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top 200 commentsshow all 480

[–]IPlayTheGuitar 581 points582 points ago

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Shame he can't do that any more after the 'incident.'

[–]ESJ 248 points249 points ago

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Yeah, these days he's all holey.

[–]MikkyfinN 265 points266 points ago

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I really think you nailed it

[–]MustStopMasturbating 202 points203 points ago*

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He definitely made his point a cross

[–]Mr_Ected 154 points155 points ago

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Christ, another fucking pun thread?

[–]admiralstrong 107 points108 points ago

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This thread has given me sidesplitting laughter.

[–]aiowen 155 points156 points ago

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Seriously, I almost thew up my last supper.

[–]Ajscorpion3 48 points49 points ago

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saviour disgusting information to yourself

[–]Moxie1 45 points46 points ago

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Let's not be tacky.

[–]detlev 56 points57 points ago

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Let's not crucify him.

[–]RageOfGandalf 1 point2 points ago

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i crown this thread

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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I'll bet his hands smell like farts!

[–]Mouth_Full_Of_Dry 35 points36 points ago

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You guys really have a Passion for pun threads.

[–]sondosodnos 42 points43 points ago

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You just crossed the line.

[–]sorriso_pontual 39 points40 points ago

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You people and your religious hangups, really just awful.

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points ago

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I don't know. I am pretty religious, and even a minister, and I found this hilarious.

[–]TheRyanKing 30 points31 points ago

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(Pssst...Still a pun thread)

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points ago

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Damn.

[–]UnstuckInTime 8 points9 points ago

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Nice username!

[–]Jmsnwbrd 12 points13 points ago

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I don't know. I am pretty religious, and even a minister, and I found this hilarious.

I don't know. I am pretty religious, and even a minister, and I found this HELLarious! FTFY

[–]brunog 1 point2 points ago

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i wish i could give you three upvotes

[–]MaxPowers1 20 points21 points ago

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With the whole wide world of hand-hole related humor, you go for holey? Pathetic.

[–]duckydot28 10 points11 points ago

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OH MANS YES. high-five for Fred Weasley

[–]jman377355 6 points7 points ago

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[–]stevesonaplane 1 point2 points ago

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You never hear him fart while up there, which is odd. I'd be farting left and right.

[–]Nebozilla 1 point2 points ago

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I'll go to hell for laughing at this more than OP's pic :P

[–]chadillac83 1 point2 points ago

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now it's just a whistle and gurgle sound.

[–]Poowilly 16 points17 points ago

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The Last Airbender

[–]Lots42 11 points12 points ago

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I did this in a bathroom stall; scared a kid in the stall over.

[–]thecrikster 8 points9 points ago

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I was that kid. Actually I just thought you had your hands up your anus.

[–]Lots42 4 points5 points ago

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I'm not that bendy; old age sucks.

[–]T4u 62 points63 points ago

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Maybe 1st or 2nd circle of hell, but whoever made this today is going deeper

[–]Moxie1 19 points20 points ago

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So that's where our lost family album went.

[–]shane99 3 points4 points ago

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paw paw?

[–]canadian_stig 11 points12 points ago

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That's how I hide my porn from my religious mother.

[–]Tee900 1 point2 points ago

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That's exactly what I was thinking!

[–]Tachios 9 points10 points ago

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No. No they are not. For there is no such thing as hell.

[–]dwaxe 3 points4 points ago

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If I could change two things about religion, insistence on faith would be the first. Belief in hell would be the second.

Hell is one of the most heinous memes to enter society since the inception of culture. This belief in an eternally tortuous afterlife makes families turn against themselves, makes people weep for the imaginary torment of their loved ones, and makes people commit devastating terrorism in an attempt to stay away from it.

That being said, I don't think most of the people upvoting this picture actually believe in any sort of hell. Here, the word "hell" is being used with full acknowledgement of how petty the concept actually is.

[–]Tachios 1 point2 points ago

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Thank you, sir. 'Nuff said.

[–]oryano 175 points176 points ago

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I may go to hell for this, but if anyone prefaces a sentence by saying "I'm going to hell for this" in front of me, I'll fucking murder them.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Duperhero[S] 53 points54 points ago

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That's where they store the extra chairs.

[–]Forestisinthetrees 11 points12 points ago

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Hell has extra chairs? According to family guy, heaven has a shortage! ..Which on is the real paradise then, Christians? HM?

[–]davy_crockett 14 points15 points ago

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Especially if it's something as innocuous as fart noises.

[–]ToAllAGoodNight 22 points23 points ago

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[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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First of all. Second of all, I invented the 9/11 shot, a drink so offensive I'll only tell you the secret if you come to Dublin, IE.

[–]mr_honeybadger 23 points24 points ago

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I thought "going to hell for laughing at this" was for offensive humour.

[–]hobbit6 1 point2 points ago

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I was expecting a picture of a kid with down syndrome. I even braced myself to cringe, so this was a pleasant surprise.

[–]denniedarko 40 points41 points ago

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Did anyone else start doing this with their hands as soon as they saw this pic?

[–]TenTera 27 points28 points ago

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...DIDNOT!

[–]SaltyChristian 2 points3 points ago

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Not until now. I was trying to kick that habit. Thanks.

[–]SicilianEggplant 20 points21 points ago

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This was my one talent when I was a kid. Everyone has one, and I have "ass shaped hands" as my brother used to call it.

[–]woodman538 12 points13 points ago

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I hope you washed them after going to the toilet

[–]Moxie1 1 point2 points ago

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Now I'm wondering about your bro.

[–]El_Fantasma 5 points6 points ago

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Why is Jesus arm wrestling himself?

[–]sup3rspiffy 52 points53 points ago

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I don't get it :(

[–]Rummenigge 96 points97 points ago

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That guy with the awesome beard and awesome hair is making fart noises with his hands. Farts are funny.

[–]eugenerhan 44 points45 points ago

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i thought he was killing a butterfly.

[–][deleted] 23 points24 points ago

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i thought he was killing a butterfly.

I didn't think that ... but I do think I just found my newest euphemism for masturbation ...

[–]mrcassette 13 points14 points ago

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'acting like jesus making fart noises with his hands'? not a very catchy euphemism...

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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well, that one might catch on ...

I was thinking more, maybe if you got caught, "What were you doing in there?" ... "Oh, nothing, just killing the butterfly, you know."

hmmm, maybe not such a great ring after all.

[–]chewp911 1 point2 points ago

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It works better if a woman says it

[–]ACiDGRiM 2 points3 points ago

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I don't want the word killing to be used in something that involves my penis...ಠ_ಠ

[–]eugenerhan 3 points4 points ago

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you'll have to add the word "stubborn" somewhere.

[–]brycedriesenga 6 points7 points ago

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killing stubborn a butterfly

[–]WiretapStudios 3 points4 points ago

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Killing a stubborn button fly .

[–]Moxie1 1 point2 points ago

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Levi says ಠ_ಠ.

[–]jesticle 1 point2 points ago

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I thought he was playing dice.

[–]IHeartAmber 5 points6 points ago

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I think that man may be Allah.

[–]DiscoDonkey 2 points3 points ago

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Sure as hell can't be Mohammed

[–]tonytwobits 8 points9 points ago

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At first I read it as "FAP FAP FAP" and did not get it. The closest thing that I could come up with was he was jerking off the Holy Spirit. But then noticed that I read it wrong and was somewhat disappointed.

[–]SamZR 3 points4 points ago

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Oh. I thought that's what it meant too. I though the "ftt" was like another onomatopoeia for masturbation. Now I feel dumb. :/

[–]Laids 3 points4 points ago

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I thought he was shaking some dice Oo

[–]MikeTheInfidel 3 points4 points ago

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I just realized I've forgotten how to do this.

[–]wonmean 4 points5 points ago

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I'll bring the beer.

[–]Naught 3 points4 points ago

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It should really be "Ffffft" not "Ftttttt" a t sound can't be repeated as a constant noise, it would sound like a trill.

/weird pet peeve

[–]ndrew452 5 points6 points ago

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Since hell doesn't exist, I don't think you will be going anywhere.

[–]tanketom 1 point2 points ago

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Came here to post this.

[–]raffytraffy 56 points57 points ago

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i bet jesus would get a kick out of this, actually.

[–]UncertainCat 89 points90 points ago

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I'll show it to him and see. He's mowing my neighbor's lawn at the moment.

[–]AdonisChrist 20 points21 points ago

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I did

[–]PeacekeeperAl 7 points8 points ago

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I think he'd be more amazed about the whole internet thing. He might not even realize that this is meant to be a representation of him. By the time he's gained a decent enough knowledge of the changes that have occurred over the last 2000 years he'd be more concerned about how to get back. Sure, he'd probably be helping people as he went about. Putting things right that once went wrong, leaping from life to life. Hoping each time that his next leap, would be the leap home.

[–]Injustpotato 2 points3 points ago

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Sadly, I think he'd get locked up in an insane asylum for saying he's Jesus. :(

[–]lswanson 1 point2 points ago

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New novelty use for you since you already have Al in your username: gradually turn every post you make into the plot of Quantum Leap.

[–]PeacekeeperAl 1 point2 points ago

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Ziggy says there's only a 32% chance that that will ever happen Sam

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Did you just describe the plot to the TV series Quantum Leap?

[–]snarkinator 25 points26 points ago

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I'm pretty sure Jesus had a sense of humor... dude got millions to believe he was the son of god for 2 millennia.

Now that's a long troll.

[–]whoadave 3 points4 points ago

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Could've just been delusional, like those homeless people who claim to be Jesus. Or maybe they're just trolling too... Hmm.

[–]Elriond 3 points4 points ago

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Seeing that sentence reminded me of "The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing everybody he didn't exist."

No idea why I thought of that. Could be because I'm drunk.

[–]Moxie1 7 points8 points ago

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That would explain the typo in your username.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

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I prefer to imagine him with a sense of humour.

[–]GBob314 11 points12 points ago

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I prefer to picture jesus as a dirty old bum and your about to sock him one, because he's a dirty old bum, but you're like wait a minute, there's something special about this guy.

[–]llldevinlll 1 point2 points ago

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I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo T-Shirt because it says I want to be formal, but I'm here to party.

[–]wellactuallyhmm 13 points14 points ago

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I prefer to picture him with huge angel wings, playing lead guitar for Lynyrd Skynyrd, and I'm in the front row and I'm fucking hammered.

[–]theshinepolicy 21 points22 points ago

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Can we all stop pretending we believe in hell?

[–]palparepa 4 points5 points ago

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Hell is a real place. Repent now!

[–]Tmlkrs 4 points5 points ago

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I can't be the only one who started doing this after seeing the picture.

[–]Fjords123 8 points9 points ago

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I hate to sound stupid but can you explain it to me?

[–]takes_a_hike 19 points20 points ago

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you ever make fart sounds with your hands before? jesus invented that.

[–]woodman538 14 points15 points ago

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It's well documented in the bible

[–]Rinkeli 2 points3 points ago

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I might be special, but my farts have never sounded like "fttt fttt fttt".

[–]pinguz 2 points3 points ago

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Yeah normally it's just "fttt", but when you do it while walking it becomes "fttt fttt fttt"

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Robstaley 4 points5 points ago

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did you just tell him what a silent sound sounds like...?

[–]Fjords123 2 points3 points ago

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Okay, that is what i thought, but i wasnt' really sure! haha

[–]thecrikster 1 point2 points ago

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Ummmm he's supposed to be doing something deep and meaningful, like praying to god (yknow, dear ol' dad) for guidance/strength/two-for-one-deal.

But the picture is saying that he's doing something frivilous...juvenile really but funny.

[–]from_slo 2 points3 points ago

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Worth it...

[–]hwood 2 points3 points ago

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Yep... I'm with you...

[–]GreatBigPig 2 points3 points ago

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Must have this on t-shirt.

[–]Locutus-of-Borg 2 points3 points ago

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He also has a blade of grass between his thumbs that he'll will blow like a kazoo...

[–]peitachi 2 points3 points ago

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Okay see you guys there.

[–]whatispunk 2 points3 points ago

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It's been a while since I've been to Michigan.

[–]downvotesmakemeerect 2 points3 points ago

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Stupid Religious Sheeple

[–]Neafie2 2 points3 points ago

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But I am atheist..

[–]wholetyouinhere 5 points6 points ago

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No Jesus? No hell? No problem!

[–]the5souls 5 points6 points ago

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[–]woodman538 2 points3 points ago

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Blimey Jesus has let himself go a bit hasn't he!

[–]drambouey 1 point2 points ago

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if THIS is why you are going to hell, then you must be very dull...

[–]Kenamaru 6 points7 points ago

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Lol. Dammit. Save me a seat.

[–]Sadiyah 2 points3 points ago

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I'm going to need a seat too. It get's funnier every time I look.

[–]bricardo 5 points6 points ago

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Why would you go to a fictitious place for laughing at a funny joke about a character in a book?

[–]thecrikster 2 points3 points ago

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it's one of those books where you roll a pair of dice to determine the outcome. Higher than five? Go to page 666. Dammit!!!! Hades again....!!! Grr!!

[–]Shields519 4 points5 points ago

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But His fingers are interlocked...I don't know about you but I can't make fart noises with interlocked fingers...then again...He is Jesus

[–]Robstaley 12 points13 points ago

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i just tried it and i can confirm it is possible. not easy, but possible.

THE GENTLEMAN'S JOKE STANDS.

[–]NickDouglas 1 point2 points ago

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THE GENTLEMAN IS CORRECT IN JESTING.

[–]Dr_Zeuss 1 point2 points ago

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I can do it.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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the real story :D

[–]SkateboardNinja 1 point2 points ago

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no worries you won't go to hell.

[–]epidermius 1 point2 points ago

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i'm not going to hell, i am going to Fttt

[–]jodi15 1 point2 points ago

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god: "thou shalt not make fart noises before me."

jesus: "sorry man, I didn't know it was your turn."

[–]wellactuallyhmm 1 point2 points ago

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[–]kaisernik 1 point2 points ago

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Ill gladly spent my time with hell with you :>)

[–]SmokinDynamite 1 point2 points ago

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I'm not sure if I should upvote because the picture is funny, or if I should downvote for the overused ''Going to hell for laughing at this''

[–]sortanos 1 point2 points ago

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I like imagining Jesus as a wise guy, very advanced for his time and showing people a good way to live but also cracking some mean jokes with his buddies.

Unfortunately the grew old before the wrote about him and did not mention the fun time.

[–]BeardedBears 1 point2 points ago

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If Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor, he aint worth your devotion. ......Well I guess he doesn't really deserve it anyway, but you know what I mean.

[–]AliceA 1 point2 points ago

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Oh go ahead and sign me on-I'm still laughing!!

[–]bravo_delta 1 point2 points ago

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Dust my seat off when you get there. I'm sure I'm going!

[–]stufff 1 point2 points ago

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None of us are going to hell because it doesn't exist and this picture is making fun of an imaginary person.

[–]jstop 1 point2 points ago

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I'll bring some of you with me.

I'll take some of you with me. FTFY.

[–]Marsii 1 point2 points ago

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No such thing as hell.

[–]man_of_passion 1 point2 points ago

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Oh, wow! Jesus making fart noises with his hands! I'm sure if it comes down to you and the guy who killed like 80 people in Norway, you'll probably be the one to go to hell!

[–]planeteater 1 point2 points ago

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Sorry none of you are going to hell because it does not exist

[–]jenny4200 1 point2 points ago

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Amazing Picture but i just have to say,i dont like you redditor for i laughed to hard and spilled hot top ramen all over my laptop and my lap 0.o

Good Laugh Though..

[–]tetttet 1 point2 points ago

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Don't worry, no one's going to hell. This is also hilarious.

[–]jeepbraah 1 point2 points ago

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Good thing i don't believe in hell!

[–]Shaolinmunkey 1 point2 points ago

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Don't worry, OP, there's no such thing as Hell.

[–]riptaway 1 point2 points ago

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Dude how long have you been on the internet if this is the offensive thing you've laughed at that will send you to hell? It gets way worse

[–]-TheDevil 1 point2 points ago

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Oh boy, I can't wait to meet all you guys!

[–]musclerunner 1 point2 points ago

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If Jesus was worth anything, he'd think this is hysterical!

[–]heslaotian 1 point2 points ago

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It's a good thing hell isn't real...

[–]Manaconda 1 point2 points ago

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That's Christ? I thought he was middle eastern? This guy looks like a German.

[–]bingojones 1 point2 points ago

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Can he do "Smoke on the Water"?

[–]peoplemover 1 point2 points ago

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ummm. . there is no hell

[–]NulloK 1 point2 points ago

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There is no Hell, so don't worry my friend...

[–]thejawshoflife 1 point2 points ago

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hell doesn't exist, don't worry

[–]xoites 1 point2 points ago

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If there actually was a god and he had no sense of humor then Hell would be my only refuge.

[–]Dubya_Tea_Efff 1 point2 points ago

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Fully agree.

[–]jpe1969 5 points6 points ago

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Damn you, I laughed so hard you'd better save me two seats.

[–]Conman93 6 points7 points ago

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Hey who doesn't want a little more elbow room?

[–]AliceA 1 point2 points ago

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Sorry this bus is gonna fill up fast no saving seats!

[–]hawkinator 1 point2 points ago

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Yeah this is probably the funniest thing I've seen today. But I already knew I had a seat reserved for me.

[–]Mrmeat31 8 points9 points ago

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mplying there's a hell.

[–]PouletEnFeu 2 points3 points ago

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I very much agree despite the downvotes...

[–]krnnnnn 1 point2 points ago

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Isn't this a mormon jesus pic? They don't believe in a hell.

[–]oditogre 1 point2 points ago

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Thought the same thing. Can't put my finger on it, but mormon imagery just has this 'look' to it, that jumps out at me after growing up around it.

[–]babiesloveboobies 2 points3 points ago

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I like to think Jesus is A-OK with fart jokes.

[–]itsthesquirrel 2 points3 points ago

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If there are no fart jokes in heaven, I don't want to go there!

[–]storyr 1 point2 points ago

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Why do people assume Jesus had no sense of humor?

[–]palparepa 1 point2 points ago

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He may have, but his father doesn't.

[–]Radico87 1 point2 points ago

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I don't believe in monsters!

[–]fournuts 1 point2 points ago

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Damnit.

Going to hell too.

[–]deuxchattes 1 point2 points ago

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i totally made that noise when i saw this. with my ass cheeks.

[–]Graan 1 point2 points ago

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I was well on my way to many hells already.

[–]harpo787 1 point2 points ago

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What George Carlin referred to as "bi-labial fricative".

Regarding "the incident," some have suggested that crucifixions were done through the wrists, I'd guess because hands wouldn't hold up the weight of the body without tearing up.

[–]sonicmerlin 1 point2 points ago

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Jesus wasn't white!

Probably brown.

[–]imgur-mirror-bot 1 point2 points ago

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[–]Nortedesigns 2 points3 points ago

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Who isn't going to hell these days?

[–]this_username 8 points9 points ago

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An atheist.

[–]Duperhero[S] 1 point2 points ago

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Relevant if you're upset about anything related to religion.

[–]sna_fu_bar 1 point2 points ago

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How did I know you were going to link that? Still laughed though, people take the whole religion debate way too seriously.

[–]marckasis 0 points1 point ago

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HAHAHA¡¡¡

[–]BiPolarPolarBear 0 points1 point ago

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Alright, where's the queue?

[–]doldrim 0 points1 point ago

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Don't worry, you're not going to hell.

[–]tinnster 0 points1 point ago

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Haha. Jesus making toots with his hands in Gethsemane.

[–]VirtualSteak 0 points1 point ago

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Must be more than seven circles reserved for me if you laughed at that :(

[–]Burgerwalrus 0 points1 point ago

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Repost to /r/atheism: Profit.

[–]Typhun 0 points1 point ago

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I now have a new picture for my facebook profile, to replace Captain Murphy in a giant red cowboy hat.

[–]latecraigy 0 points1 point ago

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So I'm going to be the spelling nerd and point out it should be "ffffft", not "ftttt'.

[–]albino_wino 0 points1 point ago

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Joke's on you there is no hell.

[–]TheRedrake 0 points1 point ago

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Eh, I was going to hell anyways. It was worth it, okay? Everything that happened in Toronto last year was worth it.

[–]RaspberryV 0 points1 point ago

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relax you are not going anywhere.

[–]HemanATMOTU 0 points1 point ago

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there is no Hell, there is only Zuul

[–]Dutch_Atheist_in_USA 0 points1 point ago

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At least there's fart jokes in hell.

[–]tazunemono 0 points1 point ago

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Are you kidding me? That's fucking hilarious!

[–]DrFuzzyBallz 0 points1 point ago

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I don't get it, anyone care to explain?

Thanks in advance!

[–]nickateen 0 points1 point ago

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I'll just leave this here.

[–]raagruk 0 points1 point ago

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Ill see you in hell OP, it was worth it though.

[–]maddietheasshole 0 points1 point ago

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HARR HARR I LAUGHED AT A JOKE, I'M GOING TO HELLO LOLOL COME WIHT ME GUISE.

[–]romanius24 0 points1 point ago

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i dont even understand why thats funny O.o PS hell is not real.

[–]LittleOni 0 points1 point ago

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Joke's on you. I don't believe in Hell.

But it's still funny as sin...