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top 200 commentsshow all 265

[–]Chubbstock 152 points153 points ago

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I've been told that the "business man" is actually called an A.C. Slater because that's how he always sits.

[–]Harold_Grundelson 47 points48 points ago

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This is true preppy...GO BAYSIDE!

[–]enderpanda 15 points16 points ago

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Sure is! Here's a (now deleted) post from a forum a few years ago (I think it was a body building forum). I remember reading it on Digg before they were complete crap.

Guys this is probably the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me. I was at my girlfriends house tonight for dinner, and shortly after i had to go #2. My Gf's brother was in the downstairs bathroom, so i went upstairs to use the master bathroom. I was about to take a dump, and I remembered something my friend told me called AC Slatering.

AC Slatering is when you take a dump facing backwards on the toilet, just how on saved by the bell AC Slater always sat backwards on a chair. So when I was taking a dump, My stomach was facing the back of the toilet, and my back was facing the door. I heard footsteps coming up the stairs, and began to get nervous. Since AC SLatering is a tough position to get into, it requires taking off your pants. So there I am sitting in my GF's parents bathroom taking a dump with my pants off and facing the wrong way on the toilet. My dump was about halfway out when the footsteps became closer. I then turned around to see that I had not locked the door. Trying to finish as quickly as I could, I began pushing harder and harder.

Suddenly, the door opened, and my gf's mom stood there in shock staring at me. We made eye contact for a split second, and I was so embarrassed I wanted to die. I quickly finished up, got dressed, and ran out of the house as quickly as I could. I am expecting my gf to break up with me tomorrow. I am so embarrassed and I hope my gf doesn't blabber about this, Ill die if anyone else finds out.

[–]Aipre 6 points7 points ago

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Gee, sure is a good thing he didn't post the story online for everyone to see... Oh wait

[–]Poistiant 10 points11 points ago

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This is the proper terminology. Comic is misinforming people.

[–]indecisive311 4 points5 points ago

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But, then you have to take your pants completely off?

[–]iamrory 7 points8 points ago

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If your pants aren't completely off, you're doing it wrong.

[–]LobotomistCircu 5 points6 points ago

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Came here to post exactly this, though I think it's only an AC Slater if you're shitting.

[–]heeryorlunboks 1 point2 points ago

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No one will care that I agree with you, but you might. :3

[–]sirdoctorofTARDIS 4 points5 points ago

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Similarly, I've heard "The Saboteur" called "The Upper-Decker". Ten times worse with poop.

[–]crustalmighty 7 points8 points ago

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I was under the impression that the phrase "Upper Decker" was actually reserved for a #2. Personally, I like the distinction.

[–]somad_ 2 points3 points ago

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The defecating variant is called a 'reverse-kanga' here in Australia.

[–]jayjaypee 2 points3 points ago

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An old roommate of mine competed against a group of friends to see who could "poop 180" the longest. Anytime he had to do a twosey it would be like the "business man" in this illustration. He did it for 4.5 years, and yes he won.

[–]MirthB 4 points5 points ago

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came in here to say this.

[–]cmdaniels 1 point2 points ago

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DAMN! I came here to say this. Oh well. I'll still contribute the picture I was going to include.

[–]CleanBaldy 64 points65 points ago

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You forgot one: The R. Kelly

[–]Vilvos 106 points107 points ago

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[–]MasterCharles 31 points32 points ago

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AND THEN I PULL OUT MY GUN!

[–]cbfw86 4 points5 points ago

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clap... clap... clap

[–]No6BuiltMyHotrod 1 point2 points ago

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This is fantastic.

[–]Moskau50 7 points8 points ago

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[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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[–]Dwev 35 points36 points ago

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I like the Australian way. It looks fun...

[–][deleted] 76 points77 points ago

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And has that added thrill factor of potentially turning into The Survivalist.

[–]titanguy75 18 points19 points ago

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You have to keep the stream strong

[–]cormega 5 points6 points ago

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Or else it will go into your nose

[–]Richeh 8 points9 points ago

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True of so many things in this modern world.

[–]glassy125 2 points3 points ago

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it gives me the sudden urge to pee upside down

[–]alfx 97 points98 points ago

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I pee right into the middle of the fucking bowl to make as much noise as possible and assert my dominance.

[–]Paper_Champ 28 points29 points ago

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I did this while over at my friends house for dinner. and from the dinner table with his family he yells, “CAN YOU PEE ANY LOUDER?!"

[–]NeonXero 3 points4 points ago

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Kind of similar story here... was in a hotel room with somebody I had met earlier in the day (no, not like that.. not creepy etc, don't worry about it) and she had to go potty. She made my other friend and I go out to the balcony of the room because she "pees really loud and doesn't like people listening" ....

So we went to the balcony.

The end. True story.

[–]turinturambar81 16 points17 points ago

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Proactively defensive about creepiness, refers to it as "potty"...I'm going to guess 8 years old.

[–]Izlandi 8 points9 points ago

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Or Elliot Reed.

[–]JaxJaguar 2 points3 points ago

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My ex gf used to turn on the faucet when she'd pee because she was scared of me hearing. This went on for 3 years....

[–]Blithon 1 point2 points ago

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Challenge Accepted.

[–]EltonJuan 18 points19 points ago

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I feel like this is what people do in public restrooms. I pee on the sides of the bowl/urinal so that it's a mystery how loud my stream is.

[–]mynoduesp 13 points14 points ago

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Also flush just before finishing.

[–]Father_Ross 1 point2 points ago

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The timing has to be just right so that the steady quiet stream goes to a sprint to be done before it goes quiet again

[–]slumberlust 1 point2 points ago

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I have declared myself the worlds best pee flush timer. Last drip, every time just as the bowl empties. Challenge me, I dare you.

[–]Limbero 6 points7 points ago

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I like to do laps around the bowl to see how many I can do before I'm done. Another personal favorite is going from regular standing stance to the sniper and back again without missing the bowl or interrupting your stream.

Oh the fun that can be had while peeing.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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I aim for the sides as to not alert anyone to the fact that I am urinating. I'm about as awkward I sound.

[–]sandgoose 26 points27 points ago

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Apparently I'm more Eco-conscious than I knew!

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]sandgoose 7 points8 points ago

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I don't know if that's fair. Most of my time spent in the shower is just spent standing there at least when I'm peeing (and brushing my teeth) I'm not just standing there.

[–]kld182 43 points44 points ago

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It's simple...we pee on the batman

[–]adamsimon 6 points7 points ago

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If you can do something good, never do it for free.

[–]Richeh 14 points15 points ago

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-The Soaker

[–]adamsimon 7 points8 points ago

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You know how I got these scars?

Please tell me it wasn't from peeing.

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points ago

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"There are two kinds of people in this world: Those who pee in the shower and dirty fucking liars." - Louis C.K.

[–]FunkyDutch 10 points11 points ago

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I'm going to try the Superman. Brb.

[–]DollarThief 16 points17 points ago

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Still not back. He must have fallen in.

[–]Meades_Loves_Memes 6 points7 points ago

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Or worse.

[–]octopolous 17 points18 points ago

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[–]JaxJaguar 2 points3 points ago

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This kills the penis.

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points ago

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Men are so lucky. Women don't have options.

/feeling left out.

[–]LikesGirls 15 points16 points ago

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Yes we do. I'll have you know the business man is very easy for a woman to do.

[–]BombNeverland 7 points8 points ago

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I do that one sometimes, actually. Just to mix it up.

[–]LikesGirls 4 points5 points ago

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Remember doing that one when I first discovered masturbation. I thought I was going to pee myself when I did it, so I took precautions.

[–]completelydeck 4 points5 points ago

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[–]notabook 33 points34 points ago

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They got the manliest way wrong. The manliest way is taking a piss in the kitchen sink.

[–]fiatlux011 5 points6 points ago

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Came here to support this

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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fuck yeah

[–]ChaoticAgenda 6 points7 points ago

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You had me at superman.

[–]Favres_Penis 7 points8 points ago

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Unfortunately my roommate is a fan of the Batman. Needless to say, our floor is in constant need of cleaning.

[–]gojirra 6 points7 points ago

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Just power wash it with piss.

[–]perma4 5 points6 points ago

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Is anyone else bothered that the toilet seat is down?

[–]ieatcatfood 14 points15 points ago

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Nope

[–]uncool-one 8 points9 points ago

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Seen some of them here - http://www.sexhax.com/peeing.html Still good.

[–]dTek2 2 points3 points ago

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The plank is often performed in bars after one too many drinks

[–]FFB41 3 points4 points ago

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I know what I'm doing for the next month. Time for Experimentations

[–]gojirra 7 points8 points ago

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Next month? Do you only pee once a month?

[–]rubberducky22 3 points4 points ago

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:| is totally the pee face now.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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I must go try the business man.

[–]zachsucks 2 points3 points ago

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I'm going to see how the blindman works out for me.

[–]makattak88 12 points13 points ago

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You're going to hear*(FTFY) how it works for you.

[–]dakaroni 2 points3 points ago

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I thought that the Businessman was called the AC Slater...

[–]flyingsaucers 2 points3 points ago

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I did a laugh, have an upvote.

[–]BlueInGreen 2 points3 points ago

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"The Sniper" should be peeing into a jar and throwing it into the toilet.

[–]Son_of_a_Vandrook 3 points4 points ago

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No, that's the side dish.

[–]TannerGrehawick 1 point2 points ago

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JARATE!

[–]PinkFlute 2 points3 points ago

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There is only one way to pee. Relax your urinary sphincter, and increase your bladder pressure through use of smooth muscles. If a male, squeeze the navicular fossa once finished, and never get "after drip" ever again.

[–]adamsimon 2 points3 points ago

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The 99%: In the street

[–]Orakar 2 points3 points ago

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I can't work out what's going on in 'The manliest way'; could someone enlighten me? :O

[–]AllNamesAreGone 3 points4 points ago

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He sits down and holds his dick down in the bowl so that he doesn't get piss everywhere.

[–]Son_of_a_Vandrook 2 points3 points ago

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I just call that the pre-poop.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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Thank you for not making this a rage comic.

[–]Botkin 1 point2 points ago

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Over the shoulder, facing away from the toilet.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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That takes skill.

[–]Trobot087 10 points11 points ago

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Not as much as over the shoulder, facing the toilet.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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You forgot the Marlboro man. You stand up against the wall, or stall divider, like the marlboro man (SFW).

[–]makattak88 1 point2 points ago

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The businessman is useful when you have morning wood, and need to pee!

[–]haiku_robot 2 points3 points ago

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The businessman is 
useful when you have morning 
wood, and need to pee!

[–]lameWB 1 point2 points ago

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please make more :)

[–]Fair_Bonez 1 point2 points ago

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The saboteur had me cracking up!

[–]exprofessionallurker 1 point2 points ago

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Ive just confirmed that the "ol faithful" is not effective

[–]bobbyn01 1 point2 points ago

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[–]CerpinTaxes 1 point2 points ago

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I am not proud to admit I have done the double rainbow and at the time thought it was absolutely hilarious. Oh Jägermeister...

[–]WalmartSuperstar 1 point2 points ago

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The businessman should be The A. C. Slater

[–]kapowaz 1 point2 points ago

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Re: the final frame...

The Bear Grylls

FTFY

[–]tomrage 1 point2 points ago

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I have actually pulled off the double rainbow with my friend when I was 4-5. It was totally normal, we even crossed streams, and pretended we were fighting captain hook.

[–]whoopthereitis 1 point2 points ago

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The seat was down in all of those. Fuck. Off.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Idk if I can do the dog, my head doesn't turn that far around.

[–]ArborBoarder 0 points1 point ago

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Just did the Eco-Friendly this morning.

[–]fatkidswinatseesaw 0 points1 point ago

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The businessman should be also known as the "A.C. Slater"

[–]michaelalfox 0 points1 point ago

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I'm doing "the Drunk" right now.

[–]bigpaulie2 0 points1 point ago

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seven down

[–]bluekaylo 0 points1 point ago

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The deadpan expression killed me.

[–]davelog 0 points1 point ago

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This list is worthless without the Plank.

[–]jtj1210 0 points1 point ago

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Don't cross the streams.

[–]beau-tie 0 points1 point ago

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My friend took a shit while doing the spider man at a bowling ally.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]kerbe[S] 4 points5 points ago

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i think you save about 5 gallons of water if you dont flush the toilet

[–]tresser 5 points6 points ago*

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are you really the artist? weird that you're only 6 hours old here, but have been a member of funnyjunk for over a year.

edit: verified from his user account in the link above. reversing downvotes, putting away pitchforks.....for now.

[–]kerbe[S] 1 point2 points ago

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yes im really the artist. im just moving to here. i got tired of FJ

[–]tresser 1 point2 points ago

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I don't understand why you aren't linking to the FJ posts then, as well as adding a signature when there once wasn't any. not that you shouldn't be taking credit for your work, just seems.....hinky.

[–]kerbe[S] 2 points3 points ago

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well FJ dont like reddit for some reason and i didnt think you guys like FJ. so i just figured i would just do what im doing now. sorry for the confusion tho.

[–]tresser 1 point2 points ago

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i can dig it. sorry if i've caused you any harm in the process. i've edited all my posts in hopes to stop any further downvoting.

[–]kerbe[S] 1 point2 points ago

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haha its all good my friend no harm done. i can understand why you would think i was stealing stuff.

[–]counter-strike 1 point2 points ago

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Older toilets will waste about that much, we recently got a new toilet in our house almost a year ago, it only flushes 1.3 gallons.

[–]larschri 0 points1 point ago

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This explains why public restrooms are gross.

[–]PringleGuy 0 points1 point ago

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I guess it's time to drink my own piss...

[–]oleoleoleoleole 0 points1 point ago

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How does anyone pee standing up without hands? It just doesn't make sense to me. My pee would go straight down, not like the arc in the picture.

[–]sexpoopie 0 points1 point ago

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Double rainbow? I call it gang toity.

[–]Onehundredjobs 0 points1 point ago

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[–]Hellstruelight 0 points1 point ago

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My favorite is missing! The Relaxation Pee. Instead of standing in front of the bowl, you stand on the side of it and lean against the wall or counter. It feels the best when you're a little buzzed.

[–]hippyhoppin42 0 points1 point ago

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Every one of them has the poker face.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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i need to give that Australian a spin

[–]eloquentnemesis 0 points1 point ago

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TIL I'm an environmentalist!

[–]kurenai 0 points1 point ago

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[–]Darranged 0 points1 point ago

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I've done a double rainbow, but we called it "crossing the streams".

[–]MrHereToStay 0 points1 point ago

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I have successfully performed 7 of these.

[–]TheMightyDane 0 points1 point ago

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Original fucking content? Have an upvote, buddy!

[–]trigg 0 points1 point ago

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Did this comic make anyone else need to pee really bad?

[–]imjustadude90 0 points1 point ago

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Why is peing in your bathtub "eco friendly" ?

[–]weissis 0 points1 point ago

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Yes, I always pee completely naked.

[–]butPIRATES 0 points1 point ago

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Get to rebel and not sure whether to laugh or feel shame? Don't worry brethren, neither am I.

[–]knockturne 0 points1 point ago

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I'm extremely Eco-friendly. Just call me brother nature.

[–]maxstaar 0 points1 point ago

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Such crazy penis envy right now...

[–]Aquagoat 0 points1 point ago

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You missed "The Gargoyle". It's when you perch on the rim of the bowl and go. It's a ladies favorite when in a disgusting bar bathroom.

[–]arab_mamba96 0 points1 point ago

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The last one should be "The Bear Grylls."

[–]whollo918 0 points1 point ago

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Last one made me lol pretty hard

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I have NEVER IN MY LIFE wanted ANYTHING more than to try the fucking SPIDER MAN. HOLY SHIT MIND BLOWN.

[–]GreatBigPig 0 points1 point ago

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Oh yea, shower pissing!

[–]shfart 0 points1 point ago

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last picture reminded me of Bear Grylls even though he does it a bit differently...

[–]titovan 0 points1 point ago

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It really should be called the Bear Grylls

[–]Jetgatling 0 points1 point ago

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Yes...I...uh...do it for the environment.

[–]chesterstone 0 points1 point ago

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You didn't put a pic of Bear Grylls in the last panel? I am disappoint.

[–]NerFxD 0 points1 point ago

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how can you betray us like that kerbe? fj is dissapoint :(

[–]Ivallios 0 points1 point ago

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There are literally books about this.

[–]winston_manswallow 0 points1 point ago

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laughed hard. thank you

[–]RandallScandall 0 points1 point ago

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Im gonna try the Austrailian way hanging by knees upside down

[–]frowgferd 0 points1 point ago

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"The Business Man"

[–]Ender11 0 points1 point ago

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Don't cross the streams, Igon.

[–]Corrr 0 points1 point ago

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Do the Russian where the toilet pees on you.

[–]2stanky 0 points1 point ago

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I have done five of these while drunk, but I've never done "the drunk." I have, though, pissed all over my girlfriend's backpack that was at the top of our stairs, nowhere near the bathroom.

[–]Don_Anon 0 points1 point ago

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No-hander a.k.a. The Churchill

[–]haesuse 0 points1 point ago

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Goddamn it. Can't i get an uncensored version?

[–]crazywoods 0 points1 point ago

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A great day to be a guy

[–]Kolson3000 0 points1 point ago

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The cocks were censored only because the guy can't draw one...

[–]Jaymiah 0 points1 point ago

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HaHa! Women don't get the joke.

[–]catsvanbag 0 points1 point ago

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When I was a kid I tried "Old Faithful" out of curiosity. Never try it.

[–]BordomBeThyName 2 points3 points ago

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[–]raffytraffy 0 points1 point ago

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what's this? original content on reddit? what the fuck is happening here?

[–]Dumey 0 points1 point ago

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If two people are peeing in the Double Rainbow, where are the other two!?

[–]MmmOnions 0 points1 point ago

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The "Business Man" is called the A.C. Slater where I come from.

[–]ImagineIfThisWasNSFW 0 points1 point ago

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Imagine if this wasn't censored.

[–]ImagineIfThisWasNSFW 0 points1 point ago

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Imagine if this wasn't censored.

[–]ImagineIfThisWasNSFW 0 points1 point ago

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Imagine if this wasn't censored.

[–]bloodygears 0 points1 point ago

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I have done more of these the i care to admit...

[–]valereea93 0 points1 point ago

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care to make one for us women!?!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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So, either this guy always pees naked or he really likes to draw butts.

[–]kerbe[S] 1 point2 points ago

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cant it be both?

[–]Jiano 0 points1 point ago

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[–]dietotaku 0 points1 point ago

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"WELCOME TO MY OOL. NOTICE THERE IS NO 'P' IN IT."

[–]SystemOutPrintln 0 points1 point ago

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I have actually seen a blind man use a urinal. Now due to the rules of the bathroom I can not confirm that he was successful but he was at least standing in the right spot.

[–]JayJay729 0 points1 point ago

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Heard of the shmomit?

[–]JayJay729 0 points1 point ago

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The ninja one should have had just a pee stream coming out from behind the toilet.

[–]ChalgakillerBG 0 points1 point ago

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I once did a no-handed sniper. Unfortunately at the end it became the blindman.

[–]klobster 0 points1 point ago

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I pee in the sink. Saves time, water.

[–]Hyperian 0 points1 point ago

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i used to do the sniper, like 4 feet away, so fun.

[–]jbrand1 0 points1 point ago

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If BAC > .2

"The Drunk" = "The Blind Man"

[–]Squaredude 0 points1 point ago

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I really want to try the Spider-Man.

[–]jp221 0 points1 point ago

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Upvote for original art. Saved for actually being funny :)

[–]DSifan 0 points1 point ago

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Gotta love the rebel.

[–]PATtheBurglar 0 points1 point ago

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If i had a penny for every time iv'e wound up doing the dog at the airport on accident.

[–]TwoRolls 0 points1 point ago

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Peeing in the shower is not nearly as eco-friendly as peeing in the sink.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Not bad!

[–]shakensparco 0 points1 point ago

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So I am really curious about peeing upside down now...

[–]spoon_master 0 points1 point ago

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I must try the superman!

[–]CantHugEveryCat 0 points1 point ago

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I'm amazed this wasn't tagged NSFW. It seems almost every shitty rage comic and thread containing the word "willy" is tagged.

[–]Tre_Day 0 points1 point ago

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Where I'm from, we call "the survivalist" the "Circle of Life"

[–]GreyDog2 0 points1 point ago

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The business man = The A.C. Slater!

[–]generalchaoz 0 points1 point ago

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Holy shit! Clever and original content!

[–]Ziyad786 0 points1 point ago

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i shudder to think what would happen when the australian gets to the last few drops...

[–]Deadriverproductions 0 points1 point ago

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...well now i have to pee

[–]Ahallbom 0 points1 point ago

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Just thought I'd rep the hell out of the no-hander. It takes guts and a keen eye, but it is glorious. Glorious indeed

[–]pk7677 0 points1 point ago

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Lost it when I saw the Australian.

[–]tricky898 0 points1 point ago

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I've always called the double rainbow 'Crossing swords'.

[–]SmokinDynamite 0 points1 point ago

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I've done 6 of them

[–]HOMERjSIMPSONN 0 points1 point ago

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The drunk's the one for me!