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top 200 commentsshow 500

[–][deleted] 616 points617 points ago

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I'll never forget how it shook my door and made me think that there was someone knocking. I STOOD UP!

[–]gl77 71 points72 points ago

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Candygram......

[–]SocImag 70 points71 points ago

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Four for you, Glen Coco!

[–]AlexBurnsRed 43 points44 points ago

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You go Glen Coco!

[–]nikkylynne 39 points40 points ago

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And none for Gretchen Wieners! Bye!

[–]oh_bruddah 16 points17 points ago

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Candygram? Oh goody! Wait a minute...

[–]Alyeska2112 1240 points1241 points ago

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If you stop eating outdoors, the earthquakes win.

[–]fantastic_max 1010 points1011 points ago

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8/23 was an outside job.

[–]OneWordPun 514 points515 points ago

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Ikeaeda

[–][deleted] 475 points476 points ago*

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I guess you could say it was their fault.

YEEEEEEEEEAHHHH

[–]GatoPequeno1 86 points87 points ago

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I think you something there.

[–]hoobsher 73 points74 points ago

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i see what you.

[–]Spruce_Bringsteen 67 points68 points ago

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You're it wrong.

[–][deleted] 67 points68 points ago

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I am disappoint.

[–]Hodor_of_the_North 137 points138 points ago

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Hodor

[–]keitorin 55 points56 points ago

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Hodors gonna hodor.

[–]Alyeska2112 53 points54 points ago

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Hodor. It is known.

[–]helloimnew 17 points18 points ago

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Come on Walder, we just want to know what it means.

HODOR HODOR HODOR!

wow... that is fun.

[–]GiefDownvotesPlox 111 points112 points ago

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My God in heaven.

HE'S RIGHT.

[–]alsorobots 43 points44 points ago

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You're either with us, or against us. Or you might be a geological event, which is against us. Get it????!

[–]qwkz 88 points89 points ago

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Only a sith deals in absolutes.

[–]alsorobots 77 points78 points ago

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Only an earthquake would say something like that...

[–]Sapian 34 points35 points ago

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Nice try Earthquake.

[–]bubbameister33 423 points424 points ago

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The funniest shit I saw was my boss running the hell out of his office not saying anything to anybody or caring about their safety.

[–]gl77 233 points234 points ago

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Costanza?

[–]QuackMcQuack 170 points171 points ago

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Michael Scott?

[–]BegginForBacon 159 points160 points ago

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Yes, I've heard 'women and children first', but we do not employ children. We are not a sweatshop, thankfully. And women are equal in the workplace, by law, so if I let them out first... I have a lawsuit on my hands.

[–]Phish777 653 points654 points ago

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Where were you, when the earthquake rearranged our patio furniture?

[–]princetrunks 229 points230 points ago

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(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

I was there

[–]EdgarVerona 62 points63 points ago

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It was YOU!

You flip over our lawn furniture, we flip over your third world nation!

[–]servohahn 197 points198 points ago

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Did it make you feel like cryin'

Or did you think it was kinda gay?

[–]cyclura 133 points134 points ago*

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Did you weep for the children who lost their balance

And pray for the ones who didn't care?

Did you rejoice for the people who remained on the toilet

And sob for the ones who ran outside with their asses bare?

[–]pbmoe1 40 points41 points ago

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Did you tweet out with pride to the whole red, white, and blue?

With pics of the shit that fell over and almost hit your shoe?

Did you look to the geometric plates for some kind of answer?

And look at your garden gnome, and realize it shattered?

[–]Xiotech 19 points20 points ago

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Did you seek out asylum in your garden shed?

the clanging implements filled you with dread?

Did you rediscover your wife's old Easel?

and then arm yourself with the "Garden Weasel"?

Did you peek outside to see if it's safe?

as you bid goodbye to the shovels, spades, and rakes?

[–]alsorobots 99 points100 points ago

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Too soon.

[–]asininequestion 31 points32 points ago

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What did you do in the Great Earthquake daddy?

[–]fantastic_max 38 points39 points ago

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I heard they're replacing the fallen chair with a lawn gnome. F*cking terrorists.

[–]ReverseJams 26 points27 points ago

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Hey, listen. My dad was one of the guys pulling furniture off the grass out there. He told me they're replacing the fallen chair with a Koi pond for people to visit and 'reflect'.

[–]yokiedinosaur 1173 points1174 points ago

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the span from 8/23 to 9/11 is twenty days, or 9+11. THE PLOT THICKENS.

[–]HeadbangsToMahler 735 points736 points ago

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WHY ARE YOU THE ONLY ONE BRAVE ENOUGH TO REPORT THIS ????

[–]TheHaberdasher 208 points209 points ago

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WAKE UP SHEEPLE

[–]pp7k 41 points42 points ago

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Shut up, or we will shut you up.

Sincerely, the CIA

[–]TheWhiteGripes 21 points22 points ago

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Don't worry Glenn Beck will be all over this.

[–]claymore_kitten 47 points48 points ago

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WHERE IS eraw173 AND HIS BAND OF /R/CONSPIRACY KNIGHTS WHEN YOU NEED THEM??

[–]sztomi 8 points9 points ago

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WHERE IS eraw173 AND HIS BAND OF HIMSELF WHEN YOU NEED HIM??

[–]abenton 338 points339 points ago

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8(H)/23(W) + 9(I)/11(K)

KI = chinese for vital force

WH = White House

Coincidence? I think not.

[–]marmalade 180 points181 points ago

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CODED MESSAGE TO ILLUMINATI FROM PRESIDENT OBAMA

Washington earthquake = I reawaken A.Q. ghost hunt

I think we all know who A.Q. is!!!

OBAMA CAUSED 8/23

[–]akbc 25 points26 points ago

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those godless commies!! everyone evacuate to hawaii.

[–]Thorbinator 62 points63 points ago

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I'm waiting for the "its always 23" guy.

[–]Numlocks 35 points36 points ago

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He made a movie with some penguins this summer.

[–]FecalSplatter 6 points7 points ago

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Really? You need him to point out that this happened on the 23rd?

[–]ConradBTalbot 181 points182 points ago

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Jews use all of those numbers! JOOS!

I heard that all Jews secured their patio furniture the night before. Why?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

[–][deleted] 34 points35 points ago

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WHAT ABOUT THE FOUR MOSSAD AGENTS DANCING ON A PICNIC BLANKET WHILE IT HAPPENED?

Wake up sheeple!

[–]Atheuz 45 points46 points ago

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It's actually 19 days.

import datetime
print datetime.datetime(year=2011, month=9, day=11) - datetime.datetime(year=2011, month=8, day=23)
19 days, 0:00:00

[–]cled221 79 points80 points ago

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I know this might not be PC, but I get nervous every time I see a tectonic plate sitting next to me on a plane.

[–]Bowlcut100 42 points43 points ago

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Whose fault is that?

[–]neuter 497 points498 points ago

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THESE TABLES DON'T RUN.

[–]Unidan 241 points242 points ago

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YOU CAN SHAKE MY LAWNCHAIR

BUT YOU'LL NEVER SHAKE MY CONVICTION

[–]climbtree 111 points112 points ago

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millions in aid to japan, where is obama now? silent.

[–][deleted] 81 points82 points ago

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He's doing a fly over the affected areas to look at all the flipped up lawn chairs.

[–]servohahn 182 points183 points ago

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Oh great. Now we're going to have to occupy the east-coast and take all their oil.

[–]FuelForFire 111 points112 points ago

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They hate our freedom...

[–]alsorobots 26 points27 points ago

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They hate our stillness.

[–]Sarstan 7 points8 points ago

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They can keep their commie earthquakes over there!

[–]doorz1 21 points22 points ago

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Nice green lawn ?

[–]Snowsickle 17 points18 points ago

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We had no choice. It was an act AGAINST GOD.

[–]SevenDeadlyNinjas 38 points39 points ago

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Taking tanning oil away from those Jersey Shore fucks would be a GREAT usage of the US military.

[–]porkly 43 points44 points ago

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chair were you that day

[–]BigMikeBigm 40 points41 points ago

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I'm stool here.

[–]gesucazzo 20 points21 points ago

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These legs are holding strong.

[–]Osiris32 24 points25 points ago

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I say we table this discussion until everything blows over

[–]Thants 157 points158 points ago

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The earthquake was so strong it uprighted two chairs and a table.

[–]HumanShapedBiscuit 73 points74 points ago

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The chair died a hero.

[–]DlpsYks 196 points197 points ago

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We won't take this sitting down!

[–]warpus 197 points198 points ago

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Looks like it's time to form the Department of Homeland Stability

[–]devilwriter 52 points53 points ago

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and pass the Patio Act

[–]Metroid545 280 points281 points ago

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Lets go invade a country! I'll draw a name out of this hat

[–]ProperLogic 289 points290 points ago

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<crosses fingers> c'mon Canada

[–]markio44 241 points242 points ago

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<double crosses fingers> c'mon Texas

[–]enjoyingtheride 76 points77 points ago

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<tripple crosses fingers> c'mon France

[–]jesusismoney 132 points133 points ago

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You guys are thinking too rich! WE NEED TO INVADE THE POOREST COUNTRIES POSSIBLE. IT'S THE ONLY WAY.

[–]Mechakoopa 519 points520 points ago

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<Crosses fingers> Come on United States...

[–]ttthekkking 166 points167 points ago

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slow clap

[–][deleted] 77 points78 points ago

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slow fap

[–]HeadbangsToMahler 74 points75 points ago

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slow cry

[–]skitztobotch 49 points50 points ago

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slow crap

[–]jesusismoney 21 points22 points ago*

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[–]alsorobots 25 points26 points ago

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"Republic of Palau"...ah dammit. Do they have brown people there?

[–]Osiris32 8 points9 points ago

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No, just very tan

[–]Senious 91 points92 points ago

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We'll never forget 823

The Shakening....

[–]MegainPhoto 15 points16 points ago

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Has FOXNews referred to it as ShakeGate yet?

[–]qcynh 700 points701 points ago

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obligatory: (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

[–]Spo8 590 points591 points ago

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┬──┬

┬──┬

┬──┬

OH GOD AN EARTHQUAKE!

  ┬──┬

[–]gojirra 287 points288 points ago

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▲ ▲

▲ ▲

▲ ▲

OH GOD AN EARTHQUAKE!

  ▲

▲ ▲

[–]LunarLob 138 points139 points ago

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Darn earthquakes forming the Triforce...

[–]gojirra 29 points30 points ago

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DEE DOO DOO DEE DOO DOO DOO DOO DEE DEE DEE

[–]Zergking 28 points29 points ago

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I'm glad that I don't recognize this, though part of me wishes that I did.

[–]SuspendTheDisbelief 5 points6 points ago

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All I'm getting is safety dance, and I don't know how.

[–][deleted] 22 points23 points ago

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Earthquakes: even more dangerous when alone.

[–]Mike81890 30 points31 points ago

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Too soon man! Too soon!!

[–]CAredditBoss 41 points42 points ago

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President Obama just does not care about black chairs!

[–]ShibuyaStation 126 points127 points ago

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Earthquake was a 5.8. 5+8=13

Earthquake happened on 8/23. 8+2+3=13

CONSPIRACY!

Let's start folding money to see if we can see the overturned furniture.

[–]bkraj 35 points36 points ago

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But how does this relate to my fear of brown people and 9/11?

[–]jesusismoney 84 points85 points ago

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ಥ_ಥ

[–]gringoj 104 points105 points ago

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Freedom.

[–]4FukSake 64 points65 points ago

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FREEDOM.

[–]alsorobots 62 points63 points ago

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That'll be $1.05...

[–]123GoTeamShake 20 points21 points ago

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Cuz if you don't throw in your buck-oh-five, who will...

[–]AlbyWee 24 points25 points ago

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How bout tree fiddy?

[–]Mortifer 19 points20 points ago

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Your anger is a gift.

[–]KibblesnBitts 25 points26 points ago

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I will never forget being at work, and the desk I was at started shaking. My boss asked, "KibblesnBitts, stop shaking the table." To which I responded, "[Boss] I'm not shaking it."

[–]thejerk56 9 points10 points ago

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turn that into a movie and you'll make millions.

[–]bweekins 73 points74 points ago

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Did you all get your car magnets yet? I got mine.

[–]Sarstan 62 points63 points ago

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SUPPORT OUR FURNITURE!

[–]gentlebot 377 points378 points ago

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8/23 was an inside job.

[–]servohahn 183 points184 points ago

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Footage of the falling furniture clearly shows that it was knocked over by a man-shaped blur. The White House refuses to investigate.

[–]FruityPeebils 65 points66 points ago

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it was the man on the grassy knoll

[–]explodingzebras 67 points68 points ago

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Nay! Sarah jessica Parker escaped from her stable and knocked it over

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]arsenal7777 6 points7 points ago

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A controlled demolition in the chair's legs brought it down. Are you people blind? We all know man-shaped blurs don't have the force necessary to bring down a similar structure.

[–]LeGrandArmee 246 points247 points ago

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We will not negotiate with tectonics.

[–]alrightandrew 112 points113 points ago

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We will however, repudiate tectonics. It is a theory with gaps.

[–]shan6 49 points50 points ago

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Teach the controversy!

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points ago

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It's my irrationally giddy response to comments like this that remind me I was a geology major in college, such a long time ago.

[–]NJDevils30 75 points76 points ago

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Number of earthquakes during Obama's (not even 4 year yet) presidency: 1

Number of earthquakes during Bush's (8 year) presidency: 0

(On the east coast)

[–]Dtxscorpio 20 points21 points ago

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[–]isleshocky 60 points61 points ago

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You can tell by the way the lawn chair went down.

[–]geoken 42 points43 points ago

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Yeah, there is now way that lawn chair could have gone down on it's own that fast.

[–]alsorobots 55 points56 points ago

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Did you notice it looked EXACTLY THE SAME as if we had tipped it over ourselves??

[–]tryceo 12 points13 points ago

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And you have seen a few law chairs going down in your time.

[–][deleted] 100 points101 points ago

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WAKE UP, SHEEPLE

[–][deleted] 50 points51 points ago

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SHAKE UP, WEEPLE

[–]plasticghost 25 points26 points ago

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WAKE UP, WEEDLE

[–]david-me 22 points23 points ago

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HE PUKE ALE SPEW

[–]magicwizard 5 points6 points ago

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AND MY AXE!

[–]ReallyAmazingPersUN 74 points75 points ago

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Month: 8 ; # of pieces of furniture that fell: 1

8+1 = 9

Date: 23 --> 2*3 = 6 ; total # of pieces of furniture: 5

6 + 5 = 11

9/11. OMG YOURE RIGHT

[–]joe24pack 30 points31 points ago

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you used math, therefore it must be true !!

[–]takka_takka_takka 21 points22 points ago

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Just Michelle Bachmann, shakin' up Washington!

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points ago

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It's that HARP earthquake laser the government has in Alaska!

[–]kingbinji 14 points15 points ago

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we need to invade some middle eastern country to avenge this day!

[–]KingOfSwing90 83 points84 points ago

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JESUS WHY DID SUCH A TRAGEDY HAPPEN ON MY 21ST BIRTHDAY. NOW EVERYONE WILL JUST ASSOCIATE 8/23 WITH THIS.

[–]PLD 3 points4 points ago

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It was YOUR fault!

[–]Rejexted 21 points22 points ago

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[–]workroom 19 points20 points ago

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and that guy got it from here...

http://famousdc.com/2010/07/16/dc-earthquake/

who got it from here

http://twitpic.com/25txue

[–]Noyjeetut 5 points6 points ago

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That's some good work, Lou.

[–]skay 19 points20 points ago

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Seriously though, my beer was spilled.

This is a tradegy.

[–]CieIo 18 points19 points ago

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Wow just realized that my father reddits. He just posted this pic on his facebook. Not sure how I feel about it =/

[–]coerciblegerm 18 points19 points ago

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Son, I am disappoint.

[–]DNelk 35 points36 points ago

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"We must stand strong as a nation, have faith, and center the pictures on the mantle."- President Barack Obama

[–]gravelbar 15 points16 points ago

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It was Obama's [geologic] Fault.

[–]palyok 28 points29 points ago

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august 23.... 8/23...... thats the last three numbers to the police department in Roanoke, VA.. CONSPIRACY

[–]canonymous 45 points46 points ago

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And Roanoke colony was found deserted on August 18, 1690... Five days and 321 years ago.

18+5 and 1690+321 = AUGUST 23, 2011!!!!!

[–]AddNine 18 points19 points ago

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Obama is 5 letters. Five days. 5 letters. This is bigger than you thought.

[–]palyok 10 points11 points ago

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FUCK

[–]butters0114 29 points30 points ago

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FREEDOM ISN'T FREE!

[–]AntiZombieSpray 11 points12 points ago

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IT COSTS FOLKS LIKE YOU AND ME!

[–]Splash_ 7 points8 points ago

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AND IF YOU DON'T THROW IN YOUR BUCK OH-FIVE, WHO WIIIIILL?

[–]Warpdogg 7 points8 points ago

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No there's a hefty fuckin' fee.

[–]navyflydude 15 points16 points ago

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Awesome. Perfect to post in response to the earthquake survivors on Facebook.

[–]dVnt 11 points12 points ago

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Why to the tectonic plates hate our freedom?

[–]JUMANJIIIII 13 points14 points ago

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The one's in the '11' look like table legs! Why didn't we see the signs?!

[–]Elidor 24 points25 points ago

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And you know who made those flimsy little earthquake chairs? CHINA. Coincidence? I THINK NOT, MY FRIEND.

[–]vifoxe 24 points25 points ago

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10 years from now our government will forsake our first responders. Let us never forget those brave homeowners who braved the intense summer heat to clean up their backyard.

[–]You_got_it 36 points37 points ago

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I wish the OP put a single tear in the corner of the Eagle's eye. *edit; HE DID!!

[–]colberre 11 points12 points ago

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I await the movie to commerate this day by Roland Emmerich.

[–]ballstein 9 points10 points ago

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How many BBQs were ruined for 10 minutes?

[–]Punkndrublic 10 points11 points ago

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DAMMIT, MY BIRTHDAY IS GOING TO FOREVER BE OVERSHADOWED BY THIS TRAGEDY.

[–]jimifun 10 points11 points ago

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"Today, our fellow citizens, our way of life, our very freedom came under attack in a series of deliberate and deadly chair-toppling acts" Bush 8/23

[–]takka_takka_takka 8 points9 points ago

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Any fellow survivors of the Big One in San Jose in 07? I swear I saw a whole bottle of shampoo tip over. Unfuckingreal!

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

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The horror!!!!

[–]thatguyferg 10 points11 points ago

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At first I thought oh fuck a tornado but it was clear outside so I thought oh shit a bomb went off in my basement. Then I noticed how my house was creaking and sounded like it was going to collapse...during which i sat there and awaited my doom.

[–]gearswinger 18 points19 points ago

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"They're already making fun of it? It was scary!" - My Wife, who was in her office on the thirteenth floor in NYC when it happened.

In her defense, she's from Brazil and new to tornados, hurricanes, forest fires, and the plethora of other natural disasters we have here.

[–]Antilife 7 points8 points ago

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Proof that the ObL assassination was faked!

[–]alsorobots 8 points9 points ago

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We'll put a boot in your ass, earthquake!! It's the American way! -Toby Keith

[–]egonym 7 points8 points ago

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Which color is this ribbon?

[–]sjel 7 points8 points ago

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too soon man too soon

[–]TopspinLob 14 points15 points ago

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Michael Moore just became very busy.

[–]bronxwasborninsweden 13 points14 points ago

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Nah, it wasn't an earthquake, it was just me. (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

[–]rutteh 13 points14 points ago

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U.....S......A U...S...A U.S.A USA USA USA USA USA USA USA USA USA

[–]killthenoise 15 points16 points ago

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BREAKING NEWS FROM CNN: WE'RE WAITING TO HEAR WHETHER PRESIDENT OBAMA HAS FELT THE EARTHQUAKE ON HIS VACATION.

[–]butters0114 7 points8 points ago

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he did, according to yahoo he felt a tremor in Martha's Vineyard "right when he was about to tee off"

[–]quappucinno 6 points7 points ago

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Wasn't that in Toronto?

[–]un1ba11er 7 points8 points ago

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Is it just me, or was this used during last years July earthquake? http://jmckinley.posterous.com/dc-earthquake-devastation

[–]KickingKids 7 points8 points ago

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Never forget those who sat.

[–]thatwasntveryraven 21 points22 points ago

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makes millions from writing shitty country music song

[–]finkalicious 22 points23 points ago

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We must invade California! They have Earthquakes of Mass Destruction!

[–]BaronVonBullenix 16 points17 points ago

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/salute

[–]KaraSpace 11 points12 points ago

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TOO SOON GUY

[–]GT225 4 points5 points ago

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I'm sorry, I am very confused, what is this?

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]Airazz 25 points26 points ago

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Consequences of one of the worst earthquakes in history of men.

[–]Pookies27 4 points5 points ago

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I'll never forget where I was that fateful day. God bless America!

[–]memarianomusic 5 points6 points ago

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I fear the government will use this sad event as an opportunity to declare war

[–]XxqTZpxX 5 points6 points ago

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Where can I buy this t-shirt?

[–]FreeTupac 5 points6 points ago

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That's it! No Mosques in earthquake prone zones.

[–]PaperStreetSoap 5 points6 points ago

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You can shake my chairs

You can shake my shack

but the freedom train's still on the track!

clap

Don't quake the U.S.A.!

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

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United We Stand.

[–]tacotacotaco_1 14 points15 points ago

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I've never upvoted so enthusiastically.

[–]j_lyf 11 points12 points ago

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Lost it

[–]tekka444 8 points9 points ago

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I can see them printing that chair on a coin and selling it for $30 on infomercials.