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top 200 commentsshow all 396

[–]Phallic 240 points241 points ago

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They're both thinking the exact same thing:

"That monkey looks suspicious"

[–]LostSoulsAlliance 110 points111 points ago

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They're both thinking "I've got access to feces, and I'm not afraid to throw it. Make the slightest reach to your own ass...and I'm a-throwin'!"

[–]unfortunatejordan 28 points29 points ago

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Why am I imagining a wild-west duel at the stroke of noon?

[–]LuxNocte 24 points25 points ago

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Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as Mommy took us to Taco Bell today, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?

[–]BZenMojo 6 points7 points ago

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According to a thread I read on reddit today, I've heard that they're both evil.

[–]excommunicated 1 point2 points ago

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I don't often upvote shit throwing jokes, but when I do, I upvote yours.

[–]raging_pacifist 1 point2 points ago

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Whenever I type LOL I'm very rarely LOLing...not this time you hilarious fucker. Have an upvote.

[–]drawdelove 5 points6 points ago

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My first thought was....which ones which?

[–]PlNG 4 points5 points ago

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My first thought was "those are not the eyes of a capuchin, they are the niece's".

[–]this_here_giraffe 1 point2 points ago

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I looked through all the comments to find someone else who noticed that, and you my friend are the only one I found. Thank you. I thought I was going crazy.

[–]Bluefishh 48 points49 points ago

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The monkey kind of looks like Dewey, from Malcolm in the Middle...

[–]gasmangallon3000 2 points3 points ago

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He's 19 now. You suddenly feel old.

[–]xandat 1 point2 points ago

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actually i felt old yesterday when that was on the front page.

[–]Chuck_E_Fin 123 points124 points ago

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I wish my feet had hands :/

[–]PolarBurs 13 points14 points ago

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Idk how I would feel about having hands on my feet, but hand for feet would be awesome!

[–]GaryDuder 5 points6 points ago

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You could fap and browse with both hands.

[–]FuckThe 47 points48 points ago

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I wish my feet were rockets. That would be awesome.

[–]haromaro 8 points9 points ago

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I wish my backpack had jets

[–]jbird123 1 point2 points ago

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You'd probably just fall over and hurt yourself when they went off :(

[–]Arethereboobsinhere 60 points61 points ago

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I think a mutual understanding was just reached.

[–]ChildOfYost 53 points54 points ago

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"you.... I'm on to you......"

[–]Faswaggadale 4 points5 points ago

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I see what you're doing, and I don't approve.

[–]UbuntCake 154 points155 points ago

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either of them could replace the Fry meme...

[–]IntelTrouse 548 points549 points ago

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[–]shabbadu 115 points116 points ago

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Phylum both under 'chordata'

[–]brandaustin 22 points23 points ago

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best taxonomy joke i have ever seen.

kudos

[–]g33n 15 points16 points ago

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... you've seen more than one?

Although, if you've only seen this one, then it's also technically the worst taxonomy joke you've seen.

[–]shabbadu 23 points24 points ago

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Nah, here are the worst. "Taxonomy jokes are all class." "My Dad used to tell great taxonomy jokes. It runs in the family." "My Kingdom for a half decent taxonomy joke."

[–]nhprm 12 points13 points ago

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It doesn't take a genus to make up terrible puns.

[–]shabbadu 6 points7 points ago

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Order!

[–]epicly_mediocre 48 points49 points ago

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Not Sure if calm Or Gonna throw poop

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]joe7dust 16 points17 points ago

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IT'S BANANAS! B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

[–]thatwasntveryraven 15 points16 points ago

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Cuz I ain't no silva' back apppppppppppppe

[–]pink_mango 44 points45 points ago

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That's the funniest thing I've seen today

[–]Cuzzie269 6 points7 points ago

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and ... so it begins.

[–]Pikkster 35 points36 points ago

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[–]GaryDuder 1 point2 points ago

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Is the "did you" like "did you?"

[–]made_your_day 2 points3 points ago

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Can we be friends?

[–]PotentialRelevantGif 39 points40 points ago

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[–]Chicane 19 points20 points ago

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[–]Chicane 19 points20 points ago

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[–]ShaggyBalls 36 points37 points ago

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I want in on this.

http://i.imgur.com/E3FXZ.jpg

[–]reid8470 40 points41 points ago

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That's not very funny. :(

[–]ShaggyBalls 55 points56 points ago

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I love that you have enough compassion to throw in a sad face for me. It helped.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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This makes your meme epic.

[–]restivo 374 points375 points ago*

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http://i.imgur.com/fAgYM.jpg

face swap attempt

[–]WilsonsWarbler 67 points68 points ago

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Dear lord... you made her a burn victim.

[–]Patrick5555 13 points14 points ago

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I was thinking dojo master

[–]superfusion1 1 point2 points ago

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dats racist!

[–]gfixler 1 point2 points ago

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And that monkey sure got awful purty.

[–]rofldonald 1 point2 points ago

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I laughed more then I should have.

[–]Mexicore42 136 points137 points ago

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I don't know whether to downvote this atrocity or upvote it.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points ago

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Upvote for referring to this as atrocity.

[–]madwickedguy 8 points9 points ago*

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always wanted to live there...

[–]Honda_TypeR 2 points3 points ago

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All atrocities get auto upvoted.. check your handbook dude.

[–]RobotHeather 60 points61 points ago

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I prefer the magic of the entire head swap.

[–]esponjagrande 22 points23 points ago

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Now it's NSFW

[–]sushihamburger 1 point2 points ago

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That's pretty good, but now make it so they are looking at each other.

[–]bakedbiscuits 52 points53 points ago

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[–]Rabid_Lemming 26 points27 points ago

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You two are some horrifying motherfuckers......have my upvote!

[–]Oathdynasty 7 points8 points ago

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Came in the comments looking specifically for this. Thank you sir.

[–]GalacticCannibalism 5 points6 points ago

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[–]routari 1 point2 points ago

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That monkey is... sexy

Please down-vote and provide painless suicide method suggestions.

[–]dianthe 1 point2 points ago

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I did a face swap attempt too... mine kinda turned out creepy >_<

Here you go

P.S. Made it before I saw all the other attempts, but I'll just join the party then :P

[–]delosh 1 point2 points ago

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[–]RobotHeather 22 points23 points ago

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Once again I am struck by the uncanny similarity between human babies and monkeys. I'm pretty sure if you had a particularly hairy baby there would be exactly no difference between it and a monkey until it learned to talk.

  • Poor hygiene? Check
  • Histrionic tantrums? Check
  • Bizarre facial expressions? Check
  • Lack of volume control? Check
  • Drunken ambulation? Check
  • Can't keep hands off own genitals? Check

[–]trailstomper 12 points13 points ago

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Hmm. I know some full-grown adults who meet all these characteristics.

Must be a primate thing.

[–][deleted] 311 points312 points ago

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She's cute, but I think it's cruel when parents put their children on leashes.

[–]TheAtomicPlayboy 152 points153 points ago

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Ha. Classic mix-up!

[–]owe_an_art 75 points76 points ago

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the classic only sweetens when you realize OP is the monkey's uncle

[–]Dinobonoids 23 points24 points ago

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The monkey's his uncle?!

[–]rollhomet 31 points32 points ago

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Hakuna. Matata.

[–]kukamunga 9 points10 points ago

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OP missed a golden opportunity to say "Well I'll be a monkey's uncle"

[–]MargerineHat 4 points5 points ago

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Classic beastmanbeastman!

[–]kristoferolafsson 3 points4 points ago

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lol. but really... I had a leash when I was a kid... http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0014WOWFC

[–]Unlucky13 5 points6 points ago

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That's seriously one derpy looking kid.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]98PercentChimp 2 points3 points ago

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You mean that's not normal?

[–]leif777 105 points106 points ago

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[–]WoodyPaige26 13 points14 points ago

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"Not sure if predator... or simply distant relative..."

[–]noahg4 21 points22 points ago

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To be fair I wouldn't trust your niece either.

[–]Biddooo[S] 17 points18 points ago

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I don't blame you.

She's a mischievous little one.

[–]ZeMoose 28 points29 points ago

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>_> <_<

[–]BananaWeed 16 points17 points ago

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[–]Samsy 4 points5 points ago

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a true classic

[–]LostSoulsAlliance 4 points5 points ago

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Moves me to tears of laughter every time. I'd love to see a short like "A Day In The Life Of Hitman Monkey".

[–]Samsy 1 point2 points ago

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Funny or Die should do it

[–]TheWorstBro 6 points7 points ago

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someones got to photoshop this image so their faces are swapped.. i would but lack the expertise.

[–]walter7mm 4 points5 points ago

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Would you notice a difference?

[–]Treevor 3 points4 points ago

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Yeah, they'd be looking away from each other.

[–]MrRogersMob 2 points3 points ago

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came for this, I was disappoint

[–]Unlucky13 1 point2 points ago

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[–]McWhiskey 7 points8 points ago

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That's not a monkey, it's Dobby the House Elf.

[–]thetafferboy 8 points9 points ago

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Chained up monkey make me sad :(

[–]HaightnAshbury 1 point2 points ago

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I laughed really, really hard when I saw this.

Then I let out a great big sigh. Now I'm with you, pal. Le sad :(

[–]fixTHISgrammar 14 points15 points ago

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Somebody do a better job of this so I can laugh at it:

http://i.imgur.com/Uqnk3.jpg

[–]inebriated_mormon 6 points7 points ago

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"not sure if monkey stole banana, or I ate it"

[–]AWallaby 6 points7 points ago

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Would somebody please photoshop this and switch their faces.

[–]theoneiwantedwasgone 5 points6 points ago

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that monkey is high as fuck

[–]haunchu 5 points6 points ago

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did u just photoshop her eyes on the monkeys?

[–]PlNG 1 point2 points ago

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certainly seems like it.

[–]m0122 1 point2 points ago

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It seems like a pretty obvious shop too...

[–]TheAtomicPlayboy 40 points41 points ago

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[–]Stonewater 24 points25 points ago

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Is it bad that I know the exact context of this?

[–]TheAtomicPlayboy 21 points22 points ago

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I'd be upset if you didn't.

[–]Samsy 2 points3 points ago

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damn, 46 minutes! well played Atomic Playboy

[–]RecycledThrowaway01 2 points3 points ago

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THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I CAME HERE HOPING SOMEONE WOULD SAY/POST! I'm glad you did it. Upvotes my friend! UPVOTES!!!!

[–]TipyTheFertile 24 points25 points ago

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free your niece!

[–]Biddooo[S] 22 points23 points ago

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I'm not sure her mother would appreciate that.

[–]SystemOutPrintln 2 points3 points ago*

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Her daughter being called a monkey or her being called a monkey mother*?

[–]load_more_comets 12 points13 points ago

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yes

[–]john_was_here 10 points11 points ago

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"Is that smell you or me?"

[–]verynayce 5 points6 points ago

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Youwannabuyawatch?

Nooooo.

[–]Skaters_Waltz 17 points18 points ago

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Free the monkey!

[–]Biddooo[S] 9 points10 points ago

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I wish I could. I've always wanted a monkey.

[–]AppleAtrocity 11 points12 points ago

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If I had a million dollars...

[–]Biddooo[S] 8 points9 points ago

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My thoughts EXACTLY when I wrote that. Kudos to you.

[–]stevexc 5 points6 points ago

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But not a real green dress, that's cruel.

[–]mwe112 2 points3 points ago

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If I had a million dollars .. I'd be rich.

[–]hadessniper 7 points8 points ago

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I just want to point out that chimps and small children are a very bad mix. The chimps can get very territorial and aggressive to anything around their own size. They view adults as dominant because they are larger, but may very well attack children to assert their dominance. You should also remember that they are crazy strong. Way stronger than humans so an unrestrained monkey around children can be a VERY bad idea.

[–]zap-actionsdower 20 points21 points ago

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I'd just like to point out that chimps =/= monkeys.

[–]hadessniper 4 points5 points ago

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That is a good point. This isn't a chimp, but I still think it's worth noting that just because it's a small cute primate doesn't mean you want it free around children.

[–]joe7dust 4 points5 points ago

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Hence the metal collar and leash.

[–]tuckusruckus 2 points3 points ago

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Yeah, this looks like some kind of macaque. Probably still not a good idea, but it's not any sort of a threat to a person.

[–]happycupcake 5 points6 points ago

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Unless it gives you herpes B.

[–]PA55W0RD 2 points3 points ago

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Macaques will very commonly attack people.

Particularly women or children.

[–]TehDangglingFurrry 4 points5 points ago

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SHIT FIGHT!!!

[–]gwizzlea 3 points4 points ago

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They also kind of look like each other. I'm sure she'll grow out of it though, age well you know.

The monkey probably won't age well.

[–]bakedbiscuits 4 points5 points ago

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[–]no_pain_no_gain 8 points9 points ago

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Those two are adorable! Thanks for sharing..

[–]Biddooo[S] 9 points10 points ago

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You're welcome.

[–]onedavester 6 points7 points ago

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didn't a pet monkey rip a woman's face off a while back?

[–]giraffe_keeper 13 points14 points ago

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That would've been a chimp.

[–]username_redacted 11 points12 points ago

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I think that was a chimp, they have unholy strength.

[–]paralacausa 1 point2 points ago

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The worst kind of strength

[–]ultrafetzig 3 points4 points ago

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Negative energy damage is a bitch!

[–]Olukon 5 points6 points ago

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I usually hate monkeys, but that's pretty damn funny. They look like they know something's about to go down.

"Then where'd the damn bananas go?!?"-Monkey

-intense stare-

"...Shit just got real."-Girl

[–]Massive_tunes 2 points3 points ago

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Phenomenal. To the top you go!

[–]sev3ndaytheory 2 points3 points ago

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What a shot. That shouldn't have made me laugh as much as I did...

[–]ucantbeserious 2 points3 points ago

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"You're not gonna try to touch me are you?"

[–]onemoreforthegipper 2 points3 points ago

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Haha, which one is the monkey, and who the childling?

[–]utahgimp 2 points3 points ago

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I was having a pretty (really) bad day and this pic helped me laugh. Thanks.

[–]crackduck 2 points3 points ago

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This is truly an amazing photograph. Put this in competitions and newspapers.

Maybe crop the right part out a bit.

[–]tkemberli 2 points3 points ago*

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Jesus,free that animal.

Not even my dog stays on a leash.

[–]PleaseHitOnMe 1 point2 points ago

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I agree - it must be fun to go through life with a huge metal ring around your neck and live for the sole purpose of entertaining people. Sad.

[–]Me2OnReddit 5 points6 points ago

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This is crazy, I wouldn't let a kid within a mile of one of those vicious little bastards. They turn on people all the time.

[–]fastsauce 5 points6 points ago

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Hey, that's his niece you are talking about! Have some respect.

[–]Biddooo[S] 5 points6 points ago

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They're a wee bit on the crazy side out there in Thailand.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Well people will chain them up and take pictures of them.

[–]Anti_Photon 13 points14 points ago

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So which ones your niece?

[–]Biddooo[S] 78 points79 points ago

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The one with the half-closed eyes.

[–]tuckusruckus 113 points114 points ago

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Well I'll be a monkey's uncle!

[–]Clown_Shoe 14 points15 points ago

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That has never applied to anything better then you just used it.

[–]toastedome 19 points20 points ago

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You magnificent son of a bitch.

[–]turtlepharm 3 points4 points ago

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is the metal collar really necessary?

[–]Ballsin 1 point2 points ago

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Somethings about to go down.

[–]Ganjan 1 point2 points ago

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I dunno, looks to me like they're conspiring to break out together.

[–]haiku_robot 1 point2 points ago

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I dunno, looks to 
me like they're conspiring to 
break out together.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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that is simply darling!

[–]dimebag993 1 point2 points ago

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can someone PLEASE draw this face into a skeptical looking rage face? thanks.

[–]sonofslackerboy 1 point2 points ago

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that's one stoned monkey

[–]Gurunexx 1 point2 points ago

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Someone needs to swap their faces.

[–]Vorrador 1 point2 points ago

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Quick call the Network Executives, I think we may have a TV Series here...

[–]Isenki 1 point2 points ago

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Monkey: Can't tell if baby... or naked monkey.

Baby: Can't tell if monkey... or hairy baby.

[–]DukeOfGeek 1 point2 points ago

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I SMELL CAPTIONS!!!

[–]DukeOfGeek 1 point2 points ago

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Sooo.... we have the same goals...

...for now.

[–]Constam 1 point2 points ago

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Clever girl. Never trust a monkey.

[–]10inchdisc 1 point2 points ago

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That monkey looks like Thom Yorke. I'm unsettled

[–]shanky_2 1 point2 points ago

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take all my upvotes -- i lol'd pretty good!

[–]RichyV 1 point2 points ago

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Larry David staredown

[–]isntthatironic 1 point2 points ago

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I knew I couldn't be the only one thinking this.

[–]cant_be_pun_seen 1 point2 points ago

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How does it make you feel that this is higher than 3 separate steve jobs posts?

edit: make that 5 posts

[–]HowIMetYourMonkey 1 point2 points ago

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I spilled my beer laughing at this. Approval.

[–]Other_wise_ 1 point2 points ago

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I say we submit this to a caption contest.

[–]alex0321 1 point2 points ago

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[–]magmamagma 1 point2 points ago

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Does noone realize how horrible it is to keep a monkey tied up in order to show them off solely for the purpose of our hedonistic entertainment? I'm sorry but this seems so wrong.

Downvote to oblivion if you must

[–]TheyCalledMeMad 1 point2 points ago

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That is a very shifty-looking pair of monkeys you have there. Can't trust either of them.

[–]poserfinder 1 point2 points ago

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Whats with all the downvotes???....this shit is hilarious people!

[–]lordmutt 1 point2 points ago

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[–]Smudge777 1 point2 points ago

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If that child does not become a Reddit meme, then I have no idea how this world works.

[–]Zoshchenko 1 point2 points ago

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People in my office are wondering what I'm laughing at so loudly!

[–]InnocuousPenis[!] 1 point2 points ago

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This is the single best thing I have ever seen.

[–]SaltFrog 1 point2 points ago

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Someone give that poor monkey a cigarette. (I feel bad about the metal ring, is what I'm trying to say. It'd be cool if he hung around without it, being like a bau5 little sidekick or whatever. Maybe it will happen.)

[–]Muzzles56 1 point2 points ago

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cant tell is face swap...

[–]superknilch 1 point2 points ago

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Everybody's got something to hide except me and my monkey.

[–]xor2g 1 point2 points ago

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haha that picture is fantastic, thx for sharing

[–]Phoneticone 1 point2 points ago

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So, Daniel Tosh of Tosh.0 posted this on the Tosh.0 facebook page. Thought I'd let you know. I hadn't seen it mentioned yet.

[–]TehDangglingFurrry 2 points3 points ago

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Monkeys are assholes.

[–]FoundPie 3 points4 points ago

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This is what Reddit is all about, my friends.

[–]jdemell 1 point2 points ago

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GET YOUR STINKING PAWS OFF ME YOU DAMN DIRTY APE!

[–]crackduck 1 point2 points ago

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They both just finished watching Rise of the Planet of the Apes.

[–]ict316 0 points1 point ago

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Let's just get through this...

[–]Bitter_Idealist 0 points1 point ago

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As they shouldn't.

[–]ENRICOs 0 points1 point ago

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They both look so much alike that they're probably wondering just who descended from who.

[–]illmoney 0 points1 point ago

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Haha Sinister Monkey and Kid

[–]cosworth99 0 points1 point ago

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Not sure if monkey or baby.

[–]McWitt19 0 points1 point ago

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I hope this becomes a meme... "Suspicious Monkey" ?

[–]syphon3980 0 points1 point ago

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Id like to make you an offer, that you can not refuse.

[–]MooKittyCat 0 points1 point ago

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It looks more like they are both trying to plan something against you.