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Submit your Halloween pumpkin pics to /r/horror's carving competition!

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all 134 comments

[–]yeahwellokay 90 points91 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[–]guy123 58 points59 points ago

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Of all the times I've seen this posted, this is the first time I've noticed that he has an apple on his head.

[–]Bob-Kyle 37 points38 points ago

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...HOW LONG HAS THAT BEEN THERE?

[–]explodingzebras 4 points5 points ago

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Holy crap!

[–]Implicit89 10 points11 points ago

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LOL! the way it wiggles in the air is truly mesmerizing in its own unique way

[–]ivantheadequat 13 points14 points ago

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"the way the dildo sailed through the air, writhing as if alive, was truly mesmerizing. all who beheld it's penile glory could do no more than watch. Truly, beautiful."

[–]jherazob 7 points8 points ago

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With either Morgan Freeman's or David Attenborough's voice

[–]sirwillis 11 points12 points ago

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Looks like robin hood ran out of arrows

[–]joeknowswhoiam 23 points24 points ago

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Robin Hood?! William Tell... the only time there's a swiss hero, don't rip him off ;)

[–]sirwillis 2 points3 points ago

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ugh, it was 3am on a friday night when i wrote that....close enough

[–]Varyter 3 points4 points ago

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"Wait fuck not that!"

[–]SpamFilterHatesMe 0 points1 point ago

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Thank you sir. You just destroyed my childhood.

[–]techos 0 points1 point ago

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awesome :P

[–]tahome 32 points33 points ago

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...so where did it come from?

[–]beergoggles69 46 points47 points ago*

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Northern Territory News. A legitimate newspaper in Australia. A national joke, full of stories about crocodiles, sharks, and crocs fighting sharks. And dildos. I work in a library that has to archive all Australian papers and read it often. EDIT: Where the dildo came from: a stripper's pussy.

[–]Alistephe 9 points10 points ago

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Yeah I've seen a few of our headlines on Reddit... like the one about the lesbian and the Snickers.

[–]oblivinite 5 points6 points ago

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lesbian and snickers? I must read this.

[–]Alistephe 21 points22 points ago

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[–]Heartfyre 7 points8 points ago

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I had to read that three times in an attempt to make sense of it, but now I realise that there is none to be found.

[–]JoeRuinsEverything 6 points7 points ago

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I think you misspelled eat.

[–]JMaboard 1 point2 points ago

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And the jolly rancher story, and more recently the fruit loop story.

[–]complex_reduction 6 points7 points ago

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FYI it's a local joke too.

[–]DocTomoe 0 points1 point ago

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full of stories about crocodiles, sharks, and crocs fighting sharks. And dildos

Sounds awesome. They should make a movie based on this concept. I would watch it.

[–]yawningangel 0 points1 point ago

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My GF was on the front a few years back as "girl survives savage croc attack"

[–]conaan 0 points1 point ago

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Asking the real questions, Tahome, only on ABC.

[–]localanti 0 points1 point ago

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where do you come from?

[–]snailor 1 point2 points ago

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The Northern Territory, Australia. I think majority of us who are on reddit live in Darwin (the 'capital' of the Territory) but the paper is distributed across the Territory.

[–]digbus 2 points3 points ago

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I didn't know there was any other darwin redditors I'm so flustered :P

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]SpiroAgnew 13 points14 points ago

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Fuck off, Perth, we're talking about Darwin. Nobody cares about you.

[–]ollew 2 points3 points ago

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Booooo we are important!

[–]Apellosine -2 points-1 points ago

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get back to the east coast where all the important cities are. btw Brissie here.

[–]snailor 0 points1 point ago

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I've seen quite a few (online of course) believe it or not! I also have quite a few friends who use reddit as well, but we are high school aged.

[–][deleted] 27 points28 points ago

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[–]luthiz 2 points3 points ago

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wat.

[–]Anosognosia 4 points5 points ago

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Small person Gordon Ramsay look-alike porn actor is found dead in a badger hole on his own property afaik. I don't think he was actually eaten but rather tried to do some gardening etc on his own and got stuck or something.

[–]chilehead 2 points3 points ago

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You got stuck and died while trying to do some backyard gardening?

I am not a clever man.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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From my grasp of the story, a dwarf, that looked like Gordon Ramsay who did like sex shows etc was eaten by a badger.

[–]m4genta 26 points27 points ago

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I like the flying orange dildo underneath the story.

[–]mArXmEn 11 points12 points ago

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how are you the only one to comment on that. ad placement for the win.

[–]beergoggles69 3 points4 points ago

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What about the family pass to see the Wiggles? And the pearl necklace...

[–]L0rdCha0s 19 points20 points ago

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No, this is the best headline of all time. Hands down.

[–]dt_vibe 1 point2 points ago

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You win.

[–]i_hate_lamp 1 point2 points ago

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[–]L0rdCha0s 0 points1 point ago

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I gotta say, that's quite a headline. But it's one of those trash magazines where they print crap created by a headline generator.

[–]sorrydaveicantdothat 12 points13 points ago

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[–]virusporn 3 points4 points ago

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[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Either that's a very fast bulldozer or those are very slow motorcycles if he could get away with it.

[–]Anosognosia 1 point2 points ago

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Or even Hells Angels have second thoughts about chasing a insane guy on a bulldozer.

[–]chefboyar2d2 1 point2 points ago

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I'm gonna go with extremely large puppy.

[–]explodingzebras 1 point2 points ago

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Dogged determination

[–]GimmeSomeSugar 35 points36 points ago

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[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Damnit, I came to post that. Makes me proud to be a Brit.

[–]TheAtomicPlayboy 12 points13 points ago

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It must have been left to him in his grandfather's will.

[–]GustavoFrings 5 points6 points ago

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Looks like he got... cock clocked. YEAAAAHHHHHH!

[–]explodingzebras 0 points1 point ago

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you forgot to remove your sunglasses!

[–]Awesomekip 4 points5 points ago

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'Headless Body Found in Topless Bar' always gets my vote for best headline.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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[–]localanti 3 points4 points ago

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dildos don't come

[–]SKRAMACE 2 points3 points ago

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"Why does it have balls!?!?!?"

[–]Masha_Lindsay 2 points3 points ago

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I remember reading about this. The chick was doing a trick where you shoot ping pong balls from her crotch, but was using dildos instead.

[–]ThatGirlYouKnew 3 points4 points ago

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I saw the link and was whispering to myself, 'Please don't be Australia, Please don't be Australia. Please don't be... Fuck.'

[–]snailor 1 point2 points ago

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At least you don't live in Darwin. This post is making contemplate moving to Queensland.

[–]beergoggles69 0 points1 point ago

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That's not much better :P

[–]snailor 0 points1 point ago

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At least the cane toads are friendlier there?

[–]muchadoaboutstupid 4 points5 points ago

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But where did it come from?!?!?!?!?!

[–]gcalpo 2 points3 points ago

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... how this affects your weekend, after the break!

[–]Teddster 2 points3 points ago

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I don't think the carrot is helping the case...

[–]DangerChips 2 points3 points ago

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Did anyone else notice the "Win this pearl neckless" headline right above?

[–]lukewarm2 2 points3 points ago

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[–]wombats_everywhere 2 points3 points ago

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I live in the town where that 'newspaper' is published. I feel ashamed.

[–]snailor 1 point2 points ago

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I think the worst parts about it are the illiterate text messages that they publish every day. At least Wicking is witty!

[–]wombats_everywhere 0 points1 point ago

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Oh it's terrible. I try not to read it anymore. But occasionally flicking through it, I know exactly what you mean.

[–]snailor 0 points1 point ago

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It's ok, I respect your decision. No-one really wants to go through the horror of reading it. That's why people subscribe to the Australian.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Guy gets a dildo to the head and some girls is giving away her pearl necklace? Must have been a helluva wedding reception!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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And the carrot ad beneath it is priceless.

[–]whitesox287 2 points3 points ago

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WHERE DID IT COME FROM?!?!?!

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]cablejockey 0 points1 point ago

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Bugger-me mate, whoopty freaking do, so a young man is doing what young men should do, go out in the work ute and kill a donkey and drag it back to the farm as meat for the dogs, then the cops who are most likely city boys come along and take umbrage at him doing what he's gotta do, work. Get stuffed, I was driving unlicensed back when I was 14/15 with guns in the car, and nobody batted an eye-lid. edit: Yes, I'm from Australia too.

[–]super_cynical 1 point2 points ago

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Probably the only non crocodile or UFO related headline that week.

[–]topmass 1 point2 points ago

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Looks like someone picked up his inherited dildos.

[–]mombakkie4 1 point2 points ago

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"Let my dildo loose Lew, let my dildo go loose,---they're of no further use, Lew, so let my dildo go loose." A possible explanation, seconded by Rolf.

[–]ReubyDeubs 1 point2 points ago

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[–]miamistu 1 point2 points ago

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[–]DownvoteAttractor 1 point2 points ago

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This would be an awful way to get an STD. It came from a stripper's vag. http://www.ntnews.com.au/article/2011/02/12/212161_ntnews.html

[–]alphamike1 1 point2 points ago

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WHERE DID IT COME FROM

[–]amanojaku 1 point2 points ago

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Standard for the Northern Territory.

[–]the_advice_line 1 point2 points ago

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I think they're trying to re-enact it with the carrot below

[–]roflpotamus 1 point2 points ago

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I'm afraid you are mistaken. The best headline ever is the one where the guy kicked a flaming terrorist in the balls so hard that he broke his ankle. I'd look it up for you but it's my birthday so I'm not doing a damn thing except maybe karmawhoring some sort of picture of a cat at some point.

[–]MirrorLake 1 point2 points ago

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This is my favorite headline.

[–]chickenfish333 1 point2 points ago

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im guessing it came from the advert below.

[–]SoapNine 1 point2 points ago

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This is probably better.

[–]perogy_nightmare 1 point2 points ago

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His head was left throbbing.

[–]aestus 1 point2 points ago

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My personal favourite headline was featured on the Sunday Sport I believe (an English tabloid rag) and it read:

GORDON RAMSEY SEX DWARF EATEN BY BADGER

fantastic!

[–]Epic_Lobster 1 point2 points ago

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If he wore that to the wedding, he probably deserved it.

[–]punny_human 2 points3 points ago

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Yeah, he looks like a dickhead.

[–]McSteezeMuffin 0 points1 point ago

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lol i wanna know where it came from

[–]johnconnor8100 0 points1 point ago

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so this was more important then the murder right above this headline, fantastic

[–]tomic 0 points1 point ago

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I miss the NT news. When I stayed in Darwin for a while back in 2001 every story was either about saltwater croccodiles or Nicole Kidman.

[–]snailor 0 points1 point ago

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Don't worry, we've narrowed it down to just crocodiles now.

[–]beardyjim 0 points1 point ago

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I like to imagine that this is somehow related.

[–]ferretsarerad 0 points1 point ago

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Ken?

[–]Manevolence 0 points1 point ago

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I just can't WAIT to hear where it came from.

[–]sawzall 0 points1 point ago

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[–]SpinningDespina 0 points1 point ago

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NT News is fucking awesome. When its not flying dildos, it's tourists swimming in croc holes. Clearly they have their news priorities right.

[–]detritus87 0 points1 point ago

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How about this?

[–]FiendishBeastie 0 points1 point ago

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Stay classy, Darwin.

[–]DrShithead 0 points1 point ago

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Former NT footballer murdered?! Thats so sad :(

[–]Schmangeetay 0 points1 point ago

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If this is normal for a best man, what have I gotten myself into?

[–]meowfaceman 0 points1 point ago

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I found one that said "Baby born with antlers! 'He's a dear,' mother says."

[–]PeeTSD 0 points1 point ago

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I thought everybody would have been lining up to win that "pearl necklace" tbh.

[–]thugmonkey 0 points1 point ago

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WHERE THE FUCK DID IT COME FROM?

[–]bewarethetreebadger 0 points1 point ago

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Was Bert Kreischer involved in this at all?

[–]Fiann100 0 points1 point ago

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Well, where did it come from?

[–]Fiann100 0 points1 point ago

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Well, where did it come from?

[–]UnaccompaniedMinor 0 points1 point ago

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[–]duhwinning 0 points1 point ago

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Only a giant pussy would find this story of interest!

[–]bearskinz 0 points1 point ago

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great add placement

[–]r0rix 0 points1 point ago

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Being from Darwin - This isn't all that peculiar. You should've seen the story about the couple getting raunchy on their hotel balcony!

[–]RandyTheFool 0 points1 point ago

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I am the best man in a wedding today. This does not help my nerves.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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they can fly?

[–]pperscprmonkey 0 points1 point ago

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what riveting journalism!

[–]khazzar12 0 points1 point ago

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WHERE DID IT COME FROM?!

[–]PhantomSeriously 0 points1 point ago

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Best thing? There is a huge carrot underneath the headline.

[–]DrCowboyFace 0 points1 point ago

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I saw one that said "Obama Gay Murder Cover-Up" once

[–]skyshock21 0 points1 point ago

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[–]skyshock21 0 points1 point ago

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[–]ILoveRadiohead 0 points1 point ago

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Lmao! Best headline ever.

[–]masterofstuff328 0 points1 point ago

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"Win a family pass to see the Wiggles!"

lolwut.

[–]reddoggie 0 points1 point ago

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You can win a "pearl necklace" on the same cover!

[–]Niko-1808 0 points1 point ago

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Go Australia!

[–]mydadsarse 0 points1 point ago

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[–]Bricksquad -4 points-3 points ago

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WHILE YOU SEASHELL NECKLACE ROCKIN', CAMPFIRE KUMBYAYA SINGIN', SURFIN' USA HAIRCUT REPRESENTIN ASS RACE CAR BED HAVING TWERPS LOOKED AT THIS RETARDED ASS PIC 218 OTHER WHITEYS GOT TOLD TO HOLD THEM ANKLES BY A NIGGA NAMED ALEJANDRO THE COKE MULE IN PRISON. FUCK YOU

[–]sagewah -1 points0 points ago

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How does he do it?

I mean, I spent maybe a minute lokng at this pic, but our man Alejandro managed to line up 218 guys and, presumably, fucka few of them.

Does he spend all day doing this/. Or does he have other interests? If it's yuor thing, then sure, I guess it could be fun. for a while. But 218?In a row? Day after day?

Alejandro's stamina - not to mention his tolerance for chafing - must be fucking legendary.

Surely a man with that sort of can-do attitude must be able to find a way to earn a decent living; the fact that he's behind bars is a tragedy.

[–]creo68 -3 points-2 points ago

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nahhhh i like "Special Olympics T-Ball stand pitches perfect game"

[–]l3wi -5 points-4 points ago

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Fucking Australians...