much my fiancee doesn't understand a technical problem I'm having with a toy, or maybe she doesn't even think I should have got it in the first place, she will always, without fail, say the following words:

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

... and I melt.

[–]psycho45 24 points25 points ago

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she sounds like a wonderful person! i feel like so many redditors tend to think when girls want to know whats going on when our guy says "nothing", its because we're insecure and needy. I think generally, with normal girls, they ask because they see that something is bothering the guy or causing the guy to be in deep thought and all they want to do is see if they can help or at least have that deep/interesting thought be shared (out of curiosity).

[–]Legsformiles 20 points21 points ago

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This is what my boyfriend says! I'm the academic type and he's the creative type. There's no way when I am pulling my hair out over policy drafts that he could actually help me, but the thought makes me realize we are two reasonable adults in a relationship based on mutual respect. I wish more dudes of Reddit could experience that (it may lessen the amount of misogyny these types of posts harbour).

[–]isuphysics 27 points28 points ago

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Man that must suck to be married to that. My wife was as excited as me when I wanted a motorcycle. She said I could get it on one condition; I take her for rides regularly.

[–]Sullivan77 21 points22 points ago

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If this is your reality, I am very sorry.

[–]me_jayne 67 points68 points ago

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What you want to believe: All the men are cool, reasonable, eternally oppressed dudes and all women are crazy bitches.

Reality: You are full of shit.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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What? Most women I know actually care if something is bugging you and want to help. Stop spewing this misogynist bullshit just because you are bitter with your relationship.

[–]jasmaree 43 points44 points ago

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Sounds like someone's had a hard time with women.

[–]maddietheasshole 5 points6 points ago

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the reason you find crazy assholes to date is because you're a crazy asshole yourself. have fun not being happy, unless you stop being a sexist pig.

[–]CircEnthusiast 8 points9 points ago

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More like:

Woman: "Are you sure nothing's bothering you? You're really distant."

Man: "How about you shut the fuck up and let me think? Yeah, I have shit on my mind, and if I wanted to tell you about it I'd have told you about it, and I can't fucking think with your screechy-ass voice in my ear. Jesus christ, are you seriously making pasta again? This is fucking ridiculous, I'm going to Robby's. I'm turning off my phone and I'll be late. Keep the door unlocked."

[–]alphamini 1 point2 points ago

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LOL - guys are so simple and girls are so deep. Why can't they just get along?

/s

[–]Sinopsis 1 point2 points ago

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I have heard this story...so...damn...much

[–]Hurtssogood635 1 point2 points ago

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haha this is hilarious

[–]littlestghoust 1 point2 points ago

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I don't know if I am like that...mainly cuz I totally get lost in my thoughts for hours...

[–]blackgrrl23 1 point2 points ago

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I would have just let him ride me then ride my motorcycle until his was fixed...no big deal...