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all 100 comments

[–]remvegas 53 points54 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I had a court case based on a similar situation.......

[–]MananWho 73 points74 points ago

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I think we found Chris Brown's reddit account.

[–]sgt_shizzles 23 points24 points ago

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Nah, he'd need a few more fucks.

[–]nemysyss 4 points5 points ago

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[–]Vag_Assasin 1 point2 points ago

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Zing!

[–]Topsiders -4 points-3 points ago

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Wa--oooooosh!

[–]feelmyice 0 points1 point ago

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Bazinga!

[–]Spiro_Agnew 36 points37 points ago

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Woo, I get to do it four times!

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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You win

[–]AKallday 81 points82 points ago

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sounds like something Sterling Archer would say

[–]r0kud 8 points9 points ago

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Just the tip.

[–]karmadogma 17 points18 points ago

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Guy in the cartoon looks a lot like Sterling.

[–]Gomestradamus 5 points6 points ago

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I had something for this...

[–]I_Have_Many_Names 0 points1 point ago

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Blob Marley!

[–]Lordrandall 1 point2 points ago

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Amaaaaaazing!

[–]log1k -1 points0 points ago

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Was expecting an archer reference, was not disappointed :)

[–]mkicon 20 points21 points ago

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The original joke is 9 inches, and 3 times

[–][deleted] 31 points32 points ago

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No one was secure enough to laugh at that.

[–]Pravusmentis 18 points19 points ago

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I'm not mad. My penis is 13 inches. Around

[–]licorice_straw 7 points8 points ago

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party at stiffler's!

[–]GearPrimer 6 points7 points ago

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And two inches long; it's like a cheese wheel.

[–]Rollondger 1 point2 points ago

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Or a tuna can. That's why they call him chicken of the sea.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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13 inches around is only as impressive as 13 inches long. The average circumference and length of erect penises are both about 5.5".

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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As is 13" long.

[–]pandemic1444 0 points1 point ago

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I don't think many people could make it. I think the twelve inch one applies to more people.

[–]I_Have_Many_Names 0 points1 point ago

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... when it was first printed in Japan.

[–]mkicon 0 points1 point ago

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[–]TheWombShifter 8 points9 points ago

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Where I'm from we call that the Tennessee Triple Threat.

[–]Sprint_emp_no_more 45 points46 points ago

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Its three times, and hit you with a brick. Because I am Asian.

[–]EatCrayonsShitRainbo 13 points14 points ago

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No Judo chop?

[–]Sprint_emp_no_more 20 points21 points ago

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Im Asian, not Brittish! Assclown!

[–]EatCrayonsShitRainbo 12 points13 points ago

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I think you meant "Asscrown"

[–]Sprint_emp_no_more 6 points7 points ago

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You are correct, Asscrown!

[–]wOlfLisK 3 points4 points ago

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You are collect, Asscrown!

FTFY

[–]Sprint_emp_no_more 1 point2 points ago

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I could not think of how to say it in engrish!

[–]Christophoro 2 points3 points ago

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"British" I thought Asians were smart and stuff.

[–]Sprint_emp_no_more 1 point2 points ago

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What and the British are not? You try sounding out the word British with an Asian accent....."Brittish" that's what you get. Now stop being so WW2/German. Anyways I am off to get in the Asian kryptonite. My CAR!

[–]mgh245 1 point2 points ago

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You just got an assclowning from the Orient, son!

[–]Tier4 -1 points0 points ago

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There's no striking in Judo.

[–]Sprint_emp_no_more -4 points-3 points ago*

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Deleting this due doubles. You already read the comment that was here. If you missed it read the above comment. That is what it was.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Sprint_emp_no_more -1 points0 points ago

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Yes, then there are like 8 people out there that want to know what was said. They never will know when it says deleted. I am one of those people. When I see a "deleted" I die a little on the inside.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Sprint_emp_no_more 0 points1 point ago

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Ahhh, I did not know this! In the future I will remember this.

[–]VagLover 1 point2 points ago

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Lets be honest. It'd be 12 times then you'd only have to brush her with like a pinky finger to completely shatter her eye socket.

[–]Sprint_emp_no_more -1 points0 points ago

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The brick was to hurt her with. So if we do the math.... Fuck me with 12 inches and make it hurt. Dont have 12 inches, I can do it three times though. 12/3=4 inch Dick. That couldn't hurt a flea, so I would then need the brick to hit her with. That way she can have her painful 12 inches.

[–]nobodynose 4 points5 points ago

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I think you missed his joke.

He was joking that you had a 1" dick and that since you're Asian you have some crazy kung fu skills that can demolish someone using only one finger like those old school kung fu masters.

[–]Sprint_emp_no_more 0 points1 point ago

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Ah, the internet. Making me misunderstand jokes since 1984-Without facial input it is hard to determine the context of said joke. My bad yo!

[–]VagLover 1 point2 points ago

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It was a complesult

[–]syzygote 1 point2 points ago

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I'm white sigh

[–]I_saw_this_on_4chan -5 points-4 points ago

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1.5 times, because I have a big dick, and it would hurt without any beatings, but I'd still yank her hair, grab her by the throat, and smack her ass till her eyes water. That is all.

[–]Sprint_emp_no_more 0 points1 point ago

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I will never hit the bottom of anything with a dick like this. I will rub the entire edge raw trying to get to the bottom, but never bottom out. Think of it as tapered like a soda can, just like 1/8th the LENGTH!

[–]AholeKevin 3 points4 points ago

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Micropenis says he can fuck her 13 times! I'm jealous.

[–]bhuddamonk 2 points3 points ago

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a not so clever attempt to steal an andrew dice clay joke...

[–]Knobber 5 points6 points ago

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Laughed at this hard so my boss came over and checked it out, he also found it far too funny...Then the wife of my boss came over, looked at it, had a go at him and told me to get back to work... :(

[–]Karatekidmax 1 point2 points ago

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i haven't laughed that hard in a long long time. thanks for the enjoyment

[–]ATLMarketPro 0 points1 point ago

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Redd Fox was the original author of this joke!

[–]sariaslani 0 points1 point ago

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This is how in reality 12 inch means. Good one!

[–]salmon10 0 points1 point ago

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the original came from the great Red Foxx; the dirtiest old man there was: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOwvbwjeWLw&feature=related

[–]jersully 1 point2 points ago*

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I posted that this was originally Andrew Dice Clay but apparently Diceman stole it too. Bravo, sir.

[–]SPLooooosh 1 point2 points ago

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At the risk of sounding like a hipster, that joke had dust on it when I heard it in the sixties.

[–]PretendsToBeGay 0 points1 point ago

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How about I jam it in your ass and pretend you're one of my houseboys.

[–]cagedit 0 points1 point ago

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Something tells me you're faking that comment.

[–]JustATypicalRedditor 0 points1 point ago

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Dad?

[–]thaireddit 0 points1 point ago

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Can we make it 10.1 to fit in my IPad screen?

[–]MetalGuitarist 0 points1 point ago

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Donkey PAAWWWNCH!!

[–]wtfwouldmazdo 0 points1 point ago

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It won't be long before i find this in r/beatingwomen

[–]gangy86 0 points1 point ago

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[–]thediehl 0 points1 point ago

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Wasn't this a line from Rodney Dangerfield?

I'm asking.

[–]missing-alt-text 0 points1 point ago

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Black and white cartoon man and woman on purple and blue background. Woman is speaking with caption "I want 12 inches and I want it to hurt!". Man has caption "How about I fuck you twice and punch you in the head"

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I knew a girl who said this once, and also said 8 inches or more only, please. All this while she was a virgin. Of course, she had an abortion a few months later.

[–]purerage121 0 points1 point ago

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up votes all round for you sir

[–]DidntClickGuy -1 points0 points ago

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LOL PUNCHING WOMEN LOL

This wasn't funny in 1983 when I heard this joke for the first time. It's a lot less funny now.

[–]chocolate123 1 point2 points ago

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Violence towards women? Anyone?????? fuuuuck....

[–]jersully 2 points3 points ago*

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This is an old Andrew Dice Clay joke. The way I remember it is, "She told me to give her 9 inches and make it hurt. So I fucked her three times and hit her with a brick. Oh!!!"

Edit: Sorry about the dupes, Reddit was being wonky and they're now deleted. Also Salmon10 one-upped me above by pointing out Dice's joke was borrowed from the amazing Red Foxx.

[–]FarwellRob 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Little Boy Blue. Hey, he needed the money!"

[–]jersully 1 point2 points ago

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So I've got my tongue up this chick's ass. And she says, "Do I KNOW you?"

[–]FarwellRob 1 point2 points ago

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Jack and Jill went up the hill Both with a buck and a quarter Jill came down with two-fifty That fuckin' whore.

[–]callipygian_idealist 1 point2 points ago

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The Adventures of Ford Fairlane.

[–]paxanimus 0 points1 point ago

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Caught me just right. LOL.

[–]Bladelink 0 points1 point ago

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I lol'd.

[–]rollingheart -3 points-2 points ago

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i don't understand how this is even moderately funny.

[–]JustATypicalRedditor 2 points3 points ago

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there's always one

[–]powerlurker -1 points0 points ago

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probably because you have a bigger dick than most of the commenters here.

[–]anarkingx -1 points0 points ago

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This reminded me of stanhope... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IgfwwgGrEEg

[–]dsavy86 -1 points0 points ago

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Really? This joke has been around for ages and gets front paged? There IS hope after all.

[–]anarkingx -2 points-1 points ago

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This reminded me of stanhope... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IgfwwgGrEEg

[–]Wapook -4 points-3 points ago

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Can you put a NSFW tag on this shit?

[–]o2d 0 points1 point ago

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How bout you stop browsing reddit while at work, hm?

[–]whitesox287 -1 points0 points ago

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sorry, i'm not friends with midgets

[–]MaritimeLawyer -2 points-1 points ago

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I originally heard that joke as 8 inches, now I'm gonna have to fuck her THREE times :-(