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all 121 comments

[–]SoloJones 87 points88 points ago

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One does not just walk into Jared.

[–]whittler 37 points38 points ago

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You used to walk into him and then he went to Subway.

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points ago

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Its bright gates are guarded by more than just security. There are salespeople there, that do not sleep. The great eye is ever watchful. It is a glorious pussyland, riddled with perfume and high class clothing. The very air you breathe is a poisonous fume. Not with ten thousand men could you buy a ring. it is folly.

[–][deleted] -5 points-4 points ago

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Actually, he really did, just walk in that is.

[–]IonChef 58 points59 points ago

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Someone's gonna have to explain this one to me.

[–]ThePurpleFortune 32 points33 points ago

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It's a jewelry store in the States. Here is a sample commercial.

[–]toxicFork 39 points40 points ago

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wow, now the guy's a douchebag because her friends' husbands like overspoiling their wives? poor guy

[–]Go_Away_Masturbating 41 points42 points ago

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PRETTY ROCKS!

[–]once_a_lurker 4 points5 points ago

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Only thing I've upvoted in days.

[–]varemia 4 points5 points ago

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You monster!

[–]Basqueinmyzakism 0 points1 point ago

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is your handle by any chance related to Idiocracy?

[–]BHSPitMonkey 2 points3 points ago

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You're thinking of "Batin'".

[–]Surfacetovolume 6 points7 points ago

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Kind of. It's also just a chain jewelery store, not all that impressive. We aren't talking Harry Winston here. I think these commercials insult both men and women equally.

[–]Leagle_Egal 2 points3 points ago

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Not to mention the fact that it's all basically costume jewelry. If you ask them, they give you some BS about it being "chemically enhanced." What that means is that the gems are made in a lab, not mined. I have no problems with lab-made gems, in fact I prefer them. But mined gems are more expensive and appreciate in value. Jared just uses marketing mumbo-jumbo to justify jacking up their prices.

[–]Jasons_Tinny_House 2 points3 points ago

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"You took the words right out of my mouth..." soooo anyways upvote in agreement.

[–]headasplodes 3 points4 points ago

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God, i fucking hate pretentious ads like that. Reminds of that iphone ad.

"If you don't have an iphone, well, you don't have an iphone."

[–]jb700000 6 points7 points ago

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I agree. I detest apple ads. sent from my iPhone

[–]JawsIsReal 10 points11 points ago

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I feel like i'm in school again and the people behind me are laughing at something out the window and I can't see what they are laughing at.

[–]therightclique 3 points4 points ago

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Only this time nobody's laughing because it isn't funny.

[–]45441 1 point2 points ago

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Yeah, it just got to the frontpage by accident?

[–]Firstlove -5 points-4 points ago

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I finally got it. So Sam, who is overweight, obviously, wore the One Ring to stealthily consume Frodo's Lembas bread, which caused him to become just fat enough to the point that he could not, afterwards, extricate his finger from the ring. Smeagol catches on and uses the opportunity to pursue Sam, in hopes of finally claiming the ring, as he runs around Middle Earth trying to work off the added weight. In a list ditch effort, Sam eats at Subway, hence he has gone "to Jared," and slips out of the ring, which Smeagol then finds. What we see in the pic is an expression of his happiness at fate having finally granted him the ring.

Oh, wait, it's a gay joke about a jewelry store and etc. I honestly did not get that at first.

[–]AnthropomorphizedHat -1 points0 points ago

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Keep on typin'

[–]Monstermash042 7 points8 points ago

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Jared here. I can tell you that a diamond store and the subway guy have certainly not done us any favors. That's who we get?? We Jared's (Jarrod, Jerad) are a proud and diverse people.

[–]Lord_Fancy_Words 0 points1 point ago

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I'm a Jarrod. Before today, I had a certain animosity towards the other variants of our glorious name. This grudge bubbled to the surface most vehemently when people who have known me for years spelled my name incorrectly.

Thank you for eating the scales from my eyes, Jared. Thank you for making me realize it's not your fault. It's the fault of the general populace.

[–]Monstermash042 1 point2 points ago

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People never listen to the full name - they always call me Jerry. There's a "D" at the end of my name damn it!

[–]beatle9 0 points1 point ago

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holy shit, yes! I have to consciously put an effort into pronouncing the "-ed" so people don't hear Jerry.

[–]J-Red -1 points0 points ago

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Jarred here. Reporting in!

[–]RNCaptain 27 points28 points ago

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Do you want it wrapped? You can have my bow.

[–]Lurkerage 19 points20 points ago

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and my axe

[–]mindglitch 1 point2 points ago

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Huh, that reminds me. I wonder what poorly_timed_gimli is up to these days

[–]guynumberthree 0 points1 point ago

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And my sword.

[–]Always_Upvotes_Cats 6 points7 points ago

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This is precious

[–]WeJustBecameFriends 28 points29 points ago

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I always go to Jared, I just don't buy anything. Yeah, I drive about a half hour to the store and just walk in, say hello to the employees and leave. I make sure to tell my blabber mouth kids, who couldn't keep a secret to save SpongeBob's life, to not tell mommy I'm going to Jared. So when I get home my wife is stupid happy, she makes me a great meal and does naughty things to me, and not in that particular order, all because she thinks I bought her some jewelry. Why she keeps falling for this I don't know, I guess she really loves diamonds. I mean they are a girls best friend and when people know their best friend is coming over they usually prepare a meal and plan fun activities, so I get it.

[–]Chachamaru 7 points8 points ago

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Make this man president.

[–]wankingwalrus 1 point2 points ago

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We just became friends

[–]MD786 16 points17 points ago

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Mama Gollum was so proud!

[–]gregarious24 17 points18 points ago

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Lindsey Lohan hasn't aged well.

[–]OpticalDelusion 0 points1 point ago

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Thank you sir. Day, made.

[–]GeorgeForemanGrillz 6 points7 points ago

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Why?

[–]double_changgerz 5 points6 points ago

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Oh he went to Jared all right! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnX48dnQ2Pw

[–]throwninthebin 6 points7 points ago

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maybe its because im stoned as shit but i cant stop laughing at this.

[–]whitefoot 2 points3 points ago

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I'm not high at all and can't stop laughing at this. It's legitimately funny as fuck.

[–]Fishooked 2 points3 points ago

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IT CAN ONLY BE JARED!!!!!

[–]ooh_lawdy 1 point2 points ago

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[–]Lord_of_Womba 1 point2 points ago

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"Oh sam"

[–]TylerxDurden 1 point2 points ago

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Holy shit this made me laugh so hard I snorted out some of the poptart I was chewing. Now im in pain!

[–]blackstomach 1 point2 points ago

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Oh man. That theme song used annoy the fuck out of me so I moved to Japan.

[–]depach 1 point2 points ago

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upvote for confusing me as my name is Jared and I am not from the US

[–]LtRift 1 point2 points ago

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My name is Jared, got me confuckled.

[–]MrKite80 1 point2 points ago

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You made me spit up my morning oatmeal!

[–]moralnihilist 1 point2 points ago

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DAE think "Jared" is such a weird name for a store? I mean if I opened a sporting goods store and called it "Eddie," people would think I was a bit weird.

[–]EzTargut 2 points3 points ago

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I always knew they took more than your money.

[–]InglorionBasterd 2 points3 points ago

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Now I have a face to put to Tom Shane's voice on the radio.

[–]Huckleberry_Rogers 1 point2 points ago

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Tom Motherfuckin Shane!

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]hopscotchking 0 points1 point ago

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Yo dawg, etc

[–]kwansolo 0 points1 point ago

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oh, reddit

[–]sp00nix 0 points1 point ago

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Looks like he went to jared from subway and lost mad poundage.

[–]shawnfromnh 0 points1 point ago

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I hate those damn commercials.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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TIL Jared is not a local store. Never heard of them till moving to this state so thought it was only here.

[–]jaredmecham 0 points1 point ago

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Can I help you with something?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I laughed so hard on this one. Take an upvote.

[–]GlobeTrotter9 0 points1 point ago

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Creepy

[–]LordOfGummies 0 points1 point ago

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He went to Jared! Choked a bitch and stole shit...

[–]wankingwalrus 0 points1 point ago

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Well. I never lold so hard at a Reddit link before.

[–]konrad9 0 points1 point ago

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Whenever I see those commercials I start a new creative server in minecraft.

[–]dannydale 0 points1 point ago

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Bout time someone found a joke to make about those stupid commercials. Lulz!!

[–]jared1981 0 points1 point ago

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I'm Jared and what's this?

[–]dimmonkey 0 points1 point ago

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Peachtree TV unites the world with terrible advertisements. An upvote from Canada for you!

[–]amiga500c64 0 points1 point ago

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Those radio commercials make me sick.

[–]Kolbitos 0 points1 point ago

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just.........yes

[–]brennnnz 0 points1 point ago

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Legitimate lol... First thing I have laughed at all night. So good!

[–]Poowilly 0 points1 point ago

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Diamonds. She'll pretty much have to

[–]pr0digal 0 points1 point ago

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I AM JARED!

[–]mrwongme 0 points1 point ago

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Scared the crap out of me

[–]jfletcherp 0 points1 point ago

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"Every kiss begins with Kayyy"

[–]bmoviescreamqueen 0 points1 point ago

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Funny story, my mom works at Jared and said someone came in one time resembling Gollum. O_________O

[–]myclock187 0 points1 point ago

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That got an audible laugh out of me!

[–]DanKiely 0 points1 point ago

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Oh my god. That is fucking hysterical. Best pic of the day

[–]Impulsive_Impostor 0 points1 point ago

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That's the hardest I've laughed in a while. I'd like to thank you.

EDIT: I simply thank you.

[–]penistouchingclown -4 points-3 points ago

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[–]GotBetterThingsToDo 7 points8 points ago

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I am not quite sure how I feel about you. I'm thinking, too gung-ho.

[–]penistouchingclown -4 points-3 points ago

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thats my style like it or don't also im merciful so eyebleach.com

[–]pingpongindingdang 2 points3 points ago

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"your scarin' us lady!"

[–]penistouchingclown 1 point2 points ago

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I am no lady sir, just a clown who touches penises

[–]abeijopuvyz 0 points1 point ago

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[–]spaceyraygun 0 points1 point ago

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love me, fear me, do as i say and i will be your slave.

[–]jared1981 0 points1 point ago

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That's Jareth. I would know, I got called that a lot by a fan of Labyrinth.

[–]abeijopuvyz 0 points1 point ago

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google lied to me

[–]jared1981 0 points1 point ago

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[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Cagn -1 points0 points ago

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lolol I wasn't expecting that

[–]guynumberthree -1 points0 points ago

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But wait, what's he got in his pocketses?

[–]omegaxo -1 points0 points ago

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Oh, so that's why he's so skinny.

[–]khdutton -2 points-1 points ago

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Sam mumbling: Nyah nyah NYAH! He went to JARED! grrr!

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points ago

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i love subway!

[–]SmileAfterReading -2 points-1 points ago

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And to think, I was headed to Tiffanys.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Has nothing to do with Subway. Has to do with "Jared" the jewelry store. See other comments in this thread.

[–]HindsightHero -1 points0 points ago

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He went to fucking Jared! Oh fuck, fucking yes, he went to mother fucking Jared, you lucky cunt!

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

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Me aint from AMURIKA. Downvote.

[–]Quizchris -1 points0 points ago

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Ahahahaha!!! I laughed for so long on this!

[–][deleted] -4 points-3 points ago

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a dumb shitty meme advertising a dumb shitty company, hoo fucking ray

[–]cjgames233 -2 points-1 points ago

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im sorry, but golum doesn't beat out that ugleh brace face from the TV commercial who said: "he obviously went to jared!"

[–]gollum80 -3 points-2 points ago

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Gollum looks all sorts of fucked up in that shot. poor bastard :(

[–]SlightlySlizzed -3 points-2 points ago

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Aliens

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]tehhoz -5 points-4 points ago

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I want to hate it because of the possibility of this being the new FotW meme but it is so good that I can't help but laugh.

[–]drbowman -4 points-3 points ago

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actually, he went to mathis brothers.