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all 136 comments

[–]Unfriendly_Giraffe 170 points171 points ago

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THIS is why Greedo shooting first was a huge mistake. Han is a pirate, he's a scoundrel, he's a scruffy nerf herder. Lucas pussied him up.

[–]taicrunch 22 points23 points ago

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Who's scruffy-looking?

[–]Unfriendly_Giraffe 35 points36 points ago

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[–]TheWatersBurning 12 points13 points ago

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For once I was actually expecting 2 llamas...

[–]matrael 6 points7 points ago

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I was expecting a giraffe with an angry expression on its face.

[–]MarkG777 41 points42 points ago

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Lucas should have his movie making rights suspended for his latest bastardy of SW

[–]grands0nz0rz 26 points27 points ago

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i'm not a violent person but i'd punch that old man in the face for what he has done.

[–]SpaceCow4 8 points9 points ago

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[–]jedireign 2 points3 points ago

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I was expecting Buzz Aldrin punching Douchebag Kid in the face.

I was not disappointed.

[–]IMongoose 2 points3 points ago

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If you enjoyed that bashing, here is the extended cut.

[–]SpaceCow4 0 points1 point ago

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Haha… I've seen it. But for those of you who haven't… do!

[–]ChiefGrizzly 2 points3 points ago

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And I'm done for the day. Thanks again reddit!

[–]maderschramm 8 points9 points ago

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Greedo didn't shoot first, if I remember right Han did. He blew that sucker away, and you can totally see the really funny looking doll they exploded if you freeze the frame right before it explodes.

NOTE: I haven't watched Star Wars since it was released on VHS years ago. I haven't even seen Episode 2 or 3 because, thankfully, George Lucas died before he ever released those films.

[–]Unfriendly_Giraffe 22 points23 points ago

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Oh dude, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but... you've missed a lot of misfortune at the hands of Jorge.

When the trilogy was re-released in the late 90s and he added scenes, and cleaned up some stuff, he also changed existing things. One thing he changed was the cantina scene where Han shoots Greedo. Now Greedo shoots at Han, misses, and Han shoots Greedo. It's like he didn't want Han to be so cold-blooded, but he's a criminal. That's why people liked him, that's why he worked so well.

Now, with the blu-ray release, he's changing MORE stuff. Vader now yells NOOOO when throwing the Emperor over the railing. It's terrible, and ridiculous. There's a huge list of changes, that's just the most egregious.

[–]maderschramm 5 points6 points ago

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Guess I'll just have to go buy a vhs player

[–]Unfriendly_Giraffe 9 points10 points ago*

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I myself was trying to download the "de-specialized special editions" online. Basically some guy left some of the cleaned up, HD looking stuff but removed the garbage. Looks impressive, but they're several gigs and my bandwidth wasn't being kind to me.

Edit: In case people are interested: DeSpecialized Special Edition Star Wars

[–]White_Hamster 1 point2 points ago

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You missed a phenomenal opportunity here ...

[–]Unfriendly_Giraffe 1 point2 points ago

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Please, take it.

[–]dohaeris 1 point2 points ago

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[–]MaoThatHurt 0 points1 point ago

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According to one of the sample videos he posted, the new versions have Luke's lightsaber colored green in Episode 4. Can someone confirm this? Has the revisionism reached that level of stupidity?

[–]jedireign 0 points1 point ago

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It is for the original SW cassettes that I still own a VCR.

[–]jedireign 1 point2 points ago

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[–]namenottaken 0 points1 point ago

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I just loaded up the copy I have on my computer. It looks like I had the copy where he tried smoothing over the shit he did: they both shoot at almost the same time. What pissed me off is a) They still have what's his face in the final scene and b) Jabba is now completely cgi.

[–]lewistheplayer 0 points1 point ago

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I wouldn't say Hans is a criminal, he is more like a George Washington, and everyone else is British children. relevant

[–]fall0ut 0 points1 point ago

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the new sound Obi-Wan makes when scaring the sand people away from luke is hilarious!

[–]ehsteve23 3 points4 points ago

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Throughout that entire scene, we see Han going for his gun, he was going to shoot Greedo wether Greedo shot first or not. It changed nothing to Han's character, by making Greedo shoot first and miss, all Lucas did was make it clear the Greedo was an incompetent fool, and Jabba was a moron for hiring him.

[–]Unfriendly_Giraffe 2 points3 points ago

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I like this idea, but you could also argue he was preparing for the worst...

[–]Helmet_Icicle 1 point2 points ago

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It says quite a lot, actually. By shooting second, he's portrayed as the "weaker" individual in the confrontation. That's quite psychological.

And yes, I'm hysterical at parties.

[–]lewistheplayer 1 point2 points ago

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HEY!!! You cant use THAT word!! Only we can use that word!! BIGGIT! RACIST! I'm proud to be a Nerf Herder! Paice of shit....

[–]OmnipotentEntity 5 points6 points ago

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oh? Is it "nerf herder" I feel like the worst nerd ever now, because I always thought it was "nerve hurter."

[–]Unfriendly_Giraffe 8 points9 points ago

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[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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TIL! I always thought Nerf Herder was just a bands name.

[–]heyzeus76 114 points115 points ago

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Could you imagine if it was just Lando pulling a prank on Han?

"Hey, let's get someone to dress up like Vader and scare my old buddy Han, it'll be a hoot."

[–]histumness 93 points94 points ago

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Then they get Bill Murrayed... so sad.

[–]Liquidator47 7 points8 points ago

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Smooth reference!

[–]cremmler 3 points4 points ago

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as performed by Michael Jackson

[–]ErroneousEric 7 points8 points ago

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[–]Agehn 2 points3 points ago

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For some reason I was hoping that was this but it wasn't so here it is.

[–]welllllllok -1 points0 points ago

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I don't know why but this has been the only thing so far today that has made me produce actual laughter, Thank you. Have an upvote.

[–]DankDarko -1 points0 points ago

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OMG Sooooo Sad of a scene...

[–]carn1x 48 points49 points ago

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Yeah gotta give it to Han, that dude was just programmed to be awesome.

[–]feureau 6 points7 points ago

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So, this kinda conflicts with George's Guido shot first and favors the fan's Han shot first theory... I wonder if they're going to ruin this further in the blu-ray version....

[–]rougegoat 14 points15 points ago

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Greedo, not Guido. Unless Greedo was a guido...

[–]feureau 5 points6 points ago

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*Goddamn prequel ruined my brain... :(

[–]DankDarko 3 points4 points ago

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you mean the paint chip you ate as a child

[–]Liquidator47 3 points4 points ago

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Probably. They'll have him draw his blaster, which has been changed to become a walkie talkie, and start crying like a little girl.

[–]isaaciaggard 22 points23 points ago

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I made my wife give her wedding vows first just so I could follow it up with an "I know."

Tl;dr: I wish this happened.

[–]BRN83 4 points5 points ago

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Hm...I still have a chance to make that happen...

[–]T-mark3V100 77 points78 points ago

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[–]lukeag10 47 points48 points ago

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Whoa whoa whoa. You had a response to the picture, so you posted it in the comments instead of making a "Be Like Han"[FIXED] post? You can DO that on reddit?!

[–]T-mark3V100 15 points16 points ago

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TIL

[–]keddren 14 points15 points ago

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He is altering the reddit. Pray he does not alter it further.

Unless it ends up with less shitty posts. Then let him have at it.

[–]morpheousmarty 2 points3 points ago

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Than you for bringing this to our attention. The reddit police has been called and a temporary "[FIXED]" post has been posted to correct this mistake.

[–]Bromleyisms 1 point2 points ago

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Seriously, I upvoted with all my accounts just for that reason. Kudos to the man for keeping it within context

[–]BarrelAss 1 point2 points ago

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"I know"

[–]tripp45 17 points18 points ago

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at least he didnt yell "freeze!"

[–][deleted] 26 points27 points ago

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just wait for the blu-ray release man

[–]Spleen_Muncher 8 points9 points ago

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I may destroy everything around me.

[–]thisissam 3 points4 points ago

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He actually does say "freeze" in the new release.

Then Darth Vader says, "You first!" and it cuts straight to Han frozen in carbonite.

[–]trollagorn 0 points1 point ago

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oh god i'm crying

[–]thisissam 1 point2 points ago

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You know what? Thank you. I really thought I deserved more credit for that comment.

[–]craneomotor 15 points16 points ago

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And he still got to eat dinner, too.

[–]Quantum_Finger 27 points28 points ago

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How come Han can shoot at Vader first but not Greedo?

[–]theresaviking 55 points56 points ago

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Space racism.

[–]DanWallace 19 points20 points ago

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Spacism?

[–]theresaviking 17 points18 points ago

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Once you go into a black hole, you don't go back.

[–]blueasclepius 7 points8 points ago

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Hm...

"Once the hole goes black, you don't come back."

[–]theresaviking 4 points5 points ago

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"Unless you are certain types of radiaton..."

[–]blueasclepius 4 points5 points ago

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Caption: Scientists never got the hang of catchphrases.

[–]Maniacal 2 points3 points ago

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This reads like an SMBC comic.

[–]blueasclepius 1 point2 points ago

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This is EXACTLY my intention! Thank you! I'm a huge fan of the Weiner.

Zach Weiner, that is. Oh shit.

[–]RAPTORJesus666 1 point2 points ago

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Did you say black whore!?

[–]Kerblaaahhh 1 point2 points ago

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What about that time in the expanded universe when Han went into a black hole and came back out alive?

[–]theresaviking 1 point2 points ago

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I have no idea but i'll give your username the benefit of the doubt.

[–]theresaviking 1 point2 points ago

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I have no idea but i'll give your username the benefit of the doubt.

[–]ChiefGrizzly 2 points3 points ago

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"That's right my friends, affirmative action strikes again."

[–]CountNoAccount 12 points13 points ago

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That's my second favorite scene in the original trilogy. There's something like nine camera cuts between Han and Vader in maybe two seconds after that door opens.

[–]trekkie1701c 11 points12 points ago

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I made this my mantra in Fallout: New Vegas. Worked great until I got to the Repconn testing facility, when I went to clear out the nightkin. Go to the first one, shoot him with a laser, etc etc.

I got beaten to a pulp :(

Turns out I was supposed to get closer to the guy I shot at so he'd give me a mission :(

[–]sgt_shizzles 1 point2 points ago

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If you kill Davis can you take his bumper sword?

[–]trekkie1701c 7 points8 points ago

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I have no idea, I'd usually get ganged up on :(

Finally had the bright idea of going after him with a flamethrower at close range so that I'd kill him before he could get help (and basically just kill them one at a time) and THAT's when I found out what I was supposed to do. :(

APPARENTLY I PAID $20 TO GET A GAME WHERE YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO TALK TO PEOPLE AND NOT JUST BE THE FIRST PERSON TO SHOOT AT THEM D:

[–]Rahvel 0 points1 point ago

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Yes, but it's not a unique weapon or anything. I had to kill him, because I had killed some nightkin within sight of him, and saved afterwards. He was neutral until I tried to talk to him again, so I never knew.

[–]YouMad 0 points1 point ago

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I did the quest for him, and as I was leaving I killed him and took his sword, sold it for 1k caps.

[–]FCBSERIS 6 points7 points ago

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And then he gets tortured.

[–]bdogm 4 points5 points ago

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[–]Always_Upvotes_Cats 6 points7 points ago

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Tell that to the cast of Doctor Who.

[–]nejikaze 5 points6 points ago

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Namely every single villain.

[–]Always_Upvotes_Cats 3 points4 points ago

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GASP [excruciatingly long pause] GET HIM! (pointing)

[–]Umaro2k 3 points4 points ago

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[–]shniken 21 points22 points ago

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Quotesporn? For fucks sake this has gone too far.

[–]JimothyBilliam 5 points6 points ago

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I gotta agree with you- the worst name being "animalporn"

[–]Slashur_8 2 points3 points ago

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What's quotesporn?

[–]xwonka 2 points3 points ago

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It kind of fleshes out the market for people who want to read while they jerk off.

[–]Slashur_8 1 point2 points ago

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Ooh cool. So..... Is there LOTR porn? I want to read and masturbate.

[–]xwonka 1 point2 points ago

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Well grab yourself a book and light the J-O candle. It's as simple as reading and wacking at the same time. A whole new world of self-pleasure has been opened to you.

[–]greentrees54 2 points3 points ago

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when you have to shoot, shoot, don't talk.

[–]Slashur_8 2 points3 points ago

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Thank lilpwny, he made this.

[–]BRN83 2 points3 points ago

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This was always one of my favorite scenes as a kid. I couldn't really put it to words back then, didn't have the cognitive power to explain it, but this is why. No quippy one-liner, no hesitation, no confusion. Han is by no means an ethical character, but he knows what you do when you find yourself face to face with someone like Vader: you do your best to kill that fucker without a word.

[–]thejumbo 4 points5 points ago

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You hit it on the head. Han is the quintessential MAN OF ACTION - he is the perfect person to have on your side when the shit is hitting the fan.

I love Chewie's roar, and I love the change of tone in that scene.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/show/352737

"Something Vimes had learned as a young guard drifted up from memory. If you have to look along the shaft of an arrow from the wrong end, if a man has you entirely at his mercy, then hope like hell that man is an evil man. Because the evil like power, power over people, and they want to see you in fear. They want you to know you're going to die. So they'll talk. They'll gloat.

They'll watch you squirm. They'll put off the moment of murder like another man will put off a good cigar.

So hope like hell your captor is an evil man. A good man will kill you with hardly a word."

  • Terry Pratchett (Men at Arms)

[–]monkeyfudge 3 points4 points ago

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“Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.” A hokey religion totally owned his blaster right there though.

[–]AwesomeKickass 1 point2 points ago

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Vader's robot hand probably doesn't give a fuck. He may or may not have had pain sensors online in it. See Luke in Return of the Jedi get his robot hand blasted escaping the sarlaac.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Wyvryn 4 points5 points ago

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I'm pretty sure they did that every five minutes in the prequels, but as for the original trilogy, I can't remember.

[–]RAPTORJesus666 0 points1 point ago

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Luke deflects several shots in VI.

[–]mattstreet 0 points1 point ago

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With a light saber I think, not with his hands.

[–]RAPTORJesus666 1 point2 points ago

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He stops one with his robot hand lol.

[–]FCalleja 2 points3 points ago

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Well by that point the only Force users in the Galaxy were Vader and Luke, Ben had been ghosted and Yoda was a hermit. Han had not seen the hokey religion kicking ass.

[–]zaxupexolap 1 point2 points ago

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I can't, I am from Europe, I am not allowed to own a gun

[–]lazypilgrim 1 point2 points ago

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Ah, dinner with your GF's parents. Sooner or later shots will be fired.

[–]Darth_Hobbes 1 point2 points ago

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Mal learned everything he knew from Han.

[–]IDontWantAPickle 5 points6 points ago

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Jesus, you didn't even wait more than a day to repost.

http://www.reddit.com/r/GetMotivated/comments/k8f76/be_like_han/

[–]guinessbeer 0 points1 point ago

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and they will never know T.T

[–]Slashur_8 0 points1 point ago

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Ahem. That's not even the original post.

[–]Mylilpwny 0 points1 point ago

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It's not my fault.

[–]hoodoomonster 1 point2 points ago

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Han shot first, asked questions later

[–]coronaride 0 points1 point ago

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Is it just me or do the "cups" on the table appear to be old-school cans of soup with the labels removed?

[–]RoamingRunner 0 points1 point ago

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Squeeze first ask questions last, that's how most of these so called gangstas last!

[–]gomexz 0 points1 point ago

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Lets not forget when the group of stormtroopers showed up he rushed them and chased them down the hall.

[–]whitenoise89 0 points1 point ago

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Oh god. I laughed so hard.

[–]starkkuw 0 points1 point ago

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I fucking love this.

[–]popscythe 0 points1 point ago

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Yeah!

[–]stultoviro 0 points1 point ago

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Han feels terrible about losing his blaster (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dWXi5LKHIz8)

[–]make_xxxx 0 points1 point ago

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straight up beast

[–]Alphabet85 0 points1 point ago

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Vader is such a cockblock.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

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1. Thank you for this. This is awesome.

2. Thank you for turning me onto /r/quotesporn.

[–]Darkmangge -1 points0 points ago

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Congrats, /r/quotesporn just got another subscriber. This made my day.

[–]Slashur_8 -1 points0 points ago

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Yeahhh!

[–]scottb84 -1 points0 points ago

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This is horrible advice.

[–]chasemedown -2 points-1 points ago

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TIL r/quotesporn exists.

[–]lapin0u -3 points-2 points ago

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thank you for making me discover quotesporn !

[–]fjaradvax -2 points-1 points ago

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Did shooting at Vader actually serve any useful purpose at all?