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all 199 comments

[–]Lifted 100 points101 points ago

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Do you know that you have a striking resemblance to Larry David?

[–]rollerboogie 35 points36 points ago

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Get in that ass LD!

[–]socatevoli 14 points15 points ago*

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You immedietly get in that ass. You pull that asshole open, step into they asshole; close the door behind you. Take a spray can, right? “Larry was here”. You spray paint "Larry was here" "wash me" all that kinda shit. Fuck his whole asshole up. Eat snicker bars, throw the wrapper on the ground. Read a news paper, ball up paper throw the newspaper on the floor. Fuck his whole ass hole up, know what I'm sayin? Open that asshole one more time, open it again! Ahhhh! Step out his ass – and you leave that muthafucka wide open so he know you been there.

[–]Tyba11s 46 points47 points ago

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Prettaaaay, prettaaaay, pretty good.

[–]arlanTLDR 16 points17 points ago

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Its not a picture of the OP, he just used a frequently posted image:

http://www.tineye.com/search/d671c63ef1aea70c529b0b2f13099cd1fe2c751b/

[–]r_spiders_link 12 points13 points ago

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The guy's name is Peter Rivera. Someone broke into his house and when he fought back he was stabbed in the eye. Luckily the police caught the burglar. But Peter's actually a pretty cool guy, he use to own an ice cream shop in the town I grew up in. Pic of us together.

[–]htcp 11 points12 points ago

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HAHA RES has saved the day once again from you, SPIDER MAN.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

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RES has also saved me, but I didn't manage to come up with an original tag. Mind if I steal your idea?

[–]endingthread 1 point2 points ago

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[–]Predator_ 2 points3 points ago

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You need to die. :::primes lasers:::

[–]Konchshell 2 points3 points ago

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the best fucking thing is you always get me with this believable story. you sir are a fucking genius.

[–]mahtehthew 1 point2 points ago

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thanks for your services sir, you point out all of the wusses on reddit.

[–]rekgreen 0 points1 point ago

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god fucking damn - you get me every fucking time, fuck fuck fuck

[–]cross-eye-bear 1 point2 points ago

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I am glad, cause for a second I had to stop and consider that most of my reddit peers could be this guy and his best friends, and it made it made me a little uncomfortable. I am not entirely sure why, I'm no ageist.

Or am I? Fuck you free ipads! it's too late for this kind of self evaluation.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]arlanTLDR 13 points14 points ago

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Haha, did you really? Check some of those other links, they all make the same joke. I did not come up with this joke, but I dont think you did either.

4 free ipads to give away, gave one to my mate Dave already!

I thought I’d get one of them new iPads, well cheap.

speaking of iPads....this guy is giving out free ones

[–]jeremiahfira 0 points1 point ago

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Yep, they used this same joke on Z100 Morning Zoo. I think Greg T or Scary was doing it.

[–]VulturE 0 points1 point ago

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Rule #572: Everything is on the internet before you are.

[–]amazingmaximo 5 points6 points ago

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long balls larry.

[–]Dream_the_Unpossible 3 points4 points ago

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Larry David crossed with post-incident Roger Ebert.

[–]fomorian 1 point2 points ago

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you mean the ingrown toenail incident of '08?

[–]ArthurTrollington 173 points174 points ago

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An apostrophe does not mean "Here comes the s!"

[–]BusHeckler 11 points12 points ago

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My teacher used to say 'they aren't smarties. If they were you'd all have rotten teeth'. Good ol Mrs. Bailey.

[–]down_vote_magnet 41 points42 points ago

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Ever drink Bailey's from a shoe?

Wanna come to a club where people wee on each other?

[–]upvoter9001 4 points5 points ago

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I've got a mangina. I'm Old Greeeggg!

[–]BusHeckler 8 points9 points ago

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I... I don't...

I um...

...

Well this is awkward.

[–]he1ixMeadow5 6 points7 points ago

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i like you.

[–]DelayingAdulthood 7 points8 points ago

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I think I could learn to love you..

[–]8_bit_doctor_who 4 points5 points ago

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Do you love me? Or you playing your love games with me?

[–]amibeingatool 3 points4 points ago

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[–]thefloppydog 2 points3 points ago

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Both ;)

[–]he1ixMeadow5 1 point2 points ago

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i do watercolors.

[–]8_bit_doctor_who 0 points1 point ago

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I call this one old gregg. And I call this one old Gregg. And this one? Do you know what I call this one? Old Gregg? Yes. Thank you sir.

[–]nothas 1 point2 points ago

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[–]fomorian 0 points1 point ago

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there's always a reference, isn't there?

[–]Fyreswing 1 point2 points ago

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No it isn't! Really! It's on of the breast comments i've ever se-

I MEAN BEST! BEST COMMENTS! I MEANT BEST COMMENTS!

becomes more awkward

[–]sidney_crago 1 point2 points ago

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I'm gonna hurt you.

[–]ObdwellaX 0 points1 point ago

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I want to hurt ya.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

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Wanna come to a club where people wee on each other?

:3

[–]No_Source_Provided 23 points24 points ago

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I like that an english teacher once said this to you.

[–]TexasFight[S] 101 points102 points ago

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It's a new rule in English, you've probably never heard about it.

[–]rarisgod 63 points64 points ago

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Grammar hipster.

[–]stanfan114 7 points8 points ago

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It's the little detail that guarantees front page material.

[–]FEDERAL_RESERVE_CEO 0 points1 point ago

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Never go down without a fight.

[–][deleted] -3 points-2 points ago

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Is there actually a rule in English that specifies that the plural form of things that aren't actually words (i.e. brand names) involves usage of an apostrophe?

[–]Mattron2021 7 points8 points ago

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You never use an apostrophe for plural. An apostrophe serves (technically) one purpose, to take the place of one or more missing letters. Now you are saying, "wait, what about possessive?" Prior to the invention of the apostrophe, we made words possessive by adding an es. So the apostrophe is taking place of the e we no longer use.

TLDR; if you use an apostrophe to make a word plural you are retarded.

[–]Under_My_Umbuhrella 1 point2 points ago

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What if you're talking about something that is only one letter? (Dot your I's, cross your T's) No?

[–]Mattron2021 0 points1 point ago

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Farther down the thread someone posted this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apostrophe#Use_in_forming_certain_plurals

So, I guess you got me. My history teachers in college were CRAZY about their old-fashioned, proper grammar....so it's ingrained into me to use the original rules.

[–]burgleinfernal 0 points1 point ago

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My last name is O'Halloran. Explain that shit.

[–]Mattron2021 9 points10 points ago

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Of Halloran. Probably the name of a city or clan.

Also before anyone asks, o'clock stands for Of The Clock.

[–][deleted] -3 points-2 points ago

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Your report card needs more A's.

The 90's.

Checkmate.

[–]Mattron2021 5 points6 points ago

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You better be trolling:

Your report card needs more As. (no apostrophe)

The '90s. (apostrophe BEFORE because it's taking the place of the 19)

Edit: You CAN say 90's....but it'd be 90's what? Music? Movies? Hookers? It's a possessive. Edit 2: Really? Username QualityControl? WTF.

[–]Kdagger 2 points3 points ago

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[–]Mattron2021 0 points1 point ago

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Thank you!

[–]ArthurTrollington 0 points1 point ago

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"This report card needs more A's" is debatable; the jury's still out on that one.

[–]Mattron2021 1 point2 points ago

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Debatable, yes. Generally though it's considered more proper to not use the apostrophe when you're using a single capital letter. I guess it kinda falls in with saying cacti vs cactuses. Outside of a grammar debate, calling you out on it is only being douchey.

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points ago

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fifty pages of Queen's English vs. General American semantic bullshit\

[–]Mattron2021 4 points5 points ago

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And which are you saying I'm doing? Maybe as an English teacher I should teach bullshit? Is that what you're saying?

TLDR; Poor dude is butthurt because I answered his original question too well.

[–][deleted] -3 points-2 points ago

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Call the other party butthurt, downvote their posts. Amusing.

Do you fail students that disagree with you too?

[–]Mattron2021 3 points4 points ago

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Haha, so now people can disagree with facts? Then yes, if something is wrong, I mark it wrong. Grammar is either right or wrong, you asked.

[–]Snowsickle 4 points5 points ago

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No.

[–]autonym 1 point2 points ago

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Correct. Also, brand names are words.

[–]skingstrang -2 points-1 points ago

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DAE not have an idea as to what the hell this question is asking?

[–]Mattron2021 0 points1 point ago

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After getting into an exchange with him....I'm pretty sure even he doesn't.

[–]stevescorpio -4 points-3 points ago

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Its a new rule in English...

FTFY.

(Just to be consistent)

[–]thatwasntveryraven 3 points4 points ago

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Here come's the s

FTFY.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Are you 'sure?

[–]dragon824 0 points1 point ago

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Don't you mean "Here come's the s!"?

[–]nogoodtrying 0 points1 point ago

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I just tried to explain your comment to my wife. She still doesn't get it. Please give me an easier way to explain it to her. I tried:

The apostrophe should only be used when the word is possessive or used in conjunction with the word "is". This is funny because the OP used it incorrectly and the way this commenter pointed out his error was to say that the apostrophe is not supposed to be used for the purpose of announcing the arrival of the "s". He was being snarky.

She just looked at me blankly.

[–]Mattron2021 0 points1 point ago

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You never use an apostrophe for plural. An apostrophe serves (technically) one purpose, to take the place of one or more missing letters. Now you are saying, "wait, what about possessive?" Prior to the invention of the apostrophe, we made words possessive by adding an es. So the apostrophe is taking place of the e we no longer use.

TLDR; apostrophe means you took something out.

[–]ArthurTrollington 0 points1 point ago

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Pull out your cock, look at it, and say, "Well? It's not going to suck itself."

[–]shockfactor 34 points35 points ago

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That joke doesn't really work when it's written out.

[–]chrissyseebs 10 points11 points ago

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Eyepad's?

[–]donz0r 4 points5 points ago

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Apostrophe's?

[–]chrissyseebs 2 points3 points ago

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I think it's apostrophes'

[–]webby_mc_webberson 3 points4 points ago

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It's actually apostrophies durr

[–]chrissyseebs -1 points0 points ago

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Why don't you stick to what you're good at. MC'ing the Webbies.

[–]IIoWoII 4 points5 points ago

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Now I get it... -_-

[–]The_Fiddler1979 0 points1 point ago

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Thanks shock, I was trying to work out what the hell I was missing!

[–]NepoEgassap 41 points42 points ago

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Eye see what you did there

[–]avengepluto 14 points15 points ago

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Icy watt ewe deed thar.

[–]Timekpr 2 points3 points ago

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He's certainly a sight for sore eyes.

[–]Dealjobber -1 points0 points ago

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What killed the dinosaurs? The Eyes Age!

[–]iseewhatyoudidthere5 -1 points0 points ago

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AHEM

[–]isdevilis 4 points5 points ago

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[–]ProbablyHittingOnYou 15 points16 points ago

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12 iPad's what? What do they own?

[–]webby_mc_webberson 8 points9 points ago

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No, "12 iPad is".

[–]hiphoprising 2 points3 points ago

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It can also be used to show possession, sir!

[–]webby_mc_webberson 4 points5 points ago

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Yeah, I know. I guess the joke tanked.

[–]hiphoprising 2 points3 points ago

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LOL now that I see your points I'd have to agree. Have two upvotes.

[–]Forseti1590 1 point2 points ago

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Except 12 denotes multiple iPads. Meaning it would have to be iPads' to be possessive. So this contraction would have to be "iPad is"

[–]user54 2 points3 points ago

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fuck. i laughed.

[–]DaisyAdair 6 points7 points ago

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I'm certain I saw this on reddit already. it was phrased differently before but it was there. repost = bored now.

[–]Harrison-H 2 points3 points ago

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You did. Before it was "My dad just sent me a picture of his new iPad" or something like that.

[–]like9mexicans 1 point2 points ago

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Larry David?

[–]shamins 1 point2 points ago

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so you aren't really selling the ipads :(

http://i.imgur.com/RHcv4.jpg

[–]awfulgrace 1 point2 points ago

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My mom actually forwarded this to me last week, seriously. She usually sends pictures of dogs in Halloween costumes and bad right wing propaganda jokes.

A new low when the reddit front page is a week behind a 70 year old woman's email forwards :-D

[–]Napppy 1 point2 points ago

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how do we know these ipads aren't bricked?

[–]MissedTheWholePoint 1 point2 points ago

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Is the picture of the dude selling them? I wonder why he's got them for such a good price. Maybe he has trouble using them because of his eye injury.

[–]Kracus 0 points1 point ago

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at first I was like... but then I was like lol.

[–]drugaddledfiend 1 point2 points ago

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Seems legit...

[–]kingsway8605 1 point2 points ago

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TIL Larry David uses Reddit

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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It truly makes me happy to see such an active member of reddit at such an age.

[–]Ascetue 1 point2 points ago

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So where's the funny part?

[–]DeafGuy 1 point2 points ago

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[–]aazav 1 point2 points ago

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"iPads", not "iPad's". This is not that hard, really.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points ago

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[–]XXXMasonXXX 5 points6 points ago

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It's eye pads not iPads you illiterate fuck.

[–]DrDuncanVonBurndubs 1 point2 points ago

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FUCK I know look at this goddamn stupid old man hope some nigger stabs his other eye out

[–][deleted] -3 points-2 points ago

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Thats the joke.

[–]cooldudeconsortium 2 points3 points ago

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but it doesn't work when it's written

[–]cooldudeconsortium 0 points1 point ago

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but it doesn't work when it's written

[–]Facenoms 1 point2 points ago

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Did you copy and paste the title from the forward your mom sent you too?

[–]astrokinetic 1 point2 points ago

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slow clap

[–]lalit008 0 points1 point ago

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*clap

[–]rodriguezlrichard 0 points1 point ago

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Damn you and your clever wording....

[–]asassin91 0 points1 point ago

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rimshot

[–]PossiblyTrolling 0 points1 point ago

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Why don't you just walk around with the power of 12 hipsters in stead?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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How much?

[–]Con45 0 points1 point ago

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SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!

[–]myeverymovment 0 points1 point ago

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highest of fives for my fellow old redditor

[–]Smokeeey 0 points1 point ago

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Would you happen to live in the London area?

[–]kingkooka 0 points1 point ago

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Anyone else think this guy looks like an older Larry David?

[–]ESPguitarist 0 points1 point ago

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Ah, you clever douche! hahahaha

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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That was pretty good. Preetty, preeettyy preeettyyyy good.

[–]Switche 0 points1 point ago

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Is this joke funny again already?

[–]stapleface 0 points1 point ago

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I down voted at first because i thought it was spam but when I saw it, I wish i had more upvotes to give you.

[–]stimbus 0 points1 point ago

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This must have been you then.

[–]saintbargabar 0 points1 point ago

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Have any non-adhesive eye patches? I need one but no stores near me carry them. Stupid strabismus and stupid adhesive allergy.

[–]Sea_Hag 0 points1 point ago

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Is Colonel Tigh!

[–]ZachGates 0 points1 point ago

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Upvote: half because I'm a shameless pun-whore, and half because I adore knowing that there are people of all demographics on Reddit.

[–]SL8Rfan 0 points1 point ago

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larry? that's pretty preeetttty prettttyyyyy good.

[–]fuckyourswag 0 points1 point ago

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Stfu.

[–]Rage_Comic_Guy 0 points1 point ago

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i am am the prince of Nigeria, if you are interested in becoming a very rich man, contact me.

[–]extra_23 0 points1 point ago

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AAAAAHHHHHHH! I thought you said iPatch, fooled me!

[–]canyonkid 0 points1 point ago

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At christmas i had my son post on facebook that his dad was giveing all the family ipads. I had a dozen nephews ready for their eyepads. They still talk to me.

[–]JesusWuta40oz 0 points1 point ago

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BILLY MAYS HERE......

[–]phazenator 0 points1 point ago

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iSee what you did there.

[–]HappyRainbowDashy 0 points1 point ago

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Jonny Craig. Is that you????

[–]pikeymick 0 points1 point ago

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Awesome!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I lol'd.

[–]re_gina 0 points1 point ago

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Wow, I just spent ~45 seconds trying to figure out how the loss of depth perception would make an iPad less useful (since it's a basic flat 2D display), and more importantly how this guy had so many of them in the first place... Way to overthink things!

[–]Cueball61 0 points1 point ago

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I got this in an email from my dad who was sent it by his boss the day before the iPad 2 was released.

For the record guys, this is not him.

[–]cyberocket 0 points1 point ago

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Awesome!

[–]russate 0 points1 point ago

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seems legit.

[–]RenfohBacker 0 points1 point ago

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Seems legit.

[–]itsprobablytrue 0 points1 point ago

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Sorry I derped, carry on.

[–]vsadge 0 points1 point ago

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Based on the title I thought this was going to be about some TSA screener selling stolen iPads.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Frakkin Cylons! Where's my gods damn booze?

[–]MusicMagi 0 points1 point ago

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That's your pic and you don't know how to use an apostrophe? Wow.

[–]craig5005 0 points1 point ago

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The Knights of New get repaid for their work.

[–]RawrRevenge 0 points1 point ago

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name infringement. you cant call it blue magic if you dilute it

[–]mtnhomedude 0 points1 point ago

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Where is your monocle?

[–]WussupBro 0 points1 point ago

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Sir. Shutup and take my upvote

[–]jaybird125 0 points1 point ago

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upvote for username :) lets pray for a better season this year!

[–]Alibobaly 0 points1 point ago

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I could really use those how may i contact you, actually how much do those go for full price anyways?

[–]FrunkyMcNorman 0 points1 point ago

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I upvoted because cool old dudes on reddit deserve upvotes. Foo.

[–]pbjsandwich 0 points1 point ago

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how could anybody down vote this!

[–]essendoubleop 0 points1 point ago

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Anyone ever tell you you look like...................a bird?

[–]IronMikeT 0 points1 point ago

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Touche. I'll buy them all

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Trollan'.

[–]adrock1121 0 points1 point ago

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[–]Peach_Muffin 0 points1 point ago

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I downvoted this when I saw the title, clicked the link, and changed that to an upvote.

[–]DaBlackmage89 0 points1 point ago

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You sir are what is so right with the world

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I was going to make a riot joke... this pic. was way better!

[–]hellointernet81 0 points1 point ago

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I don't get it.

[–]TheGreyDuck 0 points1 point ago

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I make this joke with my EFL students pretty frequently. Then they'll say "No teacher! Apple iPad!" and so I draw an apple on it.

[–]nishant032 0 points1 point ago

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is that the iPad 2? I want that

[–]NoFakeName 0 points1 point ago

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Spelled 'eye pads' wrong.

[–]Dstanding 0 points1 point ago

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This joke does not work nearly as well in print.

[–]NYZ93 0 points1 point ago

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I hate you

:(

[–]elliotd303 0 points1 point ago

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Send mine to P. Sherman 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney.

[–]damnedants 0 points1 point ago

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About a month ago I had to use one of those to stop the bleeding from a stab wound on my chest. That is all I could find in a government issued first aid kit.

[–]OutcastOcarina64 0 points1 point ago

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Did I click on the correct link...?

[–]Apollo7 -1 points0 points ago

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Screw you guys, this was genuinely funny.

[–]tlund -5 points-4 points ago

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Since no one else has commented after an hour, I guess someone should explain the joke:

EYEPAD.

[–]lednakashim 0 points1 point ago

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upvote for competence

[–]shaggyzon4 -2 points-1 points ago

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Funny...thought I was on reddit, turns out I'm on craigslist.

[–]mumblingkraken -1 points0 points ago

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FOOLED YOU! Dark Helmet approves.

[–]chrissyseebs -1 points0 points ago

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Shame on you, for being a pun in human form.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

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you got Curity gauze? where the hell?... I need like a box of this stuff. /negotiate

[–]ElRopero -1 points0 points ago

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Goof ball...

[–]fisherd -1 points0 points ago

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Sooo...anyone want to explain this to me...? =.=

[–]theduck20 -1 points0 points ago

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People from Texas reddit? Are you from Austin?

[–]cynicallady -1 points0 points ago

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Who cares about the stupid apostrophe. Clearly you are all um...retarded.

[–]iareloading -1 points0 points ago

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You spelled eye pads wrong !

[–]babaloopant -1 points0 points ago

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facepalm

[–]nanashi420 -1 points0 points ago

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there should be a troll face one that eye patch

[–]bubrockit -4 points-3 points ago

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Can I get one? It's my sisters birthday on the 11th.

[–]CheckPlease -2 points-1 points ago

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Sees 11 comments thinks he still has a chance

[–]notthatguyTHATguy -2 points-1 points ago

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I'll take two

[–]AmericasHatEh -2 points-1 points ago

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I didn't understand this joke until I was about to write this comment.

[–]Poprocks4 -2 points-1 points ago

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This is somewhat misleading. I thought you were talking about Apple iPad tablets. These are eye-pads.

[–]Confucius_says 0 points1 point ago

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thats the joke