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all 152 comments

[–]OneFootInTheDave 188 points189 points ago

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I love broccoli.

Which, come to think of it, probably means that broccoli hates me. Nobody likes to be steamed and eaten.

[–]BusyNames 33 points34 points ago

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Broccoli may be one of my favorite veggies. Especially when you boil them or whatever they do with them so they get all watery

[–]larsmaehlum 20 points21 points ago

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Steam them for a few minutes, and then lightly stir fry them in a pan with lots of butter.
Your taste buds will thank you.

[–]airdry 8 points9 points ago

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[–]Fuddle 0 points1 point ago

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This, do it

[–]larsmaehlum 0 points1 point ago

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I need to try this. Bookmarked and upvoted.

[–]dragoneye 1 point2 points ago

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No, take the broccoli and pour a bunch of olive oil and about 4 cloves of minced garlic on it. Toss it in an oven and cook until the florets get crispy around the edges. Grate some good Parmesan over that (put down that powdered stuff and back away). Prepare to have your mind blown by awesome broccoli.

[–]larsmaehlum 0 points1 point ago

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Will do :)

[–]wickedcity 0 points1 point ago

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I could never put butter on vegetables.

[–]larsmaehlum 0 points1 point ago

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Why? It makes them taste better, and a veggie and fat mix is really not bad for you.

[–]wickedcity 0 points1 point ago

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I personally just don't like the taste and it seems like you're taking a healthy vegetable and making it unhealthy with lots of butter. :p

I'm not saying butter is evil, but I like it in moderation.

[–]Babies4Breakfast 1 point2 points ago

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Your arteries will cry.

[–]h0ncho 14 points15 points ago

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No they won't, Broccoli itself is pretty healthy and the only butter you get is that which manages to cling to the broccoli.

[–]lemonpjb 15 points16 points ago

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Ignore the downvotes! The saturated fat from butter is not, contrary to popular belief, bad for your heart.

[–]AdamJaz -2 points-1 points ago

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What about the trans fats?

[–]scottklarr 5 points6 points ago

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You don't really have to worry about trans fats with real butter. Just stay away from the margarine.

[–]lemonpjb 1 point2 points ago

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There isn't any trans fat in butter. Trans fats are found in partially hydrogenated oils used in butter-like products like margarine, etc.

[–]mightystu 2 points3 points ago

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Your body can't actually digest all the parts of broccoli. If you need to shit though, it's great for you. Gotta get that fiber.

[–]macaroniandcheese 2 points3 points ago

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says the dude who eats babies for breakfast. pssh.

[–]taco_tuesdays 4 points5 points ago

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Yeah but nobody listens to them anyway.

[–]EvoEpitaph 2 points3 points ago

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Until it's too late.

[–]scottklarr 0 points1 point ago

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Yeah, cry for more.

[–]PaleWithBlueEyes 7 points8 points ago

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Broccoli and cheese. Fuck yes. You ever throw some broccoli bits into a fully loaded baked potato? Aww Yeah! Or bacon and potato soup? Oh man...I'll tear the shit out of some broccoli.

[–]lovethekush 2 points3 points ago

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mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm foood porn

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Coversation over. Sharp fuckin cheddar and broccoli is the new (or old) crack.

[–]jnd-cz 8 points9 points ago

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I love broccoli raw, that way it tastes best.

[–]Dreaded 6 points7 points ago

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I agree. I actually prefer vegetables raw instead of steamed/boiled/whatever.

[–]Wolf_Everstone 10 points11 points ago

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Potatoes are the only exception.

[–]my_drug_account 0 points1 point ago

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Weirdos. I love broccoli, but the second you cook it, it instantly tastes horrible to me.

[–]Plagiarismo 10 points11 points ago

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Nobody likes to be steamed and eaten.

That's what you think.

[–]Aww_Shucks 3 points4 points ago

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Holy shit, you like being steamed and eaten too?!

:D high fives

[–]phreeck 5 points6 points ago

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Steamed, and drowned in LIQUID CHEESE

[–]rmd235 1 point2 points ago

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I heard "LIQUID CHEESE" in a death metal scream.

[–]GreyInkling 1 point2 points ago

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MEEELLEEE MEEELLEEEE MEELLLEEEE!!!!!

[–]xander787 1 point2 points ago

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I dunno about steamed, but Bernd Brandes had a thing for being eaten

[–]iHateusernames1 4 points5 points ago

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I defy anyone to not like steamed broccoli with cheese fondue.

[–]LarrySDonald 3 points4 points ago

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The cheese is very much key. Broccoli, raw, steamed or boiled is basically a vehicle type food. Very few people will want to eat an entire meal of bread (and bread only) but once you start involving butter, cheese, cold cuts, etc bread is the perfect thing to put it on. Similarly broccoli boosts what you're eating it with. It's not the kind of thing you're supposed to serve by itself any more than you should hand someone a bowl of ketchup and a spoon.

[–]a_thiest 4 points5 points ago

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Fuck you Larry, that's some bullshit.

While cheese can - on occasion - augment one's broccoli experience, it is by no means a necessity. Steamed broccoli - with just a smidgen of olive oil - is fan-fucking-tastic.

[–]LarrySDonald 1 point2 points ago

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You're gay and your shit's all ret.. actually let's not go there. If you like it, more power to you - not adding calorie dense stuff to it is probably better. I can eat raw broccoli as-is, but I'm not too fond of it. If it involves dip, cheese, etc it's perfect in any form. Like all food, I guess it just boils down to opinion.

[–]Lineage_tw 2 points3 points ago

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Check out Gordon Ramsay's Broccoli Soup. It's fucking delicious.

[–]Funk-A-Saurus-Rex 2 points3 points ago

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You my friend, have never been to my gym's sauna.

[–]zbun 3 points4 points ago

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Eating broccoli makes me feel like a giant eating tiny trees. NOM NOM NOM

[–]wulululululuu 1 point2 points ago

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Broccoli is delicious, as is brussels sprouts.

[–]thebeefytaco 1 point2 points ago

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So good in pasta.

[–]spawn2105 1 point2 points ago

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Same here, I recently re-discovered my love for broccoli...

Especially with some hot sauce or molten cheese, that just makes it even better.

[–]mahandal 1 point2 points ago

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[–]scottklarr 1 point2 points ago

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Trust me, there's gotta be a rule 34 for that.

[–]Broccoli14 1 point2 points ago

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I appreciate all the broccoli love. It's always been a favorite of mine

[–]j03123 39 points40 points ago

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I am a giant eating tiny trees!

[–]IcedT 26 points27 points ago

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Who hates Broccoli? I LOVE broccoli!

So good with hollandaise sauce!

[–]sharewithastranger 13 points14 points ago

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Everything is good with hollandaise sauce. Especially eggs benedict, which my friend ordered today for brunch but somehow it didn't come with hollandaise sauce. Which I thought was bogus, but then again it was beef tip benedict which I guess is supposed to be different, and it wasn't my meal anyways so I tried not to make a big deal of it. I didn't feel like a bite of it though, while he was pretty excited to try my greek omelet. I like broccoli too though, I'd count the hollendaise sauce as an added bonus to an already pleasant side dish.

[–]a_starfish 1 point2 points ago

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Well, I'll have you know that since I just ate a huge lunch, your culinary tirade was not very effective

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Thanks for sharing dude.

[–]trihedron 6 points7 points ago

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Someone needs to draw a picture of someone giving Broccoli a big hug for being awesome!

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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They say if you mention his name, I'll_draw_that_for_you will come...

[–]Vectoor 1 point2 points ago

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Oh no, you spelled his name wrong! Now for Sure_I'l_draw_that_for_you will never come.

[–]rmd235 1 point2 points ago

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I like this idea

[–]Snowsickle 1 point2 points ago

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[–]trihedron 0 points1 point ago

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Nice try Broccoli with arms. We know your just hugging yourself!

[–]mukashakapaka 5 points6 points ago

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Link to source?

[–]Lessica 4 points5 points ago

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[–]FUCKINGCRATE 1 point2 points ago

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Interesting that the "the" was removed for this submission.

I prefer it without the "the".

[–]Jazzbandrew -1 points0 points ago

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Maybe the "the" prefers it without you, as well.

[–]Captainking117 4 points5 points ago

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Broccoli is my favourite vegetable, why can't he love me back?

[–]NYLIfromWI 0 points1 point ago

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I feel your pain.

[–]mrgriefdog 9 points10 points ago

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it has the death sentence on twelve systems

[–]bumblecurls 2 points3 points ago

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I eat broccoli almost every day. Versatile and so delicious.

[–]TheLabGeek 2 points3 points ago

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I don't about you guys, but brocoli is delicious.

[–]TheSurgeMeister 2 points3 points ago

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I enjoy eating broccoli. Even when I was little I could not understand why everyone else dislike eating it. It like eating little trees! :D

[–]eganist 2 points3 points ago

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Steamed broccoli is damned amazing, especially when it's used as a side to a good steak. It absorbs the juices and turns into the most amazingly delectable veggie ever.

[–]iamfromprague 6 points7 points ago

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Broccolis are awesome. It's like small tree. Everytime I eat broccolis I'm like "holy shit I am eating trees, I must be giant or something"

[–]Wibbles 0 points1 point ago

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The little bulbs on the top are actually flowers. So you're eating little flowery bouquets...which is less rawr-worthy.

[–]theregularlion 1 point2 points ago

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Like I give a shit what broccoli thinks!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Sorry bro, but I love broccoli. They're little trees for my mashed potato mountains. Mkay.

[–]bigontheinside 1 point2 points ago

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I love broccoli, that's why I refuse to eat it

[–]LethalAtheist 1 point2 points ago

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Oh yeah! Well your head looks like a pair a balls!

[–]Cservantes 1 point2 points ago

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Yah? Well the Jerk-store called, and they're runnin' outta you!!!

[–]Vetty81 1 point2 points ago

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I say this to my kid every time she says she doesn't like something. Well, it doesn't like you either.

[–]shoes_of_mackerel 2 points3 points ago

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If vegetables screamed would you still eat them?

Maybe - if they did it all the time for no reason.

Peter Serafinowicz answering a fan on Twitter.

[–]this_isnt_happening 6 points7 points ago

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“If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.”

  • Jack Handey, from at least 1992.

That said, Serafinowicz is a very funny man.

[–]shoes_of_mackerel 2 points3 points ago

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I didn't realise that was one of his. Cheers!

[–]dragoneye 0 points1 point ago

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[–]Psychonik3 0 points1 point ago

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Yeah but nobody makes them eat you now do they?

[–]Woller 0 points1 point ago

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If it's cooked right, broccoli tastes pretty good.

[–]brocccoli 0 points1 point ago

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No I don't :)

[–]hahaheeheehoho 1 point2 points ago

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awwww :-)

[–]SuperSonicEspionage 0 points1 point ago

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I love broccoli too -----It's a great relationship

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Pizza w/Pepperoni & Broccoli = Win.

[–]ThatBlueCrayon 0 points1 point ago

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I fucking love broccoli!

[–]4wikiality 0 points1 point ago

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There is a love song about broccoli....

[–]NYLIfromWI 0 points1 point ago

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Broccoli and I had a great time, until a few years ago.

[–]The_A_Drain 0 points1 point ago

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I like broccoli :(

[–]mcbunn 0 points1 point ago

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I only like the stems of broccoli. They're nice and crunchy, while the texture of the top is gritty (or mushy, depending on the steam time) and unpleasant.

[–]AlwaysTurning 0 points1 point ago

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me and broccoli are friends with benefits and I go down on my broccobro whenever I get the chance.

[–]Spawn_of_VA 0 points1 point ago

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I happen to like Broccoli.

[–]yentlequible 0 points1 point ago

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How can anyone not love broccoli?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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And here's where everyone on reddit goes out of their way to say how much they love broccoli and don't conform to stereotypes.

[–]dietotaku 0 points1 point ago

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good, then the feeling is mutual! i'm glad we have an understanding, broccoli! *narrows eyes*

[–]GeorgePukas 0 points1 point ago

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Actually, I have. My dad told me that when I was a kid, whenever I said I hated broccoli.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I'm ok with broccoli. These things can gtfo though..

http://www.lesliebeck.com/images/featured_foods/brussels-sprouts.jpg

[–]TheRedArrow 0 points1 point ago

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Broccoli's good, but fuck cauliflower. Worst tree-like vegetable ever.

[–]rtg2k 0 points1 point ago

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[–]RickVince 0 points1 point ago

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I microwave broccoli.

Is that...bad? What does it mean to steam broccoli?

[–]mnells 0 points1 point ago

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I love broccoli too. Everything that I love hates me.

FOREVER ALONE.

[–]dontaxmebro 0 points1 point ago

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I love beef and broccoli

[–]day_cq 0 points1 point ago

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[–]Metallipod 0 points1 point ago

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Anybody else read this in Boxy Browns voice?

[–]CobaltBlue 0 points1 point ago

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I don't think broccoli likes much of anyone. [source].

[–]GolgiApparatus88 0 points1 point ago

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Broccoli + Cheese = Awesomeness

[–]MT_Flesch 0 points1 point ago

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i love broccoli. it's my friends and neighbors that dislike me having any

[–]loveisfornerds 0 points1 point ago

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But...but...I like broccoli.

[–]hannes333 0 points1 point ago

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I HEART BROCCOLAR

[–]Demotic 0 points1 point ago

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Raw broccoli + ranch = me gusta.

[–]Jeffmonkey 0 points1 point ago

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He better like me. I give him freehaircuts.

[–]xsvfan 0 points1 point ago

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If you don't like broccoli, try oven roasted it with a little olive oil, and bread crumbs. It tastes delicious and I hate steamed broccoli.

[–]ZeekySantos 0 points1 point ago

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But I like broccoli! :(

[–]reptilian_overlord 0 points1 point ago

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You know, that kind of hurts. I mean, I actually love broccoli and if broccoli hates me, I would have to like completely reevaluate our relationship.

[–]34mjf 0 points1 point ago

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no i have never thought of that? why you ask?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Oh come on, I ruv broccoli.

[–]Crookedtard 0 points1 point ago

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but I love broccoli. :(

[–]ZombieSociety 0 points1 point ago

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Broccoli is delicious and fun to play with. If you don't like broccoli, you can just grow right up.

[–]atizv83 0 points1 point ago

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Broccoli must really love me then, and it turns out I don't care for those who don't like broccoli either :/

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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whenever someone asks me to pass the broccoli i karate chop them and say "It's pronounced Bruce Lee"

[–]RazerHail 0 points1 point ago

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that broccoli looks like it needs a hug and a carrot companion

[–]jupiter3888 0 points1 point ago

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try eating them raw if you haven't. damn nice.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Broccoli and I are great. It's the Brussels sprouts I have to worry about.

[–]DirtyBojanglez 0 points1 point ago

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Fuck broccoli. That's why I suffocate his as with cheese. Motherfucker.

[–]MrAFish 0 points1 point ago

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90% of the responses: "Yeah, well I like broccoli!"

When did r/funny become r/literal?

[–]ErezYehuda 0 points1 point ago

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Whenever my friends say they hate something, I tell them that the thing hates them too.

I usually like broccoli, though.

[–]merrickal 0 points1 point ago

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I love broccoli.. Why broccoli no love me in return?

[–]thehair 0 points1 point ago

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who the FUCK doesn't like broccoli? huh?
Nobody that's who

[–]Snowsickle 0 points1 point ago

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Can we make broccoli hugging a thing?

http://i.imgur.com/WCtGG.jpg

[–]SecondaryLawnWreckin 0 points1 point ago

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I love Broccoli. It makes me fart like crazy if I have it 2 days in a row though.

Small price to pay.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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i LOVE broccoli. probably because my parents convinced me they were mini trees and i was a dinosaur. found out at 15 im not a dinosaur

[–]_NeuroManson_ 0 points1 point ago

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I love broccoli, does that mean I'm a broccoli rapist?

[–]scubakid24 0 points1 point ago

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Well then I'm going to eat it just to piss it off more!

[–]andrea1rp 0 points1 point ago

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Sure doesn't, because it DESTROYS MY INSIDES IF EATEN. I'm allergic.

[–]mmmm_pizza 0 points1 point ago

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Good, I like cauliflower anyways!

[–]rickfrancocom 0 points1 point ago

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Real kids don't eat broccoli

[–]timecraft 0 points1 point ago

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Broccoli makes me nervous captain, he makes everybody nervous.

[–]flawlesslylogical 0 points1 point ago

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I adore brocolli. I avoided it for years because of it's icky looks and reputation. Wasted years...

[–]okaythisisit 0 points1 point ago

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I really like broccoli.

[–]king_of_the_universe 0 points1 point ago

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[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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the broccolli in chinese food is DA BOMB

[–]RobMagus 0 points1 point ago

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Supertasters can't help it, they just find broccoli too damn bitter.

[–]hahaheeheehoho 1 point2 points ago

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how do you know if you're a supertaster?

[–]RobMagus 1 point2 points ago

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you'll need to get some blue food colouring. I did this as a science fair project once http://www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2010/06/how-to-tell-if-you-are-a-supertaster/

[–]hahaheeheehoho 0 points1 point ago

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cool, thanks!

[–]xcutmegentlyx 0 points1 point ago

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Take a supertaster test.

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points ago

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I'm a supertaster and I find broccoli sweet, not bitter.

(in the stem. the "leaves" shouldn't taste of much if you cooked it properly.)

[–]Ridikulus -2 points-1 points ago

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Chuckle = upvote

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

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now that's just plain crude.