this post was submitted on
654 points (54% like it)
3,826 up votes 3,172 down votes

funny

subscribe2,425,307 readers

8,982 users here now

PLEASE, No posts with their sole purpose being to communicate with another redditor. Click for an Example.


Welcome to r/Funny:

You may only post if you are funny.

Please No:

  • Screenshots of reddit comment threads. Post a link with context to /r/bestof or /r/defaultgems if from a default subreddit instead.

  • Posts for the specific point of it being your reddit birthday.

  • Politics - This includes the 2012 Presidential candidates or bills in congress.

  • Rage comics - Go to /fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu instead.

  • Memes - Go to /r/AdviceAnimals or /r/Memes instead.

  • Demotivational posters - Go to /r/Demotivational instead.

  • Pictures of just text - Make a self post instead.

  • DAE posts - Go to /r/doesanybodyelse

  • eCards - the poll result was 55.02% in favor of removal. Please submit eCards to /r/ecards

  • URL shorteners - No link shorteners (or HugeURL) in either post links or comments. They will be deleted regardless of intent.

Rehosted webcomics will be removed. Please submit a link to the original comic's site and preferably an imgur link in the comments. Do not post a link to the comic image, it must be linked to the page of the comic. (*) (*)

Need more? Check out:

Still need more? See Reddit's best / worst and offensive joke collections (warning: some of those jokes are offensive / nsfw!).


Please DO NOT post personal information. This includes anything hosted on Facebook's servers, as they can be traced to the original account holder.


If your submission appears to be banned, please don't just delete it as that makes the filter hate you! Instead please send us a message with a link to the post. We'll unban it and it should get better. Please allow 10 minutes for the post to appear before messaging moderators


The moderators of /r/funny reserve the right to moderate posts and comments at their discretion, with regard to their perception of the suitability of said posts and comments for this subreddit. Thank you for your understanding.


CSS - BritishEnglishPolice ©2011

a community for

reddit is a source for what's new and popular online. vote on links that you like or dislike and help decide what's popular, or submit your own! learn more ›

all 135 comments

[–]rda_Highlander 74 points75 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Cause lizards just don't give a shit.

[–]MisterSquirrel 102 points103 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

They're wired to just wait it out until they win through evolution.

[–]JediExile 4 points5 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Under the linear transformation "box", "lizard" is the only vector that gets mapped to itself. Hence, lizard is an eigenvector of "box".

[–]kilo4fun 4 points5 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Someone must be taking linear algebra this quarter.

[–]JediExile 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Graduate level, too; it gets really interesting the more theoretical you get.

[–]ccondon 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

But what if lizard is zero?

[–]darkraichu55 18 points19 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Honey lizard don't give a fuck.

[–]BobGaffney 8 points9 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

My daughter took a lizard home from elementary school once, in a small fish tank with sand, a stick, and bad instructions about its care. It stayed on the stick, refusing to eat, turning colors, getting smaller. It didn't fall off the stick for six weeks, although it had probably been dead for four.

[–]never_knows_best 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Hard-ass motherfuckers those lizards are.

[–]Pointy130 147 points148 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]Zantier 7 points8 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

karma

[–]I_Wont_Draw_That 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

It's not worth any more or less karma. -_-

[–]Zantier 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Most redditors mostly only click image posts (especially imgur), hence imgur posts get more karma and this is why often you will see pictures of text on the front page. For comics, this usually means one of the top comments will give credit to the author. Often the person making this comment will criticize OP for not linking directly to the comic-makers page. If it is a popular comic, the commenter will often mention how the site has enough bandwidth to support linking directly to the page; however, chances are OP uploaded it to imgur for the almost certainty of more karma as opposed to concern for the site's bandwidth limit.

[–]zbowling 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]radioactive_seagull 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I think it is about time you became king.

[–]_Particle_Man_ 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

because most people dont care

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

should have also reported. have you seen the sidebar recently? that part about rehosting webcomics?

[–]Zoepezygillman 44 points45 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Just put my lizard under a box. He lizarded.

[–]rb76543 14 points15 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

you never go full lizard

[–]_Particle_Man_ 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

lizards gonna liz

[–]redditreddi 43 points44 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]smoti 11 points12 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Seriously, is that where Valve got the idea for their orange box?

[–]redditreddi 4 points5 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Most likely :)

[–]mirk1 -1 points0 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

honestly came to the comments to see Snake reference, was not disappointed

[–]YeahIWrestleBears 185 points186 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Lizard....... Lizard.

[–]joss33 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

A few times (when this was posted) ago Lizard became a thing for a little while. I hope it catches on again.

[–]dotlizard 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Me too!

[–]YourMomSaidHi 12 points13 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I laugh every time it's reposted.

[–]ghostbackwards 4 points5 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Have you seen how much lizarding some of those lizards do?

[–]banjeed 26 points27 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

One of the few times I literary lol.

[–]KingToasty 58 points59 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Literary lol:

Hm, well, I quite like Hemingway's interpretation of chuckle. I thought it was rather in-depth.

[–]palordrolap 35 points36 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

And thus from the diaphragm did I convulse;

'twas unexpected of cause strange and absurd;

The bird did sleep, the cat enchanted within;

Yet lizard thought and uttered naught but "lizard"

[–]KingToasty 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

That was beautiful. snapsnapsnapsnap.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Clkclkclkclkclk.

[–]Nudist-On-Strike 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

no ಠ_ಠ

[–]losjellybones 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

OH man.

[–]Kallahan11 14 points15 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Really I though it was a bit brief, I prefer the more verbose and eloquent Faulknerian interpretation.

[–]KingToasty 16 points17 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I believe Dickens articulated it perfectly when he said,

"Ha."

[–]Nickeless 10 points11 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Literary lols up in here.

[–]KennyFuckingPowers 7 points8 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Riterary ror!

[–]banjeed 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

One of the few times I make myself literally lol.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Yeah, too late. :)

[–]Yondee -3 points-2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Reading this made my literary lol.

[–]rocket_propelled_emu 15 points16 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

When I last saw this for the bird it said " neck broken"

[–]NullPoint84 16 points17 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

As a bird owner, "must be nighttime" is much more relevant; budgies won't shut up? Cover em with a towel and they magically go to sleep.

[–]onionhammer 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

But they generally don't lie on their sides when they sleep.. they tend to only do that when they're dead.

[–]BrowsOfSteel 16 points17 points ago*

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

He’s just pining for the fjords.

[–]NullPoint84 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]Zomodok 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]TheRiff 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

How do you know? You have to peek under the towel to see!

[–]Zomodok 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

As a bird owner, my damn bird will sleep in whatever position she was in last.

Especially when I take a nap, she sleeps on her side under my neck until I wake up.

[–]CroScorpiuS 39 points40 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

The one about the dog made me sad

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

It's not true anyway, my dog would go berserk trying to get out . If the box is too heavy to get out, then yeah sure. He would accept his fate eventually. Just like a human

[–]Nickeless 58 points59 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Cat = dead and alive.

[–]Provid3nce 16 points17 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

There's no bottle of poison. It's just a box.

[–]Nickeless 20 points21 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Never make a joke on reddit unless it's 100% accurate. There's no geiger counter either, oh no.

[–]Provid3nce 11 points12 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

It's important damn it! :)

[–]Metalshields 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

You are also missing 1 more rather important piece to this thought experiment...

[–]MisterSquirrel 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Meow Mix?

[–]kilo4fun 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

It's not actually Erwin's cat.

[–]Rappaccini 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

It's just my cat in a box!

[–]turnipsoup 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]theElegantWorm 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

relevant for science!

[–]Apollo7 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I love what you did there. <3

[–]MisterPeach 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

The lizard is oblivious.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

What lizard?

[–]Koovin 4 points5 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

The one that's lizarding.

[–]Poboty 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Who puts a baby in a box?

[–]SwellJoe 19 points20 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

B.F. Skinner.

[–]spirited1 9 points10 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

skinner box, in production by fisherprice

[–]mrsamsa 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Yeah Fisher-Price really benefited from Skinner's air crib, and the number of play pens and play gyms modeled on it is crazy. Most people see Skinner's crib as a "metal box" for some reason and Fisher-Price's models as "fun edutainment" for kids, yet there's no difference between the two.

[–]spirited1 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I guess all you have to do is put some pretty colors and say it's for kids. look at nerf.

[–]Poboty 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Air Crib? I feel like that's a bit different from just a cardboard box.

[–]Osiris32 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

The same people who put Baby in the corner.

[–]spirited1 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I cannot explain how true the hamster bit is.

[–]oivitz 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

GO, HAMMY, GO!

[–]BluePadlock 26 points27 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I wish this could have been my 8th grate science project.

[–]KennyFuckingPowers 26 points27 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

8th grate

If only you had passed 1st grade!

[–]BaZing3 4 points5 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

He lives in the sewers where different ages are taught under different street grates. His fourth year of school was taught under the 8th Street sewer grate.

[–]KennyFuckingPowers 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Donatello, is that you?

[–]IvyBridge 10 points11 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I believe the correct caption for Cat would be "superposition".

[–]imgur-mirror-bot 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]asshatnowhere 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

lizards gonna liz

[–]BuffNStuff 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Crazy lizards and their silly lizard antics.

[–]fappton 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

You know, if there was poison in the all the boxes, then you can have Schroedinger's zoo.

[–]SometimesKayfabe 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Whats up with these lame posts getting to the front page today?

[–]CheatasaurusRex 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

REPOST FUCKING EVERYTHING!

[–]IDlOT 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

What about My Dick?

[–]babiesloveboobies 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I was thinking of a box with the opening facing up.

Cats: FUCK YES A FORTRESS

Dogs: WTF is this I don't even...

[–]fettsack2 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

What does "ponder tongue" mean? Thinking about... with the tongue?

[–]SamC1803 10 points11 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

The baby has simple thoughts. It has just discovered its own tongue, and is now trying to wrap its baby-mind around it, paying little attention to the box.

That's what I took from it, anyway.

[–]fettsack2 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

thanks a lot!

[–]Osiris32 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

The bird is just playing a game if Nighttime/Daytime

[–]Someguy111111111111 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Goddam hamster ate my box

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

When I put my turtle in a box while cleaning her tank,I have to cover it so she will fall asleep , if I don't I usually find lying on her back

[–]TheBullfrog 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Hey I already reposted this last year!

[–]Mackinstyle 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

The original experiment of Schrodinger's Hamster didn't turn out well as test subject consistently ate testing apparatus. Conclusion: Hungry and full at the same time.

[–]LockedNLoaded99 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Lizards Gonna Liz

[–]xDaedalusx 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

This one has been around for a while, but I do say it is one of my favorites.

[–]420Warrior 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

i thought it said America not Animals

[–]nomis_nehc 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

So... hamsters are awesome?

[–]RedPartridge 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I lived in Dover as a kid, where the undersea tunnel from UK to France is. Huge industrial lights on 24/7, and the birds would sing all year round. Goddamn birds.

[–]ctazn0998 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

The "infant" animal is a very interesting creature

[–]lawofmurphy 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

This is a repost.

Still, no one puts the Animals in a fucking box.

[–]BrowsOfSteel 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]blooshla -1 points0 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Reposted 11 times....

[–]SometimesKayfabe 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

even more than that

[–]FlamingSilence -1 points0 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Where did you get this? I want it as a poster! :D

[–]makattak88 -1 points0 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

The dog one is fact lol

[–]MADBAKER -1 points0 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

schrodingers cat: "am I dead or alive? you'll never know until you have a look".

[–]VampirePirateNinja -2 points-1 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

hey, infants aren't animals, and that's why you got down voted, title it better next time

[–]chris-martin 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

What are they, bacteria?

[–]funkmastamatt -3 points-2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

It took me way too long to figure out that was a hamster with stuffed cheeks. I thought they were like mouse ears at first.

[–]Lakashnik2 -5 points-4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Infants, now Animals!