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all 41 comments

[–]L-J-N 27 points28 points ago

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The best way to cut an onion without crying is to not get too emotionally attached to it.

[–]Shampoozled 11 points12 points ago

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Or just carry an onion and gum with you, once the urge to cry comes around, cut up the onion and chew the gum!

[–]CtrlShift7 8 points9 points ago

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I walk around with an onion on my belt. It was the style at the time.

[–]Shampoozled 2 points3 points ago

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They didn't have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...

[–]Magnesus 1 point2 points ago

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So, you're an Onion Knight?

[–]Blahkah 0 points1 point ago

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shameless FF reference -_-

[–]MrMannWood[S] -1 points0 points ago

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Come to think of it, I carry an onion with me at all times anyway (better to ward of the sparkle fairies). Perhaps I should toss some gum in my pocket.

[–]mrderp4 3 points4 points ago

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Next time you use material from a webcomic, please don't link from imgur. Link from their website.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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I think that's supposed to be garlic.

[–]sireatalot 1 point2 points ago

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Tied to your belt, as was the fashion at those times.

[–]holyerthanthou 0 points1 point ago

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colonel Armstrong has nothing to......... oh you mean the GAY sparkle fairy.

[–]ScubaBen5000 4 points5 points ago

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[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–][deleted] ago

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[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Now, how do I cry on cue?

[–]WhitbyRoadSoldier 0 points1 point ago

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[–]Hitchcock_Blonde 1 point2 points ago

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I took several months of crying-on-cue classes. Easiest way to not cry: think about dry things. You're welcome.

[–]Sir_Meowsalot 1 point2 points ago

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;_; Why are you being so mean?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

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Cut the onion under water. Seriously, just fill a bowl of water and cut the onion in it. No need to gobble gum or blocks of ice.

[–]vashjunky 0 points1 point ago

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sounds very safe

[–]Man_Overboard 1 point2 points ago

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I've found contact lenses make me immune to onions.

Pretty disappointing when I found out it was only my contacts, and not some super human ability...

[–]slybob 0 points1 point ago

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yep, handy. Mind you, cut an onion without lenses in - goddammn!

[–]dyl666 1 point2 points ago

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Apparently putting an onion in the freezer for a while beforehand will help, too.

You know...for people who actually plan their meals ahead, instead of closing their eyes and grabbing the first 10 things that come to hand while the Benny Hill theme song plays in the background. Like me.

[–]VonAether 2 points3 points ago

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[–]MonkeyMage 0 points1 point ago

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The gum thing doesn't work. You have to hold ice water in your mouth.

[–]s-mores 0 points1 point ago

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Chewing gum?

I just wash the enzymes away with water whenever I cut/handle one of the membranes that cause tearing up.

[–]vajorie 0 points1 point ago

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Relax all your facial muscles and assume a neutral facial expression.

[–]dotlizard 0 points1 point ago

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So, you know how hard it is to get yourself to cry if you feel the situation calls for it? You try and try but you just can't cry? Well. If you find yourself about to burst into tears at the wrong time, concentrate hard on trying to make yourself cry.

It stops the crying pretty well for everyone but talented and well-trained method actor. Trust me, try it.

[–]joeisreason 0 points1 point ago

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Fuck you, Marley and Me was sad as fuck!

[–]StrangeGibberish 0 points1 point ago

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[–]dmsuperman 0 points1 point ago

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Ancient chinese secret for not crying: just don't breathe through your fucking nose. \o/

[–]astroderd 0 points1 point ago

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run the onion under hot water first or freeze it.. the gum thing doesnt work

[–]CrackedPepper86 0 points1 point ago

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That chewing gum thing did not work for me at all.

[–]tensographics 0 points1 point ago

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My "trick" is just to cut it really fast, so you finish cutting before you cry.

[–]seg-fault 0 points1 point ago

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You cry because sulfur from the onion reacts with water in your tears to create sulfuric acid. Chewing gum is not going to stop that.

[–]MrMannWood[S] 0 points1 point ago

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Thank you Melvin. Thank you.

[–]seg-fault 1 point2 points ago

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Your welcome...

...here is over.

[–]ReflexMan 0 points1 point ago

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Tutorial: How not to split infinitives. Don't split them.

[–]bygod_weaver -1 points0 points ago

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If you cut the onion before you peel you wont cry. And then the peeling just falls off. Pretty easy concept.

[–]hallclone 1 point2 points ago

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How do you dice an onion with the peel still on it, and not end up with a hundred pieces of peel mixed in with your onion?

[–]bygod_weaver 1 point2 points ago

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lol. yeah i wasnt thinking about that. I only slice onions for salads and sandwiches

[–]SimBech -1 points0 points ago

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http://redd.it/junis

is it just me or does junis sound funny?

[–]SimBech -4 points-3 points ago

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