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top 200 commentsshow all 257

[–]DomoKunMD 350 points351 points ago

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Nic Cage was on Con Air for stealing the Declaration of Independence.

[–]jmac 97 points98 points ago

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Where does The Wicker Man fit into this timeline?

[–]MilleniumHandAndShri 157 points158 points ago

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Ex con with a severe phobia of bees steals the declaration of independance.

[–][deleted] 65 points66 points ago

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but then falls back into his old way and sets up a career as a con man

[–][deleted] 73 points74 points ago

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And an arms dealer.

[–][deleted] 56 points57 points ago

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then tries his hand and telling the weather

[–]Nuggetry 62 points63 points ago

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And then he becomes a superhero and shoots his daughter with a pistol.

[–][deleted] 54 points55 points ago

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finally dying before the devil resurrects him to return people escaping from hell back to where they came from... only to find his daughter was now dead

which is why he ended up driving angry...

[–][deleted] 37 points38 points ago

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Too bad he hurt his back in the process, and got hooked on pain killers which led him into the underworld of crime and drugs.

[–][deleted] 59 points60 points ago

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which is where he ended up trying to take someones face......OFF

[–]j1veturkey 10 points11 points ago

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until he gets caught, goes to jail, marries the policewoman who takes his mugshot, and eventually steals one of the quintuplets of a big furniture tycoon because his wife can't have kids.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]MsMish24 4 points5 points ago

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While stealing a bunch of expensive cars.

[–]dbp13 7 points8 points ago

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As part of the arms dealing con he poses as a little girl but then he takes his face....off

[–]naturalcauzes 4 points5 points ago

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After posing as the girl he sold his soul to get demon powers...or something...and he has a flaming skull face...and stuff.

[–]conglock 4 points5 points ago

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Then he proceeded to watch snuff films and investigate their origins.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]utopianfiat 5 points6 points ago

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And fu manchu!

[–]wheresmyhouse 2 points3 points ago

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I really wish they had made that movie.

[–]DreamyThiefy 2 points3 points ago

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And a car thief.

[–]hodgie 9 points10 points ago

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Bees?

[–]angryformorebacon 11 points12 points ago

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BEES!

[–]sharf 10 points11 points ago

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Beads?

[–]propaglandist 5 points6 points ago

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I'm not on board.

[–]roedmo 6 points7 points ago

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We'll see who brings in more honey.

[–]Jealous_Hitler 2 points3 points ago

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[–]jguy46 0 points1 point ago

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PENIS!

[–]joeyjo0 0 points1 point ago

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bee2.

[–]stumac85 1 point2 points ago

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Old papa bear loved the honey...

[–]hodgie 0 points1 point ago

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i didnt even know we were calling him papa bear!!

[–]Dtomyn 0 points1 point ago

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The bees won't bring back your damn Declaration of Independence!!

[–]on_the_redpill 0 points1 point ago

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Somewhere in here

[–]GORILLADIX 14 points15 points ago

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Ive always thought the other way around. National treasure is about an ex con stealing the declaration.

[–]reefameen 15 points16 points ago

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He should go to jail for Ghost Rider. 20 to life, at least.

[–]moob2807 1 point2 points ago

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40 to life for drive angry, shit that movie was piss poor, unfortunately I kept watching because it was so bad but I Need that time back.

[–]Bainato 0 points1 point ago

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Now was the movie bad because of him, or was it just a bad movie? ಠ_ಠ

[–]dnbVice 7 points8 points ago

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I said : put the Declaration of Independence back in the box

[–]jammin19 0 points1 point ago

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Susan or Nicolas Cage? I dont know which one I want more...

[–]agreenbhm 0 points1 point ago

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TIL

[–]ShufflinEveryday 0 points1 point ago

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So it wasn't for killing that man while defending his wife?

[–]DreamcastFanboy 0 points1 point ago

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Wasn't it because he killed a guy in a bar fight? Am i about to get wooshed? What's happening here?

[–]maip23 75 points76 points ago

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The original version of this is even creepier.

[–][deleted] 44 points45 points ago

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My prime concern always: WHO THE FUCK VOLUNTEERS TO BE THE FACE OF CHILD RAPE FOR THESE CAMPAIGNS??

[–]TheFirstDay 23 points24 points ago

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Rapists, for less jail time.

[–]robocalypse 16 points17 points ago

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The worst part is that is probably taken from a stock photo. The dude might not have even known what he was signing up for.

[–]BackspaceMan 12 points13 points ago

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[–]somedelightfulmoron 0 points1 point ago

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I would.

[–]saintdog 0 points1 point ago

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People gotta eat.

[–]dmrnj 4 points5 points ago

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Thanks. I knew it was funny, but I wasn't getting half the context.

[–]rbcb 6 points7 points ago

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why does the guy from inside the actors studio want to rape my daughter?

[–]lordlandshark 1 point2 points ago

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MEETING ME AT THE PARK WON'T BRING BACK YOUR GOD DAMN HONEY!

[–]Paradiology 0 points1 point ago

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Why do these guys always wear glasses?

[–]Pointland32 230 points231 points ago

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Has anyone ever told Nicolas Cage that he is allowed to turn down film roles?

[–]tricityboy 155 points156 points ago

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[–]theformer 45 points46 points ago

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I...liked Next.

[–]colwynmyself 34 points35 points ago

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You are alone, I'm sorry.

[–]BreakerGandalf 10 points11 points ago

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No he's not.

[–]CaptainDexterMorgan 10 points11 points ago

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<Stands up in solidarity> I liked Next.

[–]Spo8 8 points9 points ago

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No, I am Sparticus.

[–]CaptainTim 2 points3 points ago

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O Captain! My Captain!

[–]raptormeat 1 point2 points ago

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Ebert gave it 4 stars. Would be unbelievable, but then again it's Ebert.

[–]gonzogustav 0 points1 point ago

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RIP Siskel...

[–]Helios6 5 points6 points ago

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And I thought I was the only one.

[–]Tactful 1 point2 points ago

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I'll watch anything based on a Phil K Dick piece.

[–]soulcakeduck 0 points1 point ago

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He needs Shia LeBeouf as an agent.

[–]LPfmAAF 43 points44 points ago

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He turned down lord of the rings for the part of aragorn. No joke.

[–][deleted] 44 points45 points ago

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thank god for that.

[–]Tactful 15 points16 points ago

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Long hours, locked into a three-movie deal that could turn out to be shit. Think about how much work that actually is, probably not worth the money to him.

[–]FuelForTheFeedingEnd 22 points23 points ago

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No. It wasn't about the money. If it was about money, he would have taken the role. Nic Cage works for his own amusement - he LIKES acting, believe it or not. He doesn't act because he's greedy. He takes roles he thinks he will enjoy (hence most of his insane roles.) Aragorn is great, but a pretty dull character. He lacks the chaotic aspect Cage brings to his characters. That role would be very restricting for him creatively.

[–]Tactful 15 points16 points ago

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Uh, are you like his friend or something?

I met him once in Bath shopping centre, he has a house there.

[–]beargrillz 4 points5 points ago

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Was his house on fire?

[–]Scary_The_Clown 7 points8 points ago

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How'd it get burned? How'd it get burned?!?!?!

[–]taco_tuesdays 0 points1 point ago

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It was Marcellos Santos.

[–]soawesomejohn 1 point2 points ago

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In a shopping centre? Brilliant!

[–]Takuya-san 0 points1 point ago

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Did he happen to have the Declaration of Independence? I hear it's missing.

[–]harpwn 3 points4 points ago

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Do you have any idea how much debt cage is in? He is DEFINITELY in it for the money

[–]g33n 0 points1 point ago

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Is that true? Elaborate please.

Edit: saw the link further down. Nevermind.

[–]FuelForTheFeedingEnd 0 points1 point ago

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He's in serious debt NOW, but that was in 2001. He didn't lose his money until real estate tanked in 2008.

[–]Maggins 1 point2 points ago

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Aragorn is great, but a pretty dull character. He lacks the chaotic aspect Cage brings to his characters.

A lot of his characters are pretty dull and monotone. Lord of War, Bangkok Dangerous, Adaptation, Con Air, etc. Honestly, have you even seen a Nicolas Cage movie?

[–]FuelForTheFeedingEnd 1 point2 points ago

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I've seen at least twenty of his movies. By chaotic, I don't mean insane. I just mean that the characters are inherently tumultuous, tend to be troubled, etc. Cage thrives in the roles where he has a strong internal conflict and a relatively small external one. Adaptation, Leaving Las Vegas, Bad Lieutenant, to name a few.

Aragorn didn't have very much in the way of internal conflict, thus is not a very interesting character. He's the archetypal righteous king figure - brave, bold, loyal, and very serious. He's lawful good. Nicolas Cage tends to avoid that type of character.

[–]Maggins 1 point2 points ago

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Fair enough. I thought you were referring to the type of performance the characters require. IMO, scripts that call for the character to be wooden (such as Lord of War, Weather Man, City of Angels) are the ones best suited for Cage. I've never liked it when he's tried to have emotional range because he's usually too over the top (like in Face Off). I'm not a fan of his work for the most part, but he probably could have pulled off Aragorn, although I think Mortensen was a better choice.

He's the archetypal righteous king figure - brave, bold, loyal, and very serious. He's lawful good. Nicolas Cage tends to avoid that type of character.

I wonder how much of that is purely by choice though. The "lawful good" character with little to no internal conflict has been increasingly rare in cinema over the last two decades. I'm struggling to even think of any examples (outside children's movies) from the last 5 years.

[–]H_E_Pennypacker 3 points4 points ago

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I'd have a a hard time taking the first film seriously if Strider had flipped back his hood and we'd seen Nic Cage.

[–]Gareth321 0 points1 point ago

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Viggo Mortensen was fucking born for that role. It's like when I heard they approached Will Smith first for the Matrix. Keanu Reeves was fucking born for that role. The world would be a worse place if they weren't in those movies.

[–]249ba36000029bbe9749 19 points20 points ago

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"Several of Cage's recent movie roles have been seen by critics as 'paycheck gigs' taken only because of his pressing debt."

http://articles.cnn.com/2009-11-17/entertainment/nicolas.cage.lawsuit_1_nicolas-coppola-samuel-levin-financial-ruin?_s=PM:SHOWBIZ

[–]crazy_dance 2 points3 points ago

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"Coppola also spent huge sums taking his sizable entourage on costly vacations and threw enormous, Gatsby-style parties at his residences," it said.

How awesome would it have been to be a guest at one of those parties.

[–]armyguygw 17 points18 points ago

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Zach Galileofinakusaurus (sp?) made that joke on between two ferns, to Bruce Willis I believe it was

tl,dr: CONFESS YOUR SINS

[–]grandmoffcory 3 points4 points ago

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"Did you know that some actors turn down roles?" [At 1:14]

I love Zach Galifianakis.

[–]Pointland32 7 points8 points ago

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Yeah, well, he must have copied me.

[–]happyscrappy 6 points7 points ago

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He's really broke right now. He can't afford to turn them down.

[–]Eisenstein 3 points4 points ago

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He's "rich broke". He still could live better than almost any of us and never work again.

[–]harpwn 6 points7 points ago

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No, he's real broke. Millions of dollars in debt

[–]Jigsus 2 points3 points ago

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Turn them down? He's the producer on most of the crap he's acting in these days.

[–]I_tend_to 2 points3 points ago

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Producer is another title he can get paid for and should the film, on its own, be an award winner he can walk onstage and claim the award. You are probably thinking Executive Producer who represents the studio that finances the film or invest their own money on it.

[–]SWEETBRO 0 points1 point ago

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Bad Lieutenant Port Of Call New Orleans - frikkin incredible

[–]ChrnoIV 38 points39 points ago

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I liked National Treasure :(.

[–]hc5duke 61 points62 points ago

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I want to take his face...

...

...

...

... off.

[–]rutterkin 37 points38 points ago

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So Nic Cage and John Travolta walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "Why the wrong face?"

[–]KineticShampoo 16 points17 points ago

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So Nic Cage and John Travolta walk into an asian bar, and the bartender says, "Why the wrong face?"

[–]IdTapDat 0 points1 point ago

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And then I'd take everything else off.

[–]careless 0 points1 point ago

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No more drugs for that man!

[–]frodevil 22 points23 points ago

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"Are you Susan? you look a little older than you did in the picture."

[–]farceur318 17 points18 points ago

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"And your eyes look a lot crazier."

[–]MtHammer 13 points14 points ago

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"And your hair is a lot more bird-like..."

[–]ShufflinEveryday 5 points6 points ago

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"And why do you always have that face that looks like you're trying to solve a conundrum?"

[–]frodevil 1 point2 points ago

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"And your face has that weird zipper sewn on to it..."

[–][deleted] 284 points285 points ago

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EW! I hate creepy old pervs. Upvote if you wish they would just let us 15 year old girls meet online!

[–]itsashotinthedark 29 points30 points ago

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Despite all his rage he is still just Nicolas Cage.

[–]Mark_Lincoln 16 points17 points ago

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Susan is an undercover cop. Susan will be able to get your daughter in the back of his car and threaten to send her to jail if she doesn't put out.

Susan will get away with it because other cops look the other way.

[–]MrJoeBlow 25 points26 points ago

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"Susan" and your 13 year old just made plans to steal the Declaration of Independence steal a baby and raise it themselves.

FTFY

[–]onehappybear 68 points69 points ago

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Nicolas Cage is a brilliant actor. Don't you dare insult him.

[–]Smegma_Torpedo 24 points25 points ago

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If I hear Lux Aeterna as the background music in another fucking youtube video, I'm going to quit the internet forever.

[–]Radicou 5 points6 points ago

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What? You don't think it's the perfect background music to me fraggin' noobs in CoD?! lolnoobipwnyo- I'm sorry, I just can't continue that, it's making me ill.

[–]GnomishMight 18 points19 points ago

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[–]AndrewNeo 14 points15 points ago

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Is it narcissistic to hope someone posts your own YouTube video to a thread about Nic Cage?

[–]bitch_im_a_lion 8 points9 points ago

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No, but if you expect it then maybe a little.

[–]EasyJim 14 points15 points ago

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[–]utopianfiat 5 points6 points ago

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[–]Subotan 1 point2 points ago

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The album that the song's from can be bought on this Bandcamp page.

fuck yeah Homestuck etc. etc.

[–]joeyjo0 3 points4 points ago

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Obligatory Vriska-style response. ::::)

[–]what_american_dream 9 points10 points ago

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I too recite the alphabet when I get furious.

[–]IdTapDat 0 points1 point ago

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Not to mention a sexy hunk of a man, baby.

[–]barbz 0 points1 point ago

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Thankyou! However I didn't realise just how many terrible movies that man has been in.

[–]stevenl95 7 points8 points ago

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I thought this was about Karl Pilkington's wife

[–]Tactful 1 point2 points ago

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Mate, come on, it's "Suzanne".

[–]JangoMV 6 points7 points ago

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Hey, at least the 13 year old was smart enough to meet in a public place.

[–]jjasghar 2 points3 points ago

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It's probably a girl scout

[–]JangoMV 2 points3 points ago

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See, the dude probably just wanted some cookies.

[–]elconquistador1985 11 points12 points ago

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Nicolas Cage is a vampire. He can't be only 42 years old.

[–]bl4ckb4dg3r5 5 points6 points ago

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I'm a vampire! I'm a vampire! I'm a vampire!' -Nick Cage in Vampire's Kiss

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfcJUl39iiA

[–]Thirdarm420 11 points12 points ago

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National Treasure 3: Bachmann's Bra

[–]dbp13 5 points6 points ago

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Nightmare on Pennsylvania Avenue 3: Bachmann's Brain

[–]elconquistador1985 1 point2 points ago

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Dumb and Dumber 3: Bachman Eats a Corndog

[–]ITalkToTheWind 1 point2 points ago

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Classic Albums: Bachman-Turner Overdrive's "Not Fragile"

[–]JeebusChrist 3 points4 points ago

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Dammit, now they're making a Face/Off 2?

Hollywood really is out of ideas.

[–]smoothcam72 2 points3 points ago

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[–]Yugios 1 point2 points ago

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I'm surprised you didn't put up the monopoly movie.

[–]deityofanime 5 points6 points ago

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[–]longnameislonger 1 point2 points ago

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BE WARNED PARENTS they're not actually going to steal the declaration of independence THEY'RE ACTUALLY GOING TO GO TO THE PARK.

[–]conglock 1 point2 points ago

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Has anyone seen 8mm? With cage? Probably his best film..

[–]ChainsawEpidemic 1 point2 points ago

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I don't understand :(

What is this referencing?

[–]kukkesen 1 point2 points ago

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...an ex heroin addict who just stopped using.

/slim shady

[–]chazeene13 1 point2 points ago

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...who loved booze and alternative music.

[–]on_the_redpill 1 point2 points ago

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[–]gingerking87 1 point2 points ago

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[–]itsashotinthedark 1 point2 points ago

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[–]grimeandpunishment 3 points4 points ago

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Most of the more recent Nicholas Cage films would be better if he was replaced by a random 15 year old girl. He would still have a job, but rather than acting woodenly he would lure the girls to the studio via chatrooms.

[–]zpxocivubyntmrlekwjq 1 point2 points ago

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Exactly. Everyone needs a groupie.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Geoqueen85 3 points4 points ago

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I don't get it...

[–]cohrt 3 points4 points ago

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what is this supposed to be making fun of?

[–]frisianDew 2 points3 points ago

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Obvious red flag here. No one born in the last 15 years has been named Susan.

[–]evildaemonlady 1 point2 points ago

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Truth - my name is Susan, everyone I have ever met who shares my name is at least 30 years older than me and Jewish.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]isometimesmakesense 0 points1 point ago

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I don't get it either and I actually like Cage in a bunch of roles.

[–]fm87 1 point2 points ago

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Great, now I'm getting weird looks in the library because I can't stop laughing.

[–]nirbenvana 0 points1 point ago

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steal 50 cahss in one night.

[–]ControlledBurn 0 points1 point ago

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And here I was hoping this would be the SNL Sprockets Dating game bit with Phil Hartman.

Hello my name is Susan and I just got out of prison.

[–]AnalBurns 0 points1 point ago

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Look little boy, there's a stain in my pants. It must be where the declaration of independence is hidden. Quick, try to grab it!

[–]flightsin 0 points1 point ago

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Face/Off...

[–]butterhoscotch 0 points1 point ago

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this made me smile

[–]merkedya727 0 points1 point ago

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there are just some things I can look at and crack up for hours...this is one of those things.

[–]Hcviolence 0 points1 point ago

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I'M CASTOR TROY

[–]mheyk 0 points1 point ago

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Hows R baby doin in Azrizona hunny?

[–]hillbillyesq 0 points1 point ago

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Nicolas Cage and your daughter...not even once.

[–]errday 0 points1 point ago

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is this a real ad (I mean besides the national treasure thing)

[–]MysterySolved 0 points1 point ago

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[–]orly-OWL 0 points1 point ago

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the real ad has "spector pro"? now i'm not sure which one to take seriously..

[–]BlueJoshi 0 points1 point ago

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I think if a girl I was planning on meeting turned out to be Nick Cage I'd be even more eager to meet up.

[–]shivvvy 0 points1 point ago

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Weird, my gf watched that movie last night

[–]Morphh 0 points1 point ago

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Andy Samberg really nails that impersonation

[–]mdterrapins 0 points1 point ago

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This was pretty confusing. As someone else already asked, where does the wicker man fit into the timeline?

[–]saliyuda 0 points1 point ago

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You just made my day..

[–]momsarev 0 points1 point ago

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oh, god--I hope this is a troll... please, let it be a troll...

[–]RockerJegos 0 points1 point ago

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It's a chinese guy and it's pronounced Shooshan!

[–]ladybetty 0 points1 point ago

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I actually think Nicolas Cage is pretty hot.

[–]cowme 0 points1 point ago

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trade faces with me, seth!

[–]Scrumdidly 0 points1 point ago

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"I told you to put the bunny back in the box" worse line/movie ever

[–]streetc0de 0 points1 point ago

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When I see this guy all I see is Johnny Cage

[–]Babkock 0 points1 point ago

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Nick Cage looks like the guy from Nickleback right there.

[–]A4thGrader 0 points1 point ago

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Not my 13 year-old daughter!

[–]epitaphb 0 points1 point ago

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I saw this on tumblr almost yesterday. Get with the times Reddit.

[–]RocketMan350 0 points1 point ago

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Hi Susan!

[–]moob2807 0 points1 point ago

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Sorry let me re-phrase that, how about I let you suck my tounge...face off? That line really stuck in my heed.... just me then

[–]dlite922 0 points1 point ago

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is it Sue-Zaaan or Suh-Zun? I never get it freaking right.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Lol my subconscious already knew the punchline.

[–]zeroeznonez 0 points1 point ago

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IT'S A MAP

[–]SonVolt 0 points1 point ago

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I am so confused right now...

[–]owwo 0 points1 point ago

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Fuck Susan.

[–]ladibug31480 0 points1 point ago

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Expected Susan from Adventure Time

[–]RanRanRuu 0 points1 point ago

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Implying women can't be pedophiles. Really?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Reminds me of the body suit fetish stuff. Ah the uncanny valley of creepy.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I saw the picture and I was like..."isn't that nic Cage?" Then I finished reading it and I was like XD

[–]tazbuc5 0 points1 point ago

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[–]Jiggy11 0 points1 point ago

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Is that Nic Cage in there?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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They're about to unleash the biblical plague "Hell"-A deserves.

[–]rhymeswithgrack 0 points1 point ago

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I've had a horrible week, but this made me smile. Thanks :3

[–]Ouchnottheface 0 points1 point ago

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Well good, nice to know the kids are doing something constructive.

[–]mlreinha 0 points1 point ago

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upvote all the nick cage things

[–]Niaall 0 points1 point ago

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