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top 200 commentsshow all 378

[–]Giulz 304 points305 points ago

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"You may have thought you heard me say I wanted a lot of bacon and eggs, but what I said was: Give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Do you understand?"

[–]T-mark3V100 153 points154 points ago

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Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Don't teach a man to fish...and feed yourself. He's a grown man. And fishing's not that hard.

[–]myotheralt 64 points65 points ago

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Give a man a fire, he will be warm for the night. Set a man on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life.

[–]kielbasa330 12 points13 points ago

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if you love somebody better set them on fire...

[–]nomechinguex 17 points18 points ago

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give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day, give a fish a man and he eats for weeks

[–]Digipete 5 points6 points ago

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Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

[–]T-mark3V100 1 point2 points ago

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fish a man a give, and day weeks will eat

[–]Divine_E 2 points3 points ago

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Sell a man a fish, and you feed him for a day, teach a man to fish, and you are losing good business.

[–]ColHunterGathers 2 points3 points ago

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But don't eat fish. Fish meat is practically a vegetable.

[–]DeadPrez 30 points31 points ago*

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In this pic he has all the bacon, but I think it is missing all the eggs. Ron Swanson eats more than one egg.

*error

[–]Willie_Main 36 points37 points ago

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I really don't watch a lot of Parks and Rec but I feel like he would also take his coffee black.

Only pussies put milk in their coffee. You might as well put on a dress and go get your hair done if you're going to drink coffee with milk.

[–]dodahdoodoo 11 points12 points ago

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i think instead of coffee, it would be whiskey

[–]CrissyBarrows 7 points8 points ago

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watch more Parks and Rec!

[–]gdoubleod 6 points7 points ago

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The wolf and I disagree with your assertions

[–]col0rado 4 points5 points ago

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But there's only one egg in the picture... Wait, did someone eat the other egg already?

[–]DeadPrez 2 points3 points ago

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You are right. I didn't look close enough. I thought there was one egg under the other egg.

[–]oysterknives 4 points5 points ago

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nope, just one egg. too few for swanson. unless of course this is a swanson POV shot, and he's eaten all but that last one. He's gonna dip his bacon in the yolk. Duh.

[–]The7can6pack 1 point2 points ago

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Scotch is missing too.

[–]mirthquake 76 points77 points ago

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This was one of the most outstanding television moments of the past few years, IMHO. Right up there with The Nightman Cometh.

[–]Juvia 26 points27 points ago

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For me it was when he was dancing in the nightclub.

[–]zland1 11 points12 points ago

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Relevant I watched this for days when I first found it.. DAYS!!!

[–]itsprobablytrue 2 points3 points ago

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There goes my week

[–]venustrapsflies 2 points3 points ago

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that damn snake juice again...

[–]bmp2112 5 points6 points ago

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For me it was when Li'l Sebastian had an erection.

[–]mancko 1 point2 points ago

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Pretty much any time Chris Pratt falls does it for me. He is a big, sloppy genius physical comedian.

[–]Fuel13 12 points13 points ago

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[–]tombutt 1 point2 points ago

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Or in this case, give me all the bacon and an egg.

[–]BrandC 1 point2 points ago

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I don't think you understand son, my word is a guarantee

[–]RandomHero13b 68 points69 points ago

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"YOU ARE NOT LEAVING THE TABLE UNTIL YOU FINISH YOUR GUN!!"

[–]KidDynamo0 35 points36 points ago

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Needs scotch!

[–]capnmidnite 26 points27 points ago

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It's in the coffee

[–]real_nice_guy 24 points25 points ago

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It's in the gun

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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[–]Romnonaldao 28 points29 points ago

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Coffee? That's not coffee. It's Gravy. Grandma's recipe

[–]JayLoew 161 points162 points ago

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Milk/cream in the coffee? I'm starting to question the authenticity of this post...

[–]cat55 54 points55 points ago

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its irish cream

[–]xstaticxgpx 9 points10 points ago

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true fucking shit

[–]dominicaldaze 2 points3 points ago

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real men don't drink baileys. they drink whiskey.

[–]MaritimeLawyer 21 points22 points ago

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Came here to say that, he seems like a black coffee kinda guy to me...

[–]derpinWhileWorkin 23 points24 points ago

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It's drain cleaner. Helps him go. Feels good man.

[–]selectrix 10 points11 points ago

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Gonna need it after that breakfast.

[–]pdmcmahon 1 point2 points ago

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But that concoction will kill a Heather.

[–]MiloMuggins 4 points5 points ago

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No whiskey in the coffee either?

[–]GymIn26Minutes 4 points5 points ago

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How do you know it isn't whisky and baileys with a splash of coffee?

[–]Radico87 1 point2 points ago

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milk. Cream gives it a nicer looking color.

[–]beanso 1 point2 points ago

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Toast and eggs threw me off, why eat that when you could eat more meat?

[–]fuckscience 3 points4 points ago

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I mean really those floral pattern plates aren't even close to manly enough

[–]mchristiano93 17 points18 points ago

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They belong to his buddy he lost in the war. He uses them every morning as a salute to his fallen brethren.

[–]citizen113 10 points11 points ago

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That and Ron Swanson isn't so conscious of his dishware that he has to think beyond the simple question:

"Is it structurally sound enough to support 1 and 1/2 lbs of bacon [cooked]?"

[–]ramblerandgambler 1 point2 points ago

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Came here to say that, it looks weaker than piss.

[–]skybike 2 points3 points ago

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Pretty sure my piss is more caffeinated than that coffee.

[–]shiftshape 20 points21 points ago

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Clearly not enough eggs

[–]Rbax1010 8 points9 points ago

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Clearly not enough guns.

[–]Nethal 27 points28 points ago

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Only one thing could make this better. Li'l Sebastian by the table

[–]megisneat 13 points14 points ago

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The gun's a nice touch

[–]exjentric[S] 25 points26 points ago

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The gun-mug just really clinches it.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

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Yeah. Where'd you get it?

Edit: damn. Looks like it's sold out.

[–]biglebowski55 9 points10 points ago

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There's only one egg.

[–]Radico87 9 points10 points ago

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One egg? Fuck off.

[–]Rbax1010 8 points9 points ago

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ONE gun? Fuck off.

[–]neotropic9 7 points8 points ago

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I had a friend who worked in Subway. I went in one time to visit him and he gave me a sub with 36 pieces of bacon. He doesn't work there anymore. I need to find another friend in Subway.

[–]CorkyKribler 2 points3 points ago

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That better be free-range grain-fed gun.

[–]a_little_drunk 8 points9 points ago

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It's Swiss, it was also raised breathing clean mountain air.

[–]WAdamC 1 point2 points ago

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I'm gonna say german. Looks more like a p225

[–]Joebinn 3 points4 points ago

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[–]ptabs226 4 points5 points ago

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I was gambling in Havana

I took a little risk - Ha!

Send Lawyers, guns, and money

Dad get me out of this

  • Great song

[–]Immynimmy 6 points7 points ago

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It's missing more eggs, scotch, and perhaps a landmine would add a nice touch. And I also believe it's pronounced: "Ron FUCKING Swanson".

[–]ProKidney 11 points12 points ago

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BACONSTRIPS & BACONSTRIPS & BACONSTRIPS & BACONSTRIPS & BACONSTRIPS & BACONSTRIPS & BACONSTRIPS & BACONSTRIPS

[–]InvaderDJ 4 points5 points ago

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I get a weird mix of disgusted and hungry watching Epic Meal Time.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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Kurt Cobain ate a gun once, didn't go so well for him.

[–]TheCaptain88 2 points3 points ago

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If anyone could tell me where I can get that exact stock photo he had in the one episode it would be greatly appreciated.

[–]sikefoo 9 points10 points ago

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[–]d_b_cooper 1 point2 points ago

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Why would anyone want to eat anything other than breakfast food?

[–]mahjonggresurgence 2 points3 points ago

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Wheat toast? Fuck that shit! WONDER BREAD!!

[–]Yossarian42 10 points11 points ago

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People complaining about "cream" in the coffee forgets that a real man makes his morning coffee with a white russian mixed in.

[–]StormTAG 71 points72 points ago

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A real man makes his coffee exactly how he likes it and fuck anyone else's opinion on the matter.

[–]skybike 13 points14 points ago

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I agree. But if you put sugar in your coffee, you are a lesser man and you should feel bad about yourself.

[–]orksnork 2 points3 points ago

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Others may feel unduly burdened by this truth but it is as good as law.

[–]derpinWhileWorkin 2 points3 points ago

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Right said Fred.

[–]col0rado 1 point2 points ago

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There's enough coffee flavour in khalua that you don't need to put your white russian in your coffee. You just drink the white russian, because that's close enough.

[–]Bitter_Aztec 4 points5 points ago

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..with a side of moustache.

[–]Giulz 7 points8 points ago

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I moustache you for some more eggs

[–]skinneej 5 points6 points ago

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on second thought, I'll shave them for later.

[–]wee0x1b 6 points7 points ago

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Wood grips on a Sig look weird...

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points ago

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[–]wee0x1b 5 points6 points ago

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Man, I'd love a 210. I've got five Sigs, and there's a hole in the safe that is exactly that shape and size. But holy hell are they expensive...

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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It's definitely on my long-term DO FUCKING WANT list. But there's no way in hell I can afford one for years.

[–]wee0x1b 1 point2 points ago

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I've been wanting one for a while now. But next on the list is a threaded barrel and suppressor from Gemtech for my 226. After that is a Schofield in .38 Special. So many toys, so little time...

[–]AskMeAboutMyWiener 1 point2 points ago

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How much are they?

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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North of $2k IIRC.

[–]AskMeAboutMyWiener 5 points6 points ago

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That's Numberwang.

[–]nigel45 1 point2 points ago

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God, I just got through the first 3 series of The M&W Look. Love that shit

"Oogh, and that's a bad miss"

[–]Willie_Main 3 points4 points ago

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Great, now I'm the guy at the office looking at pictures of guns...

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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Sexy, sexy guns.

[–]mancko 1 point2 points ago

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That is perhaps the sexiest gun I've ever seen.

[–]melanieritchie 1 point2 points ago

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the butter on the toast looks like its smiling like its happy its going to be eaten

[–]E3K 11 points12 points ago

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Why do you hate punctuation?

[–]Briellen 1 point2 points ago

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The coffee should be black.

[–]cat55 2 points3 points ago

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its got bailys in it

[–]Briellen 1 point2 points ago

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Haha, k that's more like it.

[–]RedditRedneck 1 point2 points ago

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A true breakfast of champions.

[–]ThinkinFlicka 1 point2 points ago

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You forge the corn flakes with Wild Turkey, a entree passed down to Ron from his old man.

[–]phathiker 1 point2 points ago

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I would have said a Hunter S. Thompson breakfast.

[–]FoundPie 1 point2 points ago

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Needs more eggs!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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One egg? I think I speak for Ron when I say you must be an idiot.

[–]mrcrazydrawrs 1 point2 points ago

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Nice Sig

[–]mrpopenfresh 1 point2 points ago

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There is no whiskey.

[–]imyourdaddybitch 1 point2 points ago

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Keto porn (without the bread)

[–]roysourboy 1 point2 points ago

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Only a pistol? The episode where he a claymore to the little girl on a school trip was classic.

[–]beazy 1 point2 points ago

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False. Coffee must be black. Pussy.

[–]alrightandrew 1 point2 points ago

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All the elements of a well-balanced breakfast, complete with the gun to negotiate the terms of "well-balanced" with anyone who cares to dispute the term.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Not enough eggs, no whiskey, cream in the coffee. A for effort, C for execution.

[–]F0SH0 1 point2 points ago

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also missing a brunette

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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What a gorgeous P228 :)

[–]brownacid 1 point2 points ago

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ONE Egg, toast that isn't toasted, non black coffee - OH but its okay because there's a mound of bacon and a gun on the side | GTFO amature

[–]dangercollie 1 point2 points ago

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Is that a Sig/Sauer with wood grips?

[–]taniableh 1 point2 points ago

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and Cholesterol's death...

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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are you supposed to shoot yourself in the mouth once you're done eating?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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I think anyone from the UK will agree that bacon should be brown. When will America get decent bacon??!!!

[–]Srath 1 point2 points ago

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"Breakfast is the only meal of the day that I tend to view with the same kind of traditionalized reverence that most people associate with Lunch and Dinner. I like to eat breakfast alone, and almost never before noon; anybody with a terminally jangled lifestyle needs at least one psychic anchor every twenty-four hours, and mine is breakfast. In Hong Kong, Dallas or at home — and regardless of whether or not I have been to bed — breakfast is a personal ritual that can only be properly observed alone, and in a spirit of genuine excess. The food factor should always be massive: four Bloody Marys, two grapefruits, a pot of coffee, Rangoon crepes, a half-pound of either sausage, bacon, or corned beef hash with diced chiles, a Spanish omelette or eggs Benedict, a quart of milk, a chopped lemon for random seasoning, and something like a slice of Key lime pie, two margaritas, and six lines of the best cocaine for dessert…. Right, and there should also be two or three newspapers, all mail and messages, a telephone, a notebook for planning the next twenty-four hours and at least one source of good music…. All of which should be dealt with outside, in the warmth of a hot sun, and preferably stone naked." - Hunter S. Thompson

[–]flonga 1 point2 points ago

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What's the exact model of this Sig?

[–]nairbmik 1 point2 points ago

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Good god those wood grips on the Sig are sexy as hell.

[–]Dubaus 1 point2 points ago

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Does anyone else notice the face in the toast?

[–]EatSleepJeep 1 point2 points ago

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Someone's been watching the ar15.com dinner pics threads.

[–]Jaws666 1 point2 points ago

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Is Ron Swanson someone who blew his brains out after breakfast?

[–]godhatestodd 2 points3 points ago

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Someone downvoted you for that question, which is beyond me. Good thing people that care about karma are idiots.

Anyways, Ron Swanson is a lovable toughguy character on NBC's Parks and Recreation:

http://www.nbc.com/parks-and-recreation/games/rons-test-of-manliness/

[–]xxneoxx3000 1 point2 points ago

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Sad thing is, I would actually eat all that bacon. And then ask for more.

[–]pulse077 1 point2 points ago

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What, no maple pancake or waffle sauce to dip the bacon in??

[–]E3K 5 points6 points ago

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Pretty sure this is the first time I've heard someone refer to syrup as "waffle sauce".

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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[–]Iriestx 1 point2 points ago

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Ron wouldn't have cream in his coffee. Real men take their coffee black.

[–]Loborin 0 points1 point ago

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... We used to have that exact Set of Dishes... With that pattern of flowers on the outside as well!

[–]bergertree 0 points1 point ago

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Do you mean brunch?

[–]Tobar 0 points1 point ago

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YES.

[–]pbNemesis 0 points1 point ago

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On floral plates no less

[–]ChuckHustle 0 points1 point ago

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The breakfast gun, keeping meals calm from morning till noon.

[–]azsnowbrder 0 points1 point ago

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"Give me all the bacon and eggs you have" doesn't mean give me all the bacon and one egg!!!!

[–]civex 0 points1 point ago

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Can we have some more fried food in there?

[–]leaveorhunted 0 points1 point ago

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[–]Rheanne 0 points1 point ago

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Now that is the correct amount of bacon; none of this 2-pieces bullshit.

[–]Redsox933 0 points1 point ago

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This picture makes my heart hurt

[–]SodaJerk 0 points1 point ago

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Needs more egg.

[–]65stang90crx 0 points1 point ago

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Bill Brasky once ate a whole pig and a dozen eggs for breakfast while drinking a full bottle of Jack Daniels with a little coffee in it. Then after he was done ate the chicken that the eggs came from. To Bill Brasky!

[–]Willie_Main 1 point2 points ago

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Are you talking about Bill Brasky?

Did I ever tell you about the time Bill Brasky made up the entire 1985 women's Olympic Downhill Skiing team? He took a year and millions of dollars to develop the most aerodynamic and efficient skis I'd ever seen. Then, on the day of the big race, he took hold of both of my arms and ripped them from my body. He raced down the mountain on my arms in record time and took home 114 gold and one platinum medal that day. Then he spot welded my arms back on to my body with a mouth full of grain alcohol and a match.

TO BILL BRASKY!

[–]Extra_crazy_sauce 0 points1 point ago

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That coffee isn't black. Shenanigans!

[–]bschef 0 points1 point ago

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one egg? coffee with milk? Otherwise, not bad.

[–]InbredWeasel 0 points1 point ago

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If that's all the eggs you have, then this restaurant does not please him.

[–]oneohtrix 0 points1 point ago

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Wrong, there aren't nearly enough eggs there.

[–]lil_miss_sunshine 0 points1 point ago

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Does the mound of bacon come with a defibrillator?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Where'd you get that SIG mug? I really like it.

[–]GooBerryCrunch 0 points1 point ago

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And surely this will be followed up by a nice meal consisting of Turf and Turf.

[–]Onionheadhat 0 points1 point ago

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False, the coffee should be black.

[–]fingapapits 0 points1 point ago

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what the fuck is that toast doing there?

[–]Hoonster 0 points1 point ago

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I think you are missing a bullet . .

[–]mingmingcherry 0 points1 point ago

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Those are Portmeirion plates aren't they?

[–]drabhtor 0 points1 point ago

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Ron Swanson would not lay his gun so that it has to be turned over to be gripped. Trigger out--always.

[–]JMelnitz 0 points1 point ago

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Wait! wait.... I worry that what you just heard was give me a lot of bacon and eggs. What I said was, give me all.. the bacon and eggs.. you have. Do you understand?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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That doesn't look like all the eggs. ಠ_ಠ

[–]JuniperJupiter 0 points1 point ago

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Who the FUCK points their gun at their coffee? That ain't cool, man...

[–]Lorahalo 0 points1 point ago

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You know I've always wondered something about Americans; what do you do with the round bit of bacon? It's the most delicious part!

[–]nxf091000 0 points1 point ago

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what you know about dying ?

[–]conme 0 points1 point ago

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Are you sure that's all the eggs you have? I believe that's all of your bacon... but one egg? Really? Show some damn respect.

[–]tothachopper 0 points1 point ago

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"I'm a simple man. I like dark haired women and breakfast food."

[–]monkikuso 0 points1 point ago

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That is a very, very nice looking Sig. Is that a 229?

[–]pointmanzero 0 points1 point ago

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I call that normal.

[–]GnarlyNerd 0 points1 point ago

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My fucking hero. I love a libertarian who battles for the freedom to die as he pleases each and every morning.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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You forgot ALL the eggs.

[–]awyagis 0 points1 point ago

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All the bacon you have

[–]julienne 0 points1 point ago

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I don't see any smokes. He needs smokes, dammit. What man has breakfast like that without smokes?

[–]xmrvincentvegax 0 points1 point ago

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i feel like this is blatant redditor-baiting but oh well.

[–]Specialjyo 0 points1 point ago

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Ahh, i was thinking of Joe Swanson, who i imagine would have the same breakfast.

[–]DARYL_VAN_H0RNE 0 points1 point ago

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no whiskey?

[–]pricemz 0 points1 point ago

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no toast. more eggs

[–]Sean62291 0 points1 point ago

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..only one egg?

[–]name_witheld 0 points1 point ago

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Why is the gun set down left handed on the right side of the plate?

[–]3oclockinthemorning 0 points1 point ago

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More like Ron Burgundy.

[–]making_sammiches 0 points1 point ago

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I have no idea who Ron Swanson is and my google is broken again.

Is the gun for iron supplements?

[–]SeniorWhoopy 0 points1 point ago

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WIN!!!!! my new reddit rule, +5 bacon strips, upvote

[–]aryary 0 points1 point ago

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I don't know who the hell Ron Swanson is, but that bacon alone deserves an upvote.

[–]vgman20 0 points1 point ago

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Now that...that's a breakfast of champions.

[–]Jtsunami 0 points1 point ago

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who?

[–]VectorBoy 0 points1 point ago

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Looks more like epic meal time :)

15 big macs with extra big mac SAUWCE

[–]Atlanticlantern 0 points1 point ago

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I want that gun mug.

[–]pwnxcore 0 points1 point ago

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The coffee needs to be black.

[–]chafeman 0 points1 point ago

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No way that he eats that gun.

[–]juanmasobrado 0 points1 point ago

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BACON STRIPS!

[–]SonsOfLiberty86 0 points1 point ago

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There's only 2 eggs on that plate.

I'm afraid what you heard was, "Give me a lot of eggs".

What I really said was, "I want all the eggs you have".

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Butter is awful for you.

[–]Ana_Thema 0 points1 point ago

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He eats lead for dessert

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Looks more like a breakfast for Ron Swanson's sister.

[–]Kelliente 0 points1 point ago

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Excuse me, is that CREAM in your coffee?

[–]Chester_Copperpot_ 0 points1 point ago

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more eggs.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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pretty sure he doesnt use creme, powder puff

[–]Liquidator47 0 points1 point ago

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Breakfast and a SIG sauer? Tell me that mug's full of Jim Beam and there is NOTHING better.

[–]Stregano 0 points1 point ago

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bacon strips and bacon strips and bacon strips...

[–]KammanderKhan 0 points1 point ago

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Does he eat the gun?

[–]Brendancs0 0 points1 point ago

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this is whats best about america right here

[–]GetPhreaky 0 points1 point ago

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&baconstrips&baconstrips&baconstrips&baconstrips

[–]snarkierthanyou 0 points1 point ago

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Good God Almighty but that's some pretty looking piggie strips. (probably missed the joke as I have no clue who Ron Swanson is but I clicked on the link because it said "breakfast")

[–]izbsleepy1989 0 points1 point ago

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When I wake up I like a pound of Bacon start off my days with my arteries shakeing!!!!!