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WTF

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top 200 commentsshow all 335

[–]SillyHat 418 points419 points ago

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Quick explanation: When starting a hive, a queen sprays pheromones.
If you can somehow get yourself covered in that shit, the wasps won't sting you. They see you as their leader. (Also, these are male wasps. They say male wasps don't sting.)

tl;dr - spray some wasp pheromones over yourself - acquire real life swarm plasimd

[–]crookedparadigm 181 points182 points ago

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It's not so much that male wasps won't sting, it's that they can't. They don't have stingers.

[–]ThePriceIsRight 154 points155 points ago

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They can bite.

[–]yeropinionman 648 points649 points ago

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They can also make really sarcastic remarks

[–]r00x 141 points142 points ago

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Their cruel words sting more than any stinger could.. um.. sting.

Fuck sake, r00x. Think about what you're going to type before you type it.

[–]Xeeker 76 points77 points ago

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god dammit, r00x. again? again with the typing before the thinking?

[–]r00x 47 points48 points ago

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I'm sorry, alright? I - I'm just excitable, is all. I get half a really witty comment in my head and before I know it, I'm posting some travesty to modern English on the Internet.

[–]llandar 45 points46 points ago

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Next time try posting the witty half.

[–]TheLaughing_Man 12 points13 points ago

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Hey-ooooooo

[–]BodProbe 3 points4 points ago

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[–]Xeeker 11 points12 points ago

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Well alright. If you don't do it again, i guess we can forget that all of this ever happened and move on.

[–]admisaok 2 points3 points ago

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I read this comment like Zoidberg.

[–]manny_plaquiao_dds 34 points35 points ago

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Allow myself to introduce... myself...

[–]Kornephoros 21 points22 points ago

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what's wrong with sake?

[–]evilbob 31 points32 points ago

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r00x fucked it.

[–]r00x 13 points14 points ago

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It burns, man.

[–]butchersblade 1 point2 points ago

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My words would sting if I didn't have a stinger and was stuck waiting on a queen all day!

[–]TheRealBramtyr 7 points8 points ago

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Those are zingers, not stingers.

[–]DefMech 10 points11 points ago

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Wasps are such assholes

[–]yowhatupmayne 1 point2 points ago

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Hey, buddy. You may not be able to sting, but it still stings inside.

[–]this_sort_of_thing 13 points14 points ago

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I got bit by one on the neck, motherfucker, but now after all these years I know why I got bit and not stung.

[–]natophonic 13 points14 points ago

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Don't be so sure... after having a nice turkey sandwich for lunch one day, I watched a yellowjacket land on my hand, attempt to take a couple bites, then sting me. The reason I'd let it sit around on my hand was that I'd previously had yellowjackets land on me, bite, then fly off, so I figured if I didn't bother it, it wouldn't sting me. Apparently, though, the turkey juice made my hand taste good that day.

[–]plainOldFool 11 points12 points ago

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Unrelated but I just told this story to my young niece the other day...

One day when I was at camp (geeze, 25+ years ago) a yellow jacket had managed to crawl into a baloney sandwich I was eating. After taking a bite I began to notice a slight stinging sensation in the top of my mouth... slightly more uncomfortable than a combination of burning the roof of your mouth with a blazing hot pocket and then proceeding to eat a bowl of Captain Crunch.... something like that.

I look down and I see HALF of said yellow jacket in my sandmich.... oh fuck. By the way, did I mention I was supposedly allergic to bee and wasp stings (I'm not any more, so who knows). Yup, cops came and took me to the emergency room (yeah, that doesn't look bad at all) for a nice IM injection of benedryl.

[–]natophonic 6 points7 points ago

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Your pain threshold is impressive. Have you tried chewing on glass?

[–]plainOldFool 5 points6 points ago

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Please note that I was unaware I had be stung. For all I know it might have been some hot ass pizza the night before. So yeah, figuring out that it was a yellow jacket after the fact, I ate that mo'fo like a boss. I consumed it's soul.

Now, had I been aware it was a yellow jacket before I got stung, I'm pretty sure I would have cried and carried on like a school yard bitch.

[–]natophonic 2 points3 points ago

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It's funny how your other senses affect your sense of pain. Last time I was stung, a few months ago, I inadvertently grabbed a paper wasp on the other side of a wooden fence I was fixing. At first I thought I'd jabbed myself with a splinter, but when I pulled my hand back over the fence to pull it out and saw the wasp stinging me, my mind suddenly thought OW OW OW OW OW!

[–]plainOldFool 2 points3 points ago

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Again, to be fair, it didn't really hurt. Yeah, eating a boiling lava hot pocket will hurt like a sumbitch, but it's something most of us just tolerate as a minor nuisance. It didn't hurt because I didn't realize it.

However, being taken by the cops to their squad car to take me to the E.R. in front of all the other campers... fuck, now that was scarring.

[–]dhpye 6 points7 points ago

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Weird. A yellow jacket climbed on my baloney sandwich when I was out camping. It stung me on my tongue. I spat out everything in my mouth, and the thing flew away (to the immense enjoyment of my camping buddies).

For half an hour i was wandering around with my swollen tongue saying "ith naw fuddy! id futtin hers!"

[–]wardmuylaert 8 points9 points ago

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They can siiiiiiiing!

[–]alexpicante 5 points6 points ago

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I was on a hiking trip recently and we passed by this beehive. Our guide says "oh, don't worry; these are stingless bees". Turns out they bite instead. And like to go for the face.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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When I was in Kindergarten, a wasp bit me on my lip. The lunch lady just laughed at me. Cunt.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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Six hundred dollars, Bob!

[–]Nukleon 2 points3 points ago

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They have dicks instead

[–]vwllss 56 points57 points ago

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Different explanation: he put the wasps in a freezer and they were very cold, hence the slow movements. They start wake up quickly thanks to his body heat.

[–]khayber 139 points140 points ago

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Oh come on. You think it is more likely this guy had a freezer just lying around, instead of the much more common spray can of wasp pheromones?
That's just crazy talk.

[–]tokomini 22 points23 points ago

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In this economy, I keep a spray can of wasps pheromones on me at all hours. That and my pocket thesaurus.

[–]EncasedMeats 2 points3 points ago

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That and my pocket thesaurus.

WARNING: Do not look up the word "thesaurus" as doing so may tear a recursive loop in your local spacetime.

[–]MrInopportune 2 points3 points ago

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wat?

[–]EncasedMeats 5 points6 points ago

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I thought reddit loved shitty jokes.

[–]FrankManic 2 points3 points ago

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I thought reddit loved shitty jokes.

[–]dr1fter 16 points17 points ago

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Not sure if slow movements or no RAM to animate a GIF smoothly

[–]vwllss 2 points3 points ago

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There's a link to the video in my above comment.

[–]khayber 1 point2 points ago

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Not sure if missing meme or just really helpful.

[–]mondo_myrmex 2 points3 points ago*

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I like this explanation better than the previous one. Both are good, but this is one is a) readily achievable and b) explains the sluggish, grounded wasps.

Also, I can't be specific with the ID, but these are paper wasps, genus Polistes.

[–]Lonadar 1 point2 points ago

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Well, why don't they bite him then?

[–]GiantSwan 23 points24 points ago

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Nope. Here's the original video source, and the actual explanation is that these are all males who don't have stingers.

This comment from the OP of the video

この群れは全て雄です。自宅2階ベランダの巣ですが、この­年は雄蜂が大量に発生し、とまりきれずに巣の真下にこのようにた­むろしていました。母蜂が姿を消したのかもしれません。

basically says "This swarm is all males. The nest is on my second floor balcony, but this year a lot of drones were born, and they were swarming right under the nest. Perhaps the queen dissapeared."

[–]stewmeat 6 points7 points ago

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That is way more horrifying than the gif.

[–]dirty-squa 7 points8 points ago

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I'm going to acquire these pheromones and make them create a wasp nest around my hand. Anybody fucks with me, they fuck with the wasps.

[–]Mucky38302 4 points5 points ago

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STILL NOPE

[–]Dark_Nurse 2 points3 points ago

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Whether they sting or not, NO THANKS... <shudder>...

[–]Mortimer1736 4 points5 points ago

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You might be confusing bees with wasps, I'm not sure though.

[–]MayoFetish 25 points26 points ago

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BEES?!?

[–]Leadpipe 10 points11 points ago

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BEADS!!

[–]UnrelatedADReference 15 points16 points ago

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OH MY GOD! WE'RE HAVING A FIRE... sale.

[–]AnnanWater 4 points5 points ago

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well, you're my new favorite redditor.

[–]Label0 2 points3 points ago

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BEADS?!?

[–]AndroidHell 2 points3 points ago

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WE'LL SEE WHO BRINGS IN ALL THE HONEY! BZZZZZZZZ

[–]shift3k 6 points7 points ago

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Mortimer1736 isn't on board.

[–]jtr99 1 point2 points ago

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Not the bees! Ah! My eyes!

[–]fdys 1 point2 points ago

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Or just play Zerg.

[–]WhitestKidYouKnow 1 point2 points ago

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THIS! I saw it on Stan Lee's Almost Superhuman (or whatever the show is).. There was a man who covered himself in queen bee pheromones that he isolated and recreated in a lab.

He had bees ALL OVER HIM and didn't get stun once. That's some pretty interesting shit. =]

[–]StickyNiki 1 point2 points ago

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tl;dr? Really?

[–]thekilljoy 1 point2 points ago

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That's a great way to do it.

Another is to use a docile wasp species and just pretend you're a badass. I personally do this with bumblebees, who are crazy docile and easily handled.

The wasp case for this is the pretty common mud dauber. They're not very prone to stinging. and like crookedparadigm mentions, males just can't!

Someone else mentioned yet another method: cold temperatures. works on anything that has poor or little internal thermo control/heat generation; a favorite for us snake handlers when dealing with poor tempered 'hots'.

[–]ltra1n 1 point2 points ago

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How can we acquire the pheromones though?

[–]Zefiro 1 point2 points ago

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Sex with queen bee

[–]Genmaken 159 points160 points ago

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This is why manuals sometimes have those really obvious warnings.

[–]Or0ku_Saki 55 points56 points ago

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Like my screwdriver set that warned: "DO NOT insert these into the tip of your penis." True story.

[–]naked_guy_says 37 points38 points ago

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But then what do you do on Thursdays?

[–]TsunamiMommy 9 points10 points ago

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Save it for sado Saturdays.

[–]Capatown 3 points4 points ago

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Masochistic mondays.

[–]TomTheGeek 11 points12 points ago

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Stirfriday

[–]Toolade 5 points6 points ago

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That IS better..

[–]akuta 8 points9 points ago

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Everyone knows you're supposed to use whale bone anyways.

[–]plainOldFool 3 points4 points ago

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Or how you need to remove a frozen food product from it's packaging before inserting it into an oven?

Yeah, a sheltered ex-girlfriend did this. Almost set her apartment on fire. True story.

Full story: http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jzovg/what_is_one_meal_you_think_everyone_should_know/c2giejm

[–]woo545 13 points14 points ago

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kind of like...don't stick your fingertip in the pan of hot frying oil...like I did last night. I'll just say this: I don't recommend it.

[–]MeticleParticle 41 points42 points ago

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PROTIP: If you properly bread your finger before sticking it in the oil, it won't immediately burn. I used to do this to demonstrate proper breading technique to the noobs at the restaurant I worked at.

[–]NakedOldGuy 49 points50 points ago

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Thanks /b/. I'll go make those crystals from bleach and ammonia now.

[–]RoflStomper 10 points11 points ago

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Remember that if you're getting woozy it means you're putting extra carbon dioxide in there, which makes them pretty. Keep going!

[–]niblot1 232 points233 points ago*

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Did anybody else expect these the person to put these into their mouth at the end?

Edit: Removed the word 'these' - Not sure how that sneaked in there.

[–]JayMayKay 203 points204 points ago

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Nah. I expected to not see a hand reach down and grab a handful of wasps.

[–]el_pinata 23 points24 points ago

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Well, at least you weren't disappointed this morning.

[–]dr1fter 13 points14 points ago

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You said 'morning' so that might explain the reading comprehension issues.

[–]el_pinata 7 points8 points ago

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I'm just gonna go back to being retarded, don't mind me.

[–]TonightsSpecialGuest 2 points3 points ago

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weren't not unexpectedly disappointed ?

[–]ifthisisnttakeniwill 3 points4 points ago

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ಠ_ಠ

[–]TonightsSpecialGuest 1 point2 points ago

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Whilst typing, I had the same reaction. Oh well, sometimes wrong is right, maybe.

[–]ronin1066 5 points6 points ago

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Is there an expert that can assure us these are really wasps? Some other insects mimic them pretty well.

[–]TripperDay 2 points3 points ago

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DINGDINGDING

[–]Deadmeat616 1 point2 points ago

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I was expecting the hand to grab a truck-full of wasps but sadly it only could grab a handful...

[–]TheAdAgency 24 points25 points ago

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No, the internet has desensitized me to the point i expected him to use them as a suppository and then fart them out onto a canvas forming a perfect Bea Arthur portrait.

[–]lowerlight 25 points26 points ago

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Bee Arthur?

[–]EarthRester 12 points13 points ago

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No, I expected the person to throw them at the spider splicer so he would fall on the floor.

[–]KevinAlan 1 point2 points ago

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Half of them look dead, and the one that is moving looks like it is almost dead.

[–]fazaden 6 points7 points ago

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Yes. Kind of like this, only with wasps instead of ice cream.

[–]Theropissed 8 points9 points ago

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You accidently an vagina extra word.

Edit: Removed the word 'vagina' - Not sure how that sneaked in there.

[–]sparklyteenvampire 1 point2 points ago

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These ninjina attacks are becoming a real threat.

[–]Ledwick 6 points7 points ago

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Yes. I am mildly disappointed.

[–]AllTattedUpJay 1 point2 points ago

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it kicked the shit out of 'snuck' with sneaked and came in the back door after leaving him for dead

[–][deleted] 140 points141 points ago

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This popcorn tastes like pain...

[–][deleted] 24 points25 points ago

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tastes like burning

[–]WarlockyGoodness 18 points19 points ago

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WHY?!

[–]0r1g1n4lg4m3r 8 points9 points ago

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Its all good bro. These wasps are the variety without stingers. Or at least thats what i'm telling myself to stay sane after watching that crazy shit.

[–]plainOldFool 4 points5 points ago

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You know, still fuck that. The feel of those fuckers, stingers or no-stingers, would just be .... [shudder]

[–]PrimaxAUS 47 points48 points ago

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As someone with a wasp phobia... dies

[–][deleted] 58 points59 points ago

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Everyone has a wasp phobia.

[–]Unspoken 27 points28 points ago

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I'm pretty sure the phenomenon is called being a human being.

[–]smellslikegelfling 3 points4 points ago

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I'm pretty sure it's called the first time you get stung.

[–]tkw954 1 point2 points ago

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It's not a phobia if it's a rational fear.

[–]desaparecid0 1 point2 points ago

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As soon as the hand came in I was looking for my gascan

[–]bearshy 12 points13 points ago

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I'm pretty sure these are a collection of male wasps - which I don't think sting.

[–]jenacious 20 points21 points ago

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Still wouldn't do it

[–]noodlyjames 7 points8 points ago

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You may be right. I don't see a pecker on any of them.

[–]FCalleja 1 point2 points ago

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Then they're not male!

[–]AviusQuovis 4 points5 points ago

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Yeah, I was at my local museum's science festival, and they had a box of male wasps you could pet. I sat there for like 15 minutes trying to get up the courage- saw a little girl giggle and play with the things, even- but I could not do it.

[–]GrimFuture 243 points244 points ago

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Honey badgers don't give a fuck.

[–]ultranonymous11 85 points86 points ago

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Honey badgers have very similar hands to humans it appears.

[–]Saivo 48 points49 points ago

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It's a were-honey badger. Supposedly will be the main antagonist for True Blood season 7.

[–]tokomini 33 points34 points ago*

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--Warning: Spoiler--

It gets naked and fucks something until it bleeds from the eyes.

EDIT: Thanks to Saivo for the heads up.

[–]Saivo 3 points4 points ago

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I think that needs a spoiler tag somewhere. :)

[–]incomplete 9 points10 points ago

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Honey badger must have finished off all his cobra.

[–]WhitestKidYouKnow 2 points3 points ago

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IT PUTS HAIR ON YOUR CHEST!

[–]HoneyNinja 3 points4 points ago

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I'm a Honey Badger

[–]blackpandemic 7 points8 points ago

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That's not what your name says.

[–]HoneyNinja 5 points6 points ago

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I assure you I am, nothing to see here..

[–]ecmmyers 4 points5 points ago

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I caught a glimpse of what you did there..

[–]eviljolly 1 point2 points ago

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Let's hope they're a better badger than they are ninja.

[–]cryptogram 15 points16 points ago

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The only thing that would be worse is if he shoved them down his pants next.

[–]monochromatic_oeuvre 4 points5 points ago

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I'm in for five bucks if this video gets made.

[–]r0ckarong 19 points20 points ago

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Video the end is even more NOPE

[–]reflectiveSingleton 8 points9 points ago

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This is going to haunt my dreams for the rest of my life.

"What are you doing...DEAR GOD STOP FUCKING MOVING YOUR FINGERS FOR THE LIFE OF ALL HOLY UNICORNS"

"FUCK FUCK THEY ARE MOVING TOWARDS THE BRAIN...THEY ARE ABOUT TO ASSUME CONTROL"

[–]Slabonator 2 points3 points ago

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The videos that follow this video are even more NOPE.

[–]noodlyjames 3 points4 points ago

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Well, I'll just cut to the chase and "nope" before I start.

[–]nuggles_again 2 points3 points ago

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Yeah I thought the bees were bad...

NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE

[–]logifal 3 points4 points ago

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Paper Wasps sting description: Caustic and burning. Distinctly bitter aftertaste. Like spilling a beaker of hydrochloric acid on a paper cut.

Sounds like fun!

[–]pinkbarracuda 1 point2 points ago

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OHGOD

[–]virusdotexe 9 points10 points ago

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Step 1: grab bees. Step 2: throw bees at girls.

[–]reflythis 4 points5 points ago

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oh, hells no. Bee on a string, all the way. Relevant.

[–]Cullly 4 points5 points ago

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wtf are they?

[–]Esteam[S] 19 points20 points ago

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Wasps.

[–]bigp3rm 15 points16 points ago

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The stinging kind?

[–]zodirento 28 points29 points ago

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Worse, the kissing kind.

[–]turlian 11 points12 points ago

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Better than the raping kind, I suppose.

[–]Pineo 1 point2 points ago

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Worse, Police cops.

[–]Esteam[S] 12 points13 points ago

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Maybe!

[–]Iamametameta 18 points19 points ago

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"Maybe"?! That does NOT count as an answer when I ask my fiance if she's pregnant. That does NOT count as an answer as to whether the spider I just hit that fell behind the desk is actually dead, and it CERTAINLY DOES NOT APPLY TO A BUNCH OF FLYING HATE-MACHINES WHOSE ONLY PURPOSE IS TO FUCK SHIT UP! GOOD DAY, SIR.

[–]Cullly 5 points6 points ago

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ok.. then that's a hell no :O

[–]mhbowmer 6 points7 points ago

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BEES?

[–]dasberd 4 points5 points ago

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BEADS!

[–]Elumako 4 points5 points ago

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Gob's not on board.

[–]adouchebag 1 point2 points ago

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HE'S GOT BEES!

They don't allow bees in here....

[–]ssa3512 14 points15 points ago

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[–]fitzybaby 3 points4 points ago

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BEADS?

[–]mi_nombre_es_ricardo 1 point2 points ago

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butterflies, dressed up as MUTHERFUCKINWASPS!!

[–]cobur5b4 4 points5 points ago

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Did anyone else find this inexplicably hilarious? "I'm just gonna grab me some wasps here... "

[–]MechaAaronBurr 1 point2 points ago

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*** WASP FIGHT!!!***

Tee hee hee

[–]someb0dy 31 points32 points ago

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How could this bee?

[–]they_MAY_be_giants 5 points6 points ago

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It was really hard to wasp.

[–]detailattenhut 20 points21 points ago

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Personally, I thought it was very interesting.

[–]Malazin 11 points12 points ago

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Hive got to stop clicking these links.

[–]reflythis 17 points18 points ago

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At least now I know what all the buzz is about.

[–]GiggityGiggidy 5 points6 points ago

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Nest thing you know people will be calling it fake

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points ago

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Dude don't be a buzzkill

[–]I_BACON_2_END_PUNS 16 points17 points ago

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BACON

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Now this pun thread is running on a wing and a prayer.

[–]osborned 1 point2 points ago

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We should end it with as little pheromony as possible.

[–]InternetsWasYes 2 points3 points ago

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you cut off the gif before he rubs them in his eyes... :(

[–]Gizardmeat 2 points3 points ago

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GAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH.

[–]blizzard30 2 points3 points ago

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They seem to be Sceliphron caementarium wasps. They are harmless, and rarely aggressive.

[–]Darkofday 1 point2 points ago

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For the lazy: wikipedia

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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The only proper way to masturbate is with a handful of bees. I'm surprised none of you guys knew that.

[–]WilshireTheBeast 2 points3 points ago

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Dude man, NSFL

[–]Elv3n 2 points3 points ago

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Fucks given: 0

Fucks about to be given: >9000

[–]el_pinata 1 point2 points ago

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wordless, breathless screaming

[–]edster2003 1 point2 points ago

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That is no man, that is winnie the pooh with man gloves.

[–]porklicious 1 point2 points ago

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[–]cdtoad 1 point2 points ago

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I had to give my self a shot from my eppi pen just watching this!

[–]PunoSuerte 1 point2 points ago

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That made my skin crawl.

[–]IAmNorthKorea 1 point2 points ago

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Fuck this shit, I'm out!

( ╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

[–]goddamnhivemind 1 point2 points ago

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This was kind of a buzzkill.

[–]Lizardizzle 1 point2 points ago

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Fuck yeah, 1000th upvote.

[–]Donpa 1 point2 points ago

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Guys, these are male wasps. Stingers are modified ovipositors so only females have them. The more you know~

[–]LeSpatula 1 point2 points ago

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[–]Alucard_draculA 1 point2 points ago

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NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Ouch

[–]noodlyjames 0 points1 point ago

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WTF?

[–]Antrikshy 1 point2 points ago

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Yeah you got the subreddit name right. What next?

[–]dr1fter 0 points1 point ago

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DAMN THE WHAT SHIT

[–]Torrenthurder 0 points1 point ago

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Those are paper wasps, they have been given a hormone that renders them, well mellow.

[–]flippingarefun 0 points1 point ago

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Last time this was posted I believe it was explained that wasps of one sex don't have stingers and this was all either male/females (whichever ones don't have stingers)

[–]trevdak2 0 points1 point ago

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Quick, someone fetch me a bowl.

I've got this.

[–]Knubinator 0 points1 point ago

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WTF WHY?!

[–]Ziplock189 0 points1 point ago

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is this what happened when they opened that safe?

[–]red_moon 0 points1 point ago

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OMYGAWD!!!!!!!!

[–]MikeSpader 0 points1 point ago

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I cringed. Sphexaphobia's a bitch.

[–]Elafacwen 0 points1 point ago

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D: why would you do thaaat!?

[–]R3zF0x 0 points1 point ago

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Haha ok, but srsly, who replaced my yogurt-covered raisins with wasps?

[–]Cbrad1192 0 points1 point ago

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Handful of bees. Nbd.

[–]sedf45 0 points1 point ago

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Let me just reach in here for some chips…...

[–]InternetBird 0 points1 point ago

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I read the title in Aisha Tyler's [Lana's] voice.