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top 200 commentsshow all 236

[–]ImageBot 238 points239 points ago

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Relevant information can also be found in the comments here:

This is an automated message. The goal is to link within Reddit to the wealth of information contained in other areas. [FAQ] [Did I make a mistake?]

[–]TheBlackHive 94 points95 points ago

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Good boy! Gives a treat

[–]GlassSoldier 15 points16 points ago

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should probably give him cookies or something instead

[–]Honda_TypeR 2 points3 points ago

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Everyone knows... bots like lube!

[–]GlassSoldier 0 points1 point ago

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to eat?

kinky

[–]spazmodic- 0 points1 point ago

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Or some chips

[–]GlassSoldier 0 points1 point ago

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Just a byte

[–]smellycoat 2 points3 points ago

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Botsnack!

[–]AkwardTurtle 1 point2 points ago

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hmm so the good boy! posts get upvotes on /funny but on /minecraft, the "like fucking clockwork" posts get downvotes everytime a bot posts.. interesting...

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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Good boy for giving the bot a treat! *Gives TheBlackHive a treat

[–]TheBlackHive 9 points10 points ago

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Hey! I can't be won over quite that... OOOOOH SNACK! :D

[–]Lolazaurus 5 points6 points ago

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Nobody ever pays me in treats...

[–]cb43569 0 points1 point ago

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Do a trick!

[–]Technov 3 points4 points ago

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Do a barrelroll!

[–]ricecrizo 1 point2 points ago

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do the dougie

[–]BronzeSword 0 points1 point ago

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Don't take him to Micky D's though, he might get fat

[–]punx777 5 points6 points ago

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Love you imagebot. Did you consider adding the date perhaps?

[–]ImageBot 12 points13 points ago

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The bot adds the date for recent posts (less than 3 months, I believe). Otherwise, by adding the date in the comments, users tend to complain ("2 years is a long time, f*** you") which takes away from the purpose of the bot. The point isn't to show how recent posts are; it's to link to useful information in previous posts.

[–]phunphun 5 points6 points ago

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THE BOT REPLIED. :O

[–]ImageBot 10 points11 points ago

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This is the bot's author.

Only comments that say This is an automated message are written by the bot.

...Except this one.

[–]phunphun 2 points3 points ago

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Yeah, I'd just presumed that you got so many replies that you wouldn't bother replying to any of them. After all, people can PM you if there's something important.

[–]meohmy13 3 points4 points ago

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Rule 34 request placed.

[–]EntForgotHisPassword 0 points1 point ago

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I'm actually getting tired of this being at the top all the time.. Okay do give the bot some upvotes but not most in the threads

[–]josh024 167 points168 points ago

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mailed letter mysteriously missing folds

[–]padreick 100 points101 points ago

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The letter also mysteriously goes into full detail on all his hilarious exploits. Why wouldn't it just be legal jargon? It reminds me of how old movie characters have to tell both sides of the story when they're on the phone. "'Hello' you say? 'What am I doing' you say?"

[–]ACSlater 2 points3 points ago

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It reminds me of how old movie characters have to tell both sides of the story when they're on the phone. "'Hello' you say? 'What am I doing' you say?"

Shits hilarious. I'm picturing James Cagney yelling that into a telephone right now.

[–]notavalidusername 35 points36 points ago

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I´m sure it´s hard to believe for those hundreds of retards who upvoted but the letter is fake.

edit:

http://consumerist.com/2010/12/cash4gold-denies-hilarious-letter-as-fake.html

[–][deleted] 37 points38 points ago

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Who cares, its funny, thats the important factor here.

Ungreased, backdoor, hammertime-lovemaking-session.

I laughed so hard I pissed myself a little bit.

[–]Matthiass 18 points19 points ago

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Because it cant be fake and funny right?

[–]GimmeCat -5 points-4 points ago

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Mm... not really. At least not in this case. The funny part would be in thinking the letter was seriously written by someone in the company office, totally oblivious to how "hilarious" the reply sounds to the rest of us. But, being entirely fabricated from the start, it just doesn't work. It's not in the slightest bit funny to me knowing that some random person just wrote it for the Internet fame from all these idiots who can't spot an obvious troll.

If it was genuine, it WOULD be extremely funny. But it's way, way, way too obvious and over-scripted for me to even attempt to pretend it's real. I'd love to find it funny, but it's just too dumb. :(

[–]minustwomillionkarma 2 points3 points ago

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I'm the same... It's like those Facebook posts that keep popping up. I know some of them are funny in a way, but I find no humor in them knowing they are fake. If they were real it would be a completely different story...

[–]GimmeCat 0 points1 point ago

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It's not even really that. I can suspend my disbelief in many occasions where I suspect (or even know) something being passed off as 'genuine' is actually fake. This letter just doesn't even try to hide it, though, and the thought that anyone might still actually fall for it is a bit depressing.

Comedies, satire, sitcoms et al are a different story. They aren't trying to pass themselves off as being genuine, so they succeed at delivering the humour.

[–]OllyKapow 4 points5 points ago

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I disagree. Take sitcoms for example. We know the events are all orchestrated and hours are poured into creating the comedy. We know Chandler's one-line comebacks aren't (usually) invented on the spot, but they're still good for a chuckle.

[–]DavosSeaworthy 9 points10 points ago

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It would be like finding out that Candid Camera was entirely faked; a large aspect of what makes the show "funny" is now lost. A sitcom is completely different: the humour isn't derived from thinking that you were indeed watching real people deliver spontaneous dialogue that is recorded by hidden cameras.

[–]GimmeCat 1 point2 points ago

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THANK you. Someone gets it.

[–]OllyKapow 0 points1 point ago

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I see what you're saying, but knowing that the cash4gold letter is fake, I still find it amusing, because even though I'm aware of the fabrication, the statements used are funny to read.

By the by, is your name a reference to Davos from the Song of Ice and Fire series?

[–]jkahrs595 2 points3 points ago

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Could this guy be any more right?

[–]NonPermissive 0 points1 point ago

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[–]OllyKapow 0 points1 point ago

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Thank you for that link, that's quite an interesting read.

[–]fassaction 0 points1 point ago

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Debbie Downer....dont be such a stick in the mud

[–]GimmeCat 0 points1 point ago

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Not trying to be. Like I said, I'd love to find it funny, but it's about as funny as staring at a painting of a wall.

[–]satanguy -1 points0 points ago

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boooo

u just have to have faith the the word of cash4gold

[–]CreepyJeffrey 0 points1 point ago

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I like my funny when its factual!

[–]Switche 0 points1 point ago

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[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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My favorite one-sided phone conversation is from Sabrina. This is spoken by Harrison Ford:


Frank, listen, David can't stand pain so I want you to give him a combination of morphine and - I don't...

...

Okay, not morphine, but something strong, and mixed with a sleeping tablet like Halcion.

...

They haven't proved that, Frank.

...

Uh, we have no idea. Maude thinks they were left on the chair by some guest.

...

He's not gonna sue his own mother.

...

[indignant] Well, he's NOT me!

[–]padreick 0 points1 point ago

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Hahaha, well, that's just good execution.

[–]Confucius_says 23 points24 points ago

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it looks like someone just scammed a scammer.

There truly is no honor among thieves.

[–]nonumbers 12 points13 points ago

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You can see the folds if you look closely, they probably flattened it out a lot before framing it.

[–]muchonacho 7 points8 points ago

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The glass helps too.

[–]Toovya 1 point2 points ago

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You never crease your letter's when you mean srs buziness.

[–]cornishacid6 0 points1 point ago

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I've had this letter on my hard drive for years. the fame is shopped...

[–]MangoFox 0 points1 point ago

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[–]mtux96 11 points12 points ago

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Mailed in a big envelope.

[–]Jnw563 2 points3 points ago

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Aww, you ruined it!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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I suggest you enhance?

I can see the folds in it.

[–]imaunitard 0 points1 point ago

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I iron all of my mail.

You....don't?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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You can see the folds under 'do not contact' and 'birthday party at mcdonalds'

[–]suchandsuch 0 points1 point ago

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You will not shake my faith. This guy is the best thing to come around since the guy who invented the phrase "dirty pirate hooker". Shits funny. :-)

[–]Magnora 2 points3 points ago

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ironed it

[–]Drjanitorjd 7 points8 points ago

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Not to be a Debbie downer, but to anyone still doubting it's authenticity: business letters ALWAYS have dates...

[–]noorderling 0 points1 point ago

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That's because this letter is from the future, a.k.a. the hammer time.

[–]demon_ix 6 points7 points ago

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I don't think of myself as a grammar nazi, but...

telemarketer's

ಠ_ಠ

[–]sorryDontUnderstand 5 points6 points ago

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our telemarketer's Carol and Tracie

ಠ_ಠ

[–]jecahn 11 points12 points ago*

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This letter is neither real nor fake. It was conceived by artist Greg Haberny as one of a series of letters that were all kinda similar. Greg's artist website is viewable here: http://www.suckerchump.com/

I worked with Greg probably 15 years ago as a bartender. He was also bartending and acting at the time. I don't know if he still acts but at the time there was a lot of ball breaking due to his appearance in the Adam Sandler movie: Big Daddy. He was "Goth Kid" who was made fun of by Sandler as they walked thru the park in NYC. Clip here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KE2WriEmH5c

He had just started painting and was really into stuff that could be described as something like, "sarcastic warhol." Knowing Greg, I knew immediately when this appeared all over the internet (it's been around for a while) that this was his. I also know that although he never intended for it to "go viral" the fact that it did and thousands of people's first reaction to it is to think that it's real is something that cracks him up. Only exceeded by the fact that a good number of people look at it and think that it's "fake."

Either one suits Greg, I'm sure. He laughs his ass off every time this thing pops up again.

[–]Cool_and_the_Gang 39 points40 points ago

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"Ungreased, backdoor, hammertime, lovemaking session" with our telemarketers Carol and Tracie...I laughed so fucking hard at that.

[–]ValidSimpsonsQuotes 4 points5 points ago

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Thanks, Mayor Simpson! From now on, we'll all be taking golden showers.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points ago

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MINERALS

[–]california145 7 points8 points ago

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GEOLOGISTS.

[–]the_goat_boy 3 points4 points ago

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ROSS

[–]VeritasWay 2 points3 points ago

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we were on a break!!

[–]benny_lava69 2 points3 points ago

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I'm going to be that guy and say, "isn't Ross a paleontologist?"

[–]idiftl 2 points3 points ago

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, Marie!

[–]Ciryandor 5 points6 points ago

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WE REQUIRE ADDITIONAL VESPENE GAS.

[–][deleted] 34 points35 points ago

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Fake...

[–]FishToaster 31 points32 points ago

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[–]pr1ntscreen 3 points4 points ago

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Still funny :)

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]ACSlater 0 points1 point ago

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Deceitful humor never has a savory finish. Except when you Bel Air someone I guess.

[–]saffer001 0 points1 point ago

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and gay

[–]mattxblack 1 point2 points ago

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Do you mean gay homosexual or gay happy?

[–]saffer001 -1 points0 points ago

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I'm not sure man.

[–]sjbigs 19 points20 points ago

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I don't like when people say "interwebs"

[–]Uriah_Heep 1 point2 points ago

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Not even ironically.

[–]anonymoustroll 0 points1 point ago

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...how about Introdtubes?

[–]balancedhighs -4 points-3 points ago

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You don't like what?

[–]freeform 8 points9 points ago

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He doesn't like it when people say "interwebs"

[–]Kia001 2 points3 points ago

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"...our telemarketer's Carol and Tracy..."

So, Cash4gold supports slavery? Or are they pets of some kind?

[–]bongwhacker 9 points10 points ago

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pure gold

[–]ssshield 7 points8 points ago

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alleged gold

[–]anonymoustroll 0 points1 point ago

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fake as the gold he supposedly mailed in....

....but still shiny enough that we grasp at it.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points ago

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It's also fake

[–]LunetaParty 0 points1 point ago

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Hilarious Cash4Gold Letter Is Fake - The Consumerist http://bit.ly/n3umTK

[–]soyabstemio 1 point2 points ago

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Still one of the .....

...major excuses for a repost

[–]notavalidusername 1 point2 points ago

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What´s up with all the fake shit and old reposts on reddit lately?

[–]Teotwawki69 1 point2 points ago

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58,000,000 times...

[–]JohnnyFooker 1 point2 points ago

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sigh

[–]Z0bie 1 point2 points ago

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Trying to sound all smart then writing "telemarketer's"... shudder

[–]nobgobbler 1 point2 points ago

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Who cares if it's fake, this is one of the funniest things I've ever seen!

[–]DonPiano 1 point2 points ago

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phake

[–]T4u 1 point2 points ago

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That's comedy gold

[–]plus1zero 1 point2 points ago

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I've never seen this before. Good stuff.

[–]manami333 1 point2 points ago

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some of the funniest shit ive seen.made me lol so loud i almost farted ......

[–]LaughAtFunnyStuff 2 points3 points ago

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Damn smart title to post a repost.

[–]GiediPrime 2 points3 points ago

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Upvote for feral - "I do not think that word means what you think it means."

[–]Claclink 13 points14 points ago

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as in wild. they used it correctly...

[–]KennyFuckingPowers 0 points1 point ago

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To be fair, I've never really seen it used like that. I mean, I've never heard...

"Oh man, we had such a FERAL time at Disneyworld!"

"That girl? Nah, she's too feral for me."

[–]superfuzzy 0 points1 point ago

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No, not really. Feral means wild in the sense that something does not have a home/permanent domicile. A feral cat, for example, is another word for stray. The notion of having sex with telemarketers is not "feral", it makes no sense.

[–]Claclink 0 points1 point ago

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it also means untamed. he is comparing his actions to those of a wild animal.

[–]superfuzzy 0 points1 point ago

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Well, no, the phrasing suggests his "petition" is feral, not the act itself. How can a proposition be feral?

[–]Claclink 0 points1 point ago

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If i told a woman "hey, i am going to have sex with you" she could respond "no, your proposition is animal-like"

[–]superfuzzy 0 points1 point ago

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Wut? Animals make propositions?

[–]ChangeTheBuket 2 points3 points ago

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I don't know what it means.

[–]toxicFork 11 points12 points ago*

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Feral is a "talent specificationspecialization" in the Druid tree in the game of World of Warcraft (WoW).

"Druid" is the name of one of the many classes a player can choose for their character. A class has different abilities and purposes than the others.

In WoW, when player characters "ding", they get to spend points on talent trees. These trees unlock abilities to use or enhance existing abilities or character stats (like armor, health). Each tree has a specific purpose, for example the Feral tree is for tanking and DPS.

"Dinging" is the event of leveling up. Players, when completing quests or killing mobs, gain experience. Each "level" of the player requires more experience than the previous. This ensures a continuous progression throughout the game.

Tanking is the act of taunting monsters (mobs) to attack you so that your teammates can do damage without a fear of getting hurt. The player character requires lots of armor and defensive abilities, as well as bonuses to dodge and other forms of damage reduction or avoidance. A tank also needs to be able to do enough threat to the enemy.

DPS stands for "Damage Per Second" but it can also be used as a verb. To DPS is to make sure you're doing maximum amount of damage over the period of the fight.

So some parts of the Feral spec has armor and health boosting bonuses, and some of them are to increase damage. There are other miscellaneous bonuses for PVP, as well.

PVP is "Player versus Player combat". In PVP, players attack each others' characters and either try to kill them or simply subdue them until they accomplish a goal in a battleground.

Battlegrounds are PVP zones where players are given objectives to complete. Some of the objectives are "capture the flag", some are similar to "king of the hill" in which players are required to hold control of one or more locations of interest.

Or, "A feral organism is one that has changed from being domesticated to being wild or untamed".

[–]Stranghill 4 points5 points ago

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This was . . . truly an odd read.

[–]toxicFork 4 points5 points ago

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Dammit, I KNEW I should have gone into more detail.

[–]DemanRisu 2 points3 points ago

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Disappointed, son

[–]ChangeTheBuket 0 points1 point ago

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I still had to google it... so yes.

[–]quadrasauck 4 points5 points ago

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You're retarded.

[–]Magnora 5 points6 points ago

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I think they do know, and I think it's hilarious they'd use that in a formal business letter.

[–]steamed__hams 0 points1 point ago

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You mean the person who wrote the fake letter?

[–]Magnora 0 points1 point ago

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I enjoy pretending it's real for comedy's sake

[–]Rambosherbet 1 point2 points ago

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I think the best part is that the guy framed it. But hell, I'd probably do the same thing.

[–]nbritton91 1 point2 points ago

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The McDonalds bit at the end made me loose my shit..

[–]VeritasWay 5 points6 points ago

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I heard rocking back and forth helps too.

[–]zuluthrone 1 point2 points ago

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Feral and preposterous.

[–]nasi_lemak 2 points3 points ago

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making the mistake of telemarketer's instead of telemarketers; is feral and preposterous

[–]grantrant 1 point2 points ago

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What kind of telemarketer can afford to own a Carol AND a Tracy?!?!?

[–]XxmikethedrummerxX -1 points0 points ago

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Repost, but damn this is still fucking hilarious.

[–]OHhokie1[S] -5 points-4 points ago

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I know it is, but I hadn't seen it around in quite a while.

[–]notnotnotlol 1 point2 points ago

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slow clap

[–]arkadin 3 points4 points ago

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NO.

[–]VeritasWay 3 points4 points ago

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YES

[–]omgmanatees 0 points1 point ago

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reminds me of Letters From A Nut! My dad had 2 or 3 of his books and some of the letters in them almost made me pee myself laughing! Well done, Mr. Haberny

[–]Heathenforhire 0 points1 point ago

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Lost my shit at Ed McMahon. Poor guy.

[–]verdatum 0 points1 point ago

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After 17 years on the internet, this is the first thing to put me literally in tears.

[–]Sarsiscoolright 0 points1 point ago

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Yes on so many levels.

[–]monkeenuts 0 points1 point ago

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lmao, totally agree with you on that one :)

[–]LNMagic 0 points1 point ago

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[–]toastyghost 0 points1 point ago

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man, if glenn beck still had a show or anyone gave a shit about what he had to say, he would be outraged at this.

[–]THE_NO_LIFE_KING 0 points1 point ago

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Gold, Jerrry, Gold!

[–]ttblue 0 points1 point ago

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This is one of those things I'd upvote even though I've seen it before. xD

[–]sylvanaar 0 points1 point ago

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I like the Chinese food menu in the background. Wonder if they have good hot&sour soup.

[–]agore30 0 points1 point ago

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Anyone else notice that white stuff at the bottom left corner? What is that?

[–]JoeMikeGent 0 points1 point ago

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Ancientius (god of old reposts) approves this.

[–]ColonicIrritation 0 points1 point ago

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Nothing has ever not happened more than this.

[–]NocturnalGamer 0 points1 point ago

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True Trolling.

[–]CrispyVictim 0 points1 point ago

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Cash4Told.com

[–]darkangelx 0 points1 point ago

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that was great...

[–]MakeYouMad 0 points1 point ago

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signed..... No sense of humor

[–]Wickad 0 points1 point ago

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Mm chinese for dinner at your place tonight?

[–]xyroclast 0 points1 point ago

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It looks completely and utterly fake.

[–]gangy86 0 points1 point ago

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I've got some gold rocks for sale

[–]Infinite_Troll 0 points1 point ago

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I love how they framed the letter.

[–]faladubz 0 points1 point ago

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Why is his wallpaper made up of old torn up Japanese restaurant menus?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I don't care if it's fake, it made my morning reading that.

[–]bengurpin 0 points1 point ago

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Fake or not.. I laughed

[–]gosslot 0 points1 point ago

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OP never states that this letter is "real", just funny. And it is funny ;-)

[–]PGriff88 0 points1 point ago

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The chinese menu in the background made me hungry....

I'm such a fatty =/

[–]desuma 0 points1 point ago

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funny as hell .... let's get the author a job writting for TV

[–]pskeen0927 0 points1 point ago

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A masterpiece worthy of a custom frame.

[–]Or0ku_Saki 0 points1 point ago

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Never underestimate the long term troll. LTT©®™

[–]robthompson46 0 points1 point ago

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Ha. Well played.

[–]MrSnappy 0 points1 point ago

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Is this fake?? Who cares it's funny as hell

[–]tamper 0 points1 point ago

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corny and downvoted

[–]registered_redditor 0 points1 point ago

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I see Jesus in the wrinkles.

[–]SpaceSick 0 points1 point ago

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Still one of the most reposted things I've seen on the interwebs...

[–]philm0 0 points1 point ago

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this isnt even that old -__-

[–]MrsAmour 0 points1 point ago

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I'd frame it too. lol

[–]ILoveRadiohead 0 points1 point ago

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Lmao!!! Quad hooker!

[–]isiah1979 0 points1 point ago

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I would then mail them gold painted candy bars

[–]snipsnip 0 points1 point ago

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I can't believe I read through all of that. I've read spam mails many times funnier than this.

[–]InterwebCeleb -4 points-3 points ago

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This pic is a)years old and b)has been posted here, there and everywhere once to twice a week since the start. Please stop.

[–]TracyMorganFreeman 6 points7 points ago

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Turns out everyone who is familiar with the internet is not familiar with everything on the internet, nor was with anything in particular at the same time.

[–]jeepbraah 0 points1 point ago

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First time i've seen it mr freeman.

[–]OHhokie1[S] 2 points3 points ago

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considering it has about 350 points right now, I think people like it. I know it is a repost, but I haven't seen it around in quite some time and its fucking hilarious.

[–]Grobyc 8 points9 points ago

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I've never seen it before, so thank you for posting it OP. I laughed my ass off. :)

[–]mtux96 6 points7 points ago

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First time, I've seen it.

[–]mybreathyourlung 1 point2 points ago

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I love re-seeing this. Post it again in a few months.

[–]takesthebiscuit 0 points1 point ago

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Date in diary...

[–]MrGenlock 0 points1 point ago

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Hey hey hey hey hey... Hey! I haven't seen it - And do you really want to hurt me, do you really want to make me cry!

[–]guster11 0 points1 point ago

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i dont care if its fake this is amazing

[–]ItGotRidiculous 0 points1 point ago

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Probably not the craziest person to try to send them gold either.

[–]Confucius_says 0 points1 point ago

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I'm thinking the letter is fake. I thought it was real until it got to the talks abuot hammer time with the phone receptionists.. No one would write that in a professional letter.

[–]california145 0 points1 point ago

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Dude, that website is basically an online pawn shop, making profit off of others financial desperation. "Professional letter" has no meaning to them.

[–]Confucius_says 0 points1 point ago

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what do you have against pawn shops?

[–]wtfno 0 points1 point ago

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It was conceived by artist Greg Haberny as one of a series of letters that were all kinda similar. Greg's artist website is viewable here: http://www.suckerchump.com/

[–]Downhilldude 0 points1 point ago

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Yeah, an oldie but a goodie.

[–]digitalstd 0 points1 point ago

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Its funny but the guy who tried to pay for a bill with a picture of a spider is so much funnier. There is a constant dialogue for a start .with this we just see the end.

[–]zaphodxlii 0 points1 point ago

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Hard to believe an organisation that thrives on gullible people could be so gullible.

[–]MegaMrEko -1 points0 points ago

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This is too great.

[–]blackrice87 -1 points0 points ago

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so much win!

[–]mfordway -1 points0 points ago

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I logged in to upvote you. This is my favorite thing in the world.

[–]Czar_Castic -4 points-3 points ago

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Still something that needs to stop being reposted and voted to the front page.

[–]mtux96 1 point2 points ago

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Just because you have seen it, does not mean others have not. I haven't or at least I forgot I have seen it. It's not like this has been posted on Reddit every night for the last 3 weeks.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

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Yeah, your fucking comment is annoying. I see it even on submissions I know are original.

Shut the fuck up. If people upvote it, they obviously liked it. Downvote it if you dont. Stop wasting bandwidth with your whiny bullshit.

[–]kiyuragood -1 points0 points ago

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i have seriously never laughed so hard ... ... i now must do something more stupid but epic ...sooo ... ummm ... challenge accepted