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all 81 comments

[–]RoseMartha 51 points52 points ago

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Thank you for this advice! Here's a dollar.. in change.. mostly pennies.

[–]meatball402 22 points23 points ago

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I read that in Archer's voice. It seems so apt for him.

[–]GunslingerBen 1 point2 points ago

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... Coarse.

[–]Goodplann 1 point2 points ago

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That one was my favorite...

[–]CokeHeadRob 0 points1 point ago

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Damn you, came here to say the same thing.

[–]noitsPatrick 38 points39 points ago

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I'm going to pound the farts out of you. Oh god thats good

[–]archontruth 7 points8 points ago

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The sex would stop because there would be too much laughter to continue.

[–]mavstar 29 points30 points ago

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I lost it at Bad -> Foreign-> "Heil Hitler."

[–]mart306 10 points11 points ago

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I was always suspicious about my gf being a redditor, but after that 'heil hitler' thing... I'm pretty sure

[–]timtheinchanter 21 points22 points ago

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From now on I'm going to end sex with "Thanks alot, Peaches"

[–]rufiolegacy 12 points13 points ago

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Sorry Mario, shes in another castle.

[–]ilmmad -1 points0 points ago

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How can you end what you never start?

[–]Streakiest 0 points1 point ago

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If what this guy says is true, he might be stalking you.

So uh, look out!

[–]Nivomi 19 points20 points ago

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Anything in french

BAGUETTE

JACQUES COUSTEAU

BŒUF

[–]OhNoOboe 23 points24 points ago

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OMELETTE DU FROMAGE.

[–]CHEMO_ALIEN 7 points8 points ago

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TAKE ME NOW!

[–]garbobjee 4 points5 points ago

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ಠ_ಠ

[–]BardtheBowman 18 points19 points ago

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If my partner yelled "Yabba dabba doo!" during sex, I would assume I was doing everything right. That is most definitely an exclamation of profound ecstasy, not in response to poor performance.

[–]kukamunga 18 points19 points ago

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There should really be a shape difference between categories and what you're actually supposed to say.

"You like that? Do you?"

"Religious"

[–]anchorless 0 points1 point ago

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TIL when my boyfriend says, "You like that? Do you?" it's rhetorical, so I guess I'm not actually supposed to answer...

[–]alrij 22 points23 points ago

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i rule at fuckin my job is truckin dont stop keep suckin

[–]Relevant_SB_Gif 2 points3 points ago

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Now where are those guys who sing reddit posts.

[–]ale_pato 10 points11 points ago

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I love how... gullible you are.

That one's priceless.

[–]Babunar 7 points8 points ago

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I am certain this is from the same person: Heavy Metal Band Names

[–]josefcub 7 points8 points ago

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I can sum this chart up from the phrases in the chart:

Keep going, almost there!

Awesome.

[–]Confuseled 25 points26 points ago

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I spewed Dr. Pepper all over my keyboard at "I pooped. Alot. On your dog." Fucking gold!

[–]eric-tile 12 points13 points ago

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Pooping an alot must really hurt.

[–]Confuseled 4 points5 points ago

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Ow.

[–]icehazard -1 points0 points ago

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[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Confuseled pooped on Alot's dog. If he was saying he pooped an Alot, he would have said, 'I pooped out an Alot.' Get your grammar right.

[–]silent_p 5 points6 points ago

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Hey... what's wrong with whale noises?

[–]rufiolegacy 7 points8 points ago

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Huh? I didn't see a "I swear that's never happened before" section

[–]cresseychaos 3 points4 points ago

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Really? Offering to pound the farts out of a girl always works for me

[–]HULK-SMASH 5 points6 points ago

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Genuine: "You are beautiful - like a moon"

Just what in the fuck???? Who would compare their partner to a planetary satellite whilst having sex??

[–]aoeui-dhtns 5 points6 points ago

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You are beautiful - like a satellite

[–]rooly 3 points4 points ago

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A chubby chaser?

[–]dx40sh 1 point2 points ago

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That's no moon!

[–]bikerchickelly 3 points4 points ago

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Hissss! (Cheetah)

[–]wetango 4 points5 points ago

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"Who's your abusive stepfather"

[–]Ragnalypse 2 points3 points ago

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I'll make a note to ask as many rhetorical questions as possible.

[–]scRp1 2 points3 points ago

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Lies! Screaming Hail Satan always gets stuff going

[–]Sephrix 2 points3 points ago

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I just burst out laughing at Yabba Dabba Doo.

[–]Crackawham 0 points1 point ago

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Definitely my favorite one.

[–]Subduction 4 points5 points ago

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If male: "I'm going to make your Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs."

If female: "She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid. I've made a lot of special modifications myself."

[–]ravencoal 1 point2 points ago

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"Who's Your Daddy?" is supposed to be rhetorical??

Funny, any partner who's asked me that has always enjoyed the response of, "You are."

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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People actually say "Who's your daddy?". I wouldn't be able to say that without laughing my ass off.

[–]solidcopy 1 point2 points ago

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I'm getting this blown up to poster size and will hang it over my headboard.

[–]aoeui-dhtns 1 point2 points ago

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What, no "fuck me"? Maybe with a line connecting back to itself in a loop

[–]Dumblonde 1 point2 points ago

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Oh God, I peed a little. (whoa, wait. Don't say that)

[–]Btco 1 point2 points ago

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Not a lot? On your cat?

[–]the_swin 1 point2 points ago

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"I just pooped... a lot... on your dog"

[–]Immamurican 1 point2 points ago

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If you say that, I might hurt you...

You have been warned

[–]JaceGhost 1 point2 points ago

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"Do you smell what The Rock is cookin?"

I miss when this was relevant. I'm bringing it back.

[–]The_Absurdist 1 point2 points ago

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Switching from missionary to doggy style: "BEAST MODE!"

[–]MagicalDogbert 1 point2 points ago

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"Hello Vicar." Sweet zombie Jesus I can't stop laughing.

[–]dvdov 1 point2 points ago

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I really, really don't think I'll ever get to the point in my life when I'll ever say "I rule at fucking, my job is trucking, don't stop, keep sucking."

[–]flyingflopdoodle 1 point2 points ago

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YABBA DABBA DOO!

[–]nutterybipple 1 point2 points ago

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"I'm going to pound the farts out of you" is, without hyperbole, the funniest thing I've ever read.

[–]redditorforENDOFdays 0 points1 point ago

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Source?

[–]guyguy23 0 points1 point ago

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what yabdaba do is bad? Pfff... yea right.

[–]pogo123 0 points1 point ago

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Thanks a lot peaches.

[–]troutable 0 points1 point ago

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What kind of bastard diagram is this?

[–]Kohel 0 points1 point ago

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"I'm going to pound the farts out of you"

I want to say that at least once to a girl i'm having sex with that's not my girlfriend.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I can't wait to try out a "bestial wail."

[–]pizzza 0 points1 point ago

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I will probably be using this within the next 6 months.

[–]thehillz 0 points1 point ago

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quick, someone get this chart to Liz Lemon!

[–]feiticeirarose 0 points1 point ago

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I can't help but laugh a little at this, mostly because my boyfriend and I sometimes will troll each other mid-coitus. Last time he decided to troll me he shouted Zach Braff's "Dynamite Areolas" when he came.

We're fucking amazing/amazing at fucking.

[–]shamwowthebrowncow 0 points1 point ago

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I just pooped a lot on your dog

[–]RhapsodyAssassin 0 points1 point ago

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Somehow I don't think saying "You're a naughty girl/boy" would go over all that well.

[–]BitsOHam 0 points1 point ago

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"Do you smell what The Rock is cooking?" had me on the floor.

[–]mac6nyc 0 points1 point ago

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I just realized that I have made it in life. I zoomed in so far the "Bad" was erased, because I only needed to read "Good"

[–]Dented 0 points1 point ago

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Hot damn?! Oh you Americans.

[–]mtux96 0 points1 point ago

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Je suis le feu en ton pied!

[–]CHEMO_ALIEN 0 points1 point ago

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I lost it at "do you smell what the rock is cooking?'

[–]thatblondechickkk 0 points1 point ago

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"I just pooped. A lot. On your dog."

[–]adejesus123 0 points1 point ago

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So I should probably stop saying Hail Satan from now on.

[–]nymble25 0 points1 point ago

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Here's a dollar. In change. Mostly pennies. LOL'DTHESHITINTOMYPANTS

[–]tullan12 0 points1 point ago

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This is amazing I'm so using this next time

[–]iLuVtiffany 0 points1 point ago

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How can "Do you smell what the rock is cooking?" be bad?

[–]hankadoo 0 points1 point ago

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i see no where on there...whats with the cheese grater

[–]Bravo9000 0 points1 point ago

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Thanks! Im gonna glue it on my ceiling.