How I feel when my friends share their sex stories with me.

mendicant · 9 months

During a time at university when I didn't have a girlfriend my brother used to call me up occasionally on the weekend:

Bro: Hey man... you get laid last night?

Me: No. Why?

Bro: Cause I did. hangs up

JimCarreysFace · 9 months

This is my exact reaction.

paulwithap · 9 months

I have a male model type friend who constantly feels the need to show me pictures of the chicks he's banging. I want to punch his beautiful face every time.

jamesgatz12 · 9 months

OMG. Yesterday I found out two of my good friends are now boning by going over to Friend One's house. I was surprised to find Friend Two lounging lazily on his bed. She had a bunch of soft fabric ropes dangling loosely around her neck.

Me: "Um, hey. Nice ropes." Friend Two: "Thanks." Me: "Fashionable." Friend Two: "Yeah winks that's not all they're good for."

Friends One and Two then laughed in unison at how clever and naughty they were, and looked at me like "hey, why don't you also enjoy this gift of laughter?" I declined.

poundingbassline · 9 months

Whenever one of my douchy friends shares a recent sex story with me I always ask them ''Is she the hot girl I saw you with that night'' (they passively say yes usually) ''Shit man, that girl has herpes''.

The look on their face is similar to OP's.

pkurk · 9 months

is that from liar liar?

rationalvet · 9 months

Most of the time I'm like, "who the hell would have sex with you?"

strangeapple · 9 months

It's really more like this.

Crapgeezer · 9 months

So true, I remember how crappy I felt the day my friend came up to me when we were 16 and he told me he lost his virginity last night. And then in the coming years most of my friends would share their stories and I'd just stand there smiling silently thinking "yeah... that's cool..."

webby_mc_webberson · 9 months

It's like this for me

RichUnkleSkeleton · 9 months

Whenever I hear one of these stories from a dude friend, I like to follow each segment with "yeahhh, that must have felt really good on your penis." It usually gets them to stop.

fillymandee · 9 months

This is how I feel...http://www.gifsoup.com/view2/1629629/groundhog-day-punch-ned-o.gif

Immynimmy · 9 months

Awww...don't worry bud, you aren't alone. Well technically, yes you're alone, but what I meant was you're not the only one. I mean, you are the only one but....oh hell you know what I'm trying to say.

wtfxstfu · 9 months

Also when strangers share their sexual inclinations with you just because you're both guys. Had a guy nudge me and point out some 40ish looking woman about 50 pounds overweight trundling along. I was like, "her? really?"

He replied with a sheepish shrug and then it was awkward.

CarpeNivem · 9 months

How many people actually share sex stories, and/or know people who do? That's always struck me as a movie or TV thing. I really don't know anyone IRL like that, so I'm genuinely wondering; is this a thing?

FionnaTheHumanGirl · 9 months

If I'm not having sex with you, I don't want to know how good sex is with you.

[deleted] · 9 months

My reaction is more like this.

OrageSyringe · 9 months

which movie is this from?

I_Speak_The_Truth · 9 months

This is how I feel when your friends share their sex stories with you and you share them with me.

mossyskeleton · 9 months

A friend of mine was living down in Miami and getting tons of pussies. He called once and complained that the girl he was with fucked too much like a pornstar. With me being sexless for over a year, I'm sure you can imagine how much sympathy I poured upon him.

What a fucker.

Typhus236 · 9 months

Sex is like jam. The less you have the more you spread.

tyrghast · 9 months

I have a friend who was fond of smells.

We were eating at IHOP after he fingerbanged his gf (we're odd hours people, so when one of us calls the other to go eat at 3:30 AM we're usually down) and he asks me to smell his hand.

Smelled like fish, of course.

That girl is now his wife.

Yes, it is awkward hanging out at his place.

StabbyStix · 9 months

I usually try to screw up their whole groove by asking ridiculous questions like: "Did you fart in her mouth?" or "Did you shat all over her chest with corn chunks still in your poop?"

They usually shut up and get weirded out while some join in and make it so much worse.

Mr_Metropolis · 9 months

I'd share my sex stories, but "I did her missionary and said 'thank you' afterwards" isn't exactly riveting.

nicotron · 9 months

Jerry! Enjoy my wife! Ehhh?! Ehhh heh.

brittanyhoot · 9 months

Great gift, dad! Thanks, son!

sqrt-1loveyou · 9 months

Or whenever people babble on and on about some celebrity I've never heard of being attractive.

broken_sword · 9 months

What sex stories?

FOREVER ALONE....

carnivoris · 9 months

me too, brother. me too.

ThaUniversal · 9 months

Finally, I've been looking for this .gif my whole adult life. Thank you.

killarneptune · 9 months

This is my reaction when a doctor ask me if I have smoked weed in front of my parents.

_JustinCase · 9 months

Whenever this happens I just turn to a friend and I'm like "hey...ever have sex?" "yeah?" "cool."

hucku · 9 months

But if it's a girl who's sharing the story...then what?

AaroniusH · 9 months

Yeah. Cool story, bro.

freeman08 · 9 months

Upvote for Jim Carrey

peakeverything · 9 months

Friend: Hey man! I totally fucked my girlfriend in the pooper the other night! Me: Why? Isn't that what the vagina's for?

magicwizardbacon · 9 months

Ahahaha...aahh... ._.

kmizzie · 9 months

That is how I feel when most people share any story with me..

GoldenstateWarrior · 9 months

Our beloved rubber faced fartsmith

[deleted] · 9 months

I used to have friends like this but they were mysteriously murdered one night when the first thing they did after sex was call me.

Grimmbles · 9 months

I've rarely found anything interesting about another dude describing to me in detail what he does with his penis.

Doing it right: "She's wild in the sack!"

"The sex was great!"

Doing it wrong: "Her pussy was so tight! It put a Kung Fu Grip on my cock. And I'm talking a proper Shadow Storm grip, not any of that Baroness bullshit!!!"

"She did this thing where she stretched her labia out and threw her voice...."

Seruz · 9 months

I keep almost everything about my sex-life between me and my partner... Always dissappoint when my gf shares EVERYTHING with her friends, makes things EXTREMELY awkward.

TheVassarBro · 9 months

I love exchanging sex stories. Especially with my girl friends. They share some fucked up stuff if you approach it in the right way. My reaction: http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f267/WickedIQ/jacknodding2.gif

IMAROBOTLOL · 9 months

My exact reaction when my ex told me she's into chicks now.

[deleted] · 9 months

I am master of the fake smile. I often wonder how the hell cant they see through it.

"I dont care and I dont want to listen :D"

Gibodean · 9 months

You feel like marrying a stupid woman, and trying to kill kids through misinformation about vaccines?

rando99 · 9 months

For the love of god... Reddit.com/r/HIFW

amnesiac186 · 9 months

perfect.

Greatwhiteturtle · 9 months

This might be my favorite gif to date.

DriftingJesus · 9 months

Change friends to Co-workers.

Jakeysuave · 9 months

I've seen this on the front page before. I'm on here way too much...

mcmur · 9 months

...right there with ya buddy.

agentorange4tang · 9 months

That hit home.

nikita_buyevich · 9 months

most overused gif

starkiller2196 · 9 months

This basicly goes through my head everytime

datanator · 9 months

I agree with this gif

Gurtron · 9 months

u dont have sex

brf4n · 9 months

funniest gif all day

GDunit91 · 9 months

You know you've been on the internet too long when... I knew exactly what gif I was going to see before I actually saw it.

panjialang · 9 months

Why aren't there more Jim Carrey gifs?

Arashirai · 9 months

like a virgin

iSteve · 9 months

I happened to watch Liar, Liar last night.

bporter84 · 9 months

My friend, from Germany, had this thing where he always wanted to shit on a girl and run out the brothel or poof as he called it. But of course he never did because the boucers will stomp the shit out of you in Germany. Hes out here in California now. So he likes rusty trombones and all that shit and one time he calls me up one night after just leaving some hotel. He was with some prostitute and having her lick his asshole, when he told me he started to push. He said he farted and heard a pop, the girl start gagging. he turned around as the girl was spitting out a little turd. She said "What was that", than he felt his ass and jumped up to wash his hands got dressed, then ran outside and jumped on his bike and drove off. This was just before Craigslist shut down there escort section

funny

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