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all 45 comments

[–]Fridgeburn 50 points51 points ago

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Carol Ann is afraid of me. I have seen her true face. The garden's an extended gutter and the gutters are full of blood and when they finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all her toys and apple juice will foam up about her waist and all her family and friends will look up and shout "Save her!"...and I'll look down and whisper "No".

Fuck you, sis.

[–]Forthewolfx 8 points9 points ago

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And Peter walked away, blood dripping on his hands, gripping the shovel, knuckles white with pure adrenaline. Mind racing, trying to think who was next, on his elite list.

[–]Magnesus -2 points-1 points ago

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You sound like you are writing through experience.

[–]ARickRollLink 6 points7 points ago

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[–]Xeeker 9 points10 points ago

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and i wanted to go back and write an unbelievably hateful comment about it... but i couldn't... because then i saw his username and realized that it made him untouchable. invulnerable. all i could do was sit there and realize what a helpless victim i had become.

[–]Legitimidget 3 points4 points ago

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that was the day i decided it was over. i wanted to leave this world. my shaking hand gripped tightly, white knuckled. the cold steel of the .44 magnum brushed against my head. goodbye, world... not that there was anything good about my time here. but then, out of the corner of my eye, i saw a blue flash. i put down the gun to investigate. it had come from my computer screen, a small blue bit of text. i clicked on it, and a webpage popped open. a horribly familiar tune started playing. and that's when I snapped. i grabbed the gun and unloaded all 6 bullets into the screen, screaming 'i hate you!' i fell onto my bed, sobbing. a few minutes later the police came and put me in a cell. and that's what happened, mom. i hope i didn't waste my one phone call.

[–]Fridgeburn 2 points3 points ago

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It's like it's really 2007 again.

[–]ToxiJuice 0 points1 point ago

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I went to middle mouse click to open this in a new tab, but accidentally scrolled down a bit.

When I scrolled back up I looked at the name and had realized that I was just saved by my scroll wheel.

[–]THE_WALRUS_AWESOME 0 points1 point ago

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Saw his username, Challenge denied.

[–]Meades_Loves_Memes 0 points1 point ago

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Son of a bitch.

[–][deleted] 31 points32 points ago

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How many times has he buried Carol Ann?

[–]kevka 14 points15 points ago

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That's what I was wondering.

This time?

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points ago

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Third time's the charm, fourth time's the blender.

[–]DeadAtheist 0 points1 point ago

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Nothing like midnight mungus.

[–]awesomedan24 1 point2 points ago

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He is a serial killer who only likes girls named "Carol Ann". It's a different girl every time but that's always her name.

[–]rommi0 1 point2 points ago

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Came here, to ask this. ಠ_ಠ

[–]pwnography 14 points15 points ago

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Proud. Proud that he can successfully bury a body using only a rake and a watering can. nailed it.

[–]large_marge_sent_me 9 points10 points ago

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This is from http://myfirstdictionary.blogspot.com/. There are a ton more there, and they are all hilarious.

[–]MaxPowerzs 8 points9 points ago

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Am I the only one who saw 'Carol Ann' and thought Poltergeist?

[–]drunkenpinecone 1 point2 points ago

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That was the first thing that popped in my head. "Carol Ann, stay away from the light!"

[–]jackmarathon 0 points1 point ago

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This house is cleeeeaan.

[–]iHigh 2 points3 points ago

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Spoiler: It was his sister's toy doll

[–]mynoduesp 3 points4 points ago

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So his sisters doll came alive and burried her? That's dark.

[–]theturbolemming 3 points4 points ago

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Source?

[–]large_marge_sent_me 7 points8 points ago

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[–]ScottCarmichael 0 points1 point ago

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This books looks fascinating!

[–]busway27 2 points3 points ago

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My girlfriend's mom bought this for her as a graduation gift. It is the best book I have ever read. My favorite is Burdens

[–]irpeach9 1 point2 points ago

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Blood stained overalls

[–]RoyalWithCheesse 1 point2 points ago

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[–]NathizzleDrizzle 0 points1 point ago

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Rear Window would be an amazing children's picture book.

[–]ranon20 0 points1 point ago

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Those are some fast growing plants.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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This time Just how many times has this happened?

[–]bananafingers 0 points1 point ago

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Most diabolical laughter that Reddit ever caused in me.

[–]infernalspawnODOOM 0 points1 point ago

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"He was also proud of his lawyer. He had shown him the precident of double jeopardy."

[–]Lolmorph 0 points1 point ago

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And when you wake you will grow at my feet. Yes, when you wake you'll be beautiful again.

[–]Hellion_23 0 points1 point ago

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Does anyone else see the three roses as a bloody, screaming face?

[–]Or8is 0 points1 point ago

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He looks like Dennis the Menace. Never mess with someone known als 'The Menace'. Carol Ann had to learn this the hard way.

[–]ProbablyMyLastLogin 0 points1 point ago

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Checked to see if there were any Stephen King quotes in here... Too lazy to see.

"Mort: You know, the only thing that matters is the ending. It's the most important part of the story, the ending. And this one... is very good. This one's perfect. "

[–]gaffychicken 0 points1 point ago

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I was expecting a Peter Griffin, but this wasn't bad.

[–]Trigonal 0 points1 point ago

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Did anyone else expect Peter Wiggin?

[–]detrimentalistt 0 points1 point ago

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i thought 'carol ann' was some sort of slang for 'marry jane'

[–]foulflaneur 0 points1 point ago

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That's right, Det! Carol Ann is Peters newest Northern Lights #5 plant and she's a beauty!

[–]riverstyxxx 0 points1 point ago

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What happened to the people that found her the first time?

[–]mynameispeter 0 points1 point ago

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...oh dear...

[–]CaelestisFilius 0 points1 point ago

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Who found Carol Ann last time? And what happened to them?