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all 89 comments

[–]joeybagodonuts 55 points56 points ago

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Fuckin' wrestling... the only sport you get disqualified in for getting a boner...

[–]kalei50 31 points32 points ago

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TIL...

[–]DiscoDonkey 13 points14 points ago

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Couldn't you use it as some sort of club?

[–]Perturbed_Spartan 7 points8 points ago

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wrastleing

[–]Finwe 7 points8 points ago

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wrasslin'

[–]yellowcub 2 points3 points ago

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wrasslin' u hear me?

[–]SheaF91 15 points16 points ago

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I would think a boner would be necessary for that.

[–]musclerunner 1 point2 points ago

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That's why I don't wrestle anymore.

[–]Glebun 1 point2 points ago

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[–]Aitioma 0 points1 point ago

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I said it once and I will say it again and defend my opinion until death:

Wrestling is the gayest sport in human history.

(Except for gay wrestling.)

[–]ziby 1 point2 points ago

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It's also the oldest sport in human history.

[–]jutct 0 points1 point ago

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Well that makes sense because gay is fairly old too

[–]Ad-rock -3 points-2 points ago

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[–]joeybagodonuts 2 points3 points ago

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real wrestling...

[–]Ad-rock -1 points0 points ago

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you mean like, greco-roman?

[–]joeybagodonuts 0 points1 point ago

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yes.

[–]mattwzito 100 points101 points ago

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Reminds me of this. http://i.imgur.com/pZGIN.png

4Chan.

[–]Didub 55 points56 points ago

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That's just a tad less believable.

[–]zacktyzwyz 105 points106 points ago

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Yeah he left out "burned my tongue" after eating the hot pocket

[–]GiantSquidd 6 points7 points ago

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Which part?

[–]XWUWTR 21 points22 points ago

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Sleeping well after eating a hot pocket.

[–]upgrayedd08 2 points3 points ago

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... until an eruption of acid reflux squirts up your esophagus. Wait until you get older.

[–]ThePolishCatt 1 point2 points ago

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I would assume it's the go home part.

[–]i_fap_faps 7 points8 points ago

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That was the biggest piece of shit i have ever encountered.

[–]nofear220 4 points5 points ago

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This happens like every other day for me

[–]newbi1kenobi 7 points8 points ago

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TIL: performance enhancing boners beat black kids

[–]AnsheShem 30 points31 points ago

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This story seems highly unlikely, as it is extremely difficult to run with an erection.

[–]Sliyaroh 53 points54 points ago

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Not from a bear. Just saying, that's all.

[–]PsychoKuros 10 points11 points ago

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You gotta stop raping bears.

[–]ThePain 24 points25 points ago

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Bears should stop dressing like that.

[–]TesticleToe 5 points6 points ago

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BEARSLUTWALK 2011

[–]toast_recon 2 points3 points ago

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URSLUTWALK 2011

FTFY

[–]keristafere 0 points1 point ago

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Not to be confused with URSULAWALK 2011, which I hear is popular among the Swiss

[–]Thumbz8 15 points16 points ago

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It's even harder to try and run from one without having an erection.

[–]Slnt 2 points3 points ago

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SHAKE THAT BEAR

[–]OccasionallyClueless 14 points15 points ago

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I usually lose the erection before/as I start a race. I have practiced with a boner, and let me just tell you, it feels good, man.

[–]Slnt 0 points1 point ago

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I have never run with an erection and I was a nationally ranked half miler while in high school. Well I have run with an erection just not during a sanctioned race.

[–]AnsheShem 0 points1 point ago

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What on earth? You practiced running with a boner...?

[–]poompt 19 points20 points ago

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Not everyone lets their boners control their life. That is what separates man from beast.

[–]jutct 0 points1 point ago

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Where is this man you speak of?

[–]pandemic1444 0 points1 point ago

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I have never tried to. In the sense that you lose the erection, or is it just a general bitch?

[–]AnsheShem 2 points3 points ago

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Both, in some sense. It is somewhat painful, which accounts for the loss of the erection, and it is also awkward and ungainly.

[–]Lots42 0 points1 point ago

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Maxwell Lord (the guy in the pic) could do it.

[–]GomperStomper 10 points11 points ago

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does anybody have the picture of the guy with the cigar?

[–]Gingold 18 points19 points ago

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It's Maxwell Lord ("Leader" of Justice League International, Black King of Checkmate, Murdered Blue Beetle II and was killed by Wonder Woman)... I'm too lazy to use google and find a pic for you though =(

[–]Alexm920 22 points23 points ago

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You know that much without google... http://i.imgur.com/vAhOJ.gif

[–]ontopic 6 points7 points ago

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He/She's named after the substance that gives the Elongated Man his powers, too. Don't become like us. Herein lies madness.

[–]Gingold 2 points3 points ago

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The only madness is trying to figure out where the hell Ted and Dan are in the new 52! I'm glad Jaime made it through the reboot, but where are the other two Blue Beetles?!?!?!?!?!... AND WHERE THE HELL IS RALPH AND SUE!!?!?!?!!?!!?!!!!!?!!!?!!!?!!?!!?!!!?!?!! (my gods, I have gone mad)

[–]TheRain 1 point2 points ago

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You could spend 3 hours finding the same character in all 52 #1 issues.

[–]Gingold 1 point2 points ago

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...Was the greatest 52 games of Where's Waldo? I ever played...

[–]JackdeSnack 7 points8 points ago

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This reminds me of a John Oliver routine from one of his stand-up specials.

[–]ComebackShane 4 points5 points ago

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Does it remind you in that it's basically an exact retelling of it, sans erection?

[–]Zermerus 2 points3 points ago

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See, it's shit like this that makes me love 4chan.

[–]JuicedMeatballs 2 points3 points ago

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First lol in months. Thank you.

[–]Dismiss 2 points3 points ago

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At a strip club
receiving lap dance
making eye contact
feeling like a boss
cellphone vibrates
reach out for cellphone by reflex
somehow I manage to slap both her tits with the strength of a thousand viking warriors while trying to reach for cellphone
her face when
lapdance over

[–]goldncamo 1 point2 points ago

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Reminds me of that episode of Round The Twist when Bronson swallows that fish and it goes inside his dick and uses it as a propeller so Bronson can win a swimming race.

[–]Oldebones 1 point2 points ago

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THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE

[–]EdwardWescott 1 point2 points ago

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Upvote for beating the black kids. As a track athlete, you know you are good if you beat the black guy.

[–]bfodder 4 points5 points ago

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Reddit has really gone downhill.

[–]TesticleToe 9 points10 points ago*

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Don't you mean waffles, carrots, ice soap, 2am chili, those disgusting chicken enchiladas that ripped off 2 am chili, chili soap, goodburger, mudkipz, chuck testa face overlapped money?!

Nevermind. You're right.

Edit: In case you haven't seen the chicken enchilada thing... Here. I think about this post at least once a week. It haunts me.

[–]terroristteddy 1 point2 points ago

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I laughed so hard I cried.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Am I the only one who saw the John Oliver stand-up special where he pretty much said all this? Can't find it anywhere online though.

[–]Fudumkis 1 point2 points ago

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The helicopter penis part is the only line that is akin to his joke. Oliver got an erection from the shear excitement of being ahead in the race, and his helicopter penis propelled him across the finish line... in fourth place. It was on his special. Which is on Netflix. And I am far too lazy to find a free link.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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This... was the funniest thing I've read in weeks.

[–]Firefox64 -1 points0 points ago

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Got me at "beat the black kids."

[–]AngryVeinyWeiner 1 point2 points ago

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That was amazing. Thank you.

[–]Kertelen 0 points1 point ago

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WTF have I just read?

[–]ketchup-_-king 0 points1 point ago

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slowclap

[–]vadergeek 0 points1 point ago

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I like the "I feel like a superhero" line, in light of the fact that his picture appears to be Maxwell Lord.

[–]subnetmask 0 points1 point ago

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Helicopter dick, helicopter dick GO

[–]DawdleOrDieTrying 0 points1 point ago

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Oh man, if only the black kids knew about this trick...

[–]hydraincarnation 0 points1 point ago

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No, you won't.

[–]glassery 0 points1 point ago

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It was the punchline in the title that never happened. Good job.

[–]alecrev18 0 points1 point ago

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Shit happens bro. It's just a good thing your manhood wasn't longer than your shorts... well maybe not

[–]Bluelabel 0 points1 point ago

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That's ridickulous

[–]i_fap_faps 0 points1 point ago

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Oh great, a dick joke.

[–]foskco 0 points1 point ago

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I wish I could upvote more than once. I can't stop laughing. Helicopter made of dicks!

[–]FatalFrames 0 points1 point ago

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I fucking love 4chan for this lol

[–]Dipsomaniac -1 points0 points ago

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Know what?

Literally made me LOL. So, upvote.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

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Heeeeeeey....Is this story true? ;)

[–]gruso -1 points0 points ago

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Fake nonsense made up by losers.

[–][deleted] -4 points-3 points ago

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This is seriously one of the funniest things I have ever read. Could barely contain my hysterical laughter while reading this aloud to my girlfriend.

Thank you

[–]Brukhar1 -2 points-1 points ago

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HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY HAS A GIRLFRIEND!

[–]eye_patch_willy -2 points-1 points ago

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What we have here is an OP claiming a story as his, which was stolen from a stand-up comedian to be posted as a falsely original post on another site and why so serious?

[–]terroristteddy 1 point2 points ago

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It was way different from Oliver's. Plus who's to say Oliver didn't steal the joke from anon?

[–]eye_patch_willy 0 points1 point ago

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Maybe Oliver is anon? That would make me the asshole. I don't think I'm the asshole so Oliver is not anon.