this post was submitted on
600 points (54% like it)
3,701 up votes 3,101 down votes
shortlink:

funny

subscribe2,235,409 readers

No posts with their sole purpose being to communicate with another redditor. Example.

Welcome to r/Funny:

You may only post if you are funny.

Please No:

  • Screenshots of comment threads. Post a link with context to /r/bestof instead.

  • Posts for the specific point of it being your reddit birthday.

  • Politics - This includes the 2012 Presidential candidates or bills in congress.

  • Rage comics - Go to /fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu instead.

  • Memes - Go to /r/AdviceAnimals or /r/Memes instead.

  • Demotivational posters - Go to /r/Demotivational instead.

  • Pictures of just text - Make a self post instead.

  • DAE posts - Go to /r/doesanybodyelse

  • eCards - the poll result was 55.02% in favor of removal. Please submit eCards to /r/ecards

  • URL shorteners - No link shorteners (or HugeURL) in either post links or comments. They will be deleted regardless of intent.

Rehosted webcomics will be removed. Please submit a link to the original comic's site and preferably an imgur link in the comments. Do not post a link to the comic image, it must be linked to the page of the comic. (*) (*)

Need more? Check out:

Still need more? See Reddit's best / worst and offensive joke collections (warning: some of those jokes are offensive / nsfw!).

Please DO NOT post personal information. This includes anything hosted on Facebook's servers, as they can be traced to the original account holder.

If your submission appears to be banned, please don't just delete it as that makes the filter hate you! Instead please send us a message with a link to the post. We'll unban it and it should get better. Please allow 10 minutes for the post to appear before messaging moderators

The moderators of /r/funny reserve the right to moderate posts and comments at their discretion, with regard to their perception of the suitability of said posts and comments for this subreddit. Thank you for your understanding.

CSS - BritishEnglishPolice ©2011

a community for
to anything interesting: news article, blog entry, video, picture...
message the moderators

MODERATORS

reddit is a source for what's new and popular online. vote on links that you like or dislike and help decide what's popular, or submit your own! learn more ›

599
600

MAGIC! [fixed] (i.imgur.com)

submitted ago by Sybock-

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on
all 66 comments
sorted by:
best
hot
new
controversial
top
old
best

[–]original-finder 99 points100 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Original Submission [100%]: MAGIC!

Posted: 10h before this post by Dudekota (fixed by Sybock-)

This comment generated by an automated bot. Is this match wrong?

[–]AmazingJohnny 22 points23 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Interesting bot. I support this bot till it becomes an actual feature on reddit

[–]incognatias 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I wouldn't mind being able to add it to the sidebar.

[–][deleted] ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[deleted]

[–]FnuGk 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

thanks to RES i already do this. click view images than scroll down

[–]CuzinVinny 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Fuckin love RES

[–]MrDanger 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I imagine the butthurt that led to the creation of this bot was white hot and unquenchable.

[–][deleted] ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[deleted]

[–]tnicholson 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Buh Bye!

[–]Captain_Nonsequitur 4 points5 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

He should probably explain why he's got a cock for a thumb

[–]raspootan 10 points11 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Their favorite trick is making a young boy's innocence disappear.

[–]bgwest 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

You've got to be shittin' me! I never knew

[–]dskrajci 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

so you are saying that a god making earth and light and humans in a matter of days, even though for the first few "days" there was no earth to revolve around the sun, is Magic. mind = blown

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Not to mention the part where he made the plants before the sun. D'oh!

[–]Boshaft 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

It never said he made happy, healthy plants...

[–]deathleaper 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

It's the Dark Side of The Force! I ain't gotta explain shit!

[–]mthslhrookiecard 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I ain't got to explain shit

I've been preachin to motherfuckers since the slave ships

with the same cross and the same and the same big hat

one full mass a motherfuckers sure to convert

thats gods word, peasants never taught to read latin

have the choir and your mother singin "hal-le-lu-jah"

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

This is the first non-incredibly-evil-looking picture of this pope I have seen.

[–]Akatsiya 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

lol iunno im just poping

[–][deleted] ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[deleted]

[–]ladiesman_217 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

no, that's Darth Sidious

[–]yogthos 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I thought he was known as Darth Quisitor :P

[–]Trogdorian 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I have a problem with people who follow religion 100%. I also have a problem with Athiests who hate religion 100%. The simple fact is, neither can be proved and while I feel religious books are all made up by humans, that doesnt mean there isnt a higher power. Not saying theres a "god" the way modern religions put it, as in a mystical guy up in the sky who can micromanage our lives.... but to deny that there can be a higher power that works on different time scales, perhaps even in different dimensions that we cant imagine is stupid too.

To quote Bill Mahr. If on a scale of 1-7 (7 being absolutely no god, and 1 being absolutely there is a god), "I'm a 6.9 and I imagine Richard Dawkins is too" -Bill Mahr. I personally define Athiests as 7 and Believers as 1. Anyone in between is agnostic. Agnostics are the only reasonable people. Anyone to either extreme should be watched carefully.

(prepares for downvotes! haters....)

[–]poopskins 9 points10 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I consider myself an atheist, but that does not mean I "know" there is no god or gods. It only means that I do not consider it a possibility any more likely than the existence of unicorns, fairies, Santa Claus or the celestial teapot.

In the words of Betrand Russell:

I ought to call myself an agnostic; but, for all practical purposes, I am an atheist. I do not think the existence of the Christian God any more probable than the existence of the Gods of Olympus or Valhalla. To take another illustration: nobody can prove that there is not between the Earth and Mars a china teapot revolving in an elliptical orbit, but nobody thinks this sufficiently likely to be taken into account in practice. I think the Christian God just as unlikely.

There might be some people that associate themselves with the definition of atheist that you suggest. Bear in mind, however, that the word itself doesn't say anything about how certain one is of there being no gods; it only means that one holds no such belief.

Personally, like Russell, I lay the burden of evidence on the dogmatist. Again, on the celestial teapot, he says:

Many orthodox people speak as though it were the business of sceptics to disprove received dogmas rather than of dogmatists to prove them.

For this reason I think Mahr's scale is a bad reference. It is a nonsensical question to ask an atheist if a god exists or not, in the same sense as asking what the color of logic is.

[–]AccusationsGW 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

So where are you on tooth-fairy agnosticism? How about the Hindu pantheon?

[–]unusintersepes 12 points13 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Agnostic atheism sounds like it hits exactly what you're saying. I feel that most agnostic atheists agree that the existence of a higher power is possible but extremely improbable, precisely because there's not much convincing evidence to swing someone into the gnostic theist camp.

[–]TechnoNStuff 15 points16 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Exactly this. Most atheists are agnostic atheists - we just identify as "atheist" since it's a more convenient word to use. We're open to the possibility that a higher being exists, but without any evidence, we take the default position of no belief. Burden of proof is on the one asserting a specific god, etc.

http://usu-shaft.com/wp-content/uploads/nb2mO.jpg

Venn diagram included for science.

[–]ZeekySantos 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Where's the "Doesn't give a shit about trivial nonsense" category?

[–]Dandi8 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

1000 times this. That said, I want to punch every gnostic whoever and also anyone who tells me it's better to be a theist because no proof doesn't mean I won't go to hell. Agnostic theists are what the world seems to be populated with, sadly they're never really so agnostic... But I guess being really agnostic and logical pretty much requires becoming an atheist (aforementioned burden of proof and such).

[–]YummyMeatballs 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Ahh Pascal's Wager, 'tis so very stupid that even Homer Simspon knows it's bullshit.

Suppose we’ve chosen the wrong god. Every time we go to church we’re just making him madder and madder!

[–]unusintersepes 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Agnostic atheists, unite! *virtual fist bump

[–]yogthos 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Atheism isn't about denying anything, it's an evidence based system where you make decisions based on the information available to you at the time. All you're saying as an atheist is that magic isn't necessary to explain the universe, it doesn't help explain the universe, and none of the available evidence points to magic existing. It's not a complicated concept really.

[–]tyrghast 5 points6 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I personally define

Right on, so you have a personal definition of 'atheist' that differs from the traditional definition, thus allowing you to justify your unreasonable vilification of those who believe there is no higher power at all.

Tell me again, in detail, how this makes you any less of a bigot.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

there can be a higher power that works on different time scales, perhaps even in different dimensions

You've got all your work ahead of you when you make a statement like that. First of all you have to clarify what you mean by 'works', 'different time scales', and 'different dimensions', otherwise you're just speaking in meaningless new-age vaguaries. After that, you have to provide at least some sort of circumstantial evidence for such a claim. I suspect you cannot do either of these. If you can't, you should ask yourself, what exactly were you saying here? Are you even sure? Or, perhaps your view is just a hastily thought-out haze in which you can reside and feel superior to most atheists, who have probably thought about this stuff a lot more than you have.

[–]Jawshem 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Let me simplify it for you a little bit because you're getting caught up in the details, and rehashing old faulty logic arguments.

There is a possibility of a being/creature/consciousness greater than our own. It is arrogant to argue nothing is beyond our comprehension and dangerous to deal in absolutes.

That is his point. It is possible to be spiritual and belive in a "god" but not follow a "religion".

[–]bloog 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

You're an atheist.
Welcome to the club.

[–]bloog 4 points5 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Ok, you guys stick to Trogdorian's "personal definition" of atheism.
What you don't realize is that you believe the same thing as 90% of atheists.
Nor do you realize that atheism and agnosticism are not mutually exclusive, and in fact, do not deal with the same question.
Agnosticism is a qualifier that says you can't prove nor disprove the existence of deities. It does not answer the question of whether you believe gods exist.
You can continue projecting your uninformed "personal" definitions and beliefs onto atheists, but that's all they are.
Atheism encompasses both those who are certain gods don't exist and those who are uncertain. To be an atheist you simply need not be a theist. That is to say, you do not hold the belief that gods exist.
Which includes you, unless you're dumb enough to say "I believe that extra-dimensional beings lord over us" with no support for that belief or whatever your pet theory is.
Sorry, you're agnostic atheist, just like the majority of atheists.

[–]PartyBusGaming 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I'm too scared to put my religion as "agnostic" on facebook. I would be eaten alive and outcast by every living being around here if I did.

So every time religion pops up, or my baseball team does a group prayer, and something like that, I just follow along and hope no one singles me out to do something.

[–]Boshaft 2 points3 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I try an catch someone's eye, then mouth "watermelon" over and over again. Confuses the hell out of them and amuses me, and before we know it the prayer is over.

[–]kreiger 3 points4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

That scale is backwards, it should be 0 for no belief, 7 for religious, 9 for scientologist, and 10 for batshit insane.

[–]Hubso 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

You've got 9 and 10 the wrong way round.

[–]kreiger 0 points1 point ago*

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Some of them, e.g. Tom Cruise and John Travolta, have a good thing going. I believe they're only apparently or at least only nearly insane. I sometimes wish i could have gotten in on the gravy train too.

[–]cellodude97 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

You can't say that agnostics are the only reasonable people. I don't hate all religions but I definitely believe that there is no higher power. I have my reasons to believe what I believe and religious people have their reasons to believe what they believe. I know many people that follow religion 100% but they are reasonable people that I have had very sincere discussions with about religion. And simply because I believe in something strongly doesn't mean I don't question it from time to time. TL;DR Simply because we believe in something strongly doesn't mean we're not reasonable

[–]YummyMeatballs 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I personally define Athiests as 7 and Believers as 1. Anyone in between is agnostic. Agnostics are the only reasonable people. Anyone to either extreme should be watched carefully.

No hating, but as has already been said, your definition is wrong. A 7 would be a 'strong' atheist, someone who believes there's no God. Anything short of that (while still lacking belief in a god/gods) is a weak atheist, also known as an atheist agnostic.

I expect you'll find that the majority of people that define themselves as atheists are 'weak' atheists, i.e. think the idea of a god is highly improbable, though don't actively believe one doesn't exist.

[–][deleted] ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

[deleted]

[–]TheVetrinarian 9 points10 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Both.

[–]PopeJohnPaulII 8 points9 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

All Popes get magic powers, those different colored smokes that appear upon confirming a new Pope. I choose to prolong life and post on Reddit.

[–]Magnesus 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Are you still so shaky?

[–][deleted] -3 points-2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Yes, no, yes.

[–]Zephyr4 1 point2 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

He looks oddly young in that picture.

[–]Cevian 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

The pope would be a horrible DM.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Grown men getting a boner for little boys: Magic!

[–]jeefray 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I believed I would have another beer, but I quit in 2004.

[–]CitizenPremier 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Why didn't I do anything about all the child abuse? MAGIC!

[–]scramtek 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Why is Keith Olberman hanging out with the pope?

[–]LoserZero 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

It's not a magic trick, it's an illusion

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

I think he's wearing hair extensions.

[–]vadergeek 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Wait, the pope is Quesada? That explains so much.

[–]Tipper213 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Bitch stole my iPod.

[–]darthluke 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Everyone should read The Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark by Carl Sagan.

[–]FoxifiedNutjob 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

PARENTS SEND YOUR CHILDREN 2 JESUS CAMP

if you want them to experience what it is like to have a grown man's penis in their rectums.

[–]RawrRevenge 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

i cant believe this shit hit front page.

[–]Mfrank989 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

r/atheism should have this. That subreddit loves jacking each other off on religious jokes/humor.

[–]lackingsaint -1 points0 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

If you think that religion is about reason and logic, you're missing the point by a wide margin.

[–]DefaultPlayer -1 points0 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Sounds like a writer from L O S T

[–]bestcomment -5 points-4 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Replace magic with religion and it make a good template for religious people (I know i'm a horrible person)

[–]Dandi8 4 points5 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

Isn't that what happened?

[–]bundleogrundle -1 points0 points ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

The Pope looks like such an evil human being, him and his buddy. He scares the crap out of me.

[–]JanoMano 0 points1 point ago

sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

this is actually a good picture of him... but I'm sorry he's not as good looking as you. Write a complaint and I'm sure they'll start choosing based on looks

Use of this site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement and Privacy Policy. © 2012 reddit inc. All rights reserved.

REDDIT and the ALIEN Logo are registered trademarks of reddit inc.

π Rendered by PID 24577 on app-80 running fc22e53.