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all 65 comments

[–]Kloosty 83 points84 points ago

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"Now I elevate" Classic line.

[–]butterisbetter 7 points8 points ago

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I'm already thinking of ways to use it.

[–]blastfromtheblue 10 points11 points ago

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you're back from your first semester at wizard school. it's christmas morning, and your parents are grinning to each other in eager anticipation as you unwrap your gift. they know how far apart your classes are, and have given you a brand new bike. it's red and black with bells and shit on it.

as you tear off the last bit of candy-cane wrapping paper, your mom says "well, what do you think? we saved up for months to be able to afford this for you! :)"

little did she know, however, that your favorite class was levitation. you really excelled in levitation, and consequently you just fucking fly everywhere you need to. so you stand up and lift the bike up above your head, and just throw it out the window, shards of broken window glass falling with the bike all the way down 25 stories to the base of your apartment building. your parents are aghast as the bike ends up a mangled heap on the sidewalk.

you throw the end of your scarf over your shoulder, flourish your wizard cape, and jump out of the window, before levitating back to look back into the crummy apartment. you put on a pair of badass mirror shades and say "bitch, now I elevate", and then you fly the fuck out over the city and start peeing on everything. fuck bikes and fuck finishing your degree, all you really ever wanted out of life was to fly around peeing on everything.

[–]butterisbetter 6 points7 points ago

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I was sort of thinking of ways to actually use it in my life. But thanks.

[–]generaltimtim 1 point2 points ago

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But...but your parents? They saved for months.

[–]Alderman55 3 points4 points ago

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'Now I levitate' how I read it.

[–]JoshTay 51 points52 points ago

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For those who have not been to DC, they have some of the longest escalators I have ever seen going down to the subway.

[–]shanz1891 15 points16 points ago

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today the escalator was out at tenleytown. i nearly died.

[–]mollaby38 6 points7 points ago

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If you're an AU student you should be used to it by now.

[–]1000ports 0 points1 point ago

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I do NOT miss going up and down that one, or Bethesda or Wheaton.

Also did not realise other AUers were on here.

[–]parles 9 points10 points ago

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especially Dupont Circle. they also have a cool Walt Whitman quote inscribed on one of the entrances

[–]dmsheldon87 10 points11 points ago

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fun fact: rosslyn has the third longest escalator in the world.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]hopeNsorrow 2 points3 points ago

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Well good thing you only experienced it once. When I worked at NIH, it was down at least twice a month. All 3 lanes.

[–]me_jayne 1 point2 points ago

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I just got here, don't scare me.

[–]hopeNsorrow 1 point2 points ago

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Hmm there's this one time I had to stay late after work, and about half an hour later I hear on the news that there was a collision on the Red Line and a couple of people died from the crash. If I got off work on time, I could've been on one of those metros. True story.

All joking aside, there's a elevator that always works at the Medical Center stop. Just look for a bunch of people waiting by it next time the escalators are down, and you won't miss it.

[–]jbatch0311 8 points9 points ago

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Metro*

[–]Derekswang 2 points3 points ago

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I've been on it. Its amazing

[–]Stuewe 1 point2 points ago

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And some of the steepest I have ever seen as well.

[–]TheifsTheme 0 points1 point ago

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replace the word escalator with ejaculator and this post makes alot more sense

[–]WeMeetAgain 25 points26 points ago

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Some things just need to re-posted. Makes me laugh every time.

[–]iScreme 6 points7 points ago

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The 'we had to walk over people' line just validates it's legitimacy... kek.

[–]homageofreason 7 points8 points ago

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This is a video about what this guy is talking about: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=E3LVeDd3I60

[–]Losjim 5 points6 points ago

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it sounds like a terrifying experience...

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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Fallout 3 has taught me so much about DC

[–]ryguy579 3 points4 points ago

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As funny as this sounds, there are some huge ass escalators in DC.

Dupont Circle escalator

And as other posters have said, it's not even the biggest one, not even close!

[–]poobly 2 points3 points ago

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Classic Cowboys fan in D.C. Pretty much nailed it.

[–]ecto1ajon 1 point2 points ago

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I had just gotten off the foggy bottom escalator when it collapsed. Scary shit. Now I always elevate.

[–]1000ports 0 points1 point ago

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It what?

[–]tha_ape 1 point2 points ago

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DC Metro Escalators... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYQoVz0XVxM

(After the Colbert/Stewart Rally)

[–]holycrapitsaaron 1 point2 points ago

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DC escalator outages are pretty hilarious/depressing. I've seen people having full-fledged conniptions about halfway up the "temporary stairs" over it. And then folks stampede over to the lone elevator (which is there for the handicapped) only to have it crap out because they overload it.

[–]stahnma 2 points3 points ago

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But it can only become stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

[–]I_r_redditmans 4 points5 points ago

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Except the stairs are a billion feet high. :(

[–]fadedsun 0 points1 point ago

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That is a her long escalator. It nay be the longest in the world

[–]poobly 2 points3 points ago

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Actually the longest on the Metro system is Wheaton: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Escalator#Longest_individual_escalators

[–]tha_ape 0 points1 point ago

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DAMN! You're right, I was gonna swear it was Rosslyn

[–]BlackDeath1 0 points1 point ago

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ಠ_ಠ

[–]mouthdrummer 0 points1 point ago

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That KID is on the ESCALATOR again!

[–]Knifeslitswater 0 points1 point ago

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[–]JordyMOOcow 0 points1 point ago

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I remember one time, back in '95, I was enjoying a nice escalator ride, about halfway through, it suddenly stopped. I, along with 13 other passengers were stuck for nearly 2 hours until the firefighters could reach us. I try not to think about it...

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Why didn't you just use the stairs that the escalator became?

[–]3dem 0 points1 point ago

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that kid is on the escalator again

[–]Shinsvaka93 0 points1 point ago

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NSFL

[–]jewbaby[!] 0 points1 point ago

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HAHAHAHA imagine him saying it like this

[–]everycredit 0 points1 point ago

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Have you ever taken the Dupont Circle escalator? If it broke down, you'd elevate too.

[–]End_Of_Circles 0 points1 point ago

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I would not recommend going to DC for the escalator. But, if you are already there?

It is certainly more enjoyable than looking at the Constitution. Every time I go the line is terrible, and you can only look for a few seconds before you are pushed onward.

[–]Lord_Von_Fappington 0 points1 point ago

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Elevators! Round up.

[–]lobstahfi 0 points1 point ago

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Oh Dupont circle metro escalator. I remember having to walk up you in heels when you broke down, wearing my outfit for Rocky Horror. I was not a happy camper. Also the one at medical center still gives me vertigo

[–]the__itis 0 points1 point ago

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I live in DC.......... some pretty freak shit has happened on the metro escalators....

[–]LaNyan 0 points1 point ago

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I don't want to live on this planet any more...

[–]BiohazardBlaze 0 points1 point ago

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When I was about 4 years old, I used to jump off a downward escalator a couple of steps from the bottom.

One day I tried to do it from too-high up and my Dad grabbed my arm as I jumped. He caught me, but my shoulder also popped out of its socket.

Went to the doctor to pop it back in.

[–]jrjuls21 0 points1 point ago

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Why does the guy in DC have a Dallas cowboys hat?

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]poobly 3 points4 points ago

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Incorrect, the #1 sports team in D.C. is the Redskins even though the Capitals are doing well and the Ravens were/are doing well. Odds are this guy is born and raised in D.C. and is just a Cowboys fan because they were good in the '90s. He's probably also a Yankees fan and a Lakers fan. Lots of douchey bandwagon jumpers in D.C.

[–]shitterplug 0 points1 point ago

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That is like the best escalator story...

[–]rowanm 0 points1 point ago

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'An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.'

Mitch Hedberg

[–]boneheadie -1 points0 points ago

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Had to be a cowboys fan..:/

[–]Funkasaurus24 -1 points0 points ago

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Escalators can never break.. They can only become stairs:

Escalator temporarily stairs, sorry for the convenience

[–]_pagan_poetry_ -2 points-1 points ago

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I think this could be a fantastic AskReddit subject.

[–]Knight5 -4 points-3 points ago

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Oh heaven forbid somebody has to walk a few feet.

[–]jammbin 2 points3 points ago

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Those escalators are really really big and steep. It's not unwalkable but it could easily take someone 20 minutes to get up the stairs, especially annoying if you are carrying a bag or in a rush (like everyone in DC is).

[–]dirty_fingers -2 points-1 points ago

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He even looks like a retard.