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all 119 comments

[–]MuteSecurity 152 points153 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]B_For_Bandana 8 points9 points ago

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This one is still the best. The rhythm is just perfect.

[–]manofphat -1 points0 points ago

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Written by my buddy!

[–]mp6521 35 points36 points ago

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Ah, i remember when this was the top link for days during the great Reddit downtime.

[–]OutcastOrange 4 points5 points ago

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It was a slightly different one, but that was my first week on Reddit ever.

[–]Honey_Baked 0 points1 point ago

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I was just coming here to say....that was the first link I ever clicked on Reddit....and I've been here ever since.

[–]1CUpboat 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]OutcastOrange 1 point2 points ago

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I've only been on Reddit for six months? I'm going to live forever! Woo!

[–]Smutley 40 points41 points ago

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Another smash hit by Papa Murphy.

[–]jethro_troll 1 point2 points ago

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Is it off the album "Invest"? That's the album with "Binge" and "Never Enough", right?

[–]Angora 1 point2 points ago

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I miss pizza.

I can't control myself in the presence of it. I had to give it up altogether. In the same way that an alcoholic can't just drink one beer and be fine, I cannot eat one slice and be fine.

Woe is me.

[–]JayMayKay 3 points4 points ago

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Same here. If I eat pizza, it's the entire pizza. I cut myself off over a year ago because I simply lose all self control around it.

[–]Angora 3 points4 points ago

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Stuffed crust. With canadian bacon, pineapple, and bell peppers.

[–]JayMayKay 2 points3 points ago

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Add jalapenos and you've got a date.

[–]CaptainNibbles 3 points4 points ago

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I don't suggest sticking your dick in it though.

[–]JayMayKay 0 points1 point ago

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Don't judge me!

[–]CaptainNibbles 1 point2 points ago

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I don't but the hospital staff sure will. lol

[–]muffinmonk 1 point2 points ago

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SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP

[–]rednecktash 1 point2 points ago

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and that caused you to STOP eating it?

LOL

ask yourself how many lives you get to live on this earth, you're depriving yourself of pizza in the name of what, exactly?

[–]SurprizFortuneCookie 0 points1 point ago

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health, looking good, feeling good, feeling good about yourself, a longer life span

[–]rednecktash 0 points1 point ago

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the only thing that reduces life expectancy is a diet high in sugar

edit: i come from a future where we know things like this.

[–]tothachopper 0 points1 point ago

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Same. I never actually get full eating pizza. It's just slice after slice

[–]CovalentBear -2 points-1 points ago

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I used to work there!

[–]The_FactSphere 31 points32 points ago

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You must be new to the internet.

[–]KingRat12 11 points12 points ago

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Wait a second...who the fuck eats pizza with a fork?

[–]TRXGunner 14 points15 points ago

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donald trump and sarah palin

[–]willymo 6 points7 points ago

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It's way easier to eat with a fork if it's retardedly hot and your toppings don't fall off in a cheese-slide.

[–]Osiris32 7 points8 points ago

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Also known as "being a pussy." BE A MAN, BURN YOUR MOUTH AND LIKE IT!!

[–]6r3nn4nhax 4 points5 points ago

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Yeah! Reach down your pants, have yourself a rummage. Feel those little grapes? Those are called your fuckin' TESTICLES. MAN UP, NANCY.

[–]willymo 0 points1 point ago

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Read above. You're also a fucktard, fucktard.

[–]willymo 0 points1 point ago

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I'm pretty sure I didn't say anything about burning my mouth fucktard.

your toppings don't fall off in a cheese-slide

I just like to keep my toppings on the pizza without doing some crazy liquid cheese juggling to keep it on when I pull my slice away from the pizza.

Fucktard. I just like that word.

[–]Justintime233 -2 points-1 points ago

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Things we know about you:

  1. You're a pussy.
  2. You're under the age of 14.

[–]willymo -1 points0 points ago

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lol okay then. It must be true, for you have spoken it.

[–]Justintime233 -1 points0 points ago

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No, it's very easy to see from just reading your comments. You are immature and you eat pizza like a pussy. The facts are right there, it's really not that hard. Guess you can't see it yourself, another typical trait of immaturity.

[–]willymo 0 points1 point ago

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Okay then.

[–]Justintime233 0 points1 point ago

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Indeed.

[–]Shamson[!] 0 points1 point ago

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I don't think I've ever had pizza that was to hot to hold in my hands.

[–]arienh4 0 points1 point ago

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The best kind of pizza cannot be picked up.

[–]Justintime233 0 points1 point ago

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The pizza that is not to be mentioned.

[–]Aleril_Antarai 1 point2 points ago

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Traitors.

[–]wbeavis 1 point2 points ago

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The BEST kind of pizza cannot be picked up. Gooey, greasy, cheesy heaven.

[–]KingRat12 0 points1 point ago

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There isn't a kind of pizza that can't be eaten with hands, eating with a fork is just quitting

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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My first day at a new job. My new boss took me out for lunch. He ordered a pizza. Once it came, he started slicing it into small pieces and then proceeded to eat it with a fork. sigh

[–]SOLUNAR 4 points5 points ago

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pieces, this aint your last repost....

[–]I_Shit_In_Vaginas 9 points10 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]krasyva 3 points4 points ago

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hey i got that top vote! (:

[–]ConfusedAboutMyself 0 points1 point ago

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i wrote an entire song in that thread. i'm so lame.

[–]I_Shit_In_Vaginas 6 points7 points ago

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Cut my wife into pieces, this is my last divorce.

[–]Natacat_Mow 3 points4 points ago

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Cut my life into pizza, This is my plastic fork! Crispy pastry, so cheesy! Don't give a fuck if I burn my tongue eating!

[–]KnotSafe4Work 12 points13 points ago

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This is my plastic fork.

Cut my life into pizza. Ive broke my plastic fork. Mastication. More eating. Dont give a fuck if its carbs that im eating. Do you care if i die when im eating?

[–]Tezcatzontecatl 16 points17 points ago

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Would it be wrong, would it be right? If I ate my slice tonight. Chances are that I might.

[–]Donutfreak 6 points7 points ago

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Cheese on the left, meat to the right, and I'm contemplating every slice.

[–]DONNY_OSMAND 3 points4 points ago

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LET'S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS

[–]pyroenthused 1 point2 points ago

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TO DE-MEAT THE BUNS

[–]KingRat12 1 point2 points ago

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DID THEY SEND ME WATER? WHEN I ASKED FOR BUNS

[–]pyroenthused 1 point2 points ago

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IT'S THE FATTEST BRUNCH I EVER ATE, BUT YOU CAN BET BEFORE WE'RE THROUGH....

[–]KingRat12 0 points1 point ago

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MISTER I'LL MAKE A SANDWICH FOR YOU

[–]pyroenthused 0 points1 point ago

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TRANQUIL AS A SALAD, BUT FLAMBE WITHIN

[–]misfitskater6 2 points3 points ago

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Do you even care if I die feeding?

[–]KnotSafe4Work 0 points1 point ago

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i think i meant eating

[–]auxiliary-character 1 point2 points ago

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Eating rhymes with eating.

[–]enrag3dj3w -5 points-4 points ago

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have you heard the song before? bleeding and bleeding. ಠ_ಠ

[–]MetallicDragon 5 points6 points ago

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breathing/bleeding, actually.

[–]enrag3dj3w 1 point2 points ago

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shit. you're right. my apologies. have an upboat.

[–]jubjub2184 0 points1 point ago

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Brainstorm!!! We should all work together and make a Parody! Post it on YouTube and become million...views..

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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502 post went through 504 post some more

[–]NabroleonDynamite 2 points3 points ago

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Cut my wife into pieces!

This is my last divorce!

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points ago

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Oh, I get it. It's a song by Papa Johns.. I mean Roach.

[–]ENKC 3 points4 points ago

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Roach Johns?

[–]brraaaddddyyyyy 1 point2 points ago

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CUT MY PIE INTO PIECES THIS IS MY LAST DESERT

[–]aidaman 1 point2 points ago

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You made me so hungry.

[–]thebeat42 1 point2 points ago

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Don't understand why it's not "cut my knife into pizza, this is my plastic fork".

[–]misterjoker 1 point2 points ago

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Reference, for those who were as confused as I am.

[–]0422 1 point2 points ago

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Be careful of Pizza Shrapnel

[–]sithman25 0 points1 point ago

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Nice sunny reference!!!

[–]fishroy 1 point2 points ago

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Cut old pic into repost. This is my dumb retort.

[–]Initiative 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]toeknee0126 3 points4 points ago

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A hearty laugh was had.

[–]febrezey 2 points3 points ago

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I fucking died.

[–]AMERlCA 4 points5 points ago

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Cut Darth Maul in two pieces, just has to use the force...

[–]gangy86 2 points3 points ago

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Nothing like a meaty laugh

[–]starrbunnyy 1 point2 points ago

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I was kinda depressed before I got on here, but then I saw this. I really love that song and it made me smile :]

[–]spiralout87 0 points1 point ago

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The fuck is the fork for? Eat your pizza like an 'Merican, boy.

[–]_your_face 0 points1 point ago

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was this song really that popular? I thought I hard it a lot just because they were from the bay area (where I'm from)

[–]BrBReddit 0 points1 point ago

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That pizza looks delicious.

[–]dahlek1221 0 points1 point ago

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Just when I thought I was full for the night, I see this. Now I'm hungry again. Fuck.

[–]PATtheBurglar 0 points1 point ago

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better then the actual song.

[–]Thumbz8 0 points1 point ago

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FUCK I WANT PIZZA

[–]aXehanD_ler 0 points1 point ago

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Incredibly relevant in 2011. Awesome.

[–]p1nkfl0yd1an 0 points1 point ago

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One of these Days I'm going to cut you a little pizza.

[–]bertness 0 points1 point ago

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Good god is it that time already?

[–]Thormic 0 points1 point ago

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Cut my steak into pieces, using my knife and fork.

[–]L0CUTUS0FB0RG 0 points1 point ago

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This needs to be made into a full song.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I have a bad memory from when I was eating a huge pizza with one plastic fork. The cheese was very thick and eventually broke the plastic fork. I still managed to eat it, but I think I somehow ended up eating parts of the tiny fork... Envisioning pooping out pieces of plastic fork is weird.

[–]Solkre 0 points1 point ago

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Dammit that looks good.

[–]businessmantis 0 points1 point ago

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Why not make it, "cut my knife into pizza?"

[–]caeks 0 points1 point ago

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I'm dying from laughter.

[–]MJZMan 0 points1 point ago

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Eating pizza with utensils is probably the only thing lamer than Papa Roach.

[–]djloreddit 0 points1 point ago

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"heavy breathing" is 1 too many syllables.

[–]platonic_toe 0 points1 point ago

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i giggled like a girl when i read that

[–]qayin 0 points1 point ago

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Meh, would have changed the third line to "Mastication, time for feeding" wtf does heavy breathing have to do with nom pizza?

[–]Intolight 0 points1 point ago

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Papa Roach's cover band. Papa John's.

[–]Punkwasher 0 points1 point ago

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I

can't

STOP

eat-

ting

this

WAY

[–]masterbraetek 0 points1 point ago

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TIL: I haven't had a pepperoni slice in recent memory.

[–]KathrynTheGreat 0 points1 point ago

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Go get some! NOW!

[–]sithman25 0 points1 point ago

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Cut my eggs into pieces!

This is my last poptart!

Butter biscuits! No jelly!

Don't give a fuck what goes in my belly!

[–]balancedhighs 0 points1 point ago

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Cut My Cake into pieces! THIS IS MY KNIFE AND FORK. Would it be wrong would it be right, to eat desert tonight, chances are flatulance and I'm contemplating seconds.

Because I'm losing my lunch, losing my tea, hope somebody unconstipates me......

[–]MeDiggingMyGrave 0 points1 point ago

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I got the reference! I'm so proud of myself!

[–]IslandsWithVolcanoes -2 points-1 points ago

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Pizza Roach!

[–]rocopotomus -1 points0 points ago

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just went looking for this song the other day...loved it when first out- loving it again..now you have made it even better

[–]gt-onizuka -1 points0 points ago

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I can't stop laughing