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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]PompeiiGraffiti[S] 259 points260 points ago

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I think that Abdujabar is correct. Zoos would be much more exciting if they made Lions swim with the sharks and dolphins.

[–]cafezinho 26 points27 points ago

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I seem to recall a Simpsons episode about this (jumping over a tankful of sea animals with lions added). Wonder if the kid saw that episode.

[–]someguy945 30 points31 points ago

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2nd season: Bart the Daredevil

The clip is Lance Murdock's Suicycle during a monster truck rally early on in the episode. Lance jumps over a tank that is filled with all sorts of dangers, including a lion for some reason.

If you try to Google this, Hulu claims to have a video clip and then when you play it it says "expired". Scumbag Hulu.

[–][deleted] 31 points32 points ago

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Simpsons have done EVERYTHING

[–]martinbull 834 points835 points ago

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magnets. EVERYWHERE!

[–]DonaldMcRonald 296 points297 points ago

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How would this work?

[–]annoyinglyclever 166 points167 points ago

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He's clearly a young Magneto plotting his take-over.

[–]DeSaad 101 points102 points ago

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his name betrays him.

[–]IllegalD 25 points26 points ago

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Nuh, our uncannily common knowledge of his future betrays him.

[–]Bloody_carrot 8 points9 points ago

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His future doesn't have be of an evil nature. He may become one of us. Right here on this site. We just witnessed the beginning.

[–]Xeeker 9 points10 points ago

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mother of god

[–]I_fail_at_memes 3 points4 points ago

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Since Magneto works with metals, wouldn't a better plot be to call for an increase in state-wide infrastructure improvements and accessibility so that he would have access to his weapon of choice wherever he may roam? Since this would also make him a job-creator, he would probably enjoy a fair amount of support from the people, and could probably rule as a kind king.

[–]Yserbius 2 points3 points ago

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NO!

MAGNETS EVERYWHERE!

[–]pyvlad 430 points431 points ago

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How wouldn't this work?

[–]Asakari 116 points117 points ago

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And I don't wanna talk to a politician. Y'all motherfuckers lying, and getting me pissed.

[–]KarateSquid 61 points62 points ago

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Magic everywhere in this bitch.

[–]Physics101 51 points52 points ago

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Magnets come from the ground, and the ground is full of gravity. When the magnets are pulled out of the ground, some of them still have gravity inside them, thus, magic.

Trust me, I'm a physicist.

[–]Neurorob12 2 points3 points ago

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I don't wanna talk to a scientist with the lies... it's what one of the clowns in the video said.

[–]ontology 36 points37 points ago

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Miracles.

[–]bizfamo 42 points43 points ago

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fucking magnets, how do they work?

[–]atucker88 40 points41 points ago

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WAIT... that's the real icp? i always thought that video was making fun of icp...

[–]bizfamo 76 points77 points ago

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nope, they are just that retarded.

[–]ZaphodAK42 10 points11 points ago

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Specifically with that 'how do magnets work' quote, do we really know? I mean, what gives an electron a negative charge, or a proton a positive charg? Surely it's not just innate... right? I know this isn't what ICP was talking about, but I still wonder.

[–]iamjakeparty 13 points14 points ago

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[–]dariengs 17 points18 points ago

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That explanation basically says "magnets work by things causing magnetism".

[–]AkzidenzGrotesk 8 points9 points ago

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And I am a strange loop. Systems are self-referential, just like saying "Reddit comments work by people commenting on reddit." It is a question of how much explanation you need and what you are willing to accept as a given. Here, how about you ask a nobel laureate?

[–]ZaphodAK42 2 points3 points ago

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That interviewer, I wish to smack his face with a fish for asking his questions that way. If I had that chance...

Anyways, the reason I wonder is because in my Chem class this semester, the professor said that we don't know why electrical forces work except for that they do, like Feynman said... and I do wish to go deeper, should someone find the answer.

[–]Tech_Itch 2 points3 points ago

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Based on quick googling, that album seems too awesome to actually exist. I think it'd be safe to say that the SCP would go into much more detail in the lyrics of that particular song.

[–]Ryuuulolz 5 points6 points ago

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Icp don't need no fucking scientists to make fun of them.

[–]CrunchBang 9 points10 points ago

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no, cause everyone else does.

[–]jtwizzy 10 points11 points ago

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Holy fuck!

I never listened to ICP before, they are fucking terrible. Who can possible like that ?

[–]extermin8tor_2nd 8 points9 points ago

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Fucking Miracles

[–]RandomEtymology 56 points57 points ago*

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I see words all around me
Stop and look around, language is astounding
Adjectives, verbs, adverbs and quirk
Fuckin' magnets, how does that word work?
And I don't wanna talk to no linguist
Y'all motherfuckers reconstructing and getting me pissed

In the Greek region of Magnesia there was some altogether
Bad muthafuckin' Juggalos gathered together
And they found some weird rocks that stuck to stuff
They named it magnets, this ain't no bluff

And I love my mom for giving me my words
Takin nothing for granted, with all you nerds
I've seen buttorfleoge turn to butterfly
Etymology ain't nothing to lie

(Are you a believer in linguistics?)
Etymology everywhere in this bitch
(Do you notice and recognize word origins?)
it's all around you, you don't even know it
(Magnesia, part of Thessaly, bitches)
Shit's crazy

[–]littlelion2k 6 points7 points ago

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I love you.

[–]teachmesomething 39 points40 points ago

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Magnets. Always with the magnets.

[–]myster0n 6 points7 points ago

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upvote for Simpsons reference.

[–]cortesoft 38 points39 points ago

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They don't call him Magnus the Magnet for nothing.

[–]Witchgrass 35 points36 points ago

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I like to think he was saying MORE MAGNUS with an unfortunate speech impediment

[–]lofi76 2 points3 points ago

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^ Agree. He's a future marketing genius. With a lisp.

[–]Zebra3000 15 points16 points ago

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magnus. EVERYWHERE!

[–]DanTheMan39 10 points11 points ago

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Magnets on all the things!!

[–]kukamunga 227 points228 points ago

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I wish Paula Abdul would marry Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and adopt the third kid, then divorce amicably, leading the kid to use both names.

Abdujabar Abdul-Abdul-Jabbar, get over here this instant!

[–][deleted] 77 points78 points ago

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That name translates to: "Worshipper of Almighty Worshipper of Worshipper of Almighty".

[–]IfThisWasChina 27 points28 points ago

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Yo dawg...

[–]IMasturbateToMyself 13 points14 points ago

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You evil bastard.

[–]lurkinggnome 379 points380 points ago

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They misquoted him. He actually said, "More Magnus".

[–]ISpitInYourEye 10 points11 points ago

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Yo girl, getchu some Magnus

[–]stugster 66 points67 points ago

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More Magners

[–]Smiffy60 75 points76 points ago

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More Magmars

[–][deleted] 41 points42 points ago

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More Magnums

[–]deathbytray 30 points31 points ago

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More Magyars.

[–]SolidSquid 41 points42 points ago

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More Magyver?

[–]felixfelix 22 points23 points ago

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More magma

[–]Tom_Anks 5 points6 points ago

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More Smegma.

[–]Alpha_Q 2 points3 points ago

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This is Magnus!

[–]benduffy 4 points5 points ago

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More Bulmers (for our Ireland counterparts)

[–]ZeekySantos 6 points7 points ago

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All bow down to Magnus, lord of metal!

[–]rdudejr 13 points14 points ago

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Stop! Can't stop laughing. Going to get kicked out the bed by the wife shortly.

[–]runningbeagle 7 points8 points ago

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Can't stop laughing in living room and wife is screaming at me 5:00am

[–]doppio 21 points22 points ago

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Maybe she'd like to sleep

[–]ezekielziggy 18 points19 points ago

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Don't be silly

[–]Harman_M 54 points55 points ago

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[–]Spitfiya86 184 points185 points ago

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That kid in the middle definitely has his priorities straight.

[–]sirbernardbongington 70 points71 points ago

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MAGNETS FUCKING ROCK

[–]grensley 66 points67 points ago

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MAGNUS WANTS MORE MAGNETS IN MELBOURNE

[–]grawsith 34 points35 points ago

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THE PM BETTER GET ON THIS SHIT, WHO ARE WE TO DENY MAGNUS

[–]ecnerwal 10 points11 points ago

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Dude whats your hobby? -Magnets What? -you know just magnets

[–]Gizardmeat 2 points3 points ago

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I like the cut of his jib.

[–]ForgettableUsername 47 points48 points ago

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Magnus likes magnets. This is what super-villains look like when they are children. In a couple of years, he's going to suffer some terrible tragedy and spend the rest of his life taking it out on some poor superhero, using an arsenal of magnet-related weapons and jokes.

[–]KallistiEngel 19 points20 points ago

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Fun fact: Magnus was one of the names used by Magneto.

[–]crod242 8 points9 points ago

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Soon you will see why I'm the best in my field, Mr. Bond. I think my army of polar bears will find you quite attractive.

[–]Phil_J_Fry 2 points3 points ago

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Do you think they hire writers for their jokes or do you think they sit at a desk for hours thinking up clever quips so they seem smarter than the hero?

[–]f03nix 3 points4 points ago

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No, they usually don't .. but some of them do hire freelancers time to time if the hero is being a smart-ass or has himself hired writers.

[–]Phil_J_Fry 4 points5 points ago

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Ah, of course - the ever-deadly puns race

[–]ImNotJesus 404 points405 points ago

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As a Melbournian I'd like to agree that more magnets are necessary. However, we don't need more barbies. That'll only make us more like Sydney.

[–]ProfessorSomething 34 points35 points ago

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As a Brisbane resident... May I ask you what the stereotype for Brisbane is? Something all the other states use to make fun of us?

Just curious.

[–]bamburger 147 points148 points ago

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We don't really make fun of Brisbane, we don't think about you much at all to be honest.

[–]bmwe46323ci 52 points53 points ago

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I do. Give one of my mates crap all the time for drinking Bundy and calling a backpack a 'port'. You can also give them crap for all being rednecks like Bob Katter.

Stereotypes by state... ACT... decriminalised weed, legal firworks, boring city, full of douchebag politicians. NSW... think they're the shit just coz they have the harbour, they're all gay too I hear. QLD... Bundy drinking rednecks, hardcore jellyfish and snakes. NT... Drunk/chromed out Aborigines, huge croc's WA... Bogan miners who just want to fight when they get back to civilisation. SA... Great-fucking-white sharks VIC... huge inferiority complex for Sydney TAS... hate gay people

[–]jabbid111 16 points17 points ago

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Tas.... Imbred.

[–][deleted] 38 points39 points ago

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... You're bread? You wheat bastard

[–]ours 11 points12 points ago

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Everytime I read New South Wales' abbreviation on Reddit, my brain tries to process it as "Not Safe [for] Work". I just can't stop it.

[–]charcol_1900 30 points31 points ago

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First time I saw nsfw I thought it stood for "New South 'Fucking' Wales"

[–]ours 3 points4 points ago

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That's like 40 times more awesome than plain old Wales.

[–]pigferret 8 points9 points ago

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Ex-pat sangroper here.

Confirming WA's fighting bogan miners status.

[–]AbSeb 6 points7 points ago

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WA's strippers are very grateful for the cashed up mining bogans

[–]OmegasWrath 6 points7 points ago

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I'm from queensland, live next to katters electorate and drink bundy... aww...

[–]ProfessorSomething 4 points5 points ago

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Looks over at Bundy flag pinned to the wall.

Shit!

[–]DarKnightofCydonia 2 points3 points ago

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Apparently Bob Katter's party is set to control the balance of power in Queensland.. If this actually happens, and I'm going to be blunt here, your state will be fucked.

[–]ImNotJesus 11 points12 points ago

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Or we call you Brisvegas because it's so damn tacky there.

[–]qazadex 17 points18 points ago

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Lots of bogans. Queensland in general is pretty much seen as full of bogans.

[–][deleted] 21 points22 points ago

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Lots of knifey-spoonies.

[–]enigma2g 15 points16 points ago

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We pretty much assume your either Fat bogans who drink XXXX or young bronze surfer types. I must admit though every state is jealous of your women.

[–]michaelrohansmith 8 points9 points ago

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People with names like Sidonie.

(yeah I know, too soon, but its just the first example which came to mind. I don't mean psychopaths. We have more than our share in Melbourne)

And for what its worth I would improve Melbourne by freezing urban sprawl and building TGV trains to Geelong, Ballarat, Bendigo, etc.

[–]kirbysuperstar 4 points5 points ago

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You drink that shitty XXXX stuff.

[–]akore 158 points159 points ago

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Oi.

[–]NeoSolid 21 points22 points ago

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He meant Melbourne Florida. The land of the manetees and crazy middle class housing gangstas. Robing the elderly of one sidewalk crossing at a time.

[–]crashnburn753 38 points39 points ago

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if we don't robe the elderly, who will!?

[–]lop987 20 points21 points ago

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Time.

[–]Himmelreich 2 points3 points ago

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Hiyooooo

FTFY

[–]Meegie 1 point2 points ago

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I'm so butthurt right now.

[–]rekgreen 4 points5 points ago

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Brisbane is the most nepotistic city I have lived in...jobs for friends and all that...and I have lived in almost all cities in Australia. I love Brisbane but will never live there again because of that.

[–]ScaperBen 10 points11 points ago

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i second that

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points ago

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BUT WHAT WILL YOU THROW YOUR SHRIMP ONTO???

[–]MrThrope 29 points30 points ago

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They're called prawns.

[–]SXECrow 86 points87 points ago

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i wonder if the kid in the middle's favorite food is milk-steak.

[–]Millendra 44 points45 points ago

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So Charlie, what do you do?

I'm a... Full... on... rapist?

[–]Variability 23 points24 points ago

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You know, Africans, dyslexics, children, that sort of thing.

[–]MeinKraftt 2 points3 points ago

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There was this guy in the bathroom, he wouldn't give me his shirt, I was like dude, give me your shirt, it was a whole thing

[–]NeonXero 30 points31 points ago

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And a side of your finest jelly beans... raw.

[–]gneumatic 5 points6 points ago

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Have an upvote. Also, just sayin' - cover your knees up if you're gonna be walking around everywhere.

[–]uncle_solf 3 points4 points ago

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little green ghoul buddies!

[–]DirtyThirty 31 points32 points ago

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Fuck magnets, what about Abdujabar blowing my mind with Lion vs. Shark battles? The King of the Jungle is about to duke it out with the Lord of the Ocean and you're blabbing on about polarity? Shame on you, Reddit.

[–]lacylola 2 points3 points ago

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“Ok, first off, a lion…swimming in the ocean? Lions don’t even like water. If you placed it near a river, or some sort of fresh water source, that’d make sense. But you find yourself in the ocean, a 20 ft wave, I’m assuming its off the coast of South Africa, coming up against a full, grown, 800 lb tuna with his 20 or 30 friends. You lose that battle. you lose that battle nine times out of ten. And guess what, you wandered into our school, of tuna and we now have a taste of blood! We’ve talked, to ourselves. We’ve communicated and said, ‘you know what? lion tastes good. Lets go get some more lion.’ We’ve developed a system, to establish a beachhead and aggressively hunt you and your family. And we will corner your, your pride, your children, your offspring…”

I love that fucking movie.

[–]fry_hole 22 points23 points ago

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Nice try, Magnus the magnet seller.

[–]alchemeron 16 points17 points ago

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Dennis: Okay, alright what’s your favorite hobby?

Charlie: Uhh… magnets.

Dennis: Wha-like making magnets, collecting magnets?

Mac: Playing with magnets?

Charlie: Just magnets.

Dennis: I’m just gonna put snowboarding. We’ll just put snowboarding.

Charlie: I don’t really snowboard.

[–]grawsith 74 points75 points ago

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guys

hey guys

guys

what if

what if

what if we got MAGNETS

and like

totally

put them all over the fucking city

like every

like everywhere

guys?

[–]jzbar 26 points27 points ago

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More magnets for Melbourne is a fairly attractive proposition. I also believe it will repel the negative element we don't like around here.

[–]Potatoez 8 points9 points ago

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But on the other pole, it can also attract it.

[–]karma_dumpster 26 points27 points ago

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point that towards Sydney

[–]w000t 28 points29 points ago

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I'm sorry, but Magnus' transparent lobbying efforts on behalf of rare earth mining companies need to be balanced with a four-year-old advocating environmental impact studies. Considering that Australia has a moderate 5% resource estimate of the world's rare earth reserves, I propose a study group of preschoolers to carefully license the mining and excavation of rare earth materials. Magnus' laissez-faire approach is just overly simplistic and pollyannaish.

[–]jamar0303 4 points5 points ago

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Sometimes I wonder what would happen if we let preschoolers run everything for, say, an election cycle.

[–]Michealtbh 9 points10 points ago

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And so the Magnets for Melbourne campaign was born

[–]CUDDLE_WITH_KITTENS 8 points9 points ago

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YOU get a magnet. and YOU get a magnet. and YOU get a magnet!

[–]omgimonfire 19 points20 points ago

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Fuckin' Melbourne.

[–]jb2386 25 points26 points ago

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How does it work?

[–]Phil_J_Fry 6 points7 points ago

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Apparently not enough like magnets.

[–]Jext 7 points8 points ago

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My name is also Magnus, and i approve of this message.

[–]Dangger 62 points63 points ago

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The things we do to girls. They have the most pathetic dreams...

[–]Girela_Sevenster 4 points5 points ago

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I think she just interpreted the question differently. The boys understood it as we would (how could Melbourne be better?) but the girl understood it as "what could YOU do to make Melbourne better?"

[–]Richeh 37 points38 points ago

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That's a bit of a misogynistic viewpoint. You're implying that girls are moulded passively into whatever their patriarchal society deems fit - they have no inherent qualities or personality.

A more feminist view is that girls are just rubbish.

[–]UnnamedPlayer 19 points20 points ago

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I need to hire you as my lawyer.

[–]Darrian 13 points14 points ago

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That's a bit of a stretch. Her's doesn't seem that much below "more magnets" to me.

But anything to turn something cute into something serious I guess.

[–]farceur318 4 points5 points ago

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Right, because "More magnets" is a lofty and scholarly ambition.

[–]SARsquatch 6 points7 points ago

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If that were me x years ago it would have been something about a maze-like adventure playground (but infinitely larger) like you used to see in McDonalds but MORE SLIDES! I'm not sure if this disproves or reaffirms your statement, the shame.

[–]Dangger 14 points15 points ago

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I'm sure they interviewed more than one girl and picked the one that they liked, which is also problematic. It's like a self fulfilling prophecy, I'm sure girls out there have incredible dreams and aspirations but retarded journalism likes to perpetuate stereotypes.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

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journalism likes to perpetuate stereotypes.

I would say society as a whole also doesn't help.

[–]justgus 3 points4 points ago

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are you saying dreams of magnets are much better?

[–]knotty66 7 points8 points ago

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Yes.

[–]RonMexico2012 4 points5 points ago

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magnets and sharks >>>>>> barbies.

[–]Tier4 4 points5 points ago

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Welcome to Reddit's new joke of the week. Knights of New, prepare for battle.

[–]Thricey 3 points4 points ago

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[–]Noel_S_Jytemotiv 3 points4 points ago

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Allow biker gangs and police interceptors to wage war there.

[–]ZombiieShotgun 4 points5 points ago

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Its so nice to see the next generation of reddit growing up.

[–]haiku_robot 5 points6 points ago

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Its so nice to see 
the next generation of 
reddit growing up.

[–]WalrusKaput 2 points3 points ago

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Excellent gimmick account

[–]Calibrations 5 points6 points ago

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More magnets = More miracles

[–]dave256hali 10 points11 points ago

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I gave that city a magnet...cities love magnets...

[–]JanoMano 4 points5 points ago

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Swim with sharks they said...

[–]WhiskeyAndGreenTea 3 points4 points ago

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Yeah fuck juggalos!

[–]unclever 2 points3 points ago

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When I was little, I was in the running to play the role of President in some White House thing we were doing at school. When asked, "If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?" I said I would make my teeth less sensitive. Fucking idiot.

[–]Phoenix2700 3 points4 points ago

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New LoL champion: Magnus, The Magnet King.

[–]emiteal 2 points3 points ago

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Actually, I believe his title is "Magnus the Magnet Magnate."

[–]swervebank 3 points4 points ago

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I think Magnus was misquoted. He was actually saying MORE MAGNUS

[–]xenu99 8 points9 points ago

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nuke it.

Ava Gardner described Melbourne as "the perfect place to make a film about the end of the world."

[–]lobstertoes 13 points14 points ago

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These kids are brilliant, I vote they take over congress.

[–]FuzzyLogick 5 points6 points ago

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Promote that child.

[–]jb2386 12 points13 points ago

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Already underway, they'll be promoted to teenager status in 9 years.

[–]gvenez 3 points4 points ago

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You guys call that a promotion?

[–]aMANescape 2 points3 points ago

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He stole my Back To The Future flying skateboard idea!

[–]Im69ingyourmom 2 points3 points ago

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you cant explain that

[–]Valenium 2 points3 points ago

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Shit just got real..

[–]netgod2002 2 points3 points ago

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Magnets..... ALWAYS with the magnets.

[–]Strawcrazyman 2 points3 points ago

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Magnet kid, definitely. I'm a sucker for science.

[–]mrfalconcat 2 points3 points ago

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What paper is this from? Seems like something Mx might do?

[–]PopeUrbanII 2 points3 points ago

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MX

[–]cheapshot 2 points3 points ago

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No need to make it any better? Although, you can never have enough magnets.

[–]massball 2 points3 points ago

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trust Magnus to want more magnets

[–]VA1N 2 points3 points ago

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With a name like Magnus, I feel we have a future super villain on our hands.

[–]DefinitelyHittinOnYa 2 points3 points ago

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[–]Snok 2 points3 points ago

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Magneto: The Early Years

[–]CageMage 5 points6 points ago

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And before anyone asks, Yes, we Australians do have our own toddler monarchy. And they get things done.

[–]tomsaz 5 points6 points ago

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Everyone knows one of Magneto's aliases was Magnus, right?

[–]GavinRC 1 point2 points ago

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This World needs ... MORE MAGNETS !!!

[–]crouchyy 1 point2 points ago

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my reading voice went two octaves lower

[–]therealflinchy 1 point2 points ago

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can tell that kid is pointing due north.

[–]shawster 1 point2 points ago

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I hereby proclaim this the first thing I've truly lol'd about on Reddit for months.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Give that boy a friggin' crown already. Magnetic obviously...

[–]rdudejr 1 point2 points ago

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Magnus, king of the magnets, lord of all electrostatic, hath spoken.

[–]forbesholden 1 point2 points ago

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Evil genius in the making

[–]KickinBack 1 point2 points ago

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Fucking magnets.

[–]Fallen187 1 point2 points ago

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MORE MAGNETS HAHA

[–]xoxotani 1 point2 points ago

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I just want to know who's going to swim with sharks at the zoo..

[–]Chren 1 point2 points ago

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I can't figure out how that wouldnt work.

[–]akbc 1 point2 points ago

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Princess, magneto and beastman. Supervillians junior. Coming to all cinemas near you this fall.

[–]dance_to_the_radio 1 point2 points ago

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Is this from the mX or the Herald Sun? I seems like it would be from the mX but I still wouldn't be suprised if the Herald Sun printed this

[–]clam_chips 1 point2 points ago

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having been to Melbourne I can honestly say it doesn't need any improving. Awesome city.

[–]phatbrasil 2 points3 points ago

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it could use a couple of more magnets.

[–]Chrisss88 1 point2 points ago

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More magnets would make the WORLD a better place.

[–]ilovemodok 1 point2 points ago

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I think he meant "more Magnus", referring to himself in third person. I happen to agree. Melbourne indeed needs more Magnus.

[–]that1fuck 1 point2 points ago

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MAGNUS! it's been a while since my last uncontrolled laugh in class.

[–]Roflmaonao 1 point2 points ago

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I think Magnus is on to something...

[–]richf2001 1 point2 points ago

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He is clearly referring to The proposed High-speed rail installation.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/High-speed_rail_in_Australia#Greater_Melbourne

[–]meow_gusta 1 point2 points ago

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The future of Melbourne isn't too bright.

[–]Peatore 1 point2 points ago

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Lilly's answer kind of makes me sad.

[–]ncocca 1 point2 points ago

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Magnus reminds me of the president of Canada in Southpark: NEED MORE MONEY!

(ya know, except with magnets)

[–]bakuretsu 1 point2 points ago

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MAGNUS WANTS MORE MAGNETS. ARE YOU LISTENING, MELBOURNE?

This message brought to you by Magnets for Magnus 2012.

[–]dacacheman 1 point2 points ago

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A very polarizing comment. yeeeeeeeaaaaaaahhh

[–]eightbitrob 1 point2 points ago

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How did no one say dinosaurs

[–]infinitude 1 point2 points ago

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I am never asking a 4 year old for advice.